1 00:00:03,128 --> 00:00:04,713 Rent-a-swag shareholders, 2 00:00:04,796 --> 00:00:08,383 as you can see, your store is hopping. 3 00:00:08,467 --> 00:00:09,736 These kids are renting my old clothes 4 00:00:09,760 --> 00:00:10,945 like they're going out of style, 5 00:00:10,969 --> 00:00:12,054 which they never will. 6 00:00:12,179 --> 00:00:14,765 Yeah, it's a lot of foot traffic, Tommy. I like it. 7 00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:16,850 Mona-Lisa: Oh, damn. 8 00:00:16,934 --> 00:00:19,311 It is kind of a sausage party in here. 9 00:00:19,394 --> 00:00:20,604 For the record. 10 00:00:20,687 --> 00:00:23,482 Would hit it, would hit, would hit. 11 00:00:24,441 --> 00:00:25,609 Hard pass. (Laughs) 12 00:00:25,817 --> 00:00:28,737 Tom, who is this person? 13 00:00:28,820 --> 00:00:31,740 This is Mona-Lisa saperstein, my new sales associate. 14 00:00:31,823 --> 00:00:35,244 Mona-Lisa saperstein? 15 00:00:35,327 --> 00:00:36,370 Does that mean... 16 00:00:36,453 --> 00:00:37,871 Oh, yeah! 17 00:00:37,955 --> 00:00:40,791 She's my sister. My twin sister, from the same mister. 18 00:00:40,874 --> 00:00:44,127 Thank you so much for hiring Mona-Lisa. It means so much to me. 19 00:00:44,211 --> 00:00:45,629 Even though, honestly, she is... 20 00:00:45,712 --> 00:00:47,548 (In sing-song manner) The worst. 21 00:00:47,631 --> 00:00:48,983 She is the worst person in the world. 22 00:00:49,007 --> 00:00:52,052 Huge skank. Terrible. But thank you. Means a lot. 23 00:00:52,594 --> 00:00:54,072 Of course. Got to keep it in the family. 24 00:00:54,096 --> 00:00:56,557 Yeah, but does it have to be this family? 25 00:00:56,640 --> 00:00:59,226 Actually, that reminds me, boss-man, 26 00:00:59,351 --> 00:01:00,537 I need to leave early today because 27 00:01:00,561 --> 00:01:04,273 my shrink got me and him tickets to a pitbull concert. 28 00:01:04,398 --> 00:01:05,941 And I already committed to that. 29 00:01:06,024 --> 00:01:07,901 And so, if you say that I can't go, 30 00:01:07,985 --> 00:01:09,945 it's like you're taking something away from me. 31 00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:11,446 Um, the store is really busy. 32 00:01:11,530 --> 00:01:12,674 Mmm-hmm. I kind of need you to stay. 33 00:01:12,698 --> 00:01:15,450 I totally hear you. I also don't like what you're saying. 34 00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:19,913 So, if you say no, I will start a fire in the bathroom. 35 00:01:20,622 --> 00:01:21,665 Okay, I guess you can go. 36 00:01:21,748 --> 00:01:23,458 Yeah, I know I can. (Laughs) 37 00:01:23,542 --> 00:01:25,061 Jean-ralphio: What did I tell you? Huh? 38 00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:29,047 (In sing-song manner) The worst. 39 00:01:29,131 --> 00:01:31,174 She's the worst in the world. 40 00:01:31,258 --> 00:01:32,426 Jean-ralphio. How are you? 41 00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:55,282 Hello. Welcome to Pawnee videodome. 42 00:01:55,741 --> 00:01:56,867 Today, we will be screening 43 00:01:56,950 --> 00:01:59,077 Stanley kubrick's 1957 classic 44 00:01:59,161 --> 00:02:00,287 paths of glory. 45 00:02:00,370 --> 00:02:03,123 It's about three men who refuse to go on a suicide mission 46 00:02:03,206 --> 00:02:05,125 and are executed for cowardice. 47 00:02:05,208 --> 00:02:07,328 Or we could, you know, maybe screen a different movie. 48 00:02:07,502 --> 00:02:10,505 One that's a little bit more upbeat, like finding Nemo or... 49 00:02:10,714 --> 00:02:12,507 I could do, uh, shoah. 50 00:02:12,591 --> 00:02:14,217 Okay. Paths of glory it is. 51 00:02:15,302 --> 00:02:18,138 Leslie: This is the Pawnee videodome and we are here because 52 00:02:18,221 --> 00:02:20,349 I started a program to help local business. 53 00:02:20,432 --> 00:02:21,975 This is a Pawnee institution. 54 00:02:22,059 --> 00:02:25,187 This is the place where perd hapley shot his movie review show, 55 00:02:25,270 --> 00:02:26,938 lights, camera, perd. 56 00:02:27,022 --> 00:02:29,983 It's a heartwarming story, but it's just not believable. 57 00:02:30,067 --> 00:02:33,070 Which is why I give e. T. One and a half stars. 58 00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:34,738 (Crowd applauding) 59 00:02:35,322 --> 00:02:38,158 Andy. It's over. Get up. Andy. 60 00:02:38,950 --> 00:02:41,328 What are you doing? What... where are we? 61 00:02:41,411 --> 00:02:44,373 The reason I love that film is that it's really depressing. 62 00:02:44,456 --> 00:02:46,792 Speaking of which, sadly, next month, 63 00:02:46,875 --> 00:02:49,920 Pawnee videodome will be closing its doors. 64 00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:51,588 Forever. No. 65 00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:53,441 For those of you that have attended our screenings 66 00:02:53,465 --> 00:02:55,676 I want to thank you for your patronage. 67 00:02:55,759 --> 00:02:57,969 Though I wish you would have rented more movies. 68 00:02:58,095 --> 00:03:00,430 Guys, we have to help out Dennis and his business. 69 00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:02,849 Everybody, rent something so we can help Dennis. 70 00:03:02,933 --> 00:03:03,993 Sir, will you rent something? 71 00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:06,853 Why would I do that? All movies are online for free. 72 00:03:06,937 --> 00:03:09,064 I'm watching iron man 2 on my phone right now. 73 00:03:09,147 --> 00:03:12,984 Okay, you're not helping. I, for one, am going to rent finding Nemo. 74 00:03:13,068 --> 00:03:14,945 Ooh. We don't carry cartoons. 75 00:03:15,028 --> 00:03:16,988 But if you want a film about the ocean, 76 00:03:17,072 --> 00:03:20,534 we have a documentary about the brutality of Japan's whaling industry. 77 00:03:20,617 --> 00:03:23,912 It's called tears of my blowhole, and it's nauseating. 78 00:03:24,246 --> 00:03:26,081 I'll just buy some red vines. 79 00:03:26,164 --> 00:03:30,127 Uh, we only have Japanese slime candy and, um, Bulgarian wheat balls. 80 00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:32,754 Leslie, seriously, where are we? 81 00:03:34,172 --> 00:03:38,009 All these kids have fathers and mothers who 82 00:03:38,093 --> 00:03:41,722 birthed them and are guiding them through life. Wow. 83 00:03:41,805 --> 00:03:43,932 Yep. That's how it works. 84 00:03:44,266 --> 00:03:47,060 How are you feeling? Did you make your dad-cision yet? 85 00:03:47,144 --> 00:03:51,481 I am 100% certain that I am 0% sure of what I'm going to do. 86 00:03:51,565 --> 00:03:54,401 Ann Perkins asked me if I would like to donate sperm 87 00:03:54,484 --> 00:03:55,777 so she can have a baby. 88 00:03:55,861 --> 00:03:58,196 It's a battle between my primal desire 89 00:03:58,280 --> 00:03:59,656 to bring a child into this world, 90 00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:04,578 and my paralyzing fear of negatively affecting any living thing. 91 00:04:04,661 --> 00:04:06,329 There's $60 missing from the register. 92 00:04:06,413 --> 00:04:08,039 I think Mona-Lisa is stealing from me. 93 00:04:08,123 --> 00:04:11,293 Yeah, it is absolutely Mona-Lisa, 100%. She's a total klepto. 94 00:04:11,376 --> 00:04:13,378 And nympho and pyro. All those things. 95 00:04:13,462 --> 00:04:16,298 Okay. As your cfo, I recommend getting rid of her immediately. 96 00:04:16,631 --> 00:04:17,900 I'm throwing a huge cocktail party 97 00:04:17,924 --> 00:04:19,152 tomorrow for all my best clients. 98 00:04:19,176 --> 00:04:21,928 I don't have time to find someone new. Ugh. This sucks. 99 00:04:22,179 --> 00:04:24,514 You know, when I was in high school, 100 00:04:24,598 --> 00:04:27,267 we had to spend a week carrying around a sack of flour 101 00:04:27,350 --> 00:04:28,643 pretending it was a kid. 102 00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:32,105 Why don't you make Tom your sack of flour? 103 00:04:32,522 --> 00:04:34,983 See how it feels to parent him a little. 104 00:04:35,358 --> 00:04:37,152 Ben, that is literally 105 00:04:37,235 --> 00:04:39,154 the greatest idea in human history. 106 00:04:39,237 --> 00:04:41,448 I heard sack of flour and high school. 107 00:04:41,531 --> 00:04:43,700 Are you dingdongs making fake drugs for sophomores? 108 00:04:43,867 --> 00:04:46,286 Because if true, this guy wants in. 109 00:04:47,496 --> 00:04:49,831 Yeah, just have Mr. Traeger call me when he gets back in. 110 00:04:49,915 --> 00:04:51,893 Actually, you know what? Don't tell him that I called. 111 00:04:51,917 --> 00:04:54,795 Just, when he gets there, can you text me and tell me he's back? 112 00:04:54,878 --> 00:04:57,464 You know what? Let's just pretend this didn't happen, okay? 113 00:04:57,547 --> 00:04:59,132 This is Jerry gergich calling. Bye. 114 00:04:59,883 --> 00:05:01,092 I have to tell you a secret. 115 00:05:01,343 --> 00:05:05,096 But if you tell anyone, I will kill you slowly with a giant syringe. 116 00:05:05,180 --> 00:05:07,015 Good morning, April. What's your secret? 117 00:05:07,849 --> 00:05:10,811 I am thinking about applying to veterinary school in bloomington. 118 00:05:10,894 --> 00:05:12,454 (Gasps) Oh, my god. April, that's great. 119 00:05:13,438 --> 00:05:14,499 Whoa. Where did you get that? 120 00:05:14,523 --> 00:05:15,857 The Internet. 121 00:05:15,941 --> 00:05:18,485 So, I really need a letter of recommendation. 122 00:05:18,610 --> 00:05:20,612 And since you work in a hospital as a janitor... 123 00:05:20,695 --> 00:05:21,863 Nurse. 124 00:05:21,947 --> 00:05:24,699 I was wondering if maybe you would write one for me? 125 00:05:25,534 --> 00:05:26,743 Really? 126 00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:30,580 Generally, between us, April always has the upper hand. 127 00:05:30,664 --> 00:05:32,916 And that hand is usually giving me the finger 128 00:05:32,999 --> 00:05:34,918 or pouring honey in my purse. 129 00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:36,628 But now, I have the upper hand, 130 00:05:36,711 --> 00:05:39,798 and I am going to use it to crush her 131 00:05:39,881 --> 00:05:41,883 into being nice to me. 132 00:05:41,967 --> 00:05:44,010 I would be happy to write you that letter. 133 00:05:44,094 --> 00:05:46,763 I actually know the guy who runs the veterinary program over there. 134 00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:47,990 Because you hooked up with him? 135 00:05:48,014 --> 00:05:50,475 I don't hook up with everyone I know. 136 00:05:50,559 --> 00:05:51,759 Although, yes, we did hook up. 137 00:05:51,977 --> 00:05:53,079 But before I write you that letter, 138 00:05:53,103 --> 00:05:56,481 you have to spend the next week with me and do everything I say. 139 00:05:56,565 --> 00:05:58,275 So, I have to be your slave or something? 140 00:05:58,358 --> 00:06:00,402 No. You have to be my friend. 141 00:06:00,485 --> 00:06:02,320 No, that is so much worse. 142 00:06:02,904 --> 00:06:04,072 Don't do that. 143 00:06:04,281 --> 00:06:06,283 I think I have a plan how to save your store. 144 00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:08,869 If we get the Pawnee historical society 145 00:06:08,952 --> 00:06:11,204 to declare your store as a historical landmark, 146 00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:14,499 then you might get enough of a tax break to keep your business afloat. 147 00:06:14,583 --> 00:06:16,751 That sounds like the government meddling 148 00:06:16,835 --> 00:06:17,878 in private enterprise. 149 00:06:17,961 --> 00:06:21,131 Well, Ron, we all know how much you love the free market. 150 00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:24,843 But the Pawnee videodome is the only place in town 151 00:06:24,926 --> 00:06:26,846 where people gather to do something intellectual. 152 00:06:27,095 --> 00:06:29,890 That, and the slam poetry nights at beanie's coffee. 153 00:06:29,973 --> 00:06:32,642 But I do not count those, because those poems do not rhyme. 154 00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:38,315 (Reciting) Anything can be a slam poem if you say it like this. 155 00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:40,942 It's pointless. This man is a failure. 156 00:06:41,026 --> 00:06:42,777 He is not up to snuff. 157 00:06:42,861 --> 00:06:44,946 His business is failing, and you're bailing it out. 158 00:06:45,030 --> 00:06:46,990 This is a bailout, and I don't like it. 159 00:06:47,073 --> 00:06:49,367 And there are some pretty intellectual conversations 160 00:06:49,451 --> 00:06:50,994 down at Barrett's hardware. 161 00:06:51,077 --> 00:06:52,871 You may get a little heat for this. Okay? 162 00:06:52,996 --> 00:06:55,040 So, use your money wisely. 163 00:06:55,123 --> 00:06:57,834 Get popular films that people want to see. 164 00:06:57,918 --> 00:07:00,921 Like, uh, get the tarkovsky movies with the subtitles. 165 00:07:01,004 --> 00:07:03,924 No. Like pixar. Reese Witherspoon. 166 00:07:04,382 --> 00:07:06,622 I know this is going to hurt, but maybe some Michael bay. 167 00:07:07,093 --> 00:07:08,803 What? No, no. No. 168 00:07:10,722 --> 00:07:12,325 Tom, I have something I need to talk to you about. 169 00:07:12,349 --> 00:07:13,683 Do we need to sit like this? 170 00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:14,768 Yes. 171 00:07:14,851 --> 00:07:16,853 Mona-Lisa's taking advantage of you, 172 00:07:16,937 --> 00:07:18,521 and I'm sure that it's not easy 173 00:07:18,605 --> 00:07:20,315 when it's the sister of a dear friend. 174 00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:23,401 Oh, no, it's not that. She scares the crap out of me. 175 00:07:23,485 --> 00:07:25,695 I once saw her punch a police horse in the face. 176 00:07:26,154 --> 00:07:31,034 Speak directly to her. And tell her, "I will not be disrespected." 177 00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:32,994 You're Tom Haverford. 178 00:07:33,078 --> 00:07:35,372 You're a smart, successful young man 179 00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:37,415 with an adorable little belly. 180 00:07:37,499 --> 00:07:38,750 Stand up for yourself. 181 00:07:38,833 --> 00:07:40,961 Yeah. I'll talk to her before the party. 182 00:07:41,044 --> 00:07:43,838 And if she murders me, tell Jean-ralphio to clear my browser history. 183 00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:46,883 Thanks for the advice, man. 184 00:07:46,967 --> 00:07:48,218 You're welcome. 185 00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:49,844 Son. 186 00:07:50,053 --> 00:07:51,721 What's that? Nothing. 187 00:07:52,764 --> 00:07:56,101 Pawnee videodome is where I rented my first Bruce Lee movie. 188 00:07:56,184 --> 00:07:59,020 And my second Bruce Lee movie. 189 00:07:59,104 --> 00:08:00,897 And when I was in seventh grade, 190 00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:02,899 I went out back in the alley behind the store 191 00:08:02,983 --> 00:08:05,318 and there was a giant hornets' nest. 192 00:08:05,402 --> 00:08:07,904 And I threw a rock at it and it exploded. 193 00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:09,823 And hornets came out. (Whispers) Andy... 194 00:08:09,906 --> 00:08:12,909 The point is, obviously, 195 00:08:12,993 --> 00:08:16,663 you do not throw rocks at a hornets' nest! 196 00:08:16,746 --> 00:08:20,333 And the point is also that the Pawnee videodome is 197 00:08:20,417 --> 00:08:22,168 a place with tremendous community value, 198 00:08:22,252 --> 00:08:24,796 where people gather to expand their horizons. 199 00:08:24,879 --> 00:08:26,423 Any other comments here before we vote? 200 00:08:26,506 --> 00:08:27,549 (Clears throat) 201 00:08:27,632 --> 00:08:30,427 Ron? What are you doing at a city council meeting? Are you lost? 202 00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:31,928 Are you hurt? Ron: No. 203 00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:33,805 I am here to express an opinion. 204 00:08:33,888 --> 00:08:36,141 This action by councilwoman knope 205 00:08:36,224 --> 00:08:39,561 is nothing more than a thinly-veiled government bailout. 206 00:08:39,853 --> 00:08:42,522 And I, for one, refuse to let her turn this town 207 00:08:42,605 --> 00:08:44,441 into a socialist hell-scape. 208 00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:46,192 Allow me to elaborate. 209 00:08:47,610 --> 00:08:51,239 The government should not prop up a failed business. 210 00:08:51,322 --> 00:08:54,159 That would be like giving food to a mortally wounded animal 211 00:08:54,242 --> 00:08:58,455 instead of slitting its throat and properly utilizing its meat and pelt. 212 00:08:58,538 --> 00:09:01,291 Please stop talking about wounded meat. 213 00:09:01,458 --> 00:09:04,294 Pawnee needs a place where the community can gather 214 00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:06,171 to discuss and appreciate art. 215 00:09:06,337 --> 00:09:08,256 A place where you can rent such films 216 00:09:08,339 --> 00:09:11,301 as cinema paradiso or rashomon. 217 00:09:11,593 --> 00:09:14,679 You rented rashomon. What was your favorite part of that? 218 00:09:14,763 --> 00:09:16,222 I haven't rented it, actually. Yet. 219 00:09:16,306 --> 00:09:20,643 But I like the idea that there is a place where I could rent rashomon. 220 00:09:20,727 --> 00:09:24,272 Uh, you can just watch it online for free whenever you want. 221 00:09:24,355 --> 00:09:25,356 Bailiff! 222 00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:26,941 Thank you, Mr. Swanson, 223 00:09:27,025 --> 00:09:29,360 for your absurd opinion, which is shared by no one. 224 00:09:29,444 --> 00:09:32,906 Now, are there any more public comments before we vote? Mmm. 225 00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:36,409 How much to rent this jacket? 226 00:09:37,619 --> 00:09:40,371 Curly sue, thatjacket is so ugly. You should just take it. 227 00:09:40,455 --> 00:09:42,874 It's $15 for the day, $40 for the week. 228 00:09:43,500 --> 00:09:45,418 Thank you. We appreciate your business. 229 00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:47,712 Mona-Lisa, did you order the champagne 230 00:09:47,796 --> 00:09:48,898 for the client party tonight? 231 00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:51,674 Did I order the what for the what, what? What? What? 232 00:09:51,758 --> 00:09:53,843 What are you even talking about right now? 233 00:09:53,927 --> 00:09:55,845 Okay, we need to discuss your work habits. 234 00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:58,181 Okay, sure. But after I take a quick nap. 235 00:09:58,264 --> 00:10:00,517 Because ecstasy takes... 236 00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:03,394 (In sing-song manner) Forever to leave my system. 237 00:10:03,478 --> 00:10:05,480 No. We're doing this now. Mmm. 238 00:10:05,563 --> 00:10:07,166 You need to start putting in more of an effort 239 00:10:07,190 --> 00:10:09,067 and start respecting my authority around here. 240 00:10:09,150 --> 00:10:10,235 Or else what? 241 00:10:10,318 --> 00:10:11,319 Or else I'll fire you. 242 00:10:12,737 --> 00:10:13,863 What did you just say? 243 00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:15,281 I said if you don't shape up, 244 00:10:15,365 --> 00:10:17,117 I'll fire you. Do you understand? 245 00:10:18,076 --> 00:10:21,079 You are so frigging sexy right now, I could crap my pants. 246 00:10:21,371 --> 00:10:22,455 Ugh. 247 00:10:23,206 --> 00:10:25,083 What are you doing? Ah! 248 00:10:25,583 --> 00:10:28,503 I guess it would have to be Channing Tatum's body, 249 00:10:28,586 --> 00:10:30,505 Ryan gosling's face, 250 00:10:30,588 --> 00:10:34,300 and Michael fassbender's sense of humor. 251 00:10:34,425 --> 00:10:36,469 What about you? Build your perfect guy. 252 00:10:37,679 --> 00:10:40,765 Yao ming's torso, Napoleon's brain, 253 00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:43,351 and the hunchback of notre dame's hunchback. 254 00:10:43,434 --> 00:10:44,561 Do you like my nails? 255 00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:48,231 Ann: Even though she hides it underneath layers of sarcasm, 256 00:10:48,314 --> 00:10:49,399 resentment, and grumpiness 257 00:10:49,482 --> 00:10:53,111 I know deep down somewhere, April likes me. 258 00:10:53,194 --> 00:10:55,530 I'm kind of just fracking for friendship. 259 00:10:55,697 --> 00:10:58,491 Gene strackwell, owner of strackwell hardware. 260 00:10:58,825 --> 00:11:01,452 Is there a form I need to fill out for the bailout? 261 00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:03,496 We're not bailing anyone out. 262 00:11:03,580 --> 00:11:06,916 Pawnee videodome is receiving historical landmark status. 263 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:08,835 We've been around way longer than that 264 00:11:08,918 --> 00:11:10,712 stupid art house movie bull-crap. 265 00:11:10,795 --> 00:11:13,631 And people need places to buy tools. 266 00:11:13,715 --> 00:11:15,383 Oh, you can just buy tools online. 267 00:11:15,466 --> 00:11:17,862 Bailiff, why is he back in here? How did you get back in here? 268 00:11:17,886 --> 00:11:19,554 I'll see myself out. Don't worry about it. 269 00:11:19,637 --> 00:11:21,472 I heard you were giving out free money. 270 00:11:21,556 --> 00:11:24,267 I need $3,000. Minimum. 271 00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:26,394 Leslie: Mr. Fantringham, the city of Pawnee 272 00:11:26,477 --> 00:11:27,663 is not going to give you a personal loan. 273 00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:29,522 What would you do if one of your citizens 274 00:11:29,606 --> 00:11:32,525 was about to come into some serious physical harm 275 00:11:32,609 --> 00:11:34,611 unless he got $3,000? 276 00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:35,737 I'd call the police. 277 00:11:35,820 --> 00:11:38,072 You cannot call the police. 278 00:11:38,156 --> 00:11:41,034 Wilson gromling of the Liberty or die party. 279 00:11:41,117 --> 00:11:43,703 These government handouts are deplorable. 280 00:11:43,786 --> 00:11:45,622 You're just handing out blank checks. 281 00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:49,417 I was on food stamps. I was on welfare. And nobody ever helped me. 282 00:11:49,500 --> 00:11:51,252 This is not a blank check. 283 00:11:51,377 --> 00:11:54,255 I have given specific instructions to the Pawnee videodome about 284 00:11:54,339 --> 00:11:56,216 how they are going to spend their money. 285 00:11:56,299 --> 00:11:58,843 In a few days, Dennis will re-open, 286 00:11:58,927 --> 00:12:02,222 the store will serve a wider range of Pawnee citizens, 287 00:12:02,305 --> 00:12:05,475 and a Pawnee cultural institution will be saved. 288 00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:06,619 Are there any other comments? 289 00:12:06,643 --> 00:12:07,644 Wilson: Yes. 290 00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:12,440 The Pawnee chapter of the Liberty or die party has hit some hard times. 291 00:12:12,523 --> 00:12:16,361 We were wondering if maybe the town could loan us some money. 292 00:12:16,819 --> 00:12:17,987 Mmm-hmm. 293 00:12:18,821 --> 00:12:20,907 Tom. How did it go with Mona-Lisa? 294 00:12:20,990 --> 00:12:23,576 I told her she needed to change her attitude 295 00:12:23,660 --> 00:12:24,970 or I was going to have to fire her. 296 00:12:24,994 --> 00:12:29,540 Well, that is very responsible and mature. She took it well? 297 00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:31,834 Yeah. 298 00:12:31,918 --> 00:12:35,004 For some reason, she got super turned on. 299 00:12:35,129 --> 00:12:37,298 We started making out. Hard. 300 00:12:37,382 --> 00:12:40,718 Next thing you know, we're back at my place having sex. 301 00:12:41,427 --> 00:12:43,304 We're together now. Hey, bitch. 302 00:12:43,388 --> 00:12:44,782 I need to borrow some money to do something 303 00:12:44,806 --> 00:12:46,432 that is none of your damn beeswax. 304 00:12:46,516 --> 00:12:48,893 Namely, I need to wax my bees. 305 00:12:49,894 --> 00:12:51,562 Here you go. I'd still hit it. 306 00:12:52,522 --> 00:12:53,564 I'm cooling on you. 307 00:12:54,732 --> 00:12:56,234 See? Perfect. 308 00:12:57,443 --> 00:12:59,570 (Sighs) Okay, you have to choose one. 309 00:12:59,654 --> 00:13:02,490 I can't think. These braids you did are making my brain hurt. 310 00:13:03,491 --> 00:13:04,909 Fine. Miranda. 311 00:13:04,993 --> 00:13:06,327 No, I think you're a Charlotte. 312 00:13:06,411 --> 00:13:08,454 You're, like, a scary Charlotte. 313 00:13:08,538 --> 00:13:09,747 (Sighs) Hey. 314 00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:11,249 Hey. 315 00:13:12,041 --> 00:13:13,042 (Stutters) 316 00:13:13,126 --> 00:13:14,168 What's up? 317 00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:15,545 Nothing. 318 00:13:16,462 --> 00:13:17,630 This is weird. 319 00:13:17,714 --> 00:13:18,840 No, it's not. Yeah, it is. 320 00:13:18,923 --> 00:13:20,466 Why is it weird? It's not weird. 321 00:13:20,591 --> 00:13:22,552 Do you want to, uh, talk in private? 322 00:13:22,635 --> 00:13:24,530 No. Anything you can say to Ann, you can say to me. 323 00:13:24,554 --> 00:13:26,514 Because we're best friends this week. 324 00:13:26,597 --> 00:13:27,849 (Stutters) Can we talk later? 325 00:13:27,932 --> 00:13:28,975 Okay. Yeah. 326 00:13:29,058 --> 00:13:30,619 Why don't we talk now? No. Talk to you later. 327 00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:32,937 Chris, we can talk now. What's going on, best friend? 328 00:13:33,021 --> 00:13:34,314 Nothing. Never mind. Tell me. 329 00:13:34,397 --> 00:13:36,041 Nothing's happening. Back to forced friendship. 330 00:13:36,065 --> 00:13:39,652 Hey, let's go put on our pjs and make white Russians. So fun. 331 00:13:40,945 --> 00:13:42,238 Councilwoman. 332 00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:43,906 I just came down to see the effects 333 00:13:43,990 --> 00:13:45,270 of your government intervention. 334 00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:47,035 And I've got to hand it to you. 335 00:13:47,118 --> 00:13:48,536 You really turned this place around. 336 00:13:50,079 --> 00:13:51,289 Really? 337 00:13:51,372 --> 00:13:53,041 Oh, my god. This is amazing. Dennis. 338 00:13:53,124 --> 00:13:55,376 Hey. You did it. We did it. 339 00:13:55,460 --> 00:13:57,170 I did it. This was me. 340 00:13:57,253 --> 00:13:58,963 Yes, it was. 341 00:13:59,047 --> 00:14:02,592 I took your advice. Got rid of all those dusty old foreign films 342 00:14:02,675 --> 00:14:04,320 and used the money for the part of our business 343 00:14:04,344 --> 00:14:05,654 that's always done pretty well for us. 344 00:14:05,678 --> 00:14:07,430 Give the people what they want, right? 345 00:14:07,513 --> 00:14:09,182 This isn't what people want. 346 00:14:09,265 --> 00:14:11,225 It's definitely what that guy wants. 347 00:14:12,018 --> 00:14:13,311 I like this store now. 348 00:14:13,394 --> 00:14:14,955 Leslie: Do you realize what you have done? 349 00:14:14,979 --> 00:14:18,274 The Pawnee government now effectively owns a porn shop. 350 00:14:18,900 --> 00:14:20,651 You have made us porn peddlers. 351 00:14:20,985 --> 00:14:22,362 (Sniggers) 352 00:14:26,699 --> 00:14:28,951 Hello, everyone. I'm Brandi maxxxx. 353 00:14:29,327 --> 00:14:31,662 Let's give a big round of applause to councilwoman knope 354 00:14:31,746 --> 00:14:33,664 for keeping this store in business. 355 00:14:33,748 --> 00:14:34,749 (Cheering) Oh... 356 00:14:34,832 --> 00:14:36,501 Everyone, stop applauding. 357 00:14:36,584 --> 00:14:38,228 For the record, I was just trying to help a place 358 00:14:38,252 --> 00:14:40,713 that had tremendous cultural value. 359 00:14:40,797 --> 00:14:43,549 Leslie, you've always been a huge supporter of my work. 360 00:14:43,633 --> 00:14:45,259 No. No, I haven't. 361 00:14:45,343 --> 00:14:48,596 So, I'm thrilled to tell you that I'm playing Leslie knope 362 00:14:48,763 --> 00:14:52,100 in the porn version of the story of this government bailout. 363 00:14:52,809 --> 00:14:53,810 Please don't do that. 364 00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:55,061 Oh, we already filmed it. 365 00:14:55,144 --> 00:14:56,562 Leslie: Oh... 366 00:14:56,646 --> 00:14:59,399 The porn industry in town was really faltering, but now we're back. 367 00:14:59,482 --> 00:15:00,900 You're our hero. 368 00:15:01,025 --> 00:15:02,193 Ah! 369 00:15:02,276 --> 00:15:03,486 (All cheering) 370 00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:05,822 Okay. Are you ready? 371 00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:07,800 For you to tell me what's going on with Chris? Yes. 372 00:15:07,824 --> 00:15:09,242 No. To sing. 373 00:15:09,367 --> 00:15:11,011 (S I n g I n g) If you're lost you can look 374 00:15:11,035 --> 00:15:13,162 and you will find me 375 00:15:13,704 --> 00:15:15,206 time after time 376 00:15:15,289 --> 00:15:17,083 no. Tell me about Chris. 377 00:15:17,208 --> 00:15:19,127 (Continues singing) If you fall I will catch you 378 00:15:19,210 --> 00:15:20,711 I'll be waiting 379 00:15:20,795 --> 00:15:21,980 tell me about Chris or I'm leaving 380 00:15:22,004 --> 00:15:23,714 and I don't care about the letter. 381 00:15:25,091 --> 00:15:27,927 I want to have a baby and I asked Chris to donate his sperm. 382 00:15:28,010 --> 00:15:29,905 And he's taking a really long time to make up his mind, 383 00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:31,031 and it's really freaking me out. 384 00:15:31,055 --> 00:15:33,641 And I can't stop thinking about it and I'm obsessing about it. 385 00:15:33,724 --> 00:15:37,603 I want to think about anything else but that, but it's making me crazy. 386 00:15:40,481 --> 00:15:46,612 (Singing) Secrets stolen from deep inside 387 00:15:46,696 --> 00:15:47,736 you know the song already? 388 00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:49,940 Of course I do. Everyone knows this song. It's amazing. 389 00:15:50,366 --> 00:15:52,702 (Continues singing) The drum beats out of time 390 00:15:52,785 --> 00:15:54,704 both: If you're lost you can look 391 00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:56,789 and you will find me 392 00:15:56,956 --> 00:15:58,875 time after time 393 00:15:59,625 --> 00:16:01,711 if you fall I will catch you 394 00:16:01,794 --> 00:16:03,838 all: I'll be waiting 395 00:16:04,464 --> 00:16:06,466 time after time 396 00:16:06,799 --> 00:16:08,759 time after time 397 00:16:09,051 --> 00:16:11,387 time after time 398 00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:15,016 this never happened. 399 00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:17,977 (Door closing) 400 00:16:18,269 --> 00:16:20,480 I made everything worse. 401 00:16:20,563 --> 00:16:21,814 If Tom were a bag of flour, 402 00:16:21,898 --> 00:16:24,442 that flour would never grow up to be a happy, 403 00:16:24,525 --> 00:16:25,645 well-adjusted loaf of bread. 404 00:16:25,943 --> 00:16:27,028 Much less a bran muffin, 405 00:16:27,111 --> 00:16:29,071 which is the highest honor that flour can achieve. 406 00:16:29,113 --> 00:16:31,491 Okay. So, you're really gonna say no to Ann? 407 00:16:31,574 --> 00:16:34,660 (Sighs) I care about Ann very deeply, 408 00:16:34,744 --> 00:16:37,121 but I just don't know if I'm out out to be a dad. 409 00:16:37,205 --> 00:16:40,416 You know, Chris, every parent makes mistakes. 410 00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:42,835 I mean, lord knows I've made plenty. 411 00:16:42,919 --> 00:16:45,630 But it's the small victories that keep you going. 412 00:16:45,796 --> 00:16:48,633 When you see your little one take her first step 413 00:16:48,716 --> 00:16:50,718 or graduate college, 414 00:16:50,801 --> 00:16:52,512 oh, my god, it just makes it all worth it. 415 00:16:53,721 --> 00:16:55,890 And another thing is if... 416 00:16:55,973 --> 00:16:57,433 (Stammering) 417 00:16:58,142 --> 00:17:00,394 Hl_(exhales) 418 00:17:00,478 --> 00:17:01,705 You know, and then your kids... 419 00:17:01,729 --> 00:17:03,689 'Cause you're like... (Shudders) I don't know. 420 00:17:03,773 --> 00:17:05,691 And everyone's like... (Vocalizes) 421 00:17:06,651 --> 00:17:07,902 I'm sorry, guys. 422 00:17:07,985 --> 00:17:10,696 No one ever lets me talk this long. I just got lost. 423 00:17:10,780 --> 00:17:12,823 It was a beautiful point. And very well-said, 424 00:17:12,907 --> 00:17:15,507 right up until that moment that you started babbling incoherently. 425 00:17:16,953 --> 00:17:18,663 And I'll have the number eight. 426 00:17:18,746 --> 00:17:20,873 That's a party platter. It serves 12 people. 427 00:17:20,957 --> 00:17:22,792 I know what I'm about, son. 428 00:17:23,709 --> 00:17:25,253 Go ahead, Ron. Let me have it. 429 00:17:25,336 --> 00:17:26,546 Oh, wait. I'll do it for you. 430 00:17:26,837 --> 00:17:28,464 (Mimics Ron) I told you so, Leslie. 431 00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:31,175 This is what happens when the government interferes with business. 432 00:17:31,259 --> 00:17:34,595 Government is bad. Business is good. Free market. (Mumbles) 433 00:17:34,679 --> 00:17:36,931 Capitalism is the only way, Leslie. 434 00:17:37,473 --> 00:17:38,891 It moves our country fon/vard. 435 00:17:38,975 --> 00:17:40,768 It's what makes america great, 436 00:17:40,851 --> 00:17:43,104 and england okay, and France terrible. 437 00:17:43,229 --> 00:17:45,731 I like capitalism. I love competition. 438 00:17:45,815 --> 00:17:47,233 I'm more competitive than you. 439 00:17:47,316 --> 00:17:48,418 I don't think so. I think so. 440 00:17:48,442 --> 00:17:49,670 Settle down. No, I'll settle up. 441 00:17:49,694 --> 00:17:51,922 Because the bill has been paid and I have paid it and I have won. 442 00:17:51,946 --> 00:17:54,865 Look, the point is, there has to be a way for the government to 443 00:17:54,949 --> 00:17:57,118 help places that add community value, 444 00:17:57,201 --> 00:17:59,537 but don't necessarily rake in the money. 445 00:17:59,787 --> 00:18:00,788 There is not. 446 00:18:01,706 --> 00:18:04,542 The free market is a jungle, it's beautiful and brutal, 447 00:18:04,625 --> 00:18:05,876 and should be left alone. 448 00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:07,753 When a business fails, it dies, 449 00:18:07,837 --> 00:18:09,714 and a new, better one takes its place. 450 00:18:09,797 --> 00:18:11,716 Just let business be business, 451 00:18:11,799 --> 00:18:13,384 and government be government. 452 00:18:13,467 --> 00:18:15,011 Here you go. 453 00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:17,263 And one number eight. 454 00:18:17,471 --> 00:18:18,806 All right. Party time. 455 00:18:18,889 --> 00:18:21,225 I would suggest sticking around and watching him eat it. 456 00:18:21,309 --> 00:18:23,769 Because it only takes four minutes, and it's pretty amazing. 457 00:18:23,853 --> 00:18:26,272 These will not be necessary. 458 00:18:29,650 --> 00:18:32,361 Here is your letter of recommendation. So, you're off the hook. 459 00:18:32,862 --> 00:18:34,697 No need to pretend to be my friend anymore. 460 00:18:34,780 --> 00:18:35,781 Thank god. 461 00:18:36,741 --> 00:18:38,367 I can't tell if you actually hate me, 462 00:18:38,451 --> 00:18:39,869 or if this is just how you are, 463 00:18:39,952 --> 00:18:42,079 but I had fun hanging out with you. 464 00:18:42,163 --> 00:18:45,374 So, I don't care what you say, you're my friend. 465 00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:47,293 And I hope you get into veterinary school, 466 00:18:47,376 --> 00:18:49,879 because I like you. So there. 467 00:18:50,421 --> 00:18:52,423 I got you something, too. 468 00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:54,300 A baby naming book. 469 00:18:54,383 --> 00:18:55,485 I hope it works out with Chris. 470 00:18:55,509 --> 00:18:57,678 And if it doesn't, I hope it works out with someone. 471 00:18:58,596 --> 00:18:59,764 We're going to hug now. 472 00:18:59,847 --> 00:19:01,223 Yeah. No. 473 00:19:01,307 --> 00:19:02,475 Ow! You're hurting me. 474 00:19:03,434 --> 00:19:06,228 Mmm. A lot of hot "d" in here tonight. 475 00:19:06,312 --> 00:19:07,605 Ooh. Look at that chunky hunky. 476 00:19:07,855 --> 00:19:10,358 Go over there and talk to him and find out what his deal is. 477 00:19:10,441 --> 00:19:12,234 No. I'm not going to talk to some other guy. 478 00:19:12,318 --> 00:19:14,445 When we're together, you can't check out other guys. 479 00:19:14,528 --> 00:19:16,715 That's the deal. Or else it's over between us. You understand? 480 00:19:16,739 --> 00:19:17,740 Mmm. 481 00:19:17,823 --> 00:19:19,909 Tommy laying down the law. Little feisty. 482 00:19:20,034 --> 00:19:21,369 I like that. Okay? 483 00:19:21,494 --> 00:19:22,620 I'm going to go get a soda. 484 00:19:22,703 --> 00:19:25,122 Do you want to have sex somewhere after I do that? 485 00:19:25,206 --> 00:19:26,540 Sure. All right. 486 00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:30,544 (Sighs) 487 00:19:30,628 --> 00:19:34,799 Well, looks like things with Mona-Lisa are 488 00:19:34,882 --> 00:19:36,300 continuing. Yeah. 489 00:19:36,384 --> 00:19:38,344 I think I'm gradually transforming her 490 00:19:38,427 --> 00:19:40,221 from truly terrible to only kind of terrible. 491 00:19:40,304 --> 00:19:42,682 It's the small victories, you know? 492 00:19:42,765 --> 00:19:45,226 Indeed. The small victories. 493 00:19:45,309 --> 00:19:48,229 I know she's kind of a monster. But whatever. 494 00:19:48,312 --> 00:19:50,481 I'm young, she's sexy. 495 00:19:50,564 --> 00:19:52,459 I'm just going to see where this roller coaster goes. 496 00:19:52,483 --> 00:19:54,193 Fair enough. 497 00:19:54,318 --> 00:19:56,362 Is there anything else you need help with? 498 00:19:56,445 --> 00:19:57,798 Have you learned how to ride a bike yet? 499 00:19:57,822 --> 00:19:59,198 Yeah. I'm 28 years old. 500 00:19:59,281 --> 00:20:00,324 (Laughs) 501 00:20:00,408 --> 00:20:01,492 I'm proud of you, bud. 502 00:20:04,328 --> 00:20:05,579 Thanks. 503 00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:07,415 Ann Perkins. 504 00:20:07,498 --> 00:20:09,834 Is that a happy "Ann Perkins" 505 00:20:09,917 --> 00:20:12,044 or is that a bad news "Ann Perkins"? 506 00:20:12,128 --> 00:20:15,464 Oh. Happy, obviously. The bad news one sounds like this. 507 00:20:15,548 --> 00:20:17,508 Ann Perkins. No. 508 00:20:17,591 --> 00:20:20,511 Well, I've thought about it. And I'm in. 509 00:20:20,636 --> 00:20:23,514 I want to be a parent. I want to raise a child. 510 00:20:24,390 --> 00:20:28,936 With all of the ups and downs and challenges that comes with it. 511 00:20:29,562 --> 00:20:32,523 Chris, this is so great. I'm so happy. 512 00:20:32,606 --> 00:20:33,733 Me, too. 513 00:20:33,816 --> 00:20:38,529 Well, I guess your uter-you and my uter-me are now our uterus. 514 00:20:38,612 --> 00:20:40,531 Don't make me change my mind. 515 00:20:40,990 --> 00:20:44,160 Although we are all sad and deeply grossed out 516 00:20:44,285 --> 00:20:47,455 that the Pawnee videodome is turning into a porno palace, 517 00:20:47,538 --> 00:20:51,375 I am happy to announce that the Pawnee government will be hosting 518 00:20:51,459 --> 00:20:54,462 a weekly movie night here at the community center. 519 00:20:54,545 --> 00:20:57,423 There will be free screenings followed by a discussion 520 00:20:57,548 --> 00:21:00,342 led by local film buff, Dennis lerpiss. 521 00:21:00,426 --> 00:21:03,429 Tonight's film is the sound of music. 522 00:21:04,013 --> 00:21:05,639 (All cheering) And action! 523 00:21:06,766 --> 00:21:08,559 I'm glad you're here, dong Swanson. 524 00:21:08,893 --> 00:21:12,021 The local video store is about to go under. We have to save it. 525 00:21:12,313 --> 00:21:13,647 Oh, this is the wrong movie. 526 00:21:13,731 --> 00:21:15,483 Shut this down, please. Shut it down. 527 00:21:15,566 --> 00:21:18,235 Sorry, Leslie. I'm a strict libertarian, 528 00:21:18,319 --> 00:21:20,070 and I don't believe in bailouts. 529 00:21:20,321 --> 00:21:21,739 This is not how ithappened.