1
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‎NETFLIX 原創影集

2
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‎我們回來了

3
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‎好舒服

4
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‎對，伸展那裡

5
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‎（無香味高潮成人尿布）

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‎你好

7
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‎你好

8
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‎坐好了，扭扭屁股也行

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‎因為現在要收看…

10
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‎尼克史塔的金錢倒數

11
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‎你好

12
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‎歡迎回到金錢倒數現場

13
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‎走投無路的窮人

14
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‎在這裡讓自己丟臉

15
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‎就有機會得到基本的人類服務

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‎很好

17
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‎我好幾個禮拜沒尿尿了

18
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‎沒錯，現在尿尿要付錢

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‎但現在不用

20
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‎因為接下來要進行的遊戲是…

21
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‎幹你兄弟

22
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‎丹尼和傑瑞林奇

23
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‎說說來參加節目的原因

24
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‎我們的媽媽有癌症

25
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‎現在沒有醫療保險了

26
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‎還有我們愛這個節目

27
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‎你們有想過誰要幹誰嗎？

28
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‎我的雞雞比較小

29
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‎所以我們家都同意應該是我

30
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‎拜託

31
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‎我們要大雞雞

32
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‎林奇兄弟，你們也聽到了

33
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‎他們要大雞雞

34
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‎但先進廣告

35
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‎發現自己沒辦法跟其他人

36
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‎發生身心親密關係嗎？

37
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‎-對
‎-那好

38
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‎要是有高潮罐頭呢？

39
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‎好爽

40
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‎有了速食高潮誘導罐頭好爽

41
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‎我隨時都能高潮

42
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‎省掉不少應付別人的麻煩

43
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‎自己也省事多了

44
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‎好爽到不行

45
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‎輕鬆瞬間達到高潮

46
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‎就是好爽

47
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‎天啊，冷死了

48
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‎水柱怎麼這麼強？

49
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‎現場觀眾覺得怎麼樣？

50
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‎林奇兄弟應該得到

51
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‎他們媽媽的癌症醫療費？

52
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‎還是應該把他們扔進…

53
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‎辣粉坑

54
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‎這集幾時會播出？

55
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‎媽，對不起

56
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‎今晚的節目就到這裡

57
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‎尼克史塔要提醒你們

58
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‎關心馬桶人，多檢查馬桶

59
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‎馬桶人住在下水道

60
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‎用他們的小手抓我們的陰毛

61
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‎好…卡

62
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‎史塔先生，又是精采的節目

63
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‎你也是…

64
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‎舞台監督

65
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‎恭喜，尼克

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‎那對兄弟真的不想互幹

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‎對啊

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‎內容非常精采

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‎謝謝，安德魯3000

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‎你有沒有再想過

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‎建造一個機器人新娘給我？

72
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‎幹嘛要那樣做？

73
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‎我們都是單身漢

74
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‎是，單身男孩

75
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‎一起單身到永遠

76
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‎沒錯，阿安

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‎每日提醒，我有一個開關

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‎你一開我就會變成同性戀

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‎（好爽）

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‎天啊，剛才超強的

81
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‎其實剛才是地震

82
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‎地震變得越來越頻繁

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‎不管怎樣，我都很爽

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‎你要換高潮尿布嗎？

85
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‎不要，我想浸一浸

86
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‎讓我的屁股滋潤一下

87
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‎有即時重點新聞進來

88
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‎等等，阿安，轉大聲一點

89
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‎今晚悲傷的消息

90
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‎月球的人類大使

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‎米希福爾曼葛林華德

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‎在一場飛車意外不幸喪命

93
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‎等等，什麼？米希死了？

94
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‎面對全球暖化的威脅

95
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‎福爾曼葛林華德的地球種子計畫

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‎帶給了人類希望

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‎我們將月球地球化

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‎全世界的人類就會有個新家

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‎連馬桶人也會有新家

100
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‎雖然他們很喜歡扯我們的陰毛

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‎福爾曼葛林華德的葬禮

102
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‎明天將會在她的母校舉行

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‎布里奇頓中學

104
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‎全世界失去一道最亮的光

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‎對我個人來說

106
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‎也失去一個寶貝傻妹

107
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‎-關掉
‎-太可怕了

108
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‎我知道

109
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‎米希是個很特別的人

110
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‎我會打包你的悲傷高潮尿布

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‎去參加葬禮

112
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‎我…我怎麼可能去

113
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‎我的行程表…

114
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‎明天不用錄影

115
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‎明天是小馬丁希克瑞里日

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‎聽好，我不要去

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‎去會見到我的家人和老朋友

118
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‎還有他們討厭的小屁孩

119
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‎小屁孩會想搶拿我的手機

120
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‎弄斷我的墨鏡

121
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‎但見見老朋友也不錯

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‎你幫我換高潮尿布也不錯

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‎多撒點尼克爽身粉，不要客氣

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‎我愛這段關係

125
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‎你的大牌好萊塢經紀人來電

126
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‎好，接過來

127
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‎尼克史塔，我最愛的藝人

128
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‎-嗨
‎-我有好消息和壞消息

129
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‎我愛玩這個遊戲

130
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‎先說壞消息好了

131
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‎地球完蛋了，沒用了

132
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‎-什麼？
‎-大絕跡

133
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‎科學家不是說還有20年嗎？

134
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‎應該是20小時吧

135
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‎海水從佛羅里達的天坑

136
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‎淹沒整個地核

137
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‎天啊，我們都會死

138
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‎不要緊張

139
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‎好消息是你很有錢死不了

140
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‎謝天謝地

141
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‎現在有一艘貴賓方舟要到月球

142
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‎我們是代言人

143
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‎你簽到方舟了

144
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‎我就知道你追到了，恭喜…

145
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‎超級大秘密

146
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‎方舟明天要從希克瑞里國際機場起飛

147
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‎-只有百萬分之一的人知道
‎-好的

148
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‎現在我把票傳給阿安

149
00:05:24,657 --> 00:05:26,034
‎票是藥的形式

150
00:05:26,117 --> 00:05:27,410
‎那是栓劑

151
00:05:27,493 --> 00:05:30,038
‎要把栓劑塞進你尊貴的屁眼

152
00:05:30,580 --> 00:05:31,748
‎另一個要做什麼用？

153
00:05:31,831 --> 00:05:33,916
‎不是啦，是你能帶一個伴

154
00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:36,878
‎好，我會帶安德魯3000

155
00:05:36,961 --> 00:05:38,463
‎我會讓你很舒服

156
00:05:38,546 --> 00:05:40,006
‎不行，一定要是人類

157
00:05:40,089 --> 00:05:41,549
‎一個能跟你生育的人

158
00:05:41,632 --> 00:05:42,467
‎有血有肉的人

159
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‎順便跟你說一下

160
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‎步槍協會想重拍《玩具總動員》

161
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‎但加上槍

162
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‎-我在聽
‎-你演一把超愛殺人的

163
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‎害羞突擊步槍，你要演嗎？

164
00:05:51,476 --> 00:05:52,935
‎要是時間軋得上就演

165
00:05:56,689 --> 00:05:59,692
‎找造型師貝琪當我的伴怎麼樣？

166
00:05:59,776 --> 00:06:02,028
‎你還記得她牙齦感染

167
00:06:02,111 --> 00:06:03,780
‎跟你要抗生素時

168
00:06:03,863 --> 00:06:06,032
‎你說“待會再說”嗎？

169
00:06:06,115 --> 00:06:07,116
‎-記得
‎-她就死了

170
00:06:07,658 --> 00:06:10,411
‎要寄給她家人一些尿尿代幣嗎？

171
00:06:10,495 --> 00:06:12,121
‎明天就是世界末日

172
00:06:12,205 --> 00:06:14,165
‎尿尿代幣就浪費了

173
00:06:14,248 --> 00:06:16,542
‎其他替你工作的女人呢？

174
00:06:16,626 --> 00:06:18,711
‎這樣權力還是在你手上

175
00:06:19,337 --> 00:06:21,547
‎電視台送給我一瓶

176
00:06:21,631 --> 00:06:23,257
‎拳擊手套形狀的龍舌蘭酒

177
00:06:23,341 --> 00:06:25,426
‎要帶那個嗎？那算人嗎？

178
00:06:25,510 --> 00:06:27,053
‎是很像我的人類打來的

179
00:06:27,136 --> 00:06:29,138
‎要照例不理他嗎？

180
00:06:29,222 --> 00:06:31,057
‎不要，我來接

181
00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:34,060
‎天啊，你接了

182
00:06:34,143 --> 00:06:35,561
‎安德魯，是你嗎？

183
00:06:35,645 --> 00:06:37,897
‎你跟你爸像到讓人發毛

184
00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:39,982
‎最好是，他去除掉絛蟲

185
00:06:40,066 --> 00:06:41,818
‎還做了眼睛雷射，現在很帥

186
00:06:42,527 --> 00:06:44,904
‎反正我打來是想說

187
00:06:44,987 --> 00:06:46,489
‎你聽說那個可怕的消息吧？

188
00:06:46,572 --> 00:06:47,782
‎世界末日嗎？

189
00:06:47,865 --> 00:06:50,493
‎是啊，米希曾是我們的世界

190
00:06:50,576 --> 00:06:51,577
‎對喔

191
00:06:51,661 --> 00:06:54,038
‎我們去世的老同學米希

192
00:06:54,122 --> 00:06:55,998
‎我替她感到哀悼

193
00:06:56,082 --> 00:06:58,876
‎對，所以我打來是要問你

194
00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:00,628
‎明天要不要來參加葬禮

195
00:07:00,711 --> 00:07:03,297
‎不行，明天我…

196
00:07:03,381 --> 00:07:05,174
‎要娶一瓶

197
00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:07,718
‎拳擊手套形狀的龍舌蘭酒

198
00:07:07,802 --> 00:07:10,221
‎天啊，恭喜

199
00:07:10,304 --> 00:07:11,139
‎她叫什麼名字？

200
00:07:11,222 --> 00:07:13,516
‎丹妮兒…艾克洛德

201
00:07:13,599 --> 00:07:15,309
‎她聽起來很漂亮

202
00:07:15,393 --> 00:07:17,353
‎這段緣份說來很可愛

203
00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:20,481
‎電視台把她送給我才認識的

204
00:07:20,565 --> 00:07:23,025
‎你不會參加米希的葬禮

205
00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:24,444
‎大家都會到

206
00:07:24,527 --> 00:07:26,571
‎我哀悼的米希當然也不會到

207
00:07:26,654 --> 00:07:27,822
‎尼克，進行得很順利

208
00:07:27,905 --> 00:07:29,532
‎你絕對猜不到

209
00:07:29,615 --> 00:07:31,701
‎我在喬氏兩點超市碰到誰

210
00:07:31,784 --> 00:07:32,618
‎米希？

211
00:07:32,702 --> 00:07:33,995
‎不是，她死了

212
00:07:34,078 --> 00:07:34,996
‎沒錯，我哀悼她

213
00:07:35,079 --> 00:07:36,497
‎我碰到潔西的爸爸

214
00:07:36,581 --> 00:07:38,916
‎他說她會來參加葬禮

215
00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:40,460
‎潔西，天啊

216
00:07:40,543 --> 00:07:42,253
‎我們在華盛頓廣場公園吵架後

217
00:07:42,336 --> 00:07:43,629
‎我就沒見過她了

218
00:07:44,755 --> 00:07:47,008
‎她還跟米開朗基羅在一起嗎？

219
00:07:47,091 --> 00:07:48,759
‎我做春夢常夢到的那個

220
00:07:48,843 --> 00:07:50,052
‎性感藝術家？

221
00:07:50,136 --> 00:07:52,013
‎他們分手了，潔西是單身

222
00:07:52,096 --> 00:07:54,307
‎安德魯，我應該能趕去

223
00:07:54,390 --> 00:07:55,641
‎稍微改變一下計劃就好

224
00:07:55,725 --> 00:07:57,477
‎但尼克，你不是要娶

225
00:07:57,560 --> 00:07:58,728
‎丹妮兒艾克洛德嗎？

226
00:07:58,811 --> 00:08:00,062
‎我要跟她分手，我…

227
00:08:00,146 --> 00:08:01,230
‎討厭她的朋友

228
00:08:01,606 --> 00:08:03,107
‎感情就是這樣

229
00:08:03,191 --> 00:08:06,194
‎我兒子最近很看不起我…

230
00:08:06,277 --> 00:08:07,528
‎我還有事，阿安

231
00:08:07,612 --> 00:08:09,614
‎調出潔西的人生檔案

232
00:08:09,822 --> 00:08:10,656
‎（潔西格拉瑟）

233
00:08:10,740 --> 00:08:12,867
‎馬桶人也是人

234
00:08:12,950 --> 00:08:14,702
‎馬桶人喜歡尿尿和大便

235
00:08:17,288 --> 00:08:19,123
‎我們只是想讓世界變得更好

236
00:08:19,207 --> 00:08:20,333
‎給你的小孩生活

237
00:08:20,416 --> 00:08:21,417
‎不要笑死人了

238
00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:23,002
‎我的小孩爛透了

239
00:08:23,085 --> 00:08:24,003
‎天啊，暫停

240
00:08:24,086 --> 00:08:25,213
‎放大影像

241
00:08:25,463 --> 00:08:27,215
‎下來，再下來

242
00:08:27,298 --> 00:08:28,174
‎加強畫質

243
00:08:28,966 --> 00:08:29,967
‎是潔西

244
00:08:30,051 --> 00:08:31,636
‎胸部永遠都是潔西

245
00:08:31,719 --> 00:08:32,761
‎她是最胸的

246
00:08:32,845 --> 00:08:34,554
‎我要帶她上方舟

247
00:08:34,639 --> 00:08:36,974
‎安德魯3000，打包我的“好爽”

248
00:08:37,058 --> 00:08:38,142
‎我要回家

249
00:08:40,352 --> 00:08:42,605
‎好爽

250
00:08:42,688 --> 00:08:45,191
‎天啊，你真的很喜歡她

251
00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:48,027
‎好多美好的胸部回憶

252
00:08:51,656 --> 00:08:54,033
‎大家為什麼老愛說世界末日？

253
00:08:54,116 --> 00:08:55,618
‎今天天氣這麼好

254
00:08:56,035 --> 00:08:58,162
‎主人，我們住在雲線上

255
00:08:58,746 --> 00:09:00,373
‎-天啊
‎-是

256
00:09:00,456 --> 00:09:02,625
‎我應該是太久沒出來了

257
00:09:02,708 --> 00:09:05,169
‎從愛黛兒被綁在木樁上燒到現在

258
00:09:05,253 --> 00:09:06,295
‎當時場面好恐怖

259
00:09:06,379 --> 00:09:08,172
‎但她後來推出的專輯

260
00:09:08,256 --> 00:09:09,966
‎超像假上流

261
00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:14,720
‎突發警報

262
00:09:14,804 --> 00:09:17,640
‎室外溫度激增速度達到警戒

263
00:09:17,723 --> 00:09:19,183
‎氣候變遷是騙局

264
00:09:19,267 --> 00:09:20,685
‎數學是謊言

265
00:09:20,768 --> 00:09:23,312
‎第一個數字應該是100

266
00:09:25,606 --> 00:09:26,899
‎我的老天爺

267
00:09:26,983 --> 00:09:28,985
‎主人，方舟十小時後起飛

268
00:09:29,068 --> 00:09:30,611
‎-我要繞去米希的那個
‎-葬禮

269
00:09:30,695 --> 00:09:32,321
‎-找到有胸部的紅髮大嗓門
‎-潔西

270
00:09:32,405 --> 00:09:33,489
‎再衝到起司

271
00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:34,824
‎-逃到月球
‎-沒錯

272
00:09:35,866 --> 00:09:36,742
‎漢堡

273
00:09:37,034 --> 00:09:38,369
‎漢堡？

274
00:09:38,452 --> 00:09:40,162
‎這個人類到底要什麼？

275
00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:42,540
‎主人，她好像要漢堡三明治

276
00:09:42,623 --> 00:09:44,125
‎薯條

277
00:09:44,208 --> 00:09:46,586
‎不然半份薯條和洋蔥圈也可以

278
00:09:46,669 --> 00:09:48,337
‎阿安，想點辦法，快飛走

279
00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:51,465
‎蚊子太多，禁止使用飛行模式

280
00:09:51,549 --> 00:09:52,925
‎不要再跟我來這套電腦文化

281
00:09:53,009 --> 00:09:53,968
‎快做就對了

282
00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:56,637
‎（學生餐廳女人）

283
00:10:00,224 --> 00:10:02,977
‎天啊，那團黑雲遮住太陽了

284
00:10:03,060 --> 00:10:04,645
‎那不是黑雲

285
00:10:04,729 --> 00:10:06,981
‎抱歉，“非裔美國”雲

286
00:10:07,064 --> 00:10:07,898
‎不是，尼克

287
00:10:07,982 --> 00:10:09,358
‎那些是蚊子

288
00:10:09,442 --> 00:10:10,901
‎現在是誰有種族歧視？

289
00:10:11,569 --> 00:10:13,904
‎天啊，好噁心

290
00:10:13,988 --> 00:10:15,740
‎靠…

291
00:10:15,823 --> 00:10:17,742
‎準備緊急迫降

292
00:10:20,328 --> 00:10:21,996
‎我的冷萃咖啡

293
00:10:25,875 --> 00:10:26,834
‎進行…

294
00:10:27,752 --> 00:10:28,586
‎重載

295
00:10:30,254 --> 00:10:32,715
‎找到…潔西…

296
00:10:33,591 --> 00:10:34,800
‎安德魯3000

297
00:10:35,009 --> 00:10:35,885
‎我唯一的朋友

298
00:10:35,968 --> 00:10:36,927
‎好，什麼？是

299
00:10:37,303 --> 00:10:38,346
‎在你斷氣前…

300
00:10:38,429 --> 00:10:39,263
‎是，尼克？

301
00:10:39,347 --> 00:10:40,431
‎給我…

302
00:10:40,514 --> 00:10:41,349
‎好爽

303
00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:46,437
‎不要啊，我的好爽沒了

304
00:10:47,813 --> 00:10:49,732
‎好爽…

305
00:10:53,944 --> 00:10:55,071
‎我們回來了

306
00:10:56,113 --> 00:10:58,032
‎等等，這是哪裡？難道是…

307
00:10:58,115 --> 00:10:59,241
‎我以前的房間？

308
00:11:00,076 --> 00:11:01,410
‎不要，求求你

309
00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:02,495
‎求求你不要殺我

310
00:11:02,578 --> 00:11:04,246
‎你要什麼？我的簽名海報？

311
00:11:04,330 --> 00:11:05,498
‎還是一把我的陰毛？

312
00:11:05,581 --> 00:11:06,624
‎丟臉的是你

313
00:11:06,707 --> 00:11:08,292
‎我下面滑到像花瓶

314
00:11:08,376 --> 00:11:10,294
‎還是沒毛嗎，尼克？

315
00:11:10,378 --> 00:11:11,253
‎杰？

316
00:11:11,337 --> 00:11:12,630
‎你在我家做什麼？

317
00:11:12,713 --> 00:11:13,881
‎我住在這裡

318
00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:16,717
‎我是一個性部落的酋長

319
00:11:16,801 --> 00:11:20,137
‎在你小時候的家到處亂幹亂吸

320
00:11:20,221 --> 00:11:22,390
‎還有我是肌肉男

321
00:11:22,473 --> 00:11:23,641
‎都讓人很擔心

322
00:11:23,724 --> 00:11:26,477
‎杰，那些人類器官在哪？

323
00:11:26,560 --> 00:11:29,230
‎-好啦
‎-人家餓死了

324
00:11:29,313 --> 00:11:30,398
‎說來真巧

325
00:11:30,481 --> 00:11:32,608
‎我剛到外面翻找人來幹吃時

326
00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:33,609
‎就找到你

327
00:11:33,693 --> 00:11:36,070
‎未必是那個順序

328
00:11:36,737 --> 00:11:38,906
‎真不敢相信你們兩個還在一起

329
00:11:38,989 --> 00:11:40,324
‎30年的深厚感情

330
00:11:40,408 --> 00:11:41,242
‎沒錯

331
00:11:41,325 --> 00:11:44,370
‎坦白說我們也有過不順

332
00:11:44,453 --> 00:11:47,373
‎-才怪，他是說我的後背啦
‎-對

333
00:11:47,456 --> 00:11:49,208
‎現在都沒有臭氧層了

334
00:11:49,291 --> 00:11:51,252
‎我就像隻犀牛拼命曬太陽

335
00:11:51,335 --> 00:11:53,379
‎等等，我家人在哪？

336
00:11:53,462 --> 00:11:56,173
‎他們在露台幹起來了

337
00:11:56,257 --> 00:11:58,134
‎你一定要來看看我們的設計

338
00:11:58,718 --> 00:12:01,137
‎歡迎來到幹格里拉

339
00:12:02,513 --> 00:12:03,848
‎我們什麼都分享

340
00:12:03,931 --> 00:12:06,016
‎分享食物、財產和身體

341
00:12:06,100 --> 00:12:08,561
‎我們是真正的高潮主義幹托邦

342
00:12:08,644 --> 00:12:09,478
‎尼克？

343
00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:10,771
‎黛安？艾略特？

344
00:12:12,606 --> 00:12:15,526
‎沒錯，我忘了你討厭被摸

345
00:12:15,609 --> 00:12:16,736
‎我們能擊拳

346
00:12:16,819 --> 00:12:17,987
‎你好，尼克拉斯

347
00:12:18,070 --> 00:12:19,071
‎好啦，爸

348
00:12:19,155 --> 00:12:20,698
‎你能給我一個抱抱

349
00:12:20,781 --> 00:12:22,742
‎不要，我尊重你的界線

350
00:12:22,825 --> 00:12:26,162
‎現在杰能滿足我所有的情感

351
00:12:26,245 --> 00:12:27,538
‎爸爸，過來

352
00:12:28,789 --> 00:12:29,707
‎我的老天爺

353
00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:33,377
‎你們應該沒人有好爽吧？

354
00:12:34,503 --> 00:12:37,131
‎什麼？尼克，拜託

355
00:12:37,214 --> 00:12:38,924
‎這裡不用那種人造垃圾

356
00:12:39,008 --> 00:12:41,302
‎我們像祖先那樣幹

357
00:12:41,385 --> 00:12:42,762
‎那個意思就是

358
00:12:42,845 --> 00:12:46,515
‎我縮小到四個人可以當我祖先

359
00:12:48,184 --> 00:12:49,310
‎天啊，幾點了？

360
00:12:49,393 --> 00:12:50,686
‎我錯過米希的葬禮嗎？

361
00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:52,813
‎沒有，我們現在要坐我的帥車去

362
00:12:52,897 --> 00:12:53,898
‎是一台可愛的福斯車

363
00:12:53,981 --> 00:12:55,191
‎那台車很會蛇行

364
00:12:55,274 --> 00:12:56,358
‎很適合在路上掃射人

365
00:12:57,193 --> 00:12:58,277
‎拿上獵槍坐前面

366
00:13:04,283 --> 00:13:05,743
‎-艾略特？黛安？
‎-什麼事？

367
00:13:05,826 --> 00:13:07,328
‎要是世界快要末日

368
00:13:07,411 --> 00:13:09,413
‎但你們只有一個人能活下來

369
00:13:09,497 --> 00:13:10,498
‎你們會怎麼做？

370
00:13:10,998 --> 00:13:13,918
‎這是你的那個什麼倒數遊戲嗎？

371
00:13:14,001 --> 00:13:15,211
‎我們只看過第一季

372
00:13:15,294 --> 00:13:16,712
‎不是，這是真正的問題

373
00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:19,298
‎我很願意犧牲自己救你媽

374
00:13:19,381 --> 00:13:21,509
‎艾略特，你不用這麼傻

375
00:13:21,592 --> 00:13:23,469
‎因為我永遠不會離開你

376
00:13:23,552 --> 00:13:26,222
‎-知道了
‎-我們昨晚才聊過這個問題

377
00:13:26,305 --> 00:13:28,974
‎就在杰給我們火辣深插之前

378
00:13:29,058 --> 00:13:31,060
‎沒錯，你媽還流鼻血呢

379
00:13:31,727 --> 00:13:33,229
‎被雞雞深插到流鼻血

380
00:13:33,312 --> 00:13:34,271
‎杰，好樣的

381
00:13:34,355 --> 00:13:35,731
‎你們快上車

382
00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:37,566
‎趕快去那場葬禮吧

383
00:13:39,235 --> 00:13:40,277
‎末日來了

384
00:13:40,361 --> 00:13:42,530
‎快來裘德鎮加入我們

385
00:13:43,405 --> 00:13:45,741
‎（米希福爾曼葛林華德紀念中學）

386
00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:48,786
‎尼克史塔

387
00:13:48,869 --> 00:13:50,871
‎你好，我的同學

388
00:13:50,955 --> 00:13:52,039
‎我叫凱勒

389
00:13:52,122 --> 00:13:52,998
‎你好嗎？

390
00:13:53,082 --> 00:13:54,834
‎你整過型

391
00:13:55,543 --> 00:13:56,710
‎謝謝收看

392
00:13:58,087 --> 00:13:59,797
‎她在哪？潔西在哪？

393
00:14:00,214 --> 00:14:01,757
‎尼克，尼克史塔

394
00:14:01,841 --> 00:14:03,175
‎那是我的名字，不要煩我

395
00:14:03,259 --> 00:14:05,094
‎我的名人老朋友

396
00:14:05,177 --> 00:14:08,430
‎我跟很多人說我從小就認識你

397
00:14:08,514 --> 00:14:11,559
‎我有個像你的機器人死了

398
00:14:12,476 --> 00:14:14,436
‎謝謝，聽好，尼克

399
00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:17,231
‎現在你可以見一個人嗎？

400
00:14:17,314 --> 00:14:18,232
‎不要…

401
00:14:18,315 --> 00:14:20,359
‎小安德魯，這是尼克史塔

402
00:14:20,442 --> 00:14:22,736
‎尼克是名人，他認識我

403
00:14:22,820 --> 00:14:24,697
‎史塔先生，很高應認識你

404
00:14:24,780 --> 00:14:27,408
‎小莫，我才不要在葬禮打手槍

405
00:14:27,491 --> 00:14:28,409
‎天啊

406
00:14:28,492 --> 00:14:30,578
‎我們在他那個年紀就像這樣嗎？

407
00:14:30,661 --> 00:14:33,038
‎不是，我真的在葬禮打過手槍

408
00:14:33,122 --> 00:14:34,748
‎現在的小孩都是膽小鬼

409
00:14:34,832 --> 00:14:36,500
‎老公，葬禮快要開始了

410
00:14:36,584 --> 00:14:38,085
‎妳好，我是尼克史塔

411
00:14:38,168 --> 00:14:39,003
‎我知道，尼克

412
00:14:39,086 --> 00:14:40,296
‎是我，珍娜

413
00:14:40,379 --> 00:14:42,464
‎珍娜，妳看起來好像媽媽

414
00:14:42,548 --> 00:14:44,049
‎那是因為我就是媽媽

415
00:14:44,133 --> 00:14:45,676
‎看得出來

416
00:14:45,759 --> 00:14:47,386
‎王八蛋

417
00:14:47,469 --> 00:14:49,513
‎我去幫我們占幾個位子

418
00:14:49,597 --> 00:14:52,433
‎但尼克，很高興從你的死魚眼

419
00:14:52,516 --> 00:14:54,518
‎只看到強烈的寂寞

420
00:14:54,602 --> 00:14:56,103
‎謝謝收看

421
00:14:56,186 --> 00:14:58,063
‎那是珍娜耶

422
00:14:58,147 --> 00:15:00,357
‎我們小時候她的胸部超大的

423
00:15:00,441 --> 00:15:01,692
‎真不敢相信你娶到她

424
00:15:01,775 --> 00:15:03,485
‎我們有邀請你參加婚禮

425
00:15:03,569 --> 00:15:06,697
‎但你要求的亮相費我們付不起

426
00:15:06,780 --> 00:15:10,367
‎所以沒錢讓你很悲哀嗎？

427
00:15:10,451 --> 00:15:11,744
‎不會，想不到吧

428
00:15:11,827 --> 00:15:13,287
‎我有一個好老婆

429
00:15:13,370 --> 00:15:14,747
‎還有那個爛兒子

430
00:15:14,830 --> 00:15:17,625
‎-跟好爽那份穩定的工作
‎-等等

431
00:15:17,708 --> 00:15:20,628
‎我知道我不是什麼代言人…

432
00:15:20,711 --> 00:15:22,004
‎-暫停畫面，倒帶
‎-什麼？

433
00:15:22,087 --> 00:15:23,631
‎你剛說好爽什麼工作？

434
00:15:23,714 --> 00:15:24,798
‎我在那裡做了20年

435
00:15:24,882 --> 00:15:25,966
‎你身上有好爽嗎？

436
00:15:26,050 --> 00:15:26,884
‎我需要幾顆

437
00:15:26,967 --> 00:15:30,054
‎尼克史塔需要我幫忙

438
00:15:30,137 --> 00:15:31,639
‎聽我說，中產階級臭雞掰

439
00:15:31,722 --> 00:15:33,223
‎馬上給我好爽

440
00:15:33,307 --> 00:15:35,142
‎放心，給我兩分鐘就能拿到

441
00:15:35,225 --> 00:15:37,978
‎對了，嗚啦啦，中產階級耶

442
00:15:38,062 --> 00:15:39,939
‎感覺就像昨天

443
00:15:40,022 --> 00:15:41,482
‎我跟米希還一起參加

444
00:15:41,565 --> 00:15:44,151
‎911紀念博物館的校外教學

445
00:15:44,234 --> 00:15:45,653
‎那是因為隔天早上

446
00:15:45,736 --> 00:15:47,905
‎我被一隻忌妒的馬踢到頭

447
00:15:47,988 --> 00:15:49,990
‎就醒來，所以…

448
00:15:50,074 --> 00:15:52,159
‎那隻馬忌妒史提夫的雞雞比較大

449
00:15:52,242 --> 00:15:54,912
‎天啊，馬超愛演的

450
00:15:54,995 --> 00:15:56,664
‎靠，是潔西耶

451
00:15:58,457 --> 00:16:01,669
‎她的胸部看起來美到冒泡

452
00:16:04,171 --> 00:16:05,297
‎失陪一下

453
00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:07,967
‎潔西，潔西格拉瑟

454
00:16:08,050 --> 00:16:09,969
‎-嗨
‎-是我，尼克史塔

455
00:16:10,052 --> 00:16:11,303
‎我不會那樣叫你

456
00:16:11,387 --> 00:16:12,721
‎妳最好打我手機

457
00:16:12,805 --> 00:16:14,306
‎不然就不要再連絡

458
00:16:14,390 --> 00:16:16,141
‎尼克史塔只用三星

459
00:16:16,225 --> 00:16:18,811
‎先生，拜託你不要裝那種聲音

460
00:16:18,894 --> 00:16:20,562
‎是這種聲音嗎？

461
00:16:20,646 --> 00:16:21,772
‎說話像你自己就好

462
00:16:21,855 --> 00:16:23,315
‎她沒有喔

463
00:16:23,399 --> 00:16:24,483
‎不要鬧了

464
00:16:24,566 --> 00:16:25,859
‎幹嘛揍人啊？

465
00:16:25,943 --> 00:16:27,861
‎那才是真正的尼克柏奇

466
00:16:27,945 --> 00:16:29,405
‎對，真正的尼克柏奇

467
00:16:29,488 --> 00:16:31,073
‎天啊，又來了，做你自己

468
00:16:31,281 --> 00:16:33,283
‎好啦，我是尼克柏奇

469
00:16:33,367 --> 00:16:35,327
‎不要再裝那個討厭的金錢殭屍

470
00:16:35,411 --> 00:16:37,621
‎所以妳討厭金錢殭屍？

471
00:16:37,705 --> 00:16:38,539
‎看不出來嗎？

472
00:16:38,622 --> 00:16:40,165
‎我才把頭髮剃掉半邊

473
00:16:40,249 --> 00:16:41,458
‎-很好看
‎-謝謝

474
00:16:41,542 --> 00:16:43,794
‎很高興見到妳

475
00:16:43,877 --> 00:16:45,504
‎我們從那天就沒說過話…

476
00:16:45,587 --> 00:16:47,756
‎你在市區想強吻我的那天嗎？

477
00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:49,675
‎我以前好像暗戀妳

478
00:16:49,758 --> 00:16:50,592
‎是嗎？

479
00:16:50,676 --> 00:16:54,430
‎莫名其妙忌妒那個…

480
00:16:54,513 --> 00:16:55,931
‎-米開朗基羅？
‎-米開朗基羅

481
00:16:56,015 --> 00:16:57,808
‎-對
‎-我知道，他真的很做作

482
00:16:57,891 --> 00:16:58,934
‎就是說啊

483
00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:02,312
‎他在戀愛這門課傷我傷得很重

484
00:17:02,896 --> 00:17:04,772
‎不是我最愛的課

485
00:17:05,773 --> 00:17:08,777
‎真希望那時你有跟我告白

486
00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:10,570
‎也許情況就會不一樣

487
00:17:10,654 --> 00:17:13,615
‎潔西，要是現在可能不一樣呢？

488
00:17:13,699 --> 00:17:16,242
‎要是我說一切即將改變呢？

489
00:17:16,326 --> 00:17:17,243
‎你在說什麼？

490
00:17:17,327 --> 00:17:19,704
‎聽好，我不是來參加米希的葬禮

491
00:17:19,788 --> 00:17:21,749
‎-我是來找妳的
‎-真的嗎？

492
00:17:21,832 --> 00:17:23,500
‎潔西，世界快要末日了

493
00:17:23,584 --> 00:17:25,294
‎看也知道，不然我幹嘛剃頭？

494
00:17:25,377 --> 00:17:27,671
‎不是，就是今天，馬上就到

495
00:17:27,755 --> 00:17:30,299
‎-地核快要爆炸了
‎-天啊

496
00:17:30,382 --> 00:17:32,468
‎但我有辦法讓我和妳活下來

497
00:17:32,551 --> 00:17:34,636
‎只要讓我把這顆藥塞進妳屁眼

498
00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:36,138
‎我以前上過那個當

499
00:17:36,221 --> 00:17:37,723
‎潔西，我不是在開玩笑

500
00:17:37,806 --> 00:17:38,974
‎有一艘方舟要起飛

501
00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:40,184
‎這就是票

502
00:17:40,309 --> 00:17:41,477
‎那其他人怎麼辦？

503
00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:44,313
‎潔西，我很想救每個人

504
00:17:44,396 --> 00:17:45,230
‎-才怪
‎-我知道

505
00:17:45,314 --> 00:17:46,982
‎但我只能帶一個人

506
00:17:47,066 --> 00:17:48,567
‎我想帶妳走

507
00:17:48,942 --> 00:17:50,486
‎一直都是妳

508
00:17:50,944 --> 00:17:51,779
‎天啊

509
00:17:52,738 --> 00:17:54,156
‎一直都是你

510
00:17:54,239 --> 00:17:55,741
‎對，好嗎？

511
00:17:59,119 --> 00:18:01,205
‎好吧，把藥塞進我屁眼

512
00:18:01,288 --> 00:18:02,122
‎轉過去

513
00:18:04,833 --> 00:18:06,251
‎-天啊
‎-妳在笑什麼？

514
00:18:06,335 --> 00:18:08,087
‎我們30年前

515
00:18:08,170 --> 00:18:10,798
‎就在這條走廊有過可怕的初吻

516
00:18:10,881 --> 00:18:12,382
‎潔西，妳不要再說話了

517
00:18:12,466 --> 00:18:13,342
‎放輕鬆就好

518
00:18:13,425 --> 00:18:14,885
‎藥一直塞不進去

519
00:18:14,968 --> 00:18:16,220
‎所以最後

520
00:18:16,303 --> 00:18:18,347
‎我只好相信米希明白

521
00:18:18,430 --> 00:18:20,474
‎胸罩是要裝小蘿蔔的

522
00:18:20,974 --> 00:18:22,810
‎我沒有穿胸罩

523
00:18:24,978 --> 00:18:27,815
‎一杯天然沒過濾的好爽

524
00:18:27,898 --> 00:18:29,483
‎給我最好的兄弟

525
00:18:30,317 --> 00:18:32,569
‎好爽，太新鮮了

526
00:18:32,653 --> 00:18:33,654
‎你從哪弄來的？

527
00:18:33,737 --> 00:18:34,571
‎我自己做的

528
00:18:34,655 --> 00:18:36,240
‎我聽不懂

529
00:18:36,323 --> 00:18:37,991
‎好爽是我的精液

530
00:18:38,075 --> 00:18:39,326
‎你吸的是我的精液

531
00:18:39,409 --> 00:18:40,244
‎不會吧

532
00:18:40,327 --> 00:18:41,161
‎好爽吧

533
00:18:41,495 --> 00:18:42,329
‎好爽

534
00:18:43,705 --> 00:18:44,873
‎地球的人民

535
00:18:44,957 --> 00:18:46,583
‎要是你們看到這段影片

536
00:18:46,875 --> 00:18:48,127
‎我是被謀殺的

537
00:18:48,252 --> 00:18:50,254
‎因為我知道太多了

538
00:18:51,338 --> 00:18:52,172
‎劇情大逆轉

539
00:18:52,256 --> 00:18:53,423
‎我畢生的心血

540
00:18:53,507 --> 00:18:54,842
‎地球種子計畫

541
00:18:54,925 --> 00:18:57,427
‎原本應該能拯救全人類

542
00:18:57,511 --> 00:18:59,680
‎但現在財大氣粗的有錢人

543
00:18:59,763 --> 00:19:01,306
‎接管那個計畫

544
00:19:01,390 --> 00:19:04,101
‎他們只想救自己

545
00:19:04,184 --> 00:19:06,436
‎你那該死的手不要抓我的陰毛

546
00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:08,397
‎下水道骯髒的馬桶人

547
00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:10,399
‎在下面亂抓人家的陰毛

548
00:19:10,482 --> 00:19:12,860
‎這個世界快要末日了

549
00:19:12,943 --> 00:19:14,570
‎比我們預測得快很多

550
00:19:14,653 --> 00:19:16,238
‎她說的快很多是有多快？

551
00:19:16,738 --> 00:19:17,573
‎就是今天

552
00:19:17,656 --> 00:19:18,490
‎我就知道

553
00:19:18,574 --> 00:19:20,325
‎今天就是世界末日

554
00:19:20,409 --> 00:19:22,661
‎那我們還有兩天的時間

555
00:19:22,744 --> 00:19:24,913
‎但有一艘太空方舟

556
00:19:24,997 --> 00:19:27,416
‎會從希克瑞里國際機場起飛

557
00:19:27,499 --> 00:19:28,333
‎糟了

558
00:19:28,417 --> 00:19:30,669
‎快去機場，逃命吧

559
00:19:30,752 --> 00:19:33,422
‎每個人都應該有生存的機會

560
00:19:33,505 --> 00:19:36,175
‎不只是有特權的少數人

561
00:19:37,676 --> 00:19:39,052
‎或是…

562
00:19:39,136 --> 00:19:41,597
‎有特權的少數人能繼續說話

563
00:19:41,722 --> 00:19:44,183
‎拖延時間，再慢慢退出去

564
00:19:44,266 --> 00:19:45,267
‎抓住他

565
00:19:46,685 --> 00:19:48,103
‎尼克，快跑

566
00:19:55,068 --> 00:19:56,778
‎你看？沒那麼大

567
00:19:58,822 --> 00:20:01,200
‎混亂主宰世界

568
00:20:02,993 --> 00:20:04,953
‎尼克，等等，帶我們一起走

569
00:20:05,037 --> 00:20:06,663
‎我想當第一個

570
00:20:06,747 --> 00:20:08,207
‎在月球上大便的女人

571
00:20:08,290 --> 00:20:10,459
‎去幹我爸媽到死吧

572
00:20:11,835 --> 00:20:13,462
‎那句話超傷人的

573
00:20:13,545 --> 00:20:14,379
‎不得不佩服他呢

574
00:20:14,463 --> 00:20:15,881
‎世界快要末日了

575
00:20:15,964 --> 00:20:18,258
‎你趕快征服我吧

576
00:20:25,641 --> 00:20:27,059
‎靠

577
00:20:27,476 --> 00:20:28,560
‎康托迪娜？

578
00:20:29,686 --> 00:20:30,520
‎妳要去哪？

579
00:20:30,604 --> 00:20:32,314
‎確保我們趕上那艘方舟

580
00:20:36,902 --> 00:20:39,321
‎噗噗

581
00:20:41,949 --> 00:20:43,575
‎小豬，這樣就行了

582
00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:52,167
‎那樣插隊也是個方法

583
00:20:52,251 --> 00:20:55,170
‎潔西，有聽到我剛說的酷話嗎？

584
00:20:55,254 --> 00:20:56,838
‎-我們有票
‎-讓我過

585
00:20:56,922 --> 00:20:57,923
‎我是電視主持人

586
00:20:58,006 --> 00:21:00,217
‎演過一部電影，真是個好經驗

587
00:21:00,300 --> 00:21:02,344
‎很像夏令營，我們就玩而已

588
00:21:02,803 --> 00:21:04,263
‎尼克史塔？

589
00:21:05,222 --> 00:21:07,391
‎很抱歉我也不想當那個人

590
00:21:07,474 --> 00:21:09,810
‎我們自拍一張不會麻煩你吧？

591
00:21:09,893 --> 00:21:10,727
‎好的

592
00:21:10,811 --> 00:21:12,229
‎你聽起來好像不太興奮

593
00:21:12,312 --> 00:21:14,147
‎妳到底要不要拍？

594
00:21:18,402 --> 00:21:20,612
‎樂透趴趴走有四集不能看

595
00:21:20,696 --> 00:21:21,571
‎把那關掉

596
00:21:22,155 --> 00:21:24,324
‎我們能自己找樂子

597
00:21:24,408 --> 00:21:26,994
‎我等這一刻等了好久

598
00:21:32,916 --> 00:21:33,750
‎嗨

599
00:21:33,834 --> 00:21:34,668
‎嗨

600
00:21:42,217 --> 00:21:43,343
‎-等等，有…
‎-什麼？

601
00:21:43,427 --> 00:21:45,012
‎-有件事我要告訴妳
‎-什麼事？

602
00:21:45,095 --> 00:21:46,930
‎我只用過好爽

603
00:21:47,014 --> 00:21:49,057
‎我是處男

604
00:21:49,641 --> 00:21:50,642
‎很快就不是了

605
00:21:52,769 --> 00:21:55,063
‎很好，最後那一踢

606
00:21:55,147 --> 00:21:56,982
‎把我的腦袋踢正了

607
00:21:57,065 --> 00:21:58,859
‎現在我變得很有智慧

608
00:21:58,942 --> 00:22:00,569
‎我知道怎麼拯救地球

609
00:22:00,652 --> 00:22:02,821
‎但我要先給這隻馬看

610
00:22:02,904 --> 00:22:04,614
‎我那根又大又肥的香腸

611
00:22:04,698 --> 00:22:05,824
‎大衛，你看這根…

612
00:22:07,868 --> 00:22:10,704
‎天啊，好爽

613
00:22:10,787 --> 00:22:13,332
‎蘿娜，我好愛妳

614
00:22:13,415 --> 00:22:15,917
‎杰，我們應該分手

615
00:22:19,713 --> 00:22:22,674
‎我們一家人要死在一起

616
00:22:23,216 --> 00:22:24,468
‎小莫，好主意

617
00:22:24,551 --> 00:22:26,678
‎爸媽，我要去樓上我房間

618
00:22:26,762 --> 00:22:27,888
‎把門鎖上死在裡面

619
00:22:27,971 --> 00:22:29,222
‎再見，不要進來

620
00:22:29,306 --> 00:22:30,140
‎他是要…

621
00:22:30,223 --> 00:22:31,391
‎有其父必有其子

622
00:22:31,475 --> 00:22:32,309
‎要嗎？

623
00:22:32,392 --> 00:22:33,310
‎寶貝，妳真懂我

624
00:22:43,904 --> 00:22:45,113
‎沒事吧？

625
00:22:45,197 --> 00:22:47,282
‎抱歉，只是第一次會緊張

626
00:22:47,366 --> 00:22:48,617
‎我是說世界末日剛過

627
00:22:48,700 --> 00:22:50,285
‎所以我的小頭有點搞混

628
00:22:50,369 --> 00:22:52,412
‎但我們應該紓壓一下

629
00:22:52,496 --> 00:22:53,622
‎看樂透趴趴走還是…

630
00:22:53,705 --> 00:22:54,748
‎算了

631
00:22:54,831 --> 00:22:56,583
‎我保證下一次會更好

632
00:22:57,209 --> 00:22:58,293
‎尼克

633
00:22:58,877 --> 00:23:00,170
‎沒有下一次了

634
00:23:00,253 --> 00:23:02,130
‎我聽不懂，妳在說什麼？

635
00:23:02,214 --> 00:23:04,883
‎我剛只是在討好你可悲的自我

636
00:23:04,966 --> 00:23:06,093
‎好登上方舟

637
00:23:06,176 --> 00:23:10,263
‎就能把你們這群有錢人炸死

638
00:23:10,347 --> 00:23:12,599
‎那剛才妳吻我是怎樣？

639
00:23:12,682 --> 00:23:15,936
‎-我只是想最後一次高潮
‎-什麼？

640
00:23:16,019 --> 00:23:16,937
‎很難說

641
00:23:17,020 --> 00:23:18,772
‎你讓我爽就不用同歸於盡

642
00:23:18,855 --> 00:23:20,190
‎天啊，好傷人

643
00:23:20,273 --> 00:23:22,275
‎妳不會跟妳朋友說吧？

644
00:23:22,359 --> 00:23:23,443
‎尼克，永別了

645
00:23:23,527 --> 00:23:25,779
‎你是幹不起來的壞人

646
00:23:25,862 --> 00:23:26,696
‎天啊

647
00:23:26,780 --> 00:23:28,115
‎現在準備好來玩…

648
00:23:28,198 --> 00:23:30,826
‎死亡倒數

649
00:23:30,909 --> 00:23:32,869
‎天啊，要怎麼辦？

650
00:23:32,953 --> 00:23:35,372
‎尼克，你要救自己

651
00:23:35,455 --> 00:23:36,706
‎對，救自己

652
00:23:43,547 --> 00:23:45,632
‎馬桶人萬歲

653
00:23:51,012 --> 00:23:52,180
‎世界沒人生存下來

654
00:23:52,681 --> 00:23:53,515
‎只剩我一個人

655
00:23:53,974 --> 00:23:55,058
‎只剩我孤獨一個人

656
00:23:55,684 --> 00:23:57,686
‎尼克，你不是孤獨一個人

657
00:23:58,061 --> 00:23:59,688
‎是誰？妳是誰？

658
00:24:00,147 --> 00:24:01,106
‎是我啊，傻瓜

659
00:24:01,189 --> 00:24:03,692
‎天啊，妳是焦慮蚊子蒂托

660
00:24:03,775 --> 00:24:05,152
‎你是尼克柏奇

661
00:24:05,235 --> 00:24:07,612
‎你現在坐在校車上

662
00:24:07,696 --> 00:24:10,532
‎整個人嚇到掉渣

663
00:24:11,658 --> 00:24:13,910
‎祝史提夫教練生日快樂

664
00:24:13,994 --> 00:24:16,037
‎謝天謝地，原來是做夢

665
00:24:16,121 --> 00:24:16,955
‎你確定？

666
00:24:17,038 --> 00:24:18,373
‎我感覺不像做夢

667
00:24:18,457 --> 00:24:20,709
‎什麼…不要又是妳

668
00:24:20,792 --> 00:24:22,878
‎-沒錯
‎-我們回來了

669
00:24:22,961 --> 00:24:24,838
‎完了，要怎麼辦才好？

670
00:24:24,921 --> 00:24:27,090
‎你要怎麼辦？

671
00:24:27,174 --> 00:24:28,967
‎瑞克？你來這裡幹嘛？

672
00:24:29,050 --> 00:24:30,260
‎他們又找事給我做了

673
00:24:30,343 --> 00:24:31,219
‎寶貝，我回來了

674
00:24:31,303 --> 00:24:32,387
‎我們先回來的

675
00:24:32,471 --> 00:24:33,847
‎亂說，才不是

676
00:24:33,930 --> 00:24:34,931
‎我才是，妳是蟲子

677
00:24:35,015 --> 00:24:36,808
‎你又當回我的荷爾蒙男怪？

678
00:24:36,892 --> 00:24:38,727
‎我操！

679
00:24:38,810 --> 00:24:41,104
‎好啦，聽說你操不起來喔

680
00:25:23,438 --> 00:25:25,440
‎字幕翻譯：李儀