Yes!
Yes, I'm here!
What is it? What is it?
I thought I lost you.
Oh, God! Did you mean to do that?
Think you broke my nose!
Was that on purpose? Ed?
Alright, everyone. Great to see us all together here again.
What happened to your face?
Bet Blackbeard did that, didn't he?
It was an accident. Okay? I think Ed just sat up too quickly.
That's what they all say.
As you know, he's gone through quite the ordeal
and he does need to regain his strength.
Yeah. He'll probably get around to killing you after he's rested.
Yeah, I'd say it's a pretty obvious mistake
letting him get strong again.
Yes. Hello?
Kick him off the ship already!
- Facts, facts! - Hey, hey, hang on.
We don't just banish people, do we? That's not us.
Let's give him some time, perhaps to rebound a bit.
Medically speaking, the man can't speak, and his brain is maybe couscous.
Also, gonna need that steak back.
- It's dinner. - Right. Yes, aye.
Maybe we should put it to the vote.
Do we have to do this now?
Hello there, traveler.
You've been down to the gravy basket, haven't you?
Been down there a few times myself.
Did ya have a vision?
Hey.
He's seen better days, hasn't he?
At least he's still got both legs!
Yes!
He can't hear you, he's got no head.
You've got a head, though, which you should
- look after. - What do you want, Bonnet?
Well, here's the thing.
The crew, they're in a bit of a deadlock over the whole banishment of Ed thing
and I just thought, seeing as, well,
you were the one who kept his body aboard, maybe you should weigh in.
You've already murdered him once. Seems like a pretty good payback.
So, what do you think?
My vote?
A rotten leg's got to come off.
Right.
Just to confirm, was that a nay or yay on the banishment?
So! We, the crew of "The Revenge," have voted
and we've chosen banishment, unfortunately.
So, yeah. Effective immediately.
Your complimentary dinghy awaits you portside.
- Now leave, please. - Fuck off.
Alright. Rude.
Fuck you.
It's the first time I've been on this side of a walk of shame.
- Way to make this awkward, bruh. - Shitty sailing with you.
You're making it really hard to look up to you, man.
Hey, made you this sandwich for the trip.
Don't you want your sammie?
Ed? Say something, at least.
You're not a fuckin' mermaid.
What?
I'm no mermaid? What does that mean?
Pay him no heed. He's still half-dead.
Here. Walk with me over yonder.
I'll explain.
I'm huntin' for a vessel.
So's I can turn into a bird.
Alright. Fine. Yeah.
Let's do it.
So
here I go again on my own.
Fuck off, nature.
Walkin' down the only road I've ever known.
Like a gyp--
A wolf.
Are you a friend, Wolf?
I don't even know why I got this one. It's a big spider.
I don't even like spiders, but I thought maybe
I'd be able to get over my fear of spiders if I got a big spider on my hand.
But every time I look at it, I freak out.
So that's why I wear those black leather gloves.
God, look how much I'm opening up to you.
I feel like I've just found my new best friend.
We're just like two lone wolves, you and me.
It's a very rare thing, to find someone who understands you.
You'll always be safe with me. Okay?
What the fuck? What the fuck? Who the fuck did that?
- Teach? - Read?
- What the fuck? - Oh, my God.
Well, it really does sound like hell, this gravy bucket thing.
Betwixt hell and high heaven, to be more precise.
So he escaped, but now he's sort of unmoored?
Aye. Can't tell what's real and what's the basket anymore.
They'll have a beaut of a vessel in there.
Hello! Are these things for sale?
They are available, yes.
For lovers of beauty.
Well, my friend is looking for a bowl.
Specifically, somethin' suitable for an avian transmogrification ceremony.
Yes, he's turning into a bird, apparently.
Well, you might wanna check down yonder by the headboards.
Have a little dig around.
Superb.
Oh, my God. This is a Louis XIV Giltwood console!
Look at the detailing! That is exquisite.
Don't you have an incredible eye?
Anne Bonny. Collector.
Stede Bonnet. Lover of beauty.
Annie!
Look who I fuckin' found.
Where's my Annie fuckin' Bonny?
Eddie motherfucking Teach!
Oh, my darling! Fuck.
Good to see you. Yes, it is.
Hello, Edward.
Jesus Christ. Here we go.
Hi.
I wasn't looking for you, by the way.
Mate, I don't care if you were.
Wait, you two know each other?
- What are the fuckin' odds? - Very high, apparently.
- Shipmates. - Former.
- Well, you should both stay for dinner. - Yeah.
I don't wanna make him feel uncomfortable.
Him? Hey, look, you do whatever you want.
You're good at that.
I mean, I could.
Potentially, I could have dinner.
Whatever.
- Whatever. - Whatever.
Is it just me or does the energy around here seem off?
By "the energy," do we mean him?
Or him?
Well, mythical creature?
Anything to say for yourself?
Fuck you!
Or them?
Do you still see blood?
Yeah. We'll get it. Just keep scrubbing.
They're lookin' this way.
They've got a feral quality.
I hate to say it, but I think Blackbeard really messed them up.
I think I know what we should do for them.
They just need to be reminded that they have value.
And that this is a safe space.
Sea la madre, they're definitely planning something.
- Yeah. - Sharp, innit.
It's gonna be really disappointing if we kill them in self-defense.
- Yeah. - Great scrubbing.
So clean.
So, the jail guard,
with the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen,
pulls his entire fuckin' face off.
Turns out, this one had sliced the face off some Brit
and come to my rescue.
Now that's romance.
The trick is, you gotta slice, cut while ya peel.
Most people, they try to muscle it, and that's how ya tear a face.
Quite the shift, going from wearing people's faces
to becoming antique collectors.
So, what about you two? How did you meet?
Well, I'd been gut-stabbed and he just so happened upon the ship
I was bleeding out on.
- Nice. - Yes. Ed saved my life, actually.
Well, actually, I was planning on killing him myself.
Burning his face off, taking his identity, the whole lot.
But he decided I wasn't going to doggie heaven.
More like I relented.
And for a short time after that, at least, we sailed the seas happily.
Until he completely boned it.
Can we not do this now?
Can do it anytime I like.
Fuckin' clock.
Bollocks! I gotta go check on dinner.
What happened to your beard?
I liked it when it was longer better.
Well, I got the crazy notion to shave it off.
- Immediately regretted it. - Mary!
Come and help me. This rabbit is fucked!
Coming!
Fuckin' have to do everything around here.
Fuckin' kill the rabbit, fuckin' cook the rabbit.
Fuck's sake.
For what it's worth, I like your beard. The length.
Thank you.
Buttons was saying something about a gravy bowl
and you're half-dead or something.
- You really screwed it up this time. - I'm fine.
And maybe don't listen to a man who's becoming a bird.
- Don't touch me! - I do as I please.
There ya go, how's that?
What the hell?
Sorry. Sorry. Dinner's gonna be a minute.
Someone forgot to take the intestines out of the rabbit.
Nobody minds a bit of shit on their rabbit.
- Top up? - Yeah.
You've got a thing.
On your-- In your back.
You got something sticking outta your shoulder.
Fuck me.
Do you want a hand with that?
No. Annie put it in there, Annie can take it out.
You want me to take it out now, do you?
Is there a fuckin' echo in the room, is there?
Get over here.
Flick it. Yeah. Flick it.
How's that? How's that? How's that?
Six inches of silver in your scapula.
It's inside. How lovely and deep that is.
We could leave if you want some
privacy.
Alright, you lot. Just this way.
You gotta close your eyes 'cause it's a surprise.
Oh, yeah, right.
We're not too much into surprises these days.
Fair enough. Anyway, brace yourselves.
Fuck!
Guys, it's called a pine-ata.
Yeah. So, you just pull this string and then--
And then ya try to hit it with a stick!
- Time for blindfolding. - Stay the fuck away from me!
You won't want to stay the fuck away from this cake!
God's sake, take it away!
There's quite a bit of rabbit poop, but I think we can salvage it.
You're sensitive, aren't you?
You appreciate things.
You have taste. Eddie was crazy to let you go.
I'm not sure either of us have let go, exactly.
Real smooth.
Slowing down, old man.
So, what was up with all the stabbing?
Just something we do. Keeps things fresh.
Stede stabbed me once.
Had to make him do it.
He's so fragile.
- You've got a type. - Type?
No, I don't.
Artsy outsider was always your thing.
- Bullshit. - You're caught up in this whirlpool,
just like me and Annie.
I just didn't belong back with my old life.
Mary and the kids.
And that was the second time you left your wife, was it?
Ex-wife.
It feels funny to say that.
You're a heartbreaker, Stede.
Oh, I don't know about that.
I mean, I may have wounded a heart or two.
Coy boy. Wound this.
They're gonna be so jealous.
Look, I honestly--
Nah. Knock off. Pile of junk.
Buttons! You're still here?
Eureka.
This is not what it looks like.
I had a sore back and she's
medically trained?
- Are you alright? - I don't feel good.
Look, she poisoned me.
What?
One-half of this room has some serious emotional problems.
- And it's not us. - Well, it's not us!
Right, so, is everybody else's arms and various limbs getting tired?
Yep.
Alright, look. Look, look, look.
I think there's actually an easier way to resolve this.
Yes? Right. So you all think that we're plottin' against you?
Yeah, yeah. Which, in hindsight, maybe was inaccurate.
- I don't know. You tell me. - Okay. So, can we all agree
to just not jump the other crew and solve this as fuckin' adults?
You're saying this is like a space that is safe?
- Yeah. - Yeah, babe.
- I love that. - A safe space.
A lot has gone unsaid.
I think now is a great time to discuss lingering issues.
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
Can we talk about the fucked-up sleeping arrangements?
- Because... - Excuse me.
Do you even have a name, new guy?
Yeah, "Fuck You" is her name.
Hey, stupid name for a person.
You know my name is Archie.
It's done!
Maybe next time he'll think twice about not doing his fucking--
Fuck off, twats!
Leave me alone.
I'm already gone. You're born alone, you die alone.
Yeah, he's definitely more disturbed than any of us.
You're born alone, die alone...
Rabbit's delicious, hon.
So tender.
So glad you love it, my darling.
And I got the gift you left me in my glass, earlier.
How's the rabbit, guys?
It's lovely.
I can barely taste the shit.
I can tell this rabbit was actually quite intelligent, huh?
From the texture.
So, Stede, what's it like being back at sea?
It's really nice. Yeah. I missed it.
Yeah, you must have. 'Cause you left your wife twice.
Wait, what?
You left me for Mary.
Look, I was going to tell you. It's just--
- Ed. - One second.
I told you in confidence.
Ed?
Ed.
Can I please explain?
Please, take the blanket off.
Fuck off. Go away.
You can't blame me for not telling you about Mary.
Yes, I can. I'm blaming you right now.
- I'm blaming the fuck outta you. - Well, it's not fair.
You hardly gave me a chance to say anything.
Fair? Know what's not fair?
You ditching me without a note or anything,
then expecting me to just melt back into your arms
soon as you pop your fuckin' head up.
I never expected that.
I never expected a headbutt either, but I received one.
God. Yeah, throw that back
- in my face now, too. - I will actually
- because it bloody well hurt! - Nice. Nice one. Good!
I'm glad it fuckin' hurt! It was supposed to hurt!
That's the point of headbutts!
- Alright. - I'm such a fuckin' idiot.
I trusted you.
I trusted us.
But I was just a whim. Yeah, just a whim to you.
Another plaything like your fancy toy unicorn boat and your wife.
I was a whim to you. Yeah.
You were gonna burn my face off, remember?
I got over that pretty quick, didn't I?
We were moving so fast.
We're both whim-proned.
And two people prone to whims shouldn't just run off to China.
I was all in, mate.
I was all in.
I panicked.
Then you shaved your beard off, for me.
Again with the beard.
I'm sorry if my horrible, naked chin disgusts you
- so much. - I love your chin.
Naked or otherwise.
- Ed. - Don't.
- I love-- - No, don't.
You don't get to say that to me.
I love everything about you.
You don't have to say it back to me.
I'm not about to.
I love being near you.
It's nice. It feels good.
Breathing the same air.
"Breathing the same--"
Oh, my God, it was so fucking earnest.
It worked. Have you guys even had sex yet?
- That is private. - That's none of your business.
- I called it! I fucking called it! - You fucking called it!
You've not even given each other a handy?
- A little tickle? - Excuse me.
- Our private lives are our private lives. - What are you talking about?
I'll tell you what, though, Ed.
I think he might like the ladies 'cause he gave me a proper tonguing
in the kitchen.
No, she kissed me right before she threw up.
- You bloody devil. - I know.
- I'm sorry, love. - I know exactly what's happening here.
I know what's goin' on. It's a game.
This is just a sick game for them, and now we're part of it.
I would've expected as much from Anne here, who's a fucking psycho!
- Hey! - Come on!
- Ya steal people's faces. - That's right.
And you, Mary, what the fuck happened to you?
We moved to a swamp to sell fucking antiques to fuckin' no one.
We get our fun where we can!
What?
We can leave any time.
It's you who is scared that you're too old to go back to pirating.
- I never fuckin' said-- - Yes, she did!
- Bitch! - Don't you say that fucking word!
Bitch, please. Why don't you go and dust
some end tables or something?
Been wanting to do that for fuckin' years.
- Nice. Really healthy. - Well done, Mary.
I bet Anne really loved that ugly piece of shit clock.
Are you a united front now?
You lightweights.
You fuckin' 14-year-old boys.
Me and Annie, we're what an adult relationship looks like.
Adult? The fuck you talkin' about?
Really? I mean, she stabbed you,
you poisoned her, and then she jumped on my face.
Just you watch.
You're hot for each other now,
but eventually, your charms'll lose impact and become annoyances.
The mystery? Gone. The magic? In the wind.
Fun and games are all that's left.
The only distraction to the last unknown in your relationship:
which of you will slump over first?
There. I torched it all.
We're free.
You didn't.
Even the little posh tables and that big cupboard thingy?
Yeah, the armoire.
Everything must go.
You are so fucking hot right now.
I know.
Yeah. Your house is on fire!
- Oh, shit. Come on. - See you, guys.
- Hold it. - I am holding it.
Sorry, and twist it a bit, please?
Yeah, that's the one.
- Yeah, yeah. - Alright.
Well, that's quite lovely, innit?
Yeah. Gold paint's a nice touch. I thought it'd be overkill, but.
Yeah, but will it be load-bearing?
'Cause that would be embarrassin'.
And you? What's your excuse?
I mean, what even are you?
Fuck off.
Fuck off!
You are harassing a cripple!
Fucking twats!
Fucking cocksuckers.
Goddess, devour me. Balmy water. Balmy water.
Slick my bones. Spoiled boiled eggs.
Lotta your friends are troubled, aren't they?
Yeah. Ya know, they're all pirates.
True.
What are you gonna do tonight?
Tonight? I don't know. I was gonna stay with them,
but I don't know.
Maybe I'll just crash in the trees or somethin'.
Well, I was thinking if you wanted to,
- I mean, I could ask-- - Well, no, you shouldn't have to--
- Sorry, you go. - Oh, no, you go. No, sorry.
- Nah, you. No, you. - Okay.
I was just gonna say I could put it to the crew
and if you wanted to stay one more night on the ship,
ya know, extenuating circumstances and all that.
- Yes. - What's that?
It might be nice.
Great!
- Yeah. - I mean, yeah. Wait there.
- The sea is my love. - Jesus Christ.
You're still here. I forgot about you.
But there is a cruel limit to the passion I can share
with Her Majesty in this current form.
No offense, man, but I just need you to not be weird right now.
To love the sea as she must be loved,
requires change.
Oh, my God.
That's what I learned
down in the old gravy basket.
Here, hold that.
Earth, wind, and fire, reassemble upon Her Majesty.
I wanna go higher.
Okay.
Buttons, people don't change, not into birds or otherwise.
Buttons?
Buttons? Hey.
Enough fuckin' around, mate. You're not a fucking bird.
Fuck yeah, brother.
Fly.
Ed.
Hey, can you come with?
It's getting a bit dark, and I can't, actually,
I can't find my way back to the ship.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, comin'.
Hey! Buttons turned into a seagull!
- What? - Yeah, he flew off.
I won't be eatin' this way when I'm a bird.
- You won't, will you? - No.
Pescatarian, he calls it.
So, there's another Mary?
You ask me,
it's like a non-stop knockin' shop on that ship.