1 00:00:02,044 --> 00:00:03,670 2020. 2 00:00:03,795 --> 00:00:05,589 Uh, that's a stretch. 3 00:00:05,839 --> 00:00:07,758 Fine, 2024. 4 00:00:08,342 --> 00:00:10,469 I win. We move in there. 5 00:00:11,261 --> 00:00:12,947 I'll take the west wing. You take the east wing. 6 00:00:12,971 --> 00:00:14,723 You can be the first gentleman. 7 00:00:14,973 --> 00:00:17,142 Actually, that sounds kind of great. 8 00:00:17,518 --> 00:00:19,269 Thanks for coming with me to get my stuff. 9 00:00:19,394 --> 00:00:22,064 How can I pass up an opportunity to look at our future house? 10 00:00:22,773 --> 00:00:25,651 Oh, I just remembered. I kind of got you an engagement present. 11 00:00:26,151 --> 00:00:27,361 Is it a waffle tower? 12 00:00:27,444 --> 00:00:29,446 I mean, it's a little better than that. 13 00:00:36,828 --> 00:00:39,665 That... How did you do this? 14 00:00:39,790 --> 00:00:40,874 I called in a few favors. 15 00:00:40,958 --> 00:00:42,000 Excuse me, here. 16 00:00:42,251 --> 00:00:43,961 A few hundred favors. 17 00:00:44,044 --> 00:00:45,128 Mr. Vice president. 18 00:00:45,212 --> 00:00:47,172 I'm Ben Wyatt from congressman Murray's office. 19 00:00:47,256 --> 00:00:49,192 Hey, Ben. Dave told me you were going to be coming by. 20 00:00:49,216 --> 00:00:50,467 And you must be Leslie knope. 21 00:00:50,551 --> 00:00:53,220 Welcome. Welcome. 22 00:00:53,512 --> 00:00:57,224 You're... my name just came out of your mouth. 23 00:00:57,474 --> 00:00:58,767 Well, yeah, itdid. 24 00:01:00,227 --> 00:01:01,645 Well, this isn't happening. 25 00:01:01,812 --> 00:01:02,980 This isn't real. 26 00:01:03,063 --> 00:01:04,147 No, it's happening. 27 00:01:04,231 --> 00:01:06,233 I'm delighted to have you here. 28 00:01:06,316 --> 00:01:08,151 On behalf of the president and myself... 29 00:01:08,277 --> 00:01:10,487 Oh, Mr. Vice president, I am deeply flattered. 30 00:01:10,696 --> 00:01:12,322 But there's no way that I could take over 31 00:01:12,406 --> 00:01:14,283 madam secretary Clinton's position. 32 00:01:14,491 --> 00:01:15,492 I mean... 33 00:01:15,576 --> 00:01:16,928 I'm confident you could do that job 34 00:01:16,952 --> 00:01:18,996 or any other, but the reason... okay, I will. 35 00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:20,622 Well, the reason you're here is, 36 00:01:20,706 --> 00:01:22,666 I'm told you've done such a great job 37 00:01:22,749 --> 00:01:25,419 in your town and the state of Indiana. 38 00:01:25,502 --> 00:01:27,982 And I just want to say congratulations for your public service. 39 00:01:28,213 --> 00:01:29,506 I just want to say thank you. 40 00:01:29,590 --> 00:01:31,950 Well, you're very welcome. You're very welcome. 41 00:01:32,050 --> 00:01:34,678 Hey. You're very welcome. 42 00:01:34,928 --> 00:01:36,930 You're very handsome. I think we're all done. 43 00:01:37,014 --> 00:01:38,157 Well, you're very nice. But thank you. 44 00:01:38,181 --> 00:01:39,808 Thank you. Thank you very much. 45 00:01:39,891 --> 00:01:41,611 Thank you very much. We'll see you tomorrow. 46 00:01:43,437 --> 00:01:45,772 Well... oh, well, you will? 47 00:01:46,023 --> 00:01:47,524 Thank you, Mr. Vice president. 48 00:01:47,608 --> 00:01:48,692 You're welcome. 49 00:01:48,984 --> 00:01:51,304 You don't let anything happen to him. Do you understand me? 50 00:01:51,612 --> 00:01:53,447 He is precious cargo. 51 00:02:14,051 --> 00:02:16,696 Yeah, it's actually the same accounting firm I almostjoined last year. 52 00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:18,472 I mean, they gave me a great package. 53 00:02:18,555 --> 00:02:21,516 Three weeks of vacation, matching 401 k, 54 00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:23,185 and a pretty sweet windbreaker. 55 00:02:23,268 --> 00:02:24,311 Wow! 56 00:02:24,394 --> 00:02:28,065 I'm getting married, and I wanted a good, stable job. 57 00:02:28,190 --> 00:02:30,859 So, I'm going back to accounting. 58 00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:33,737 So, just call me bond. 59 00:02:33,904 --> 00:02:36,198 Municipal bond. 60 00:02:38,283 --> 00:02:40,327 Yeah, thatjoke killed at the accounting firm. 61 00:02:40,577 --> 00:02:44,539 Well, well, well, if it isn't Mr. Looks and professor books. 62 00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:46,166 He's looks. I got it. 63 00:02:46,291 --> 00:02:47,891 Of course you do, books. What's going on? 64 00:02:47,918 --> 00:02:48,919 Well, fun fact. 65 00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:51,380 Ben just got an amazing accounfingjob. 66 00:02:51,463 --> 00:02:53,298 Regular fact. I have to go to a meeting. 67 00:02:53,382 --> 00:02:55,509 UN-fun fact. My uncle just had a stroke. 68 00:02:57,969 --> 00:02:59,346 Well, I'm off. 69 00:02:59,638 --> 00:03:01,473 This is actually a crazy coincidence. 70 00:03:01,890 --> 00:03:03,350 I have a new company 71 00:03:03,433 --> 00:03:05,644 and could use your help on the math side of things. 72 00:03:05,727 --> 00:03:06,812 Oh! What's the new company? 73 00:03:06,978 --> 00:03:09,378 We specialize in making stacks on stacks on stacks on stacks. 74 00:03:09,481 --> 00:03:10,982 Right. Pass. 75 00:03:11,066 --> 00:03:14,152 I'm kidding. It's a real idea. So, get this. 76 00:03:14,277 --> 00:03:15,797 Kids are always growing out of their clothes, 77 00:03:15,821 --> 00:03:17,864 so their parents don't want to buy them nice things. 78 00:03:17,989 --> 00:03:20,701 I'm going to rent my upscale clothing to middle school kids. 79 00:03:20,867 --> 00:03:21,952 Because I discovered 80 00:03:22,035 --> 00:03:24,788 I'm roughly the same size as the average Pawnee 12-year-old. 81 00:03:24,955 --> 00:03:26,873 That's actually a really great idea. I know. 82 00:03:26,957 --> 00:03:29,060 Can you take a look at the business plan, tell me what you think? 83 00:03:29,084 --> 00:03:30,544 Sure, why not? Awesome. 84 00:03:30,877 --> 00:03:34,840 Washington, DC. Has more dog parks per capita than most cities. 85 00:03:35,173 --> 00:03:37,592 Pawnee only has two dog parks, 86 00:03:37,676 --> 00:03:41,513 this one, and that one, which is also an active parking lot. 87 00:03:41,596 --> 00:03:43,932 Can you say "per capita" again? 88 00:03:44,015 --> 00:03:45,618 I want to take a picture of you saying "per capita." 89 00:03:45,642 --> 00:03:46,685 Stop. 90 00:03:46,768 --> 00:03:47,769 I am so proud of you. 91 00:03:47,936 --> 00:03:49,187 Now stand next to the screen 92 00:03:49,271 --> 00:03:51,332 and think about all the strong female role models in your life. 93 00:03:51,356 --> 00:03:52,357 Gross. 94 00:03:52,441 --> 00:03:56,278 April came to me with an idea to build a dog park in Pawnee. 95 00:03:56,361 --> 00:03:58,864 I recognized her potential a long time ago, 96 00:03:58,947 --> 00:04:00,699 and she's finally living up to it. 97 00:04:00,824 --> 00:04:03,869 I mean, I am so proud of her, I could cry. 98 00:04:04,870 --> 00:04:07,164 And here we go. 99 00:04:07,622 --> 00:04:08,707 One tiny critique. 100 00:04:08,790 --> 00:04:10,375 If you do want to be taken seriously, 101 00:04:10,500 --> 00:04:12,895 you mightwant to think a little bit about how you present yourself. 102 00:04:12,919 --> 00:04:16,381 No, this is publicity for Orin's new performance art show. 103 00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:18,592 He's an animal living on a human farm 104 00:04:18,675 --> 00:04:20,719 and you can go and feed him from your own hand. 105 00:04:20,802 --> 00:04:22,846 Ugh. That's horrifying, and so is Orin. 106 00:04:22,929 --> 00:04:24,282 You should not be friends with him. 107 00:04:24,306 --> 00:04:25,974 So, after reviewing all the options, 108 00:04:26,057 --> 00:04:29,644 I found that the best location for the dog park is lot 48. 109 00:04:30,854 --> 00:04:31,934 The one behind Ann's house. 110 00:04:34,775 --> 00:04:39,279 No, no, no, no, no. I've been trying to put a park there for four years. 111 00:04:39,446 --> 00:04:41,907 See, the thing is, April, that lot is mine. 112 00:04:42,073 --> 00:04:43,950 I've been doing slow, painstaking work. 113 00:04:44,034 --> 00:04:46,453 So, I don't want to whip out the legalese on you now, 114 00:04:46,536 --> 00:04:47,579 but I got dibs. 115 00:04:47,913 --> 00:04:48,997 What we are going to do is 116 00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:51,142 we're going to take your enthusiasm, we're going to bundle it up, 117 00:04:51,166 --> 00:04:52,685 and we're going to find a new place for a dog park. 118 00:04:52,709 --> 00:04:53,710 Doesn't that sound fun? 119 00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:56,213 - One, two, three. Cheese. - Good girl. 120 00:04:57,005 --> 00:04:59,257 Morning, Andy. 121 00:05:00,967 --> 00:05:04,262 Okay. Something is different about my computer. 122 00:05:06,348 --> 00:05:08,391 A-ha! It's gone. 123 00:05:09,017 --> 00:05:13,522 A game is the foot. 124 00:05:13,730 --> 00:05:18,443 See, part of the police academy entrance exam is investigating a crime. 125 00:05:18,693 --> 00:05:20,505 So, about a month ago, I told everyone in the office, 126 00:05:20,529 --> 00:05:22,715 that at some point, they should steal something from my desk 127 00:05:22,739 --> 00:05:24,157 so I can practice. 128 00:05:24,407 --> 00:05:25,909 Let's do this. 129 00:05:27,244 --> 00:05:30,080 Wait. Hey, did you guys take my glasses, too? 130 00:05:30,288 --> 00:05:32,374 They got my sunglasses, too. 131 00:05:32,833 --> 00:05:34,751 I was in Miami last weekend. 132 00:05:34,835 --> 00:05:36,545 I took my talents to south beach. 133 00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:38,088 How do you spend your time in Miami? 134 00:05:38,213 --> 00:05:39,923 Maybe fencing stolen computers? 135 00:05:40,048 --> 00:05:45,887 Yes. I took your government computer from Indiana to Miami 136 00:05:46,054 --> 00:05:49,224 to sell it on the black market for 150 bucks. 137 00:05:49,724 --> 00:05:52,561 Ha-ha! You don't know it, but you just gave yourself away. 138 00:05:53,645 --> 00:05:55,730 I've got to say, I'm impressed. 139 00:05:55,814 --> 00:05:57,440 Your mission statement made sense. 140 00:05:57,524 --> 00:06:00,193 And you didn't use one r. Kelly lyric. 141 00:06:00,277 --> 00:06:02,904 Yes. So, you want to be my c.F.O.? 142 00:06:03,154 --> 00:06:05,991 Well, I already have a job, but I'll help as a friend. 143 00:06:06,116 --> 00:06:09,077 As long as you take what I say seriously. 144 00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:12,706 I don't want another entertainment 720 disaster on our hands. 145 00:06:12,831 --> 00:06:14,457 Yeah. It was a disaster. 146 00:06:14,541 --> 00:06:17,544 Too bad we didn't see it coming. All right. What's my first move? 147 00:06:17,919 --> 00:06:20,672 You know, I think any of the four previous locations would work, 148 00:06:20,797 --> 00:06:22,149 but there's something about this place. 149 00:06:22,173 --> 00:06:24,551 It's just a really good energy here, you know? 150 00:06:24,634 --> 00:06:26,636 Lots of natural light. 151 00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:28,930 It's tiny and awful andloud. 152 00:06:29,431 --> 00:06:32,767 And it's zoned 14-b, industrial waste clean-up site. 153 00:06:32,851 --> 00:06:34,912 We should technically be wearing Hazmat suits right now. 154 00:06:34,936 --> 00:06:36,080 This seems like the kind of place 155 00:06:36,104 --> 00:06:38,148 a ska band would go to shoot heroin. 156 00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:41,067 Come on, guys. This is a great place for a dog park. 157 00:06:41,151 --> 00:06:43,695 I mean, look. There's already a dog here. 158 00:06:43,820 --> 00:06:46,406 Oh, my god. I had that exact do” when I was a kid. 159 00:06:47,198 --> 00:06:48,825 This is traumatic for me. 160 00:06:48,950 --> 00:06:51,494 April: Well, I'm sorry, but lot 48 is the only one that works. 161 00:06:51,703 --> 00:06:52,763 And I'm definitely bringing it up 162 00:06:52,787 --> 00:06:53,931 at the next city council meeting. 163 00:06:53,955 --> 00:06:55,206 April, please, I beg of you. 164 00:06:55,290 --> 00:06:57,459 I will do anything to keep you from doing that. 165 00:06:57,626 --> 00:06:59,461 Okay. Saw off your pinky toe. No. 166 00:06:59,586 --> 00:07:00,879 Shave your head. No. 167 00:07:00,962 --> 00:07:02,672 Have sex with Jerry. No. 168 00:07:02,756 --> 00:07:04,132 Well, itried to be reasonable. 169 00:07:04,549 --> 00:07:08,303 I've created a monster. And now, I need to destroy her. 170 00:07:09,346 --> 00:07:10,805 What do I do, Joe? 171 00:07:10,931 --> 00:07:14,225 "Well, Leslie, look into my eyes, take a deep breath, 172 00:07:14,309 --> 00:07:16,269 "and everything will be fine." 173 00:07:16,394 --> 00:07:20,482 Thanks, Joe. God, he's good. 174 00:07:22,192 --> 00:07:23,944 Ron, thank you for agreeing to see me. 175 00:07:24,319 --> 00:07:26,339 I didn't. You just walked in here and started talking. 176 00:07:26,363 --> 00:07:27,506 I don't have time for a history lesson. 177 00:07:27,530 --> 00:07:31,451 Look, I am trying to remove parking meters. 178 00:07:31,660 --> 00:07:34,204 And there is a guy in public works 179 00:07:34,287 --> 00:07:35,622 who's being a real Thorn about it. 180 00:07:35,747 --> 00:07:36,748 Which guy? 181 00:07:37,415 --> 00:07:38,416 Ricky jordache. 182 00:07:38,708 --> 00:07:40,102 Never heard of him. What's his deal? 183 00:07:40,126 --> 00:07:41,795 He's new. He used to be a slacker, 184 00:07:41,878 --> 00:07:43,922 but now he's realizing his full potential. 185 00:07:44,005 --> 00:07:46,341 But at what cost? He's smart and he's beautiful. 186 00:07:46,716 --> 00:07:48,635 And I think of him in many ways as a daughter. 187 00:07:48,718 --> 00:07:51,118 But that would be crazy 'cause he's a man. His name is Ricky. 188 00:07:51,554 --> 00:07:52,681 Here's my question. 189 00:07:52,764 --> 00:07:55,266 How did you used to slow me down 190 00:07:55,350 --> 00:07:57,018 when I was becoming too "me-ish"? 191 00:07:57,185 --> 00:07:59,104 Sometimes, I'd just give you busy work. 192 00:07:59,187 --> 00:08:01,439 I once had you put together a brochure 193 00:08:01,523 --> 00:08:03,858 about different kinds of Indiana topsoil. 194 00:08:04,150 --> 00:08:06,152 That soil brochure was not busy work. 195 00:08:06,236 --> 00:08:08,863 I mean, people still refer to "mulch ado about nothing." 196 00:08:08,947 --> 00:08:12,450 And if you were particularly amped up about a project, 197 00:08:12,534 --> 00:08:15,537 I'd take you to jj's and distract you with waffles. 198 00:08:15,704 --> 00:08:17,205 Those were distraction waffles? 199 00:08:17,288 --> 00:08:18,808 I thought they were friendship waffles. 200 00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:21,126 Breakfast food can serve many purposes. 201 00:08:21,292 --> 00:08:23,003 But what if this person, this Ricky, 202 00:08:23,086 --> 00:08:25,463 who is real, doesn't like waffles? 203 00:08:25,672 --> 00:08:26,923 Or anything? 204 00:08:27,007 --> 00:08:29,551 Everybody has something they're passionate about. 205 00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:33,054 Just figure out what it is, express an interest in it, 206 00:08:33,179 --> 00:08:34,597 and divert his attention. 207 00:08:41,312 --> 00:08:45,316 Howdy, neighbors. Welcome to human farm. Here's your animal feed. 208 00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:47,027 Please don't feed the animals. 209 00:08:48,319 --> 00:08:53,324 Wow. This is really, really cool. 210 00:08:53,491 --> 00:08:55,994 I like the statement it's making. 211 00:08:56,286 --> 00:08:59,372 That, you know, we're all in cages, in a way. 212 00:08:59,456 --> 00:09:01,750 Yeah, it's actually about death and the city. 213 00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:05,420 Yeah. I see that now. Hi, Orin. 214 00:09:07,839 --> 00:09:10,925 Ms. Wicks, ifyou've read our proposal, you'll see that an alliance 215 00:09:11,009 --> 00:09:14,554 between rent a swag and sweetums could be mutually beneficial. 216 00:09:14,763 --> 00:09:18,767 Well, I must say, it's a much better idea than the last one you had. 217 00:09:18,850 --> 00:09:21,936 That gourmet French food thing? 218 00:09:22,187 --> 00:09:24,439 Oh! My escargot delivery service. Snail mail. 219 00:09:25,023 --> 00:09:26,858 So, you want to partner up and make history? 220 00:09:26,941 --> 00:09:29,027 I mean, you've already made history 221 00:09:29,110 --> 00:09:30,653 as the world's most beautiful c.E.O. 222 00:09:31,029 --> 00:09:32,447 I'm really sorry, cutie. 223 00:09:32,614 --> 00:09:36,951 The company is laying low right now due to a small mishap. 224 00:09:37,118 --> 00:09:41,122 Ah! Yes. A sweetums molasses storage vat exploded, 225 00:09:41,206 --> 00:09:43,917 resulting in a slow-moving ecological disaster. 226 00:09:44,125 --> 00:09:45,877 Well, all press is good press. 227 00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:50,965 No, this was bad press. A lot of homes were very gradually flooded. 228 00:09:51,633 --> 00:09:52,926 People died. 229 00:09:54,719 --> 00:09:56,387 Actually, speaking of... 230 00:09:56,554 --> 00:09:59,974 We're starting up a non-profit foundation to restore our name. 231 00:10:00,058 --> 00:10:01,559 Any interest in running it? 232 00:10:02,143 --> 00:10:06,022 Oh, I'm sorry. You want me to run your non-profit wing? 233 00:10:06,189 --> 00:10:08,817 I know that Bobby Newport is my stepson. 234 00:10:08,942 --> 00:10:13,154 But the work you did on Leslie's campaign was amazing. 235 00:10:13,571 --> 00:10:14,811 Your name is on our short list. 236 00:10:14,864 --> 00:10:16,282 Just to clarify. 237 00:10:16,825 --> 00:10:19,494 It's a no to me on all fronts, 238 00:10:19,577 --> 00:10:20,787 and you're offering Ben a job? 239 00:10:21,037 --> 00:10:22,038 Yeah. 240 00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:23,623 Cool. Cool. 241 00:10:24,791 --> 00:10:27,836 I've been looking at your file all day, Jerry. 242 00:10:27,919 --> 00:10:29,462 If that even is your real name. 243 00:10:29,671 --> 00:10:31,714 It's not. My real name is Gary. 244 00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:35,510 Well, Gary, ifthat even is your real name. 245 00:10:36,094 --> 00:10:39,848 Somebody stole my computer. Now, if you're a criminal, look at me. 246 00:10:40,598 --> 00:10:45,228 You have to tell me, legally, or else it's considered entrapment. 247 00:10:45,854 --> 00:10:48,189 I'm sorry, Andy. It wasn't me. 248 00:10:48,273 --> 00:10:49,774 Oh, man. Really? 249 00:10:49,858 --> 00:10:51,651 No. Yeah. Okay. 250 00:10:51,734 --> 00:10:55,822 Okay, so we know it's not Jerry, unless he was lying to me. 251 00:10:55,947 --> 00:10:58,533 I can never tell when people are lying to me. 252 00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:01,786 Hopefully, that doesn't come up in my police work. 253 00:11:02,412 --> 00:11:04,747 I think we should do more stuff like this, you know? 254 00:11:04,831 --> 00:11:06,833 I think Pawnee needs an amazing arts program. 255 00:11:06,916 --> 00:11:09,116 Maybe you should just drop everything and coordinate it. 256 00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:10,211 I'm not stupid. 257 00:11:10,336 --> 00:11:11,522 What is that supposed to mean? 258 00:11:11,546 --> 00:11:13,840 It means that the only reason you brought me here 259 00:11:13,923 --> 00:11:15,675 is to distract me from the dog park. 260 00:11:15,758 --> 00:11:17,677 You hate this show. I love this show. 261 00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:19,804 What's your favorite part? The heavy-handedness. 262 00:11:20,972 --> 00:11:22,992 You know what? I have to go talk to councilman jamm right now. 263 00:11:23,016 --> 00:11:24,642 Why are you talking to councilman jamm? 264 00:11:24,726 --> 00:11:27,478 Because I told him about the dog park idea and he loves it. 265 00:11:27,562 --> 00:11:29,063 He thinks it's a great idea. 266 00:11:29,147 --> 00:11:30,291 He's going to support my motion 267 00:11:30,315 --> 00:11:31,900 at the city council meeting tomorrow. 268 00:11:32,066 --> 00:11:34,986 And he gave me a really cool dental mirror to check out my molars. 269 00:11:35,111 --> 00:11:37,614 Our dispute aside, you should be careful with jamm. 270 00:11:37,697 --> 00:11:39,032 He's a snake. I'm telling you. 271 00:11:39,115 --> 00:11:42,911 Yeah, like I should trust you out of all people right now. 272 00:11:44,245 --> 00:11:46,164 Moo. Moo. 273 00:11:46,247 --> 00:11:47,665 Quiet, weirdo. 274 00:11:47,832 --> 00:11:49,101 Aren't you supposed to be a sheep? 275 00:11:49,125 --> 00:11:51,544 No. You are. 276 00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:53,338 Shut up. 277 00:11:53,796 --> 00:11:56,341 Tom would make a great profile for your show. 278 00:11:56,424 --> 00:11:58,218 I mean, this is a guy who's learned 279 00:11:58,301 --> 00:12:01,804 through an unbelievable series of bonehead business moves. 280 00:12:01,930 --> 00:12:04,349 Not to mention, in the last month alone, 281 00:12:04,474 --> 00:12:07,810 three people have confused me for a shorter Indian Ryan gosling. 282 00:12:08,102 --> 00:12:10,230 It's interesting, but I think I need to wait 283 00:12:10,313 --> 00:12:12,398 until the business has been around for a few months. 284 00:12:12,482 --> 00:12:14,108 Make sure it's viable. 285 00:12:14,776 --> 00:12:16,670 You're the guy who ran the congressional campaign 286 00:12:16,694 --> 00:12:17,779 in Washington, right? 287 00:12:17,862 --> 00:12:20,281 Yeah. What, are you going to offer him a job? 288 00:12:20,490 --> 00:12:23,326 Yes. We're launching a new political chat show, 289 00:12:23,409 --> 00:12:24,786 and we need correspondents. 290 00:12:25,370 --> 00:12:28,539 Well, thank you, but I'm a little shaky on live TV. 291 00:12:28,706 --> 00:12:32,126 Well, that's okay. People want authenticity. Think about it? 292 00:12:32,210 --> 00:12:35,880 Didn't you hear him? He stinks on TV. He sweats, he stutters. 293 00:12:36,005 --> 00:12:37,066 It's like the king's speech. 294 00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:38,633 But the first part, before he's fixed. 295 00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:40,635 That was my favorite part of the movie. 296 00:12:40,885 --> 00:12:42,303 What is happening? 297 00:12:42,845 --> 00:12:44,138 Andy: Chris traeger. 298 00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:45,807 Yep. Hi, Andy. 299 00:12:46,057 --> 00:12:47,392 I know you did it. 300 00:12:47,558 --> 00:12:48,559 Did what? 301 00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:52,981 Don't play stupid and handsome with me. 302 00:12:53,273 --> 00:12:57,402 You stole my computer, so that I could practice for my police exam. 303 00:12:57,694 --> 00:12:59,487 You're as guilty as you are sexy. 304 00:12:59,612 --> 00:13:02,573 Andy, another computer was reported stolen 305 00:13:02,699 --> 00:13:05,034 from the offices on the other side of the courtyard. 306 00:13:05,243 --> 00:13:08,329 I don't think that this is part of your police training. 307 00:13:08,579 --> 00:13:09,998 I think city hall was robbed. 308 00:13:10,081 --> 00:13:11,582 Icantteh if you're lying to me. 309 00:13:11,666 --> 00:13:12,875 Really? I think. 310 00:13:12,959 --> 00:13:15,169 Like, a real crime? That's even better. 311 00:13:16,170 --> 00:13:19,007 Next order of business. It's agenda item 280-b. 312 00:13:19,382 --> 00:13:23,469 A motion to construct a dog park on municipal lot 48. 313 00:13:23,761 --> 00:13:26,097 Ms. Ludgate, you have the floor. 314 00:13:26,222 --> 00:13:27,724 April: Thank you, councilman jamm. 315 00:13:27,849 --> 00:13:31,477 Your help and general non-awfulness is much appreciated. 316 00:13:31,894 --> 00:13:34,647 Leslie. Members of the council, 317 00:13:34,856 --> 00:13:38,109 I believe that municipal lot 48 should be a dog park. 318 00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:39,444 Boo.boo. 319 00:13:39,986 --> 00:13:42,256 Well, it sounds like there is considerable opposition to this. 320 00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:44,365 So, I'm sorry, Ms. Ludgate. You should go now. 321 00:13:44,490 --> 00:13:46,451 Really? I just heard one hag booing. 322 00:13:46,534 --> 00:13:49,203 Ladies, please. Let's keep this civil. 323 00:13:49,370 --> 00:13:52,165 Councilmen, pawneeans, 324 00:13:52,498 --> 00:13:54,834 satisfied customers of jamm orthodontics, 325 00:13:55,126 --> 00:13:59,797 as we discuss what type of park to put on lot 48, I had a thought. 326 00:14:00,882 --> 00:14:04,677 How about no park? Who here thinks parks are stupid? 327 00:14:04,969 --> 00:14:07,347 Let the record show that everyone is raising their hands. 328 00:14:07,597 --> 00:14:09,223 I happen to know for a fact that 329 00:14:09,307 --> 00:14:11,601 Pawnee's favorite fast-food restaurant, 330 00:14:11,684 --> 00:14:13,519 paunch burger, needs a new location. 331 00:14:13,603 --> 00:14:16,731 Now, seeing as how the future of lot 48 is open for debate, 332 00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:20,777 I move we sell it to paunch burger for a nice profit. 333 00:14:21,319 --> 00:14:25,156 You don't even have to be Asian to do math that simple. 334 00:14:25,281 --> 00:14:26,699 You told me you wanted a dog park. 335 00:14:26,908 --> 00:14:28,701 Uh... psych. 336 00:14:28,785 --> 00:14:30,620 That's not fair. You lied to me. 337 00:14:31,079 --> 00:14:32,538 You just got jammed. 338 00:14:33,039 --> 00:14:34,624 I hate when he says that. 339 00:14:36,793 --> 00:14:38,378 I told you that jamm was a snake. 340 00:14:38,544 --> 00:14:39,813 Well, it takes a snake to know a snake. 341 00:14:39,837 --> 00:14:41,172 Leslie: So, now, I'm a snake. 342 00:14:41,255 --> 00:14:44,967 Yes. You deceived me for two straight days and you eat mice. 343 00:14:45,093 --> 00:14:46,153 I don't eat mice. Yes, you do. 344 00:14:46,177 --> 00:14:47,571 Leslie: No. You're a mouse eater. Mouse eater. 345 00:14:47,595 --> 00:14:48,721 Ron: Enough. Mouse eater. 346 00:14:48,805 --> 00:14:51,140 You are friends and co-workers. 347 00:14:51,724 --> 00:14:54,060 In this office, we treat each other with respect. 348 00:14:54,310 --> 00:14:56,312 Hey, April, how's that dog park coming? 349 00:14:56,437 --> 00:14:57,480 Get out, Jerry. 350 00:14:57,563 --> 00:14:58,874 This is private! Get out right now. 351 00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:00,566 Leslie: Hey! Sorry, guys. 352 00:15:00,775 --> 00:15:03,486 We are not leaving here until you two figure this out. 353 00:15:03,694 --> 00:15:05,738 Ron, guard the door. Ron: Yes, sir. 354 00:15:07,281 --> 00:15:09,367 No one leaves the octagon. 355 00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:12,954 I dated an ultimate fighter. It's, like, a thing he said. 356 00:15:14,580 --> 00:15:15,682 What's the play here, officer? 357 00:15:15,706 --> 00:15:18,292 Are we going to set up a perimeter, maybe bug a few phones? 358 00:15:18,584 --> 00:15:21,063 Ooh, I know. We could put out a dummy computer for them to steal, 359 00:15:21,087 --> 00:15:23,381 fill it with explosives first. 360 00:15:23,464 --> 00:15:24,882 Boom. Take them all out. 361 00:15:25,550 --> 00:15:26,819 Yeah, we're not doing any of that. 362 00:15:26,843 --> 00:15:28,302 Andy, I love your enthusiasm. 363 00:15:28,386 --> 00:15:30,026 But we don't really have the kind of money 364 00:15:30,096 --> 00:15:31,639 to launch a massive invesfigafion. 365 00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:35,726 You're just going to fill out this stupid report and that's it? 366 00:15:36,018 --> 00:15:38,539 As a future cop, you have to understand, I cannot let this guy go. 367 00:15:38,563 --> 00:15:41,732 Look, man. This is what most police work is. 368 00:15:42,483 --> 00:15:46,404 Just writing stuff down. It's not superhero time. 369 00:15:46,654 --> 00:15:49,782 If that sounds boring, maybe you ought to do something else. 370 00:15:52,076 --> 00:15:53,661 Maybe we should find the person 371 00:15:53,744 --> 00:15:55,621 who stole his positive attitude. 372 00:15:58,082 --> 00:15:59,709 Hey, man. Hey, man. 373 00:15:59,834 --> 00:16:02,086 Get any more job offers since I last saw you? 374 00:16:02,295 --> 00:16:05,465 Yeah, itwasjust a management position at urban outfitters. 375 00:16:05,673 --> 00:16:06,924 I turned it down. 376 00:16:07,008 --> 00:16:09,051 I don't know, man. Maybe I can't hack this. 377 00:16:09,135 --> 00:16:10,237 Maybe I should take a cue from you 378 00:16:10,261 --> 00:16:12,054 and stick with my boring dayjob. 379 00:16:12,263 --> 00:16:14,640 My accounting job isn't boring. 380 00:16:14,724 --> 00:16:16,309 If it was remotely interesting, 381 00:16:16,392 --> 00:16:18,019 there would be a show on a&e about it. 382 00:16:18,102 --> 00:16:19,862 They have a show about storage unit auctions. 383 00:16:20,104 --> 00:16:23,983 Fair point. Look. If you're passionate about this, keep at it. 384 00:16:24,066 --> 00:16:25,735 Things will turn around. 385 00:16:25,902 --> 00:16:26,903 Also, can you tell me 386 00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:29,322 what time that show about storage units is on? 387 00:16:30,072 --> 00:16:31,199 9:30. 388 00:16:33,451 --> 00:16:35,828 All right. I'm going to have to force this. Leslie. 389 00:16:35,953 --> 00:16:38,515 Maybe you want to admit that you haven't been the greatest role model. 390 00:16:38,539 --> 00:16:40,041 I don't care. Orin's my role model. 391 00:16:40,124 --> 00:16:41,792 April, maybe you want to admit 392 00:16:41,876 --> 00:16:43,920 that you've been a little selfish and inconsiderate. 393 00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:46,589 Look. All I ever wanted 394 00:16:46,714 --> 00:16:49,759 was for you to show the enthusiasm you showed for your dog park. 395 00:16:49,842 --> 00:16:53,429 And when you did, I blew it. And I'm sorry. 396 00:16:53,513 --> 00:16:56,974 Fine. I'm sorry that I outsmarted you at every turn. 397 00:16:57,058 --> 00:16:58,684 April. 398 00:16:58,893 --> 00:17:00,645 And I know I have a lot to learn from you, 399 00:17:01,103 --> 00:17:04,148 and I'm sorry that I disrespected your stupid dream. 400 00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:06,442 A lot of love in this room. 401 00:17:08,110 --> 00:17:09,862 I'm very, very sorry. Me, too. 402 00:17:09,946 --> 00:17:11,948 I love you very much. I love you, too. 403 00:17:12,573 --> 00:17:13,759 I don't want to do this in front of her. 404 00:17:13,783 --> 00:17:14,784 Okay. 405 00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:16,494 Okay, Ann, since you're such a genius, 406 00:17:16,577 --> 00:17:17,703 what do we do now? 407 00:17:17,787 --> 00:17:18,972 Neither of you want jamm to win. 408 00:17:18,996 --> 00:17:21,082 Nor do I. Because I hate paunch burger. 409 00:17:21,165 --> 00:17:22,542 But if there is one in my backyard, 410 00:17:22,625 --> 00:17:23,685 I will eat there, like, every night. 411 00:17:23,709 --> 00:17:24,710 And that is no good. 412 00:17:24,794 --> 00:17:27,797 So, I say we stop playing dirty with each other, 413 00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:29,715 and we start playing dirty with jamm. 414 00:17:29,799 --> 00:17:31,509 Yes. We'll have triple-sex with him. 415 00:17:31,592 --> 00:17:33,719 No. I have an idea. It's very uncool, 416 00:17:33,844 --> 00:17:35,304 but it's not illegal, technically. 417 00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:37,598 But it is a dick move. 418 00:17:37,682 --> 00:17:38,683 I love it. 419 00:17:39,141 --> 00:17:41,519 Hey, captain, status update. 420 00:17:41,644 --> 00:17:44,939 My new suspect, the dude who runs carpet emporium. 421 00:17:45,147 --> 00:17:48,734 The way I figure is, criminals love to wrap things up in rugs. 422 00:17:48,859 --> 00:17:51,279 Plus, he yelled at me when I tried to unroll them all. So... 423 00:17:51,362 --> 00:17:54,532 Andy, while I appreciate your dedication to finding this criminal, 424 00:17:54,615 --> 00:17:57,368 I think you mightwant to take into account what the policeman said. 425 00:17:57,451 --> 00:18:01,789 I mean, gosh. If I can't even investigate bad guys, 426 00:18:02,498 --> 00:18:04,500 why become a cop at all? 427 00:18:05,001 --> 00:18:06,043 What are you doing? 428 00:18:06,127 --> 00:18:07,479 When I get bummed out I take my shirt off, 429 00:18:07,503 --> 00:18:09,463 because the bad feelings make me feel sweaty. 430 00:18:11,716 --> 00:18:14,302 You know what? Maybe I should bail on being a cop. 431 00:18:15,177 --> 00:18:18,347 City hall needs a new part-time security guard 432 00:18:18,639 --> 00:18:19,849 for the weekends. 433 00:18:19,932 --> 00:18:21,767 You want to do that? Look at it as a way 434 00:18:21,851 --> 00:18:24,395 to feel out whether you want to be a police officer. 435 00:18:24,478 --> 00:18:26,105 But keep in mind, if you take this job, 436 00:18:26,188 --> 00:18:28,107 you must keep your clothes on at all times. 437 00:18:28,232 --> 00:18:30,401 Evenifyougetsad. Nodeal 438 00:18:32,069 --> 00:18:33,112 okay, I'll do it. 439 00:18:33,195 --> 00:18:34,989 That a boy. I'll do it. I promise. 440 00:18:35,072 --> 00:18:38,534 And I get a gun, and I can point it at people's faces. 441 00:18:38,743 --> 00:18:39,744 Incorrect. 442 00:18:43,205 --> 00:18:45,166 Jamm: Hey. What the hell is going on? 443 00:18:45,249 --> 00:18:46,417 Oh, hello, councilman. 444 00:18:46,584 --> 00:18:47,835 The dogs are here 445 00:18:47,918 --> 00:18:49,838 because there's no dog park in your neighborhood. 446 00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:53,215 And the kids are here because there's no human park in your area. 447 00:18:53,299 --> 00:18:54,717 They all needed a place to play. 448 00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:56,344 My front lawn? That's right. 449 00:18:56,469 --> 00:18:57,789 And they're going to keep using it 450 00:18:57,845 --> 00:18:59,513 until there's an actual park nearby. 451 00:18:59,722 --> 00:19:02,308 Hey, lady, get that thing off my gnome. 452 00:19:02,391 --> 00:19:04,143 He is dry-humping my garden gnome. 453 00:19:04,226 --> 00:19:05,269 Stupid beast. 454 00:19:05,353 --> 00:19:06,354 Councilman jamm, 455 00:19:06,479 --> 00:19:09,482 we just need a little bit more time to design our park. 456 00:19:09,690 --> 00:19:11,651 And if you plow through and ignore us, 457 00:19:11,734 --> 00:19:12,934 this is going to be your life. 458 00:19:13,361 --> 00:19:14,528 I'll call the police. 459 00:19:14,612 --> 00:19:17,406 Yeah, sic the police on a bunch of kids and puppies. 460 00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:19,367 That's a great photo op. 461 00:19:19,450 --> 00:19:22,244 Fine. Gentleman's agreement. 462 00:19:22,662 --> 00:19:25,456 In 90 days, we'll put our plans to a vote. Winner take all. 463 00:19:25,665 --> 00:19:26,916 Deal. Great. 464 00:19:26,999 --> 00:19:28,334 Now, call off the actual dogs. 465 00:19:28,417 --> 00:19:29,960 I want these kids off my lawn. 466 00:19:30,044 --> 00:19:32,463 I want that hula hoop off my vette. Right now. 467 00:19:32,630 --> 00:19:34,382 Hey, jamm, 468 00:19:34,465 --> 00:19:39,720 you just got knoped and ludgated and perkinsed. 469 00:19:39,970 --> 00:19:43,891 Ha-ha. Nice try. Didn't work. You just got jammed. 470 00:19:45,309 --> 00:19:47,061 Okay. So, let's get to work. 471 00:19:47,269 --> 00:19:50,773 Wait, wait, wait. Do you neverjust take a second to enjoy things? 472 00:19:51,065 --> 00:19:52,209 I just said, "let's get to work." 473 00:19:52,233 --> 00:19:53,901 How else do people enjoy things? 474 00:19:55,653 --> 00:19:59,532 I know you changed your mind the last time we offered you a job. 475 00:19:59,615 --> 00:20:02,159 But we are just thrilled that you changed it again. 476 00:20:02,243 --> 00:20:03,285 Thank you. Me, too. 477 00:20:03,369 --> 00:20:05,162 This is our best office. Ah! 478 00:20:05,246 --> 00:20:07,164 As you can see through the window, 479 00:20:07,248 --> 00:20:10,000 you have a great view of the billing department. 480 00:20:10,084 --> 00:20:11,168 Hey, Sharon! 481 00:20:12,920 --> 00:20:14,463 Sorry. She's fun. 482 00:20:14,922 --> 00:20:17,633 So, please, if there is anything we can do 483 00:20:17,717 --> 00:20:21,137 to make you happier in your new job, just let me know. 484 00:20:21,220 --> 00:20:23,681 No, this is great, Barney. Thank you. 485 00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:27,935 But I have to quit. 486 00:20:28,602 --> 00:20:29,687 Again. 487 00:20:29,770 --> 00:20:31,230 What? 488 00:20:31,313 --> 00:20:33,149 Oh! Is this a classic Ben joke? 489 00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:37,194 No. I'm really sorry, but I just don't want to do this. 490 00:20:37,361 --> 00:20:40,906 I need to move my life in another direction. 491 00:20:41,532 --> 00:20:44,452 This is disappointing. Again. 492 00:20:45,369 --> 00:20:47,455 Maybe someday we'll figure out the magic formula 493 00:20:47,538 --> 00:20:48,873 that gets you to work here. 494 00:20:48,956 --> 00:20:53,669 Well, formulas are my formula for moolah. So... 495 00:20:55,212 --> 00:20:59,008 Ted, get in here. Ben is quitting again, 496 00:20:59,091 --> 00:21:01,051 but you've got to hear what he said. 497 00:21:01,260 --> 00:21:04,472 Ben: Leslie's been saying for weeks I should do something I love, 498 00:21:04,555 --> 00:21:06,140 and she's right. 499 00:21:06,223 --> 00:21:09,018 I 7! Help Tom, or maybe try to do that TV thing, 500 00:21:09,101 --> 00:21:11,479 or maybe work for the sweetums foundation. 501 00:21:11,562 --> 00:21:14,565 I don't know. Life is short. Why be an accountant? You know? 502 00:21:14,940 --> 00:21:17,860 I mean, other than the stability and the health plan 503 00:21:17,985 --> 00:21:19,737 and the above average pay. 504 00:21:22,615 --> 00:21:24,533 Oh, god, this better work out.