1
00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:10,219
So have you found a band yet
for your wedding?

2
00:00:10,594 --> 00:00:12,596
No. 'Cause I'm in a band.

3
00:00:12,721 --> 00:00:14,014
We really rock.

4
00:00:14,097 --> 00:00:15,283
Yeah. I mean, it's inevitable.

5
00:00:15,307 --> 00:00:19,061
I definitely overhear some wedding
preparation, but I'm fine with it.

6
00:00:19,436 --> 00:00:21,730
She hears me
arranging my social life.

7
00:00:21,855 --> 00:00:25,526
And we both have to hear Dwight
order deer urine over the Internet.

8
00:00:25,692 --> 00:00:27,069
So it evens out.

9
00:00:27,903 --> 00:00:29,321
Oh, I got the save-the-date.
Yeah?

10
00:00:29,404 --> 00:00:31,281
Yeah. Pretty stationery.
Oh, thanks.

11
00:00:31,365 --> 00:00:32,991
Angela: I didn't get mine yet.

12
00:00:37,246 --> 00:00:39,957
There are a few people
I decided not to invite,

13
00:00:40,666 --> 00:00:44,044
and that might make things
kind of awkward,

14
00:00:44,670 --> 00:00:46,046
but it's my wedding.

15
00:00:46,755 --> 00:00:49,925
And I don't want anyone there
who has called me a hussy.

16
00:01:23,458 --> 00:01:26,795
Yes, thanks. Fantastic sams,
adult cut plus.

17
00:01:26,878 --> 00:01:29,464
Comes with a shampoo
and blow-dry.

18
00:01:30,257 --> 00:01:33,385
We're doing ID photos today.
Gotta represent.

19
00:01:34,553 --> 00:01:36,680
On or off? Off.

20
00:01:36,847 --> 00:01:37,848
Okay.

21
00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:42,561
Oh, what is on your face?
Is that a disguise?

22
00:01:43,395 --> 00:01:44,438
Excuse me.

23
00:01:45,897 --> 00:01:47,149
Clown paint.

24
00:01:47,774 --> 00:01:51,612
ID badges are long overdue.
Security in this office park is a joke.

25
00:01:51,695 --> 00:01:55,073
Last year, I came to work with
my spud gun in a duffel bag.

26
00:01:55,324 --> 00:01:57,200
I sat at my desk all day

27
00:01:57,367 --> 00:02:00,662
with a rifle that shoots potatoes
at 60 pounds per square inch.

28
00:02:01,204 --> 00:02:03,707
Can you imagine
if I was deranged?

29
00:02:04,499 --> 00:02:05,917
Michael: That's a nice tie.

30
00:02:08,211 --> 00:02:09,254
Thank you.

31
00:02:09,338 --> 00:02:12,424
That is... who makes that?
I don't know.

32
00:02:12,507 --> 00:02:14,968
Do you mind if I
wear that for the photo?

33
00:02:15,469 --> 00:02:18,013
Let's... let's keep our clothes.

34
00:02:19,097 --> 00:02:20,724
Oscar: It's like child abuse!

35
00:02:21,892 --> 00:02:26,313
I say, if Jesus saw that, he'd
freak out! He'd freak out, Toby!

36
00:02:26,396 --> 00:02:28,023
I mean, on so many levels!

37
00:02:28,106 --> 00:02:29,959
And I'm supposed to work
there? I'm supposed to...

38
00:02:29,983 --> 00:02:31,526
What's the dealio?

39
00:02:31,860 --> 00:02:34,946
Just letting Oscar vent a little.
We would use the break room,

40
00:02:35,030 --> 00:02:36,341
but the photographer's
back there.

41
00:02:36,365 --> 00:02:38,158
What's the problem? Angela.

42
00:02:38,241 --> 00:02:41,995
There's just a little dispute
over a poster in their workspace.

43
00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:43,163
Since Christmas.

44
00:02:43,246 --> 00:02:44,873
So, what,
you're having a little spat?

45
00:02:44,956 --> 00:02:46,875
I forget, are you guys dating?
No.

46
00:02:46,958 --> 00:02:49,878
Michael, can I talk to you
for a second, please?

47
00:02:49,961 --> 00:02:50,962
Yes.

48
00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:54,216
Here's how I usually handle
this. All I do is listen, you know?

49
00:02:54,299 --> 00:02:56,551
These things just have a way
of working themselves out.

50
00:02:56,635 --> 00:02:59,596
It's like if you write someone a
letter when you're really angry,

51
00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:01,449
they say to keep it in a
drawer for a couple of days

52
00:03:01,473 --> 00:03:03,475
and then you just
never end up sending it.

53
00:03:03,558 --> 00:03:05,477
What do you know
about conflict resolution?

54
00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:08,355
Your answer to everything
is to get divorced. So...

55
00:03:08,438 --> 00:03:09,564
Okay. Okay, what?

56
00:03:09,648 --> 00:03:10,728
That was the right decision

57
00:03:10,774 --> 00:03:13,044
for me and my marriage. Yeah.
Well, that's not gonna fly here,

58
00:03:13,068 --> 00:03:15,779
because in this office
it is fill death do us part.

59
00:03:15,862 --> 00:03:17,823
Assuming that we don't
get downsized.

60
00:03:17,906 --> 00:03:22,494
Pam, would you get Angela and
meet us in the conference room, please?

61
00:03:23,328 --> 00:03:25,872
A "mediators toolchest."

62
00:03:28,291 --> 00:03:31,628
Okay. Well, before we get
started, you should know

63
00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:35,507
that there are five
different styles of conflict.

64
00:03:35,590 --> 00:03:39,553
(In mock Asian accent) My Shaolin
temple ster defeats your monkey ster.

65
00:03:39,636 --> 00:03:42,764
Can we go? I have a lot of
work to do. No. This is important.

66
00:03:42,848 --> 00:03:45,767
Okay. The first ster
islosejose. What's the next one?

67
00:03:45,851 --> 00:03:49,396
Just hold on, please. Okay.

68
00:03:49,688 --> 00:03:53,358
If we do lose-lose, neither
of you gets what you want.

69
00:03:54,359 --> 00:03:55,777
Do you understand?

70
00:03:58,029 --> 00:04:00,282
You would both lose.

71
00:04:00,824 --> 00:04:05,662
Now, I need to ask you, do you
want to pursue a lose-lose negotiation?

72
00:04:07,038 --> 00:04:10,333
Can we just skip to whatever
number five is, win-win or whatever.

73
00:04:10,417 --> 00:04:12,461
Win-win is number four.

74
00:04:12,961 --> 00:04:15,630
And number five is win-win-win.

75
00:04:15,714 --> 00:04:19,676
The important difference here
is with win-win-win, we all win.

76
00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:24,681
Me, too. Iwin for having successfully
mediated a conflict at work.

77
00:04:26,057 --> 00:04:28,935
Okay. So this is
the disputed poster.

78
00:04:29,060 --> 00:04:33,940
Now, one at a time, I want
you to express your feelings,

79
00:04:34,065 --> 00:04:37,194
using emotion language,

80
00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:40,405
and no judging
or "you" statements.

81
00:04:40,572 --> 00:04:44,618
I got this poster for Christmas
and I feel I want to see it every day.

82
00:04:44,868 --> 00:04:47,412
It makes me feel like the
babies are the true artists,

83
00:04:47,496 --> 00:04:49,873
and god has
a really cute sense of humor.

84
00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:53,210
Come on. Seriously, that?
I don't like looking at it.

85
00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:56,213
It's creepy and in bad taste,
and it's just offensive to me.

86
00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:59,007
It makes me think of the
horrible, frigid stage mothers

87
00:04:59,090 --> 00:05:00,926
who forced the babies into it.

88
00:05:01,009 --> 00:05:05,472
It's kitsch. It's the opposite of
art. It destroys art, it destroys souls.

89
00:05:05,555 --> 00:05:07,808
This is so much more offensive
to me than hard-core porn.

90
00:05:07,891 --> 00:05:10,769
Okay, okay, okay.
Stop. Stop. Stop.

91
00:05:10,852 --> 00:05:15,607
Let's see if we can't just brainstorm
and find some creative alternatives

92
00:05:15,690 --> 00:05:17,108
that are win-win. Win.

93
00:05:17,192 --> 00:05:18,276
Yes. Thank you, Pam.

94
00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:22,239
How about Angela makes
the poster into a t-shirt,

95
00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:25,992
which Oscar wears.
That way he can never see it

96
00:05:26,076 --> 00:05:29,704
and whenever she looks
at Oscar, she can see it.

97
00:05:29,996 --> 00:05:31,790
Win-win-win. No.

98
00:05:31,873 --> 00:05:32,874
That's... no.

99
00:05:32,958 --> 00:05:35,210
Okay. Well, brainstorm.
Own the solution.

100
00:05:35,293 --> 00:05:36,711
How about I leave it up?

101
00:05:36,795 --> 00:05:38,338
How about she takes it down?

102
00:05:38,463 --> 00:05:42,425
How about Angela can keep it
up on Tuesdays and Thursdays?

103
00:05:42,509 --> 00:05:45,887
Okay. That is called
a compromise.

104
00:05:45,971 --> 00:05:49,307
And it is style three,
and it is not ideal.

105
00:05:49,391 --> 00:05:52,978
To sum up, win-win: Make
the poster into a t-shirt.

106
00:05:53,061 --> 00:05:55,397
Win-lose: Take the poster down.

107
00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:57,399
Compromise:
Tuesdays and Thursdays.

108
00:05:57,482 --> 00:05:59,568
And the answer is

109
00:06:00,819 --> 00:06:03,780
make the poster
into a t-shirt. Win-win.

110
00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:04,865
Win. Fine.

111
00:06:04,948 --> 00:06:06,908
But” hisdone.

112
00:06:10,328 --> 00:06:12,289
No, you're all good. Great.

113
00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:20,630
Pam: Hey, Angela.
I didn't have your zip code.

114
00:06:20,964 --> 00:06:22,549
Oh. Thanks.

115
00:06:24,885 --> 00:06:28,847
It was hand-delivered. But I
did get a save-the-date after all.

116
00:06:29,973 --> 00:06:31,516
It's not my taste.

117
00:06:32,017 --> 00:06:34,144
You solved it? Yes.

118
00:06:34,227 --> 00:06:37,397
Well, good.
We can throw that one out.

119
00:06:38,690 --> 00:06:40,567
Are those all the other
complaints? Mmm-hmm.

120
00:06:40,650 --> 00:06:42,485
I would like to see those,
please.

121
00:06:42,569 --> 00:06:45,739
I can't do that.
You can't do that, huh?

122
00:06:46,114 --> 00:06:47,115
Okay.

123
00:06:47,198 --> 00:06:50,994
Now you and I have a conflict.
I order you to give me that file.

124
00:06:51,620 --> 00:06:54,039
Okay. That_

125
00:06:57,125 --> 00:06:58,793
There. No more conflict.

126
00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:01,796
I had to use win-lose on that.
It was not pretty.

127
00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:03,757
All right. Is that it?

128
00:07:10,597 --> 00:07:11,932
It's all Dwight's.

129
00:07:12,015 --> 00:07:15,477
Every Friday at 4:00 I have a
standing appointmentwith Dwight

130
00:07:15,560 --> 00:07:17,812
for him to file
a grievance against Jim.

131
00:07:17,896 --> 00:07:21,149
I tell him that I'm sending them
to a special file in New York.

132
00:07:21,232 --> 00:07:23,860
That box is the special file
in New York.

133
00:07:23,944 --> 00:07:26,488
Oh, god. All right.

134
00:07:27,155 --> 00:07:28,949
Why do I have to do everything?

135
00:07:29,032 --> 00:07:31,868
Photographer: Are you sure?
Oh, he's sure. Just shoot.

136
00:07:36,539 --> 00:07:38,416
This is from Kevin.

137
00:07:38,500 --> 00:07:41,962
He says Stanley uses his
miracle whip without asking.

138
00:07:42,045 --> 00:07:45,840
Meredith complains that everyone
talks too loud in the morning

139
00:07:45,924 --> 00:07:47,842
and the lights are too bright.

140
00:07:48,259 --> 00:07:49,386
Creed...

141
00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:50,929
(Muttering)

142
00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:54,432
Creed is sick of looking
at the redhead all day,

143
00:07:54,516 --> 00:07:58,436
and wants a seat facing
the receptionist. Nice.

144
00:07:58,520 --> 00:08:02,941
You will notice that not one of
these complaints is against me.

145
00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:07,070
Actually, I have a separate folder
for complaints against Michael.

146
00:08:07,237 --> 00:08:10,031
This is January

147
00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:12,867
through march of this year.

148
00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:19,416
How many of you have,
at one time, gone to Toby

149
00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:21,668
to complain
about another employee?

150
00:08:23,461 --> 00:08:25,338
And did you get what you wanted?

151
00:08:25,422 --> 00:08:27,465
Or were you merely listened to,

152
00:08:27,882 --> 00:08:30,260
you forget about your problem
and you move on?

153
00:08:30,343 --> 00:08:31,904
All: (Mumbling) Merely
listened to and forgotten.

154
00:08:31,928 --> 00:08:33,471
That is outrageous.

155
00:08:33,888 --> 00:08:35,598
I love this place,

156
00:08:36,224 --> 00:08:40,979
and it pains me to see all
of the negativity festering.

157
00:08:42,355 --> 00:08:43,398
Okay.

158
00:08:43,565 --> 00:08:48,528
Today we are going to get everything
out of these files and into the open

159
00:08:48,737 --> 00:08:50,113
where it can be resolved.

160
00:08:50,196 --> 00:08:53,783
All right. How about
the Phyllis-Angela dispute.

161
00:08:53,867 --> 00:08:56,411
You already did me.
Michael: That's what she said.

162
00:08:56,703 --> 00:09:00,874
The thing is, Angela,
you are in here an awful lot.

163
00:09:00,957 --> 00:09:04,127
You have complained about
everybody in the office, except Dwight,

164
00:09:04,210 --> 00:09:07,881
which is odd because everyone
else has had run-ins with Dwight.

165
00:09:08,214 --> 00:09:10,383
Toby, by the way,
what does "redacted" mean?

166
00:09:10,467 --> 00:09:13,470
There is a file full of complaints
in here marked "redacted"?

167
00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:16,514
Yeah. It just means whoever complained
came to me later and withdrew it.

168
00:09:16,598 --> 00:09:19,309
So, I just took their
name off. Okay.

169
00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:21,978
There were a bunch
of complaints about Dwight

170
00:09:22,062 --> 00:09:24,248
that were put in the redacted
file about six months ago.

171
00:09:24,272 --> 00:09:28,735
Wait. If someone has a problem with me,
why would they withdraw it six months ago?

172
00:09:32,864 --> 00:09:34,157
Let's move on.

173
00:09:34,699 --> 00:09:37,410
I volunteer. Did anyone
have a problem with me?

174
00:09:37,494 --> 00:09:40,038
All right. Pamela! Come on down!

175
00:09:40,371 --> 00:09:41,623
Let's do it.

176
00:09:41,998 --> 00:09:45,668
And... okay. Just one complaint.

177
00:09:46,002 --> 00:09:49,547
Actually, it has been withdrawn.
So that is no help to us. Next!

178
00:09:49,631 --> 00:09:50,924
Wait. What did it say?

179
00:09:51,007 --> 00:09:53,885
"Does she have to plan
her wedding on office time?"

180
00:09:54,010 --> 00:09:56,054
"Shouldn't she do that at home?"

181
00:09:57,055 --> 00:09:58,098
Michael: Who else?

182
00:09:58,765 --> 00:10:02,060
Why don't we just warm up first?
Warm up emotionally. All right?

183
00:10:02,185 --> 00:10:04,312
Pam: I have this kind of
big secret about Angela.

184
00:10:04,395 --> 00:10:08,066
And I've been really nice to her,
and I haven't told anyone, and_.

185
00:10:08,733 --> 00:10:09,984
What the hell!

186
00:10:10,235 --> 00:10:12,737
Here is a Kelly complaint.

187
00:10:12,862 --> 00:10:16,032
"Ryan never returns my calls."
Join the club.

188
00:10:17,283 --> 00:10:19,786
My voicemail's
real spotty sometimes.

189
00:10:19,869 --> 00:10:21,913
I didn't file a complaint.
I was just talking.

190
00:10:21,996 --> 00:10:23,414
To your hr representative.

191
00:10:23,498 --> 00:10:26,167
To my friend, I thought.
I want that withdrawn.

192
00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:29,879
Fine. I'll take your name off
so no one will know.

193
00:10:31,714 --> 00:10:33,550
Making progress. Yes?

194
00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:34,944
Dwight tried to kiss me.
Dwight: What?

195
00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:37,488
And I didn't tell anyone 'cause I'm
not really sure how I feel about it.

196
00:10:37,512 --> 00:10:40,014
That is not true.
Redact it. Redact it.

197
00:10:40,098 --> 00:10:41,617
Well, I'm not actually
making a formal complaint.

198
00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:43,361
I just really think
we should talk about it.

199
00:10:43,434 --> 00:10:46,187
Okay. Question. When a name
is withdrawn, does that also apply

200
00:10:46,271 --> 00:10:48,982
to the permanent
misbehavior file in New York?

201
00:10:49,858 --> 00:10:50,900
Sure.

202
00:10:52,068 --> 00:10:54,487
Michael: Stanley, you got a
lot of anger underthere, buddy...

203
00:10:54,571 --> 00:10:57,157
Hey, thanks for ratting
me out. I didn't do it.

204
00:10:57,240 --> 00:11:00,511
I find that hard to believe, considering
you have problems with every single person

205
00:11:00,535 --> 00:11:03,454
in this entire office
except bobblehead Joe.

206
00:11:05,415 --> 00:11:10,378
Someone complained that
the men's room is whites only.

207
00:11:10,795 --> 00:11:13,756
Stanley, you know that's
not true. I didn't say that.

208
00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:16,926
Then why is there a picture
of a white man on the door.

209
00:11:20,847 --> 00:11:24,559
Okay. Phyllis, you complained
that Angela is giving you dirty looks

210
00:11:24,642 --> 00:11:27,187
and you tried to get off
the party-planning committee.

211
00:11:27,270 --> 00:11:30,440
I never said any such thing.
Angela and I are close.

212
00:11:30,565 --> 00:11:34,611
And, also, Phyllis, Stanley
says that you cry too much

213
00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:35,862
and that that bugs him.

214
00:11:35,945 --> 00:11:38,948
Stanley and I are close, too.
We sit close.

215
00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:40,074
Michael: Okay.

216
00:11:42,577 --> 00:11:43,870
Just take it.

217
00:11:45,747 --> 00:11:47,332
I can't believe Angela.

218
00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:50,793
And iwent against my betterjudgment
and I gave her a save-the-date.

219
00:11:50,877 --> 00:11:53,087
And now it turns out she
complained about me to Toby.

220
00:11:53,171 --> 00:11:54,797
Well, it was redacted.

221
00:11:55,798 --> 00:11:59,093
Look, if she wants an invite,
maybe she's just trying to be friends.

222
00:11:59,177 --> 00:12:00,845
Don't take her side.

223
00:12:03,306 --> 00:12:04,986
Well, what does Roy think
about everything?

224
00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:07,538
I don't know. I try not to bother
him about this kind of stuff.

225
00:12:07,602 --> 00:12:09,520
You mean, like your thoughts
and feelings.

226
00:12:09,604 --> 00:12:10,605
Yeah. Yeah.

227
00:12:11,856 --> 00:12:14,984
I know you keep saying it's your space
even though there's no assigned parking,

228
00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:16,152
but I keep forgetting.

229
00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:18,488
Yes, that's the problem.
I guess so.

230
00:12:19,781 --> 00:12:21,658
Okay. Well, all settled then.

231
00:12:23,868 --> 00:12:25,453
I don't like you.

232
00:12:26,412 --> 00:12:28,373
Okay. Ryan, you told Toby

233
00:12:28,456 --> 00:12:32,001
that creed has a distinct
old man smell?

234
00:12:34,337 --> 00:12:35,964
I know exactly
what he's talking about.

235
00:12:36,047 --> 00:12:39,384
I sprout mung beans on damp
paper towel in my desk drawer.

236
00:12:39,550 --> 00:12:42,178
Very nutritious,
but they smell like death.

237
00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:47,225
All right, Kevin. You are accused of making
sexually suggestive remarks to Angela

238
00:12:47,308 --> 00:12:49,394
that made her feel
uncomfortable.

239
00:12:49,477 --> 00:12:54,232
Solution: Angela, you are to make
sexually suggestive remarks to Kevin

240
00:12:54,315 --> 00:12:57,860
that will make him uncomfortable.
I accept your decision.

241
00:12:59,237 --> 00:13:02,282
Hey, you know what, Dwight? Maybe
we should get our photo ID taken together.

242
00:13:02,365 --> 00:13:05,326
That doesn't make any sense.
Well, it saves time, you know.

243
00:13:05,410 --> 00:13:08,454
'Cause we could just meet in the parking
lot every morning, walk in together.

244
00:13:08,538 --> 00:13:09,580
Perfect.

245
00:13:09,664 --> 00:13:10,999
Ph o to gra phe r: Smile. N o.

246
00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:13,459
I never smile, if I can help it.

247
00:13:13,543 --> 00:13:16,504
Showing one's teeth is a
submission signal in primates.

248
00:13:16,587 --> 00:13:20,967
When someone smiles at me, all I
see is a chimpanzee begging for its life.

249
00:13:23,469 --> 00:13:25,138
This came out really well.

250
00:13:25,847 --> 00:13:27,390
There you go.

251
00:13:32,103 --> 00:13:35,064
This is humongous.
I am not a security threat.

252
00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:39,235
And my middle name
is Kurt, not fart.

253
00:13:39,444 --> 00:13:40,778
What did I write?

254
00:13:44,407 --> 00:13:46,868
I have another complaint
for Jim's permanent file.

255
00:13:46,951 --> 00:13:49,162
Talk to Michael.
I gave him the box.

256
00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:51,122
What box?

257
00:13:53,624 --> 00:13:55,501
I didn't report yoursnonng_.

258
00:13:58,338 --> 00:14:01,466
Over here. God, god, god!

259
00:14:01,591 --> 00:14:03,134
No! No!

260
00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:05,863
Four years of malfeasance
unreported. This cannot stand.

261
00:14:05,887 --> 00:14:08,056
Okay. Calm down.
No, you calm down.

262
00:14:08,139 --> 00:14:09,783
Whose side is Toby on?
Whose side are you on?

263
00:14:09,807 --> 00:14:11,809
Hey! Him or me? Him or me?

264
00:14:11,893 --> 00:14:14,687
I cannot work with Jim
anymore. Either he goes or I go.

265
00:14:14,771 --> 00:14:16,189
Dwight. Stop. You choose!

266
00:14:16,272 --> 00:14:18,900
One of us is out of here
by the end of today!

267
00:14:22,403 --> 00:14:23,404
Okay.

268
00:14:25,740 --> 00:14:27,867
I am not bluffing. Okay?
Okay. Yes.

269
00:14:27,950 --> 00:14:29,230
Do the right thing here,
Michael.

270
00:14:29,285 --> 00:14:33,623
Okay. I have served you onally for
years. I deserve this. You know I do.

271
00:14:36,167 --> 00:14:38,920
You know, your ID says
you're a security threat.

272
00:14:39,629 --> 00:14:41,089
You have till 5:00.

273
00:14:42,423 --> 00:14:43,716
(Clearing throat)

274
00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:47,095
Dwight: Oh, look, Jim.

275
00:14:47,428 --> 00:14:50,556
There's a sales manager
position open in stamford.

276
00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:54,060
Want me to call jan and
tell her you're interested?

277
00:14:54,143 --> 00:14:57,897
I could put in a good word for
you 'cause I'll still be working here.

278
00:14:58,398 --> 00:15:00,066
Transfer. Transfer.

279
00:15:00,149 --> 00:15:03,820
Everybody! Transfer!
Transfer! Transfer!

280
00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:07,031
Okay, you two. In the
conference room with me.

281
00:15:07,532 --> 00:15:10,618
Nobody leaves
until we work this out.

282
00:15:10,993 --> 00:15:12,620
Cage match.

283
00:15:13,079 --> 00:15:15,998
Cage matches? Yeah, they work.
How could they not work?

284
00:15:16,082 --> 00:15:19,293
If they didn't work, everybody
would still be in the cage.

285
00:15:19,377 --> 00:15:21,129
Okay. So, Dwight,
in your own words,

286
00:15:21,212 --> 00:15:25,591
"someone replaced all my pens and pencils
with crayons. I suspect Jim Halpert.

287
00:15:26,551 --> 00:15:31,013
"Everyone has called me Dwayne all
day. I think Jim Halpert paid them to."

288
00:15:32,807 --> 00:15:36,394
Yes. 5 bucks each
and it was totally worth it.

289
00:15:36,644 --> 00:15:39,856
"This morning I found a
bloody glove in my desk drawer,

290
00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:43,192
"and Jim Halpert tried to
convince me I committed murder.

291
00:15:43,484 --> 00:15:45,736
"I think he may be
the real murderer."

292
00:15:45,820 --> 00:15:48,948
"Jim Halpert said there was an
abandoned infant in the women's room.

293
00:15:49,031 --> 00:15:52,285
"When I went to save the
child, I saw Meredith on the can."

294
00:15:53,161 --> 00:15:54,287
Gag.

295
00:15:55,329 --> 00:15:59,167
"This morning, I knocked myself
in the head with the phone."

296
00:16:01,586 --> 00:16:02,813
Jim: That actually took a while.

297
00:16:02,837 --> 00:16:05,756
I had to put more and more
nickels into his handset,

298
00:16:06,215 --> 00:16:09,802
till he got used to the weight.
And then I just took them all out.

299
00:16:10,178 --> 00:16:14,015
"Every time I typed my name,
it said diapers."

300
00:16:16,017 --> 00:16:17,602
Just a simple macro.

301
00:16:18,561 --> 00:16:22,231
You know, these actually don't
sound that funny, one after another.

302
00:16:22,648 --> 00:16:24,400
But he does deserve it, though.

303
00:16:24,484 --> 00:16:28,488
"By the end of the day, my desk
was about two feet closer to the copier."

304
00:16:29,363 --> 00:16:32,950
Yeah. I just moved it an inch
every time he went to the bathroom.

305
00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:36,787
And that's how I spent
my entire day, that day.

306
00:16:59,852 --> 00:17:04,106
Michael: The Japanese have
this thing called shiatsu massage,

307
00:17:04,190 --> 00:17:07,235
where they dig
into your body very hard.

308
00:17:07,318 --> 00:17:11,072
And it is very painful and,
apparently, some people throw up.

309
00:17:11,572 --> 00:17:13,658
But the next day
they feel great.

310
00:17:14,158 --> 00:17:16,786
I've never had one.
They sound awful.

311
00:17:23,501 --> 00:17:25,419
Maybe stamford would be cool.

312
00:17:27,505 --> 00:17:28,923
It's a good market.

313
00:17:30,550 --> 00:17:32,885
Yeah. Higher volume.

314
00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:37,306
Maybe we should both go.

315
00:17:37,515 --> 00:17:39,016
I have a girlfriend.

316
00:17:39,183 --> 00:17:40,935
Sure you do, Dwight. Sure.

317
00:17:41,018 --> 00:17:44,647
Hey. There's, like,
300 more of these.

318
00:17:44,730 --> 00:17:46,232
Let's get to them later.

319
00:17:46,315 --> 00:17:47,915
So, are you going to
transfer Jim or not?

320
00:17:47,984 --> 00:17:51,404
Maybe. I haven't decided yet.
Let's get to work.

321
00:17:51,487 --> 00:17:53,698
I want an answer by tomorrow.
Okay.

322
00:17:54,407 --> 00:17:57,785
Actually, tomorrow's not good.
How about later in the week?

323
00:17:58,828 --> 00:18:01,539
Fine. Good. Okay.

324
00:18:06,419 --> 00:18:10,298
Hey! Wait. How about a
group picture, while you're here?

325
00:18:10,381 --> 00:18:12,192
I can't. I only get reimbursed
for the ID photos.

326
00:18:12,216 --> 00:18:14,719
Well, it's a
computer camera, right?

327
00:18:15,303 --> 00:18:18,347
You mean digital? Yeah.
It'll take like two seconds.

328
00:18:18,889 --> 00:18:20,016
20 bucks.

329
00:18:20,141 --> 00:18:21,142
(Sighing)

330
00:18:21,225 --> 00:18:22,268
All right.

331
00:18:22,351 --> 00:18:25,229
Everybody, come on! Group
photo for the newsletter!

332
00:18:25,354 --> 00:18:26,939
You've gotta be kidding.

333
00:18:27,023 --> 00:18:28,625
Michael: Come on, everybody.
Come on. Let's go.

334
00:18:28,649 --> 00:18:31,444
Creed, Kevin, Oscar,
andale! Let's go.

335
00:18:32,236 --> 00:18:34,447
One, two, three, smile.

336
00:18:34,947 --> 00:18:35,948
Try to smile.

337
00:18:36,032 --> 00:18:38,135
We resolved a lot today,
everybody. Think happy thoughts.

338
00:18:38,159 --> 00:18:39,303
All right, I'm just gonna
take it on three,

339
00:18:39,327 --> 00:18:40,369
whether you smile or not.

340
00:18:40,453 --> 00:18:41,746
One, two, three.

341
00:18:41,829 --> 00:18:43,998
Good. Let's check that out.

342
00:18:44,415 --> 00:18:45,475
(Michael exclaims in disgust)

343
00:18:45,499 --> 00:18:47,960
Okay. All right. One more.
Take one more.

344
00:18:48,085 --> 00:18:50,046
That'll be another $20. What?

345
00:18:50,254 --> 00:18:51,857
Angela, I want to
talk to you about something.

346
00:18:51,881 --> 00:18:52,882
What? No, Pam.

347
00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:54,008
I am.

348
00:18:54,091 --> 00:18:56,011
It's about the save-the-date.
Pam, it wasn't her.

349
00:18:56,093 --> 00:18:57,178
What?

350
00:18:58,429 --> 00:19:00,681
I'm the one
who complained about you.

351
00:19:03,267 --> 00:19:06,103
I didn't know that Toby
was going to write it down.

352
00:19:06,187 --> 00:19:07,188
Michael: Good.

353
00:19:07,271 --> 00:19:08,631
I was just venting.
Check that out.

354
00:19:08,689 --> 00:19:10,191
You know, itwasjust...
It was one day.

355
00:19:10,274 --> 00:19:11,442
Michael: That's terrible.

356
00:19:11,525 --> 00:19:13,736
I took it right back.
It was just like...

357
00:19:15,905 --> 00:19:17,114
Okay.

358
00:19:17,198 --> 00:19:18,282
Oh, dear.

359
00:19:21,369 --> 00:19:22,536
Okay.

360
00:19:22,620 --> 00:19:25,081
We can do this.
Come on, everybody.

361
00:19:27,625 --> 00:19:30,169
All right. Here we go.

362
00:19:30,753 --> 00:19:34,590
Michael: It was really hard
getting a good picture of 15 people.

363
00:19:34,757 --> 00:19:38,010
He would not give me a
discount, and eight tries added up.

364
00:19:38,094 --> 00:19:39,804
One, two...

365
00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:42,431
Didn't say "three," did I?

366
00:19:42,515 --> 00:19:45,226
But I'm sort of
an expert at Photoshop,

367
00:19:45,309 --> 00:19:47,353
so it turned out fine
in the end.

368
00:19:47,436 --> 00:19:50,398
When people work together,
there is going to be conflict.

369
00:19:50,481 --> 00:19:53,192
You can't outrun your problems.

370
00:19:53,526 --> 00:19:56,404
Hey, Pam. It's Jim. I have a
doctor's appointment in the city,

371
00:19:56,487 --> 00:19:59,031
so I probably won't be in
till the late afternoon.

372
00:19:59,115 --> 00:20:00,825
Just thought I'd let you know.
Okay, bye.

373
00:20:02,118 --> 00:20:05,037
Okay, jan will see you now.
Oh, thanks.

374
00:20:05,246 --> 00:20:08,040
Michael: And that is why
the idea of a cage match

375
00:20:08,124 --> 00:20:10,584
is so universally appealing.

376
00:20:10,751 --> 00:20:13,295
But here's the thing
about cage matches,

377
00:20:13,379 --> 00:20:16,716
sometimes you have
to open the cage.

378
00:20:17,341 --> 00:20:21,887
And that is something that
Toby will never understand.