1
00:00:02,503 --> 00:00:04,046
Hello, son.

2
00:00:04,129 --> 00:00:06,632
If you're watching this,
that means I'm already dead.

3
00:00:07,966 --> 00:00:09,886
Life is a... how do you
know it's gonna be a boy?

4
00:00:09,968 --> 00:00:12,679
How... would you stop
interrupting, please?

5
00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:15,057
Yesterday,
I was scraping some gunk

6
00:00:15,140 --> 00:00:17,226
off my wall sockets
with a metal fork

7
00:00:17,309 --> 00:00:20,479
and I gave myself
the nastiest shock.

8
00:00:21,730 --> 00:00:24,441
And when I came to,
I had an epiphery.

9
00:00:26,652 --> 00:00:28,320
Life is precious.

10
00:00:29,196 --> 00:00:34,618
And if I die, I want my son

11
00:00:37,037 --> 00:00:40,165
to know the dealio.
The dealio of life.

12
00:00:40,958 --> 00:00:42,718
Here are some things
that I want to teach you

13
00:00:42,793 --> 00:00:44,461
that your mother
won't be able to.

14
00:00:44,545 --> 00:00:47,631
To jump-start a car,
first, pop the hood.

15
00:00:47,714 --> 00:00:53,428
Then you take these bad boys and
clip them anywhere on the engine.

16
00:00:53,512 --> 00:00:58,183
Then, you take these
and clip them wherever.

17
00:01:00,894 --> 00:01:03,897
Number eight, learn how
to take off a woman's bra.

18
00:01:03,981 --> 00:01:05,333
What...
We will demonstrate on Pam.

19
00:01:05,357 --> 00:01:06,483
And...

20
00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:07,776
Come on.

21
00:01:08,110 --> 00:01:13,824
You just twist your hand
until something breaks.

22
00:01:15,117 --> 00:01:17,703
Well, you get the picture.
Thanks, Pam.

23
00:01:19,413 --> 00:01:22,082
And remember, no matter what,
I will always love you.

24
00:01:22,165 --> 00:01:23,834
What if he's a murderer?

25
00:01:24,001 --> 00:01:25,711
He's not gonna be a murderer.

26
00:01:25,794 --> 00:01:26,920
Maybe that's how you die?

27
00:01:27,004 --> 00:01:30,299
You know what, Dwight,
do you want to do this or no?

28
00:01:30,549 --> 00:01:32,467
Iwanna do this. Okay.

29
00:01:33,010 --> 00:01:35,012
From the top. Ready? Three...

30
00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:36,305
Action.

31
00:01:57,534 --> 00:01:59,161
Hello, everyone.

32
00:01:59,244 --> 00:02:03,832
As you know, we are six days
away from Phyllis' wedding.

33
00:02:05,417 --> 00:02:08,128
So get your suits to the dry
cleaners and get your hair did.

34
00:02:08,211 --> 00:02:10,547
And Karen,
you might wanna invest

35
00:02:10,631 --> 00:02:13,508
in a dress or
a skirt of some kind

36
00:02:13,592 --> 00:02:15,218
if you don't already have one.

37
00:02:15,302 --> 00:02:17,971
This may be
Phyllis' only wedding ever.

38
00:02:18,055 --> 00:02:21,016
It's my job to insure that none
of you look like ragamuffins.

39
00:02:21,099 --> 00:02:25,979
So I am instituting prima nocta.

40
00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:31,318
Prima nocta, I believe,
from the movie braveheart

41
00:02:31,401 --> 00:02:33,403
and confirmed on Wikipedia,

42
00:02:33,487 --> 00:02:35,906
is when the king got to deflower

43
00:02:36,031 --> 00:02:38,492
every new bride on
her wedding night.

44
00:02:42,871 --> 00:02:46,667
I'm sorry, I had a very
different understanding

45
00:02:46,750 --> 00:02:48,669
as to what prima nocta meant.

46
00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:51,588
I'm trying to get everyone
excited about Phyllis' wedding

47
00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:55,300
because I want her to get
people excited about my wedding

48
00:02:55,384 --> 00:02:57,719
when the time comes,
which won't be hard,

49
00:02:57,803 --> 00:02:59,304
becauseifs gonna be awesome.

50
00:02:59,388 --> 00:03:00,948
A lot better than hers,
that's for sure.

51
00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:02,683
It'll probably be on a boat.

52
00:03:03,266 --> 00:03:04,893
What's up, spinsters?

53
00:03:04,976 --> 00:03:06,019
Nothing.

54
00:03:06,311 --> 00:03:07,813
You know,
this is a luncheon shower.

55
00:03:07,896 --> 00:03:09,022
Girls only.

56
00:03:09,106 --> 00:03:10,273
No problem.

57
00:03:10,649 --> 00:03:13,360
The guys are having a little
shindig of their own

58
00:03:13,443 --> 00:03:16,154
in the warehouse
from 2:30 to 3:15.

59
00:03:16,780 --> 00:03:19,574
It is the only time
that Bob was available.

60
00:03:19,658 --> 00:03:21,076
Sort of a guys' night out.

61
00:03:21,159 --> 00:03:23,829
A g.N.O., if you will. Agno.

62
00:03:24,538 --> 00:03:26,832
Actually, it's more
of a guys' afternoon in.

63
00:03:26,915 --> 00:03:29,418
Ag.a.i. Agay.

64
00:03:29,751 --> 00:03:34,464
Not... not... it's
not gay. It's just a...

65
00:03:36,174 --> 00:03:39,177
It's a bridal shower for guys.
A guy shower.

66
00:03:40,303 --> 00:03:42,556
An hour-long shower with guys.

67
00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:52,733
Karen: I guess Jim and I
have had a little bit

68
00:03:52,816 --> 00:03:55,068
of a rough patch for
the past couple weeks,

69
00:03:55,152 --> 00:03:57,529
but we had some
really good talks

70
00:03:57,612 --> 00:04:01,074
and, actually now, I think
that we're better than ever.

71
00:04:01,616 --> 00:04:06,163
Karen and I had
a long talk last night

72
00:04:07,164 --> 00:04:09,040
and the night before that

73
00:04:09,124 --> 00:04:15,464
and every night for
the last five nights.

74
00:04:28,226 --> 00:04:30,729
Pam: Something's up
with Jim and Karen.

75
00:04:31,396 --> 00:04:33,440
Not that I've
been eavesdropping.

76
00:04:33,565 --> 00:04:35,650
It's not really
any of my business.

77
00:04:36,234 --> 00:04:40,155
But I've gotten pretty good at
reading the back of Jim's neck.

78
00:04:40,781 --> 00:04:42,574
Halpert!

79
00:04:42,657 --> 00:04:45,243
Tah, queen handsome as ever.

80
00:04:45,327 --> 00:04:47,788
"Hey, everybody, it's me, Jim."

81
00:04:49,664 --> 00:04:53,001
Hello, hello. Todd packer.

82
00:04:53,502 --> 00:04:55,462
Karen filippelli,
Jim's girlfriend.

83
00:04:55,545 --> 00:04:56,880
Shut up!

84
00:04:56,963 --> 00:04:57,964
Shut it!

85
00:04:58,048 --> 00:04:59,049
That's rude.

86
00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:03,470
Either this chick is a dude
or Halpert got scared straight.

87
00:05:03,970 --> 00:05:05,347
Michael: Yes! Yes!

88
00:05:05,430 --> 00:05:07,182
(Exclaims)

89
00:05:07,265 --> 00:05:08,642
There...

90
00:05:09,518 --> 00:05:10,811
What happened? What?

91
00:05:10,894 --> 00:05:11,895
Oh, god...

92
00:05:11,978 --> 00:05:14,481
Quick! Somebody help!
Help the man!

93
00:05:15,190 --> 00:05:16,608
No! No! No!

94
00:05:16,691 --> 00:05:17,919
Michael: I can't believe
you're not gonna be there.

95
00:05:17,943 --> 00:05:19,069
It's gonna be good.

96
00:05:19,152 --> 00:05:22,072
It's gonna be a great
bachelor party, man.

97
00:05:22,155 --> 00:05:23,466
Todd: I have a full day
of sales calls.

98
00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:24,658
You should get out of them.

99
00:05:26,368 --> 00:05:27,452
Oh, god.

100
00:05:27,536 --> 00:05:28,954
It's the only time he can do it.

101
00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:32,374
2:30 to 3:15.
It's gonna be great.

102
00:05:32,457 --> 00:05:33,917
We're going to be
doing some darts,

103
00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:35,961
we're gonna be
grilling up some steaks.

104
00:05:36,503 --> 00:05:40,715
Got some pie,
going to be very delicious.

105
00:05:40,799 --> 00:05:43,468
And what kind of
stripper did you get?

106
00:05:43,969 --> 00:05:46,555
I did not order a stripper.

107
00:05:46,638 --> 00:05:48,398
What do you mean you
didn't order a stripper?

108
00:05:49,140 --> 00:05:51,017
You ever even been
to a bachelor party?

109
00:05:53,728 --> 00:05:54,896
(Mumbles)

110
00:05:56,982 --> 00:05:58,775
Not personally, no.

111
00:05:58,984 --> 00:06:02,237
Mike, okay. A stripper
is bachelor party 101.

112
00:06:03,446 --> 00:06:05,508
If you don't get a stripper,
your party's gonna suck.

113
00:06:05,532 --> 00:06:07,075
I can't get a stripper here.

114
00:06:07,158 --> 00:06:08,618
Sexual harassment.

115
00:06:10,537 --> 00:06:12,998
Get one for the girls, too.
That evens it out.

116
00:06:13,081 --> 00:06:14,916
Like, you know,
separate but equal.

117
00:06:15,417 --> 00:06:16,835
So that's what that means.

118
00:06:17,085 --> 00:06:19,170
Okay, everybody,
a slight change of plans.

119
00:06:19,254 --> 00:06:21,214
We are still going to
be having two parties,

120
00:06:21,298 --> 00:06:24,843
but each is going to get a
little extra dose of naughty.

121
00:06:25,135 --> 00:06:26,136
(Exclaims)

122
00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:27,304
All right!

123
00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:28,388
(Exclaims)

124
00:06:28,471 --> 00:06:29,598
Okay. What?

125
00:06:29,681 --> 00:06:33,393
Okay, co-ed naked strippers
in this office, for realsies.

126
00:06:33,476 --> 00:06:34,978
Under no circumstance
should a man

127
00:06:35,061 --> 00:06:36,897
strip off his clothes
in this office.

128
00:06:36,980 --> 00:06:39,149
Shut up, Angela!

129
00:06:44,487 --> 00:06:45,488
Pam: Hey.

130
00:06:52,621 --> 00:06:54,164
Everything okay?

131
00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:56,166
Oh, yeah. Why?

132
00:06:57,250 --> 00:06:59,502
Well, you seem a little tired.

133
00:07:01,671 --> 00:07:05,258
Yeah, well, I guess there's
been a couple of late nights.

134
00:07:06,092 --> 00:07:08,511
Karen and I have
been up talking.

135
00:07:11,932 --> 00:07:13,642
You should get more sleep.

136
00:07:14,100 --> 00:07:15,727
Yeah, I know I should.

137
00:07:15,810 --> 00:07:18,730
Never underestimate the power
of a good night's sleep.

138
00:07:18,813 --> 00:07:19,940
No, I'm sure you're right.

139
00:07:20,023 --> 00:07:23,443
When I get eight hours
compared to like, six hours,

140
00:07:23,526 --> 00:07:25,403
it's like, big difference.

141
00:07:25,487 --> 00:07:26,613
Really?

142
00:07:26,696 --> 00:07:27,697
Oh, yeah.

143
00:07:28,365 --> 00:07:30,825
You've got to get your rem cycle

144
00:07:31,117 --> 00:07:36,414
going with the whole
sleeping better than not.

145
00:07:37,999 --> 00:07:40,669
Good advice, beesly. Thanks.

146
00:07:40,752 --> 00:07:42,837
See you out there? Yeah.

147
00:07:44,381 --> 00:07:46,466
Don't fall asleep at your desk!

148
00:07:46,549 --> 00:07:47,801
Oh, my god.

149
00:07:48,301 --> 00:07:50,553
Okay. We are off.

150
00:07:50,637 --> 00:07:53,223
Ryan and I are going
to go get some supplies

151
00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:58,520
and I need you to handle
hiring the strippers.

152
00:07:58,603 --> 00:08:00,397
Absolutely not. I'm on it.

153
00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:02,899
Well, get on it
and make it happen.

154
00:08:02,983 --> 00:08:06,987
Ruddy cheeks, thick calves,
no tats, no moles.

155
00:08:07,404 --> 00:08:09,114
No tats.

156
00:08:09,197 --> 00:08:10,824
No, tats. Of course, I want...

157
00:08:10,907 --> 00:08:13,076
Stop. That's disgusting.

158
00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:15,078
Leave me alone and get
the male stripper. Fine.

159
00:08:15,161 --> 00:08:16,371
I knew you would, Nancy.

160
00:08:16,454 --> 00:08:17,539
Sally.

161
00:08:18,790 --> 00:08:19,874
No preference.

162
00:08:19,958 --> 00:08:21,960
What do you think,
redhead or brunette?

163
00:08:23,211 --> 00:08:24,462
Blonde.

164
00:08:24,587 --> 00:08:25,797
Nice.

165
00:08:27,215 --> 00:08:29,592
Do you have any blonde women?

166
00:08:36,224 --> 00:08:37,464
He hasn't even said a word yet.

167
00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:38,977
Justgiggling.

168
00:08:42,814 --> 00:08:44,816
Got you. Got... whoa!

169
00:08:45,275 --> 00:08:47,027
(Cell phone ringing)

170
00:08:51,072 --> 00:08:52,198
Yes?

171
00:08:52,282 --> 00:08:53,783
Jim: Are you okay?

172
00:08:53,867 --> 00:08:55,577
I'm in... I'm in the sex shop.

173
00:08:55,660 --> 00:08:56,828
Got you.

174
00:08:57,203 --> 00:08:58,621
Okay, so they
have Albert Einstein,

175
00:08:58,705 --> 00:09:01,416
Ben Franklin or
spongebob squarepants.

176
00:09:01,499 --> 00:09:03,084
Squarepants?

177
00:09:03,168 --> 00:09:04,544
Yep, spongebob squarepants.

178
00:09:05,462 --> 00:09:06,713
And you think that'd be sexy?

179
00:09:07,005 --> 00:09:11,217
Michael referred me to a male
strip club called banana slings.

180
00:09:12,343 --> 00:09:15,847
Instead, I called the scholastic
speakers of Pennsylvania.

181
00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:18,641
Franklin: Hold the door, please!

182
00:09:19,184 --> 00:09:20,643
Thank you.

183
00:09:20,727 --> 00:09:22,270
Hello. Hello.

184
00:09:22,812 --> 00:09:24,189
You wearing a thong?

185
00:09:25,148 --> 00:09:26,274
What?

186
00:09:29,986 --> 00:09:32,113
Sparkling cider is very good.

187
00:09:32,530 --> 00:09:34,407
I think that's champagne.

188
00:09:34,741 --> 00:09:36,451
Michael: Hello, ladies.

189
00:09:36,534 --> 00:09:38,787
Who, here, is a history buff?

190
00:09:40,121 --> 00:09:42,457
Who's a fan of buff naked?

191
00:09:44,334 --> 00:09:46,336
Without further ado,

192
00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:52,133
the one, the only, the
sexy, Mr. Benjamin Franklin!

193
00:09:52,967 --> 00:09:55,595
Thank you for that
introduction, Mr. Scott!

194
00:09:55,678 --> 00:10:00,850
And good afternoon, fine
gentlewomen of dunder Mifflin.

195
00:10:02,310 --> 00:10:04,521
Half pants, right, Mr. Franklin?

196
00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:05,814
Knickers, in fact. Yes.

197
00:10:05,897 --> 00:10:07,857
He's in his knickers.

198
00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:11,361
Mr. Franklin,
I would say you are probably

199
00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:13,738
one of the sexiest
presidents ever.

200
00:10:13,822 --> 00:10:16,866
Well, actually,
I never was president.

201
00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:19,994
Yes, but Ben Franklin was.

202
00:10:22,997 --> 00:10:26,835
I'm here to teach you
a little bit about my life

203
00:10:26,918 --> 00:10:29,379
and the era of
the founding fathers...

204
00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:30,463
(Clearing throat)

205
00:10:31,422 --> 00:10:34,008
And when they came
over on the mayflower.

206
00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:39,514
Wait. This is the entertainment?

207
00:10:39,597 --> 00:10:42,392
Yeah, all right, so,
I want you to give him

208
00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:44,060
your undivided attention.

209
00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:47,647
And Mr. Franklin. If any
of these ladies misbehave,

210
00:10:47,730 --> 00:10:50,275
I give you
permission to spank them,

211
00:10:50,358 --> 00:10:51,776
especially that one.

212
00:10:56,281 --> 00:10:57,949
Have you ever
seen a stripper before?

213
00:10:58,032 --> 00:10:59,159
Yes.

214
00:10:59,826 --> 00:11:02,036
Jennifer garner
portrayed one on alias.

215
00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:04,205
It was one of her many aliases.

216
00:11:04,289 --> 00:11:05,373
Yeah, me neither.

217
00:11:05,456 --> 00:11:06,457
Hey. Hi.

218
00:11:06,541 --> 00:11:09,294
I'm Elizabeth. I'm the
dancer that was requested.

219
00:11:09,377 --> 00:11:10,378
Okay.

220
00:11:11,546 --> 00:11:13,965
I specifically
ordered a stripper.

221
00:11:14,549 --> 00:11:15,800
I'm the stripper.

222
00:11:15,884 --> 00:11:17,177
Oh, okay. Good.

223
00:11:17,302 --> 00:11:19,804
Well, in the future, please
identify yourself as such.

224
00:11:19,888 --> 00:11:21,514
Okay. Oh, god

225
00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:23,141
"is she hot?"

226
00:11:28,980 --> 00:11:30,815
Text back, "kind of."

227
00:11:32,317 --> 00:11:35,904
Itwas a warm
June evening in 1752,

228
00:11:35,987 --> 00:11:38,239
the night of my
fateful kite flight...

229
00:11:38,323 --> 00:11:39,574
Mr. Franklin? Yes.

230
00:11:39,657 --> 00:11:40,909
Do you have a girlfriend?

231
00:11:40,992 --> 00:11:43,286
I have a lovely wife, Deborah.

232
00:11:43,369 --> 00:11:45,997
But don't you also
have girlfriends in Paris?

233
00:11:47,165 --> 00:11:48,666
Like, a lot of them?

234
00:11:48,750 --> 00:11:52,128
Well, that is
a gray area of my life.

235
00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:55,715
Okay? So it was
a warm June evening...

236
00:11:56,883 --> 00:11:58,801
Look at that.

237
00:11:58,927 --> 00:12:00,803
Nothing like grilling
in the great outdoors.

238
00:12:02,513 --> 00:12:05,141
Is it the same grill
you grilled your foot on?

239
00:12:07,352 --> 00:12:08,662
Yes, but I got
all the foot off of it.

240
00:12:08,686 --> 00:12:09,812
Oh, gross.

241
00:12:10,104 --> 00:12:11,814
Okay, Ben Franklin.

242
00:12:14,484 --> 00:12:17,278
Ben Franklin tied
a cherry stem in his mouth!

243
00:12:17,362 --> 00:12:20,448
Well, that is because
I am a renaissance man.

244
00:12:20,531 --> 00:12:24,786
Ben Franklin? Do you wear
boxers, briefs or pantaloons?

245
00:12:25,995 --> 00:12:29,207
Well, you're very saucy.

246
00:12:33,002 --> 00:12:36,798
Guys! Beef,
it's what's for dinner.

247
00:12:38,132 --> 00:12:39,467
Who wants some man meat?

248
00:12:39,550 --> 00:12:41,094
I do! I want some man meat!

249
00:12:41,177 --> 00:12:42,845
Michael, Dwight
would like your man meat.

250
00:12:42,929 --> 00:12:45,640
Well, then,
my man meat he shall have.

251
00:12:46,474 --> 00:12:47,976
There you go.

252
00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:50,270
Deliciosity.

253
00:12:50,353 --> 00:12:51,437
Of course.

254
00:12:51,521 --> 00:12:52,647
Here we go.

255
00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:57,360
So I guess, you have the Ben
Franklin wig and the costume

256
00:12:57,443 --> 00:12:59,779
and you figure, "how can
I put this to practical use?"

257
00:12:59,862 --> 00:13:01,406
Well, I'd like to
think that his dad

258
00:13:01,489 --> 00:13:03,199
was a Ben Franklin impersonator,

259
00:13:03,491 --> 00:13:06,077
and he really
pressured him into it.

260
00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:10,248
Hey, I wanted to talk to you.

261
00:13:10,331 --> 00:13:13,001
I know this is
weird or whatever,

262
00:13:13,126 --> 00:13:15,795
but Jim told me about you guys.

263
00:13:16,713 --> 00:13:18,172
What do you mean?

264
00:13:18,256 --> 00:13:19,841
Well, that you kissed.

265
00:13:20,341 --> 00:13:23,052
And we talked it through
and it's totally fine.

266
00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:25,680
It's not a big deal,
it's just a kiss.

267
00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:30,852
But you're not
still interested in him?

268
00:13:31,102 --> 00:13:32,395
Oh, yeah.

269
00:13:33,521 --> 00:13:34,772
Really?

270
00:13:35,565 --> 00:13:38,818
Oh, no! I was
confused by your phrasing.

271
00:13:39,277 --> 00:13:41,029
You should definitely
go out with Jim.

272
00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:42,947
I mean,
you're going out with Jim.

273
00:13:43,031 --> 00:13:44,532
I'm not going out with Jim.

274
00:13:44,615 --> 00:13:46,701
You're dating him,
which is awesome,

275
00:13:46,826 --> 00:13:48,953
because you guys
are great together.

276
00:13:49,078 --> 00:13:50,204
Okay.

277
00:13:50,288 --> 00:13:51,831
And I'm not into Jim.

278
00:13:52,457 --> 00:13:53,624
Yeah.

279
00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:56,461
So, well, good.

280
00:13:56,544 --> 00:13:57,962
Yeah.

281
00:13:59,297 --> 00:14:00,548
Sorry.

282
00:14:01,341 --> 00:14:02,967
What are you sorry about?

283
00:14:05,094 --> 00:14:06,095
What?

284
00:14:06,179 --> 00:14:07,930
What are you sorry about?

285
00:14:08,639 --> 00:14:11,601
Nothing. I was just
thinking of something else.

286
00:14:11,809 --> 00:14:15,563
Okay, the game is no-limit
deuce-to-seven lowball.

287
00:14:15,646 --> 00:14:18,066
Blinds 25/50.
Nickels are worth 10,

288
00:14:18,149 --> 00:14:21,110
dimes, 25, and quarters, 50.
Nothing wild.

289
00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:24,072
I call shuffle! Here we go.

290
00:14:28,493 --> 00:14:29,869
Michael...

291
00:14:32,830 --> 00:14:35,958
Gentlemen,
the entertainment is here.

292
00:14:36,042 --> 00:14:38,878
Everybody, I'd like to
introduce you to Elizabeth.

293
00:14:38,961 --> 00:14:40,129
Hi, guys.

294
00:14:40,213 --> 00:14:41,339
That's a nice outfit.

295
00:14:41,422 --> 00:14:44,133
I hear there's
an important meeting here.

296
00:14:45,802 --> 00:14:48,054
I'm not really into strippers.

297
00:14:48,429 --> 00:14:51,015
You know what I find sexy?
Pam's art.

298
00:14:51,641 --> 00:14:54,560
She's an artist
and I appreciate that.

299
00:14:56,020 --> 00:15:00,942
It's very moving
and sexy, the art.

300
00:15:02,485 --> 00:15:03,694
Hit it!

301
00:15:03,986 --> 00:15:05,905
(Music playing)

302
00:15:08,324 --> 00:15:10,076
So where's the groom?

303
00:15:10,159 --> 00:15:11,911
Oh, he's right there.

304
00:15:11,994 --> 00:15:13,162
There he is.

305
00:15:13,246 --> 00:15:14,330
Absolutely not.

306
00:15:14,872 --> 00:15:16,707
That's all you, that's all you.

307
00:15:17,959 --> 00:15:20,128
Okay! All right, I'll do it.

308
00:15:20,670 --> 00:15:23,297
Yeah, let's do it!
Let's do this thing.

309
00:15:23,798 --> 00:15:24,799
Yeah? What do I...

310
00:15:24,882 --> 00:15:25,883
Just sit on down.

311
00:15:25,967 --> 00:15:27,718
All right. All right.

312
00:15:27,802 --> 00:15:29,178
Okay. Here we go.

313
00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:30,388
Oh, here we go. All right!

314
00:15:30,471 --> 00:15:31,514
Yes!

315
00:15:31,597 --> 00:15:32,890
(Whooping)

316
00:15:32,974 --> 00:15:34,809
Not bad! Not bad!

317
00:15:35,309 --> 00:15:37,311
You smell nice, like tide.

318
00:15:37,395 --> 00:15:38,980
What's that?

319
00:15:39,355 --> 00:15:40,982
You smell like tide detergent.

320
00:15:42,233 --> 00:15:44,277
Do you use tide detergent?

321
00:15:49,574 --> 00:15:51,159
I have a girlfriend, so...

322
00:15:51,325 --> 00:15:52,952
I bet she'd be jealous!

323
00:15:54,579 --> 00:15:57,123
Yeah, she probably...
Yeah, she would be.

324
00:15:57,206 --> 00:15:58,708
You know what? Okay. Excuse me.

325
00:15:58,791 --> 00:16:00,793
This is sick, please.
Stop it, stop it.

326
00:16:00,877 --> 00:16:02,312
Turn off the music,
because this is wrong.

327
00:16:02,336 --> 00:16:04,130
This is wrong! This is wrong.

328
00:16:06,215 --> 00:16:08,843
I have a girlfriend. I...

329
00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:10,970
And you are engaged

330
00:16:11,053 --> 00:16:14,932
and I'm sure you have a boyfriend
in prison or something, so...

331
00:16:15,016 --> 00:16:17,977
Let's just clear out, okay?
Shame on you.

332
00:16:20,646 --> 00:16:22,356
Go back to work!

333
00:16:25,651 --> 00:16:27,570
Elizabeth,
I want you to sit here.

334
00:16:27,653 --> 00:16:29,447
When the phone rings, answer it.

335
00:16:29,530 --> 00:16:32,742
You want me to answer phones
with my clothes on?

336
00:16:33,576 --> 00:16:36,996
We hired you for three hours'
work, and we're gonna get it.

337
00:16:42,168 --> 00:16:43,878
I love your poster.

338
00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:46,881
Thank you.

339
00:16:57,225 --> 00:16:59,435
You know,
I invented electricity.

340
00:16:59,519 --> 00:17:00,686
I know.

341
00:17:00,770 --> 00:17:04,023
Well, I'm sensing a little
electricity right here.

342
00:17:05,274 --> 00:17:07,693
Didn't Ben Franklin
have syphilis?

343
00:17:08,194 --> 00:17:10,571
Yes, but I don't.

344
00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:13,282
My name is Gordon.

345
00:17:15,368 --> 00:17:18,162
On one hand, I want to be honest
with jan and tell her the truth.

346
00:17:18,246 --> 00:17:21,457
On the other hand, I'm
afraid she's gonna dump me.

347
00:17:21,999 --> 00:17:25,294
You know, Michael,
ifathered an illegitimate son.

348
00:17:25,378 --> 00:17:26,462
Really?

349
00:17:26,546 --> 00:17:28,881
But I kept all this
from my wife, Deborah.

350
00:17:28,965 --> 00:17:31,801
These things only serve
to upset the women.

351
00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:34,387
They are the gentler sex.

352
00:17:35,805 --> 00:17:36,806
Wow.

353
00:17:37,848 --> 00:17:40,518
Ben Franklin, you're
really kind of a sleazebag.

354
00:17:44,063 --> 00:17:45,314
Stripper?

355
00:17:45,398 --> 00:17:47,775
Could I ask you
a question about women?

356
00:17:51,404 --> 00:17:54,782
Should I tell my girlfriend
that you danced up on me?

357
00:17:58,661 --> 00:18:01,497
"Secrets, secrets are no fun.

358
00:18:01,581 --> 00:18:04,667
"Secrets, secrets hurt someone."

359
00:18:06,502 --> 00:18:07,503
Wow.

360
00:18:09,338 --> 00:18:10,673
Thank you.

361
00:18:14,260 --> 00:18:16,053
Care for a piece of chocolate?

362
00:18:16,137 --> 00:18:17,847
Chocolate?
Where did you acquire it?

363
00:18:17,930 --> 00:18:19,557
That is a delicacy
in the Amazon,

364
00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:23,060
but it has not yet been
imported to the United States.

365
00:18:23,144 --> 00:18:24,854
Who is the king of Austria?
Josephll

366
00:18:24,937 --> 00:18:26,707
who is the king of prussia?
Friedrich Wilhelm III.

367
00:18:26,731 --> 00:18:28,024
Who is the king of england?

368
00:18:28,107 --> 00:18:30,568
Why, the tyrant,
king George, of course!

369
00:18:30,985 --> 00:18:32,361
I don't care what Jim says.

370
00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:34,822
That is not
the real Ben Franklin.

371
00:18:34,905 --> 00:18:37,158
I am 99% sure.

372
00:18:38,159 --> 00:18:41,787
Jan: Michael, lleft
a meeting. What is so urgent?

373
00:18:41,871 --> 00:18:44,165
Are you... are you okay?

374
00:18:45,291 --> 00:18:46,667
Not really.

375
00:18:47,001 --> 00:18:49,879
Look, I don't know how
to say this, so ijustwill.

376
00:18:49,962 --> 00:18:51,005
Okay.

377
00:18:51,088 --> 00:18:55,718
I went to a bachelor party

378
00:18:57,345 --> 00:18:59,972
and things got
a little out of hand.

379
00:19:01,641 --> 00:19:04,310
When... when did...
When, last night?

380
00:19:04,727 --> 00:19:06,520
No, today at work.

381
00:19:06,604 --> 00:19:07,789
You went to
a bachelor party at work?

382
00:19:07,813 --> 00:19:10,024
Yes, I kind of arranged it.

383
00:19:10,358 --> 00:19:12,252
Well, I don't even think
the stripper was that hot.

384
00:19:12,276 --> 00:19:14,028
Did you guys think she was hot?

385
00:19:14,111 --> 00:19:15,237
Kelly, don't do this.

386
00:19:15,321 --> 00:19:16,465
Do what?
I just asked you a question.

387
00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:18,240
You know what you're doing.

388
00:19:18,324 --> 00:19:22,244
Anyway, you know who was
totally flirting with Ben Franklin? Pam.

389
00:19:22,328 --> 00:19:25,247
Really? Looks like
I hired the right guy.

390
00:19:25,331 --> 00:19:28,250
I'm glad. Any real
potential there, beesly?

391
00:19:29,251 --> 00:19:30,670
Yeah, right.

392
00:19:31,712 --> 00:19:33,714
God, I need a boyfriend.

393
00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:37,218
You know, Ryan, I'm...

394
00:19:37,301 --> 00:19:38,511
I'm totally ready to be set up

395
00:19:38,594 --> 00:19:40,262
with one of your
business school friends.

396
00:19:40,346 --> 00:19:41,389
Vvheneveh

397
00:19:41,472 --> 00:19:42,598
Ryan: Okay.

398
00:19:45,518 --> 00:19:48,479
Oh, my god, I would
get so fat if I worked here.

399
00:19:48,562 --> 00:19:50,815
Yeah? I lose
my appetite all the time.

400
00:19:52,441 --> 00:19:54,151
You could strip, you know.

401
00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:56,070
Thanks.

402
00:19:56,153 --> 00:19:57,822
So you don't want to
end our relationship?

403
00:19:57,988 --> 00:19:59,615
I'm closer to firing you.

404
00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:01,492
That is so sweet.

405
00:20:02,535 --> 00:20:05,413
You are the best gd girlfriend
in the world. Do you know that?

406
00:20:05,496 --> 00:20:07,039
I'll talk to you later.

407
00:20:07,123 --> 00:20:08,374
You are. You are.

408
00:20:08,499 --> 00:20:10,960
So you know who turned
out to be kind of a creep?

409
00:20:12,211 --> 00:20:13,713
Ben Franklin.

410
00:20:14,505 --> 00:20:19,468
And, Elizabeth, the stripper, gave
me great advice which rhymed.

411
00:20:21,762 --> 00:20:26,308
It really makes you wonder how
Ben Franklin can become president,

412
00:20:26,392 --> 00:20:28,811
but someone like
Elizabeth can't.

413
00:20:33,023 --> 00:20:34,900
Are you near-sighted
or far-sighted?

414
00:20:34,984 --> 00:20:37,695
Both. That's why I
invented the bifocals.

415
00:20:37,778 --> 00:20:38,821
(Exclaims)