1 00:00:43,377 --> 00:00:45,796 Hey, what's up? Hey. 2 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:48,549 Any e-mails today? 3 00:00:48,924 --> 00:00:50,842 I don't think so. No? 4 00:00:52,344 --> 00:00:54,263 Check your spam folder. 5 00:00:56,181 --> 00:00:57,641 There it is. 6 00:00:57,724 --> 00:00:58,850 What? 7 00:01:00,519 --> 00:01:03,855 "Fifty signs your priest might be Michael Jackson." 8 00:01:05,607 --> 00:01:06,692 Well done. 9 00:01:06,775 --> 00:01:08,443 Kmdmg. Tomcal 10 00:01:08,527 --> 00:01:10,862 Michael: I am "king of forwards." 11 00:01:10,946 --> 00:01:14,449 It's how I like to do business. Everybodyjoking around. 12 00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:16,660 We're like friends. 13 00:01:16,743 --> 00:01:20,831 I am Chandler and Joey. 14 00:01:21,582 --> 00:01:24,293 And Pam is Rachel. 15 00:01:25,419 --> 00:01:28,297 And Dwight is Kramer. 16 00:01:28,380 --> 00:01:31,758 So, the monkey does the sex thing right here. 17 00:01:34,469 --> 00:01:36,722 That's funny. That's funny. 18 00:01:36,805 --> 00:01:40,017 Not offensive, because it's nature, educafional 19 00:01:40,809 --> 00:01:44,229 do you want the link? 'Cause then you could forward it around. 20 00:01:44,813 --> 00:01:45,981 Consider it? 21 00:01:46,523 --> 00:01:47,899 Maybe, maybe. 22 00:01:47,983 --> 00:01:49,610 Well, we'll see. 23 00:01:49,776 --> 00:01:51,320 Because I don't know if... 24 00:01:51,403 --> 00:01:52,738 Michael: Come on. 25 00:01:52,821 --> 00:01:55,490 What has two thumbs and likes to bone your mom? 26 00:01:55,574 --> 00:01:57,034 This guy! 27 00:01:59,036 --> 00:02:00,871 Michael: Oh, you are so bad. 28 00:02:03,290 --> 00:02:06,710 This guy is out of control. He is a madman. 29 00:02:06,793 --> 00:02:10,380 Better get the bleep button ready for him. Bleep-bleep. 30 00:02:11,173 --> 00:02:13,759 What's up, Halpert? Still queer? 31 00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:20,432 Michael: Todd packer and I are total "bff." 32 00:02:20,849 --> 00:02:24,728 "Best friends forever." He and I came up together as salesmen. 33 00:02:25,145 --> 00:02:27,022 One time, we were out, 34 00:02:27,105 --> 00:02:30,692 and we met this set of twins, 35 00:02:30,776 --> 00:02:33,695 and packer told them that we were brothers. 36 00:02:34,821 --> 00:02:37,366 And so, you know, one thing led to another, 37 00:02:37,449 --> 00:02:39,743 and we brought them back to the motel, 38 00:02:40,535 --> 00:02:42,913 and then packer did both of them. 39 00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:45,707 It was awesome. 40 00:02:47,959 --> 00:02:49,044 Okay. 41 00:02:49,127 --> 00:02:53,674 Grade-a gossip for you. Right now. Randall, cfo, resigned. 42 00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:55,258 Nobody knows why. 43 00:02:55,342 --> 00:02:57,886 Are you kidding? Everyone knows why. 44 00:02:58,178 --> 00:03:00,138 You don't know? Okay, check this out, all right. 45 00:03:00,222 --> 00:03:01,282 What? So, here's the story. 46 00:03:01,306 --> 00:03:03,767 Yeah? So Randall is nailing his secretary, right? 47 00:03:03,850 --> 00:03:07,312 And she's totally incompetent. Really? Here we go. 48 00:03:07,396 --> 00:03:09,856 Buckle up! It's gonna be a bumpy one! 49 00:03:09,940 --> 00:03:12,526 We're talking blonde incompetent, right? Oh, yeah. 50 00:03:12,609 --> 00:03:15,278 Like, 10 words a minute? Talking? 51 00:03:15,362 --> 00:03:17,698 Well, to be fair, blondes, brunettes, you know, 52 00:03:17,781 --> 00:03:20,742 there are a lot of dumb people out there. Right. They are women, right? 53 00:03:20,826 --> 00:03:23,453 I didn't say it, I didn't say it! 54 00:03:23,537 --> 00:03:25,247 Come on, I said it. 55 00:03:26,373 --> 00:03:28,709 And then suddenly, for no reason, 56 00:03:28,792 --> 00:03:32,754 this bimbo blows the whistle on the whole thing just to be a bitch. 57 00:03:32,838 --> 00:03:35,382 What'd I tell you about the bleep button? 58 00:03:35,465 --> 00:03:38,510 Hey, what has two thumbs and hates Todd packer? 59 00:03:38,802 --> 00:03:40,095 This guy. 60 00:03:40,512 --> 00:03:43,348 Meant to ask you, can you think you can get somebody to drive me around 61 00:03:43,432 --> 00:03:45,350 because of the dui situation? 62 00:03:46,184 --> 00:03:47,477 Bad boy. 63 00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:49,354 Ryan? 64 00:03:50,313 --> 00:03:52,482 Come on, kid, let's go. 65 00:03:53,108 --> 00:03:57,446 Man, that Todd packer can do anything. Except pass that breathalyzer. 66 00:04:02,409 --> 00:04:04,494 You a big William hung fan? 67 00:04:04,786 --> 00:04:07,873 Why does everybody ask me that? Who the hell is that? 68 00:04:13,670 --> 00:04:16,423 I'm really excited to meet your mom. You are? 69 00:04:16,506 --> 00:04:18,675 My mom is coming in to visit. 70 00:04:18,759 --> 00:04:22,262 She lives, like, two hours away, and she doesn't have a cell phone. 71 00:04:22,345 --> 00:04:26,308 Which is cool, 'cause it's kind of adding some suspense to my day, 72 00:04:26,391 --> 00:04:29,311 and I keep looking over at the door, hoping she'll walk in. 73 00:04:29,394 --> 00:04:30,771 I'm excited to show her around. 74 00:04:30,854 --> 00:04:32,814 She really wants to meet everybody. 75 00:04:32,898 --> 00:04:35,776 Oh, yeah? Good. 'Cause I have a lot of questions. 76 00:04:36,151 --> 00:04:37,694 Yeah. Oh, really? 77 00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:40,530 "As a child, did Pam show any traits 78 00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:43,992 "that would hint towards her future career as a receptionist?" 79 00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:48,413 Hey, send me that link to the monkey sex video. 80 00:04:48,497 --> 00:04:50,582 I'm going to forward it like it's hot. 81 00:04:50,665 --> 00:04:51,708 Yes! 82 00:04:51,833 --> 00:04:54,711 Forward it like it's hot, forward it like it's hot. 83 00:04:54,836 --> 00:04:56,338 Old school. 84 00:04:56,421 --> 00:04:57,672 Michael? 85 00:04:58,298 --> 00:04:59,674 Yes, Toby? 86 00:04:59,758 --> 00:05:02,719 I need to talk to you in your office, it'll just take two seconds. 87 00:05:04,471 --> 00:05:06,181 Literally two seconds? 88 00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:09,976 Toby is in hr, which technically means he works for corporate. 89 00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:13,104 So he's really not a part of our family. 90 00:05:14,397 --> 00:05:17,526 Also, he's divorced, so he's really not a part of his family. 91 00:05:17,609 --> 00:05:21,029 The full story is that Randall resigned because of sexual harassment. 92 00:05:21,112 --> 00:05:23,323 So corporate asked me to do a five-minute review 93 00:05:23,406 --> 00:05:25,046 of the company's sexual harassment policy. 94 00:05:25,075 --> 00:05:26,660 No. No, Toby, no. 95 00:05:26,743 --> 00:05:28,745 It's really not a big deal. It is a big deal. 96 00:05:28,829 --> 00:05:30,413 It's a big deal. 97 00:05:30,664 --> 00:05:34,125 What are we supposed to do, scrutinize every little thing 98 00:05:34,209 --> 00:05:36,086 we say and do all day? 99 00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:37,546 I mean, come on. 100 00:05:37,629 --> 00:05:39,714 And then, corporate is gonna send in a lawyer... 101 00:05:39,798 --> 00:05:43,009 What? No. Just to refresh you on our policy. 102 00:05:43,093 --> 00:05:44,469 What? He... no. 103 00:05:44,553 --> 00:05:47,931 Okay, what is a lawyer gonna come in and tell us? 104 00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:52,018 To not send out hilarious e-mails? Or not tell jokes? 105 00:05:52,102 --> 00:05:55,397 Maybe not some of them, maybe not inappropriate ones. 106 00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:57,732 There is no such thing as an appropriate joke. 107 00:05:57,816 --> 00:05:59,442 That's why it's a joke. 108 00:05:59,526 --> 00:06:01,987 Everyone. Hello, everyone? Hi. 109 00:06:02,070 --> 00:06:04,573 Sorry to interrupt, I know you're all busy, 110 00:06:04,656 --> 00:06:07,826 and the last thing you want is for a major interruption. 111 00:06:07,909 --> 00:06:11,496 But Toby has an announcement that he insists on making right now 112 00:06:11,580 --> 00:06:13,582 in the middle of the day. So take it away. 113 00:06:13,665 --> 00:06:15,041 Yeah, okay. 114 00:06:15,166 --> 00:06:17,794 Corporate would like us to do a five-minute review 115 00:06:17,878 --> 00:06:21,423 of the company's sexual harassment policy, so I'll go over that later. 116 00:06:21,506 --> 00:06:23,383 Michael: I wish you luck, Toby, I really do. 117 00:06:23,466 --> 00:06:25,427 But you are going to have a mutiny on your hands. 118 00:06:25,510 --> 00:06:28,555 And I just can't wait to see how you handle it. 119 00:06:29,180 --> 00:06:33,310 A guy goes to a $5 lady of the night 120 00:06:33,935 --> 00:06:36,438 and he gets crabs. 121 00:06:36,813 --> 00:06:39,608 So the next day, he goes back to complain. 122 00:06:40,066 --> 00:06:41,985 And the woman says, 123 00:06:42,068 --> 00:06:44,696 "hey, it was only $5. 124 00:06:44,821 --> 00:06:47,157 "What did you expect, lobster?" 125 00:06:49,868 --> 00:06:51,828 This is what's at stake. 126 00:06:55,457 --> 00:06:57,542 Time to bring out the big guns. 127 00:06:57,626 --> 00:07:01,171 I'm heading down to the warehouse, where jokes are born. 128 00:07:01,504 --> 00:07:05,759 Find a killerjoke that'll just blow everybody away at the seminar later. 129 00:07:05,842 --> 00:07:09,387 And remind them what is great about this place. 130 00:07:09,596 --> 00:07:12,515 So... here they are. Guys. 131 00:07:13,016 --> 00:07:15,769 Wondering if I could get your help for something? 132 00:07:15,852 --> 00:07:18,104 I am looking for a newjoke to tell. 133 00:07:18,188 --> 00:07:20,065 And it needs to be just killer. 134 00:07:20,148 --> 00:07:22,192 And it does not need to be clean. 135 00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:23,276 So what you got? 136 00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:25,111 Like, a joke, a knock-knockjoke? 137 00:07:25,195 --> 00:07:27,489 Yeah, no, well, I mean, better. Better than that. 138 00:07:27,572 --> 00:07:29,908 The type of stuff you guys tell all day. You know? 139 00:07:29,991 --> 00:07:31,201 Well... 140 00:07:31,743 --> 00:07:34,120 Those are some awful tight pants you have on. 141 00:07:34,204 --> 00:07:37,248 Where'd you get them, like, "queers r us"? 142 00:07:37,499 --> 00:07:39,584 "Boys r us." 143 00:07:39,668 --> 00:07:42,671 All right, all right, well, good, yeah, but you know, 144 00:07:42,837 --> 00:07:45,298 a joke, but not necessarily at my expense. 145 00:07:45,382 --> 00:07:47,735 So what've we got, like... man, we could see all your business 146 00:07:47,759 --> 00:07:49,552 coming around the corner, okay? 147 00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:51,096 You need to, you know, hide that. 148 00:07:51,179 --> 00:07:54,099 Good thing you don't have a lot of business to start with. 149 00:07:54,182 --> 00:07:55,433 Okay. 150 00:07:55,517 --> 00:07:57,102 But that was still about me, so... 151 00:07:57,185 --> 00:07:58,228 Hey, hey. What? 152 00:07:58,311 --> 00:08:00,414 So you don't have the biggest package, don't feel bad. 153 00:08:00,438 --> 00:08:02,524 I don't feel bad. I think he feels bad. 154 00:08:02,607 --> 00:08:04,317 No, ldont vveh, youlookae youfeelbad_. 155 00:08:04,401 --> 00:08:05,503 Okay. 'Cause it's a little package. 156 00:08:05,527 --> 00:08:07,254 Well, you know not exactly... A little package! 157 00:08:07,278 --> 00:08:08,965 What I was looking for, but thanks, guys. Thank you. 158 00:08:08,989 --> 00:08:12,117 You look good in those pants. He gets it from his mama. 159 00:08:14,077 --> 00:08:16,913 So remember, intent is irrelevant. And that's it. 160 00:08:16,997 --> 00:08:18,039 Pam? 161 00:08:19,207 --> 00:08:23,461 I just wanted to say that, just, my mom's coming in today. 162 00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:25,547 Milf. 163 00:08:26,256 --> 00:08:27,257 Thanks, Kevin. 164 00:08:27,340 --> 00:08:29,509 Usually, the day we talk about sexual harassment 165 00:08:29,592 --> 00:08:32,095 is the day that everyone harasses me as a joke. 166 00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:33,263 She's coming in today, 167 00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:36,141 and maybe just don't joke around about that stuff in front of her. 168 00:08:36,224 --> 00:08:37,934 Greatpoufl. Thank you. 169 00:08:38,226 --> 00:08:42,939 In fact, basic rule of thumb, let's just act every day like Pam's mom is coming in. 170 00:08:43,773 --> 00:08:45,066 All right, that's it. 171 00:08:45,150 --> 00:08:49,404 If anybody has any questions about anything, you know where I sit in the back. 172 00:08:52,407 --> 00:08:53,783 It is over? Toby: Yes. 173 00:08:53,867 --> 00:08:55,410 Michael: No. I can go over it with you. 174 00:08:55,493 --> 00:08:56,703 I know, I know, it's good. 175 00:08:56,786 --> 00:08:59,372 It is not over. It is not over till it's over. 176 00:08:59,456 --> 00:09:01,541 Toby: It's over. Did he tell you everything? 177 00:09:01,624 --> 00:09:05,670 Obviously, he didn't, because you all still look relatively happy. 178 00:09:05,754 --> 00:09:07,213 Albeit bored. 179 00:09:07,672 --> 00:09:10,050 Do you realize what we're losing? Seriously. 180 00:09:10,133 --> 00:09:12,802 E-mail forwards. Exactly. 181 00:09:13,636 --> 00:09:17,807 Can we afford to lose e-mail forwards? Do we want that? 182 00:09:17,974 --> 00:09:19,184 I hate them. 183 00:09:19,267 --> 00:09:21,227 You send me these filthy e-mails, and you say, 184 00:09:21,311 --> 00:09:24,314 "forward them to 10 people or you'll have bad luck." 185 00:09:24,439 --> 00:09:26,566 Give me a break. Stanley? 186 00:09:26,691 --> 00:09:30,779 How about that hot picture you have by your desk? 187 00:09:31,279 --> 00:09:33,323 Centerfold in the catholic schoolgirl's outfit? 188 00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:36,868 I mean, it is hot, it is sexy, and it turns him on. 189 00:09:36,951 --> 00:09:40,580 And I will admit, best part of my morning is staring at it. 190 00:09:40,663 --> 00:09:42,457 But what? Are we gonna just take it away? 191 00:09:42,540 --> 00:09:45,502 That is my daughter, she goes to catholic girls' school. 192 00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:48,004 I'm taking it down right now. 193 00:09:48,129 --> 00:09:49,756 What about office romance? 194 00:09:49,839 --> 00:09:53,510 Office relationships are never a good idea. 195 00:09:53,676 --> 00:09:56,012 So let's just try to avoid them, but 196 00:09:56,221 --> 00:09:59,099 if you already have one, you should disclose it to hr. 197 00:09:59,182 --> 00:10:02,018 All relationships? Even a one-night stand? 198 00:10:03,144 --> 00:10:05,522 I think the old honor system was fine. For example, 199 00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:09,567 I have never slept with an employee, and believe me, I could have. 200 00:10:09,651 --> 00:10:10,985 Yeah, Meredith. 201 00:10:11,069 --> 00:10:14,114 No, no, Catherine! Remember her? Remember how hot she was? 202 00:10:14,197 --> 00:10:16,050 Dwight: Yes. She would have definitely slept with me. 203 00:10:16,074 --> 00:10:18,451 She wasn't that hot. Yes, she was. 204 00:10:18,535 --> 00:10:20,262 Toby: Okay, you know, Michael... damn it, Kevin. 205 00:10:20,286 --> 00:10:23,706 I'm in an office relationship. It's special. 206 00:10:24,415 --> 00:10:28,253 She's nice, she's shy, she's actually here if you wanna meet her. 207 00:10:28,336 --> 00:10:29,838 Hold on a second. 208 00:10:32,006 --> 00:10:34,134 Oh, my god. Put on a shirt. Put on... 209 00:10:34,217 --> 00:10:38,096 I told you that you'd be on camera. I'm sorry, she's European. 210 00:10:38,179 --> 00:10:40,890 No, I told you that you'd be on camera. 211 00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:43,059 Stop. 212 00:10:43,184 --> 00:10:45,645 What if Pam was a lesbian? 213 00:10:46,646 --> 00:10:49,774 What if she brought her "partner" in to work? 214 00:10:49,858 --> 00:10:51,609 Would that be crossing the line? Toby: No. 215 00:10:51,693 --> 00:10:54,070 What if they made out in front of everybody? 216 00:10:54,154 --> 00:10:56,364 Toby: Well, that would be... Michael: At home? 217 00:10:56,447 --> 00:10:59,784 And I told everybody everything about it? 218 00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:02,453 Okay, I'm lost. Okay. 219 00:11:02,537 --> 00:11:03,788 Well, then, let's act it out. 220 00:11:03,872 --> 00:11:07,750 Pam, you will be girl a, and girl b will be... 221 00:11:09,043 --> 00:11:11,045 Okay, we'll use the doll. 222 00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:13,298 Pam? 223 00:11:14,090 --> 00:11:15,175 Pam. 224 00:11:18,553 --> 00:11:21,389 I wish Todd packer was here, 'cause he would love this. 225 00:11:21,472 --> 00:11:24,184 I wonder if anybody else would like to join us? 226 00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:30,190 We have to watch Toby's video that he's showing us, 227 00:11:30,273 --> 00:11:31,357 in order to brainwash us, 228 00:11:31,441 --> 00:11:34,068 and I was wondering if anybody would like to join in? 229 00:11:34,152 --> 00:11:37,447 Gonna be fun. Got microwave pizza. What do you say? 230 00:11:37,989 --> 00:11:39,991 Jim? No thanks, I'm good. 231 00:11:40,074 --> 00:11:41,910 That's what she said. 232 00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:43,244 Pam? 233 00:11:43,745 --> 00:11:46,581 My mother's coming. That's what she said. 234 00:11:46,915 --> 00:11:49,417 No, but, okay, well, suit yourself. 235 00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:53,379 Hey, Toby. Hey, Dwight. 236 00:11:53,546 --> 00:11:56,591 You said that we could come to you if we had any questions. 237 00:11:56,674 --> 00:11:57,759 Sure. 238 00:12:00,553 --> 00:12:02,513 Where is the clitoris? 239 00:12:06,643 --> 00:12:10,104 On a website it said, "at the crest of the labia." 240 00:12:12,774 --> 00:12:14,567 What does that mean? 241 00:12:18,321 --> 00:12:20,990 What does the female vagina look like? 242 00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:23,201 Technically, I am in human resources, 243 00:12:23,284 --> 00:12:26,079 and Dwight was asking about human anatomy. 244 00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:32,335 I'm just sad the public school system failed him so badly. 245 00:12:33,211 --> 00:12:36,089 You know, maybe when you get really comfortable with each other, 246 00:12:36,172 --> 00:12:37,966 you can ask for that. 247 00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:39,926 Good. 248 00:12:40,885 --> 00:12:43,638 Good. And... I should get back to work. 249 00:12:43,972 --> 00:12:45,098 Okay. 250 00:12:45,473 --> 00:12:47,892 In today's fast-paced business climate, 251 00:12:47,976 --> 00:12:52,689 it can sometimes be hard to know when a comment or an action crosses the line. 252 00:12:52,981 --> 00:12:56,526 Let's take a look at a couple of scenarios, and ask ourselves, 253 00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:58,820 "where is the line?" 254 00:13:00,655 --> 00:13:02,198 "The natural redhead." 255 00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:03,658 Man: Hey, Marie. 256 00:13:03,741 --> 00:13:05,201 Hey, Joe, Mike. 257 00:13:05,285 --> 00:13:06,744 Settle a bet. 258 00:13:07,578 --> 00:13:09,622 Are you a natural redhead? 259 00:13:10,873 --> 00:13:12,458 Stop the video! 260 00:13:12,542 --> 00:13:15,003 We go... stop it right there. What? 261 00:13:16,421 --> 00:13:18,840 That's that girl from that thing. 262 00:13:19,507 --> 00:13:21,467 I banged this girl right here. That's her? 263 00:13:21,551 --> 00:13:24,220 Yes, this is the one, you remember? No, the party? 264 00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:25,364 Darryl: Yes! You banged her? 265 00:13:25,388 --> 00:13:27,283 Yes, right here. You are a naughty girl! Michael: Whoa, whoa, whoa! 266 00:13:27,307 --> 00:13:29,118 Wait. Hypocrite! Darryl: Leave those lips alone! 267 00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:33,396 Okay, she is a hypocrite. That is such a scam. Okay. 268 00:13:33,479 --> 00:13:35,940 Yes? Yes, I did. 269 00:13:36,274 --> 00:13:38,735 Okay, well, we can talk about that later, then. 270 00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:40,570 Okay, you are never gonna believe this. 271 00:13:40,653 --> 00:13:43,239 The girl in the video we're watching that corporate gave us, 272 00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:45,241 Darryl banged her... 273 00:13:48,411 --> 00:13:51,706 And he's about 90% sure. 274 00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:57,378 Don't ever let this little bitch 275 00:13:57,462 --> 00:14:00,089 drive you around town, we got lost for half an hour. 276 00:14:00,173 --> 00:14:03,259 I don't have any duls, so I can drive myself, but thanks. 277 00:14:03,343 --> 00:14:06,929 Where is Michael "snot"? Sniffing some dude's thong? 278 00:14:08,097 --> 00:14:09,349 Probably. 279 00:14:10,558 --> 00:14:14,562 So you are the lawyer, Mr. O'Malley. I know a lot of iawyerjokes. 280 00:14:14,645 --> 00:14:15,688 I love iawyerjokes. 281 00:14:15,772 --> 00:14:18,608 Well, it's probably because you don't get them. 282 00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:21,069 When I said before that I was "king of forwards," 283 00:14:21,152 --> 00:14:24,489 you gotta understand, that I don't come up with this stuff. 284 00:14:24,572 --> 00:14:26,532 I just forward it along. 285 00:14:27,617 --> 00:14:31,954 You wouldn't arrest a guy who was just delivering drugs from one guy to another. 286 00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:34,582 You seem a little bit agitated, Michael. What's the problem? 287 00:14:34,665 --> 00:14:38,503 The problem is that I am the boss, 288 00:14:38,586 --> 00:14:41,130 and apparently I can't say anything. 289 00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:47,512 Well, that's true, in a way, you can't say anything. 290 00:14:47,804 --> 00:14:49,889 Where's the line? Where's the line, jan? 291 00:14:49,972 --> 00:14:51,617 Do you need to see the video again, Michael? 292 00:14:51,641 --> 00:14:53,494 No, I've seen the video. He talked the whole time. 293 00:14:53,518 --> 00:14:54,977 No, I didn't. 294 00:14:57,146 --> 00:14:58,398 Michael: What? 295 00:15:03,194 --> 00:15:04,946 Attention, everyone. Hello. 296 00:15:05,029 --> 00:15:08,783 Yes, I just want you to know that, this is not my decision, 297 00:15:08,866 --> 00:15:13,371 but from here on out, we can no longer be friends. 298 00:15:15,039 --> 00:15:19,585 And when we talk about things here, we must only discuss 299 00:15:19,669 --> 00:15:21,963 work-associated things. 300 00:15:22,338 --> 00:15:25,800 And you can consider this my retirement from comedy. 301 00:15:26,592 --> 00:15:29,387 And in the future, if I want to say something funny, 302 00:15:29,470 --> 00:15:31,889 or witty, or do an impression, 303 00:15:31,973 --> 00:15:36,352 I will no longer ever do any of those things. 304 00:15:37,270 --> 00:15:40,064 Does that include "that's what she said"? 305 00:15:41,441 --> 00:15:44,360 Yes. Wow, that is really hard. 306 00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:48,739 You really think you can go all day long? 307 00:15:49,740 --> 00:15:53,244 Well, you always left me satisfied and smiling, so... 308 00:15:55,246 --> 00:15:56,789 That's what she said! 309 00:15:56,873 --> 00:15:58,875 Michael! 310 00:15:59,375 --> 00:16:00,686 Michael: Come on! Jan: Michael, please. 311 00:16:00,710 --> 00:16:02,295 There he is. Please. 312 00:16:03,212 --> 00:16:04,505 Packer: Come on. 313 00:16:04,589 --> 00:16:07,258 You would have done the same, you just didn't think of it first. 314 00:16:07,341 --> 00:16:09,677 Michael. Michael, wease, lreahy_ it's... that's... 315 00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:11,179 It's not my sense of humor. Okay. 316 00:16:11,262 --> 00:16:13,306 Hello. Jan, Mr. O'Malley, 317 00:16:13,389 --> 00:16:16,350 this is my lawyer, James p. Albini. Your what? 318 00:16:16,476 --> 00:16:19,729 I believe you may recognize his face from the billboards. 319 00:16:19,812 --> 00:16:22,648 He specializes in free speech issues. 320 00:16:22,815 --> 00:16:26,486 And motorcycle head injuries, worker's comp, and diet pill lawsuits. 321 00:16:26,652 --> 00:16:27,904 This guy does it all. 322 00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:31,699 Excuse me, I'm sorry. Michael, Mr. O'Malley is your lawyer. 323 00:16:32,742 --> 00:16:36,454 What? Mr. O'Malley is our corporate lawyer. 324 00:16:36,913 --> 00:16:39,624 We have him on retainer to protect the company, 325 00:16:39,707 --> 00:16:42,960 as well as upper-level management such as yourself. 326 00:16:45,254 --> 00:16:46,380 So I'm not in trouble? 327 00:16:46,464 --> 00:16:49,175 I'm so used to being the "bad boy." 328 00:16:49,342 --> 00:16:53,387 I am so used to fighting corporate, that I forget that I am corporate. 329 00:16:53,513 --> 00:16:55,264 Upper management. 330 00:16:56,057 --> 00:16:59,268 They hooked me up with an attorney, to protect me. 331 00:17:01,145 --> 00:17:03,773 You can't be too careful about what you say. 332 00:17:04,607 --> 00:17:06,776 Mo' money, mo' problems. 333 00:17:07,193 --> 00:17:09,820 Okay, well, let's get you out of here, James. 334 00:17:09,904 --> 00:17:11,864 I think we're under an hour still, so. 335 00:17:11,948 --> 00:17:14,348 Yeah, but I did a lot of paperwork at home before I got here. 336 00:17:14,408 --> 00:17:17,787 I know. Well, we'll talk about it later. Thanks for coming in. 337 00:17:20,873 --> 00:17:22,542 Hello. 338 00:17:22,875 --> 00:17:25,670 Oh, my god. I finally made it. 339 00:17:25,753 --> 00:17:26,754 Hello. 340 00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:28,339 I love my mom. 341 00:17:28,714 --> 00:17:32,176 Okay, that's probably the most obvious statement ever. 342 00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:33,970 Okay. This is all yours? 343 00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:37,974 Yeah, I'm in charge of this whole area. Oh, my goodness, that's great. 344 00:17:44,605 --> 00:17:46,274 So a guy goes home, tells his wife, 345 00:17:46,357 --> 00:17:48,651 "honey, pack your bags, I just won the lottery." 346 00:17:48,734 --> 00:17:51,529 She goes, "oh, my god, that's incredible, where are we going?" 347 00:17:51,612 --> 00:17:55,575 He goes, "I don't know where you're going. Just be out of here by 5:00." 348 00:17:58,494 --> 00:17:59,745 Packer: Boom! 349 00:18:00,162 --> 00:18:01,956 This is where I used to keep my computer. 350 00:18:02,039 --> 00:18:03,517 Oh, right, I remember, with the picture. 351 00:18:03,541 --> 00:18:05,084 But then I moved it. Yeah, yeah. 352 00:18:05,167 --> 00:18:07,795 But I switched stuff around, because I actually needed, 353 00:18:07,878 --> 00:18:10,590 like, more room for organization. Sure. 354 00:18:10,673 --> 00:18:12,925 So this is, like, an organization station. 355 00:18:13,009 --> 00:18:15,219 Oh, there he is! 356 00:18:15,303 --> 00:18:16,762 How are you? Hey, handsome. 357 00:18:16,846 --> 00:18:18,514 Roy: You look great. Oh, thank you. 358 00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:20,558 So, we ready for dinner? 359 00:18:20,891 --> 00:18:23,936 Well, you know, actually, I kind of need to stall a bit. 360 00:18:24,020 --> 00:18:27,023 But, it's okay, because I am very used to killing time. 361 00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:28,691 I don't believe that. 362 00:18:28,774 --> 00:18:30,860 Okay, I'm gonna go wait in the parking lot. 363 00:18:30,943 --> 00:18:32,820 And what kind of tunes you want for the ride? 364 00:18:32,903 --> 00:18:36,532 A little classical, little oldies? Anything is fine. 365 00:18:36,741 --> 00:18:38,993 All right, I'll see you. 366 00:18:42,038 --> 00:18:43,831 So, which one is Jim? 367 00:18:44,332 --> 00:18:45,333 Mom. 368 00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:47,835 I just wanted to know. No, it's... 369 00:18:47,918 --> 00:18:49,795 All right, okay. Okay. Ten minutes. 370 00:18:49,879 --> 00:18:51,213 Okay. Then we can go to dinner. 371 00:18:51,297 --> 00:18:52,423 I'll make myself busy. 372 00:18:52,506 --> 00:18:55,343 There's this guy, he's at a nymphomaniac convention. 373 00:18:55,426 --> 00:18:58,804 And he is psyched, 'cause all these women are smoking hot, perfect 10s, 374 00:18:58,888 --> 00:19:01,223 except for this one chick, who looks a lot like... 375 00:19:01,307 --> 00:19:02,391 Kevin: Phyllis? 376 00:19:02,475 --> 00:19:04,894 Yeah. No, no, no, thatcrossestheline. 377 00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:06,604 Ex-squeeze me? 378 00:19:07,688 --> 00:19:08,939 Not you. 379 00:19:09,190 --> 00:19:10,399 Kevin, 380 00:19:10,941 --> 00:19:14,195 just unwarranted, hostile work environment, Kevin. 381 00:19:14,278 --> 00:19:15,363 Well, packer said it. 382 00:19:15,446 --> 00:19:18,908 No, you said it, he pointed. A point is not a say. 383 00:19:19,116 --> 00:19:22,745 Look, Kevin, we are a family here, 384 00:19:23,371 --> 00:19:26,248 and Phyllis is a valued member of that family, like a grandmother. 385 00:19:26,332 --> 00:19:28,613 I'm the same age as you, Michael. I don't know about that. 386 00:19:28,668 --> 00:19:29,895 We're the same high school class... 387 00:19:29,919 --> 00:19:33,464 Well, I have a late birthday, and usually September is the cut-off point. 388 00:19:33,547 --> 00:19:36,676 You know what? You just crossed the line. Okay? 389 00:19:36,842 --> 00:19:40,721 There's a line, and you went over it. And you must be punished. 390 00:19:40,805 --> 00:19:44,058 So go to your corner. You mean, where my desk is? 391 00:19:44,141 --> 00:19:46,435 Yes, your corner, go. Okay. 392 00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:50,022 I have a lot of work to do, anyway. 393 00:19:50,106 --> 00:19:53,067 Oh, my. They really got to you, didn't they? 394 00:19:53,359 --> 00:19:54,944 They didn't get to me. 395 00:19:55,945 --> 00:19:57,488 I got to them. 396 00:19:58,322 --> 00:20:00,950 I am still the same old Michael Scott. 397 00:20:01,742 --> 00:20:03,411 New and improved. 398 00:20:04,662 --> 00:20:07,206 You know what? I love Phyllis. 399 00:20:09,500 --> 00:20:13,045 And know what else? I think she is gorgeous. 400 00:20:13,462 --> 00:20:17,883 I think she is an incredibly, incredibly attractive person. 401 00:20:18,676 --> 00:20:20,636 Come here, give me a kiss, come on. 402 00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:23,472 Michael, come on, you don't have to worry. I'm not 403 00:20:23,556 --> 00:20:26,100 gonna report you to hr. I'm not... I'm not worried! 404 00:20:26,183 --> 00:20:28,644 You know what? The only thing I am worried about 405 00:20:28,728 --> 00:20:30,479 is getting a boner. 406 00:20:32,606 --> 00:20:34,775 Good work today, everybody. 407 00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:41,407 Times have changed a little. 408 00:20:42,533 --> 00:20:46,579 And even though we're still a family here at dunder Mifflin, families grow. 409 00:20:47,371 --> 00:20:52,293 And at some point, the daddy can't take a bath with the kids anymore. 410 00:20:53,627 --> 00:20:55,504 I am upper management, 411 00:20:56,005 --> 00:20:59,800 and itwould be inappropriate for me to take a bath with Pam. 412 00:21:00,176 --> 00:21:02,344 As much as I mightwant to. 413 00:21:02,636 --> 00:21:04,096 He said what?