1 00:00:06,340 --> 00:00:08,050 Where is my desk? 2 00:00:09,760 --> 00:00:11,053 That is weird. 3 00:00:11,261 --> 00:00:14,431 This is not funny. This is totally unprofessional. 4 00:00:14,515 --> 00:00:16,117 Okay, well, you're the one who lost the desk. 5 00:00:16,141 --> 00:00:17,392 I didn't lose my desk. 6 00:00:17,476 --> 00:00:20,103 Hey, calm down. Where was the last place you saw it? 7 00:00:20,187 --> 00:00:22,356 Okay, who moved my desk? 8 00:00:22,439 --> 00:00:23,875 Jim: I think you should retrace your steps. 9 00:00:23,899 --> 00:00:26,818 Okay, I am going to tell Michael 10 00:00:26,902 --> 00:00:29,863 and this entire office will be punished. 11 00:00:30,656 --> 00:00:31,865 Colder. 12 00:00:34,618 --> 00:00:35,661 Warmer. 13 00:00:37,079 --> 00:00:38,455 A little warmer. 14 00:00:39,706 --> 00:00:41,250 There you go. Warmer. 15 00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:43,126 Warmer. 16 00:00:43,669 --> 00:00:45,337 Warmer. Warmer. Warmer. 17 00:00:45,420 --> 00:00:46,630 Cold. Cold. Cold. 18 00:00:46,713 --> 00:00:47,839 Back up. 19 00:00:49,341 --> 00:00:50,509 (Jim exclaims) 20 00:00:50,592 --> 00:00:51,635 (Telephone ringing) 21 00:00:51,718 --> 00:00:53,679 Warmer. Hot. Red hot. 22 00:00:53,762 --> 00:00:56,098 Hot. Very hot. 23 00:00:57,432 --> 00:00:59,351 (Telephone continues ringing) 24 00:01:09,653 --> 00:01:11,488 Dwight schrute. Hi, Dwight. 25 00:01:11,905 --> 00:01:15,158 What sort of discounts are we giving on the 20-lb. White bond? 26 00:01:15,242 --> 00:01:17,452 Jim, I've given you this information, like, 20 times. 27 00:01:17,536 --> 00:01:18,787 Jim: Lknow. 28 00:01:19,121 --> 00:01:20,789 (Toilet flushing) 29 00:01:22,457 --> 00:01:23,834 It's by the ream? 30 00:01:23,917 --> 00:01:24,918 Yeah. Ream... 31 00:01:25,002 --> 00:01:26,962 It is now $9.78, 32 00:01:27,045 --> 00:01:28,755 so it's a discount of 7%. 33 00:01:29,089 --> 00:01:31,508 Okay, thank you. Got to get back to work. 34 00:01:36,054 --> 00:01:37,848 Wash your hands, Kevin. 35 00:02:11,882 --> 00:02:12,966 Right. 36 00:02:13,592 --> 00:02:15,903 Oh, let me just check the pricing list. Hold on one second. 37 00:02:15,927 --> 00:02:18,847 Sensei, hello, it's sempai. 38 00:02:20,182 --> 00:02:21,391 Dwight. 39 00:02:21,933 --> 00:02:23,411 You know what, let me give you a call right back. 40 00:02:23,435 --> 00:02:26,396 I'm gonna find it and then I'll call you back. Thanks. 41 00:02:26,772 --> 00:02:30,067 Yes, I just had a question... Yes, sensei. 42 00:02:30,484 --> 00:02:32,152 (Speaking Japanese) 43 00:02:36,448 --> 00:02:38,116 Was that your mom? 44 00:02:38,241 --> 00:02:39,826 No, that was my sensei. 45 00:02:40,786 --> 00:02:42,204 Oh, I thought it was your mom. 46 00:02:42,287 --> 00:02:46,249 I am now sempai, which is assistant sensei. 47 00:02:46,750 --> 00:02:48,353 Assistant to the sensei, that's pretty cool. 48 00:02:48,377 --> 00:02:49,419 Assistant sensei. 49 00:02:49,503 --> 00:02:50,504 Okay. 50 00:02:50,587 --> 00:02:53,924 I am a practitioner of goju-ryu karate 51 00:02:54,591 --> 00:02:55,759 here in Scranton. 52 00:02:55,842 --> 00:02:56,843 (Shouting) 53 00:02:56,927 --> 00:02:58,095 Sensei: Two! 54 00:02:58,345 --> 00:02:59,638 Dwight, snap your kick back. 55 00:02:59,721 --> 00:03:00,722 Three! 56 00:03:01,223 --> 00:03:05,644 Dwight: My sensei, ira, recently promoted me to purple belt. 57 00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:08,772 And gave me the duties of a sempai. 58 00:03:09,398 --> 00:03:12,567 Not that a lot of people here in america know what a sempai is. 59 00:03:12,651 --> 00:03:15,779 But it's equally as respected as a sensei. 60 00:03:20,575 --> 00:03:23,203 I don't wanna stay until 7:00 again this year. 61 00:03:23,620 --> 00:03:26,456 I don't really have any control over that, Stanley. 62 00:03:31,086 --> 00:03:35,424 Michael tends to procrastinate a bit whenever he has to do work. 63 00:03:37,092 --> 00:03:40,429 Time cards, he has to sign these every Friday. 64 00:03:40,512 --> 00:03:43,306 Purchase orders have to be approved at the end of every month. 65 00:03:43,390 --> 00:03:45,308 And expense reports, 66 00:03:45,559 --> 00:03:49,187 all he has to do is initial these at the end of every quarter. 67 00:03:49,354 --> 00:03:53,024 But once a year it all falls on the same Friday. That's today. 68 00:03:53,650 --> 00:03:55,694 I call it the perfect storm. 69 00:03:55,819 --> 00:03:58,071 (Singing) I don't wanna work 70 00:03:58,155 --> 00:04:00,699 I just wanna bang on this mug all day 71 00:04:00,782 --> 00:04:02,909 did you ask me here for any specific reason? 72 00:04:03,493 --> 00:04:04,786 Yes, I did. 73 00:04:04,995 --> 00:04:06,496 Here's the dizzle. 74 00:04:07,122 --> 00:04:10,500 I have a very top-secret mission for you. 75 00:04:10,584 --> 00:04:13,879 I want you to update all the emergency contact information. 76 00:04:14,379 --> 00:04:15,714 Why is that secret? 77 00:04:15,797 --> 00:04:19,384 Hello. Oh, god. Busywork. Oh, get away, cretin. 78 00:04:19,551 --> 00:04:21,470 Pam: I put stickers, so you know where to sign. 79 00:04:21,553 --> 00:04:23,096 Yes, thanks, I know where to sign. 80 00:04:23,180 --> 00:04:24,222 Itsjustthat lastyearyou_. 81 00:04:24,306 --> 00:04:27,350 Yeah, well, last year they were out of order, weren't they, Pam? 82 00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:31,313 Well, the last pick-up for overnight deliveries is at 7:00. 83 00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:34,483 So you need to have them signed by then, or much earlier. 84 00:04:34,566 --> 00:04:36,485 Chillax, Pam. 85 00:04:36,568 --> 00:04:39,654 Stop Pam-ms-ing. That's pretty good. 86 00:04:40,071 --> 00:04:42,908 Actually I'm sending Ryan on a top-secret mission. 87 00:04:43,158 --> 00:04:44,659 Tell her what it is. 88 00:04:45,035 --> 00:04:46,870 Updating emergency contacts. 89 00:04:48,455 --> 00:04:50,332 Well, is that really a priority? 90 00:04:50,415 --> 00:04:52,542 Is it a priority? Oh, I don't know. 91 00:04:52,918 --> 00:04:54,920 What if there's a tornado, Pam? 92 00:04:55,086 --> 00:04:57,088 People's legs are crushed under rubble? 93 00:04:57,172 --> 00:04:59,674 Please, would you be so kind as to call my wife? 94 00:04:59,758 --> 00:05:03,512 No, I can't, because we don't have any emergency contact information, 95 00:05:03,595 --> 00:05:05,764 because Pam said it wasn't a priority. 96 00:05:05,847 --> 00:05:07,349 Think. Think with your head, Pam. 97 00:05:07,432 --> 00:05:09,518 Okay, well, she walks out. 98 00:05:09,601 --> 00:05:11,228 That's the problem with being a boss, 99 00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:13,897 is that when you are tough they resent you 100 00:05:13,980 --> 00:05:16,566 and when you are cool they walk all over you. 101 00:05:17,108 --> 00:05:18,235 Catch-22. 102 00:05:18,735 --> 00:05:21,238 Catch-22. Yes. 103 00:05:24,574 --> 00:05:26,993 Why don't you give me your contact information to start with? 104 00:05:27,077 --> 00:05:28,703 Okay, what's your cell? 105 00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:31,122 Larissa Halpert. 106 00:05:31,748 --> 00:05:32,916 What's her address? 107 00:05:32,999 --> 00:05:34,417 117 Von Bergen street. 108 00:05:34,501 --> 00:05:35,794 (Cell phone ringing) 109 00:05:35,877 --> 00:05:36,878 Hello? 110 00:05:36,962 --> 00:05:38,402 Michael: (In shrill voice) Hey, Ryan! 111 00:05:40,382 --> 00:05:42,926 This is Michael Jackson 112 00:05:43,009 --> 00:05:44,886 calling from wonderland. 113 00:05:45,637 --> 00:05:47,597 You mean neverland? 114 00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:50,141 This is tito. 115 00:05:50,684 --> 00:05:51,893 (Laughing) 116 00:05:53,854 --> 00:05:55,021 What? 117 00:05:56,982 --> 00:05:58,275 Calling from... 118 00:05:59,150 --> 00:06:02,404 Your major and minor lines cross at a Ridge. 119 00:06:03,363 --> 00:06:04,489 That sucks. 120 00:06:04,698 --> 00:06:06,741 You're making this up as you go along, aren't you? 121 00:06:06,825 --> 00:06:08,577 I am just following the website. 122 00:06:08,660 --> 00:06:11,121 Well, at least I don't have cavities. 123 00:06:11,329 --> 00:06:13,415 Yes, you have very nice teeth. 124 00:06:13,498 --> 00:06:14,583 Thanks. 125 00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:17,002 Who's your emergency contact? 126 00:06:17,085 --> 00:06:18,128 (Cell phone ringing) 127 00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:19,337 Stacey. 128 00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:23,550 (Knocking on window) 129 00:06:24,134 --> 00:06:25,218 Pick up! 130 00:06:27,929 --> 00:06:29,014 Hello? 131 00:06:30,181 --> 00:06:32,100 (In shrill voice) This is Mike Tyson. 132 00:06:32,267 --> 00:06:33,518 (Sniggering) 133 00:06:35,353 --> 00:06:36,521 Hey, Dwight? 134 00:06:37,522 --> 00:06:40,734 As sempai, do you ever think that there's gonna be a day 135 00:06:40,817 --> 00:06:44,154 where humans and robots can peacefully coexist? 136 00:06:44,988 --> 00:06:47,782 Impossible. The way they're programmed... 137 00:06:50,493 --> 00:06:51,870 You're mocking me. No, I'm not. 138 00:06:51,953 --> 00:06:54,664 Well, let me offer you a little piece of advice. 139 00:06:54,915 --> 00:06:58,084 I am not afraid to make an example out of you. 140 00:06:58,168 --> 00:06:59,920 Well, that's not advice. 141 00:07:00,003 --> 00:07:02,088 What advice sounds like is this: 142 00:07:03,048 --> 00:07:05,884 Don't ever bring your purple belt to work 143 00:07:06,009 --> 00:07:08,136 because someone might steal it. 144 00:07:08,219 --> 00:07:09,280 Okay, give that back to me. 145 00:07:09,304 --> 00:07:10,430 Okay. Say "please." 146 00:07:10,513 --> 00:07:12,098 No. That is not a toy. 147 00:07:12,182 --> 00:07:13,350 Please? Please! 148 00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:15,644 Good. And it absolutely is a toy. 149 00:07:15,727 --> 00:07:16,770 Arigato. 150 00:07:16,853 --> 00:07:18,438 Arigato. This is not a toy. 151 00:07:18,688 --> 00:07:22,025 This is a message for the entire office. 152 00:07:22,150 --> 00:07:26,112 So that everyone can see that I am capable of physically dominating them. 153 00:07:28,657 --> 00:07:31,785 And this is more of a ying-Yang thing. 154 00:07:31,868 --> 00:07:34,871 The "Michael" is all cursives, "Scott" all caps. 155 00:07:35,038 --> 00:07:38,792 Left brain, right brain, or duality of man. 156 00:07:38,917 --> 00:07:39,960 (Knocking on window) 157 00:07:40,043 --> 00:07:42,045 Could you practice on the forms? 158 00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:47,652 No women or children, unless provoked. 159 00:07:47,676 --> 00:07:48,677 Okay. 160 00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:49,886 Roy. 161 00:07:49,970 --> 00:07:51,304 Warehouse guy, doesn't count. 162 00:07:51,388 --> 00:07:52,389 Okay. 163 00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:54,557 Michael. Could you beat up Michael? 164 00:07:54,641 --> 00:07:55,993 Yeah, I don't think that would happen. 165 00:07:56,017 --> 00:07:57,060 Because we're friends. 166 00:07:57,143 --> 00:07:59,187 Because I would kick his ass. 167 00:07:59,270 --> 00:08:01,481 Well, Dwight's a purple belt, so... 168 00:08:03,066 --> 00:08:04,901 I've beat up black belts. Yeah. 169 00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:07,028 And how did you know they were black belts? 170 00:08:07,112 --> 00:08:08,571 They told me after. 171 00:08:09,531 --> 00:08:13,118 See, I used to run with a very tough crowd, street fighter types. 172 00:08:13,702 --> 00:08:17,789 Real, real bad people. I'm just lucky I got out. 173 00:08:18,581 --> 00:08:20,583 Is your wife still your contact? 174 00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:22,752 Ex-wife. Yeah. 175 00:08:23,670 --> 00:08:25,463 Her last name's Becker now. 176 00:08:27,298 --> 00:08:28,383 Okay. 177 00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:30,552 You don't need to write "ex." 178 00:08:31,094 --> 00:08:35,265 And after that, nobody ever messed with the damn rascals ever again. 179 00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:37,225 Sounds tough. 180 00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:39,769 When you're a jet, you're a jet all the way, right? 181 00:08:39,853 --> 00:08:40,895 You're a jet? 182 00:08:40,979 --> 00:08:42,373 Have you signed the expense reports yet? 183 00:08:42,397 --> 00:08:43,982 Yes, in theory I have. 184 00:08:44,065 --> 00:08:46,693 I just need to cross some t's and dot some I's. 185 00:08:48,153 --> 00:08:49,529 All right. 186 00:08:49,821 --> 00:08:53,992 I am going to be in my office, if anybody needs me. 187 00:08:54,117 --> 00:08:55,368 (Exclaims) 188 00:08:55,785 --> 00:08:57,162 Michael! Oh, wow! 189 00:08:57,328 --> 00:08:59,581 Sleeper hold! Bedtime for bonzo. 190 00:09:00,665 --> 00:09:01,666 (Michael shushing) 191 00:09:01,750 --> 00:09:02,876 (Michael exclaims) 192 00:09:02,959 --> 00:09:04,586 You are the weakest link! 193 00:09:04,669 --> 00:09:05,670 (Yells) 194 00:09:05,795 --> 00:09:08,298 I'm friends with everybody in this office. 195 00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:11,217 We're all best friends. I love everybody here. 196 00:09:11,509 --> 00:09:16,473 But sometimes your best friends start coming into work late, 197 00:09:16,765 --> 00:09:19,934 and start having dentist appointments that aren't dentist appointments, 198 00:09:20,018 --> 00:09:24,189 and that is when it's nice to let them know that you could beat them up. 199 00:09:24,314 --> 00:09:26,066 Just hit me, you'll see. 200 00:09:26,149 --> 00:09:28,610 I can't, 'cause I just got a manicure, so... 201 00:09:28,693 --> 00:09:30,695 Oh, queer! Eye... 202 00:09:30,779 --> 00:09:33,698 Queer eye, that's a good show. Important show. 203 00:09:33,823 --> 00:09:35,200 Go ahead. Do it. 204 00:09:35,283 --> 00:09:37,535 Just have Dwight punch you. Oh, yeah. 205 00:09:37,619 --> 00:09:39,659 Well, that would be kind of worthless because I know 206 00:09:39,704 --> 00:09:41,664 a ton of 14-year-old girls who could kick his ass. 207 00:09:41,748 --> 00:09:43,541 You know a ton of 14-year-old girls? 208 00:09:43,625 --> 00:09:44,918 What belt are they? 209 00:09:45,001 --> 00:09:47,003 Look, Dwight is a wuss. 210 00:09:47,253 --> 00:09:48,671 When we rented armageddon... no. 211 00:09:48,755 --> 00:09:50,191 He cried at the end of it. He did. 212 00:09:50,215 --> 00:09:52,359 Dwight: Michael, I told you. That was because it was new year's Eve 213 00:09:52,383 --> 00:09:54,803 and it started to snow at exactly midnight. 214 00:09:54,886 --> 00:09:57,514 "Bruce Willis, they're gonna leave him on the asteroid." 215 00:09:57,597 --> 00:09:58,765 Okay, I'll punch you. 216 00:09:58,848 --> 00:10:00,016 Oh, okay, here we go. 217 00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:01,559 All right, come on. 218 00:10:01,684 --> 00:10:02,769 (Exclaims) 219 00:10:02,894 --> 00:10:04,312 (Screams) 220 00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:07,065 (Groaning) 221 00:10:07,524 --> 00:10:11,152 Did I want to harm Michael? The one man I've been hired to protect? 222 00:10:11,277 --> 00:10:12,570 No, I did not. 223 00:10:12,821 --> 00:10:14,114 Are you okay? Yes. 224 00:10:14,572 --> 00:10:16,866 Are you sure you're all right? Yep, yep. 225 00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:19,285 Thank you. 226 00:10:24,082 --> 00:10:26,126 I come from a long line of fighters. 227 00:10:26,209 --> 00:10:29,504 My maternal grandfather was the toughest guy I ever knew. 228 00:10:29,587 --> 00:10:32,423 World war ii veteran, killed 20 men, 229 00:10:32,507 --> 00:10:35,635 then spent the rest of the war in an allied prison camp. 230 00:10:35,927 --> 00:10:40,890 My father battled blood pressure and obesity all his life. 231 00:10:41,933 --> 00:10:43,643 Different kind of fight. 232 00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:46,771 Okay, he has to be stopped. 233 00:10:47,021 --> 00:10:49,774 Please, please, please, please, just ask Michael. 234 00:10:51,818 --> 00:10:53,027 I don't know. 235 00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:54,279 (Exclaims) 236 00:10:56,447 --> 00:10:58,366 Okay, I'll buy you a bag of chips. 237 00:10:58,449 --> 00:10:59,701 French onion? 238 00:11:00,243 --> 00:11:01,911 Obviously. Why are you spinning around? 239 00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:03,329 Okay. Yes. 240 00:11:04,205 --> 00:11:06,082 Take this pen, okay, 241 00:11:06,541 --> 00:11:08,042 stab me with it. 242 00:11:08,418 --> 00:11:09,460 Michael: Go away. 243 00:11:09,544 --> 00:11:10,837 I just have a quick question. 244 00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:12,797 I haven't signed them, okay? 245 00:11:13,381 --> 00:11:14,841 No, it's not that. 246 00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:18,970 I was just wondering, since I'm probably gonna have to stay late, 247 00:11:19,053 --> 00:11:22,974 could you ask Dwight to stay late, too, so he can walk me to my car? 248 00:11:25,393 --> 00:11:26,853 Come in. 249 00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:31,232 Pam, I hate to break this to you, 250 00:11:31,316 --> 00:11:33,610 but Dwight can't stop you from being mugged. 251 00:11:33,693 --> 00:11:35,403 He's just not tough enough. 252 00:11:35,486 --> 00:11:36,964 He's a purple belt, that's really high. 253 00:11:36,988 --> 00:11:38,656 Oh, god, I could beat up Dwight. 254 00:11:38,740 --> 00:11:40,366 That's ridiculous. I can murder him. 255 00:11:40,450 --> 00:11:42,035 It's just that out there you... 256 00:11:42,118 --> 00:11:43,387 Oh, is that what they're saying? 257 00:11:43,411 --> 00:11:44,412 Yeah, kind of. 258 00:11:44,495 --> 00:11:46,331 Okay, all right. 259 00:11:47,415 --> 00:11:48,833 Where's Dwight? Jim: Kitchen. 260 00:11:48,917 --> 00:11:50,001 Okay. 261 00:11:54,505 --> 00:11:55,691 Dwight: All right. Here we go. 262 00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:56,758 (Kelly exclaims) 263 00:11:56,841 --> 00:11:58,718 Good. Wow, that's actually pretty cool, Dwight. 264 00:11:58,801 --> 00:12:00,529 Excellent. Now, watch. Let me take you from behind. 265 00:12:00,553 --> 00:12:01,822 What? Michael: Watch out, Kelly, 266 00:12:01,846 --> 00:12:03,223 he might sucker punch you. 267 00:12:03,306 --> 00:12:04,617 I didn't sucker punch you, Michael. 268 00:12:04,641 --> 00:12:05,642 No, really? 269 00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:07,894 In case you'd remember, I was defending my honor. 270 00:12:07,977 --> 00:12:09,145 ()h, is fltatit? Lmeasamumi 271 00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:11,314 yeah. Really? Well, the offer, Dwight, 272 00:12:11,397 --> 00:12:14,234 was for one punch, which I absorbed. 273 00:12:14,317 --> 00:12:16,736 I had no idea that there would be a second punch. 274 00:12:16,819 --> 00:12:18,613 So, catch-22. 275 00:12:18,696 --> 00:12:19,739 Dwight: Okay, fine. 276 00:12:20,698 --> 00:12:23,785 Tit for tit. Give it your best shot. Two punches. Go! 277 00:12:24,118 --> 00:12:27,580 Look, if we were in a bar right now, there would be two punches. 278 00:12:27,664 --> 00:12:29,304 Me punching you and you hitting the floor. 279 00:12:29,332 --> 00:12:30,833 No, I'd block yourfhstpunch_. Yeah? 280 00:12:30,917 --> 00:12:31,977 Rendering you ineffective. Oh, really? 281 00:12:32,001 --> 00:12:33,002 Yeah. You know what, 282 00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:34,730 you're just lucky that we're at work right now. 283 00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:36,464 What about, uh, Dwight's dojo? 284 00:12:36,547 --> 00:12:38,049 No, they just have classes. 285 00:12:38,132 --> 00:12:39,968 Nojtsfieedunngtheday itsfine. Look_. 286 00:12:40,051 --> 00:12:41,261 I got the key. 287 00:12:41,344 --> 00:12:42,637 Hey, Michael. Hey, Toby. 288 00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:44,240 Any word on those time cards? I have an idea. 289 00:12:44,264 --> 00:12:45,848 Why don't you leave right now? 290 00:12:45,932 --> 00:12:48,476 Why don't you walk away from the room, okay? 291 00:12:49,644 --> 00:12:51,938 Fine. We'll go at lunch. 292 00:12:53,189 --> 00:12:55,942 Pam, make an announcement. 293 00:12:56,818 --> 00:12:58,319 Figure out car pools. 294 00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:04,033 Jim: Well, we're all getting excited to see this fight. 295 00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:07,704 The Albany branch is working right through lunch to prevent downsizing, 296 00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:11,374 but Michael, he decided to extend our lunch by an hour 297 00:13:11,457 --> 00:13:15,169 so that we could all go down to the dojo and watch him fight Dwight. 298 00:13:15,878 --> 00:13:18,881 Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! 299 00:13:19,716 --> 00:13:21,134 I'm coming. Fight! 300 00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:26,514 Sorry. 301 00:13:35,189 --> 00:13:36,733 I recognize that. 302 00:13:37,275 --> 00:13:39,485 That is Japanese for California roll. 303 00:13:39,736 --> 00:13:40,737 No, it's not. 304 00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:42,131 I think it is, a guy told me about that. 305 00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:43,955 Actually it's a symbol for eternal discipline. 306 00:13:45,283 --> 00:13:46,701 Wow. That is really interesting. 307 00:13:46,784 --> 00:13:48,036 What? 308 00:13:48,119 --> 00:13:50,621 Your love line... I'm just kidding. I can't see anything. 309 00:13:50,705 --> 00:13:51,914 Look closer. 310 00:13:52,957 --> 00:13:54,584 Oh, okay. One point for me. 311 00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:55,835 Tied up. Oh, you're dead. 312 00:13:55,918 --> 00:13:58,254 What? What are you gonna do? Bring it, beesley, bring it. 313 00:13:58,338 --> 00:13:59,339 (Grunts) 314 00:13:59,422 --> 00:14:00,798 Oh, yeah. Good move. 315 00:14:00,882 --> 00:14:02,633 Not such an ultimate fighter now, huh? 316 00:14:02,717 --> 00:14:05,303 (Laughing) Hey, put me down. Put me down! 317 00:14:05,428 --> 00:14:08,014 Oh, my god! Hey, put me down! Hey! 318 00:14:13,311 --> 00:14:15,104 Ira: Okay, gentlemen, listen up. 319 00:14:15,605 --> 00:14:18,983 After a clean strike to the chest, stomach or kidneys, 320 00:14:19,150 --> 00:14:21,110 I will separate you and award a point. 321 00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:23,404 The first person to three wins, all right? Yes, sensei. 322 00:14:23,488 --> 00:14:24,614 Lot of rules, lot of rules. 323 00:14:24,697 --> 00:14:27,200 On the street, we didn't have any rules. Maybe one. 324 00:14:27,283 --> 00:14:29,619 No kicks to the groin, home for dinner. 325 00:14:30,244 --> 00:14:31,454 (Exclaims) 326 00:14:31,537 --> 00:14:33,289 Hey, what the hell was that? 327 00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:34,374 Yes! 328 00:14:34,457 --> 00:14:35,768 Ira: Dwight, one point. No way! Okay! 329 00:14:35,792 --> 00:14:36,793 Eat it! 330 00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:38,187 All right, that's the way you wanna do it? 331 00:14:38,211 --> 00:14:40,797 You wanna play dirty, huh? Okay, game on, man! 332 00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:42,006 Sweep the leg. 333 00:14:42,090 --> 00:14:43,570 Michael: Yeah, I'm coming at you, man! 334 00:14:43,674 --> 00:14:45,385 (Breathing quickly) 335 00:14:48,429 --> 00:14:49,597 (Michael exclaims) 336 00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:52,141 Okay, purple belt, okay. 337 00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:53,559 I got it. No. 338 00:14:53,643 --> 00:14:55,728 I got his pants. That was my pants. 339 00:14:55,812 --> 00:14:57,480 No points for pants. 340 00:14:58,022 --> 00:15:01,818 Dwight, you have... no, look. No, you have something, you have some... 341 00:15:02,276 --> 00:15:04,320 God, you look like such an idiot! 342 00:15:04,487 --> 00:15:05,905 (Both shouting) 343 00:15:13,287 --> 00:15:15,224 Clean technique, gentlemen. Come on, do that again! 344 00:15:15,248 --> 00:15:16,958 Do that again, I dare you. 345 00:15:17,041 --> 00:15:18,418 (Screaming) 346 00:15:18,751 --> 00:15:21,003 Okay, break. Break! No holding! Break. 347 00:15:21,212 --> 00:15:23,881 Oh, you can't see! You can't see! 348 00:15:24,215 --> 00:15:26,634 One point, two points, three points! 349 00:15:26,884 --> 00:15:28,324 Ira: Break! How many points was that? 350 00:15:28,386 --> 00:15:30,179 Iwin! Iwin! 351 00:15:31,722 --> 00:15:34,308 No, you didn't! No, you... 352 00:15:34,684 --> 00:15:37,019 Eight points, nine points. 353 00:15:37,103 --> 00:15:38,187 (Hawking) 354 00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:39,564 Stop it! No! 355 00:15:39,897 --> 00:15:41,482 Come on, Michael! 356 00:15:41,566 --> 00:15:43,526 Open your mouth! No, Michael! 357 00:15:59,292 --> 00:16:00,710 You talking to me? 358 00:16:01,252 --> 00:16:02,670 You talking to me? 359 00:16:03,588 --> 00:16:05,631 Raging bull. Pacino. 360 00:16:05,715 --> 00:16:08,384 Oh, I want that footage, I want it. I need it. 361 00:16:08,801 --> 00:16:11,929 Oh, I have to get back to work. I have lots of work to... 362 00:16:12,054 --> 00:16:13,806 Check this out. Come here. 363 00:16:14,098 --> 00:16:15,266 There he is. 364 00:16:15,349 --> 00:16:19,228 Mr. Temp having lunch by the car. 365 00:16:19,687 --> 00:16:23,191 Let us play with him. This is going to be hilarious. 366 00:16:30,531 --> 00:16:32,950 Oh, we're playing phone tag. 367 00:16:33,743 --> 00:16:35,578 Woman on phone: Seven new messages. 368 00:16:35,661 --> 00:16:37,163 First new message: 369 00:16:37,246 --> 00:16:40,333 Michael: Hi, Ryan. This is Saddam Hussein. 370 00:16:40,958 --> 00:16:42,001 Next message: 371 00:16:42,084 --> 00:16:44,378 Hey, Ryan, this is your girlfriend 372 00:16:44,712 --> 00:16:46,589 and I'm mad. 373 00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:11,781 My emergency contact is Todd packer. 374 00:17:12,156 --> 00:17:14,408 Todd f. Packer. 375 00:17:15,159 --> 00:17:16,994 Know what the "f" stands for? Fudge? 376 00:17:17,078 --> 00:17:18,079 (Knocking on door) 377 00:17:18,162 --> 00:17:20,414 Yeah. Come in. 378 00:17:20,748 --> 00:17:22,416 Oh, hey, karate kid. 379 00:17:22,750 --> 00:17:24,377 The hilary swank version. 380 00:17:24,460 --> 00:17:26,087 Hi. How are you? 381 00:17:26,671 --> 00:17:29,131 I need to change my emergency contact information 382 00:17:29,215 --> 00:17:30,883 from Michael Scott. 383 00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:32,051 Okay, to what? 384 00:17:32,134 --> 00:17:33,261 Just put 385 00:17:34,637 --> 00:17:36,180 "the hospital." 386 00:17:36,514 --> 00:17:39,350 Contact number, just put 911. 387 00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:40,893 (Scratching) 388 00:17:41,352 --> 00:17:43,062 He is such a sore loser. 389 00:17:43,187 --> 00:17:47,066 You heard, obviously, that I mopped the floor with him this afternoon. 390 00:17:49,026 --> 00:17:50,152 You know what, 391 00:17:50,236 --> 00:17:52,822 do yourself a favor. Just leave me as his contact 392 00:17:52,905 --> 00:17:54,740 and I will call the hospital. 393 00:17:54,824 --> 00:17:56,450 Cut out the middleman. 394 00:17:56,784 --> 00:17:58,202 (Scratching) 395 00:18:06,419 --> 00:18:08,212 Later, Jim. Later, kev. 396 00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:16,470 Have a good weekend. 397 00:18:16,554 --> 00:18:17,805 Yeah, you, too. 398 00:18:28,816 --> 00:18:29,817 (Knocking on door) 399 00:18:29,900 --> 00:18:30,943 Yeah? 400 00:18:31,027 --> 00:18:32,653 I have the emergency contacts. 401 00:18:32,737 --> 00:18:35,239 Just lay them on a chair. I'll take it from here. 402 00:18:35,323 --> 00:18:37,950 So, what you up to this weekend? 403 00:18:39,702 --> 00:18:41,096 Hanging out with some friends, probably. 404 00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:43,289 Well, if you do anything crazy, give me a shout. 405 00:18:43,372 --> 00:18:45,291 Yeah. All right, I will see you Monday. 406 00:18:45,374 --> 00:18:46,417 All right. 407 00:18:48,919 --> 00:18:50,129 (Sighing) 408 00:18:56,385 --> 00:18:57,386 Dwight? 409 00:18:57,470 --> 00:18:59,472 Michael, did you finish yet? This close. 410 00:18:59,555 --> 00:19:00,824 Dwight, may I speak with you for a minute? 411 00:19:00,848 --> 00:19:01,932 I'm busy. 412 00:19:02,016 --> 00:19:04,268 Well, busier, but I'm making the time. 413 00:19:04,352 --> 00:19:06,562 Michael, can't your conversation wait till Monday? 414 00:19:06,646 --> 00:19:07,730 We wanna go home. 415 00:19:07,813 --> 00:19:10,167 Well, you don't even have anybody to go home to, Toby, so... 416 00:19:10,191 --> 00:19:11,791 The shipping place closes in a half hour. 417 00:19:11,859 --> 00:19:12,902 I know, 418 00:19:12,985 --> 00:19:16,530 but I have been carrying the load on my back all day. 419 00:19:16,614 --> 00:19:19,992 And if everyone would just chip in a little bit, 420 00:19:20,451 --> 00:19:22,119 it might help me out. 421 00:19:22,328 --> 00:19:25,164 What do you say? Let's gang-bang this thing and go home. 422 00:19:25,247 --> 00:19:26,874 Good? Dwight. 423 00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:36,467 This is illegal. I don't care. 424 00:19:39,929 --> 00:19:43,224 I have been testing you the entire day. Did you know that? 425 00:19:45,810 --> 00:19:47,019 Of course. 426 00:19:47,311 --> 00:19:49,480 And I'm happy to say that you passed. 427 00:19:50,439 --> 00:19:52,983 So, effective immediately, I am promoting you 428 00:19:53,317 --> 00:19:57,279 from assistant to the regional manager, to assistant regional manager. 429 00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:02,576 Michael, I don't know... 430 00:20:02,660 --> 00:20:03,703 I know, 431 00:20:03,786 --> 00:20:05,496 I know, I know, I know. 432 00:20:05,579 --> 00:20:08,124 I wouldn't be offering it if I didn't think you could handle it. 433 00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:09,417 I can handle it. I can. 434 00:20:09,500 --> 00:20:10,668 I know. Okay. 435 00:20:11,544 --> 00:20:12,795 (Sighs) 436 00:20:14,046 --> 00:20:17,049 So, I guess, this will just be my office. 437 00:20:17,133 --> 00:20:20,052 No, no, title change only. 438 00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:22,263 I'll have Pam send out a memo. No, no. 439 00:20:22,346 --> 00:20:23,764 Three month probationary period. 440 00:20:23,848 --> 00:20:26,684 Let's just not tell anybody about this right now. 441 00:20:26,767 --> 00:20:29,770 Just a formality. Absolutely. But not really. 442 00:20:30,187 --> 00:20:31,564 Michael, 443 00:20:35,192 --> 00:20:38,779 I have so much to learn from you. 444 00:20:39,196 --> 00:20:40,448 Yes, you do. 445 00:20:44,285 --> 00:20:45,911 Thank you, 446 00:20:47,288 --> 00:20:48,456 sensei 447 00:20:51,917 --> 00:20:53,753 and, ditto. 448 00:20:55,045 --> 00:20:58,215 I told Dwight that there is honor in losing, 449 00:20:58,299 --> 00:21:01,051 which, as we all know, is completely ridiculous. 450 00:21:01,385 --> 00:21:04,764 But there is, however, honor in making a loser feel better, 451 00:21:04,889 --> 00:21:07,057 which is what I just did for Dwight. 452 00:21:07,683 --> 00:21:10,394 Would I rather be feared or loved? 453 00:21:11,437 --> 00:21:12,813 Easy. Both. 454 00:21:13,314 --> 00:21:16,192 I want people to be afraid of how much they love me, 455 00:21:16,734 --> 00:21:19,612 and I think I proved that today at the dojo. 456 00:21:19,737 --> 00:21:21,405 Typemnnertoflure! Senseh 457 00:21:21,489 --> 00:21:23,073 typewriter torture! Stop! 458 00:21:23,157 --> 00:21:24,492 Typewriter!