1 00:00:02,085 --> 00:00:03,879 It's so beautiful and sparkly. 2 00:00:03,962 --> 00:00:06,798 I know. And it's a non-conflict diamond. Aw. 3 00:00:06,924 --> 00:00:08,967 When Andy proposed to me, he gave me a ring pop. 4 00:00:09,051 --> 00:00:11,345 But then he ate it first. How did Ben do it? 5 00:00:11,720 --> 00:00:13,347 Let me start from the beginning. Uh-oh. 6 00:00:13,430 --> 00:00:17,309 In 1832, Ben's great -great-great -great grandfather, 7 00:00:17,392 --> 00:00:18,977 teodore Wyatt, a bastard, 8 00:00:19,269 --> 00:00:21,188 met a beautiful seamstress from antwerp. 9 00:00:21,271 --> 00:00:22,457 Ben and I are getting married, 10 00:00:22,481 --> 00:00:23,917 and I've been telling everybody about it. 11 00:00:23,941 --> 00:00:25,793 I'm so happy I want to shout it from the rooftops. 12 00:00:25,817 --> 00:00:28,695 And she has. We've gotten several noise complaints. 13 00:00:28,779 --> 00:00:30,739 We're getting married! All right. 14 00:00:31,448 --> 00:00:32,491 Mmm. 15 00:00:32,574 --> 00:00:35,327 The joy that I am feeling right now 16 00:00:35,410 --> 00:00:39,039 is profound and unmatched in the modern era. 17 00:00:39,289 --> 00:00:41,208 And I can't tell you what it means to me 18 00:00:41,291 --> 00:00:43,451 that I am the very first person that you chose to tell. 19 00:00:43,835 --> 00:00:46,713 Oh. Let me walk around with you 20 00:00:47,214 --> 00:00:48,632 as you tell everyone else, 21 00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:52,052 so that I can share true joy being spread. Please? 22 00:00:54,096 --> 00:00:55,347 Hey, everyone. 23 00:00:55,430 --> 00:00:57,391 We have something very exciting to tell you 24 00:00:57,683 --> 00:00:59,059 that you have never heard before. 25 00:00:59,142 --> 00:01:00,394 Ben and I are engaged. What? 26 00:01:00,477 --> 00:01:03,397 And you're hearing about it for the very first time right now. 27 00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:04,731 (All cheering) Oh, yeah. 28 00:01:04,815 --> 00:01:06,858 Come on, everybody. How about a little excitement? 29 00:01:06,942 --> 00:01:08,235 Leslie and Ben are engaged! 30 00:01:08,318 --> 00:01:09,861 Nothing will ever come between them. 31 00:01:09,945 --> 00:01:11,154 Leslie and Ben... (Chuckles) 32 00:01:11,822 --> 00:01:12,882 (Chuckles) What's going on? 33 00:01:12,906 --> 00:01:13,967 Leslie and Ben are engaged. 34 00:01:13,991 --> 00:01:14,992 (Gasps) 35 00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:17,953 Again? You guys! 36 00:01:18,537 --> 00:01:20,289 Oh, yeah. (Screams) 37 00:01:41,351 --> 00:01:43,604 Okay, t-minus six hours until the engagement party. 38 00:01:43,770 --> 00:01:45,772 Has you-know-who responded yet? 39 00:01:45,856 --> 00:01:48,900 Surprisingly, no. Larry bird has not rsvp'd yet. 40 00:01:48,984 --> 00:01:50,962 Well, he kind of waits until the last minute. That's his style. 41 00:01:50,986 --> 00:01:52,505 Put him down as a "maybe". Are you excited? 42 00:01:52,529 --> 00:01:55,115 Yeah, totally. I just have two small requests. 43 00:01:55,532 --> 00:01:57,492 One, put twizzlers on the candy table. 44 00:01:57,784 --> 00:02:00,704 And, two, cancel the party. 45 00:02:00,787 --> 00:02:02,080 Because you invited my parents, 46 00:02:02,164 --> 00:02:04,082 and they can't be in the same room together. 47 00:02:04,166 --> 00:02:05,626 Okay? Great. Thank you. 48 00:02:05,792 --> 00:02:08,170 "Noll to canceling the party, and "no" to twizzlers. 49 00:02:08,420 --> 00:02:11,381 We are a red vines family. You're going to have to get used to that. 50 00:02:11,757 --> 00:02:13,425 I know you're scared, but I love you. 51 00:02:13,508 --> 00:02:15,052 And this party is going to go great. 52 00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:18,930 Well, if there's anyone who can bring my parents together, 53 00:02:19,681 --> 00:02:20,807 it's no one. 54 00:02:20,932 --> 00:02:23,518 No one can ever bring them together. 55 00:02:23,602 --> 00:02:25,479 My family situation is complicated. 56 00:02:25,562 --> 00:02:30,233 My parents got divorced 30 years ago, and they hate each other. 57 00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:33,487 Okay, I guess, it's not that complicated. 58 00:02:33,779 --> 00:02:37,115 Okay. You guys pretend you're Ron Swanson, 59 00:02:37,199 --> 00:02:38,492 and you're trying to decide 60 00:02:38,575 --> 00:02:40,285 whether you want to invest in this company. 61 00:02:40,410 --> 00:02:43,121 Besupercnfical youteshofl. 62 00:02:43,455 --> 00:02:45,832 And here we go! 63 00:02:45,916 --> 00:02:46,958 (Upbeat music playing) 64 00:02:47,042 --> 00:02:50,837 Tom Haverford and Jean-ralphio saperstein... 65 00:02:50,921 --> 00:02:53,757 Creators of entertainment 720! 66 00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:55,258 Tom: Proudly present... 67 00:02:55,926 --> 00:02:58,011 Both: Rent a swag! 68 00:02:58,095 --> 00:02:59,304 What! 69 00:02:59,388 --> 00:03:02,432 Parents, are you tired of watching your middle-school-aged children 70 00:03:02,516 --> 00:03:04,643 grow out of the nice clothes you buy for them? 71 00:03:04,768 --> 00:03:06,895 Then rent them from rent a swag. 72 00:03:07,354 --> 00:03:10,440 I own it. You rent it. You wear it. 73 00:03:10,732 --> 00:03:13,527 You clean it. You return it. 74 00:03:13,610 --> 00:03:15,696 I get rich. Wink! 75 00:03:15,779 --> 00:03:17,656 Rent a swag. April: Okay, stop, guys, stop. 76 00:03:17,739 --> 00:03:19,425 Jean-ralphio: (Singing) Where swag is my business (shouting) 77 00:03:19,449 --> 00:03:20,701 And the business is my friend 78 00:03:20,784 --> 00:03:24,121 stop. Stop. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop! 79 00:03:24,579 --> 00:03:25,580 (Music stops) Please. 80 00:03:25,664 --> 00:03:26,957 There's actually a lot more. 81 00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:28,709 But tell us your thoughts so far. 82 00:03:28,834 --> 00:03:30,478 It's the greatest thing I've ever seen in my entire life. 83 00:03:30,502 --> 00:03:31,628 Yes. No. 84 00:03:31,795 --> 00:03:33,922 It's terrible. It's terrible, you guys. 85 00:03:34,005 --> 00:03:35,340 I love you, baby. You're so smart. 86 00:03:35,424 --> 00:03:37,300 You're presenting this to Ron Swanson. 87 00:03:37,551 --> 00:03:39,970 Don't talk about any of your old, failed businesses. 88 00:03:40,095 --> 00:03:41,471 Get rid of that stupid light show. 89 00:03:41,555 --> 00:03:43,098 And definitely don't use any weird, 90 00:03:43,181 --> 00:03:44,742 made-up words that Ron doesn't understand. 91 00:03:44,766 --> 00:03:47,185 But the presentation's tomorrow at 8:00 am. 92 00:03:47,269 --> 00:03:48,788 We don't have time to start from scratch. 93 00:03:48,812 --> 00:03:50,439 Well, if you do any of that, 94 00:03:50,522 --> 00:03:51,857 he's not going to invest, so... 95 00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:53,108 Your funeral. 96 00:03:54,860 --> 00:03:57,237 Hey. I'm glad you're here. Let's go over the plan. 97 00:03:57,320 --> 00:04:01,158 Okay. You and I go stargazing in Harvey James park 98 00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:05,328 while my parents slowly strangle each other in the living room. 99 00:04:05,412 --> 00:04:08,123 No. Your mom arrives at 7:00. 100 00:04:08,206 --> 00:04:10,500 We hand her a glass of chilled white wine 101 00:04:10,584 --> 00:04:12,836 and, oh, look, my mom is walking over. 102 00:04:13,003 --> 00:04:14,546 And they're both educators and mothers. 103 00:04:14,629 --> 00:04:15,881 What a fabulous coincidence. 104 00:04:15,964 --> 00:04:18,633 Then, later, Stephen Wyatt shows up. That's your dad. 105 00:04:18,717 --> 00:04:20,260 Yes. He's terrifying. 106 00:04:20,385 --> 00:04:21,678 We make some small talk, 107 00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:25,557 and 30 minutes later I show everybody the big surprise. 108 00:04:26,808 --> 00:04:28,268 The knope-Wyatt unity quilt. 109 00:04:28,351 --> 00:04:30,270 Ben and I are weaving our lives together, 110 00:04:30,353 --> 00:04:31,688 so I have woven this quilt. 111 00:04:32,063 --> 00:04:35,776 It represents every member of our new united family. 112 00:04:35,859 --> 00:04:39,529 Of all of my metaphorical art projects, this is by far the coziest. 113 00:04:40,071 --> 00:04:41,698 This is amazing. 114 00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:43,241 I know. I worked really hard on it. 115 00:04:43,492 --> 00:04:45,994 And, out of respect, I did not include any images 116 00:04:46,077 --> 00:04:47,397 of the only other man in the world 117 00:04:47,454 --> 00:04:49,080 who's as sexy as you, Joe Biden. 118 00:04:49,164 --> 00:04:50,540 Yes, you did, right there. 119 00:04:50,624 --> 00:04:51,984 Oh, well, that's just a little one. 120 00:04:52,042 --> 00:04:55,587 The point is this quilt is going to unite the Wyatt clan. 121 00:04:55,879 --> 00:04:58,215 It's beautiful. And it won't. 122 00:04:59,382 --> 00:05:00,383 (Glass clinking) 123 00:05:00,467 --> 00:05:02,385 Ann: Everyone? Before everyone else gets here, 124 00:05:02,469 --> 00:05:03,929 I'd like to make a little toast. 125 00:05:04,012 --> 00:05:07,557 My romantic life has been a bit of a mixed bag lately. 126 00:05:08,391 --> 00:05:09,643 And when that's the case, 127 00:05:09,726 --> 00:05:12,979 it's hard not to be cynical about love and relationships. 128 00:05:13,188 --> 00:05:16,024 But it's couples like you that give hope to the rest of us. 129 00:05:16,483 --> 00:05:19,110 Leslie, you deserve the best, and you've found it. 130 00:05:19,194 --> 00:05:21,571 Ben, don't you dare hurt her. 131 00:05:21,655 --> 00:05:22,739 (All laughing) 132 00:05:22,823 --> 00:05:23,824 I won't. 133 00:05:23,907 --> 00:05:26,159 Don't laugh. She means it. 134 00:05:26,243 --> 00:05:27,494 (Stutters) I won't. 135 00:05:27,577 --> 00:05:30,163 Seriously, son. Don't hurt her. 136 00:05:30,247 --> 00:05:32,290 Okay. I'm not planning on hurting her. 137 00:05:32,415 --> 00:05:33,875 You better not be. I'm not. 138 00:05:34,042 --> 00:05:36,419 Hey, Ben? You best watch yourself. 139 00:05:36,586 --> 00:05:38,505 Why would any of you think I would hurt Leslie? 140 00:05:38,588 --> 00:05:39,840 You're all my friends, too. 141 00:05:40,090 --> 00:05:41,132 (Mutters) 142 00:05:41,258 --> 00:05:45,053 This was literally the most beautiful, 143 00:05:45,136 --> 00:05:48,306 and moving thing that I have ever heard. 144 00:05:48,390 --> 00:05:49,516 (Sobbing) 145 00:05:50,141 --> 00:05:53,270 There, there, baby boy. Take all the time you need. 146 00:05:55,397 --> 00:05:57,899 Well, sure, in a wrestling match, kirk would win. 147 00:05:57,983 --> 00:05:59,568 But, overall, who would you rather have 148 00:05:59,651 --> 00:06:01,945 at the helm of your sovereign-class starship? 149 00:06:02,153 --> 00:06:03,905 Jean-Luc picard. No contest. 150 00:06:03,989 --> 00:06:05,269 Hey, your mom's here. I need you. 151 00:06:05,323 --> 00:06:07,242 Thank god. There's my boy. 152 00:06:07,325 --> 00:06:09,786 Hey, mom. Nice to see you. 153 00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:12,080 This is Leslie knope, my fiancee. 154 00:06:12,163 --> 00:06:14,708 Hi. It's really nice to finally meet you, Ms. Wyatt. 155 00:06:14,791 --> 00:06:17,210 Oh, please call me Julia. Is your father here yet? 156 00:06:17,919 --> 00:06:19,379 No fighting tonight, mom. 157 00:06:19,504 --> 00:06:22,048 Don't worry. I'm going to be civil as long as he is. 158 00:06:22,549 --> 00:06:24,759 Frankly, after what he did at Geoffrey's graduation... 159 00:06:24,843 --> 00:06:26,883 Oh, I have some white wine for you, some chardonnay. 160 00:06:26,928 --> 00:06:27,971 Oh! Thank you. 161 00:06:28,054 --> 00:06:29,347 You're welcome. Right this way. 162 00:06:29,431 --> 00:06:30,557 (Chuckles) 163 00:06:33,602 --> 00:06:35,604 Hey, you guys. Come on in. (Sniffles) 164 00:06:38,982 --> 00:06:40,609 Ann. 165 00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:44,905 Hey. You all right, man? 166 00:06:44,988 --> 00:06:48,700 The toast that you gave to Ben and Leslie was so beautiful. 167 00:06:49,159 --> 00:06:52,245 And I'm feeling very raw from my therapy. 168 00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:56,708 I'm so happy and so sad. (Sobbing) 169 00:06:56,791 --> 00:06:59,920 It's like a perfect storm of emotions. 170 00:07:00,295 --> 00:07:05,258 And, so, I'm hiding out here, so I don't ruin this party 171 00:07:05,592 --> 00:07:08,345 for my two amazing best friends 172 00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:09,763 who I love so much. 173 00:07:10,889 --> 00:07:11,890 Oh! (Groans) 174 00:07:11,973 --> 00:07:15,268 There's no more tissue. Everything ends. 175 00:07:15,352 --> 00:07:17,187 No, no, no. No, there's more tissue. 176 00:07:17,270 --> 00:07:20,315 Everything goes away. 177 00:07:21,608 --> 00:07:23,234 And I said, "rules or no rules, 178 00:07:23,318 --> 00:07:25,612 "I just have to kiss that beautiful face." 179 00:07:25,820 --> 00:07:27,089 Oh, well, that's a knope woman for you. 180 00:07:27,113 --> 00:07:29,032 When we see something adorable, we attack it. 181 00:07:29,532 --> 00:07:33,787 He is adorable, isn't he? You chose well, Ben. 182 00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:35,246 Thank you. (Giggles) 183 00:07:36,039 --> 00:07:37,165 So far so good. 184 00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:40,126 I'll admit it. Things are going surprisingly well. 185 00:07:40,210 --> 00:07:42,045 And pack it up. It's over. We're screwed. 186 00:07:42,128 --> 00:07:43,168 He brought his girlfriend? 187 00:07:43,213 --> 00:07:45,024 He wasn't supposed to bring his girlfriend, Ben. 188 00:07:45,048 --> 00:07:48,301 Oh! Ben. Your father brought his little plaything. 189 00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:50,345 Hi, Benny. Hey, dad. 190 00:07:50,428 --> 00:07:51,930 Hi. Hi. (Chuckles) 191 00:07:52,681 --> 00:07:53,807 (Grunts) 192 00:07:53,890 --> 00:07:56,601 Hi, ulani. Lthought you weren't coming. 193 00:07:56,685 --> 00:08:00,146 Ulani is my girlfriend, and she's important to me. 194 00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:01,773 And I need her here. 195 00:08:01,856 --> 00:08:04,192 Ulani, hi, I'm Leslie. What a wonderful surprise. 196 00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:05,694 We're so happy that you're here. 197 00:08:05,777 --> 00:08:08,029 What the hell, Steve? They didn't know I was coming? 198 00:08:08,154 --> 00:08:10,156 We didn't know it was spring break. (Chuckles) 199 00:08:10,699 --> 00:08:12,367 Okay. Thanks, everybody, for coming. 200 00:08:12,534 --> 00:08:13,970 I'm so sorry you all have to go home. 201 00:08:13,994 --> 00:08:15,161 Hey. Red vines, anyone? 202 00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:18,581 We're a twizzlers family. 203 00:08:21,251 --> 00:08:22,627 Okay, we are off to a rocky start, 204 00:08:22,711 --> 00:08:23,871 but we are going to fix this. 205 00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:27,924 Yes, we will. I called a cab. It's outside. 206 00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:30,176 I gave the driver $100 to sit and wait. 207 00:08:30,260 --> 00:08:32,178 So, whenever we're ready to go, 208 00:08:32,262 --> 00:08:35,682 like, maybe, right now, all we have to do is walk outside. 209 00:08:35,765 --> 00:08:38,768 No. I want to be here now with you and your parents. 210 00:08:38,852 --> 00:08:39,853 Help me make this work. 211 00:08:39,936 --> 00:08:41,396 Okay, fine. The best thing to do 212 00:08:41,479 --> 00:08:43,982 is distract them with innocuous talk 213 00:08:44,065 --> 00:08:45,334 about the stuff they care about. 214 00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:46,359 Great. Like what? 215 00:08:46,443 --> 00:08:48,445 Well, they're white people from Minnesota. 216 00:08:48,528 --> 00:08:50,321 So, hockey, fishing, skiing, sailing. 217 00:08:50,405 --> 00:08:52,282 And after a few drinks put on a prince album. 218 00:08:52,365 --> 00:08:54,909 Don't mention the green bay packers or the state of Iowa. 219 00:08:54,993 --> 00:08:57,037 And, also, I have enough frequent flyer miles 220 00:08:57,120 --> 00:08:58,747 to get us to Australia tonight. 221 00:08:58,913 --> 00:09:00,498 Everything okay? Yes, slight speed bump. 222 00:09:00,582 --> 00:09:01,750 Everything is terrible. 223 00:09:01,833 --> 00:09:04,878 But I am going to fix it with my secret weapon. 224 00:09:04,961 --> 00:09:06,546 Okay. Well, I will make sure that 225 00:09:06,629 --> 00:09:08,173 everything else runs smoothly. 226 00:09:08,256 --> 00:09:09,358 Ann, you are such a good friend. 227 00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:13,094 You are a beautiful, talented, brilliant, powerful musk ox. 228 00:09:13,261 --> 00:09:15,555 Thank you, ox, for keeping this ship afloat. 229 00:09:15,722 --> 00:09:17,015 You got it. 230 00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:19,350 Guys, I need your help, okay? 231 00:09:19,476 --> 00:09:21,728 Chris is in the back room, and he's crying. 232 00:09:21,811 --> 00:09:23,897 Go in there. Calm him down. Make him feel better. 233 00:09:23,980 --> 00:09:26,232 Leslie and Ben have enough to deal with, okay? Thank you. 234 00:09:26,316 --> 00:09:27,692 Wait, why is Chris crying? 235 00:09:28,109 --> 00:09:29,402 Uh, he's emotional. 236 00:09:29,486 --> 00:09:31,279 Wait, why is Chris emotional? 237 00:09:31,488 --> 00:09:33,031 Because he's in therapy right now, 238 00:09:33,114 --> 00:09:34,759 and it's dredging up a lot of stuff for him. 239 00:09:34,783 --> 00:09:36,451 Wait, wait. Like, what kind of stuff? 240 00:09:36,534 --> 00:09:38,536 Like, I don't know. His friends are getting married 241 00:09:38,620 --> 00:09:39,996 and he's not dating anyone. 242 00:09:40,288 --> 00:09:41,748 Why isn't he dating anyone? 243 00:09:41,831 --> 00:09:42,975 Yeah, why don't you date him? 244 00:09:42,999 --> 00:09:46,002 Because I'm dating myself right now. Okay? 245 00:09:46,127 --> 00:09:48,755 I'm trying to figure out how to make me happy. 246 00:09:48,963 --> 00:09:51,549 Ugh. Why is it always about you, Ann? Self-centered much? 247 00:09:51,716 --> 00:09:54,010 Just go. Okay? Thank you. 248 00:09:55,762 --> 00:09:57,347 Ron in 60 seconds. 249 00:09:57,514 --> 00:09:59,349 Tom. I haven't seen you tonight. 250 00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:01,810 I've been working on my presentation. 251 00:10:01,893 --> 00:10:04,479 I just came by to congratulate Leslie and then I'm heading back. 252 00:10:04,938 --> 00:10:06,356 I admire the work ethic. 253 00:10:06,523 --> 00:10:08,483 I'm always looking for new investments. 254 00:10:08,566 --> 00:10:11,069 Ever since I got my firstjob at the age of nine, 255 00:10:11,152 --> 00:10:13,279 I have put all my money into gold, 256 00:10:13,363 --> 00:10:15,323 which is currently at an all-time high. 257 00:10:15,448 --> 00:10:19,327 So, I have a certain amount of money. 258 00:10:20,870 --> 00:10:22,622 I've said too much. 259 00:10:23,373 --> 00:10:25,041 Looking forward to tomorrow. 260 00:10:25,708 --> 00:10:27,585 Yes, about that. I was wondering. 261 00:10:27,669 --> 00:10:30,004 Is there any chance we could reschedule? 262 00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:33,007 I just want to make sure everything's up to my world-class standees. 263 00:10:33,383 --> 00:10:35,718 I like to keep my appointments, son, 264 00:10:35,802 --> 00:10:37,303 and I like others to do the same. 265 00:10:37,679 --> 00:10:40,431 Of course, yes. No problem, 8:00 am tomorrow. 266 00:10:40,515 --> 00:10:44,185 I think you're going to be very impressed with our presentation. 267 00:10:44,352 --> 00:10:47,355 "Our" presentation. Who else is joining you? 268 00:10:47,522 --> 00:10:48,833 (Singing) Ricka, ricka, ricka, ricka 269 00:10:48,857 --> 00:10:51,359 ha, ha, ha, ha, ha 270 00:10:51,693 --> 00:10:52,694 (whispers) Swanson 271 00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:54,505 Ron: Jean-ralphio. Jean-ralphio: That's me. 272 00:10:54,529 --> 00:10:56,531 I didn't realize you were a part of this. 273 00:10:56,698 --> 00:10:58,338 Of course he is. He's my business partner. 274 00:10:58,366 --> 00:11:00,243 (Gasps) (Both vocalizing) 275 00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:01,536 Both: Cling! 276 00:11:01,619 --> 00:11:06,416 Business partner now and forever. Hold up. Forever 21. 277 00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:08,793 Twenty-one gun salute. Salute your shorts. 278 00:11:08,877 --> 00:11:11,796 Kaboosh! I just free-associated all over the moustache. 279 00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:13,565 That's just one of many skills he brings 280 00:11:13,590 --> 00:11:14,757 to this business partnership. 281 00:11:14,924 --> 00:11:16,551 What are those, shrimp? (Groans) 282 00:11:17,302 --> 00:11:19,596 Okay. Rethink that move, son. 283 00:11:20,221 --> 00:11:22,223 Let's just drive back, I feel weird. 284 00:11:22,348 --> 00:11:24,225 Steve, you like sailing, right? 285 00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:27,103 Not anymore, since Julia got the boat in the divorce, 286 00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:30,273 and then sold it to a scrap yard because she's terrible. 287 00:11:30,398 --> 00:11:31,858 Well, at least you don't have to deal 288 00:11:31,941 --> 00:11:33,860 with all that boat upkeep now, right? Huh? 289 00:11:34,027 --> 00:11:35,778 Yuck. No thankee. 290 00:11:36,070 --> 00:11:37,715 Let's talk about something other than sailing. 291 00:11:37,739 --> 00:11:40,009 Why don't you head in the other room? I have a surprise that... 292 00:11:40,033 --> 00:11:41,075 There she goes. 293 00:11:41,159 --> 00:11:43,578 There's a surprise for you. So, um, head on in. 294 00:11:43,995 --> 00:11:45,038 I don't like surprises. 295 00:11:45,121 --> 00:11:46,831 Okay, look. You gave it a try, 296 00:11:46,915 --> 00:11:49,459 but this quilt thing is not going to work. 297 00:11:49,584 --> 00:11:51,169 Ben, on three separate occasions, 298 00:11:51,252 --> 00:11:53,254 I have used a quilt to mend fences. 299 00:11:53,421 --> 00:11:56,549 In ninth grade, a quilt ended an argument between my two best friends. 300 00:11:56,674 --> 00:12:01,012 And a quilt settled the Donna-Jerry parking lot feud of 2006. 301 00:12:01,429 --> 00:12:02,555 What was the third time? 302 00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:03,806 Right (bleeps) Now. 303 00:12:03,932 --> 00:12:05,767 Okay. I still don't think it's going to work, 304 00:12:05,850 --> 00:12:07,852 but I am really attracted to you right now. 305 00:12:08,519 --> 00:12:10,772 I know. Let's do this. 306 00:12:11,147 --> 00:12:12,148 (Banging on door) 307 00:12:12,273 --> 00:12:14,554 Police, open up, we have a warrant! Just kidding, it's us. 308 00:12:14,776 --> 00:12:16,819 Ha! We got you. Hey, Andy and April. 309 00:12:16,903 --> 00:12:18,446 We have someone who wants to see you. 310 00:12:18,529 --> 00:12:21,532 Champion! Come here. Hey, boy! 311 00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:25,286 You are such a brave, good dog with so much spirit. 312 00:12:25,370 --> 00:12:26,871 You have overcome so much. 313 00:12:26,955 --> 00:12:30,500 You are the most wonderful dog in the whole world. 314 00:12:31,042 --> 00:12:32,794 And I am so happy for you. 315 00:12:33,211 --> 00:12:34,379 (Laughs) 316 00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:36,965 Leslie: Okay, everyone. I have a surprise for all of you. 317 00:12:37,340 --> 00:12:38,549 Voila! 318 00:12:38,716 --> 00:12:39,717 (Gasps) 319 00:12:39,801 --> 00:12:42,512 Leslie: The knope-Wyatt unity quilt. 320 00:12:42,595 --> 00:12:45,348 It represents our two families coming together. 321 00:12:45,431 --> 00:12:47,642 And there is a personalized square for each member 322 00:12:47,725 --> 00:12:49,060 of ourjoined family. See? 323 00:12:49,143 --> 00:12:51,229 Sweetheart, this is lovely. 324 00:12:51,312 --> 00:12:52,355 Thanks, mom. 325 00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:53,731 Where's my square? 326 00:12:54,565 --> 00:12:56,234 Well, you're not technically... 327 00:12:56,359 --> 00:12:57,402 Not technically what? 328 00:12:57,610 --> 00:12:58,861 Not technically an adult. 329 00:12:59,028 --> 00:13:01,656 This is a very thoughtless omission, Leslie. 330 00:13:01,823 --> 00:13:04,701 And as far as I'm concerned, if there's no ulani square 331 00:13:04,784 --> 00:13:06,869 this is not a legitimate unity quilt. 332 00:13:07,495 --> 00:13:08,663 Oh! That old Chestnut. 333 00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:12,125 Okay. I will make an ulani square. 334 00:13:12,250 --> 00:13:16,379 Very, very easy, okay. Look. This is your square now. 335 00:13:16,587 --> 00:13:19,090 Vvhatdoes '1hanpwnean? "Cheefiuk' 336 00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:23,469 sure. All right. Look at that. 337 00:13:23,845 --> 00:13:26,556 Unity. It's that simple. All we had to do... 338 00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:28,016 I don't want her name on my quilt. 339 00:13:28,099 --> 00:13:29,434 It's not your... 340 00:13:29,726 --> 00:13:31,811 It's everyone's quilt. It's a unity quilt. 341 00:13:32,061 --> 00:13:34,141 I think it's mean that you didn't do a square for me. 342 00:13:34,188 --> 00:13:35,690 It's a disaster, is what it is. 343 00:13:35,773 --> 00:13:37,275 You can say that again, Steve. 344 00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:40,069 See, Ben? They're agreeing. It's working. 345 00:13:40,611 --> 00:13:44,282 Okay. I'm thinking we junk everything except the mannequins. 346 00:13:44,449 --> 00:13:46,951 Ron's got to see how dope the outfits are. That's the business. 347 00:13:47,118 --> 00:13:49,871 Why are we going to Ron? Ron should be coming to us. 348 00:13:49,954 --> 00:13:51,664 We created entertainment 720. 349 00:13:51,873 --> 00:13:53,541 Itwas a huge failure. I don't know. 350 00:13:53,624 --> 00:13:55,626 Look. A bank's not going to give us a loan, 351 00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:59,047 and Ron loves my entrepreneurial spirit. 352 00:13:59,130 --> 00:14:01,317 Trust me. He's our best chance of getting startup money. 353 00:14:01,341 --> 00:14:03,134 I hear that. Let's go clubbing. 354 00:14:03,301 --> 00:14:04,427 No, we've got to work. 355 00:14:04,635 --> 00:14:06,739 Didn't you hear me say we had tojunk most of the presentation? 356 00:14:06,763 --> 00:14:09,724 Tommy. I will always be there for you, no matter what. 357 00:14:09,807 --> 00:14:13,311 But right now, I cannot be there for you because I have to go. 358 00:14:13,603 --> 00:14:19,317 I hate to say this, but sometimes you've got to work a little, 359 00:14:19,984 --> 00:14:21,944 so you can ball a lot. 360 00:14:22,445 --> 00:14:25,615 That was beautiful. That changed me. 361 00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:26,949 I'll give you 10 minutes. 362 00:14:29,118 --> 00:14:31,245 You have to try to eat something. Okay? 363 00:14:36,667 --> 00:14:37,877 Wow. That's amazing. 364 00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:39,045 See? There you go. 365 00:14:40,922 --> 00:14:42,465 This one's not as good. 366 00:14:42,548 --> 00:14:44,068 Andy: All right, Chris, here's the plan. 367 00:14:44,092 --> 00:14:47,345 I'm just going to list off happy things until you're cheered up. 368 00:14:47,929 --> 00:14:50,723 Pizza, the beach, rock and roll music. 369 00:14:50,848 --> 00:14:53,309 And I'll list terrible things to bring you back down. 370 00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:55,937 Smallpox, botched surgery, 371 00:14:56,270 --> 00:14:57,980 snails crawling out of your mouth. 372 00:14:58,064 --> 00:15:00,650 This is weirdly working. It's evening me out. 373 00:15:00,775 --> 00:15:01,943 Okay, keep going. Keep going. 374 00:15:02,026 --> 00:15:03,903 Laughter. Snails crawling out of your mouth. 375 00:15:03,986 --> 00:15:05,822 The beach. Snails crawling out of your mouth. 376 00:15:06,030 --> 00:15:08,175 Andy: Cute cats. April: Snails crawling out of your butt. 377 00:15:08,199 --> 00:15:09,534 Dave Matthews Band. 378 00:15:09,784 --> 00:15:11,119 Dave Matthews Band. 379 00:15:11,452 --> 00:15:14,038 Look, dad, Leslie worked really hard on this. 380 00:15:14,163 --> 00:15:16,791 So, can you just cool it for, like, 30 seconds? 381 00:15:16,874 --> 00:15:18,376 Sure. I can. 382 00:15:18,751 --> 00:15:22,505 But your mother can't. See? She's ruining your quilt, 383 00:15:22,630 --> 00:15:24,590 just like she ruined our marriage. 384 00:15:24,841 --> 00:15:26,092 Mom. 385 00:15:26,175 --> 00:15:27,569 Oh, I didn't know we could cut that. 386 00:15:27,593 --> 00:15:28,636 It had to be done, Ben. 387 00:15:28,719 --> 00:15:30,847 It absolutely did not have to be done. 388 00:15:31,055 --> 00:15:32,974 Look, champagne! 389 00:15:33,224 --> 00:15:35,985 Yeah. Why don't we just forget about the quilt and just raise a glass? 390 00:15:36,185 --> 00:15:39,647 Yes. Toasts are fun. They usually signify the end of a party. 391 00:15:39,772 --> 00:15:41,482 Here you are, ulani. I'm good, thanks. 392 00:15:41,566 --> 00:15:43,526 By all means, go ahead and take it, ulani. 393 00:15:43,651 --> 00:15:45,486 Wait. Are you even old enough to drink? 394 00:15:45,653 --> 00:15:47,196 Yes, Julia, I am. 395 00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:49,157 But I can't because I'm pregnant. 396 00:15:50,658 --> 00:15:51,742 You're what? 397 00:15:51,826 --> 00:15:52,910 (Moans) Oh, boy. 398 00:15:52,994 --> 00:15:54,471 I didn't mean to steal your spotlight, 399 00:15:54,495 --> 00:15:55,655 but the cat's out of the bag. 400 00:15:56,122 --> 00:15:59,750 Young Ben is going to have a new baby sister. 401 00:16:00,209 --> 00:16:02,670 Huh... still firing bullets, son. (Laughs) 402 00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:04,839 Icannotbe in the same room as him. 403 00:16:05,006 --> 00:16:06,215 Well, what about the wedding? 404 00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:07,842 I'm talking about the wedding. 405 00:16:09,260 --> 00:16:11,637 Ladies and gentlemen, the Wyatt family. 406 00:16:15,183 --> 00:16:17,810 It's like the war of the wyatts out there, huh? 407 00:16:17,894 --> 00:16:19,270 I mean, it's so brutal. 408 00:16:19,353 --> 00:16:20,605 Oh, my god. 409 00:16:20,688 --> 00:16:22,440 Were you and dad ever like that? 410 00:16:22,565 --> 00:16:24,275 Well, like any married couple, honey, 411 00:16:24,358 --> 00:16:26,194 your father and I fought occasionally. 412 00:16:26,277 --> 00:16:29,947 Sometimes, he won the argument, and sometimes I won. 413 00:16:30,072 --> 00:16:32,658 But usually, we forgot what we were arguing about 414 00:16:32,742 --> 00:16:33,743 and just had sex. 415 00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:36,078 (Scatting) Anyway, the important thing is that 416 00:16:36,162 --> 00:16:38,372 we always ended up on the same team. 417 00:16:39,540 --> 00:16:41,209 And in the same bed. 418 00:16:41,292 --> 00:16:42,335 Ugh. 419 00:16:42,460 --> 00:16:44,128 God, I miss that man. 420 00:16:44,212 --> 00:16:47,006 How can you be so wise and so inappropriate at the same time? 421 00:16:47,715 --> 00:16:49,133 I'm a parent. 422 00:16:50,968 --> 00:16:53,071 (Sighs) I can't figure out how to phrase this mission statement. 423 00:16:53,095 --> 00:16:55,574 Let me get a shot at it. I'm actually pretty good at this stuff. 424 00:16:55,598 --> 00:16:56,599 (Whistles) 425 00:16:57,934 --> 00:16:58,935 See? 426 00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:01,062 You just googled "Amanda bynes' side boob." 427 00:17:01,145 --> 00:17:02,271 What's wrong with you? 428 00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:04,208 What's wrong with you? Why is your safe-search on? 429 00:17:04,232 --> 00:17:06,859 That is amateur hour, Tom. Listen. 430 00:17:07,193 --> 00:17:09,695 We've been at this for an entire evening. 431 00:17:09,779 --> 00:17:11,572 I say, why don't we cut our losses? 432 00:17:11,906 --> 00:17:15,201 If it was such a good idea, we would be millionaires by now. Hello. 433 00:17:15,326 --> 00:17:18,079 Look, man. I believe in this idea. Do you? 434 00:17:19,664 --> 00:17:21,457 You know I love you, 435 00:17:21,582 --> 00:17:23,810 but I don't think you're as serious about this business as I am. 436 00:17:23,834 --> 00:17:25,753 Oh, yeah, no, I'm definitely not. 437 00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:31,384 (Clears throat) 438 00:17:40,017 --> 00:17:41,537 Hey. I got your text. What are you doing? 439 00:17:41,561 --> 00:17:43,601 I grabbed all of the brownies from the dessert table 440 00:17:43,646 --> 00:17:45,082 and four bottles of wine. Get in the car. 441 00:17:45,106 --> 00:17:46,399 We're going to Australia. Leslie. 442 00:17:46,524 --> 00:17:47,942 I am so sorry for everything. 443 00:17:48,025 --> 00:17:51,195 I love you and I want to be on your team. I am on your team. 444 00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:53,465 But I think that our team should be far away from here. 445 00:17:53,489 --> 00:17:55,491 Normally, I would get in the cab with you. 446 00:17:55,616 --> 00:17:58,828 But I am so sick of them ruining everything. 447 00:17:58,911 --> 00:18:00,830 And I really liked that unity quilt. 448 00:18:00,955 --> 00:18:02,123 It was a good quilt. 449 00:18:02,206 --> 00:18:03,624 It was an awesome quilt. 450 00:18:04,208 --> 00:18:05,960 Look. My parents are insane, 451 00:18:06,043 --> 00:18:07,712 but they need to be at our wedding. 452 00:18:08,713 --> 00:18:11,048 You know what? It's time for this team 453 00:18:11,173 --> 00:18:13,050 tocomeup with a new plan. I agree. 454 00:18:13,259 --> 00:18:15,571 Phase one of our new plan. You get in the backseat of this cab 455 00:18:15,595 --> 00:18:17,346 and we hardcore make out for 15 minutes. 456 00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:18,514 I would love to do that. 457 00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:20,617 I'm just not sure if the driver would be okay with it. 458 00:18:20,641 --> 00:18:23,227 For another $100, you can do whatever you want. 459 00:18:23,644 --> 00:18:25,021 Let's do this. 460 00:18:27,023 --> 00:18:30,234 Swanson. What's up, my man? 461 00:18:30,318 --> 00:18:31,569 (Groans) Are you kidding me? 462 00:18:31,652 --> 00:18:33,613 Jean-ralphio. I thought you and Tom 463 00:18:33,696 --> 00:18:35,016 were working on your presentation. 464 00:18:35,156 --> 00:18:37,950 No, I decided it was best if I took my talents elsewhere. 465 00:18:38,034 --> 00:18:40,012 Do you know what I mean? You abandoned your friend? 466 00:18:40,036 --> 00:18:42,121 God, no. He fired me. Straight up. 467 00:18:42,204 --> 00:18:45,124 Talked about how I wasn't serious enough about the project. 468 00:18:45,207 --> 00:18:46,542 How he needed to grow up. 469 00:18:46,626 --> 00:18:49,086 Anyway, I have an amazing investment idea for you. 470 00:18:49,211 --> 00:18:51,672 Pass. Condoms with pictures on them. 471 00:18:51,797 --> 00:18:53,150 Good. Smart. I think you made the right decision. 472 00:18:53,174 --> 00:18:54,175 Take care. 473 00:18:57,178 --> 00:18:58,512 Ann: Chris? 474 00:18:58,888 --> 00:19:00,431 Seems like the storm has passed. 475 00:19:00,514 --> 00:19:01,641 Chris: Indeed, it has. 476 00:19:01,766 --> 00:19:05,728 I can't believe that I spent the entire party in a room being happy-sad 477 00:19:05,936 --> 00:19:08,016 on a night that means so much to my two best friends. 478 00:19:08,064 --> 00:19:09,424 I mean, you're going through a lot. 479 00:19:09,482 --> 00:19:12,151 You need to purge all this stuff that's been building up. 480 00:19:12,526 --> 00:19:14,487 This lesbian nurse is right, Chris. 481 00:19:14,654 --> 00:19:15,934 You can't keep it all bottled up. 482 00:19:16,030 --> 00:19:18,532 Maybe you're right. Maybe all of my emotions 483 00:19:18,616 --> 00:19:19,742 tumbling out like this 484 00:19:19,825 --> 00:19:21,185 means that I can get a clean start. 485 00:19:21,369 --> 00:19:22,679 Well, for that, you're going to have to visit 486 00:19:22,703 --> 00:19:24,705 the bathroom first. Right? 487 00:19:24,997 --> 00:19:26,248 No. Ann Perkins. 488 00:19:26,332 --> 00:19:29,043 You are, without a doubt, the queen of toilet humor. 489 00:19:29,126 --> 00:19:31,379 That's all I ever wanted to be. 490 00:19:33,381 --> 00:19:35,675 This was supposed to be a happy occasion. 491 00:19:35,758 --> 00:19:37,176 You were supposed to come here, 492 00:19:37,259 --> 00:19:40,638 celebrate your son's engagement, maybe Bury the ax, 493 00:19:40,888 --> 00:19:42,306 and not in each other's back. 494 00:19:42,431 --> 00:19:44,850 But it did not work out that way. 495 00:19:44,934 --> 00:19:48,020 So, here's the new plan. I don't expect you to like each other. 496 00:19:48,104 --> 00:19:50,648 But you have to come to the wedding. Okay? 497 00:19:50,731 --> 00:19:52,291 We'll seat you far away from each other. 498 00:19:52,358 --> 00:19:53,418 You don't even have to socialize. 499 00:19:53,442 --> 00:19:55,277 Yeah. In fact, we insist that you don't. 500 00:19:55,361 --> 00:19:58,906 But you do have to show up and tell us that you had a great time. 501 00:19:59,073 --> 00:20:02,243 That's the deal. You can either take it, or you can take it. 502 00:20:02,493 --> 00:20:03,661 I can take it. I'm sorry. 503 00:20:04,578 --> 00:20:06,455 I'm sorry, too, Benny. 504 00:20:06,539 --> 00:20:07,540 Sorry, whatever. 505 00:20:07,957 --> 00:20:09,542 Ah! What a beautiful apology. 506 00:20:09,667 --> 00:20:10,751 Guys? Steve: Julia. 507 00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:12,086 Both: Sorry. 508 00:20:12,211 --> 00:20:14,171 Leslie: Ben's parents are insane, but he is not. 509 00:20:14,255 --> 00:20:16,590 He's amazing. And that's all that matters. 510 00:20:16,799 --> 00:20:19,260 I guess he might become insane as he ages. 511 00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:21,345 I should keep an eye out for that. 512 00:20:21,429 --> 00:20:23,973 Also, for the record, my unity quiltworked. 513 00:20:24,098 --> 00:20:26,976 So, technically, I am three for three with unity quilts. 514 00:20:27,101 --> 00:20:28,701 We only have 30 bucks left. Let's go. Oh. 515 00:20:28,811 --> 00:20:30,563 Okay. Get ready, driver. 516 00:20:30,688 --> 00:20:33,274 We're going to make out so hard in the back of your cab. 517 00:20:39,196 --> 00:20:41,615 Are you okay, son? Did you get any sleep? 518 00:20:41,782 --> 00:20:45,494 Not really. I stayed up most of the night. But that's not important. 519 00:20:45,786 --> 00:20:46,871 (Exhales) 520 00:20:46,954 --> 00:20:48,914 Let me tell you about rent a swag. 521 00:20:48,998 --> 00:20:51,000 No need, Tom. I'm in. 522 00:20:51,917 --> 00:20:54,295 I like doing business with serious people. 523 00:20:54,545 --> 00:20:57,798 And when you removed yourself from the company of that moron, 524 00:20:58,174 --> 00:21:00,509 you showed me you're a serious person. 525 00:21:00,593 --> 00:21:01,969 You have your start-up money. 526 00:21:02,094 --> 00:21:03,596 Wow. I appreciate it. 527 00:21:05,264 --> 00:21:08,642 Tommy t, you just missed the craziest of crazies. 528 00:21:08,809 --> 00:21:12,146 Cmbscfids dandng.Naked. Mom? 529 00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:14,774 Argument. Police. Fleeing the scene. 530 00:21:14,857 --> 00:21:16,650 Hiding in a dumpster. Coming here. 531 00:21:16,776 --> 00:21:18,277 Crashing on your couch for a week 532 00:21:18,360 --> 00:21:20,988 because, (in sing-song manner) Technically, I'm homeless. 533 00:21:21,197 --> 00:21:24,408 Hey, moustache. I'm going to hit the couch. You know where I be.