1 00:00:02,044 --> 00:00:03,212 Hey, there you are. 2 00:00:03,295 --> 00:00:05,255 I miss you. I miss you, too. 3 00:00:05,756 --> 00:00:06,840 Where are you? 4 00:00:06,924 --> 00:00:08,759 I'm in my new city council office. No way. 5 00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:10,802 I know, do you like it? I love it. 6 00:00:10,886 --> 00:00:12,429 I love it, too. Check this out. 7 00:00:12,763 --> 00:00:15,599 Here is my wall of inspirational women. 8 00:00:16,892 --> 00:00:18,727 Is that a picture of you? Yes. 9 00:00:18,810 --> 00:00:22,189 I am big enough to admit that I am often inspired by myself. 10 00:00:22,356 --> 00:00:25,192 Here are my clocks. Pawnee and Washington, DC. 11 00:00:25,275 --> 00:00:26,318 Same time zone. 12 00:00:26,443 --> 00:00:27,763 Oh. This is the coolest part ever. 13 00:00:27,819 --> 00:00:29,655 I have my own private bathroom. 14 00:00:29,738 --> 00:00:31,073 Uh, occupied! Oh, my god. 15 00:00:34,076 --> 00:00:36,745 Councilman jamm. What are you doing in my bathroom? 16 00:00:36,912 --> 00:00:38,932 Jamm: I don't know if I would call it your bathroom. 17 00:00:38,956 --> 00:00:40,749 Its only door is in my office. 18 00:00:40,916 --> 00:00:44,753 I think it is crazy that the mostjunior city councilor 19 00:00:44,836 --> 00:00:48,090 gets a private bathroom just because she is a girl. 20 00:00:48,215 --> 00:00:49,341 Excuse me? 21 00:00:49,424 --> 00:00:50,592 Let's solve this. 22 00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:52,084 Tell you what I'm going to do. 23 00:00:52,135 --> 00:00:53,845 I'm going to drop my liquids in here, 24 00:00:53,929 --> 00:00:55,389 take my solids down the hall. 25 00:00:55,472 --> 00:00:57,432 Dem? No.Nodeal 26 00:00:58,141 --> 00:00:59,893 fine. Your loss. 27 00:01:01,728 --> 00:01:02,854 How? 28 00:01:23,458 --> 00:01:24,835 Fun fact about me. 29 00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:27,796 I recently began intensive psychotherapy. 30 00:01:28,297 --> 00:01:29,897 I may have mentioned that to you already. 31 00:01:30,048 --> 00:01:31,508 Several times. 32 00:01:31,592 --> 00:01:34,720 Well, like my therapist says, "you can't share too much or too often." 33 00:01:34,803 --> 00:01:37,323 You know, Gayle and I, we saw a couples' therapist for a little while. 34 00:01:37,347 --> 00:01:38,348 That's too much, Jerry. 35 00:01:38,432 --> 00:01:39,492 For real. Keep us out your bedroom. 36 00:01:39,516 --> 00:01:42,060 It used to be, when I was down, I called my mother. 37 00:01:42,144 --> 00:01:44,563 When I lacked self-confidence, I called my running coach. 38 00:01:44,646 --> 00:01:46,815 And now, no matter what emotion I'm feeling, 39 00:01:47,274 --> 00:01:50,027 I call one number, my therapist. 40 00:01:50,193 --> 00:01:52,988 I want to do the same thing for the city. 41 00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:54,906 A psychotherapist for the city. 42 00:01:54,990 --> 00:01:55,991 No, Andy. 43 00:01:56,074 --> 00:01:57,367 A311 line. No. 44 00:01:57,451 --> 00:02:01,538 Citizens will call 311 for whatever problem they have. 45 00:02:01,622 --> 00:02:04,207 Uncollected garbage, broken streetlight, 46 00:02:04,291 --> 00:02:06,918 and we will direct them to the proper department. 47 00:02:07,377 --> 00:02:08,795 Chris, great idea. 48 00:02:08,879 --> 00:02:11,048 Thank you, Andy. I agree. I love this idea. 49 00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:13,133 And I love me for thinking of it. 50 00:02:13,258 --> 00:02:14,611 My therapist said that I need to be more 51 00:02:14,635 --> 00:02:16,011 vocalabout appreciating myself. 52 00:02:16,094 --> 00:02:17,471 Thank you, Chris. 53 00:02:17,554 --> 00:02:19,348 You're welcome, Chris. 54 00:02:19,431 --> 00:02:21,016 Isoundinsane. 55 00:02:21,099 --> 00:02:22,539 I'm going to go talk to my therapist. 56 00:02:22,726 --> 00:02:24,311 Welcome to Pawnee today. 57 00:02:24,394 --> 00:02:27,272 I am first-rate newswoman Joan callamezzo. 58 00:02:27,356 --> 00:02:31,860 Pawnee's city council approval rate is at a dismal 3%. 59 00:02:31,943 --> 00:02:34,112 That's an all-time low. Mmm. Yuck. 60 00:02:34,196 --> 00:02:36,782 Leslie, the city council has done very little 61 00:02:36,865 --> 00:02:38,575 over the past few years, 62 00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:40,535 and what they have accomplished, 63 00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:42,579 in my opinion, has been embarrassing. 64 00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:43,705 And that is a fact. 65 00:02:43,914 --> 00:02:46,875 No, that's your opinion. That's the definition of an opinion. 66 00:02:46,958 --> 00:02:49,503 Well, that's your opinion. 67 00:02:49,628 --> 00:02:52,005 The city council has some political gridlock 68 00:02:52,089 --> 00:02:53,149 and some partisan bickering, 69 00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:54,925 but we're actually about to pass a bill, 70 00:02:55,759 --> 00:02:58,011 my bill, the Leslie knope fun in the sun act, 71 00:02:58,095 --> 00:03:01,139 which will extend public pool hours citywide. 72 00:03:02,891 --> 00:03:04,017 Can you say, "big whoop"? 73 00:03:04,101 --> 00:03:07,062 Recently, the captain of the Pawnee porpoises swim team 74 00:03:07,145 --> 00:03:09,773 asked me if we could keep the public pools open longer 75 00:03:09,856 --> 00:03:11,566 so they could log more practice time, 76 00:03:11,650 --> 00:03:13,527 and I said, "absolutely." 77 00:03:13,610 --> 00:03:15,529 Because not only am I a city councilor, 78 00:03:15,612 --> 00:03:18,073 I'm a city councilorwith porpoise. 79 00:03:19,324 --> 00:03:22,411 By passing the bill, and extending pool hours, 80 00:03:22,494 --> 00:03:25,622 we are saying to our citizens that this city council 81 00:03:25,747 --> 00:03:28,083 is determined to better our town. 82 00:03:28,166 --> 00:03:30,210 Okay, Pawnee porpoises youth swim team, 83 00:03:30,293 --> 00:03:31,336 I have a question for you. 84 00:03:31,420 --> 00:03:32,730 What is your greatest accomplishment? 85 00:03:32,754 --> 00:03:35,549 We came in fourth in the county swim meet last year. 86 00:03:35,632 --> 00:03:37,217 Wrong, your greatest accomplishment 87 00:03:37,300 --> 00:03:40,178 is happening in two hours when this bill becomes law. 88 00:03:41,388 --> 00:03:43,032 I just want you to be very proud of yourselves, 89 00:03:43,056 --> 00:03:46,017 because this bill is going to start along romance 90 00:03:46,101 --> 00:03:47,370 between the city and its government. 91 00:03:47,394 --> 00:03:48,687 Porpoise call! 92 00:03:54,776 --> 00:03:55,902 What are you doing? 93 00:03:56,027 --> 00:03:57,630 I'm doing a porpoise call, which we used to do 94 00:03:57,654 --> 00:03:58,798 when I was part of your group, 95 00:03:58,822 --> 00:04:00,675 but it seems like you don't do it anymore and that's fine. 96 00:04:00,699 --> 00:04:02,135 I'm not weird. Okay, everybody leave. 97 00:04:02,159 --> 00:04:03,827 I'll see you at the city council meeting. 98 00:04:04,870 --> 00:04:06,538 Hey, are you busy? 99 00:04:06,621 --> 00:04:08,541 And writing Star Trek fan fiction does not count. 100 00:04:08,582 --> 00:04:09,583 Ha, ha, ha. 101 00:04:09,666 --> 00:04:12,627 I finished it last week. What's going on? 102 00:04:12,753 --> 00:04:14,546 Um, I miss Andy. 103 00:04:14,629 --> 00:04:16,840 And you probably miss your lover, Chris. 104 00:04:16,923 --> 00:04:17,966 Leslie. 105 00:04:18,049 --> 00:04:20,027 I had an idea. It's Friday. Pawnee's only a 10-hour drive. 106 00:04:20,051 --> 00:04:21,094 Road trip? 107 00:04:21,178 --> 00:04:22,262 Oh, I don't know, 108 00:04:22,345 --> 00:04:24,449 I was going to try to get a jump on some work this weekend. 109 00:04:24,473 --> 00:04:25,891 Dude, 30 years from now, 110 00:04:25,974 --> 00:04:27,869 when you're on your deathbed, what are you going to remember? 111 00:04:27,893 --> 00:04:29,102 Organizing files 112 00:04:29,186 --> 00:04:31,563 or taking a spontaneous road trip to surprise leshe? 113 00:04:31,646 --> 00:04:34,065 Yeah, you know what? All right, I'm in. 114 00:04:34,149 --> 00:04:36,109 You know, we might be able to sneak out early. 115 00:04:36,943 --> 00:04:38,653 You get snacks. I'll bring music. 116 00:04:38,737 --> 00:04:40,447 We'll jam out to some sweet tunage. 117 00:04:40,530 --> 00:04:41,716 You know what? This is awesome. 118 00:04:41,740 --> 00:04:43,700 Actually, no. I don't want to go anymore. 119 00:04:43,867 --> 00:04:45,702 Oh. Okay. 120 00:04:45,786 --> 00:04:47,180 Just kidding. See you in 10 minutes. 121 00:04:47,204 --> 00:04:49,247 Okay. Just kidding. We're not going. 122 00:04:50,832 --> 00:04:51,833 Road trip! 123 00:04:51,917 --> 00:04:53,668 So we're going? Yes! 124 00:04:54,211 --> 00:04:56,254 Oh, I'm excited to bond a little with April. 125 00:04:56,338 --> 00:04:58,381 She's like the little sister ineverhad. 126 00:04:58,465 --> 00:05:03,887 Because the little sister I do have is normal and not terrifying. 127 00:05:09,226 --> 00:05:10,393 Andy: 311. 128 00:05:10,477 --> 00:05:12,103 Well, Diane, for potholes, 129 00:05:12,187 --> 00:05:13,688 you want to speak with public works. 130 00:05:14,815 --> 00:05:16,983 I understand you've tried them four times. 131 00:05:17,108 --> 00:05:19,486 Government is inefficient and should be dissolved. 132 00:05:19,569 --> 00:05:20,849 Please hold while I transfer you. 133 00:05:21,363 --> 00:05:22,882 Donna, can you help me? 134 00:05:22,906 --> 00:05:25,617 I got a 311 call, but it was all static. 135 00:05:25,784 --> 00:05:27,244 That sounds like an it. Problem. 136 00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:28,537 Well, how do I get I.T. Here? 137 00:05:28,620 --> 00:05:29,955 Call 311. 138 00:05:31,248 --> 00:05:33,750 311, how can I... 139 00:05:33,917 --> 00:05:35,919 Oh, hello again, Diane. 140 00:05:36,086 --> 00:05:37,712 Nobody answered? 141 00:05:38,255 --> 00:05:41,299 Okay, you know what? Someone will be there shortly. 142 00:05:41,883 --> 00:05:43,802 Andrew, get your lunch, some water, 143 00:05:43,885 --> 00:05:45,345 and a 40-pound bag of asphalt. 144 00:05:45,428 --> 00:05:46,972 Okay, boss. What are we doing? 145 00:05:47,055 --> 00:05:48,575 We're fixing a pothole. Andy: Hey, hey. 146 00:05:51,017 --> 00:05:52,644 Pawnee 311. How can I help... 147 00:05:52,727 --> 00:05:54,062 Man: 911! I have an emergency! 148 00:05:54,145 --> 00:05:56,940 Oh, no. No, this is not 911. No, no. This is 311. 149 00:05:57,023 --> 00:05:59,568 Donna, they switched my phone with 911. 150 00:05:59,651 --> 00:06:00,777 What do I do? 151 00:06:00,861 --> 00:06:03,071 I don't know. Try to help. Now hush. 152 00:06:03,154 --> 00:06:04,781 It is heating up in this piece. 153 00:06:05,282 --> 00:06:06,366 Oh, that sounds awful. 154 00:06:06,741 --> 00:06:08,827 Ben: Good lord, it is hot. 155 00:06:08,910 --> 00:06:10,245 April: Yes, mercy me. 156 00:06:10,412 --> 00:06:12,956 Living in this town's like living in the devil's butt crack. 157 00:06:13,081 --> 00:06:15,000 Ben: I'm almost out ofgas. 158 00:06:15,083 --> 00:06:17,127 I'll wait till we're on the highway. 159 00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:21,339 Now, the GPS says we should take 495 to 270, 160 00:06:21,423 --> 00:06:23,258 but check out this cool alternate route I... 161 00:06:23,341 --> 00:06:25,051 Oh, my god, that is so interesting to me 162 00:06:25,135 --> 00:06:26,887 because I'm a map salesman. 163 00:06:26,970 --> 00:06:28,680 Why aren't we moving? 164 00:06:28,847 --> 00:06:30,473 Because. Other cars. 165 00:06:30,682 --> 00:06:32,934 Will you not do that? Please don't. 166 00:06:33,018 --> 00:06:34,120 That's what you do when you... 167 00:06:34,144 --> 00:06:36,229 Please don't do... oh, great, here comes a guy. 168 00:06:36,313 --> 00:06:37,522 Mmm-hmm. Excuse me. 169 00:06:37,647 --> 00:06:39,482 Why aren't we moving? Exit's closed for a bit. 170 00:06:39,566 --> 00:06:40,775 Presidential motorcade. 171 00:06:40,859 --> 00:06:44,487 I'll just shut off the cartill it opens up. 172 00:06:49,117 --> 00:06:50,952 Holy It's hot. 173 00:06:53,538 --> 00:06:55,206 Jamm: Oh, yeah, yeah. 174 00:06:55,290 --> 00:06:57,000 Beautiful, Tom. Beautiful. 175 00:06:57,083 --> 00:06:58,168 Dynamite gums. 176 00:06:58,251 --> 00:06:59,252 Oh, thanks. 177 00:06:59,336 --> 00:07:01,880 Tom, do you want to know why I moved to Pawnee? 178 00:07:02,005 --> 00:07:03,006 Sure. 179 00:07:03,089 --> 00:07:04,609 It's because the two leading industries here 180 00:07:04,633 --> 00:07:06,927 are corn syrup and rubber nipples. 181 00:07:07,010 --> 00:07:10,430 It is a dentistryjackpot. It's genius, right? 182 00:07:10,513 --> 00:07:12,553 Well, d.D.S. Doesn't stand for "dumb, dumb, stupid." 183 00:07:14,142 --> 00:07:15,518 I like that. 184 00:07:15,602 --> 00:07:17,228 I'm going to steal it. That's mine now. 185 00:07:17,395 --> 00:07:18,605 All right. Cool. 186 00:07:18,688 --> 00:07:20,708 Tom: Councilman jamm and I have gotten pretty tight. 187 00:07:20,732 --> 00:07:22,984 And I'm hoping to parlay this into a membership 188 00:07:23,068 --> 00:07:24,319 at the Pawnee smokehouse, 189 00:07:24,402 --> 00:07:27,489 Pawnee's most exclusive cigar club. 190 00:07:27,572 --> 00:07:30,158 Overstuffed leather chairs, top-shelf brandies. 191 00:07:30,241 --> 00:07:33,203 And that stale tobacco stench that says, 192 00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:35,330 "welcome to the top." 193 00:07:35,413 --> 00:07:38,041 You're a member of the Pawnee smokehouse, right? 194 00:07:38,124 --> 00:07:39,125 Oh, yeah. 195 00:07:39,209 --> 00:07:40,335 Man, I love a good stogie. 196 00:07:40,418 --> 00:07:43,713 I actuallyjust had this personalized cigar cutter made. 197 00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:44,798 Whoa! 198 00:07:45,215 --> 00:07:46,341 Real nice. 199 00:07:46,424 --> 00:07:49,219 Not my initials, but thank you so much. 200 00:07:49,302 --> 00:07:50,637 Oh, well, it's not... 201 00:07:51,012 --> 00:07:52,097 Okay. 202 00:07:52,180 --> 00:07:54,975 Hey, so, we're still all good on Leslie's bill, right? 203 00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:57,519 Actually, Tommy, we need to talk. 204 00:07:58,728 --> 00:08:00,768 Leslie: I have wanted this perm since middle school. 205 00:08:00,814 --> 00:08:02,291 I could not be more excited about this. 206 00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:03,400 Are you excited, Autumn? 207 00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:04,484 Yeah, definitely. 208 00:08:04,567 --> 00:08:07,862 Do you ever give a perm to someone and ever regret it? 209 00:08:09,197 --> 00:08:12,200 Ann has told me repeatedly not to get a perm. 210 00:08:12,409 --> 00:08:13,535 But Ann's not here. 211 00:08:13,702 --> 00:08:17,205 So when the Ann's away, the mice get perms. 212 00:08:19,165 --> 00:08:21,001 Councilman jamm changed his vote. 213 00:08:21,084 --> 00:08:22,364 He's voting no on fun in the sun. 214 00:08:22,419 --> 00:08:24,129 What? Why? He promised me. 215 00:08:24,671 --> 00:08:26,297 He just said that he changed his mind. 216 00:08:26,381 --> 00:08:28,526 Then he told me some veneers could really make my smile pop. 217 00:08:28,550 --> 00:08:29,592 Thoughts? 218 00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:31,237 Oh, my god. The vote is in an hour. 219 00:08:31,261 --> 00:08:33,680 Okay, we need to have an emergency strategy session now. 220 00:08:33,763 --> 00:08:35,765 What about the perm? The perm must wait, Autumn! 221 00:08:36,766 --> 00:08:40,061 The perm must wait. 222 00:08:41,479 --> 00:08:43,815 Wait, so does this mean the bill isn't going to pass? 223 00:08:43,940 --> 00:08:46,818 My parents said that you guys can't get anything done. 224 00:08:46,985 --> 00:08:47,986 No, wait, okay, hold on. 225 00:08:48,069 --> 00:08:49,529 This isn't over by a long shot. 226 00:08:49,612 --> 00:08:51,281 But it's three to two against us. 227 00:08:51,448 --> 00:08:53,551 Yeah, I know how to do math, Mason. Okay, don't be an alarmist. 228 00:08:53,575 --> 00:08:55,410 It's very important that we stay positive. 229 00:08:55,493 --> 00:08:57,829 Our positive attitude is our greatest asset. 230 00:08:57,954 --> 00:08:59,098 Tom, a word, please. Mmm-hmm. 231 00:08:59,122 --> 00:09:01,722 The bill is dead, the porpoises are doomed, and democracy is over. 232 00:09:02,167 --> 00:09:05,003 Oh, my god. I can't believe I decided to get a perm. 233 00:09:05,086 --> 00:09:07,088 Ann should have never let me do this. 234 00:09:07,213 --> 00:09:08,482 Look, jamm saw you on Pawnee today. 235 00:09:08,506 --> 00:09:09,786 He knows how much you want this. 236 00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:11,694 He's just trying to get something in return. 237 00:09:11,718 --> 00:09:12,927 This is a bargaining tool. 238 00:09:13,011 --> 00:09:14,321 You know, this is why people hate the government. 239 00:09:14,345 --> 00:09:16,585 'Cause just when we're about to do something really good, 240 00:09:17,015 --> 00:09:20,518 it all falls apart due to some stupid, selfish jerk butt. 241 00:09:20,602 --> 00:09:22,771 You know, screw jamm. Screw jamm. 242 00:09:22,896 --> 00:09:24,832 I'm just going to try to get councilman Milton's vote. 243 00:09:24,856 --> 00:09:26,691 Milton? He's, like, 150 years old. 244 00:09:26,775 --> 00:09:28,568 Yeah. He's got grandkids, okay? 245 00:09:28,651 --> 00:09:29,986 And kids love to swim. 246 00:09:30,153 --> 00:09:31,237 And he'll give us his vote. 247 00:09:31,321 --> 00:09:33,340 He's an old person, and I'll talk to him really slowly. 248 00:09:33,364 --> 00:09:34,425 He won't even know what he's doing. 249 00:09:34,449 --> 00:09:36,201 I just need to hurry up. How do I look? 250 00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:39,871 I don't know how to answer that. 251 00:09:41,956 --> 00:09:44,000 Hi, I'm Andy. I really like your dress. 252 00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:45,460 I'm a Princess. 253 00:09:45,543 --> 00:09:46,711 I'm a mermaid. 254 00:09:46,878 --> 00:09:50,215 I'm the director of parks and recreation. I'm here to fix that hole. 255 00:09:50,381 --> 00:09:51,633 This is our kingdom. 256 00:09:51,716 --> 00:09:52,967 You have to ask permission. 257 00:09:53,301 --> 00:09:54,803 Excuse me? 258 00:09:54,886 --> 00:09:56,596 Your highnesses, 259 00:09:56,679 --> 00:10:00,141 we do humbly request thine permission 260 00:10:00,225 --> 00:10:02,560 to befix doth holes yonder. 261 00:10:02,644 --> 00:10:04,020 Only if you can tag us. 262 00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:05,105 Come here. 263 00:10:06,898 --> 00:10:08,900 Your tax dollars at work. 264 00:10:10,485 --> 00:10:12,904 April: Soundtrack to Pulp Fiction, 265 00:10:13,113 --> 00:10:16,533 soundtrack to singles, soundtrack to grosse pointe blank. 266 00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:18,618 Why do you have so many soundtracks? Oh, well, 267 00:10:18,701 --> 00:10:21,079 I kind of look at it like it's your favorite directors 268 00:10:21,162 --> 00:10:22,539 making a mix tape just for you. 269 00:10:24,707 --> 00:10:25,875 Oh, here's something. 270 00:10:26,584 --> 00:10:29,462 "Benji's cool times summer jamz mix." 271 00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:31,524 Oh, no, I... you probably don't want to listen to that... 272 00:10:31,548 --> 00:10:32,942 Yes, I want to listen to it. No, listen, it... 273 00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:34,110 I want to listen to it. We don't... 274 00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:35,402 I wanna hear what's on it. We don't need to... 275 00:10:35,426 --> 00:10:36,511 April... 276 00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:45,145 Really? 277 00:10:45,228 --> 00:10:46,354 Don't judge me. 278 00:10:46,646 --> 00:10:48,064 Councilman, I'd like to talk to you 279 00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:49,732 about the fun in the sun bill, 280 00:10:49,816 --> 00:10:52,044 and I don't mean to rush you, but the vote is in an hour. 281 00:10:52,068 --> 00:10:53,695 When I'm done eating, we'll talk. 282 00:10:54,028 --> 00:10:57,198 I've eaten the same lunch for 58 years. 283 00:10:57,282 --> 00:11:00,410 Caesar salad, extra dressing, 284 00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:03,913 extra croutons, and extra anchovies. 285 00:11:04,831 --> 00:11:06,124 Mmm. 286 00:11:06,249 --> 00:11:09,836 Councilman Milton was first elected as a city councilor in 1948, 287 00:11:09,961 --> 00:11:11,838 as a member of the "dixiecrat" party. 288 00:11:12,463 --> 00:11:13,673 Their platform? 289 00:11:13,756 --> 00:11:15,758 De-integrate baseball. 290 00:11:15,967 --> 00:11:18,011 Milton: The secret is in the dressing. 291 00:11:18,094 --> 00:11:20,722 Try it. It's an aphrodisiac. 292 00:11:22,223 --> 00:11:24,934 You too, my strange, foreign friend. 293 00:11:25,101 --> 00:11:27,103 No, thank you. Tom, eat some. 294 00:11:27,312 --> 00:11:29,564 I'm not eating racist salad. 295 00:11:29,731 --> 00:11:31,191 The more we eat, the faster we talk. 296 00:11:36,988 --> 00:11:38,364 Mmm. 297 00:11:38,948 --> 00:11:40,366 You can really taste the ignorance. 298 00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:42,702 It's pronounced "anchovies." 299 00:11:46,164 --> 00:11:47,707 Hi. Diane Lewis. 300 00:11:48,166 --> 00:11:49,334 I own this pothole. 301 00:11:49,417 --> 00:11:51,586 Ron Swanson. I'm here to fix it. 302 00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:54,088 Oh, seaweed choke! 303 00:11:54,923 --> 00:11:57,717 That large boy is my colleague. 304 00:11:57,800 --> 00:11:59,135 We work at the parks department. 305 00:11:59,260 --> 00:12:01,930 Oh! You're not even from the public works department? 306 00:12:02,013 --> 00:12:03,348 Look, it appeared that no one from 307 00:12:03,431 --> 00:12:05,225 the proper channels was gonna fix this, 308 00:12:05,308 --> 00:12:06,976 so I decided to do it myself. 309 00:12:07,101 --> 00:12:08,603 Do you know what you're doing? 310 00:12:08,770 --> 00:12:11,606 Yes, ma'am. Yes, I do. 311 00:12:13,775 --> 00:12:15,485 Councilman, you have grandchildren... 312 00:12:15,568 --> 00:12:17,362 And seven great-grandkids. 313 00:12:17,528 --> 00:12:20,448 Tim, Mary, Jack, 314 00:12:20,698 --> 00:12:24,369 uh, Tim, Marie, Tim, and Mary. 315 00:12:24,452 --> 00:12:25,453 Don't forget about Tim. 316 00:12:25,536 --> 00:12:26,829 Right, Tim. 317 00:12:27,830 --> 00:12:28,873 How many is that? 318 00:12:28,957 --> 00:12:31,376 You know, it's very hard to tell. 319 00:12:32,168 --> 00:12:33,378 This might not work. 320 00:12:33,544 --> 00:12:35,588 Mmm-hmm. Let me find jamm, see if he'll bargain. 321 00:12:35,964 --> 00:12:37,799 What country is he from? 322 00:12:38,132 --> 00:12:39,217 Iceland. 323 00:12:39,509 --> 00:12:41,886 Ben: "Data had never felt this way before. 324 00:12:41,970 --> 00:12:44,472 "Of course, data had never felt anything before. 325 00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:47,016 "But captain picard couldn't help but note 326 00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:48,935 "the smile that crept over his 327 00:12:49,018 --> 00:12:51,229 "mechanical but lifelike face." 328 00:12:51,312 --> 00:12:52,397 I'm gonna murder you. 329 00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:54,440 I understand. Just one second. 330 00:12:54,524 --> 00:12:57,443 "As they walked down the hall into the bridge..." 331 00:13:04,701 --> 00:13:05,702 Lemonade? 332 00:13:05,994 --> 00:13:06,995 Please and thank you. 333 00:13:07,328 --> 00:13:09,247 Hey, I'm sorry if I was curt earlier. 334 00:13:09,831 --> 00:13:12,542 I'm a single mom, and sometimes things get chaotic around here. 335 00:13:12,625 --> 00:13:14,311 When you showed up from the parks department... 336 00:13:14,335 --> 00:13:17,213 No need to apologize. I understand completely. 337 00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:18,423 This is delicious. 338 00:13:18,506 --> 00:13:20,383 Well, I got it from food and stuff, so... 339 00:13:20,466 --> 00:13:21,884 That's where I got these gloves. 340 00:13:21,968 --> 00:13:23,553 Right? 341 00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:26,514 So, how exactly are you gonna fix this hole? 342 00:13:26,597 --> 00:13:28,599 Just for my own edification. 343 00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:32,645 Uh, I dug the loose gravel out of the hole. 344 00:13:32,729 --> 00:13:35,565 Now I'm using a jackhammer to remove the larger pieces, 345 00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:38,651 then I'll spray down the hole to settle the dust 346 00:13:38,735 --> 00:13:41,029 and fill itwith cold patch asphalt. 347 00:13:41,612 --> 00:13:42,989 Well, thank you. 348 00:13:43,072 --> 00:13:44,782 Now I can fix the next one myself. 349 00:13:47,118 --> 00:13:50,038 Ron and Diane sitting in a tree 350 00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:53,499 k—i-s-s-i-s-s-i-p-p-i... 351 00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:55,877 Do you hear that bird? 352 00:13:56,044 --> 00:13:57,670 Jamm! What do you want? 353 00:13:57,754 --> 00:14:00,298 Support of one of your bills? Committee chairmanship? 354 00:14:00,381 --> 00:14:02,425 I want your toilet. What? 355 00:14:02,508 --> 00:14:04,469 Your office, with the private bathroom? 356 00:14:04,552 --> 00:14:05,720 He wants your office. 357 00:14:05,803 --> 00:14:07,805 Yeah, I don't mean to brag, 358 00:14:07,889 --> 00:14:09,474 but I've got irritable bowel syndrome. 359 00:14:09,557 --> 00:14:10,725 This isn't even about policy? 360 00:14:10,808 --> 00:14:12,518 Absolutely not. This is a no-brainer. 361 00:14:12,602 --> 00:14:14,604 Just make the trade, everyone's happy. 362 00:14:14,687 --> 00:14:15,938 I'm not happy. 363 00:14:16,022 --> 00:14:17,565 He shoots down a very helpful bill 364 00:14:17,648 --> 00:14:19,460 'cause he doesn't get to poop wherever he wants? 365 00:14:19,484 --> 00:14:20,943 No, I'm gonna get councilman Milton, 366 00:14:21,027 --> 00:14:23,988 and you can put your butt back in your pants, sir. 367 00:14:24,530 --> 00:14:26,157 Yeah, well, love the hair! 368 00:14:30,912 --> 00:14:32,663 Andy, come help me tamp this down. 369 00:14:32,747 --> 00:14:35,792 For the last time, Ron, it's Princess rainbow sparkle. 370 00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:37,293 Holy Moses. 371 00:14:37,377 --> 00:14:39,253 Can we turn you into a Princess? 372 00:14:40,421 --> 00:14:42,673 I think it would really make Diane happy. 373 00:14:42,757 --> 00:14:44,425 Why would that matter? 374 00:14:45,134 --> 00:14:46,219 Shut up. 375 00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:48,763 Would you please come help me tamp this down? 376 00:14:49,013 --> 00:14:51,099 It's a job that requires two men. 377 00:14:51,182 --> 00:14:54,185 Or does it require two princesses? 378 00:14:54,519 --> 00:14:55,579 Girls: Please? Andy: Please. 379 00:14:55,603 --> 00:14:56,687 Girls: Please? 380 00:14:57,313 --> 00:14:59,315 Milton: This is impressive. 381 00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:02,735 You remind me of a young, beautiful strom thurmond. 382 00:15:03,152 --> 00:15:05,822 Yes, I've been saying that for years. 383 00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:07,949 Councilman Milton, do I have your vote? 384 00:15:08,074 --> 00:15:10,201 Yes, indeed. Oh. 385 00:15:10,284 --> 00:15:12,370 There's a lot of salad dressing on your hand. 386 00:15:12,620 --> 00:15:14,664 Shall we kiss? Huh? No. No! 387 00:15:17,041 --> 00:15:18,835 Oh, my god, are you okay? Please be okay. 388 00:15:18,918 --> 00:15:20,128 Please, still be able to vote. 389 00:15:20,211 --> 00:15:21,379 We can kiss if you want to. 390 00:15:21,462 --> 00:15:22,797 With tongue? 391 00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:24,090 Hey! No. 392 00:15:25,174 --> 00:15:28,428 She tried to kiss me. She was insatiable. 393 00:15:28,511 --> 00:15:30,239 Well, I don't know, maybe we should, you know, 394 00:15:30,263 --> 00:15:33,015 postpone the vote until the councilman gets better, you know? 395 00:15:33,099 --> 00:15:35,476 Uh, yeah, we're not postponing anything, okay? 396 00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:37,603 I'm pushing the vote through and it won't pass. 397 00:15:37,728 --> 00:15:39,272 Complimentary toothbrush? 398 00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:40,833 You're missing the backs of your. Upper canines. 399 00:15:40,857 --> 00:15:42,191 Sloppy technique. 400 00:15:42,316 --> 00:15:45,528 Excuse me? I have excellent toothbrush technique. 401 00:15:45,611 --> 00:15:46,672 Just give him what he wants. 402 00:15:46,696 --> 00:15:47,738 Take the easy way out. 403 00:15:47,822 --> 00:15:49,740 I always do. It's so easy. 404 00:15:49,824 --> 00:15:51,242 I do not negotiate with dentists. 405 00:15:51,576 --> 00:15:53,637 I'm trying to tell everybody that the government is great, 406 00:15:53,661 --> 00:15:54,912 and I think it stinks. 407 00:15:54,996 --> 00:15:56,622 I hate it. I hate the government. 408 00:15:56,747 --> 00:15:58,249 Youdontrneanthat youtethtldont 409 00:15:58,332 --> 00:16:00,960 I take it back. Why did I say that, Tom? God, you know me so well. 410 00:16:01,919 --> 00:16:03,004 More Rouge! 411 00:16:03,087 --> 00:16:04,255 Everything going good? 412 00:16:08,634 --> 00:16:11,637 I came here to fix a pothole, not be mocked. 413 00:16:11,721 --> 00:16:14,056 I'm sorry, it's just... Your face is ridiculous. 414 00:16:16,476 --> 00:16:17,852 Thank you for the lemonade. 415 00:16:17,935 --> 00:16:19,854 The asphalt will bear weight in an hour. 416 00:16:19,937 --> 00:16:20,980 Time to go, Andrew. No! 417 00:16:21,063 --> 00:16:22,857 Wait, butwe were gonna make a sparkle palace! 418 00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:24,358 Ron, youte walking across hot lava! 419 00:16:24,484 --> 00:16:25,860 Oh, no! 420 00:16:29,655 --> 00:16:30,823 Ben: Whoa, it's moving. 421 00:16:31,491 --> 00:16:33,201 It's moving. What? 422 00:16:34,202 --> 00:16:35,912 Yes! Finally. 423 00:16:39,916 --> 00:16:42,210 No. No, no, no, no, no. 424 00:16:42,293 --> 00:16:43,753 What? No! 425 00:16:44,295 --> 00:16:45,463 We're out of gas. 426 00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:53,888 Next order of business, the fun in the sun act, 427 00:16:53,971 --> 00:16:55,598 introduced by councilwoman knope. 428 00:16:59,727 --> 00:17:02,688 Councilman, I move that the bill be read in its entirety. 429 00:17:02,855 --> 00:17:05,358 Ms. Beavers? Fine. 430 00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:09,362 Pawnee municipal code amendment, 217-426... 431 00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:11,531 Buying time, I see. What's up? 432 00:17:11,656 --> 00:17:13,699 You can have my office. 433 00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:16,494 Okay, why don't you sweeten the pot? 434 00:17:16,744 --> 00:17:19,080 You can have my parking space. 435 00:17:19,247 --> 00:17:20,623 And? 436 00:17:20,790 --> 00:17:23,209 And I will get invisaligns from you. 437 00:17:23,292 --> 00:17:24,502 And? 438 00:17:24,627 --> 00:17:27,380 And, that is enough. And shut up. And I hate you. 439 00:17:27,463 --> 00:17:28,589 We got a deal. 440 00:17:28,673 --> 00:17:31,175 Can't wait to drop my kids at the pool. 441 00:17:32,134 --> 00:17:34,095 By "kids," I mean turds. I get it. 442 00:17:34,262 --> 00:17:35,638 Yeah. 443 00:17:35,846 --> 00:17:38,683 Then Ana asks grey to punish her. 444 00:17:38,766 --> 00:17:40,476 Donna, please, can you keep it down? 445 00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:41,602 Or at least research 446 00:17:41,727 --> 00:17:43,980 how to deliver a baby that's coming out face up. 447 00:17:44,063 --> 00:17:45,189 Lay the mother on her side 448 00:17:45,273 --> 00:17:47,153 and try to move the baby in a corkscrew fashion. 449 00:17:47,275 --> 00:17:50,152 Diane is awesome and she likes you. 450 00:17:50,319 --> 00:17:52,071 And you like her. I can tell. 451 00:17:52,154 --> 00:17:54,031 "A," I don't recall inviting you in here, 452 00:17:54,115 --> 00:17:55,324 and "b," I did not like her. 453 00:17:55,449 --> 00:17:56,909 She's not my type. 454 00:17:57,410 --> 00:17:58,911 Her life is messy. 455 00:17:59,662 --> 00:18:01,581 Ron, messy is fun, okay? 456 00:18:01,664 --> 00:18:04,584 My whole life is a giant mess andlloveit 457 00:18:04,667 --> 00:18:07,086 I mean, look at my hair. I have gum in my hair. 458 00:18:07,461 --> 00:18:10,423 Listen, I will not pursue Diane. End of story. 459 00:18:12,258 --> 00:18:13,593 Ben: Please, just steer. 460 00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:15,136 Be stronger. 461 00:18:17,805 --> 00:18:19,348 That was a great road trip. 462 00:18:19,432 --> 00:18:20,808 We made it 40 feet. 463 00:18:21,017 --> 00:18:23,060 Yeah, well, at least it took a million hours, 464 00:18:23,144 --> 00:18:24,478 and it was 180 degrees, 465 00:18:24,562 --> 00:18:26,606 and we starved to death. So fun. 466 00:18:30,109 --> 00:18:32,778 Hey, how about next weekend we fly to Pawnee? 467 00:18:32,862 --> 00:18:35,323 Tickets are on me. Really? 468 00:18:35,823 --> 00:18:37,742 That would be awesome. Definitely. 469 00:18:37,825 --> 00:18:39,952 Nah, never mind. I don't feel like it. 470 00:18:41,203 --> 00:18:42,747 What? Oh, my god. 471 00:18:42,872 --> 00:18:44,206 See how it feels? 472 00:18:45,416 --> 00:18:47,084 Excellent work, everyone! 473 00:18:47,251 --> 00:18:48,836 Particularly you, Ron. 474 00:18:48,919 --> 00:18:52,590 You have one very satisfied citizen. What did you do for her? 475 00:18:52,798 --> 00:18:54,216 I fixed her pothole. 476 00:18:54,383 --> 00:18:55,551 Is that a euphemism? 477 00:18:55,843 --> 00:18:57,762 Then great work. No. 478 00:18:57,845 --> 00:18:58,905 In fact, she's out in the hallway 479 00:18:58,929 --> 00:19:00,431 and wants to thank you herself. 480 00:19:02,558 --> 00:19:04,352 If you're here to complain about the pothole, 481 00:19:04,435 --> 00:19:06,312 I guarantee I did it correctly. 482 00:19:06,395 --> 00:19:08,564 Actually, I'm here to ask you out for dinner. 483 00:19:09,190 --> 00:19:10,274 Really? 484 00:19:10,358 --> 00:19:11,901 Well, I hope you're not the kind of man 485 00:19:11,984 --> 00:19:13,527 who needs to ask the lady out. 486 00:19:13,653 --> 00:19:14,963 I'm a middle school vice-principal. 487 00:19:14,987 --> 00:19:16,989 I don't screw around. Does that freak you out? 488 00:19:18,282 --> 00:19:19,909 No, on the contrary. 489 00:19:20,409 --> 00:19:21,577 So, dinner? 490 00:19:22,244 --> 00:19:23,621 Please and thank you. 491 00:19:23,996 --> 00:19:26,791 Well, it'll be casual. No need to wear makeup. 492 00:19:28,376 --> 00:19:30,086 Ron: I begrudgingly admit 493 00:19:30,586 --> 00:19:34,298 that the 311 program is a moderate success. 494 00:19:34,382 --> 00:19:35,716 I'm still not sure why 495 00:19:35,883 --> 00:19:39,470 the citizen decided to come speak with me in person, 496 00:19:39,553 --> 00:19:44,350 but I'm just happy to see a government program finally work. 497 00:19:46,519 --> 00:19:48,163 Leslie: Okay, so let's get ready for the photo, guys. 498 00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:50,022 I want you to arrange yourselves 499 00:19:50,106 --> 00:19:52,817 from most excited about democracy to least excited. 500 00:19:52,900 --> 00:19:55,569 Wait a minute. Everybody's excited? I bet you are! 501 00:19:55,653 --> 00:19:57,738 Because your bill just became law. 502 00:19:59,865 --> 00:20:01,426 Boy, you know, I can't believe you traded your office 503 00:20:01,450 --> 00:20:02,868 to keep this craphole pool open 504 00:20:02,952 --> 00:20:04,245 for a couple more weeks a year. 505 00:20:04,328 --> 00:20:05,931 Hey, can you not say that in front of the kids, please? 506 00:20:05,955 --> 00:20:07,849 I'm trying to teach them how great government is. 507 00:20:07,873 --> 00:20:09,417 Oh, this is a teaching moment? 508 00:20:09,583 --> 00:20:11,877 Great. Hey, kids? 509 00:20:12,086 --> 00:20:15,339 Would you like to learn how Leslie got your bill passed? 510 00:20:15,423 --> 00:20:17,883 Councilwoman knope traded my vote for her... 511 00:20:21,387 --> 00:20:22,867 What the hell, man? Why'd you do that? 512 00:20:25,349 --> 00:20:28,144 Becauseits fun in the sun! 513 00:20:28,352 --> 00:20:31,021 Everybody in the pool! 514 00:20:31,522 --> 00:20:32,857 Yay, pool! 515 00:20:34,191 --> 00:20:35,735 Yay, democracy! 516 00:20:36,527 --> 00:20:37,862 Oh, no, my perm. 517 00:20:39,572 --> 00:20:41,323 Ta-da. What do you see? 518 00:20:41,407 --> 00:20:43,492 Your new city council office. Yes. 519 00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:46,162 And it is across the courtyard from your office, 520 00:20:46,287 --> 00:20:47,705 so we can wave at each other. 521 00:20:47,788 --> 00:20:50,249 But it is also Pawnee's newest 522 00:20:50,332 --> 00:20:52,752 and most exclusive cigar club, 523 00:20:53,210 --> 00:20:54,628 Tom's smokehouse. 524 00:20:54,712 --> 00:20:56,756 Whoa! Smoke-dawg. 525 00:20:56,922 --> 00:21:00,342 And the Tommy Haverford member's chair. 526 00:21:00,426 --> 00:21:01,927 Now you're talking. 527 00:21:02,011 --> 00:21:04,680 Man, jamm's gotta be pretty mad at us. 528 00:21:04,764 --> 00:21:05,931 I ain't scared of him. 529 00:21:06,015 --> 00:21:07,516 He's a punk. 530 00:21:07,725 --> 00:21:09,185 To making things happen. 531 00:21:09,310 --> 00:21:10,853 I'll puff to that. 532 00:21:17,818 --> 00:21:19,612 I do not like this.