1 00:00:02,002 --> 00:00:03,462 (Door opening) 2 00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:17,601 It's kind of blurry. 3 00:00:21,104 --> 00:00:22,356 That's better. 4 00:00:28,070 --> 00:00:31,031 Question, what kind of bear is best? 5 00:00:32,324 --> 00:00:35,244 That's a ridiculous question. False. Black bear. 6 00:00:35,327 --> 00:00:36,787 Well, that's debatable. 7 00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:38,515 There are basically two schools of thought. 8 00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:41,208 Fact, bears eat beets. 9 00:00:41,291 --> 00:00:43,460 Bears, beets, 10 00:00:43,544 --> 00:00:45,754 Battlestar Galactica. Bears do not... 11 00:00:46,338 --> 00:00:48,924 What is going on? What are you doing? 12 00:00:49,216 --> 00:00:52,636 Last week, I was in a drug store and I saw these glasses. 13 00:00:52,719 --> 00:00:53,971 Four dollars. 14 00:00:54,596 --> 00:00:57,808 And it only cost me $7 to recreate the rest of the ensemble 15 00:00:57,891 --> 00:00:59,184 and that's a grand total of 16 00:00:59,268 --> 00:01:00,519 (beeping) 17 00:01:01,270 --> 00:01:02,521 $11. 18 00:01:03,438 --> 00:01:05,625 You know what? Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery. 19 00:01:05,649 --> 00:01:06,900 So I thank you. 20 00:01:08,527 --> 00:01:11,029 Identity theft is not a joke, Jim! 21 00:01:11,113 --> 00:01:13,407 Millions of families suffer every year! 22 00:01:14,366 --> 00:01:15,617 Michael! 23 00:01:15,701 --> 00:01:17,953 Oh, that's funny. Michael! 24 00:01:50,736 --> 00:01:52,112 Yes, I understand. 25 00:01:52,738 --> 00:01:54,406 Can I transfer you to customer relations? 26 00:01:54,489 --> 00:01:56,450 Absolutely. I couldn't be more sorry about this... 27 00:01:56,533 --> 00:01:58,845 I know, I know. We're all trying to get to the bottom of it. 28 00:01:58,869 --> 00:02:01,955 Yes, I'm upset. Don't I sound upset? 29 00:02:02,039 --> 00:02:03,081 Okay. 30 00:02:03,165 --> 00:02:05,417 It is disgusting. I totally agree. 31 00:02:06,001 --> 00:02:08,879 Well, we're going to be recalling all of that paper. 32 00:02:08,962 --> 00:02:10,672 We have a crisis. 33 00:02:10,756 --> 00:02:13,216 Apparently, a disgruntled employee at the paper mill 34 00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:16,219 decided that it would be funny to put an obscene watermark 35 00:02:16,303 --> 00:02:19,181 on our 24-pound cream letter stock. 36 00:02:20,432 --> 00:02:23,060 Michael: Five-hundred boxes has gone out 37 00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:26,355 with the image of a beloved cartoon duck 38 00:02:26,438 --> 00:02:30,150 performing unspeakable acts 39 00:02:30,233 --> 00:02:34,279 upon a certain cartoon mouse that a lot of people like. 40 00:02:35,405 --> 00:02:36,990 I've never been a fan. 41 00:02:37,324 --> 00:02:39,117 Everybody in here, stat. 42 00:02:40,202 --> 00:02:41,828 No time to lose. 43 00:02:42,537 --> 00:02:44,790 Cri-man squa, f and c, double-time. 44 00:02:44,873 --> 00:02:45,916 "Cri-man squa"? 45 00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:48,627 Crisis management squad. "F and c, double-time"? 46 00:02:48,710 --> 00:02:51,213 Front and center. Twice as fast as you would normally go. 47 00:02:51,296 --> 00:02:52,381 Any other questions? 48 00:02:52,464 --> 00:02:53,900 One more. Why are you talking like that? 49 00:02:53,924 --> 00:02:55,175 To save time, Jim. 50 00:02:55,258 --> 00:02:57,737 Actually, I think you could make the argument that it wastes time. 51 00:02:57,761 --> 00:02:59,388 Pam: Yeah, she has a good point. 52 00:02:59,471 --> 00:03:01,765 I mean, for example, with the last thing you said, 53 00:03:01,890 --> 00:03:03,451 bythethne you explained it... okay, okay, okay... 54 00:03:03,475 --> 00:03:04,661 It actually took up more time. You know what? 55 00:03:04,685 --> 00:03:05,769 (Michael exclaiming) 56 00:03:05,852 --> 00:03:08,188 Forget it! Where is creed? 57 00:03:08,271 --> 00:03:09,272 Here. Creed. 58 00:03:09,356 --> 00:03:11,525 Quality assurance. Your job. 59 00:03:11,608 --> 00:03:14,820 I really think you screwed the pooch on this one, creed. 60 00:03:14,903 --> 00:03:18,281 Because of you, the entire company is in jeopardy. 61 00:03:19,866 --> 00:03:22,911 Every week, I'm supposed to take four hours and do a quality spot-check 62 00:03:22,994 --> 00:03:24,496 at the paper mill. 63 00:03:24,579 --> 00:03:28,041 And of course the one year I blow it off, this happens. 64 00:03:28,834 --> 00:03:33,004 We have a lot of angry customers out there. This puts us at threat level midnight. 65 00:03:33,088 --> 00:03:35,799 Accounting, you are on customer service duty today. 66 00:03:35,882 --> 00:03:38,385 That's not really ourjob. Midnight, Oscar! 67 00:03:39,594 --> 00:03:41,394 Don't worry. Kelly will be training you first. 68 00:03:41,471 --> 00:03:42,973 Kelly's training us? 69 00:03:43,849 --> 00:03:47,310 (Singing) This day is bananas b-a-n-a-n-a-s 70 00:03:47,394 --> 00:03:49,104 this day is bananas 71 00:03:49,187 --> 00:03:50,230 b-a-n-a... 72 00:03:53,108 --> 00:03:54,818 I don't have a headache. 73 00:03:56,069 --> 00:03:57,654 I'm just preparing. 74 00:03:58,697 --> 00:04:02,701 Jim. Big fire in your house. Your client, dunmore high school, 75 00:04:02,784 --> 00:04:05,287 sent out their prom invitations on this paper. 76 00:04:05,370 --> 00:04:07,432 Went home to all the kids. Yeah, I got a call in already. 77 00:04:07,456 --> 00:04:09,875 No, no, no. Not good enough. This is a keystone account. 78 00:04:09,958 --> 00:04:11,418 I want you in the school in person. 79 00:04:11,501 --> 00:04:12,627 All right. 80 00:04:12,711 --> 00:04:14,230 I want you to bring a partner. I'll go. 81 00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:15,338 No, sweet cheeks. 82 00:04:15,422 --> 00:04:16,816 We need somebody who's actually made a sale. 83 00:04:16,840 --> 00:04:17,924 Andy, you go. 84 00:04:18,008 --> 00:04:23,346 William dolittle at your service, a.K.A. Will do. 85 00:04:23,430 --> 00:04:25,015 Yeah, I'm definitely going to go alone. 86 00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:27,142 No! No! I need two men on this! 87 00:04:27,225 --> 00:04:30,854 That's what she said. No time! But she did. No time! Guys! 88 00:04:30,937 --> 00:04:32,606 Get on this! Dwight, 89 00:04:32,689 --> 00:04:34,689 I want you to be in charge of the press conference. 90 00:04:34,733 --> 00:04:37,527 Yes! You are entering the no-spin zone! 91 00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:39,821 We're having a press conference? No, Pam. 92 00:04:39,905 --> 00:04:42,532 The press is just going to find out by themselves. 93 00:04:42,616 --> 00:04:43,617 Not. 94 00:04:44,409 --> 00:04:46,161 Here's the thing, when a company screws up, 95 00:04:46,244 --> 00:04:48,121 best thing to do is call a press conference. 96 00:04:48,205 --> 00:04:51,374 Alert the media and then you control the story. 97 00:04:51,458 --> 00:04:55,003 Wait for them to find out, and the story controls you. 98 00:04:55,086 --> 00:04:56,505 That's what happened to o.J. 99 00:04:56,755 --> 00:04:59,716 I have invited Barbara Allen, one of our oldest clients, 100 00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:03,303 to come in here and meet with me for a personal apology. 101 00:05:03,470 --> 00:05:05,972 The press wants a story? I will give them a story. 102 00:05:06,056 --> 00:05:08,141 Oh, did the press ask for a story? 103 00:05:08,225 --> 00:05:10,352 Here is your headline, 104 00:05:10,435 --> 00:05:12,979 "Scranton area paper company" 105 00:05:13,063 --> 00:05:18,026 "dunder Mifflin apologizes to valued client." 106 00:05:18,109 --> 00:05:23,949 "Some companies still know how business is done." 107 00:05:24,032 --> 00:05:25,116 Okay? 108 00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:28,495 Battle stations, everybody! Let's go! Go! Go, go, go, go, go! 109 00:05:28,620 --> 00:05:32,958 Yes. Hello. Creed Bratton, quality assurance, dunder Mifflin, Scranton. 110 00:05:33,041 --> 00:05:36,586 I was supposed to meet with one of your floor managers last week 111 00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:39,923 for a quality inspection, and he or she wasn't there, 112 00:05:40,799 --> 00:05:43,093 and I'm trying to remember who it was. 113 00:05:44,386 --> 00:05:46,179 Who wasn't there last week? 114 00:05:47,639 --> 00:05:50,308 Debbie brown. And which day was that? 115 00:05:50,934 --> 00:05:52,936 Wednesday the 11th. Perfect. 116 00:05:53,478 --> 00:05:55,981 The only difference between me and a homeless man is this job. 117 00:05:56,064 --> 00:05:58,358 I will do whatever it takes to survive. 118 00:05:58,733 --> 00:06:01,319 Like I did when I was a homeless man. 119 00:06:02,112 --> 00:06:04,298 Look, I know the reason that you guys became accountants 120 00:06:04,322 --> 00:06:07,158 is because you're not good at interacting with people. But guess what? 121 00:06:07,242 --> 00:06:09,661 From now on, you guys are no longer losers. 122 00:06:09,744 --> 00:06:12,038 So give yourselves a round of applause. 123 00:06:13,790 --> 00:06:15,476 I wonder how many phone calls you're missing 124 00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:17,127 while you're teaching us to answer calls. 125 00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:18,795 I know, right? Probably a lot. 126 00:06:18,879 --> 00:06:21,172 Can you just tell us what we need to do so we can go? 127 00:06:21,256 --> 00:06:23,550 Okay, Angela, I love your enthusiasm! 128 00:06:23,633 --> 00:06:25,903 All you need to know how to do is pick up the phone and say, 129 00:06:25,927 --> 00:06:28,555 "customer service, this is Kelly." Except don't say, "Kelly." 130 00:06:28,638 --> 00:06:29,723 Say your own name. 131 00:06:29,806 --> 00:06:31,726 Or ifyou're bored, you could just make up a name. 132 00:06:31,766 --> 00:06:33,685 Like, one time, I said I was Bridget Jones 133 00:06:33,768 --> 00:06:36,205 (mimics British accent) And I talked like this for the whole conversation. 134 00:06:36,229 --> 00:06:38,815 (Mimics Australian accent) Oh! Can I be Australian, mate? 135 00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:40,108 Kelly: Absolutely! 136 00:06:40,191 --> 00:06:41,818 Kevin: Hello, mate! 137 00:06:41,902 --> 00:06:44,255 (Mimics British accent) I like ice cream. I need a boyfriend. 138 00:06:44,279 --> 00:06:47,115 (Mimics Australian accent) I like ice cream, too, mate! 139 00:06:47,198 --> 00:06:50,660 Alligators. Dingo babies. 140 00:06:52,954 --> 00:06:54,414 Beer me. 141 00:06:54,497 --> 00:06:55,832 What's that? 142 00:06:56,499 --> 00:06:58,293 Hand me that water. I always say, "beer me." 143 00:06:58,376 --> 00:07:00,587 Gets a laugh like a quarter of the time. 144 00:07:00,670 --> 00:07:02,380 So how's what's her name? 145 00:07:02,464 --> 00:07:03,757 You know her name. 146 00:07:03,840 --> 00:07:06,801 Who? Karen? Yeah. She's only one of my oldest friends. 147 00:07:08,136 --> 00:07:09,512 How's the apartment hanging? 148 00:07:09,596 --> 00:07:10,764 It's fine. 149 00:07:11,514 --> 00:07:12,766 Nice. 150 00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:17,437 Check out this sunshine, man. Global warming, right? 151 00:07:18,355 --> 00:07:20,732 Today was supposed to be really cold I bet. 152 00:07:20,815 --> 00:07:22,108 What about music? 153 00:07:22,192 --> 00:07:23,652 You have any music? 154 00:07:23,735 --> 00:07:25,904 Yeah, you should have said so. 155 00:07:26,988 --> 00:07:28,239 (Scatting) 156 00:07:28,323 --> 00:07:30,867 (Singing) Give me the beat boys and free my soul 157 00:07:30,951 --> 00:07:35,914 I want to get lost in your rock and roll and drift away 158 00:07:36,039 --> 00:07:38,875 (scatting) 159 00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:41,586 Give me the beat boys and free my little ol' soul 160 00:07:41,670 --> 00:07:45,173 I was thinking more like a cd or... a cd? 161 00:07:45,882 --> 00:07:48,510 Your call, dude. My girlfriend made me an awesome mix. 162 00:07:48,593 --> 00:07:49,594 Beer me that disc. 163 00:07:52,097 --> 00:07:53,848 Lord, beer me strength. 164 00:07:55,767 --> 00:07:58,520 So, tuna, when we get in there, let's do a really good job, okay? 165 00:07:58,603 --> 00:08:00,438 Did that really need to be said? 166 00:08:00,522 --> 00:08:02,732 Well, not everything a guy says needs to be said. 167 00:08:02,816 --> 00:08:06,027 Sometimes it's just about the music of a conversation. 168 00:08:06,111 --> 00:08:07,195 (Exclaims) 169 00:08:07,278 --> 00:08:08,571 What the... 170 00:08:08,655 --> 00:08:10,365 Why is my girlfriend here? 171 00:08:10,699 --> 00:08:12,784 Jim: Oh, she that teacher in the white? 172 00:08:12,867 --> 00:08:15,537 No, she's a part-time frozen yogurt chef. 173 00:08:16,871 --> 00:08:17,998 Which one is she? 174 00:08:18,081 --> 00:08:19,916 The one in the green hoodie. 175 00:08:20,166 --> 00:08:21,167 Wow. 176 00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:25,005 I wonder if she's like a guidance counselor or something. 177 00:08:25,088 --> 00:08:26,673 No. I don't think so. 178 00:08:26,756 --> 00:08:28,967 Andy: Sheslme, probably a tutor... nope. 179 00:08:29,050 --> 00:08:30,510 She probably teaches... no. 180 00:08:30,593 --> 00:08:32,429 There's no... 181 00:08:34,472 --> 00:08:38,184 Okay, press conference in 45. Dwight, make sure this place looks nice. 182 00:08:38,268 --> 00:08:39,352 On it. 183 00:08:42,772 --> 00:08:45,358 Okay, Karen, Ryan, Pam, center stage. 184 00:08:45,442 --> 00:08:47,569 Pam, run a comb through your hair. 185 00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:51,573 Dwight: First rule in roadside beet sales, put the most attractive beets on top. 186 00:08:51,656 --> 00:08:54,284 The ones that make you pull the car over and go, "wow. 187 00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:57,746 "I need this beet right now." Those are the money beets. 188 00:09:02,250 --> 00:09:06,713 Hey. Look sharp. Hey. Hi. Hello, Dwight schrute. 189 00:09:06,796 --> 00:09:08,381 And you must be 190 00:09:08,465 --> 00:09:10,467 from the Washington post. Scranton times. 191 00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:12,260 Chad lite, lighter side of life. 192 00:09:12,343 --> 00:09:13,887 And breaking corporate news. 193 00:09:13,970 --> 00:09:15,138 And obits. 194 00:09:16,598 --> 00:09:17,766 Oh, dear god. 195 00:09:17,849 --> 00:09:19,434 Okay. Here are your credentials. 196 00:09:19,517 --> 00:09:21,770 You've been granted level three security clearance. 197 00:09:21,853 --> 00:09:24,981 Don't get too excited. That's out of 20. Right this way. 198 00:09:25,065 --> 00:09:27,168 Regional manager Michael Scott will be addressing the client 199 00:09:27,192 --> 00:09:28,860 in the pressroom shortly. 200 00:09:28,943 --> 00:09:30,028 Have a seat. 201 00:09:30,111 --> 00:09:32,280 Can I get you a beverage? Yeah, I'd like a... 202 00:09:32,363 --> 00:09:33,364 Great. 203 00:09:37,827 --> 00:09:38,912 Andy, you know what? 204 00:09:38,995 --> 00:09:41,956 We don't have a lot of time, so we should probably... 205 00:09:42,624 --> 00:09:43,917 Jamie! Andy... oh... 206 00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,835 What are you doing here? Andy? 207 00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:47,295 Are you a student here? 208 00:09:47,378 --> 00:09:49,255 Oh, yeah. 209 00:09:49,380 --> 00:09:51,841 You never told me you were in high school! 210 00:09:53,009 --> 00:09:56,137 This is weird. I got to go to Spanish. 211 00:10:01,184 --> 00:10:02,685 Oh, my god! 212 00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:05,313 Oh, my god. 213 00:10:08,149 --> 00:10:09,359 I had no idea. 214 00:10:10,819 --> 00:10:13,613 Well, that's not going to hold up in court. 215 00:10:14,781 --> 00:10:16,533 We didn't do anything illegal. 216 00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:18,827 Except knock over a mailbox with her friends. 217 00:10:20,161 --> 00:10:21,955 Sir... yes, you have a valid point... 218 00:10:22,038 --> 00:10:23,164 Okay. 219 00:10:23,248 --> 00:10:24,791 And I'm sorry. Yes. 220 00:10:25,834 --> 00:10:27,752 No, I am so sorry. 221 00:10:27,836 --> 00:10:28,962 Really? Dixon city? 222 00:10:29,045 --> 00:10:30,523 I have an aunt in carbondale. Angela: Excuse me? 223 00:10:30,547 --> 00:10:32,507 Well, I don't see how that's our fault. 224 00:10:32,590 --> 00:10:35,844 And I've already told you the official position of dunder Mifflin is apologetic, 225 00:10:35,927 --> 00:10:38,179 so I don't know what you want from me. 226 00:10:39,430 --> 00:10:45,311 Okay, first, I just want to say that you are doing so good. 227 00:10:45,395 --> 00:10:48,648 Look, you have so many good qualities, 228 00:10:48,731 --> 00:10:53,027 that the one that you might want to work on is apologizing. 229 00:10:55,196 --> 00:10:57,699 When I went over Wednesday for the spot-check, 230 00:10:57,782 --> 00:10:59,075 I get a call from Debbie brown 231 00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:02,328 saying she has an emergency dentist appointment. 232 00:11:02,453 --> 00:11:04,247 Emergency dentist appointment? 233 00:11:04,330 --> 00:11:07,125 Now I'm told she told her manager she had the flu. 234 00:11:07,709 --> 00:11:10,044 I'm a trusting guy, 235 00:11:10,128 --> 00:11:12,848 but I just wish Debbie brown had been there. We would've caught this. 236 00:11:16,426 --> 00:11:17,427 Yes. 237 00:11:18,386 --> 00:11:20,138 I'll be sure someone returns your call. 238 00:11:20,221 --> 00:11:22,432 I'm so sorry. Bye. 239 00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:24,642 Hello, I'm looking for Michael Scott. 240 00:11:24,726 --> 00:11:27,103 Mrs. Allen is our most important client. 241 00:11:27,770 --> 00:11:31,107 Because every client is our most important client. 242 00:11:31,858 --> 00:11:34,694 Even though she's a pretty unimportant client, really. 243 00:11:35,570 --> 00:11:38,948 And so, with the eyes of the nation upon us, 244 00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:41,576 I would like to say that dunder Mifflin 245 00:11:41,659 --> 00:11:44,871 truly regrets this unfortunate incident. 246 00:11:45,538 --> 00:11:48,249 And as a gesture of gratitude 247 00:11:48,333 --> 00:11:51,669 for your continued onalty, Mrs. Allen, 248 00:11:52,503 --> 00:11:56,007 I would like to present you with this novelty check 249 00:11:56,090 --> 00:12:00,595 for six months of free paper or 25 reams, whichever comes first. 250 00:12:03,306 --> 00:12:04,307 You look good in this. 251 00:12:04,390 --> 00:12:08,978 So, let us consider this matter ended. 252 00:12:09,896 --> 00:12:14,651 Well, it isn't ended. I'm very angry. I could have lost business. 253 00:12:14,776 --> 00:12:15,944 I know. 254 00:12:16,027 --> 00:12:20,031 I know you are angry and we are truly, truly sorry. 255 00:12:21,157 --> 00:12:22,742 I don't accept your apology. 256 00:12:22,825 --> 00:12:25,203 The watermark was obscene and horrifying. 257 00:12:25,620 --> 00:12:28,539 Well, we are extremely sorry. 258 00:12:28,623 --> 00:12:30,166 I don't accept. 259 00:12:36,214 --> 00:12:38,591 I'll be with you in a moment. All right. 260 00:12:42,428 --> 00:12:45,848 Who was that guy she was talking to at her locker? 261 00:12:45,932 --> 00:12:48,434 Not important because you're not dating her, 262 00:12:48,518 --> 00:12:50,103 because it's a felony. 263 00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:52,355 But who was that guy? 264 00:12:52,438 --> 00:12:54,524 Probably another high school student. 265 00:12:58,569 --> 00:13:00,405 The issue with the watermark is very serious. 266 00:13:00,488 --> 00:13:01,531 Absolutely. 267 00:13:01,656 --> 00:13:03,866 We teach our students that character counts. 268 00:13:03,950 --> 00:13:05,201 And you should. 269 00:13:06,661 --> 00:13:08,204 You don't teach it well enough. 270 00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:10,456 One of your students is a bitch. 271 00:13:10,540 --> 00:13:14,294 Know what? Andy is having a real rough day today. 272 00:13:14,377 --> 00:13:16,838 I want to take out an ad in your yearbook. 273 00:13:17,422 --> 00:13:18,631 Full page, two words. 274 00:13:18,715 --> 00:13:20,466 "Good luck." 275 00:13:20,550 --> 00:13:22,593 That's not what I had in mind. 276 00:13:23,094 --> 00:13:24,887 Ask where he's from. Man: Absolutely. 277 00:13:24,971 --> 00:13:26,431 Where are you from? 278 00:13:26,889 --> 00:13:28,766 Ohio? That's nice. 279 00:13:28,891 --> 00:13:30,393 So what do you want? 280 00:13:31,227 --> 00:13:32,562 He's upset about the watermark. 281 00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:34,999 Okay, great. Now, just tell him that it was an unfortunate error 282 00:13:35,023 --> 00:13:38,151 and we are doing everything we can do to fix it and that you're sorry. 283 00:13:38,234 --> 00:13:40,945 It was an unfortunate error. We're fixing it. 284 00:13:41,029 --> 00:13:42,256 And you already got your money back. 285 00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:43,531 (Whispers) And you're sorry. 286 00:13:43,614 --> 00:13:47,660 And the company has already apologized, so you can take that apology or not. 287 00:13:50,621 --> 00:13:52,415 I think he had tourette's or something! 288 00:13:52,623 --> 00:13:55,710 We are going to do everything humanly possible 289 00:13:55,793 --> 00:13:57,712 to ensure that this never happens again. 290 00:13:57,795 --> 00:13:59,505 Well, it doesn't help. Why? 291 00:13:59,589 --> 00:14:00,899 Because it already happened to me. 292 00:14:00,923 --> 00:14:03,509 The watermark, it's a one-time thing. 293 00:14:03,593 --> 00:14:05,678 I don't care! It was disgusting. 294 00:14:05,762 --> 00:14:07,305 Cartoon characters having sex? 295 00:14:07,388 --> 00:14:11,142 May I point out that the sex appeared to be consensual? 296 00:14:11,225 --> 00:14:12,977 Both animals were smiling. Okay. 297 00:14:13,519 --> 00:14:14,937 I grew up on a farm. 298 00:14:15,021 --> 00:14:18,316 I have seen animals having sex in every position imaginable. 299 00:14:18,941 --> 00:14:21,527 Goat on chicken. Chicken on goat. 300 00:14:22,028 --> 00:14:25,156 Couple of chickens doing a goat. Couple of pigs watching. 301 00:14:25,490 --> 00:14:27,825 Whoever drew this got it exactly right. 302 00:14:28,242 --> 00:14:31,704 What can I do for you? 303 00:14:31,788 --> 00:14:34,832 All right. For starters, I think that you should resign. 304 00:14:34,999 --> 00:14:36,209 (Stammers) 305 00:14:36,292 --> 00:14:39,921 Okay. Well, wasn't really my fault. 306 00:14:40,004 --> 00:14:41,297 The guys at the paper mill... 307 00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:43,192 You're the head... the guy at the paper mill's... no, no, no. 308 00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:44,985 You're the head of the company! I'm the head of the company? 309 00:14:45,009 --> 00:14:46,403 Yes, and that makes it your responsibility... 310 00:14:46,427 --> 00:14:47,553 No, I'm a regional manager! 311 00:14:47,637 --> 00:14:49,448 And so you should lose your job! No... what? Okay. 312 00:14:49,472 --> 00:14:51,307 This is insane. You can get out of here. 313 00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:53,393 Get out. That's insane. Fine. 314 00:14:53,476 --> 00:14:55,079 I will give this to somebody who will appreciate it. 315 00:14:55,103 --> 00:14:56,914 Dwight: It's non-transferable. Doesn't matter. Out please! 316 00:14:56,938 --> 00:14:58,165 I'm calling the better business bureau! 317 00:14:58,189 --> 00:15:01,150 Yeah, well I'm calling the ungrateful biatch hotline! 318 00:15:05,321 --> 00:15:06,823 Did you get all that? 319 00:15:06,989 --> 00:15:08,157 Everything. 320 00:15:12,412 --> 00:15:14,539 We've gotta do something. 321 00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:16,958 (Exhales) 322 00:15:17,041 --> 00:15:19,710 This is all spinning out of control, Pam. This is just not... 323 00:15:19,794 --> 00:15:21,170 It's just the Scranton times. 324 00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:23,548 No, then newsweek picks it up 325 00:15:23,631 --> 00:15:28,302 and then CNN does a story about it and then YouTube gets a hold of it. 326 00:15:28,386 --> 00:15:29,822 You know what? I really think the whole thing 327 00:15:29,846 --> 00:15:32,640 is just going to blow over in like a week or two. 328 00:15:34,392 --> 00:15:36,394 You're right. It will blow over. 329 00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:41,732 But it's not going to take 330 00:15:42,650 --> 00:15:44,026 a week or two. 331 00:15:44,527 --> 00:15:46,446 Do you know what this is for? 332 00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:47,947 Yes. 333 00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:52,118 Michael likes me to run the camera when he makes his apology videos. 334 00:15:52,743 --> 00:15:55,079 He says he needs a woman's touch. 335 00:16:06,591 --> 00:16:08,342 Okay, I think that's good. 336 00:16:08,759 --> 00:16:13,431 Hello, I am Michael Scott, regional manager of dunder Mifflin, Scranton. 337 00:16:13,514 --> 00:16:17,101 By now, you're probably sick of hearing about dunder Mifflin 338 00:16:17,185 --> 00:16:19,812 and our embarrassing watermark boner. 339 00:16:20,271 --> 00:16:21,856 Michael: Let me tell you something. 340 00:16:21,939 --> 00:16:23,524 Something from the heart. 341 00:16:23,608 --> 00:16:26,777 I am not leaving this office. 342 00:16:26,861 --> 00:16:32,492 It will take a SWAT team to remove me from this office and maybe not even then. 343 00:16:32,575 --> 00:16:34,076 You could never withstand a SWAT team. 344 00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:36,412 That's how devoted I am to thisjob. 345 00:16:37,580 --> 00:16:38,849 Dwight: I'm just saying... I know. 346 00:16:38,873 --> 00:16:40,517 They would flank you, throw in a concussion grenade. 347 00:16:40,541 --> 00:16:42,311 I understand that, Dwight. You'd be on the ground... 348 00:16:42,335 --> 00:16:44,313 Do you think you're taking it a little... blind, deaf, dumb. 349 00:16:44,337 --> 00:16:45,838 Literally, Dwight? 350 00:16:45,922 --> 00:16:47,566 If you wanted to be... And now we're wasting tape. 351 00:16:47,590 --> 00:16:48,984 I'm going to have to cut this all out. 352 00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:50,218 Michael: Can you say cut... 353 00:16:50,301 --> 00:16:51,528 Cut... so I'll know where to... 354 00:16:51,552 --> 00:16:53,304 Cut. I'm asking Pam to do it, please. 355 00:16:53,387 --> 00:16:55,348 Cut okay. Ready? 356 00:16:56,599 --> 00:16:58,518 Kevin, what's four plus seven? 357 00:16:59,519 --> 00:17:01,062 Eleven. 358 00:17:01,145 --> 00:17:04,398 Yeah, well, you didn't know that when you filled out this payroll form. 359 00:17:04,482 --> 00:17:08,069 Yeah? Well, at least I didn't suck at customer relations. 360 00:17:08,152 --> 00:17:11,697 Oh, yes! Facial. Yes. 361 00:17:11,781 --> 00:17:13,074 You two are apes. 362 00:17:14,242 --> 00:17:16,577 I expect you to apologize for that, Angela. 363 00:17:16,661 --> 00:17:19,914 I'm sorry that you're both morons! 364 00:17:19,997 --> 00:17:21,541 Oh, but you still said, "I'm sorry." 365 00:17:21,624 --> 00:17:22,792 I called you morons. 366 00:17:22,875 --> 00:17:25,211 Kevin: Still said it. Still said it, so... 367 00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:36,347 Five, four, three... 368 00:17:36,430 --> 00:17:40,017 There is no way I will resign. 369 00:17:40,101 --> 00:17:43,729 It wouldn't be fair. Not to the good workers I work with, 370 00:17:43,813 --> 00:17:45,398 not to my clients, 371 00:17:45,481 --> 00:17:48,192 and especially not to me. 372 00:17:48,276 --> 00:17:52,738 Let's not forget who this whole resigning business is about anyway. 373 00:17:53,739 --> 00:17:58,953 If I could leave you with one thought, remember, itwasn't me. 374 00:17:59,036 --> 00:18:02,039 They're trying to make me an escape goat. 375 00:18:02,123 --> 00:18:04,500 If I am tired, I swear to god, 376 00:18:05,293 --> 00:18:09,088 that every single piece of copier paper in this town 377 00:18:09,171 --> 00:18:12,383 is going to have the f-word on it. 378 00:18:13,342 --> 00:18:14,844 Michael: The f-word. 379 00:18:15,845 --> 00:18:17,221 You have one day. 380 00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:20,141 Pam: One day for what? 381 00:18:20,224 --> 00:18:22,602 Thats_. They always give an ultimatum. 382 00:18:23,811 --> 00:18:25,229 Okay. 383 00:18:25,313 --> 00:18:27,148 Michael: Good? Cut? Cut. 384 00:18:28,357 --> 00:18:30,693 That was your best apology video ever. 385 00:18:30,776 --> 00:18:31,902 I thought so, too. 386 00:18:32,153 --> 00:18:34,697 I got a farewell card for Debbie brown. 387 00:18:34,780 --> 00:18:37,593 I thought maybe you'd like to sign it. Maybe throw a couple of bucks in there. 388 00:18:37,617 --> 00:18:38,885 Unfortunately, she's got some children. 389 00:18:38,909 --> 00:18:42,913 Creed: I feel terrible about Debbie brown. She got fired because of Dwight. 390 00:18:43,039 --> 00:18:46,042 So I thought I'd pass around a goodbye card. 391 00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:48,353 Maybe everyone could put in a couple of bucks to help her through 392 00:18:48,377 --> 00:18:50,046 these difficult times. 393 00:18:51,005 --> 00:18:54,216 Why do bad things always happen to the good people? 394 00:18:55,551 --> 00:18:58,220 It's tragic. It is just tragic. 395 00:19:03,601 --> 00:19:05,436 You want music? I don't care. 396 00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:10,650 Come on, man. Just give it a couple of days. I think you'll be all right. 397 00:19:10,733 --> 00:19:12,026 Yeah. 398 00:19:16,781 --> 00:19:18,991 (Scatting the lion sleeps tonight) 399 00:19:25,039 --> 00:19:26,916 You know what? I don't... 400 00:19:27,208 --> 00:19:29,502 (Continues scatting) 401 00:19:33,130 --> 00:19:35,841 (Scatting the lion sleeps tonight) 402 00:19:48,604 --> 00:19:49,605 Sweet. 403 00:19:54,151 --> 00:19:55,695 Pam. 404 00:19:55,778 --> 00:19:57,071 Hey, Dwight. 405 00:19:57,738 --> 00:20:00,116 You look really nice today. 406 00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:01,951 I look like an idiot! 407 00:20:02,827 --> 00:20:04,161 Hey, Karen. 408 00:20:04,245 --> 00:20:05,913 Hey, Dwight. Looking sharp. 409 00:20:05,996 --> 00:20:09,166 Yeah, that's 'cause I'm your boyfriend, Jim Halpert. 410 00:20:10,042 --> 00:20:13,713 Hey, Karen. Wanna get together later 411 00:20:13,796 --> 00:20:16,298 and have sexual intercourse 'cause you're my girlfriend? 412 00:20:16,382 --> 00:20:17,758 Do you? No. 413 00:20:17,842 --> 00:20:19,468 Okay. I'm good. Thanks. 414 00:20:26,517 --> 00:20:27,727 Look at that. 415 00:20:27,810 --> 00:20:29,437 I'm Jim Halpert. 416 00:20:31,272 --> 00:20:32,440 Jim: Spot on. 417 00:20:32,606 --> 00:20:33,649 (Mumbles) 418 00:20:33,733 --> 00:20:35,109 A little comment.