1 00:00:02,586 --> 00:00:05,005 I'm looking for Ronald ulysses Swanson? 2 00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:08,425 He stepped out. Can I take a message? 3 00:00:08,509 --> 00:00:09,510 Sure. 4 00:00:09,593 --> 00:00:11,953 Tell him hejust won a free dinner from St. elmo steak house. 5 00:00:13,847 --> 00:00:16,016 I'm Ron Swanson. 6 00:00:16,099 --> 00:00:17,976 You've been served. Have a nice day. 7 00:00:18,852 --> 00:00:22,356 I don't like you. But I respect the effort. 8 00:00:22,439 --> 00:00:24,525 Oh, man. Subpoena? Which ex-wife is it? 9 00:00:24,608 --> 00:00:25,901 Tammy one or Tammy two? 10 00:00:25,984 --> 00:00:27,152 Neither. 11 00:00:27,236 --> 00:00:28,820 Apparently, councilman Jeremy jamm 12 00:00:28,904 --> 00:00:30,447 is not pleased that I punched him 13 00:00:30,531 --> 00:00:33,951 in the face on the night of Leslie's wedding. He is suing me. 14 00:00:34,535 --> 00:00:38,747 $13,000 for orthodontic surgery. $6,000 for enamel repair. 15 00:00:38,830 --> 00:00:41,833 And $46 million for psychological damages. 16 00:00:41,917 --> 00:00:43,961 Oh, god. That seems about accurate. 17 00:00:44,044 --> 00:00:45,963 That guy is the worst. 18 00:00:46,046 --> 00:00:49,424 We should sue jamm's parents for spawning a human turd-burger. 19 00:00:49,550 --> 00:00:51,134 Ron. Hey. Let me be your lawyer. 20 00:00:51,218 --> 00:00:53,845 I'll object to everything anyone says, trial will go on forever, 21 00:00:53,929 --> 00:00:56,348 you don't have to pay, problem solved. 22 00:00:56,431 --> 00:00:59,518 That's a kind offer, Andrew, but I won't be hiring an attorney. 23 00:00:59,601 --> 00:01:00,894 I'll represent myself, 24 00:01:00,978 --> 00:01:04,690 as I do in all legal matters and livestock auctions. 25 00:01:04,773 --> 00:01:06,733 April: I wish we had $46 million. 26 00:01:06,817 --> 00:01:08,694 We could buy my parents' house and evict them. 27 00:01:08,777 --> 00:01:10,297 I'm surprised he's taking it this well. 28 00:01:13,991 --> 00:01:16,368 April, could you call maintenance, please? 29 00:01:39,224 --> 00:01:42,811 Leslie: Okay. Move a little bit to your left. And then, turn to the side. 30 00:01:42,894 --> 00:01:45,022 Okay, and freeze. 31 00:01:45,105 --> 00:01:47,149 That is the exact spot. 32 00:01:47,232 --> 00:01:48,859 Where an 18-year-old Ben Wyatt 33 00:01:48,942 --> 00:01:51,320 was inaugurated as mayor of partridge, Minnesota. 34 00:01:51,403 --> 00:01:53,947 Oh, well, thank you very much. Yes, congratulations to you. 35 00:01:54,031 --> 00:01:55,324 I don't know. I have chills. 36 00:01:55,407 --> 00:01:57,802 I can't believe they're finally giving me the key to the city. 37 00:01:57,826 --> 00:01:59,369 I can't believe it took so long. 38 00:01:59,453 --> 00:02:00,996 They gave the key to every other mayor 39 00:02:01,079 --> 00:02:03,290 in the town's history, and I guarantee, 40 00:02:03,373 --> 00:02:04,892 that none of them had as cute a butt as you do. 41 00:02:04,916 --> 00:02:08,670 And none of them caused the city's unemployment rate to hit 30%. 42 00:02:08,754 --> 00:02:11,048 You're so sexy when you talk about percentages. 43 00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:12,799 When Ben was mayor he sunk 44 00:02:12,883 --> 00:02:15,385 all of the town's money into a winter sports complex 45 00:02:15,469 --> 00:02:17,804 called ice town and they went bankrupt. 46 00:02:17,929 --> 00:02:21,141 Now, they've invited him back as a gesture of goodwill, 47 00:02:21,224 --> 00:02:22,601 and he'll finally get some closure 48 00:02:22,684 --> 00:02:24,603 on this miserable chapter in his life. 49 00:02:25,270 --> 00:02:26,897 Yay, Ben! Town hero! 50 00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:28,023 Yes! 51 00:02:28,106 --> 00:02:29,316 Whoo! 52 00:02:32,069 --> 00:02:35,614 Well, if it isn't the defendant, Ron swan-suck. 53 00:02:35,697 --> 00:02:37,741 Tom: Why are you doing this, jamm? 54 00:02:37,824 --> 00:02:40,077 This lawsuit is chronicles of Riddick-ulous. 55 00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:41,804 I'll tell you why. It's because I'm sick of this whole 56 00:02:41,828 --> 00:02:44,206 parks and rec gang. That's why. 57 00:02:44,289 --> 00:02:46,750 This munch throws me into a swimming pool. 58 00:02:46,833 --> 00:02:49,586 The nurse still won't have sex with me, and she's not even queer. 59 00:02:49,670 --> 00:02:52,172 Now swan-suck punches me in the mouth. 60 00:02:52,255 --> 00:02:56,051 It's what we in the jamm family call payback time. 61 00:02:56,134 --> 00:02:57,219 Everyone calls it that. 62 00:02:57,302 --> 00:02:58,845 Yeah. Because I invented it. 63 00:02:58,929 --> 00:03:01,765 Yeah. You're not going to win $50 million, you freak. 64 00:03:01,848 --> 00:03:06,770 Maybe not. But I'm not not going to win nothing. 65 00:03:06,853 --> 00:03:08,355 Paul? 66 00:03:09,356 --> 00:03:12,317 That guy is a joke. This lawsuit is definitely getting thrown out. 67 00:03:12,401 --> 00:03:14,486 I don't know. Those are Jean-ralphio's lawyers. 68 00:03:14,569 --> 00:03:17,656 They once got him $60,000 because he got too scared at a haunted house. 69 00:03:21,034 --> 00:03:23,161 Okay. Are you done? Are we done? Did we win? 70 00:03:23,245 --> 00:03:24,746 You can't win this. 71 00:03:24,913 --> 00:03:26,206 You can win at anything. 72 00:03:26,289 --> 00:03:28,333 Lastyean I won an organic gardening contest. 73 00:03:28,417 --> 00:03:29,657 Who were you competing against? 74 00:03:29,710 --> 00:03:30,836 My own taste buds. 75 00:03:31,378 --> 00:03:34,881 I want to have a baby and Chris has agreed to be the father. 76 00:03:34,965 --> 00:03:36,591 My fertility counselor showed me 77 00:03:36,675 --> 00:03:37,955 this online quiz that determines 78 00:03:38,009 --> 00:03:39,845 whether we 'd be compatible parents. 79 00:03:39,928 --> 00:03:42,139 If this were the '80s, all we'd have to do is, 80 00:03:42,305 --> 00:03:44,558 not drop an egg for a whole day. 81 00:03:44,641 --> 00:03:46,560 Stupid Internet. 82 00:03:46,643 --> 00:03:51,231 Okay. Our official co-parenting score is 83 00:03:51,314 --> 00:03:55,026 58% compatibility. Not amazing. 84 00:03:55,110 --> 00:03:56,528 Oh, I think it's fantastic. 85 00:03:56,611 --> 00:03:58,881 I think it's literally the best score we could have hoped for. 86 00:03:58,905 --> 00:04:00,115 Not sure that that's true. 87 00:04:00,198 --> 00:04:01,324 Donna: Oh, snap. 88 00:04:01,408 --> 00:04:05,245 I just filled it out forfun. Chris and I are 81% compatible. 89 00:04:06,455 --> 00:04:07,789 You want to make a baby, traeger? 90 00:04:07,873 --> 00:04:12,544 Your hair, my everything else. That kid will be unstoppable. 91 00:04:12,627 --> 00:04:14,796 Guys, I couldn't resist. I did it, too. 92 00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:17,132 Ann and I got 84%. 93 00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:19,176 Well, this sucks. 94 00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:21,428 Yes. We did not win. 95 00:04:23,221 --> 00:04:25,766 So, was Ben a bossy older brother? 96 00:04:25,891 --> 00:04:27,976 Did he make you watch star wars movies? 97 00:04:28,059 --> 00:04:29,352 Make me? 98 00:04:29,436 --> 00:04:30,997 I loved those movies just as much as he did. 99 00:04:31,021 --> 00:04:32,731 That's so cute. 100 00:04:33,690 --> 00:04:35,817 Yeah. Huh. You do a iotofhugging. 101 00:04:35,901 --> 00:04:39,196 Get used to it. We're sisters now. 102 00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:41,257 Stephanie: Benji, I'm really glad you came back for this. 103 00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:43,092 A lot ofjerks around here didn't think you'd show up. 104 00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:45,577 Well, iwasn't sure. But Leslie gave me the extra push, 105 00:04:45,660 --> 00:04:47,245 and I figured it would be nice to put 106 00:04:47,329 --> 00:04:49,790 the ice town thing behind me once and for all. 107 00:04:49,873 --> 00:04:53,335 Now that you're both here, let's get started. Just have a few questions. 108 00:04:54,795 --> 00:04:56,713 You have a binder? That's right. 109 00:04:56,797 --> 00:04:58,298 Who were Ben's high school girlfriends 110 00:04:58,381 --> 00:05:00,342 and what base do you think he got to? 111 00:05:00,425 --> 00:05:01,927 Stephanie: Um... what's that? 112 00:05:02,719 --> 00:05:04,721 And what exactly did you witness? 113 00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:10,769 Defendant, alias Ron Swanson, alias my boss, used appropriate force 114 00:05:10,852 --> 00:05:13,063 to prevent further damage to the wedding 115 00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:15,941 of Leslie knope, alias my other boss. 116 00:05:16,024 --> 00:05:18,294 You sound as if you have a special interest in law enforcement. 117 00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:19,319 Yes, sir. 118 00:05:19,402 --> 00:05:21,947 In fact, at the time, I was trying to become a police officer, 119 00:05:22,030 --> 00:05:23,257 but was deemed unfit for the force. 120 00:05:23,281 --> 00:05:24,366 And what happened? 121 00:05:24,449 --> 00:05:27,577 Don't know. Well, I pooched the brain exam. 122 00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:30,997 Just to be safe, I wouldn't take anything I say too seriously. 123 00:05:32,457 --> 00:05:33,667 Next witness, your honor. 124 00:05:33,750 --> 00:05:36,253 Ms. Ludgate, have you ever heard Mr. Swanson 125 00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:38,380 threaten to hurt councilman jamm? 126 00:05:38,505 --> 00:05:40,549 Ronny? Are you kidding me? 127 00:05:40,632 --> 00:05:43,301 I have never heard him threaten to hurt anyone or anything. 128 00:05:43,385 --> 00:05:46,137 The guy's, like, a vegetarian. 129 00:05:46,221 --> 00:05:49,307 Look at him. He's like a big old soft Teddy bear. 130 00:05:49,391 --> 00:05:53,812 His nickname around the office is softy-pants mchuggable. 131 00:05:53,937 --> 00:05:55,355 Did you ever hear Mr. Swanson say 132 00:05:55,438 --> 00:05:57,482 he intended to injure councilman jamm 133 00:05:57,566 --> 00:05:58,942 before the day of the wedding? 134 00:05:59,025 --> 00:06:01,486 The answer is a flat no. 135 00:06:01,945 --> 00:06:04,048 Ron doesn't really pay much attention to other people. 136 00:06:04,072 --> 00:06:05,574 I doubt he even knew you existed. 137 00:06:05,657 --> 00:06:08,535 Also, may I state for the record, that is a dope pocket square. 138 00:06:08,660 --> 00:06:09,911 Can I see that bad boy? 139 00:06:09,995 --> 00:06:13,957 Tom and April were excellent witnesses in my defense. 140 00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:17,377 Unfortunately, every single word out of their mouths was a lie. 141 00:06:17,460 --> 00:06:19,754 There's only one thing I hate more than lying. 142 00:06:19,838 --> 00:06:21,172 Skim milk. 143 00:06:21,256 --> 00:06:24,634 Which is water that's lying about being milk. 144 00:06:26,136 --> 00:06:28,555 Despite everything that happened 20 years ago, 145 00:06:28,638 --> 00:06:30,682 this will always be my hometown. 146 00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:34,185 Are you crying again? 147 00:06:34,269 --> 00:06:35,705 It's just, every time you say that speech, 148 00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:37,272 I think about where you've been 149 00:06:37,355 --> 00:06:41,276 and where you're going and our future children, and america, 150 00:06:41,359 --> 00:06:43,028 and just our history as a nation. 151 00:06:43,111 --> 00:06:46,156 Wow. I didn't think about all that, but I thought it was good. 152 00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:47,240 Thanks, Steph. 153 00:06:47,324 --> 00:06:50,535 I'm feeling sweaty. Do I look sweaty? 154 00:06:50,619 --> 00:06:52,996 You know, I need to use the bathroom one more time. 155 00:06:53,079 --> 00:06:54,748 That's, like, five times in an hour. 156 00:06:54,831 --> 00:06:56,833 Well, somebody's nervous about the ceremony. 157 00:06:56,917 --> 00:06:59,002 I don't blame him. He didn't exactly leave partridge 158 00:06:59,085 --> 00:07:01,713 as the most popular guy in town. 159 00:07:01,796 --> 00:07:02,881 Ben? 160 00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:05,008 Oh, my god. 161 00:07:06,593 --> 00:07:08,094 Are you okay? 162 00:07:08,720 --> 00:07:10,722 I think I'm giving birth. 163 00:07:10,805 --> 00:07:12,182 Is that possible? No, right? 164 00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:13,600 No. No, no, no, no. 165 00:07:13,683 --> 00:07:15,352 Oh, god. I'll call an ambulance. 166 00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:19,064 No! God, it's twins. I'm having twins. 167 00:07:21,816 --> 00:07:23,485 A kidney stone? 168 00:07:23,652 --> 00:07:25,111 Yep. Big sucker, too. 169 00:07:25,195 --> 00:07:27,256 We're going to have to keep him here until it passes. 170 00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:30,951 Leslie and Dr. Clipperton? 171 00:07:31,034 --> 00:07:32,577 Wow, man. 172 00:07:32,661 --> 00:07:34,579 I'm so glad you guys are meeting. 173 00:07:34,663 --> 00:07:38,416 It's like worlds collide, you know? I love it. 174 00:07:38,500 --> 00:07:40,293 I want candy. 175 00:07:40,377 --> 00:07:41,461 What is he on? 176 00:07:41,544 --> 00:07:43,254 Morphine. It's good stuff. 177 00:07:43,338 --> 00:07:44,339 Leslie, come here. 178 00:07:44,422 --> 00:07:46,675 Do you have any idea how beautiful you are? 179 00:07:46,758 --> 00:07:49,386 I'm serious. You're like a flower. 180 00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:55,600 Like a snug-bug. Or like a snuggerdoodle. Or something like that. 181 00:07:55,684 --> 00:07:58,144 We should just go for it, you know? 182 00:07:58,228 --> 00:07:59,396 Life. 183 00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:02,941 We have a ceremony we need to be at in two hours. 184 00:08:03,024 --> 00:08:04,442 Is there anything that we can do? 185 00:08:04,526 --> 00:08:07,195 Sorry, ice town. You're not going anywhere for at least a day. 186 00:08:08,029 --> 00:08:09,614 Okay. Well, I'll call mayor stice 187 00:08:09,698 --> 00:08:11,324 and we'll reschedule the ceremony. 188 00:08:11,408 --> 00:08:13,535 No. This town expects me to wuss out. 189 00:08:13,618 --> 00:08:15,537 I'm making that speech, and I'm simply 190 00:08:15,620 --> 00:08:17,205 going to explain to the crowd 191 00:08:17,288 --> 00:08:19,833 that love is everywhere and they have to surrender 192 00:08:19,916 --> 00:08:21,626 to the row of the universe. 193 00:08:21,710 --> 00:08:24,295 Price is right is on, I think. 194 00:08:24,379 --> 00:08:28,717 Oh, I remember staying home sick from school 195 00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:33,179 And watching the price is right. Oh, god. 196 00:08:34,973 --> 00:08:36,701 Chris: Look, I know that this is just a silly quiz, 197 00:08:36,725 --> 00:08:39,185 but it is so discouraging to do so poorly. 198 00:08:39,269 --> 00:08:42,605 Well, look. This is not the only way to see if we would be good parents. 199 00:08:42,689 --> 00:08:43,898 I know it's a little lame, 200 00:08:43,982 --> 00:08:46,109 but I bought a dozen eggs at the grocery store. 201 00:08:46,192 --> 00:08:47,420 And I thought we could do that thing 202 00:08:47,444 --> 00:08:49,320 where we pretend the egg is a kid for a day. 203 00:08:49,404 --> 00:08:50,405 That's a great idea. 204 00:08:50,989 --> 00:08:53,908 I don't see them. Oh, my god. 205 00:08:53,992 --> 00:08:55,452 I left them at the grocery store. 206 00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:56,536 Oh, boy. 207 00:08:56,619 --> 00:08:58,872 I bought 12 babies, and then I immediately abandoned them 208 00:08:58,955 --> 00:09:00,373 at a kroger's. 209 00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:03,460 Look. We can use anything as a baby. I mean, we can use this mug. 210 00:09:10,717 --> 00:09:12,343 Tom: I don't understand. I was great. 211 00:09:12,427 --> 00:09:14,220 I was like Mark z in the social n. 212 00:09:14,304 --> 00:09:15,823 My testimonial was amazing for your case. 213 00:09:15,847 --> 00:09:17,265 But it wasn't the truth. 214 00:09:17,348 --> 00:09:21,644 And neither was yours. You even called me a vegetarian. 215 00:09:21,728 --> 00:09:24,689 What if that testimony leaks? How will people ever respect me? 216 00:09:24,773 --> 00:09:27,525 Whatever. The truth is stupid. 217 00:09:27,609 --> 00:09:30,487 I only tell the truth when it makes me sound like I'm lying. 218 00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:32,322 Tom: Yeah, lying is all I know. 219 00:09:32,489 --> 00:09:34,866 It's how I was able to scrape by on the streets of Bombay 220 00:09:34,949 --> 00:09:37,344 and make it on the Indian version of who wants to be a millionaire 221 00:09:37,368 --> 00:09:40,038 and get reunited with the love of my life. Lafika. 222 00:09:40,121 --> 00:09:42,207 You could both take a lesson from Andrew. 223 00:09:42,290 --> 00:09:44,459 He told the truth about everything he was asked, 224 00:09:44,542 --> 00:09:46,336 even when it was humiliating for him. 225 00:09:46,544 --> 00:09:47,879 That's right. 226 00:09:47,962 --> 00:09:50,256 I love telling the truth. Case in point. 227 00:09:50,340 --> 00:09:52,026 Sometimes, when I blow my nose, I get a boner. 228 00:09:52,050 --> 00:09:54,135 I don't know why. It just happens. 229 00:09:54,219 --> 00:09:55,470 Truth bomb. 230 00:09:55,553 --> 00:09:57,281 I'm going to call you both back in that room, 231 00:09:57,305 --> 00:09:58,890 and you'll recant your testimony. 232 00:09:58,973 --> 00:10:00,183 No. 233 00:10:00,266 --> 00:10:02,310 You committed perjury. But more importantly, 234 00:10:02,393 --> 00:10:04,187 you've dishonored yourselves. 235 00:10:04,354 --> 00:10:05,897 Oh, brother. 236 00:10:07,398 --> 00:10:12,904 They are so young. So much to learn. 237 00:10:12,987 --> 00:10:14,114 What are you talking about? 238 00:10:14,197 --> 00:10:16,074 I know, right? 239 00:10:16,574 --> 00:10:17,826 Wisdom. 240 00:10:18,243 --> 00:10:19,244 Stice: Sick? 241 00:10:19,327 --> 00:10:21,037 Do you really expect me to believe that? 242 00:10:21,204 --> 00:10:22,705 What has he got, acute wimping out? 243 00:10:22,789 --> 00:10:24,707 No, he has kidney stones. We have proof. 244 00:10:24,791 --> 00:10:29,295 Yeah, I took a video of him at the hospital an hour ago. 245 00:10:29,379 --> 00:10:32,423 I feel like I never gave miles Davis proper shrift. 246 00:10:32,507 --> 00:10:34,425 Like, I just didn't get into it. 247 00:10:34,509 --> 00:10:37,512 But the good news is, I am here to accept the key on his behalf. 248 00:10:38,346 --> 00:10:40,306 Boy, it's just a real shame it had to happen 249 00:10:40,390 --> 00:10:42,934 today of all days. Damn it. 250 00:10:44,394 --> 00:10:45,395 Excuse me. 251 00:10:46,521 --> 00:10:48,332 Hi. Everything okay? You want me to come back to the hospital? 252 00:10:48,356 --> 00:10:51,276 No, I'm goodie goodie. 253 00:10:51,359 --> 00:10:53,403 You just do your thing, baby smurf. 254 00:10:53,528 --> 00:10:54,863 I mean, I wish you were here. 255 00:10:54,946 --> 00:10:56,823 It seems pretty fun and festive. 256 00:10:56,906 --> 00:10:57,991 The town mascot is here. 257 00:10:58,074 --> 00:10:59,117 Fred the sled? 258 00:10:59,576 --> 00:11:02,245 They only bring him out for special occasions. 259 00:11:02,745 --> 00:11:07,375 I can't believe they're doing all this for me. The universe is love. 260 00:11:07,458 --> 00:11:09,294 Okay, stay away from sharp things. 261 00:11:10,253 --> 00:11:12,255 Well, well, well. Heard you want to recant 262 00:11:12,380 --> 00:11:13,506 your earlier statements. 263 00:11:13,590 --> 00:11:16,676 Yes. I misremembered some things. 264 00:11:16,759 --> 00:11:19,304 I did, in fact, hear Ron Swanson say 265 00:11:19,387 --> 00:11:21,514 he intended to injure Jeremy jamm. 266 00:11:21,598 --> 00:11:23,433 Boom! Knew it. 267 00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:24,702 Jamm: Tell us about it, please. 268 00:11:24,726 --> 00:11:25,768 Which time? 269 00:11:25,852 --> 00:11:27,520 Well, how many were there? 270 00:11:28,104 --> 00:11:29,397 Well... 271 00:11:29,647 --> 00:11:32,609 Yeah, we did a trade. I gave his wife new enamels. 272 00:11:33,067 --> 00:11:35,403 He gave my wife new yabbos. 273 00:11:35,486 --> 00:11:36,946 Who's that gentleman? 274 00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:39,449 Jeremy jamm. City councilman. You don't know him? 275 00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:41,242 Never met him. He looks like he could use 276 00:11:41,409 --> 00:11:43,119 a swift punch in the face though. 277 00:11:44,704 --> 00:11:45,973 And then, before he can say anything, 278 00:11:45,997 --> 00:11:48,082 I just run over and shove him into the pool. 279 00:11:48,166 --> 00:11:49,209 Bully for you. 280 00:11:49,292 --> 00:11:51,532 If it were me, I would have just punched him in the face. 281 00:11:53,796 --> 00:11:55,423 What's up, Ron? 282 00:11:55,506 --> 00:11:58,551 Just daydreaming about punching jamm in the face. 283 00:11:58,635 --> 00:12:00,070 And there were a few other times, too. 284 00:12:00,094 --> 00:12:01,512 We get the picture, son. 285 00:12:01,596 --> 00:12:05,558 Hold on. We need your full, truthful testimony on record. 286 00:12:05,642 --> 00:12:07,227 Keep going, Tom. 287 00:12:08,686 --> 00:12:13,441 But now, 20 years later, the city has finally healed 288 00:12:13,524 --> 00:12:16,486 from the festering wound oflce town. 289 00:12:16,569 --> 00:12:20,740 Today, we put those horribly painful memories behind us 290 00:12:20,865 --> 00:12:26,287 as we welcome back the mayor who made all of that possible. 291 00:12:26,371 --> 00:12:27,747 Ben Wyatt. 292 00:12:29,332 --> 00:12:32,585 That's a typo. That's a major typo. That says "ice clown". 293 00:12:33,544 --> 00:12:35,421 And I'm just realizing now that's not a typo. 294 00:12:35,505 --> 00:12:37,715 Hey, aren't you his sister? 295 00:12:37,799 --> 00:12:40,343 I've got to get out of here. Good luck, Leslie. 296 00:12:40,426 --> 00:12:43,346 Here to accept the key to the city of partridge 297 00:12:43,429 --> 00:12:46,432 because Mr. Wyatt is conveniently ill 298 00:12:46,516 --> 00:12:48,559 is his wife, Leslie knope, 299 00:12:52,188 --> 00:12:53,773 And it's water. 300 00:12:54,983 --> 00:12:58,444 Uh, oh. The key was made ofice. 301 00:12:58,528 --> 00:13:00,363 And much like the hopes and dreams 302 00:13:00,446 --> 00:13:03,449 of the people of partridge, it melted away. 303 00:13:04,659 --> 00:13:07,537 Again, this would all be way more satisfying if Ben was here. 304 00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:08,955 Okay, excuse me. 305 00:13:09,038 --> 00:13:10,832 I would like to point out that we drove 306 00:13:10,999 --> 00:13:12,834 all the way here from Pawnee, Indiana. 307 00:13:12,917 --> 00:13:15,044 A city with some class, by the way. 308 00:13:15,837 --> 00:13:20,049 And sure, my husband made an honest mistake 20 years ago. 309 00:13:20,174 --> 00:13:21,443 But it was very meaningful that you were... 310 00:13:21,467 --> 00:13:22,510 Hi, Leslie. 311 00:13:22,593 --> 00:13:23,654 Going to finally be able to forgive him. 312 00:13:23,678 --> 00:13:25,638 If it's so meaningful to him, then where is he? 313 00:13:25,722 --> 00:13:27,348 He is in the hospital, sir. 314 00:13:27,432 --> 00:13:30,143 He has a calcified rock lodged in his penis. 315 00:13:31,394 --> 00:13:32,663 Frankly, Ben Wyatt is the best thing 316 00:13:32,687 --> 00:13:34,105 to ever come out of this crap town. 317 00:13:34,188 --> 00:13:36,232 Oh, yeah? What about Judy garland? 318 00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:38,026 Judy garland's from partridge? 319 00:13:38,109 --> 00:13:40,194 She lived here for a while. 320 00:13:40,278 --> 00:13:41,362 And Lee janzen. 321 00:13:41,446 --> 00:13:42,447 Who's Lee janzen? 322 00:13:42,530 --> 00:13:44,449 He's a golfer. He's pretty good. 323 00:13:44,574 --> 00:13:46,451 Well, Ben Wyatt is better than Lee janzen. 324 00:13:46,534 --> 00:13:47,854 And he's better than Judy garland. 325 00:13:48,328 --> 00:13:50,330 No, that's crazy. Judy garland is amazing. 326 00:13:50,413 --> 00:13:52,415 But Ben Wyatt is better than all of you. 327 00:13:52,498 --> 00:13:55,251 Because he cared about this town and he tried to help it. 328 00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:58,629 You know what? Screw you, partridge. 329 00:13:58,713 --> 00:14:01,966 And a sled is a stupid mascot! 330 00:14:04,427 --> 00:14:06,012 Thank you, Ms. Ludgate. 331 00:14:06,095 --> 00:14:09,515 It is now quite clear that on innumerable occasions, Ron Swanson 332 00:14:09,599 --> 00:14:12,518 said he intended to punch councilman jamm in the face. 333 00:14:12,602 --> 00:14:13,728 And then, he did. 334 00:14:13,895 --> 00:14:15,063 Yeah, but who cares? 335 00:14:15,146 --> 00:14:16,582 He says a lot of things. He's always talking 336 00:14:16,606 --> 00:14:18,191 about overthrowing the government, 337 00:14:18,274 --> 00:14:19,484 but he never does that. 338 00:14:19,650 --> 00:14:20,711 Well, that will make a nice pull quote 339 00:14:20,735 --> 00:14:23,196 for the article about me taking you to the cleaners. 340 00:14:23,571 --> 00:14:27,909 Mr. Swanson, if you'd like to make a statement, you may. 341 00:14:27,992 --> 00:14:30,703 On the night I punched councilman jamm in the face, 342 00:14:30,787 --> 00:14:32,872 I warned him several times to back off. 343 00:14:33,039 --> 00:14:35,375 And instead, he attacked me. Twice. 344 00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:38,711 Truthfully, I barely registered his attack. 345 00:14:38,795 --> 00:14:41,130 He's incredibly frail, and his arms are weak. 346 00:14:41,214 --> 00:14:43,591 When I punched him, he dropped so quickly, 347 00:14:43,674 --> 00:14:46,260 I thought he was diving towards the ground. 348 00:14:46,344 --> 00:14:48,221 I regret nothing. The end. 349 00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:52,934 Well... this turned out better than I ever imagined. 350 00:14:53,017 --> 00:14:56,312 You got jammed by your own team. Self-jamm. 351 00:14:56,437 --> 00:14:59,565 I'll see you in court, Swanson. And bring your checkbook. 352 00:14:59,649 --> 00:15:02,568 I would like to punch you in the face again. 353 00:15:03,528 --> 00:15:05,168 Okay, Paul, let's go. 354 00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:09,534 Leslie: I'm glad you're feeling better. 355 00:15:09,617 --> 00:15:12,412 We”, get your normal conversation in with me while you can. 356 00:15:12,495 --> 00:15:15,623 We've got about 20 minutes before I get all loopy again. 357 00:15:15,706 --> 00:15:17,458 Mmm. Let me see the key. 358 00:15:17,625 --> 00:15:19,752 Oh, uh, they took it back. 359 00:15:19,836 --> 00:15:22,130 They wanted to get it engraved. Huh. 360 00:15:22,213 --> 00:15:23,649 You know, the key is just a metaphor. 361 00:15:23,673 --> 00:15:26,217 I mean, the real key has been inside you all along. 362 00:15:26,843 --> 00:15:29,804 It was a set-up, wasn't it? They were going to make fun of me? 363 00:15:30,179 --> 00:15:32,140 Yes. 364 00:15:32,223 --> 00:15:35,309 Ice town was a debacle. They'll never get over it. 365 00:15:35,393 --> 00:15:37,270 I just don't know why I got my hopes up. 366 00:15:37,353 --> 00:15:39,188 It's so unfair. You've worked so hard. 367 00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:40,898 You've done so many great things. 368 00:15:40,982 --> 00:15:43,102 And for your hometown to treat you this way is just... 369 00:15:45,069 --> 00:15:46,362 You know what? Screw this. 370 00:15:46,446 --> 00:15:47,923 We're going to make one more stop before we leave. 371 00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:49,707 Tuck in your shirt. We're going to city hall. 372 00:15:50,366 --> 00:15:53,661 So, Dr. Van dyne, we took the compatibility test that you recommended, 373 00:15:53,744 --> 00:15:55,788 and we didn't do amazing. 374 00:15:55,872 --> 00:15:58,958 But I'm sure that happens with a lot of couples, right? 375 00:15:59,041 --> 00:16:01,836 And it's not like we failed it. We got a 58%. 376 00:16:01,919 --> 00:16:04,922 Which, as I'm saying it, sounds very clearly like we failed. 377 00:16:05,006 --> 00:16:07,758 Look, there are many ways to judge compatibility. 378 00:16:07,842 --> 00:16:09,969 Okay, you know what? Let's do a little exercise. 379 00:16:10,052 --> 00:16:13,055 I'm going to say something about your future child, 380 00:16:13,139 --> 00:16:15,766 and then you just say the first thing that pops into your mind. 381 00:16:15,850 --> 00:16:17,602 Okay? Gender. 382 00:16:17,685 --> 00:16:19,270 Boy. Girl. 383 00:16:19,353 --> 00:16:20,771 Okay. Religion? 384 00:16:20,855 --> 00:16:23,649 Buddhist. Whatever he wants. Whatever he wants. 385 00:16:23,733 --> 00:16:25,651 How about occupation? 386 00:16:25,735 --> 00:16:27,778 Sb 00:16:29,322 really? Okay, I'm sorry. 388 00:16:29,405 --> 00:16:30,740 Are you guys complete strangers? 389 00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:33,367 Is this one of those craigslist father situations? 390 00:16:33,451 --> 00:16:36,329 No, no, no, no. We actually know each other quite well. 391 00:16:36,412 --> 00:16:39,707 Yeah, we used to date, actually. But it didn't work out 392 00:16:39,790 --> 00:16:42,543 because we had some compatibility issues. 393 00:16:42,627 --> 00:16:45,463 You know what? Why don't we just try one more compatibility test? 394 00:16:45,546 --> 00:16:46,714 Great. Let's do it. 395 00:16:46,797 --> 00:16:48,341 No. Let's not. 396 00:16:49,342 --> 00:16:52,803 Well, we all told the truth and jamm's definitely going to win. 397 00:16:52,887 --> 00:16:54,263 What do we do now? 398 00:16:54,430 --> 00:16:55,848 I intend to do as the court orders. 399 00:16:55,932 --> 00:16:59,143 Do you know if one can pay court-ordered settlements in gold? 400 00:16:59,227 --> 00:17:01,103 All of my money is in gold. 401 00:17:01,187 --> 00:17:02,939 I also have some money in palladium. 402 00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:05,582 What if it's a huge amount? Are you going to be okay financially? 403 00:17:05,608 --> 00:17:08,694 I think so. I'm actually not sure how much money I have. 404 00:17:08,778 --> 00:17:11,239 But I do know how many pounds of money I have. 405 00:17:11,322 --> 00:17:13,741 Oh. That is awesome. Tom: Yes, it is. 406 00:17:13,824 --> 00:17:16,827 And I'm definitely tweeting that to Drake to use in his next rhymes. 407 00:17:16,911 --> 00:17:19,830 But still. I kind of feel like this is ourfault. 408 00:17:19,914 --> 00:17:22,792 Ugh. Do we have to do something nice now? 409 00:17:24,126 --> 00:17:26,170 Leslie: Let me start by apologizing, mayor stice. 410 00:17:26,337 --> 00:17:28,422 I had no right to disparage your town. 411 00:17:28,506 --> 00:17:31,092 Well, I owe you guys an apology, too. 412 00:17:31,175 --> 00:17:33,261 I had a little bad publicity lately. 413 00:17:33,344 --> 00:17:37,056 And frankly, it's still really easy to score points by bashing Wyatt. 414 00:17:37,139 --> 00:17:40,518 Can't you just give Ben a key to the city? 415 00:17:40,601 --> 00:17:45,106 Here, now, in your office? Where no one will know your shame? 416 00:17:45,189 --> 00:17:48,818 Sorry, babe. Aw. No worries. I love you. 417 00:17:48,901 --> 00:17:53,573 You know, if people found out I gave Wyatt the key to the city, 418 00:17:53,656 --> 00:17:56,993 I would never get re-elected, so no. 419 00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:59,495 What're you doing there, Wyatt? 420 00:17:59,579 --> 00:18:03,666 I'm feeding your eagle. He's starving. 421 00:18:03,749 --> 00:18:05,293 It's bronze, babe. 422 00:18:06,711 --> 00:18:07,712 The eagle. We should go. 423 00:18:07,795 --> 00:18:08,963 Yeah. 424 00:18:10,548 --> 00:18:11,882 Chris: Ann Perkins? 425 00:18:11,966 --> 00:18:15,678 I know it didn't seem to go very well at the counselor's. 426 00:18:15,761 --> 00:18:19,849 But I have found a new quiz, and I think we should take it. 427 00:18:19,932 --> 00:18:23,227 Are you sure? Everything we do makes it seem like it's a bad idea 428 00:18:23,311 --> 00:18:24,854 for us to have a kid together. 429 00:18:24,937 --> 00:18:26,397 Maybe we shouldn't even be friends. 430 00:18:26,981 --> 00:18:28,482 Take a look. 431 00:18:28,941 --> 00:18:31,235 "Will you love our child and work hard 432 00:18:31,402 --> 00:18:33,529 "to see that he or she has a good life?" 433 00:18:34,363 --> 00:18:36,657 You see, I think that's the only question that matters. 434 00:18:36,741 --> 00:18:39,035 All the rest of it is details. 435 00:18:39,285 --> 00:18:40,536 Yes. 436 00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:42,580 My answer is yes. 437 00:18:43,497 --> 00:18:44,749 I said the exact same thing. 438 00:18:45,333 --> 00:18:47,960 We are 100% on the same page. 439 00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:49,670 Are you sure about this? 440 00:18:49,754 --> 00:18:54,383 You are caring, intelligent, and reliable. 441 00:18:54,467 --> 00:18:58,512 And I am certain that you will literally be the world's best mom. 442 00:19:00,014 --> 00:19:02,933 Wow. This is really happening. 443 00:19:06,562 --> 00:19:07,831 You know there's nothing in there, right? 444 00:19:07,855 --> 00:19:08,981 Yes, sorry. 445 00:19:09,065 --> 00:19:12,151 No, I was with Johnny cougar mellencamp at that music fest. 446 00:19:12,234 --> 00:19:15,446 We both thought biggest yabbos we have ever seen in... 447 00:19:16,072 --> 00:19:18,032 What the hell? That was important. 448 00:19:18,115 --> 00:19:20,826 Game's over, councilman. Drop the suit. 449 00:19:20,910 --> 00:19:23,371 And why, exactly, would I do that? 450 00:19:23,454 --> 00:19:25,456 We took a look at your affidavit. 451 00:19:25,539 --> 00:19:27,333 We cross-referenced it with telephone records 452 00:19:27,416 --> 00:19:30,378 and eyewitness accounts and... 453 00:19:30,461 --> 00:19:32,338 Uh-oh, we found 11 lies. 454 00:19:32,421 --> 00:19:34,048 Lying under oath is called perjury. 455 00:19:34,215 --> 00:19:35,935 And they should know. They did it yesterday. 456 00:19:36,550 --> 00:19:43,182 Well, I mean, maybe I accidentally said something that wasn't... 457 00:19:43,265 --> 00:19:44,892 Let me see that. 458 00:19:45,059 --> 00:19:46,727 Ow! My wrist! 459 00:19:46,811 --> 00:19:49,271 You twisted my arm like a maniac! Oh no! 460 00:19:49,355 --> 00:19:50,815 You monster. 461 00:19:50,898 --> 00:19:54,527 Ow! You assaulted me! And I'm injured! 462 00:19:54,610 --> 00:19:55,986 Oh, my god, Tom. Are you okay? 463 00:19:56,070 --> 00:19:58,006 All right. You know what? I see what you're doing. 464 00:19:58,030 --> 00:19:59,031 I barely touched you. 465 00:19:59,198 --> 00:20:00,241 That's not what I saw. 466 00:20:00,324 --> 00:20:02,785 My face. Is my face still there? 467 00:20:02,868 --> 00:20:04,036 What happened to my knees? 468 00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:05,430 Someone please tell me if Tom is okay. 469 00:20:05,454 --> 00:20:06,831 Jamm, I'm going to sue you. 470 00:20:06,914 --> 00:20:09,583 Okay. Fine. Hey, listen. 471 00:20:09,667 --> 00:20:13,629 Keep your mouth shut about the affidavit, I'll drop the suit. Okay? 472 00:20:13,713 --> 00:20:15,840 Hurry, Tom. Let's get you into surgery. 473 00:20:16,132 --> 00:20:17,466 Tom: Yeah. 474 00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:21,595 Yeah, it's me. We got jammed. 475 00:20:23,597 --> 00:20:26,517 Ben: My friend Jack and I used to fish this lake in the summer. 476 00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:31,814 One time, our boat almost tipped over. But then it didn't. 477 00:20:32,690 --> 00:20:34,108 That's not a great story. 478 00:20:34,191 --> 00:20:35,943 Yeah, I had a pretty uneventful childhood. 479 00:20:37,153 --> 00:20:38,863 I got you something. 480 00:20:39,905 --> 00:20:41,490 No way. Yeah. 481 00:20:41,574 --> 00:20:43,284 Where did you get that? 482 00:20:43,367 --> 00:20:44,952 I stole it from mayor stice's office. 483 00:20:45,035 --> 00:20:46,912 Screw that guy. You should have it. 484 00:20:46,996 --> 00:20:48,748 You're the best wife in the world. 485 00:20:50,040 --> 00:20:52,418 But I don't want this. 486 00:20:52,585 --> 00:20:53,753 Really? 487 00:20:53,836 --> 00:20:57,506 Yeah. I mean, I love partridge, but I have Pawnee now. 488 00:20:57,590 --> 00:20:59,300 And I have you. 489 00:20:59,383 --> 00:21:02,511 Well, I'm not giving it back to stice. That guy sucks. 490 00:21:03,596 --> 00:21:06,140 Yeah. Well, you know what, then? 491 00:21:14,148 --> 00:21:16,400 Hey! The lake's not a garbage can, pal. 492 00:21:16,484 --> 00:21:18,527 Yeah, sorry. It was symbolic. 493 00:21:18,611 --> 00:21:21,363 Is that Ben Wyatt? Get the hell out of here, ice town. 494 00:21:21,447 --> 00:21:23,282 Go, go, go, go. Run. Run! 495 00:21:23,365 --> 00:21:24,366 Leslie: Sorry!