1
00:00:02,669 --> 00:00:04,505
Hey. What the hell is this?

2
00:00:04,588 --> 00:00:06,924
I'm guessing it's my latest
budget cut proposal,

3
00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:08,509
based on your rage sweat.

4
00:00:08,717 --> 00:00:10,302
First of all, I am rage glowing.

5
00:00:10,385 --> 00:00:12,304
Second, you want to cut funding

6
00:00:12,471 --> 00:00:14,431
for the Pawnee
palms public putt-putt?

7
00:00:14,515 --> 00:00:16,141
What did the ppppp
ever do to you?

8
00:00:16,225 --> 00:00:18,810
Ron is very anti-government,
and he has that philosophy.

9
00:00:18,894 --> 00:00:20,747
But there are just certain
things that you don't cut.

10
00:00:20,771 --> 00:00:22,022
Schools. Police. Mini-golf.

11
00:00:22,105 --> 00:00:25,859
Merry-go-rounds. Parades. Gazebo
repair. Roads and Bridges. Whatever.

12
00:00:25,943 --> 00:00:28,278
Pretty gardens.
Hummingbird feeders.

13
00:00:28,362 --> 00:00:31,198
I believe in cutting
useless government projects.

14
00:00:31,281 --> 00:00:33,784
I also believe in
cutting useful projects,

15
00:00:33,867 --> 00:00:36,578
future projects,
and past projects.

16
00:00:36,662 --> 00:00:38,372
The hoover dam is a travesty.

17
00:00:38,497 --> 00:00:40,707
You also believe
in making furniture.

18
00:00:40,874 --> 00:00:42,960
Why don't you go
solder a chair instead?

19
00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:45,045
Do you expect me to make a chair

20
00:00:45,212 --> 00:00:47,214
out of transistor
chips and small wires?

21
00:00:47,339 --> 00:00:49,299
Look, the defunding
of the mini-golf course

22
00:00:49,383 --> 00:00:52,010
is on the agenda for the city
council meeting tomorrow.

23
00:00:52,094 --> 00:00:55,055
I'm sure you'll argue against
it with your trademark vigor.

24
00:00:55,138 --> 00:00:57,516
Oh, I will argue.
And I'm going to win.

25
00:00:57,599 --> 00:01:00,978
That putt-putt is going to be around
forever. And when I am done with it,

26
00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:03,939
it will attract more visitors
than the hoover dam.

27
00:01:04,106 --> 00:01:07,109
And itwill produce double
the amount of electricity.

28
00:01:07,192 --> 00:01:08,860
How? Illfigureitout

29
00:01:08,944 --> 00:01:10,445
it already has windmills.
Who cares?

30
00:01:31,008 --> 00:01:33,719
Councilmen. I have something to
discuss with you. But before I do,

31
00:01:33,802 --> 00:01:37,598
can I just point out how handsome
the both of you look today?

32
00:01:37,764 --> 00:01:39,600
Yeah, I know.
Oh, I feel very ill.

33
00:01:39,683 --> 00:01:41,101
Okay. Well, tomorrow,
we are voting

34
00:01:41,268 --> 00:01:42,936
on funding for
the mini-golf course.

35
00:01:43,020 --> 00:01:46,064
And personally, I think it is great
for families, it's a great job creator,

36
00:01:46,148 --> 00:01:48,358
and it's extremely cute.

37
00:01:48,442 --> 00:01:50,128
I'm wondering which way
you two are leaning.

38
00:01:50,152 --> 00:01:53,155
Uh, last time I was there,
I saw kids of all races,

39
00:01:53,238 --> 00:01:56,783
getting along and playing.
It was terrible.

40
00:01:56,867 --> 00:01:58,577
So, I'm voting to get rid of it.

41
00:01:58,994 --> 00:02:00,662
At least you have a good reason.

42
00:02:00,746 --> 00:02:03,915
Well, howser is with me.
Milton is with dexhart.

43
00:02:03,999 --> 00:02:05,417
Jeremy, you're the swing vote.

44
00:02:05,500 --> 00:02:06,918
What do you think? Hmm.

45
00:02:07,002 --> 00:02:10,172
Well, on the one hand, I love
cutting government programs.

46
00:02:10,297 --> 00:02:12,924
On the other hand,
mini-golf rules.

47
00:02:13,008 --> 00:02:16,011
And on the third hand, I hate
both you and Ron Swanson.

48
00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:17,888
So, this one
could go either way.

49
00:02:18,055 --> 00:02:19,848
I'm kind of a badass wild card.

50
00:02:20,849 --> 00:02:22,309
Hey, what are you doing tonight?

51
00:02:22,434 --> 00:02:24,811
More like who am I doing.

52
00:02:24,895 --> 00:02:25,896
(Chuckles)

53
00:02:27,439 --> 00:02:29,024
No one. I'm free. What's up?

54
00:02:29,232 --> 00:02:30,567
(Band playing rock music)

55
00:02:30,651 --> 00:02:32,670
Can I get two beers and an
ice water for my friend here?

56
00:02:32,694 --> 00:02:34,029
Designated driver.

57
00:02:34,112 --> 00:02:35,947
I am? You drove here.

58
00:02:36,031 --> 00:02:37,884
Ah, it's too late, bro.
I already ordered the water.

59
00:02:37,908 --> 00:02:39,093
I don't know what
you want me to do.

60
00:02:39,117 --> 00:02:42,329
Andy and I just closed a big donation
to the redwood music program.

61
00:02:42,412 --> 00:02:46,875
A charity he discovered. So, I suggested
we all go out for a celebratory drink.

62
00:02:46,958 --> 00:02:51,129
And somehow, I just ended up
becoming the designated driver.

63
00:02:51,213 --> 00:02:56,093
And paying for everyone. And
I didn't get to choose the bar.

64
00:02:56,426 --> 00:02:58,011
I should be more assertive.

65
00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:01,223
Oh. (Laughs)

66
00:03:01,306 --> 00:03:04,142
The band is moving me tonight.
It's really good.

67
00:03:04,226 --> 00:03:06,019
Really? They sound
kind of crappy to me.

68
00:03:06,103 --> 00:03:08,313
Kind of sounds like
one of your songs, babe.

69
00:03:08,397 --> 00:03:10,774
Well, you know what? Mouse
rat has a lot of influence on

70
00:03:10,857 --> 00:03:11,959
some of the local
high school bands.

71
00:03:11,983 --> 00:03:14,403
Mostly because Chang buys them
beer and what-not.

72
00:03:14,486 --> 00:03:16,738
Wait. Andy,
this is a mouse rat song.

73
00:03:18,907 --> 00:03:21,702
That's my band. I didn't
recognize us without me

74
00:03:21,827 --> 00:03:22,887
because I'm the only
one that matters.

75
00:03:22,911 --> 00:03:25,372
Thank you, everyone.
We are rat mouse.

76
00:03:25,497 --> 00:03:28,834
Rat mouse? Rat bastard.
They're playing without me?

77
00:03:28,959 --> 00:03:30,961
That's a song I wrote!

78
00:03:31,795 --> 00:03:33,839
Hey, baby. Can I borrow
your car for a month?

79
00:03:33,922 --> 00:03:35,632
I already lent you my car.

80
00:03:35,716 --> 00:03:36,943
Do you not know where my car is?

81
00:03:36,967 --> 00:03:39,845
Ugh! I'm so sick of the third
degree. It's like dating a cop.

82
00:03:39,928 --> 00:03:41,346
I'm gassy. Let's make out.

83
00:03:41,513 --> 00:03:42,931
What?

84
00:03:43,014 --> 00:03:45,058
Yeah. Move aside.

85
00:03:45,142 --> 00:03:50,021
Dating Mona-Lisa is awesome. Except
that I live in constant fear for my life.

86
00:03:50,272 --> 00:03:52,733
So, I guess it's time
to do the mature thing

87
00:03:52,816 --> 00:03:55,402
and have someone else
dump her for me.

88
00:03:55,610 --> 00:03:58,488
Uh, Perkins, sit down.
I just heard that you and

89
00:03:58,655 --> 00:04:01,533
traeger might be
getting back together.

90
00:04:01,616 --> 00:04:02,868
Yeah. It's funny, right?

91
00:04:02,951 --> 00:04:05,054
I mean, we're already planning
on having a baby together.

92
00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:06,872
We're not quite a couple, but...

93
00:04:06,955 --> 00:04:08,874
Yeah, cool, congrats.
Listen, I need your help.

94
00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:10,208
My girlfriend is crazy.

95
00:04:10,292 --> 00:04:13,378
You say that about every girl
you date. You said that about me.

96
00:04:13,462 --> 00:04:15,022
Calm down, Ann.
You're proving my point.

97
00:04:15,380 --> 00:04:17,007
Seriously,
Mona-Lisa is legit insane.

98
00:04:17,174 --> 00:04:18,842
She almostjumped
out of a moving car

99
00:04:18,925 --> 00:04:22,220
to buy a Nicki Minaj poster.
Can you break up with her for me?

100
00:04:22,387 --> 00:04:24,765
I'm not going to
dump a girl for you.

101
00:04:25,223 --> 00:04:27,452
I'll give you that chenille
blanket of mine you love so much.

102
00:04:27,476 --> 00:04:28,518
Deal. Ugh!

103
00:04:28,685 --> 00:04:29,829
But that's my favorite blankie.

104
00:04:29,853 --> 00:04:31,605
Won't you do it for free? Nope.

105
00:04:31,730 --> 00:04:32,731
Fine.

106
00:04:32,814 --> 00:04:33,815
(Sighs)

107
00:04:35,317 --> 00:04:37,962
Yeah, dead ringer for Courtney Thorne
Smith. She works at the gas station.

108
00:04:37,986 --> 00:04:40,906
Okay, I need to have jamm
fall in love with this place.

109
00:04:40,989 --> 00:04:44,034
So, I'm rolling out the red
carpet. I need you to stay upbeat,

110
00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:45,952
keep things light. Absolutely.

111
00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:47,746
I can be a sort of...

112
00:04:47,954 --> 00:04:49,372
Conversational lubricant.

113
00:04:49,581 --> 00:04:52,250
Yeah, there's probably a less
gross way to say it. But, sure.

114
00:04:52,417 --> 00:04:53,543
Chris: I love being a caddy.

115
00:04:53,919 --> 00:04:56,963
(Laughs) It's so much more
than just carrying clubs.

116
00:04:57,214 --> 00:04:59,716
It's about offering
positive reinforcement.

117
00:05:00,050 --> 00:05:02,928
I consider myself a caddy
to everyone in my life.

118
00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:05,847
Nice shot!

119
00:05:05,931 --> 00:05:07,224
Great sweeping.

120
00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:09,059
Way to be, duck.

121
00:05:10,602 --> 00:05:12,062
Councilman, nice putter.

122
00:05:12,229 --> 00:05:13,980
Oh, thank you very much.

123
00:05:14,064 --> 00:05:16,274
Some fat Hawaiian guy
left it in my waiting room.

124
00:05:16,399 --> 00:05:18,026
When he came back,
I was all like,

125
00:05:18,109 --> 00:05:21,738
"oh, uh, yeah. Yeah, I haven't
seen it. I don't know." (Laughs)

126
00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:23,240
Classic. (Laughs)

127
00:05:23,406 --> 00:05:24,950
What a great and funny story.

128
00:05:25,033 --> 00:05:27,285
Okay. Before we start,
anybody want a hot dog?

129
00:05:27,369 --> 00:05:30,872
Hot dogs? You know I have
irritable bowel syndrome, you racist.

130
00:05:30,956 --> 00:05:33,917
Yikes. Okay.
How about a snow cone? On me.

131
00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:35,043
Hello, councilman.

132
00:05:35,126 --> 00:05:38,004
Chris. Leslie. Snow cone lady.

133
00:05:38,088 --> 00:05:42,050
I see you're about to play a round
of publicly-subsidized mini-golf.

134
00:05:42,342 --> 00:05:43,677
Mind if I join you?

135
00:05:45,470 --> 00:05:48,640
Well, hello, burly. Chang.

136
00:05:48,723 --> 00:05:49,724
Hey, man. What's up?

137
00:05:49,808 --> 00:05:51,643
I was just over at the bar,

138
00:05:51,726 --> 00:05:53,526
enjoying a wonderful night
with my co-workers,

139
00:05:53,562 --> 00:05:54,914
who all talked about
how awesome I was.

140
00:05:54,938 --> 00:05:55,998
And I look up,
and what do I see?

141
00:05:56,022 --> 00:05:58,817
A band. But you're missing
something. Like, oh, I don't know,

142
00:05:58,900 --> 00:06:03,488
your lead singer/songwriter/
tee-shirt designer/nacho chef.

143
00:06:03,572 --> 00:06:04,573
What's up?

144
00:06:04,656 --> 00:06:06,176
First of all,
your nachos are terrible.

145
00:06:06,241 --> 00:06:07,951
No one's had
the guts to tell you.

146
00:06:08,034 --> 00:06:09,452
Why don't you melt the cheese?

147
00:06:10,036 --> 00:06:12,205
(Scoffs) We tried to tell
you about the show, man.

148
00:06:12,289 --> 00:06:13,999
I called your cell,
like, 20 times.

149
00:06:14,082 --> 00:06:17,878
Well, I dropped my cell phone in a
bowl of cereal last week, you idiot.

150
00:06:17,961 --> 00:06:20,255
You bother to call me,
you'd have known that.

151
00:06:20,338 --> 00:06:24,134
Maybe you should change your
name to burly and the backstabbers.

152
00:06:24,885 --> 00:06:26,070
That's a pretty
good name, actually.

153
00:06:26,094 --> 00:06:28,513
Yeah, he's really good
at coming up with names.

154
00:06:29,055 --> 00:06:30,974
Get me a budweiser black crown.

155
00:06:31,057 --> 00:06:33,768
You guys got black crown here?
If not, you should.

156
00:06:33,852 --> 00:06:35,079
Ron, are you going
to be joining us?

157
00:06:35,103 --> 00:06:36,563
I won't be playing.

158
00:06:36,646 --> 00:06:38,732
I'm simply here to
remind councilman jamm

159
00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:40,984
that this ridiculous play palace

160
00:06:41,067 --> 00:06:43,570
costs the taxpayers
thousands of dollars a year.

161
00:06:43,695 --> 00:06:46,990
What a bargain. I mean,
kids love it, adults love it,

162
00:06:47,073 --> 00:06:48,491
jamm loves it.
Everybody loves it.

163
00:06:48,617 --> 00:06:50,410
It's, like,
the toy story 3 of places.

164
00:06:50,619 --> 00:06:52,913
Yeah, she's right, Swanson.
Idoloveit

165
00:06:52,996 --> 00:06:56,416
you should relax a little. Have a
snow cone. Leslie's buying all night.

166
00:06:56,541 --> 00:06:58,710
You don't say.
She's buying you snow cones,

167
00:06:58,877 --> 00:07:01,087
and tomorrow,
you're voting on an issue

168
00:07:01,171 --> 00:07:02,172
that she cares about.

169
00:07:02,339 --> 00:07:04,358
Hey. Guys. What, are we
going to stand around all day

170
00:07:04,382 --> 00:07:08,011
and listen to Ron spout off
unrelated facts about... (Mumbles)

171
00:07:08,094 --> 00:07:09,930
Or are we going to play?
Game on.

172
00:07:10,096 --> 00:07:13,725
Hey, everybody. Great news.
They gave us free mylar balloons.

173
00:07:13,975 --> 00:07:15,936
I got dibs on the dinosaur.

174
00:07:16,019 --> 00:07:18,063
And the pirate and the
dolphin. I want all of them.

175
00:07:18,146 --> 00:07:19,898
You got them. Sweet.

176
00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:25,320
The councilman is away.
Good luck to you both.

177
00:07:25,487 --> 00:07:28,156
Luck has nothing to
do with it, Chris.

178
00:07:30,241 --> 00:07:31,576
Yeah, I can be a pro.

179
00:07:31,660 --> 00:07:34,537
Wow, you are on fire, Jeremy.
Having fun?

180
00:07:34,621 --> 00:07:37,999
Mmm-hmm. I think this proves
that this is a wonderful place

181
00:07:38,083 --> 00:07:39,876
that brings joy
to people's lives

182
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:41,962
and brings
the community together.

183
00:07:42,045 --> 00:07:46,800
It's also a place that costs the
taxpayer $9,000 in annual subsidies.

184
00:07:46,883 --> 00:07:48,093
(Blows raspberry)

185
00:07:48,176 --> 00:07:49,678
You guys sound like school.

186
00:07:49,970 --> 00:07:52,013
I have two important pieces
of caddy information.

187
00:07:52,097 --> 00:07:53,974
Councilman jamm
leads by eight strokes.

188
00:07:54,057 --> 00:07:56,810
And you are both about
to set a course record.

189
00:07:56,977 --> 00:07:59,062
For friendship.
On to the next hole.

190
00:08:00,397 --> 00:08:02,732
You are pandering to get a vote.

191
00:08:02,816 --> 00:08:04,401
And worse,
you're deliberately losing.

192
00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:07,070
I am not deliberately losing.
I'm having a very off night.

193
00:08:07,153 --> 00:08:09,364
Losing on purpose
is a form of lying.

194
00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:11,700
You're only as
good as your word.

195
00:08:11,783 --> 00:08:14,911
You want a word, Ron?
I have a word for you.

196
00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:17,038
I will do anything I can
to get jamm's vote

197
00:08:17,122 --> 00:08:18,562
so that he will
keep this course open

198
00:08:18,665 --> 00:08:19,892
and itwill be good
for the community.

199
00:08:19,916 --> 00:08:22,252
Stop. I know it's more
than one word. Shut up.

200
00:08:23,753 --> 00:08:25,630
(Playing rock music)

201
00:08:25,714 --> 00:08:30,093
Hi. Mona-Lisa? Hi. I'm Ann
Perkins. I used to date Tom.

202
00:08:30,218 --> 00:08:33,013
Oh, okay. We can do this.
But I will bite you.

203
00:08:33,096 --> 00:08:36,182
Is that a screwdriver? No,
I do not want to fight. No.

204
00:08:36,266 --> 00:08:37,684
Okay.

205
00:08:37,851 --> 00:08:39,078
I just want to talk
to you woman to woman.

206
00:08:39,102 --> 00:08:41,646
Because I know Tom pretty well.

207
00:08:41,771 --> 00:08:42,814
Do you know his atm pin?

208
00:08:42,897 --> 00:08:44,625
Because I cannot crack
that little bitch's code.

209
00:08:44,649 --> 00:08:45,650
(Bothlaugh)

210
00:08:45,817 --> 00:08:48,611
I don't. You know what
used to drive me nuts?

211
00:08:48,695 --> 00:08:50,030
He is a total control freak.

212
00:08:50,113 --> 00:08:52,073
I mean, you have to
put a coaster down

213
00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:54,200
on every surface.
And the worst part is,

214
00:08:54,284 --> 00:08:57,078
they're all made out of
pictures from diddy's Instagram.

215
00:08:57,162 --> 00:08:59,831
Diddy's on Instagram?
How did I not know

216
00:08:59,914 --> 00:09:02,834
that diddy was on Instagram,
you jagweeds?

217
00:09:02,917 --> 00:09:03,918
Who are you yelling at?

218
00:09:04,002 --> 00:09:05,211
The jagweeds.

219
00:09:05,295 --> 00:09:07,297
Why are you
still in front of me?

220
00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:12,886
I'm done with that band. I mean,
I'm an adult now. You know?

221
00:09:12,969 --> 00:09:15,638
I work two part-time jobs.
Hello.

222
00:09:15,722 --> 00:09:17,432
I don't need the stress
of playing guitar

223
00:09:17,599 --> 00:09:19,350
with my friends every few weeks.

224
00:09:19,434 --> 00:09:23,897
Yeah. Plus, look how bad they
are without you. Burly is terrible.

225
00:09:23,980 --> 00:09:27,275
He actually has a really beautiful
voice. For a backup singer.

226
00:09:27,734 --> 00:09:29,069
Right. That's what I meant.

227
00:09:29,152 --> 00:09:33,073
I love Andy, but to be perfectly honest,
mouse rat's music is not my thing.

228
00:09:33,239 --> 00:09:35,700
I really only listen to,
like, German death reggae

229
00:09:35,992 --> 00:09:38,912
and Halloween sound
effects records from the 1950s.

230
00:09:38,995 --> 00:09:41,206
And Bette midler, obviously.

231
00:09:41,289 --> 00:09:43,208
You know what?
I'm retiring from music.

232
00:09:43,291 --> 00:09:44,834
Andy. Andy.

233
00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:50,006
Done. But not without, first,
a monster farewell performance

234
00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:52,759
solo on this stage tonight.

235
00:09:52,884 --> 00:09:55,684
Everybody, I'm going to show these
idiots what a big mistake they made.

236
00:09:55,804 --> 00:09:57,073
I need a piece of paper,
I need a pen,

237
00:09:57,097 --> 00:09:59,557
I need four more beers,
I need a computer fan,

238
00:09:59,724 --> 00:10:02,393
I need a lightning bolt of
inspiration. It's songwriting time.

239
00:10:02,477 --> 00:10:04,395
What do you need
a computer fan for?

240
00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:07,774
Sometimes, when you use
a computer, it gets hot.

241
00:10:07,857 --> 00:10:09,109
And the fan cools it down.

242
00:10:11,986 --> 00:10:13,746
You know, I think it's
great that you're cool

243
00:10:13,780 --> 00:10:15,156
with Tom's financial situation.

244
00:10:15,240 --> 00:10:18,785
What are you talking about? Tommy
owns his own business. (Laughs)

245
00:10:18,868 --> 00:10:21,955
Yeah, but he had to borrow
a lot of money, and...

246
00:10:22,038 --> 00:10:26,000
When you're not around,
Tom drinks tap water.

247
00:10:26,251 --> 00:10:27,252
What?

248
00:10:27,669 --> 00:10:30,755
Excuse me. You're broke?

249
00:10:30,839 --> 00:10:33,550
Uh, yeah. Super broke.
Are you upset about that?

250
00:10:33,842 --> 00:10:36,427
Mmm, yeah. Because I
don't f with poor-sies.

251
00:10:36,511 --> 00:10:41,141
But thanks to a warning from my
new best friend, I don't have to. Okay?

252
00:10:41,224 --> 00:10:42,976
We're done. You're awesome.

253
00:10:43,059 --> 00:10:45,270
And I don't even usually like
puerto rican chicks.

254
00:10:45,353 --> 00:10:47,647
I'm not... I mean, it
shouldn't matter, but I am...

255
00:10:47,730 --> 00:10:50,150
You're breaking up with me?
Oh, man, that sucks.

256
00:10:50,233 --> 00:10:53,236
That's right.
It's over. Let's go dance.

257
00:10:53,444 --> 00:10:54,571
(Quietly) Help.

258
00:10:57,574 --> 00:10:59,784
Ugh! I cannot catch a break.

259
00:10:59,868 --> 00:11:01,286
You better find
your stroke, knope.

260
00:11:01,369 --> 00:11:03,454
Guys, I'm going to
let Julie go home.

261
00:11:03,538 --> 00:11:05,658
It's getting late, and Jeremy
has eaten all the syrup.

262
00:11:05,957 --> 00:11:07,726
Thank you. It's been an
honor working alongside you.

263
00:11:07,750 --> 00:11:09,627
Thanks. Jamm: Whoa,
whoa, whoa. Hold up.

264
00:11:09,711 --> 00:11:11,212
Snow cones are half the fun.

265
00:11:11,296 --> 00:11:12,839
Yeah. Julie,
could you stay, please?

266
00:11:12,964 --> 00:11:14,883
I have calculus homework. I...

267
00:11:15,049 --> 00:11:16,968
Oh, well, math is
worthless in real life.

268
00:11:17,051 --> 00:11:20,096
I mean, there's an app for
calculating tips. That's all you need.

269
00:11:20,180 --> 00:11:23,016
Math is very important. Especially
for young women. Stay in school.

270
00:11:23,099 --> 00:11:25,518
I've made my point.
Leslie has made hers.

271
00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:28,104
Which way are you voting,
councilman?

272
00:11:28,188 --> 00:11:31,983
Uh, well, I'm kind of still on the
fence about this budget thing.

273
00:11:32,066 --> 00:11:34,027
Butldolove watching you
guys squabble over me.

274
00:11:34,110 --> 00:11:36,070
You sure make a guy
feel like a real lady.

275
00:11:36,529 --> 00:11:37,572
Weird.

276
00:11:37,655 --> 00:11:38,695
All right, how about this?

277
00:11:38,740 --> 00:11:41,451
You two play each other.
Nine holes.

278
00:11:41,534 --> 00:11:42,827
Winner gets my vote.

279
00:11:43,161 --> 00:11:44,495
I'm game. Ron?

280
00:11:44,662 --> 00:11:47,999
An athletic competition where both
parties are competing their hardest

281
00:11:48,082 --> 00:11:51,211
is certainly more honorable
than whatever this charade is.

282
00:11:51,502 --> 00:11:54,839
A sudden death playoff, on the
very course that hangs in the balance.

283
00:11:55,173 --> 00:11:58,635
I could literally faint if I didn't
have impeccable blood pressure.

284
00:11:58,760 --> 00:11:59,761
(Cracks knuckles)

285
00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:03,556
Oh, hey, everybody.
My name is Andy dwyer.

286
00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:06,100
You probably know me
as the artist formerly

287
00:12:06,184 --> 00:12:08,811
known as the lead
singer of mouse rat.

288
00:12:08,895 --> 00:12:13,233
Well, after tonight, you'll only
know me as the former artist

289
00:12:13,316 --> 00:12:15,401
formerly known
as the lead singer

290
00:12:15,568 --> 00:12:17,904
of mouse rat.
I'm retiring from music.

291
00:12:18,154 --> 00:12:20,949
This is my swan song.

292
00:12:24,452 --> 00:12:27,080
(Singing)
Once, there was a golden swan

293
00:12:27,413 --> 00:12:31,668
a swan of a man
now, that swan's name was Andy

294
00:12:31,751 --> 00:12:34,545
and he started
a rock and roll band

295
00:12:34,879 --> 00:12:37,131
he made incredible nachos

296
00:12:37,215 --> 00:12:39,884
that everybody
claimed they loved

297
00:12:39,968 --> 00:12:42,053
and then,
the bandmates dicked him over

298
00:12:42,136 --> 00:12:46,140
with a massive
rock and roll shove

299
00:12:46,224 --> 00:12:50,353
this is my swan song
watch me fly

300
00:12:51,521 --> 00:12:53,481
Tom. What happened to you?

301
00:12:53,564 --> 00:12:56,150
Mona-Lisa happened to me.
She covered me in glitter

302
00:12:56,234 --> 00:12:59,279
and Anna Nicole body spray.
Why do they still even make that?

303
00:12:59,362 --> 00:13:01,173
They don't. She's had
the same bottle for years.

304
00:13:01,197 --> 00:13:02,949
She just mixes in
water and baby oil.

305
00:13:03,074 --> 00:13:04,534
Now, it's your turn to help me.

306
00:13:04,617 --> 00:13:07,245
Okay, you need to break things
off with me and Mona-Lisa.

307
00:13:07,328 --> 00:13:10,206
Uh... Ann, this might be a
battle you need to fight yourself.

308
00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:12,601
I try not to get involved in other
people's personal relationships.

309
00:13:12,625 --> 00:13:14,085
Ah! Don't hurt me!

310
00:13:14,168 --> 00:13:15,545
Get me out of this friendship.

311
00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:19,465
I'm going to find a place where
I can be the beautiful duckling

312
00:13:19,841 --> 00:13:22,010
I always was inside

313
00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:26,055
whoa

314
00:13:26,764 --> 00:13:28,850
whoa

315
00:13:34,439 --> 00:13:38,067
Why is there a gorilla guarding
this gingerbread house?

316
00:13:38,151 --> 00:13:41,171
Because mini golf is awesome. It's
cute and it's fun and it needs to be saved.

317
00:13:41,195 --> 00:13:43,906
Less talk.
More competing for my vote.

318
00:13:46,534 --> 00:13:47,702
(Bell dings)

319
00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:49,495
Wow.

320
00:13:49,579 --> 00:13:54,042
This is it. Ron leads by one. If he
hits the ball into the dragon's mouth,

321
00:13:54,125 --> 00:13:55,126
he gets jamm's vote.

322
00:13:55,251 --> 00:14:00,298
Uh, bean sprouts. Tofu. Uh, Ralph
nader. Ayn rand is a terrible writer.

323
00:14:00,423 --> 00:14:02,759
Don't mess up. Don't mess up.
Don't mess up.

324
00:14:04,927 --> 00:14:05,970
Damn it!

325
00:14:06,054 --> 00:14:09,015
Hole-in-one. Excellentwin,
Ron. Even better loss, Leslie.

326
00:14:09,098 --> 00:14:11,851
Ultimately, we learn the most
about ourselves through the losses.

327
00:14:12,101 --> 00:14:14,812
Swanson, I hate you.
Nothing will change that.

328
00:14:15,063 --> 00:14:17,315
But I respect the hell
out of your short game.

329
00:14:18,066 --> 00:14:19,484
You got my vote, hombre.

330
00:14:20,234 --> 00:14:21,903
Hey, you got
a hole in one on 18,

331
00:14:22,070 --> 00:14:23,738
so I'm supposed
to give you this.

332
00:14:24,113 --> 00:14:26,199
No. He gets the dragon, too?

333
00:14:26,282 --> 00:14:29,410
A fine trophy. I think
I'll keep it in the office.

334
00:14:29,535 --> 00:14:31,204
No, you won't. Here, kid.
Want this? Huh?

335
00:14:31,287 --> 00:14:33,373
Yeah. Take it. Run. Run.

336
00:14:36,667 --> 00:14:38,461
Tom. She's coming. Tom.

337
00:14:38,544 --> 00:14:40,505
Okay. Desperation time.
Follow my lead.

338
00:14:40,588 --> 00:14:43,341
What lead? What do you mean?
What do you... oh!

339
00:14:43,925 --> 00:14:50,014
What the mother f-ing c-ing s-ing
f-ing k-ing f is going on right now?

340
00:14:50,098 --> 00:14:52,558
Sorry, Mona-Lisa. We can't
keep our hands off each other.

341
00:14:52,767 --> 00:14:54,060
That is accurate.

342
00:14:54,143 --> 00:14:56,771
Oh, it's all finally very clear.

343
00:14:56,854 --> 00:14:58,040
All the times
that you were like,

344
00:14:58,064 --> 00:14:59,399
"oh, no, Tom is
no good for you,"

345
00:14:59,482 --> 00:15:02,860
and all the times you tried to
break it off with me? I finally get it.

346
00:15:02,944 --> 00:15:03,986
Mmm-hmm.

347
00:15:04,070 --> 00:15:05,196
You guys want a threesome.

348
00:15:05,279 --> 00:15:08,282
What? No. We do not want
to have a threesome with you.

349
00:15:08,366 --> 00:15:11,994
Well, let's not rush to judgment.
I mean, I say we hear her out.

350
00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:15,206
Gross. Tom, good luck.
You still owe me a blanket.

351
00:15:15,289 --> 00:15:18,376
(Laughing) Whoa! She's
got a screw loose, am I right?

352
00:15:18,459 --> 00:15:21,087
Actually, she's not the one in
my life I would call crazy.

353
00:15:21,170 --> 00:15:22,880
Look, I still don't
think we should date.

354
00:15:22,964 --> 00:15:27,218
Oh, me, neither. I've been single for
an hour now and it's the tits. (Laughs)

355
00:15:27,301 --> 00:15:28,803
I'd still like
to hook up though.

356
00:15:30,847 --> 00:15:33,891
Do you want to have
a threesome with us?

357
00:15:34,100 --> 00:15:35,101
Yeah, okay.

358
00:15:35,309 --> 00:15:36,644
Cool. Sweet.

359
00:15:36,727 --> 00:15:38,447
All right. Yo, what up?
My name's Mona-Lisa.

360
00:15:40,648 --> 00:15:44,235
Well, hello, fellow employees.
Co-workers. I bid you adieu.

361
00:15:44,318 --> 00:15:45,987
Whoa. Fancy Andy.

362
00:15:46,070 --> 00:15:49,073
Oh, me? No. This is
just how I dress now.

363
00:15:49,157 --> 00:15:53,536
Funny, goofball, music Andy
(Blows raspberry) Is gone.

364
00:15:55,204 --> 00:15:57,999
You're left with the professional
remains. I'm an adult now.

365
00:15:58,082 --> 00:15:59,882
I'm going to focus on
business. Which is good.

366
00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:01,794
Give me more time
to play video games.

367
00:16:02,003 --> 00:16:07,008
Babe, youlovethatband.
That I also love so much.

368
00:16:07,383 --> 00:16:09,218
They're important to you.

369
00:16:09,552 --> 00:16:11,762
Come on. Call burly and
ask them to let you back in.

370
00:16:11,846 --> 00:16:13,306
Why, so they can
steal my swan song?

371
00:16:13,389 --> 00:16:15,766
Ha, joke's on them. I forgot it.

372
00:16:16,058 --> 00:16:18,227
No. Business is my life now.

373
00:16:18,811 --> 00:16:20,104
Okay. What's in there?

374
00:16:20,188 --> 00:16:21,647
I don't know. Itslocked.

375
00:16:21,939 --> 00:16:23,441
Yeah. That's my briefcase.

376
00:16:23,524 --> 00:16:24,775
Is it?

377
00:16:26,152 --> 00:16:28,154
Good gravy. Oh, hello, Ron.

378
00:16:28,237 --> 00:16:30,114
I believe you know this gorilla.

379
00:16:30,198 --> 00:16:32,366
It used to bring joy to
hundreds of Pawnee families.

380
00:16:32,450 --> 00:16:34,660
But then, you got rid of
its habitat, so it died.

381
00:16:34,785 --> 00:16:37,121
Your office shall
serve as its monkey tomb.

382
00:16:37,205 --> 00:16:38,414
How much did you pay for this?

383
00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:41,542
Irrelevant. I would pay any amount
of money to properly shame you.

384
00:16:41,626 --> 00:16:44,003
Leslie, you should know by now
that I live my life

385
00:16:44,086 --> 00:16:46,047
according to a certain
set of principles.

386
00:16:46,172 --> 00:16:48,049
And I do not deviate from them.

387
00:16:48,132 --> 00:16:50,968
Right. I mean, god forbid
you're flexible in any way.

388
00:16:51,093 --> 00:16:54,889
You should just stick to your stupid,
rigid, anti-government principles.

389
00:16:54,972 --> 00:16:56,533
But you know what?
Those principles stink.

390
00:16:56,557 --> 00:16:58,226
They're not
the right principles.

391
00:16:58,309 --> 00:17:00,311
You may think so. I do not.

392
00:17:00,645 --> 00:17:04,023
Thank you for my new silverback
friend. I like him very much.

393
00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:08,611
I will call him "$9,000 of
taxpayer money, the gorilla."

394
00:17:08,736 --> 00:17:11,697
That is a terrible...
His name is Mr. Fuzzyface.

395
00:17:13,449 --> 00:17:14,450
(Door slams)

396
00:17:15,993 --> 00:17:19,580
Hey. How did your wild,
dirtbag fantasy night work out?

397
00:17:19,664 --> 00:17:22,708
Well, Mona-Lisa and the random
girl she grabbed after you left

398
00:17:22,792 --> 00:17:24,877
got into a fistfight
in the parking lot.

399
00:17:24,961 --> 00:17:28,130
Eventually, Mona-Lisa threw a cinder
block through the girl's windshield.

400
00:17:28,297 --> 00:17:31,300
She dives in, steals her
purse, doesn't go for the money,

401
00:17:31,384 --> 00:17:33,111
steals all her birth
control pills, and says,

402
00:17:33,135 --> 00:17:34,615
"bitch, you're
going to get pregnant."

403
00:17:34,845 --> 00:17:36,722
She then pretends
those are ecstasy

404
00:17:36,889 --> 00:17:38,766
and sells it to
a bunch of college kids

405
00:17:38,849 --> 00:17:41,143
that are drinking goldschlager
at a gas station.

406
00:17:41,602 --> 00:17:43,104
You have to break up with her.

407
00:17:43,229 --> 00:17:45,606
I tried. Again.
It did not go well.

408
00:17:45,773 --> 00:17:46,774
Did she assault you?

409
00:17:46,857 --> 00:17:49,277
No. This was a sexual injury.

410
00:17:49,360 --> 00:17:50,528
Okay, gross.

411
00:17:50,611 --> 00:17:52,572
Anyway, here's
your chenille blanket.

412
00:17:52,738 --> 00:17:54,699
You earned it.
Thanks for your help.

413
00:17:54,782 --> 00:17:56,742
Tom. Thank you. Ah!

414
00:17:56,826 --> 00:17:58,703
Be nice to chenille O'Neal.
I will.

415
00:17:58,786 --> 00:18:00,204
It needs to be
brushed regularly.

416
00:18:00,371 --> 00:18:02,039
Never use a lint roller.
I'm dead serious.

417
00:18:02,123 --> 00:18:03,958
Okay. And keep it
out of direct sunlight.

418
00:18:04,041 --> 00:18:06,085
If I see this at one picnic...

419
00:18:06,210 --> 00:18:07,854
Okay, you know what?
I don't even want it anymore.

420
00:18:07,878 --> 00:18:10,089
Yes! Thank you!

421
00:18:10,423 --> 00:18:11,465
(Knock on door)

422
00:18:11,549 --> 00:18:12,883
What's up, yellow head?

423
00:18:12,967 --> 00:18:14,635
Jamm. Are you here
to rub it in my face

424
00:18:14,802 --> 00:18:16,512
that I lost your
vote last night?

425
00:18:16,596 --> 00:18:19,765
Well, I was. But it doesn't
have to go down that way.

426
00:18:21,767 --> 00:18:23,407
You shook Ron's hand
and told him that you

427
00:18:23,519 --> 00:18:25,146
are going to vote to
close the putt-putt.

428
00:18:25,229 --> 00:18:26,814
My word is garbage.

429
00:18:27,023 --> 00:18:29,150
Everyone knows that.
Let's talk a deal.

430
00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:32,945
What can you offer
me to change my mind?

431
00:18:33,029 --> 00:18:36,198
Wow, jamm. Even for
you, this is pretty sleazy.

432
00:18:36,324 --> 00:18:38,868
Hey, don't act so shocked.
A few months ago,

433
00:18:38,951 --> 00:18:41,787
you traded me your office for
that stupid swimming pool bill.

434
00:18:41,871 --> 00:18:46,125
Last night, you bring in a teenage
girl to pump me full of snow cones.

435
00:18:47,168 --> 00:18:49,253
This is simply how
people like us operate.

436
00:18:51,589 --> 00:18:53,215
I have six things to say to you.

437
00:18:53,299 --> 00:18:56,218
One, you drive me nuts
with your rigid code of honor.

438
00:18:56,302 --> 00:18:58,679
Two, congratulations.
Putt-putt has been defunded,

439
00:18:58,763 --> 00:19:01,015
and only because jamm
was going to double-cross you

440
00:19:01,098 --> 00:19:02,767
and I made him
stick to his word.

441
00:19:02,850 --> 00:19:05,686
Three, I am furious that
putt-putt has been defunded.

442
00:19:05,811 --> 00:19:08,373
Four, I am sorry that I said the
gorilla's blood was on your hands.

443
00:19:08,397 --> 00:19:09,899
'Twas Leslie killed the beast.

444
00:19:10,149 --> 00:19:12,485
Five, putt-putt is for children
and they are the future

445
00:19:12,568 --> 00:19:14,171
and I have already
written a ballot measure

446
00:19:14,195 --> 00:19:15,505
that will save it
and itwill pass.

447
00:19:15,529 --> 00:19:19,325
And six, your rigid code of
honor, which drives me nuts,

448
00:19:19,408 --> 00:19:20,743
makes you
a wonderful human being

449
00:19:20,910 --> 00:19:22,304
and I am proud to
call you my friend

450
00:19:22,328 --> 00:19:23,579
and don't ever change.

451
00:19:24,038 --> 00:19:25,039
You want a drink?

452
00:19:25,122 --> 00:19:26,123
Very much.

453
00:19:30,127 --> 00:19:32,880
Burly. I just want
to say I'm sorry.

454
00:19:32,963 --> 00:19:34,507
Thatlhavent been to rehearsal,

455
00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:36,360
and that I won't let
you sing or write songs

456
00:19:36,384 --> 00:19:38,052
or walk out on
stage in front of me.

457
00:19:38,135 --> 00:19:40,221
I love playing with you guys

458
00:19:40,304 --> 00:19:42,223
and I want back in.
If you'll let me.

459
00:19:42,306 --> 00:19:43,786
Well, we never wanted
to kick you out.

460
00:19:43,849 --> 00:19:46,078
It's just, you didn't show up
for practice, and we like to play.

461
00:19:46,102 --> 00:19:47,228
Right.

462
00:19:47,395 --> 00:19:48,835
If you want to
come back in, you can.

463
00:19:48,896 --> 00:19:50,523
I'm more of
a backup singer, anyways.

464
00:19:50,606 --> 00:19:51,816
You can say that again.

465
00:19:51,899 --> 00:19:53,693
No, hey.
You've got a great voice.

466
00:19:53,776 --> 00:19:55,986
Yeah, Ben. God. Don't say that.

467
00:19:56,070 --> 00:19:57,905
Welcome back, buddy. Yes.

468
00:19:57,988 --> 00:19:59,990
(Laughs) All right.

469
00:20:00,157 --> 00:20:01,968
Hey, I'll even try melting
the cheese on the nachos.

470
00:20:01,992 --> 00:20:03,077
All right.

471
00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:05,320
It won't work. You're going
to look like such an idiot.

472
00:20:06,580 --> 00:20:08,624
I have been in the city
council for almost a year.

473
00:20:08,708 --> 00:20:10,084
And I'm proud of what I've done.

474
00:20:10,209 --> 00:20:13,629
But every once in a while, I end up in a
situation that makes my stomach queasy.

475
00:20:13,713 --> 00:20:16,006
You're in politics.
What did you expect?

476
00:20:16,090 --> 00:20:18,026
Frankly, I hoped itwould
be like dealing with you.

477
00:20:18,050 --> 00:20:22,138
People with strong opinions
hashing it out respectfully.

478
00:20:22,304 --> 00:20:24,640
And then, you either
realize that I'm right

479
00:20:24,765 --> 00:20:26,684
or you get hungry
and go home and I win.

480
00:20:26,809 --> 00:20:30,896
There are a lot of Jeremy jamms
along the path you're walking.

481
00:20:30,980 --> 00:20:33,649
I suppose you just need to
figure out whether that's a path

482
00:20:33,733 --> 00:20:35,151
you truly want to walk.

483
00:20:35,234 --> 00:20:36,360
Yeah.

484
00:20:38,154 --> 00:20:39,756
I'm taking that gorilla
with me and putting it

485
00:20:39,780 --> 00:20:41,300
back in the putt-putt
when it re-opens.

486
00:20:41,365 --> 00:20:43,033
Sorry, no.

487
00:20:43,409 --> 00:20:45,536
That gorilla was
a gift from a very

488
00:20:45,703 --> 00:20:47,872
determined coworker
whom I respect.

489
00:20:47,997 --> 00:20:51,417
And there's a certain code of
honor that accompanies gift-giving.

490
00:20:51,542 --> 00:20:53,377
God, you're the worst.

491
00:20:56,213 --> 00:20:59,216
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome
to mouse rat's reunion show.

492
00:20:59,300 --> 00:21:04,096
Featuring me, Andy dwyer, and, for
the first time, Andrew "burly" burlenson

493
00:21:04,180 --> 00:21:07,600
on lead vocals. That's right.
Two lead vocalists.

494
00:21:07,683 --> 00:21:10,269
Name one other
band that's done that.

495
00:21:10,352 --> 00:21:11,854
The Beatles!

496
00:21:13,230 --> 00:21:14,732
Three, four!

497
00:21:18,569 --> 00:21:21,489
(Singing) Well, lknow
we had bad times

498
00:21:22,198 --> 00:21:25,534
but we had good times, too