(ambient nature sounds)
(light guitar music playing)
Blackbeard: For the first time in my life,
I'm truly and fully present.
I used to view the sea as a battlefield.
But now I can appreciate the bounty it has to offer
and all of the natural beauty that surrounds it.
♪
I am but a humble wanderer blessed with this feast.
No better than a heron, or a blade of grass,
or some sand,
or, like... I don't know, like, a wave or somethin'.
Even a single fish scale holds majesty.
Mysterious beauty.
♪
(father growls)
(son grunts)
I'd like to give thanks... to the spirits of the deep
for the wonderful bounty that we caught today.
So many fish... and without really even trying.
(Blackbeard chuckles)
I'd also like to pay thanks to
these two simple fishermen before me
who have welcomed me into their simple lives
and shown me their simple ways--
- Ow! Ah! Pop-Pop! - (clanking)
- Call me simple again, I dare you! - Blackbeard: Pop-Pop.
What? What have I done to offend you?
You don't work! You don't do anything!
You sit on your ass all day!
Oh, well, (stammers)... I just don't understand.
I'll work harder. I'll work faster.
- You have no skills! - Well, you did say you could fish.
I said I caught a fish once.
Oh no, Pop-Pop, Pop-Pop, come on. Pop-Pop! Pop-Pop!
- We are not simple! - (indistinct yelling)
- Get off me, Pop-Pop. - We aren't simple!
- One more time! - Pop-Pop. Calm down, Pop-Pop.
- You calm down! You calm down! - Calm down! Get off me, Pop-Pop!
You control your Pop-Pop. Control your Pop-Pop!
Stop callin' me Pop-Pop!
Stop telling him what to do!
You ruined dinner!
Blackbeard: I'm sorry if I offended you, Pop-Pop.
I was trying to say a nice thing. Here.
Here, just take it-- just take your plate.
Hold out your bowl.
Okay, here we go. Here we go.
Okay. Put some of, of that fish onto yours.
(splats)
Pop-- Pop-Pop, I'm so--
Pop-- Pop-Pop. Pop-- Pop-Pop.
It's just a fish! It's just a fish!
(grunts)
♪
Father: If you were ever good at anything,
go and do that, you bum!
You guys are dicks!
(dramatic music plays)
(birds cawing)
(dog barking)
Lieutenant: Destroying the Republic of Pirates
and eliminating Zheng and the Eastern threat
in one fell swoop.
Yes.
It was rather brilliant, wasn't it? (laughs)
Well, who'd have thought
little Prince Richard could've pulled this off?
Anyone with half a brain.
Soldiers (singing): ♪ Rule Britannia ♪
♪ Britannia rules the waves ♪
♪ Britain never, never, never shall be slaves ♪
♪ Rule Britannia ♪
- ♪ Britannia rules the waves ♪ - Freshen your drink, sir.
♪ Britain never, never, never shall be slaves ♪
- Prince Ricky: Again! - Soldiers: ♪ Rule Britannia ♪
- ♪ Britannia rules the waves ♪ - Soldier: Watch your step.
(soldier laughs)
♪ Never, never, never shall be slaves ♪
(laughing) Oh!
Hm, if it isn't the great Spanish Jackie.
You know, I should thank you
for making me the man that I am today.
Oh, which makes me think.
Where is my nose, by the by?
I would so love to see the little fellow again.
(tense music playing)
Get the nose jar. Don't spill any!
Roach: Here ya go. (groans)
Prince Ricky: Ah, yes. Disgusting.
Go on. Fetch it for me, please.
(sighs)
♪
You're quite brave to assume the wine hasn't been poisoned.
I've got a contingency for that. A taster.
The Swede (cries): You want me to taste the--
- (flies buzzing) - Stede Bonnet: Zheng? Hello?
A farthing for your thoughts?
- (bell ringing) - Morning time!
Morning time! Morning time! Morning time!
- (screaming) - (explosions)
You could try thanking me, by the way.
I did, uh, pull you to safety.
I pulled you to safety.
Did you? Well, don't wanna split hairs.
The main thing is we're alive.
(sighs) Who cares?
I failed. Auntie and my whole crew are dead because of me.
Look, I've been a failure my whole life.
It's not so bad once ya get used to it.
Things have a, a way of working out.
At least for me.
- Don't touch me, Bonnet. - Yeah, sorry. I tried to be--
It was affectionate, but, uh, it was weird. It was weird.
- Soldier 1: Gems always. - Soldier 2: Not always, I'd prefer--
Someone's coming. Zheng! Get up!
- (soldiers chattering) - Come on!
Oop. What have we here?
Looks like a straggler.
- Stede: Oh! - (grunting)
- (punches landing) - Oh! Oh, no!
- Get off me! Get off me! - Soldier: Ring him.
- Ring his legs. - (punches thudding)
Stede: You'll regret this! (grunts)
Alright, genius. Jig's up.
- Or is it? - Another trophy for Prince Richard.
- Let's take him to Jackie's. - (sword slicing)
- (soldiers yelling) - (Stede yells)
Hoo! (exhales)
Well, that went as well as I planned it.
Yeah, you really showed 'em, Bonnet.
Where you going?
To skin a prince.
Right. Well, let's not underestimate the power of good planning.
Plans are useful.
- (bell ringing) - (distant screaming)
(muffled explosions, screaming)
Stede.
Stede: (yelling) Help!
Oy, these are English waters.
(muffled) No fishing.
Probably lost his hearing
when we blew the shit out the place.
Lousy, old fisherman... (continues indistinctly)
(soldier choking)
- (Blackbeard grunting) - (choking)
(body thuds)
(sighs)
(wind whistling)
(pensive music playing)
If you were ever good at anything,
go and do that...
(loud splash)
...you bum.
Okay, Pop-Pop.
Have it your way.
(singer vocalizing)
(splash)
(intense music playing)
(music swells)
- (footsteps) - (flies buzzing)
(coughing)
Hello, friends.
(pirates grumbling)
This is bittersweet.
I mean, here we all are at the end of piracy,
and you'll all be hung in the next few minutes,
and all your stories will be lost for the ages.
(pirate coughing)
Which is a shame because I do love a good pirates' tale.
But don't you worry.
Because I will not be hanging you by the thumbs
like that deranged Captain Kidd.
Izzy Hands: That's not what he did, you twat.
(pirates murmur)
Oh, my.
The great Izzy Hands.
And you're...
Pinocchio?
(pirates laughing)
A new one.
Bring him upstairs.
Soldier: Sir, aren't we going to hang them?
Oh, yes... but they're not going anywhere,
so I have time for a drink with a legend.
- (indistinct chatter) - Can't believe I have an audience
with the great Israel Hands.
That's absolutely astounding.
I've always thought you were underrated.
I mean, it's absurd, isn't it?
Isn't it? That Blackbeard, he gets all this praise,
when you are quite clearly the brains of this operation?
Ya don't know the first thing about piracy, do ya?
Price Ricky: Don't I?
It's not about glory. It's not about gettin' what you want.
It's about belonging to something
when the world has told you you're nothin'.
It's about finding the family to kill for when yours are long dead.
It's about letting go of ego for something larger.
The crew.
Oh, my goodness. You've just grown so tedious. (laughs)
(grunts) Brandy.
Here.
Nah, gimme the good stuff.
(tense music playing)
Soldier: You'll never believe what I just found.
Listen to this.
"Dear Ed, I long for you."
Stede: "Every day we spend apart feels like an eternity.
"I know you don't wanna hear from me,
"but I write these letters daily,
hoping one will reach you."
-"Hope that's okay." - What's this, then?
Well, I found it in that bottle.
Apparently, some bloke's all hot and bothered...
- (clears throat) - ...about a guy called Ed.
- (soldier yells) - (body thuds)
- Blackbeard: "And I know we're not through." - (choking)
- (neck cracks) -"I can feel it in my soul."
Stede: "A love like ours can't disappear in an instant."
Blackbeard: "We're joined to one another.
Intertwined."
Blackbeard/Stede: "We wrote our names on each other
in permanent ink."
This is lovely.
(pensive music playing)
(music intensifies)
(yells) You wrote me a lovely letter!
Stede: Look, I know you're still upset
about the whole Ricky situation,
but we do need to be smart about this.
You don't need to do anything, Stede.
I can go die all by myself.
You can't do everything on your own. You need help.
Your help is about as good as no help at all.
Oh, I can do things. I'm not a total loss.
- Soldier (yells): Charge! - Ah! Oh, shit! Let's go!
- We're gonna die together! - Shit. Speak for yourself!
(indistinct yelling)
(dramatic classical music playing)
Soldier: To guards! No, not you!
(yelling)
(swords clanging)
(grunting, swords clanging)
(yelling)
(gunshot echoes)
- Stede (yells): Ed! - (grunting)
(yells) Stede!
Ed!
Stede!
Go! (grunts)
- ("I Love My Baby" by Nina Simone playing) - (grunting)
♪ I love ♪
Stede!
♪ My baby ♪
Stede: Ed!
♪ I've loved him since he was born ♪
I'm sorry I was such a dick.
You weren't a dick. Life's a dick.
♪ Now, sweet baby ♪
I love you. I love you.
- I know... I know that. - ♪ Is gone ♪
Zheng Yi Sao (yells): Hey, guys!
(grunting)
- Who's your friend? - Oh. That's Zheng.
- She's super tough. - Zheng (yells): Guys!
Fuck!
Blackbeard: Die, motherfuckers!
Stede: For love!
- (grunting) - (pirates chattering)
- (cloth rips) - Fang: Oh, stop, stop! It's ripping!
- Archie: Oh, shit. - It's not strong enough.
- We need those trousers. - No, thank you!
I love these jeans. Stop.
We need someone to pee on the shirt.
It wo-- It won't tear if it's wet.
Oh, please no. I can't do that in public.
- (coughing) - You alright down there, mate?
Sorry. I just gotta check you over.
(groaning)
Oh, my God. Auntie!
- It's nothing. - No. It doesn't look like nothing. Jim!
- (groans) I don't need help. - Jim!
Look, it's just a surface wound.
- Jim. - Jim: Hey, now what are we lookin' at?
She's lost a lot of blood.
- Okay. - (chuckles) I got plenty of blood.
- Oluwande: Oh! - Ooh.
- (winces) - Yeah. We gotta get that out.
Alright. In three, two, one.
- (Oluwande groans) - Oh, shit, there you are. Sorry.
Auntie: Did they get Zheng?
Jim: I'm sure she's fine.
Blackbeard: Ya know, I've gotta say, all of that swordplay
back there was very impressive.
Thank you. It-It was really cool
when you did that flip
- and you killed those guys. - Oh, you saw the flip!
- Dude. - I did some pretty amazing stuff, too.
I don't know whether you caught a lot of it, but wow!
- I caught it. Yeah. - Yeah?
It was incredible, babe.
The spinning around and stuff.
(Oluwande yells, winces)
Okay. Yeah, your hand's still strong.
- (Auntie exhales) - That's really good.
Look, (sighs) I may have misjudged you, aye?
I was just looking out for Zheng.
I mean... men have cost her too much.
But you're not a man.
You're soft.
She needed more soft in her life and I see that now.
I see that now.
- I just don't do soft. - Jim: Mm-hmm. A little sting.
Oluwande: Maybe just try soft?
- And... - (Oluwande yells, winces)
- Okay! - Shh.
- (Oluwande groans) - Shh-shh.
- I don't do soft. - You don't do soft?!
Prince Ricky: I destroyed the Republic of Pirates,
and that makes me the ultimate pirate.
Izzy (whispers): You're not a pirate, lad.
You're a spoiled, entitled bunch of twats
dressed in puffy, blue nighties.
Shame, I was going to let you live.
Kill me.
Kill us all.
Our spirit will last throughout your entire fuckin' empire
because...
we're good.
And you
are a rancid, syphilitic cunt.
(footsteps approaching)
Avast, you scoundrels!
Ooh, there's a lot of them.
(soldiers choking, groaning)
(Spanish Jackie laughing)
Oh, shit, that's-- Is that us doing that?
(laughing)
What the hell was in that brandy?
Nothin' you wanna fuck with.
The Swede: I ate poison?!
Am I going to die?!
Ah, you best believe everybody is poison-trained
- in this household. - We are?
Yeah, baby.
This is for Auntie.
Auntie: No!
Let me kill him.
- Auntie. - Oh. Hey, guys!
- Thank God you're alive. - Hey!
- Captain. - (thwack)
- (Auntie groans) - Zheng: You're alive!
Auntie: Of course, I'm alive.
You took your time getting here.
W-- I was roped into protecting these guys.
So you had help?
Soft, Auntie.
- Huh? - Soft.
Yep. Good... job.
I... I am... proud of you.
Thank you.
(light music playing)
Stede: So, we shall probably make a plan here.
Blackbeard: Uh, still surrounded by English soldiers.
- I think a royal hostage could prove valuable. - Mm.
Stede: So, that is the plan.
- We all live to fight another day. - (Blackbeard sighs)
Or it's a complete suicide mission.
- Roach: Yeah, that's suicide. - Archie: Sounds like we're gonna die, bro.
Shh! It's only suicide
if we die.
("Roads to Moscow" by Al Stewart playing)
♪ Ahh, ahh, ahh ♪
♪ In the footsteps of Napoleon ♪
♪ The shadow figures stagger through the winter ♪
♪ Falling back before the gates of Moscow ♪
♪ Standing in the wings like an avenger ♪
♪ And far away behind their lines ♪
♪ The partisans are stirring in the forest ♪
♪ Coming unexpectedly upon their outpost ♪
- Go, go, go. - ♪ Growing like a promise ♪
♪ You'll never know, you'll never know ♪
♪ Which way to turn, which way to look ♪
♪ You'll never see us ♪
- Prince Ricky: Hello! - ♪ As we're stealing through the blackness of the night ♪
The operation is over now,
so we're just gonna head back to the ships, please.
♪ And it's cold and damp in the transit camp... ♪
- They are pirates! - (Izzy groans)
(all shouting)
- (stabbing) - (groans)
(grunting, groaning)
♪ And I wonder when I'll be home again ♪
- ♪ And the morning answers never ♪ - (gunshot)
- (Jim grunts) - ♪ And the evening sighs ♪
♪ And the steely, Russian skies go on ♪
♪ Forever ♪
♪
(upbeat, dramatic music playing)
- Izzy, you okay? - I'm fine. Fuck off.
Jim (yells): We're almost there!
- Auntie (yells): Move! Let's go! - Jim (yells): Vamos!
(gunshots)
Go!
- (laughter) - (indistinct yelling)
Move! Go, go, go!
♪
- Help me take him! - (gunshot)
- (yelling) - (gunshot)
Roach: Push, Swede, push!
- (Izzy groaning) - Blackbeard: It's, it's okay, okay? Okay?
- He's alright. - Stede: Easy, easy, easy.
- (groans) - Blackbeard: It's okay. It's okay.
Help. We need help.
(yells) Can someone get some fucking help?!
Stede: I'll take care of it. Roach!
- Let's get bandages. - Roach: Yes, Captain.
Great, Bonnet's in charge. I'm definitely fucked.
It's not even that bad.
Stop! Stop! Stop it! Stop!
Eddie just...
(exhales) sit with me, Eddie.
I'm not goin' anywhere.
(groans) Ed, I'm sorry.
I've been terrible to you.
- No, I'm sorry. - No.
What are you apologizing for?
I should be the one who's apologizing.
I fed your darkness... Blackbeard.
For years, I egged him on, even though I knew you'd outgrown him,
- but the truth is... - Hey.
...I needed him.
- Blackbeard... it was us. - Shh.
- You, me. - Yeah.
- (footsteps approach) - But... you're good now.
You're, you're ready.
- Shh. Stop. - No, just shush.
Izzy, you can't go. You can't leave me.
(softly) I wanna go.
(cries) No, please. You're my only family.
Oh, fuck off, you twat.
Ed, you're surrounded by family.
(softly) They love you, Ed.
(cries) No.
Just be Ed.
There he is.
(crying)
Izzy?
- ("Du gamla" by Hakan Hellstrom playing) - Izz?
♪ That's all right, that's all right ♪
♪ Since my soul got a seat up in the kingdom ♪
♪ That's all right ♪
♪ My, my mother, how you walkin' long ♪
♪ Your feet may slip and your soul may long ♪
♪ Since my soul got a seat up in the kingdom ♪
♪ That's all right ♪
♪ That's all right, that's all right ♪
♪ Since my soul got a seat up in the kingdom ♪
♪ That's all right ♪
♪ Hush little baby, don't you cry ♪
♪ You know your mother been born to die ♪
- ♪ Since my soul got a seat up in the kingdom ♪ - Bye, Izzy.
♪ That's all right ♪
Well, that's that, then.
He was a good one.
Intense. Very intense.
He was a fucking nightmare.
What a guy.
(light music playing)
Sorry for your loss.
I'll just say it.
I think we'd be good together.
Kick a lotta ass.
Uh, maybe give him a moment.
Don't you wanna kill the fucker who did this?
Well, yeah, sure.
I wanna kill that same guy,
so what if we, um,
say... teamed up?
The Pirate Queen, Blackbeard.
And we'll need you too, Bonnet.
You're a damn fine pirate.
Really?
Anything in particular ya like about my skill set?
- Hey, let's not do this. - She's said enough.
Take the compliment with grace.
Yep.
- (bell ringing) - (birds cawing)
Do you vow to protect and, if necessary, kill... for each other?
- Absolutely. - Yes.
Do you vow to avenge the other
in the event of your grisly death or dismemberment?
- Definitely. Yes, yes. - A little bit s-specific, but--
Do you vow to keep each other's ship afloat?
- Black Pete: Yes. Yeah. - Lucius: Yes. Fuck. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Black Pete: Yeah, yeah. Fuck yeah.
You are officially mateys!
(all cheering)
You may now slash each other's faces!
(cheering)
Or kiss or something if you're not into tradition.
- I think a kiss is probably better. - We can kiss.
Roach: Okay. (laughs)
(cheering)
("The Times They Are A-Changin'" Nina Simone playing)
All clear, I-I think.
Fang: Ready to get underway?
Right! Hoist the anchor! Drop the mainsail!
- Black Pete: Love you, babe. - Lucius: Ow, hey!
- (indistinct chatter) - Zheng: Mm. It's upside-down.
Jim: Beware of the new "Revenge," dawgs!
- Frenchie: Raise the jib! - Auntie: Raising the jib!
Spanish Jackie: The sky's the limit, baby.
We're gonna rebuild the bar better than ever.
The Swede: I like the sound of that.
Spanish Jackie: Of course, you do, sugarballs.
♪ Changin' ♪
♪ Come writers and critics ♪
So we're innkeepers then?
I thought we might give it a go.
Unless, of course, you're having second thoughts.
(softly) I'm not... No.
It's a bit of a shithole. I know.
Stede: It's a fixer-upper.
Good bones.
♪
Come on. Let's try and find somethin' to eat.
Maybe there's a feral animal or something
we can cook up for dinner.
Stede: I love that idea.
Place just needs a little elbow grease.
Blackbeard: Jesus, what is that smell?
Stede: (sniffs) Smells of the future, to me.
- Blackbeard: Yeah, love that. - Stede: Me too.
But we should actually find out what's making that smell.
- Blackbeard: Ugh! Fuck, that's strong! - (seagull caws)
Stede: Maybe we just air it out a bit.
♪
♪ The line it is drawn ♪
♪ And the curse... it is cast ♪
♪ And the slow one now ♪
♪ Will later be fast ♪
♪ As the present now ♪
♪ Will later be past ♪
♪ The order is rapidly fadin' ♪
♪ For the times ♪
♪ They are a-changin' ♪
♪ Changin' ♪
♪
- (grunts) Twist! Alright. - (grunts) Come on.
- One more time. One more. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We got it. We got it. Got it!
(both grunting)
That should be enough.
- Yeah. That's good. - Who's gonna go?
- No, you can all fuck right off. - (Archie groans)
What about Frenchie? You think he'll fit?
No way. You do it.
- (sighing) - (Archie groans)
Alright. Well...
Through your pop, sweetheart.
Hey, suck your bum in.
- (Frenchie groans) - Lucius: Think thin.
- (grunting) - You can do it.
- Go, Frenchie! - (shushing)
♪