1
00:00:02,294 --> 00:00:04,054
Leslie: Okay, everyone.
Look in your folders.

2
00:00:04,087 --> 00:00:06,173
You will find information
about founder's week.

3
00:00:06,256 --> 00:00:07,799
And before we
start brainstorming,

4
00:00:07,883 --> 00:00:10,010
I just wanna thank Ron
for lending us his cabin.

5
00:00:10,302 --> 00:00:11,386
Lending?

6
00:00:11,637 --> 00:00:13,239
Makes it sound like
I had a choice in the matter.

7
00:00:13,263 --> 00:00:14,848
I never should've agreed to this

8
00:00:14,973 --> 00:00:16,558
or let you know
that I have a cabin

9
00:00:16,642 --> 00:00:18,435
or gotten to know any of you.

10
00:00:18,519 --> 00:00:19,603
That's the spirit.

11
00:00:19,686 --> 00:00:22,731
Founder's week is a yearly
celebration of all things Pawnee.

12
00:00:22,814 --> 00:00:25,609
We've got a pie-eating
contest, a giant petting zoo,

13
00:00:25,692 --> 00:00:29,029
and the grand-daddy of them
all, the founder's week parade.

14
00:00:29,112 --> 00:00:30,197
I don't wanna over-hype it,

15
00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:32,950
but our parade makes
the Rose bowl parade

16
00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:34,701
iookae
a turds-on-wheels convention.

17
00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:36,036
Let's do an exercise.

18
00:00:36,119 --> 00:00:38,455
April, what makes Pawnee
the best city in the world?

19
00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:41,041
Easy. Most murders per capita.

20
00:00:41,124 --> 00:00:43,126
The guillotine
was invented here.

21
00:00:43,210 --> 00:00:45,170
City hall is run
by the walrus mafia.

22
00:00:45,254 --> 00:00:48,131
Donna, help me out.
What makes Pawnee so great?

23
00:00:48,215 --> 00:00:49,258
Cost of living is cheap.

24
00:00:49,341 --> 00:00:51,027
In about three years,
I will have saved enough

25
00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:52,886
to pay off my condo in Seattle.

26
00:00:53,095 --> 00:00:54,721
You have a condo in Seattle?

27
00:00:54,805 --> 00:00:56,598
Yes, I like the rain
and the fish markets.

28
00:00:56,765 --> 00:00:58,058
Leslie: Guys, we need to focus.

29
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I want this to be the best
founder's week ever, okay?

30
00:01:00,602 --> 00:01:02,396
No more distractions.

31
00:01:02,479 --> 00:01:04,273
I'm bored.

32
00:01:04,356 --> 00:01:07,609
Let's go have sex in a tree.
He'll be back in eight minutes.

33
00:01:07,734 --> 00:01:09,444
Why did you have
to bring her here?

34
00:01:09,528 --> 00:01:11,172
I don't really have any
power in this relationship.

35
00:01:11,196 --> 00:01:12,906
I'll think of ideas in the tree.

36
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Mona-Lisa: Anyone's welcome
to join us in the tree!

37
00:01:35,887 --> 00:01:37,222
Really?

38
00:01:38,307 --> 00:01:41,226
Okay. Thank you. Bye.

39
00:01:42,644 --> 00:01:43,812
You okay?

40
00:01:44,980 --> 00:01:45,981
Yeah, I'm fine.

41
00:01:46,064 --> 00:01:49,776
Good morning, colleagues,
co-workers, friends.

42
00:01:49,860 --> 00:01:52,988
Everyone feeling normal...
Today?

43
00:01:53,155 --> 00:01:55,741
Andy: Here's what happened. I
left my sweatshirt at Ron's cabin.

44
00:01:55,866 --> 00:01:59,578
When I went back to get it,
I found this in the trash,

45
00:01:59,661 --> 00:02:01,288
positive pregnancy test.

46
00:02:01,997 --> 00:02:04,082
Side note, I accidentally
threw my sweatshirt away.

47
00:02:04,166 --> 00:02:05,768
That's why! Was
digging through the trash.

48
00:02:05,792 --> 00:02:07,210
Found that, too. Pretty cool.

49
00:02:07,419 --> 00:02:09,254
So if my science is correct,

50
00:02:09,338 --> 00:02:12,549
one of the five women
who were at the cabin...

51
00:02:12,633 --> 00:02:17,179
Leslie, Donna,
Ann, Mona-Lisa, orapril...

52
00:02:17,262 --> 00:02:19,973
Is pregnant! Can't be April.

53
00:02:20,515 --> 00:02:23,810
She would've told me.
That leaves four suspects.

54
00:02:24,561 --> 00:02:26,813
There's only one
man for this job,

55
00:02:26,897 --> 00:02:29,858
Bert macklin, FBI.

56
00:02:29,941 --> 00:02:31,401
They said I was retired.

57
00:02:31,485 --> 00:02:34,237
They said I was too dangerous
for the Pawnee police department.

58
00:02:34,404 --> 00:02:35,697
Turns out they were right...

59
00:02:36,031 --> 00:02:37,491
And wrong.

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00:02:37,658 --> 00:02:40,952
Macklin, you son of a bitch.

61
00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:44,998
Hello, fellow pawneeans.
As you know,

62
00:02:45,082 --> 00:02:46,934
the founder's week festivities
kick off tomorrow.

63
00:02:46,958 --> 00:02:48,251
Um, one small announcement.

64
00:02:48,335 --> 00:02:50,295
Due to a tragic
misunderstanding,

65
00:02:50,379 --> 00:02:52,214
the prettiest pig beauty pageant

66
00:02:52,297 --> 00:02:55,550
has been replaced by a
pork rib barbecue competition.

67
00:02:56,510 --> 00:02:57,511
Oh, no.

68
00:02:57,594 --> 00:03:00,514
But on to less grisly news,
thank you for participating

69
00:03:00,597 --> 00:03:02,808
in our special
founder's week public forum

70
00:03:02,933 --> 00:03:05,102
led by
councilwoman Leslie knope.

71
00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:06,853
(Crowd applauding)

72
00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:10,649
Leslie: Thanks to a lot of hard work
and some very dedicated civil servants,

73
00:03:10,732 --> 00:03:13,318
this has been
a banner year for our city.

74
00:03:13,402 --> 00:03:15,862
Obesity and diabetes are down.

75
00:03:15,946 --> 00:03:19,116
Test scores are up. Pawnee
raccoon attacks have decreased.

76
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People can now
suddenly feel safe

77
00:03:21,118 --> 00:03:22,869
in our parks, grocery stores,
and hospitals.

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I am very proud of
what we've accomplished.

79
00:03:25,372 --> 00:03:29,376
In fact, this forum is
kind of my victory lap.

80
00:03:29,876 --> 00:03:32,254
I am here today to
ask you one question.

81
00:03:32,504 --> 00:03:36,425
Are you better off now
than you were a year ago?

82
00:03:36,675 --> 00:03:38,051
Who'd like to start? Uh-oh.

83
00:03:38,385 --> 00:03:41,388
Kathryn pinewood,
Pawnee restaurant association.

84
00:03:41,888 --> 00:03:43,432
This town is not better off.

85
00:03:43,515 --> 00:03:45,434
This past year
has been a disaster,

86
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and this government is hell-bent

87
00:03:47,561 --> 00:03:51,273
on stripping away our most
basic personal freedoms.

88
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Okay, counterpoint.

89
00:03:52,774 --> 00:03:55,861
Ms. Pinewood, I've never
stripped away anyone's freedoms.

90
00:03:55,944 --> 00:03:57,654
I simply stopped a restaurant

91
00:03:57,738 --> 00:04:01,742
from serving an insane
500-ounce soda to its customers,

92
00:04:01,908 --> 00:04:03,577
which only made our
citizens healthier.

93
00:04:03,660 --> 00:04:07,330
And frankly, I don't see any of those
citizens standing up and complaining...

94
00:04:07,414 --> 00:04:09,166
(Audience murmuring)

95
00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:10,584
Okay. Now, isee them.

96
00:04:11,710 --> 00:04:13,712
Whoa, Darren! Slow down!

97
00:04:13,795 --> 00:04:16,475
That sweat suit's not for sweating
in, okay? This is crushed velvet.

98
00:04:16,548 --> 00:04:18,735
If you go at more than a
brisk walk, it will fall apart.

99
00:04:18,759 --> 00:04:21,178
This looks dope.
Let's pay for it.

100
00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:22,971
Tom: Business is booming.

101
00:04:23,138 --> 00:04:25,199
If it keeps up like this, I would
leave the parks department

102
00:04:25,223 --> 00:04:28,143
and do rent a swag full-time,
maybe even expand.

103
00:04:28,226 --> 00:04:30,771
I could add a baby section
over there, call it li'i swaggers.

104
00:04:30,854 --> 00:04:33,106
I could add some old people
stuff, call it rent a sag.

105
00:04:33,190 --> 00:04:35,233
Ugh, no. Old people are gross.

106
00:04:35,984 --> 00:04:37,486
Oh, nice.

107
00:04:37,569 --> 00:04:39,905
Hey, dingdong! Can I go home?

108
00:04:39,988 --> 00:04:43,867
My tum-tum feels gross,
and also, I hate working.

109
00:04:44,367 --> 00:04:46,787
I guess, but find someone
to cover for you, okay?

110
00:04:46,870 --> 00:04:48,914
'Cause we're really
busy right now. (Laughs)

111
00:04:48,997 --> 00:04:51,374
Also, a lawyer guy called you.

112
00:04:51,458 --> 00:04:55,879
He sounded really sexy on the
phone, and I was very into that.

113
00:04:55,962 --> 00:04:58,173
Like, I was, like,
very into that.

114
00:04:58,256 --> 00:04:59,776
All right, let's set
up some boundaries

115
00:04:59,883 --> 00:05:01,402
on what's cool for
you to say to me, okay?

116
00:05:01,426 --> 00:05:02,928
Okay. Ifrenched
my cousin one time.

117
00:05:03,053 --> 00:05:04,513
That's gross.

118
00:05:04,596 --> 00:05:05,972
I might still be
in love with him.

119
00:05:06,056 --> 00:05:07,057
Please leave.

120
00:05:07,182 --> 00:05:08,183
All right, bye.

121
00:05:10,268 --> 00:05:12,062
Tom Haverford,
my name is Trevor Nelsson.

122
00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:15,106
I represent a client who would
like to make you an offer.

123
00:05:15,190 --> 00:05:18,151
Babyface heard my demo?
I will accept a record deal.

124
00:05:18,485 --> 00:05:20,403
No, you deeply misunderstand.

125
00:05:20,487 --> 00:05:22,906
My client has taken an
interest in rent a swag.

126
00:05:22,989 --> 00:05:25,116
He'd like to know
if you are looking

127
00:05:25,242 --> 00:05:27,410
whoa. To sell a controlling
interest in the store.

128
00:05:27,494 --> 00:05:29,412
Diddy wants to buy rent a swag?

129
00:05:29,496 --> 00:05:30,580
Not what I said.

130
00:05:30,705 --> 00:05:31,832
This is a lot to process.

131
00:05:31,915 --> 00:05:34,543
Will diddy be
coming to the meeting?

132
00:05:34,668 --> 00:05:36,795
I'm not at Liberty to
tell you who my client is.

133
00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:39,005
It would violate
confidentiality.

134
00:05:39,089 --> 00:05:40,257
I understand.

135
00:05:40,382 --> 00:05:41,550
It's not diddy.

136
00:05:41,633 --> 00:05:42,843
Got it.

137
00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:48,181
(Knock on window)

138
00:05:52,102 --> 00:05:54,229
Oh. Hello, Ann.

139
00:05:54,312 --> 00:05:56,189
Oh, boy.
What do you want, macklin?

140
00:05:56,273 --> 00:05:58,483
Me? Just observing.

141
00:05:58,567 --> 00:06:00,694
A little something
theytaughtus down at Quantico.

142
00:06:00,777 --> 00:06:02,946
Well, I guess I'll
get out of your hair.

143
00:06:03,029 --> 00:06:05,240
Wait, there is just
one more question.

144
00:06:05,448 --> 00:06:06,575
Congratulations.

145
00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:07,826
Is that a question?

146
00:06:07,909 --> 00:06:10,161
It's an accusation,
'cause I know your secret.

147
00:06:11,121 --> 00:06:12,247
You're pregnant.

148
00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:13,540
What? I'm not pregnant.

149
00:06:13,665 --> 00:06:17,210
You're not? Damn it. Who is? 'Cause
I found this at Ron Swanson's cabin.

150
00:06:17,294 --> 00:06:18,712
It's a pregnancy test.
Oh, my god.

151
00:06:18,795 --> 00:06:22,215
Someone we know is pregnant? I'm
trying to get pregnant. That's not fair.

152
00:06:22,299 --> 00:06:24,634
I mean, great,
and happy for them,

153
00:06:24,759 --> 00:06:27,137
and congratulations, whatever,
but, ooh, no! Boo!

154
00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:28,406
We have to find out who this is.

155
00:06:28,430 --> 00:06:31,600
Whoa, I don't think so.
Bert macklin works alone.

156
00:06:31,683 --> 00:06:34,003
I will buy lunch. You can have
as many burgers as you want.

157
00:06:34,060 --> 00:06:35,478
Welcome to the FBI.

158
00:06:37,063 --> 00:06:40,483
Ms. Pinewood, Leslie's public health
initiative has been a huge success.

159
00:06:40,567 --> 00:06:42,986
Pawnee is no longer the fourth
most obese city in america.

160
00:06:43,069 --> 00:06:44,321
We're now ninth.

161
00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:45,464
Chris: Together, as a town,

162
00:06:45,488 --> 00:06:48,658
we lost an amount of weight
equal to 800 pregnant manatees.

163
00:06:48,742 --> 00:06:51,077
A gym opened,
and it stayed in business.

164
00:06:51,202 --> 00:06:53,038
And people checking into the er

165
00:06:53,121 --> 00:06:55,999
after ingesting a whole
candy wrapper is down 40%.

166
00:06:56,082 --> 00:06:57,500
But where will it end?

167
00:06:57,584 --> 00:06:59,502
Now, you wanna Rob
our children of fun

168
00:06:59,586 --> 00:07:02,255
by attacking the sweetums
school lunch program,

169
00:07:02,380 --> 00:07:04,507
literally taking
candy from babies.

170
00:07:04,591 --> 00:07:06,718
Those school lunches
are incredibly unhealthy.

171
00:07:06,801 --> 00:07:10,180
You somehow convinced the school
board that napkins are a vegetable.

172
00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:11,640
They're made from plants.

173
00:07:11,765 --> 00:07:14,434
Stop restricting our freedoms.

174
00:07:14,559 --> 00:07:15,602
Woman: Yeah!

175
00:07:15,685 --> 00:07:16,937
(Audience agreeing)

176
00:07:20,148 --> 00:07:22,400
My name is Dewey
from sanitation.

177
00:07:22,484 --> 00:07:25,779
Ever since you stripped us of our
freedoms by making us hire women,

178
00:07:25,862 --> 00:07:29,074
we've had to turn one of our
bathrooms into a woman's bathroom.

179
00:07:29,157 --> 00:07:30,617
We only have one bathroom now.

180
00:07:30,700 --> 00:07:31,785
I'm so sorry, Dewey.

181
00:07:31,868 --> 00:07:33,870
That sounds like
a horrible price to pay

182
00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:35,872
for something as
trivial as gender equality.

183
00:07:35,997 --> 00:07:37,248
So you agree.

184
00:07:37,332 --> 00:07:39,709
Bjorn lerpiss of
the Pawnee lerpiss family.

185
00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:43,088
There was supposed to be a paunch
burger in this lot next to my house.

186
00:07:43,171 --> 00:07:45,274
And then, you stripped my
freedom by putting a park there.

187
00:07:45,298 --> 00:07:46,716
Now, if I wanna start my day off

188
00:07:46,841 --> 00:07:48,402
with a triple-Decker
pancake breakfast pizza,

189
00:07:48,426 --> 00:07:49,862
I gotta go to the one
that's 10 minutes away,

190
00:07:49,886 --> 00:07:51,822
and that makes me 20 minutes
late to work every day.

191
00:07:51,846 --> 00:07:52,931
I work at home.

192
00:07:53,014 --> 00:07:54,867
Have you ever considered
not eating that for breakfast?

193
00:07:54,891 --> 00:07:56,726
I'll never consider that.

194
00:07:56,851 --> 00:07:59,229
This feels strangely personal.

195
00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:01,439
Maybe it's because
they're all standing up

196
00:08:01,648 --> 00:08:03,775
saying how much they
hate me as a person.

197
00:08:04,567 --> 00:08:07,112
How many people am
italking to, Donna?

198
00:08:07,195 --> 00:08:09,239
One or one and a ninth?

199
00:08:09,364 --> 00:08:11,199
Are you asking me
if I'm pregnant?

200
00:08:11,282 --> 00:08:13,660
Oh, interesting.

201
00:08:13,743 --> 00:08:17,080
I don't remember saying anything
about anyone being pregnant.

202
00:08:17,205 --> 00:08:19,457
Are you sure it's not you?

203
00:08:19,541 --> 00:08:21,626
I'm a grown woman with a
good head on her shoulders.

204
00:08:21,710 --> 00:08:23,503
Don't worry about me.

205
00:08:23,586 --> 00:08:27,215
Whoo! This case just
got interesting.

206
00:08:27,298 --> 00:08:30,135
Well, not just. Itwas pretty
interesting to begin with.

207
00:08:30,218 --> 00:08:33,888
This case just
remained interesting.

208
00:08:34,681 --> 00:08:36,266
Listen, my wife
and I do not feel

209
00:08:36,391 --> 00:08:38,018
that we're better
off than a year ago

210
00:08:38,101 --> 00:08:41,187
because a year ago, this town
was not a horrifying sex den

211
00:08:41,271 --> 00:08:42,581
where people could
put their body parts

212
00:08:42,605 --> 00:08:43,885
anywhere they
want with impunity.

213
00:08:44,065 --> 00:08:47,652
And then, you were elected. And
now, this town is a horrifying sex den

214
00:08:47,736 --> 00:08:49,195
where people can
put their body parts

215
00:08:49,279 --> 00:08:51,656
anywhere they want
to with impunity. Yeah.

216
00:08:51,740 --> 00:08:53,158
If you are referring to my fight

217
00:08:53,241 --> 00:08:55,994
to teach comprehensive
sex education,

218
00:08:56,077 --> 00:08:58,371
you need to at least
acknowledge the fact

219
00:08:58,455 --> 00:09:00,665
that stds are down
14% from last year.

220
00:09:00,749 --> 00:09:03,460
And deviant behavior in Pawnee
is up a billion percent!

221
00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:04,627
No, it's... no, it's...

222
00:09:04,711 --> 00:09:07,797
This town is going to hell in a
Gucci knock-off handbag, girl.

223
00:09:07,881 --> 00:09:10,216
(Crowd cheering) See? See?

224
00:09:10,300 --> 00:09:11,926
They agree. Come on.

225
00:09:12,177 --> 00:09:14,387
I am definitely better off
than I was a year ago,

226
00:09:14,471 --> 00:09:16,097
and it's all thanks
to Leslie knope.

227
00:09:16,181 --> 00:09:18,683
This woman single-handedly
saved my business.

228
00:09:18,767 --> 00:09:20,894
Thank you, Dennis.
There you go, perfect example.

229
00:09:20,977 --> 00:09:22,413
No need for further
questions on that one.

230
00:09:22,437 --> 00:09:25,190
Oh, I'm sorry.
What is your business, sir?

231
00:09:25,273 --> 00:09:27,108
Oh, I run a pornographic
DVD emporium.

232
00:09:27,275 --> 00:09:30,779
Well, it used to be a quaint,
little movie rental place

233
00:09:30,862 --> 00:09:32,238
with a lot of community value.

234
00:09:32,322 --> 00:09:33,323
Oh, it's much better now.

235
00:09:33,448 --> 00:09:34,449
Man: Yeah!

236
00:09:36,618 --> 00:09:37,786
Leslie is the best.

237
00:09:37,952 --> 00:09:39,162
No, no, Brandi.

238
00:09:39,245 --> 00:09:40,246
Hello, everyone.

239
00:09:40,330 --> 00:09:41,498
I'm Brandi maxxxx...

240
00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:42,791
All: Hi, Brandi.

241
00:09:42,874 --> 00:09:46,127
Star of such films as the
incredible Burt wonderbone,

242
00:09:46,211 --> 00:09:48,880
a good guy to lay hard,
and argo.

243
00:09:49,839 --> 00:09:53,843
I had a small part in argo as
well as the porn version, our goo.

244
00:09:53,927 --> 00:09:56,262
I've seen the first 90
seconds. It's thrilling.

245
00:09:56,346 --> 00:09:57,931
Brandi: If itweren't
for Leslie knope,

246
00:09:58,014 --> 00:10:00,975
there would be far, far less
pornography in this town.

247
00:10:01,059 --> 00:10:03,978
No, what happened was
there was a misunderstanding,

248
00:10:04,062 --> 00:10:06,022
and I accidentally
got the government involved

249
00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:09,192
in an unseemly business, but I
cleared that up, and everything's fine.

250
00:10:09,275 --> 00:10:12,487
It's not like I'm some kind of
sex-crazed maniac or something.

251
00:10:12,570 --> 00:10:14,072
Leslie, are you pregnant?

252
00:10:14,155 --> 00:10:15,532
Did you or did you not leave

253
00:10:15,615 --> 00:10:17,815
this positive pregnancy test
in a dumpster in the woods?

254
00:10:19,410 --> 00:10:20,411
Hey, everybody.

255
00:10:23,248 --> 00:10:24,916
Really?

256
00:10:24,999 --> 00:10:26,960
Okay. Well,
I'll get out of your hair.

257
00:10:27,085 --> 00:10:28,419
Sorry to interrupt.

258
00:10:28,586 --> 00:10:30,226
Andy: (Whispering)
Was that Brandi maxxxx?

259
00:10:31,381 --> 00:10:35,510
Investors, I have some very
exciting news about rent a swag.

260
00:10:35,593 --> 00:10:37,804
Someone, I'm not saying diddy,

261
00:10:37,887 --> 00:10:39,681
but I'm not not saying diddy,

262
00:10:39,764 --> 00:10:43,518
has offered to buy out rent a
swag for a buttload of money.

263
00:10:43,601 --> 00:10:44,978
How big a buttload, son?

264
00:10:45,061 --> 00:10:48,314
We would all basically
double our investments.

265
00:10:48,398 --> 00:10:50,859
Are you kidding me? Sell, baby.

266
00:10:50,942 --> 00:10:52,336
Imagine the kind of
treat-yourself day

267
00:10:52,360 --> 00:10:53,611
we could have with the profits.

268
00:10:53,736 --> 00:10:57,365
I'm talking pedicures
on pedicures on pedicures.

269
00:10:57,448 --> 00:10:58,491
That is appealing.

270
00:10:58,616 --> 00:11:00,296
If someone is interested
in buying you out,

271
00:11:00,451 --> 00:11:02,203
it means you're
doing something right.

272
00:11:02,287 --> 00:11:05,790
I say you continue to grow,
accumulate power, find this investor,

273
00:11:05,874 --> 00:11:08,168
and buy his business
to teach him a lesson.

274
00:11:08,626 --> 00:11:09,627
April, what do you think?

275
00:11:09,711 --> 00:11:10,791
I thought about this a lot.

276
00:11:10,837 --> 00:11:13,673
I actually think that you
should get a hello kitty tattoo.

277
00:11:13,756 --> 00:11:15,300
No, with the store.

278
00:11:15,383 --> 00:11:17,260
Oh, uh, burn it for
the insurance money.

279
00:11:17,468 --> 00:11:19,196
Tom, listen to me, if there's
one thing I've learned...

280
00:11:19,220 --> 00:11:20,763
God, nobody cares, Jerry.
Enough.

281
00:11:20,847 --> 00:11:21,973
Thank you.

282
00:11:22,140 --> 00:11:23,308
I miss you guys.

283
00:11:24,809 --> 00:11:28,188
What a wonderful event.
Everyone is having fun. This is great.

284
00:11:28,313 --> 00:11:30,273
(Sighs) Chris,
could you just please...

285
00:11:30,356 --> 00:11:32,116
I'm sorry, I was just
trying to cheer you up.

286
00:11:32,192 --> 00:11:33,484
Just hang in there. Thanks.

287
00:11:33,568 --> 00:11:36,696
All right, ifyou'll excuse me, I found
out this morning that I am playing

288
00:11:36,779 --> 00:11:39,115
a special role in this parade.

289
00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:40,575
No spoilers.

290
00:11:41,784 --> 00:11:43,494
Honey, I hate
to state the obvious,

291
00:11:43,620 --> 00:11:45,330
but you chose
a life in politics.

292
00:11:45,413 --> 00:11:46,974
I mean, the more you
actually accomplish,

293
00:11:46,998 --> 00:11:48,583
the more heat you're gonna draw.

294
00:11:48,666 --> 00:11:49,751
Yeah, I know.

295
00:11:49,876 --> 00:11:50,960
Let's go watch the parade.

296
00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:52,354
You know you
can't resist a parade.

297
00:11:52,378 --> 00:11:53,588
That's true.

298
00:11:53,671 --> 00:11:55,089
Parades and your butt,

299
00:11:55,173 --> 00:11:56,466
my two vices. There you go.

300
00:11:56,549 --> 00:11:58,092
Whoa. What are you doing?
(Laughs)

301
00:11:58,509 --> 00:12:00,803
My assistant has something
she'd like to show you.

302
00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:01,971
Paflnen

303
00:12:03,014 --> 00:12:05,494
oh, my assistant has something
she'd like to show you, partner.

304
00:12:05,975 --> 00:12:07,644
It's a positive
pregnancy test, Tom.

305
00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:09,007
I found it outside
of Ron's cabin

306
00:12:09,062 --> 00:12:10,331
after our brainstorming session.

307
00:12:10,355 --> 00:12:13,316
Is there any possibility
Mona-Lisa could be pregnant?

308
00:12:13,816 --> 00:12:15,610
We always use protection...

309
00:12:15,693 --> 00:12:18,071
(Sighs) But I'm pretty
positive she pokes holes in them.

310
00:12:18,154 --> 00:12:19,572
What brand pregnancy test is it?

311
00:12:19,656 --> 00:12:21,032
It's called womb there it is.

312
00:12:21,157 --> 00:12:22,533
That's her brand.

313
00:12:23,952 --> 00:12:25,578
I'm gonna be a dad?

314
00:12:25,662 --> 00:12:28,414
I'm gonna have a baby
with Jean-ralphio's sister?

315
00:12:28,498 --> 00:12:31,918
Oh, god. What have I done?
Like, to humanity?

316
00:12:32,418 --> 00:12:34,295
(Band playing upbeat music)

317
00:12:34,379 --> 00:12:36,422
(Crowd cheering)

318
00:12:38,341 --> 00:12:40,843
This is the perfect thing to
take my mind off of yesterday.

319
00:12:40,927 --> 00:12:44,138
I am going to pretend
that this is my victory parade

320
00:12:44,222 --> 00:12:46,367
and the town is celebrating
my hard work and dedication.

321
00:12:46,391 --> 00:12:47,392
There you go. (Laughs)

322
00:12:47,475 --> 00:12:50,019
Leshe, leshe. I'm so
sorry. I need to talk to you.

323
00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:52,730
What are... what?

324
00:12:52,814 --> 00:12:54,023
I'm the nipple king.

325
00:12:54,107 --> 00:12:56,025
Kernston's rubber nipple company

326
00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:57,629
elects a nipple king
and a nipple queen

327
00:12:57,777 --> 00:12:59,237
every year to ride on the float.

328
00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:01,197
Congraunafions, chns. Thank you.

329
00:13:01,281 --> 00:13:02,365
It's such an amazing honor.

330
00:13:02,448 --> 00:13:03,449
It's wonderful.

331
00:13:03,533 --> 00:13:06,160
But I do need to talk to you
about a float that is in this parade,

332
00:13:06,244 --> 00:13:07,429
because I'm not sure
that you're going to be...

333
00:13:07,453 --> 00:13:09,372
Leslie: (On recording)
No fun for you! Uh-oh.

334
00:13:09,455 --> 00:13:10,957
No fun for you!

335
00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:12,875
Leslie: Is that me?

336
00:13:12,959 --> 00:13:14,002
Ben: Maybe it's not you.

337
00:13:14,085 --> 00:13:15,962
Maybe it's Kate upton.
Aw, thank you.

338
00:13:16,045 --> 00:13:18,548
No, it's me, and damn them.
No fun for you!

339
00:13:18,631 --> 00:13:21,759
Hey! Hey, stop, please!

340
00:13:21,843 --> 00:13:23,386
Stop! Excuse me, Pawnee.

341
00:13:23,469 --> 00:13:26,180
I'm sorry, I don't mean to
stop your parade or anything,

342
00:13:26,264 --> 00:13:28,349
but I just have to say
something here, okay?

343
00:13:28,474 --> 00:13:30,059
I don't think this is very fair!

344
00:13:30,184 --> 00:13:31,811
Babe, stop wagging yourfingen

345
00:13:31,894 --> 00:13:33,730
certain people are
lashing out at me

346
00:13:33,855 --> 00:13:35,732
because of things
that I did this year.

347
00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:38,443
But I am not trying to
stop you from having fun.

348
00:13:38,526 --> 00:13:39,944
I am an extremely fun person.

349
00:13:40,028 --> 00:13:46,409
This float represents a group of
over 300 business owners, individuals,

350
00:13:46,492 --> 00:13:51,414
and community leaders who are
protesting unfair government regulation.

351
00:13:51,497 --> 00:13:55,418
We are the committee
to recall Leslie knope.

352
00:13:55,501 --> 00:13:58,171
Let's kick her out of office.

353
00:13:58,296 --> 00:14:00,173
Recall knope!

354
00:14:00,423 --> 00:14:02,508
All: (Chanting) Recall knope!

355
00:14:02,592 --> 00:14:04,260
Recall knope!

356
00:14:04,344 --> 00:14:05,595
Recall knope!

357
00:14:05,720 --> 00:14:07,013
Legalize weed!

358
00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:09,265
Recall knope!

359
00:14:11,809 --> 00:14:13,519
So, I need to ask you something

360
00:14:13,644 --> 00:14:15,396
and I kinda wish
Jean-ralphio wasn't here.

361
00:14:15,646 --> 00:14:18,566
Please tell me that
you're dumping my sister,

362
00:14:18,649 --> 00:14:21,569
(laughing) Because I will
laugh. I will laugh so much.

363
00:14:21,652 --> 00:14:23,363
Actually,
it may be the opposite.

364
00:14:23,780 --> 00:14:25,156
Is this yours?

365
00:14:25,323 --> 00:14:26,699
No, no.

366
00:14:28,951 --> 00:14:31,788
Yeah. It's mine.

367
00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:33,873
I'm pregnant.

368
00:14:33,956 --> 00:14:35,116
Jean-ralphio: Lemony snicket.

369
00:14:35,166 --> 00:14:37,126
Oh, my god, are you serious?

370
00:14:37,251 --> 00:14:39,605
I'm gonna be an uncle? Is that a
real thing? Is that gonna happen?

371
00:14:39,629 --> 00:14:41,881
No, no, that's too much
responsibility for me.

372
00:14:42,006 --> 00:14:43,549
I gotta find another
way out of this.

373
00:14:43,633 --> 00:14:45,301
Well, I wish you told me.

374
00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:47,428
I mean, obviously, we
need to talk about our future.

375
00:14:47,512 --> 00:14:49,740
Maybe I could sell the business,
and we could use the profits

376
00:14:49,764 --> 00:14:51,658
to put a down payment on a
house or something, or... mmm-hmm.

377
00:14:51,682 --> 00:14:53,434
Psych! What?

378
00:14:53,518 --> 00:14:55,061
(Both laughing)

379
00:14:56,813 --> 00:14:58,523
Look at your stupid face.

380
00:14:58,606 --> 00:14:59,875
Jean-ralphio:
You had a dumdum face.

381
00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:01,099
Mona-Lisa: That was hilarious.

382
00:15:01,150 --> 00:15:04,195
(S I n g I n g)
Oh, that was hilarious

383
00:15:04,278 --> 00:15:07,740
that's hilarious

384
00:15:07,949 --> 00:15:09,909
so you're not pregnant?
This isn't yours?

385
00:15:09,992 --> 00:15:11,035
(Bleep) No!

386
00:15:11,119 --> 00:15:16,833
Do you know how many different
pills I take, birth control or otherwise?

387
00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:19,710
There is no way that I could be
pregnant with a human baby. Uh-uh.

388
00:15:19,794 --> 00:15:21,587
Thank god. Yes!

389
00:15:21,671 --> 00:15:23,548
Tommy has his life back!
Let's go!

390
00:15:23,631 --> 00:15:26,384
What the hell is wrong with
you, man? That's my sister.

391
00:15:26,509 --> 00:15:30,972
Nah! I'm just kidding, man. She's
the worst. You dodged a bullet, baby.

392
00:15:31,055 --> 00:15:32,682
Congratulations. Tom: Thanks.

393
00:15:32,765 --> 00:15:33,766
Mona-Lisa: Bad, bad, bad.

394
00:15:33,850 --> 00:15:35,893
Well, macklin,
it's not Mona-Lisa.

395
00:15:36,185 --> 00:15:38,062
It's not me, it's not Donna,
it's not Leslie.

396
00:15:38,146 --> 00:15:39,873
There was only one
other woman at that cabin.

397
00:15:39,897 --> 00:15:41,524
April? No, she would've told me.

398
00:15:41,607 --> 00:15:43,609
Besides, the math doesn't add up

399
00:15:43,734 --> 00:15:45,736
because we only have
sex every single day.

400
00:15:45,862 --> 00:15:48,948
And since she's the only one
that we haven't talked to,

401
00:15:49,031 --> 00:15:50,783
it has to be hers.

402
00:15:51,409 --> 00:15:52,785
Oh, my god.

403
00:15:53,202 --> 00:15:54,954
(Cutlery scraping on plate)

404
00:15:57,123 --> 00:15:58,916
Idonthke seeing you like this.

405
00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:00,501
I've never felt this way before.

406
00:16:00,585 --> 00:16:01,919
Maybe I should just quit.

407
00:16:02,003 --> 00:16:04,964
Maybe we should both quit, and
we should move to The Bahamas,

408
00:16:05,047 --> 00:16:08,509
live on a beach, catch
fish with homemade Spears.

409
00:16:08,593 --> 00:16:10,803
Yeah, you'd last about
30 seconds without work.

410
00:16:11,053 --> 00:16:12,305
When we went to Hawaii,

411
00:16:12,388 --> 00:16:14,199
you woke me up at 3:00 am.
To watch meet the press.

412
00:16:14,223 --> 00:16:18,144
Well, it was Elizabeth Warren.
Like, I'm not going to watch that live?

413
00:16:18,227 --> 00:16:19,937
Look, you can hate
your job sometimes.

414
00:16:20,062 --> 00:16:21,814
It's allowed. But
let me ask you this.

415
00:16:21,898 --> 00:16:24,275
Do you think this town is
better off than it was a year ago?

416
00:16:24,358 --> 00:16:25,359
Yes.

417
00:16:25,443 --> 00:16:27,278
Do you stand behind
everything you've done?

418
00:16:27,361 --> 00:16:29,197
Yes. Then screw 'em.

419
00:16:30,698 --> 00:16:34,285
But even if I wanted to fight
this recall, how would I do it?

420
00:16:35,369 --> 00:16:37,121
Thank you all for coming.

421
00:16:37,205 --> 00:16:38,789
As most of you probably know,

422
00:16:38,873 --> 00:16:41,209
there is a large committee
that has announced plans

423
00:16:41,292 --> 00:16:42,752
to recall me from office.

424
00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:44,795
My response to them is this...

425
00:16:46,339 --> 00:16:50,176
Bring it on. Step up.
Step up 2: The streets.

426
00:16:50,259 --> 00:16:52,220
I'm sorry,
my adrenaline is pumping,

427
00:16:52,345 --> 00:16:54,305
so all I can think of
is dance movie titles.

428
00:16:54,430 --> 00:16:56,140
Stomp the yard. There's one.

429
00:16:56,224 --> 00:16:59,268
Look, I work very hard for
this town, as hard as I can,

430
00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:01,354
and all that matters
to me is whether or not

431
00:17:01,437 --> 00:17:04,065
everyone here thinks
that they are better off now

432
00:17:04,148 --> 00:17:05,733
than they were a year ago.

433
00:17:05,816 --> 00:17:06,901
I think you are.

434
00:17:06,984 --> 00:17:09,111
If you disagree with me,
then go ahead and recall me.

435
00:17:09,195 --> 00:17:11,322
Go crazy. You got served.

436
00:17:11,614 --> 00:17:13,824
Silver linings playbook,
kind of.

437
00:17:13,950 --> 00:17:15,350
The committee says
they plan to push

438
00:17:15,451 --> 00:17:16,869
for a recall vote
within two months.

439
00:17:16,953 --> 00:17:18,454
Do you have a comment on that?
Nope.

440
00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:21,499
Again, all I really care about
is are you better off?

441
00:17:21,874 --> 00:17:23,501
I think I'm better off.

442
00:17:23,584 --> 00:17:25,044
I haven't had a date in a while,

443
00:17:25,169 --> 00:17:26,629
but I'm learning a lot about me.

444
00:17:26,712 --> 00:17:28,148
Well, iwasn't
asking you specifically,

445
00:17:28,172 --> 00:17:29,549
but I'm happy to
hear that, shauna.

446
00:17:29,632 --> 00:17:33,553
So, in conclusion, recall,
shmecall. (Chuckles)

447
00:17:33,636 --> 00:17:35,763
No, I can't end my
big press conference by

448
00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:38,015
saying "recall, shmecall."
That's ridiculous.

449
00:17:38,140 --> 00:17:39,340
Ben, can you help me out here?

450
00:17:39,392 --> 00:17:41,686
That concludes councilwoman
knope's press conference.

451
00:17:41,769 --> 00:17:43,479
And if you have any
further questions...

452
00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:44,564
(Reporters clamoring)

453
00:17:44,647 --> 00:17:47,567
Hold on to them, because
she has a lot of work to do.

454
00:17:47,650 --> 00:17:49,235
Thanks, honey. Honey.

455
00:17:49,318 --> 00:17:51,487
That's another dance movie
with Jessica alba.

456
00:17:53,322 --> 00:17:54,490
Leslie: All right, people.

457
00:17:54,574 --> 00:17:56,367
The Pawnee river's
not gonna clean itself.

458
00:17:56,450 --> 00:17:58,911
Volunteer weekend
task force, mobilize.

459
00:17:58,995 --> 00:18:01,372
Oh, Leslie,
this goes without saying,

460
00:18:01,497 --> 00:18:03,958
but if you need any
speeches or testimonials

461
00:18:04,041 --> 00:18:05,852
or just general enthusiasm
for your recall fight,

462
00:18:05,876 --> 00:18:06,877
I'm your man.

463
00:18:07,003 --> 00:18:08,272
Thank you, Chris.
You're welcome.

464
00:18:08,296 --> 00:18:09,606
I'll see you at the river.
Oh, oh, oh!

465
00:18:09,630 --> 00:18:11,716
Last one to pick
up 100 rusty cans

466
00:18:11,882 --> 00:18:14,010
has still accomplished
a great deal.

467
00:18:14,719 --> 00:18:17,388
Hey, maybe after, you wanna
come meet me and Chris for a drink?

468
00:18:17,555 --> 00:18:19,432
Sure. Hey, how's it
going with you guys?

469
00:18:19,515 --> 00:18:22,518
We're great, actually,
and we're having a good time.

470
00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:24,145
Mmm-hmm. Sex is ridiculous.

471
00:18:24,228 --> 00:18:26,647
Hopefully, that ridiculous sex
will lead to a baby.

472
00:18:26,731 --> 00:18:29,358
(Sighs) I'm so happy for you.
Just remember to use protection.

473
00:18:29,442 --> 00:18:31,485
Wait, no, don't. That
would defeat the purpose.

474
00:18:31,569 --> 00:18:32,945
Okay, no. Do yourthing.

475
00:18:35,323 --> 00:18:36,991
(Laughing) Yeah!

476
00:18:37,074 --> 00:18:38,576
My wife is pregnant!

477
00:18:38,868 --> 00:18:40,369
Okay, put me down.

478
00:18:40,453 --> 00:18:41,555
Hey, you can't keep it from me.

479
00:18:41,579 --> 00:18:42,639
I found
the pregnancy test, honey.

480
00:18:42,663 --> 00:18:45,791
Andy, I'm not pregnant, okay?
And if I were, you shouldn't lift me up.

481
00:18:46,208 --> 00:18:47,668
Wait, are you sure you're not?

482
00:18:47,752 --> 00:18:50,463
Yeah. We've talked
about this. Remember?

483
00:18:50,588 --> 00:18:51,922
I wanna wait until we're 50

484
00:18:52,006 --> 00:18:54,550
and then adopt a set of creepy
adult twins from Romania.

485
00:18:54,717 --> 00:18:55,843
Yeah. Of course.

486
00:18:55,968 --> 00:18:57,848
Actually, there is something
I need to tell you.

487
00:18:57,887 --> 00:18:59,805
(Gasps) You're pregnant.

488
00:18:59,889 --> 00:19:01,140
No!

489
00:19:01,223 --> 00:19:02,975
We just ruled that out.

490
00:19:03,059 --> 00:19:04,894
Dang it. Okay, a while ago,

491
00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:07,146
I applied to veterinary school
in bloomington,

492
00:19:07,229 --> 00:19:09,231
and I just found out that...

493
00:19:09,315 --> 00:19:10,733
Igotin.

494
00:19:10,816 --> 00:19:13,235
You did? That's amazing!

495
00:19:13,319 --> 00:19:14,904
Wait, why did you
wait to tell me?

496
00:19:14,987 --> 00:19:17,573
Because I don't even know
if I wanna go, okay?

497
00:19:17,657 --> 00:19:19,909
I mean, yes, it's been my
dream to work with animals

498
00:19:19,992 --> 00:19:22,119
since I was a kid
and everything.

499
00:19:22,620 --> 00:19:23,930
But itwould mean
I would be spending

500
00:19:23,954 --> 00:19:25,349
a lot of time apart
from you, and... oh.

501
00:19:25,373 --> 00:19:27,041
We could get through that.

502
00:19:27,249 --> 00:19:29,168
I mean, look.
It would suck for a while,

503
00:19:29,251 --> 00:19:31,504
and I would miss
you while you're gone.

504
00:19:31,587 --> 00:19:35,841
But as I've known about you
for the past 20 seconds,

505
00:19:35,966 --> 00:19:37,718
this is your dream.

506
00:19:39,261 --> 00:19:41,097
I'm really glad I married you.

507
00:19:41,222 --> 00:19:43,057
Yeah, we made
a good call on that one.

508
00:19:44,058 --> 00:19:45,685
So I just wanted to let you know

509
00:19:45,768 --> 00:19:47,395
I will not be
selling rent a swag.

510
00:19:47,478 --> 00:19:51,857
And you can go tell your client
he now has 100 problems?

511
00:19:51,941 --> 00:19:53,818
Is it Jay-Z? No.

512
00:19:53,901 --> 00:19:55,128
But since you're
not taking the deal,

513
00:19:55,152 --> 00:19:57,822
I should inform you that my
client will be moving on to plan b.

514
00:19:57,905 --> 00:20:00,408
Opening his own store directly
across the street from yours.

515
00:20:00,491 --> 00:20:02,576
Across the street? What
kind of store is it gonna be?

516
00:20:02,660 --> 00:20:04,245
He's calling it Tommy's closet.

517
00:20:04,328 --> 00:20:07,373
It's a high-end secondhand clothing
store where parents can rent clothes

518
00:20:07,456 --> 00:20:09,333
for their teens,
tweens, and pres,

519
00:20:09,417 --> 00:20:12,378
as well as babies, toddlers,
grown-ups, and olds.

520
00:20:12,461 --> 00:20:14,171
But that's my idea and my name.

521
00:20:14,255 --> 00:20:16,632
So I guess only domino's
is allowed to sell pizza now?

522
00:20:16,757 --> 00:20:18,676
It's called capitalism,
Mr. Haverford,

523
00:20:18,801 --> 00:20:20,761
and you are about
to get a free lesson.

524
00:20:21,053 --> 00:20:23,723
Only this free lesson
is going to cost you.

525
00:20:24,348 --> 00:20:26,308
So it's not free?

526
00:20:27,685 --> 00:20:29,603
You're right.
That was confusing.

527
00:20:30,312 --> 00:20:32,398
This lesson will cost you.
Good day.

528
00:20:32,606 --> 00:20:36,485
This sucks, but I have to
admit, it's a pretty baller move.

529
00:20:37,153 --> 00:20:38,571
You sure this isn't diddy?

530
00:20:41,741 --> 00:20:43,159
It is diddy. I knew it!

531
00:20:43,242 --> 00:20:44,702
It's not diddy.

532
00:20:47,413 --> 00:20:50,624
Are you sure everything will be
all right if April goes to vet school?

533
00:20:50,708 --> 00:20:53,002
There are no sure
things in life, son,

534
00:20:53,127 --> 00:20:55,379
but you two seem
pretty solid to me.

535
00:20:55,504 --> 00:20:56,881
Change is good, I guess.

536
00:20:57,047 --> 00:20:58,466
Not to me.

537
00:20:58,549 --> 00:21:00,301
Leslie's going
around asking everybody

538
00:21:00,426 --> 00:21:02,306
if they're better off
than they were a year ago.

539
00:21:02,762 --> 00:21:04,805
All I care about is
that I'm the same.

540
00:21:05,097 --> 00:21:07,767
If I'm the same as I
was a year ago, I'm happy.

541
00:21:07,892 --> 00:21:08,976
Wait, I forgot.

542
00:21:09,393 --> 00:21:11,228
Who the hell is pregnant? What?

543
00:21:11,312 --> 00:21:12,622
I found a pregnancy
test at your cabin,

544
00:21:12,646 --> 00:21:14,249
I checked with all
the girls that were there.

545
00:21:14,273 --> 00:21:15,691
It wasn't any of them.

546
00:21:16,942 --> 00:21:18,903
Hello, darling. What a surprise.

547
00:21:18,986 --> 00:21:22,448
Hey. Can we talk?
Maybe in private?

548
00:21:24,366 --> 00:21:25,493
(Gasps)