1 00:00:02,503 --> 00:00:03,795 Hey. Hey. 2 00:00:08,509 --> 00:00:09,927 Oh, what's this? 3 00:00:10,511 --> 00:00:12,346 That is a demerit. 4 00:00:12,429 --> 00:00:14,473 "Jim Halpert. Tardiness." 5 00:00:15,307 --> 00:00:16,975 Oh. I love it, already. 6 00:00:17,059 --> 00:00:18,953 You've got to learn, Jim. You are a second in command, 7 00:00:18,977 --> 00:00:20,413 but that does not put you above the law. 8 00:00:20,437 --> 00:00:21,647 Oh, I understand. 9 00:00:21,730 --> 00:00:23,440 And I also have lots of questions. 10 00:00:23,524 --> 00:00:26,276 Like, what does a demerit mean? 11 00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:29,112 Let's put it this way. You do not want to receive three of those. 12 00:00:29,196 --> 00:00:30,197 Lay it on me. 13 00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:32,241 Three demerits, and you'll receive a citation. 14 00:00:32,324 --> 00:00:33,700 Now, that sounds serious. 15 00:00:33,784 --> 00:00:35,285 Oh, it is serious. 16 00:00:35,369 --> 00:00:38,163 Five citations, and you're looking at a violation. 17 00:00:38,247 --> 00:00:40,707 Four of those, and you'll receive a verbal warning. 18 00:00:40,791 --> 00:00:42,918 Keep it up, and you're looking at a written warning. 19 00:00:43,001 --> 00:00:46,421 Two of those, that will land you in a world of hurt, 20 00:00:46,505 --> 00:00:48,757 in the form of a disciplinary review, 21 00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:52,010 written up by me, and placed on the desk of my immediate superior. 22 00:00:52,094 --> 00:00:53,929 Which would be me. 23 00:00:54,429 --> 00:00:55,430 That is correct. 24 00:00:55,514 --> 00:00:58,433 Okay. I want a copy on my desk by the end of the day 25 00:00:58,517 --> 00:01:02,688 or you will receive a full desaggelation. 26 00:01:02,771 --> 00:01:04,898 What's a... what's that? 27 00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:08,694 Oh, you don't want to know. 28 00:01:50,027 --> 00:01:52,195 Hey, Phyllis. Are you all right? 29 00:01:52,362 --> 00:01:54,531 I think I just got flashed. 30 00:01:55,907 --> 00:01:57,576 What? Really? 31 00:01:58,493 --> 00:01:59,703 In the parking lot. 32 00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:00,954 Oh, my god. 33 00:02:02,039 --> 00:02:03,290 Move! 34 00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:06,585 Okay, I'll call the real police. 35 00:02:06,668 --> 00:02:09,087 What happened? What can I do to help? 36 00:02:09,171 --> 00:02:10,339 Okay. 37 00:02:11,590 --> 00:02:13,383 I'll check the web. 38 00:02:14,593 --> 00:02:16,136 Thank you. 39 00:02:17,387 --> 00:02:18,388 The police are on it. 40 00:02:18,472 --> 00:02:20,599 They say they've already had three calls. 41 00:02:21,558 --> 00:02:23,644 Can you tell us what happened? 42 00:02:24,686 --> 00:02:28,482 I was walking to the building and this man asked me for directions. 43 00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:31,735 And he was holding a map. 44 00:02:32,235 --> 00:02:38,158 And when I walked over, he had it out on the map. 45 00:02:38,367 --> 00:02:40,869 Phyllis. You're a married woman. 46 00:02:40,952 --> 00:02:44,414 The guy was just hanging brain. I mean, what's all the fuss? 47 00:02:45,123 --> 00:02:47,125 If that's flashing, then lock me up. 48 00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:49,836 Yeah. It's just, like, so creepy. 49 00:02:51,755 --> 00:02:53,090 What's happening? 50 00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:56,301 Oh, some guy exposed himself to Phyllis in the parking lot. 51 00:02:57,427 --> 00:02:58,887 Really? Is she okay? 52 00:02:58,970 --> 00:03:02,099 Yeah. Bob Vance took her for a walk to calm down. 53 00:03:02,182 --> 00:03:03,308 Okay. 54 00:03:06,436 --> 00:03:08,063 Phyllis, you say? 55 00:03:11,858 --> 00:03:13,485 What is so funny? 56 00:03:14,528 --> 00:03:16,321 I mean, did he even see Pam? 57 00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:18,824 Or, Karen from behind? 58 00:03:19,616 --> 00:03:21,243 I'm guessing not. 59 00:03:25,372 --> 00:03:26,915 I'm sorry. 60 00:03:29,793 --> 00:03:32,003 It's pretty funny when you think about it. 61 00:03:32,087 --> 00:03:33,505 Not really. No. 62 00:03:33,588 --> 00:03:34,840 It's disgusting and demeaning. 63 00:03:34,923 --> 00:03:36,967 Oh, okay. 64 00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:39,469 Masters of comedy, a guy dropped his pants. 65 00:03:39,553 --> 00:03:41,388 Have you ever been to the circus? 66 00:03:42,597 --> 00:03:43,724 Okay. 67 00:03:49,020 --> 00:03:50,230 He's back! 68 00:03:53,316 --> 00:03:54,443 Okay. 69 00:03:55,777 --> 00:03:57,529 (Speaking gibberish) 70 00:03:58,655 --> 00:04:01,199 Hey, what's going on? There's a police car in the... 71 00:04:01,450 --> 00:04:02,576 What? 72 00:04:02,659 --> 00:04:03,660 (Exclaims) 73 00:04:05,412 --> 00:04:06,621 What's going on? 74 00:04:06,705 --> 00:04:08,790 Oh, Phyllis got flashed. It's... 75 00:04:10,292 --> 00:04:13,253 I don't think laughing about it is an appropriate response. 76 00:04:13,336 --> 00:04:14,504 Oh, come on. 77 00:04:14,588 --> 00:04:16,441 We're laughing at Phyllis but she's not even here. 78 00:04:16,465 --> 00:04:18,008 So, no harm, no foul. 79 00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:19,402 I don't think the women in this office... 80 00:04:19,426 --> 00:04:20,862 Incidentally, where were you during all of this? 81 00:04:20,886 --> 00:04:22,304 Maybe you're the flasher. 82 00:04:22,387 --> 00:04:25,056 I was at a parent-teacher conference. 83 00:04:25,140 --> 00:04:27,058 Prove it. Let's see your penis. 84 00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:33,690 I... you know... 85 00:04:34,858 --> 00:04:39,362 As that was coming out of my mouth, I knew that it was wrong. 86 00:04:42,491 --> 00:04:43,950 In all the excitement, 87 00:04:44,659 --> 00:04:49,456 I forgot that my primary goal is to keep people safe. 88 00:04:51,917 --> 00:04:55,504 Women can't have fun if they don't feel safe. 89 00:04:56,505 --> 00:05:01,176 For example, jan and I have a safe word in case things go too far. 90 00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:03,720 Fohage. 91 00:05:03,804 --> 00:05:08,183 And if one of us says that word, the other one has to stop. 92 00:05:11,686 --> 00:05:16,483 Although last time, she pretended she didn't hear me. 93 00:05:17,359 --> 00:05:19,528 Jan: Michael, come over after work tonight, okay? 94 00:05:19,611 --> 00:05:21,029 I miss your body. 95 00:05:22,197 --> 00:05:25,826 I don't know. I feel... I drive a lot. 96 00:05:26,576 --> 00:05:28,537 I'm spending a fortune on gas and tools. 97 00:05:28,620 --> 00:05:31,900 Okay. I'll give you $200. And if! Get up before you, I 'ii leave it on the dresser. 98 00:05:32,666 --> 00:05:34,000 That... I don't know. 99 00:05:34,084 --> 00:05:35,436 That makes me kind of uncomfortable. 100 00:05:35,460 --> 00:05:37,170 $300? 101 00:05:37,254 --> 00:05:38,839 Well... I don't know. 102 00:05:38,922 --> 00:05:40,048 Look, whatever. 103 00:05:40,131 --> 00:05:41,943 Just let my assistant know if you're coming over 104 00:05:41,967 --> 00:05:43,194 so he can get more vodka. Okay? 105 00:05:43,218 --> 00:05:45,428 Hunter, are you on? Hunter: You got it, jan. 106 00:05:49,099 --> 00:05:51,810 Dwight: The employees of this office are very small and delicate. 107 00:05:51,893 --> 00:05:54,437 Deserve protection from local pervs. 108 00:05:54,729 --> 00:05:56,773 Better a thousand innocent men are locked up 109 00:05:56,857 --> 00:05:58,692 than one guilty man roam free. 110 00:06:00,151 --> 00:06:03,822 I am sick over this thing. Those people out there are clearly afraid. 111 00:06:03,905 --> 00:06:06,199 And that can't happen. Not in my house. 112 00:06:06,283 --> 00:06:09,411 Agreed. Let me show you what I've been working on. 113 00:06:09,494 --> 00:06:11,162 There are several penises there 114 00:06:11,246 --> 00:06:13,123 I'd love Phyllis to run her eyes over. 115 00:06:13,206 --> 00:06:14,851 You know, see if we can catch this pervert. 116 00:06:14,875 --> 00:06:18,920 This is the last thing that Phyllis needs to see right now, Dwight. 117 00:06:19,004 --> 00:06:20,255 Look at that one. 118 00:06:22,507 --> 00:06:24,259 Dwight, are those your pants? 119 00:06:24,342 --> 00:06:25,844 That's a polaroid. 120 00:06:28,305 --> 00:06:31,683 Attention, everybody. Dwight has something he would like to say. 121 00:06:31,766 --> 00:06:34,311 Due to a recent incident involving 122 00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:38,106 Phyllis, a man, a map, and his penis, 123 00:06:38,189 --> 00:06:39,709 I think you know what I'm referring to, 124 00:06:39,774 --> 00:06:44,905 Michael has authorized me to form an emergency anti-flashing task force. 125 00:06:46,031 --> 00:06:49,117 Question. Won't that interfere with your other task forces? 126 00:06:49,534 --> 00:06:52,913 Answer. No, because this is being given priority one. 127 00:06:52,996 --> 00:06:54,748 This is a petition for the business park 128 00:06:54,831 --> 00:06:56,541 to upgrade their security cameras 129 00:06:56,625 --> 00:07:00,045 as well as install two floodlights in the parking lot. 130 00:07:00,128 --> 00:07:02,213 And I know what you're thinking. 131 00:07:02,297 --> 00:07:05,634 Won't that just shed more light on the penises? 132 00:07:05,717 --> 00:07:07,385 But that is a risk we have to take. 133 00:07:07,469 --> 00:07:09,387 Pam. You can draw, kind of. 134 00:07:09,471 --> 00:07:11,014 Why don't you work with phallus 135 00:07:11,097 --> 00:07:12,849 on drawing a picture of the exposer 136 00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:14,434 that I can post around the community? 137 00:07:14,517 --> 00:07:15,518 Phallus? 138 00:07:15,602 --> 00:07:16,770 Phyllis. Sorry. 139 00:07:17,228 --> 00:07:20,690 I've got penises on the brain. Back to work, everybody. 140 00:07:27,489 --> 00:07:30,825 I don't often miss Roy, but I can tell you one thing. 141 00:07:30,951 --> 00:07:33,745 I wish someone had flashed me when I was with Roy. 142 00:07:33,828 --> 00:07:36,665 Because that would have been the ass-kicking of the year. 143 00:07:37,624 --> 00:07:39,417 Especially if it had been Jim. 144 00:07:41,252 --> 00:07:43,505 He would not have wanted me to have seen Jim's... 145 00:07:45,382 --> 00:07:48,134 I'm... I am saying a lot of things. 146 00:07:52,847 --> 00:07:54,766 I didn't really get a good look. 147 00:07:54,849 --> 00:07:56,685 That's okay. 148 00:07:56,768 --> 00:07:58,144 I don't feel like answering phones. 149 00:07:58,228 --> 00:08:01,314 Hey, did you guys see this memo that Dwight sent out? 150 00:08:01,398 --> 00:08:03,900 "Women will be sent home if they wear makeup 151 00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:06,361 "or heels exceeding one-quarter inch. 152 00:08:06,444 --> 00:08:08,279 "Females are not allowed to speak to strangers 153 00:08:08,363 --> 00:08:11,157 "unless given written authorization by Dwight schrute." 154 00:08:11,324 --> 00:08:12,409 This is ridiculous. 155 00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:15,954 Attention. I am removing all bananas from the kitchen. 156 00:08:17,372 --> 00:08:21,334 Dwight, this memo that you distributed is insulting. 157 00:08:21,418 --> 00:08:23,211 Desperate times call for desperate measures. 158 00:08:23,294 --> 00:08:24,754 "Sleeves down to the wrists"? 159 00:08:24,838 --> 00:08:27,173 "Button-up collars and muted colors." 160 00:08:27,257 --> 00:08:28,591 Nobody dresses like that. 161 00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:30,468 Michael: Okay. You know something, Dwight? 162 00:08:30,552 --> 00:08:32,262 We are not the terrorists. 163 00:08:32,345 --> 00:08:35,682 Why don't you just take these women, put them in a burlap sack, 164 00:08:35,765 --> 00:08:36,933 and hit them with a stick? 165 00:08:37,017 --> 00:08:38,202 Because that's what you're doing. 166 00:08:38,226 --> 00:08:40,061 I celebrate these women. 167 00:08:40,145 --> 00:08:43,356 They deserve the right to dress as they please. 168 00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:46,026 If Pam wants to show more cleavage, she should be able to. 169 00:08:46,109 --> 00:08:47,652 I encourage that. 170 00:08:48,194 --> 00:08:49,446 Look, it's really simple. 171 00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:51,489 We just want you guys to treat us with respect. 172 00:08:51,823 --> 00:08:54,659 See? That's what we're talking about. Did you hear that, Dwight? 173 00:08:54,951 --> 00:08:57,746 Yes. Did you hear that, Michael? 174 00:08:57,829 --> 00:08:58,913 No, Dwight. Respect. 175 00:08:58,997 --> 00:09:03,877 R-e-s-p-c-t. Find out what it means to me. 176 00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:06,546 All right. You know what? That's it. 177 00:09:06,629 --> 00:09:08,923 Conference room. Five minutes. Women's appreciation. 178 00:09:09,007 --> 00:09:11,926 Wait a second. How are you qualified for that? 179 00:09:12,010 --> 00:09:15,180 Oh, I don't know, James. Did I come from a woman? 180 00:09:15,263 --> 00:09:17,140 Have I slept with a woman? More than one? 181 00:09:17,223 --> 00:09:18,475 Less than three. 182 00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:19,934 That is not current. 183 00:09:20,018 --> 00:09:22,145 You know what? Why doesn't Oscar run the meeting? 184 00:09:22,228 --> 00:09:23,313 He's a homosexual. 185 00:09:23,396 --> 00:09:25,332 Why don't you run the meeting? You play with dolls. 186 00:09:25,356 --> 00:09:26,858 Those are collectible action figures. 187 00:09:26,941 --> 00:09:28,377 And they're worth more than your car. 188 00:09:28,401 --> 00:09:31,529 You know what? I am the expert. I will conduct it. 189 00:09:31,613 --> 00:09:33,156 I know the crap out of women. 190 00:09:33,239 --> 00:09:36,534 I would like to apologize 191 00:09:36,618 --> 00:09:39,412 for all the men who thought this was a laughing matter. 192 00:09:39,496 --> 00:09:41,206 Are we still discussing this? 193 00:09:41,289 --> 00:09:43,249 I say again, what is the big deal? 194 00:09:43,333 --> 00:09:46,503 Nobody likes to be flashed. 195 00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:49,380 When Meredith flashed me at that Christmas party, 196 00:09:49,464 --> 00:09:50,673 I nearly vomited. 197 00:09:50,757 --> 00:09:52,008 I don't remember doing that. 198 00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:53,259 What a surprise. 199 00:09:53,343 --> 00:09:54,844 Okay. No catfights. Please? Let's... 200 00:09:54,928 --> 00:09:56,721 My point is... 201 00:09:56,805 --> 00:09:58,807 My point is... 202 00:10:00,517 --> 00:10:05,522 A penis, when seen in the right context, 203 00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:08,149 is the most wonderful sight for a woman. 204 00:10:08,233 --> 00:10:10,693 But in the wrong context, it is like a monster movie. 205 00:10:10,777 --> 00:10:12,403 Alien. 206 00:10:12,487 --> 00:10:14,364 What? Shut it. Shut up. 207 00:10:14,781 --> 00:10:19,702 Okay. So, what I want to engage us in today is a hardcore discussion 208 00:10:19,828 --> 00:10:25,041 about women's problems and issues and situations. 209 00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:27,877 Magazines and TV shows and movies 210 00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:32,757 portray women as skinny, tall goddesses. 211 00:10:32,882 --> 00:10:37,345 Well, look around. Are women like that? 212 00:10:37,428 --> 00:10:40,473 No. No, they are not. 213 00:10:41,933 --> 00:10:44,894 Even the hot ones aren't really that skinny. 214 00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:47,480 So, what does that say? 215 00:10:47,856 --> 00:10:51,693 That says that you women are up against it. 216 00:10:51,776 --> 00:10:53,528 And it is criminal. 217 00:10:53,611 --> 00:10:56,239 Society doesn't care. Society sucks. 218 00:10:56,322 --> 00:10:59,659 I don't even consider myself a part of society. 219 00:10:59,742 --> 00:11:03,538 F.y.i. Because I am so angry over all of this. 220 00:11:03,621 --> 00:11:09,210 If itwere up to me, you ladies would be the fashion models. 221 00:11:09,294 --> 00:11:10,545 Yes, Andy. 222 00:11:10,628 --> 00:11:13,339 Then, the fashion models could come here and work with me. 223 00:11:13,423 --> 00:11:15,800 What you're saying is extremely misogynistic. 224 00:11:15,884 --> 00:11:16,885 Yes. 225 00:11:18,094 --> 00:11:19,220 Thank you. 226 00:11:19,804 --> 00:11:23,641 That was not necessary, but I appreciated it. And it proves my point. 227 00:11:23,725 --> 00:11:25,310 Women can do anything. 228 00:11:25,393 --> 00:11:27,312 I'm saying that you're being sexist. 229 00:11:27,395 --> 00:11:30,899 No. I'm being misogynistic. That is insane. 230 00:11:30,982 --> 00:11:32,942 I am not being sexist. That's the same thing. 231 00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:34,235 Michael. Yes. 232 00:11:34,319 --> 00:11:35,612 When I got my hair cut short, 233 00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:37,363 you asked me if I was a lesbian. 234 00:11:38,156 --> 00:11:39,574 Because_. 235 00:11:39,657 --> 00:11:41,409 That was one possible explanation 236 00:11:41,492 --> 00:11:43,328 as to why you got that haircut. 237 00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:46,539 And when we get mad, you always ask us if we're on our periods. 238 00:11:46,623 --> 00:11:49,417 I have to know whether you're serious or not. 239 00:11:49,500 --> 00:11:51,586 I wish I could menstruate. 240 00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:53,314 If I could menstruate, I wouldn't have to deal 241 00:11:53,338 --> 00:11:55,548 with idiotic calendars anymore. 242 00:11:55,632 --> 00:11:58,259 I'd just be able to count down from my previous cycle. 243 00:11:58,676 --> 00:12:01,095 Plus, I'd be more in tune with the moon and the tides. 244 00:12:01,262 --> 00:12:02,555 Can we just get back to work? 245 00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:03,932 Yes. Okay. Yes. 246 00:12:04,015 --> 00:12:05,642 This is not work talk. 247 00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:07,602 You're right. You're right. And you know why? 248 00:12:07,685 --> 00:12:09,437 It's because of where we are. 249 00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:12,315 This is a masculine environment. 250 00:12:12,398 --> 00:12:15,777 We need to find a place where you feel comfortable. 251 00:12:15,860 --> 00:12:17,695 You know where we're gonna go? 252 00:12:17,820 --> 00:12:19,697 Steamtown mall. 253 00:12:21,491 --> 00:12:22,951 Frankly, it's kind of insulting. 254 00:12:23,034 --> 00:12:26,079 But I have a bunch of stuff I need to return in my car, 255 00:12:26,162 --> 00:12:28,790 so I can do that. 256 00:12:28,998 --> 00:12:31,501 Malls are just awful and humiliating. 257 00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:33,002 They're just store after store 258 00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:34,379 of these horrible sales people 259 00:12:34,462 --> 00:12:37,465 making a big fuss out of an adult shopping in a junior section. 260 00:12:38,466 --> 00:12:41,427 There are petite adults who are sort of smaller 261 00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:46,307 who need to wear, maybe, a kids' size 10. 262 00:12:47,058 --> 00:12:50,478 Okay! Let's go, ladies of dunder Mifflin. 263 00:12:50,561 --> 00:12:52,772 Hey, we should have a calendar printed up. 264 00:12:52,855 --> 00:12:56,276 Pam, put that in my good idea folder. 265 00:12:56,359 --> 00:12:57,902 Let's go! 266 00:12:57,986 --> 00:12:59,171 Are you finished with the sketch? 267 00:12:59,195 --> 00:13:00,363 Yeah. 268 00:13:01,030 --> 00:13:02,824 Doesn't seem like the type. 269 00:13:02,949 --> 00:13:04,659 Phyllis got a good look. 270 00:13:08,913 --> 00:13:11,457 I plan on plastering this pervert's face everywhere. 271 00:13:13,042 --> 00:13:15,503 You can run, but you cannot hide. 272 00:13:19,590 --> 00:13:20,842 Meredith, slow down! 273 00:13:20,925 --> 00:13:23,094 We're not gonna get there any faster ifwe're dead. 274 00:13:23,177 --> 00:13:25,346 Thanks. I know how to drive. 275 00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:33,646 Oh. Yeah. You really shouldn't litter. 276 00:13:33,730 --> 00:13:35,565 My car. My rules. 277 00:13:40,236 --> 00:13:41,404 Hey, Jim. 278 00:13:42,613 --> 00:13:44,907 You want to go in the women's bathroom? 279 00:13:44,991 --> 00:13:46,951 No. Thank you, though. 280 00:13:47,035 --> 00:13:48,578 You aren't curious? 281 00:13:48,661 --> 00:13:50,955 Not really. I've seen a bathroom before. 282 00:13:51,039 --> 00:13:54,792 Yeah, but, it's every guy's fantasy. 283 00:13:55,752 --> 00:13:57,337 I think you mean a girl's locker room. 284 00:13:57,420 --> 00:13:59,714 And in the fantasy, there's usually girls in it. 285 00:14:00,256 --> 00:14:01,257 Yeah. 286 00:14:02,759 --> 00:14:04,010 I'm going in. 287 00:14:04,093 --> 00:14:05,303 Go crazy. 288 00:14:10,266 --> 00:14:13,353 Oh, my god. 289 00:14:13,436 --> 00:14:14,955 I really appreciate your letting me work 290 00:14:14,979 --> 00:14:16,356 alongside you so closely today. 291 00:14:16,439 --> 00:14:17,899 Of course you do, moonface. 292 00:14:17,982 --> 00:14:20,294 That's because you're a preppy freak, you're the office pariah, 293 00:14:20,318 --> 00:14:21,444 and nobody likes you. 294 00:14:21,527 --> 00:14:24,697 So, start hanging these all around the building. 295 00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:31,221 This guy looks like a real deviant. 296 00:14:31,245 --> 00:14:32,246 No duh. 297 00:14:32,330 --> 00:14:34,475 That's why we've got to catch him. Start hanging those. 298 00:14:34,499 --> 00:14:35,750 Aye, aye, captain. 299 00:14:35,833 --> 00:14:37,710 More like, aye, aye, general. 300 00:14:38,419 --> 00:14:40,713 Michael: I don't think she's gonna make it. 301 00:14:40,797 --> 00:14:42,423 Don't think she's gonna make it! 302 00:14:45,843 --> 00:14:49,180 It's a little too tight. I'm gonna find another spot. 303 00:14:50,765 --> 00:14:53,684 Many women are competent drivers. 304 00:14:54,310 --> 00:14:56,020 Okay. Come on. 305 00:15:04,278 --> 00:15:06,114 This is what we know. 306 00:15:09,826 --> 00:15:11,994 Well, I stand corrected. This is pretty cool. 307 00:15:12,078 --> 00:15:13,704 Yes. 308 00:15:13,788 --> 00:15:17,417 Hey, where did you decide to take Karen tonight? 309 00:15:17,500 --> 00:15:18,584 Anna Maria's. 310 00:15:18,668 --> 00:15:19,710 Ryan: What's the occasion? 311 00:15:19,794 --> 00:15:21,087 Six-month anniversary. 312 00:15:23,256 --> 00:15:24,757 What? 313 00:15:24,841 --> 00:15:26,801 Nothing. I think, we all kind of thought 314 00:15:26,884 --> 00:15:28,803 you guys were just, like, hooking up. 315 00:15:28,886 --> 00:15:31,347 No. We've been dating for six months. 316 00:15:32,682 --> 00:15:37,895 She might mention an e-mail that I wrote a while back. 317 00:15:37,979 --> 00:15:39,856 Oh, right. I remember that one. 318 00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:41,607 She read it to me. 319 00:15:41,691 --> 00:15:43,067 She said she's not really ready 320 00:15:43,151 --> 00:15:44,652 to date somebody in the office, 321 00:15:44,735 --> 00:15:46,779 but she really likes you as a friend. 322 00:15:47,488 --> 00:15:49,240 I figured. That's cool. 323 00:15:49,323 --> 00:15:52,201 Iwouldn't want to be in an office relationship, anyway. 324 00:15:54,829 --> 00:15:58,458 All right. I hope nobody's on a diet. 325 00:15:58,541 --> 00:16:00,918 Thanks, Michael. Thank you, Michael. 326 00:16:01,002 --> 00:16:02,545 You're welcome. You're welcome. 327 00:16:03,379 --> 00:16:05,590 Okay. 328 00:16:05,673 --> 00:16:07,300 So. Let's dish. 329 00:16:07,425 --> 00:16:09,051 What do you want to dish about? 330 00:16:09,177 --> 00:16:12,180 Anything you guys want. This is your time. 331 00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:28,154 What is a pap smear? 332 00:16:28,237 --> 00:16:31,157 Or is it shmear like cream cheese? 333 00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:32,950 Okay. New topic. 334 00:16:33,034 --> 00:16:35,244 Kelly, how are things with Ryan? 335 00:16:35,328 --> 00:16:36,996 Awesome. 336 00:16:37,079 --> 00:16:40,333 Awful, I mean. But, sometimes awesome. 337 00:16:41,292 --> 00:16:44,587 What... what do you think of role-play? 338 00:16:44,712 --> 00:16:45,755 It can be fun. 339 00:16:45,838 --> 00:16:46,839 Yeah? 340 00:16:46,923 --> 00:16:49,759 Well, jan has this schoolgirl fantasy. 341 00:16:49,842 --> 00:16:51,511 That's a pretty common one. 342 00:16:51,594 --> 00:16:52,887 I just... 343 00:16:52,970 --> 00:16:55,097 I feel uncomfortable wearing the dress. 344 00:16:55,181 --> 00:16:57,808 Okay. I'm gonna be at the doll store. 345 00:16:59,143 --> 00:17:01,562 Sometimes the clothes at gapkids are just too flashy. 346 00:17:01,646 --> 00:17:03,898 So, I am forced to go to the American girl store 347 00:17:03,981 --> 00:17:06,943 and order clothes for large colonial dolls. 348 00:17:08,277 --> 00:17:09,612 Michael, you shouldn't do anything 349 00:17:09,695 --> 00:17:11,280 that you're uncomfortable with. 350 00:17:11,364 --> 00:17:14,617 Jan says anything that doesn't scare us is not worth doing. 351 00:17:15,910 --> 00:17:18,829 I don't know. Maybe we're different people. I like cuddling and spooning 352 00:17:18,913 --> 00:17:20,998 and she likes videotaping us during sex. 353 00:17:21,082 --> 00:17:23,209 Oh, my god. 354 00:17:23,292 --> 00:17:26,295 And then, watching it back right afterward to improve my form. 355 00:17:26,379 --> 00:17:28,422 That is not healthy behavior. 356 00:17:28,506 --> 00:17:30,508 No. It's not that bad. 357 00:17:30,591 --> 00:17:32,343 The worst part is that she shows it 358 00:17:32,426 --> 00:17:34,428 to her therapist and they discuss it. 359 00:17:34,512 --> 00:17:36,597 Michael, you need to get out of this. 360 00:17:36,681 --> 00:17:38,975 No. She's just fooling around. 361 00:17:39,392 --> 00:17:40,726 It's a woman thing. 362 00:17:40,810 --> 00:17:43,271 No. Normal women don't do stuff like that. 363 00:17:43,354 --> 00:17:44,647 This is bad. 364 00:17:55,908 --> 00:17:58,119 No, that's all right. I'm okay. I'm okay. 365 00:18:00,955 --> 00:18:04,500 You guys, what am I gonna do about jan? 366 00:18:10,172 --> 00:18:11,257 Done. 367 00:18:12,008 --> 00:18:13,551 Read the pros first. 368 00:18:13,634 --> 00:18:18,931 Okay. "Jan is smart, successful. 369 00:18:19,015 --> 00:18:21,225 "Good clothes. Hot. 370 00:18:21,475 --> 00:18:24,562 "Perfect skin. Nice butt." 371 00:18:24,645 --> 00:18:26,314 She does have very nice clothes. 372 00:18:26,397 --> 00:18:28,524 Okay, okay. Cons? 373 00:18:28,608 --> 00:18:30,026 Cons. 374 00:18:30,109 --> 00:18:32,069 "Wears too much makeup. 375 00:18:32,153 --> 00:18:34,947 "Breasts not anything to write home about. 376 00:18:35,031 --> 00:18:36,657 "Insecure about body. 377 00:18:36,741 --> 00:18:38,284 "I'm unhappy when I'm with her. 378 00:18:38,409 --> 00:18:40,119 "Flat-chested." what was the last one? 379 00:18:40,202 --> 00:18:42,246 She's totally flat. Shrunken chesticles. 380 00:18:42,330 --> 00:18:44,373 No. The one before that. 381 00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:46,208 "I'm unhappy when I'm with her." 382 00:18:47,543 --> 00:18:48,544 Michael. 383 00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:50,868 You shouldn't be with someone who doesn't make you happy. 384 00:18:50,921 --> 00:18:52,632 I'm happy sometimes. 385 00:18:55,676 --> 00:18:57,762 When we scrapbook. 386 00:18:57,845 --> 00:19:00,264 Or right towards the end of having sex. 387 00:19:00,348 --> 00:19:02,725 Look, most relationships have their rough patches. 388 00:19:02,808 --> 00:19:05,061 You just have to push through it sometimes. 389 00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:06,145 Yeah. That's smart. 390 00:19:06,228 --> 00:19:07,229 Maybe. 391 00:19:07,313 --> 00:19:09,815 But it sounds like you're just wrong for each other. 392 00:19:09,899 --> 00:19:11,484 That sounds good, too. 393 00:19:13,361 --> 00:19:16,614 I don't know who's right. I just don't. 394 00:19:16,697 --> 00:19:17,865 I don't know. I don't know. 395 00:19:17,948 --> 00:19:20,159 I bet you know. Don't think. Just answer. 396 00:19:20,242 --> 00:19:21,522 What do you want to do about jan? 397 00:19:21,577 --> 00:19:23,162 I want to break up with jan. 398 00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:25,081 Wow! 399 00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:28,292 I want to break up with jan. 400 00:19:29,877 --> 00:19:31,712 My mom taught me that. 401 00:19:32,838 --> 00:19:33,839 Wow! 402 00:19:33,923 --> 00:19:37,218 I cannot believe this yogurt has no calories. 403 00:19:37,301 --> 00:19:39,053 No one said it has no calories. 404 00:19:39,136 --> 00:19:40,846 Oh, hey, guys. 405 00:19:42,515 --> 00:19:44,016 I want to do something nice for you, 406 00:19:44,100 --> 00:19:47,645 because you did something so nice for me earlier. 407 00:19:47,728 --> 00:19:49,021 I want you to go in there. 408 00:19:49,105 --> 00:19:51,357 I want you to buy one item, on me. 409 00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:54,860 As a thank you. Come on. Get in here. 410 00:19:54,944 --> 00:19:57,863 Let's face it. Most guys are from the dark ages. They're cavemen. 411 00:19:57,947 --> 00:20:01,325 And they like a woman to be showing her cleavage 412 00:20:01,409 --> 00:20:03,828 and to be wearing eight-inch heels. 413 00:20:03,911 --> 00:20:09,417 And to be wearing see-through underpants. 414 00:20:09,500 --> 00:20:12,628 But for me, 415 00:20:12,712 --> 00:20:17,174 a woman looks best when she is just absolutely naked. 416 00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:24,515 This is so great, huh? 417 00:20:27,184 --> 00:20:29,019 We should do this much more often. 418 00:20:29,103 --> 00:20:31,856 I think we hang out an appropriate amount of time. 419 00:20:35,317 --> 00:20:37,486 What are you doing in here? This is the woman's room. 420 00:20:37,570 --> 00:20:38,612 You're in here. 421 00:20:38,696 --> 00:20:40,448 I pay for that privilege. 422 00:20:46,912 --> 00:20:48,164 Okay. 423 00:20:48,247 --> 00:20:49,623 I'm a pretty normal guy. 424 00:20:49,707 --> 00:20:51,500 I do one weird thing. 425 00:20:51,584 --> 00:20:54,128 I like to go in the women's room for number two. 426 00:20:54,211 --> 00:20:57,506 I've been caught several times, and I have paid dearly. 427 00:20:59,383 --> 00:21:00,926 (Exclaims) 428 00:21:01,469 --> 00:21:03,929 You don't want anything? My treat. 429 00:21:04,638 --> 00:21:07,349 Some panties, or... 430 00:21:07,641 --> 00:21:11,771 Like, a thong or g-string, t-back? 431 00:21:11,854 --> 00:21:15,316 Get a nice bra. Padded bra. 432 00:21:15,399 --> 00:21:18,319 See-th rough? Push-up? Lace? Thigh-high? 433 00:21:18,402 --> 00:21:20,154 Bustier? Anything. It's just... 434 00:21:20,237 --> 00:21:24,200 You know what? I would love to buy you a fresh set of underwear. 435 00:21:25,910 --> 00:21:29,163 Phyms? What do you think? Too much? 436 00:21:29,246 --> 00:21:31,040 Jim's gonna love it. 437 00:21:36,879 --> 00:21:39,173 I'm kind of in between boyfriends right now, 438 00:21:39,256 --> 00:21:41,759 so I don't need anything sexy. 439 00:21:42,510 --> 00:21:44,011 But I do need some new hand towels. 440 00:21:44,094 --> 00:21:46,013 I figure I can cut up this robe. 441 00:21:46,680 --> 00:21:48,098 Slower. 442 00:21:49,308 --> 00:21:51,018 Slower. 443 00:21:51,811 --> 00:21:54,855 (Cell phone ringing) Meredith. Slow it up. 444 00:21:56,148 --> 00:21:57,983 Oh, no. 445 00:21:59,610 --> 00:22:01,570 It's jan. What do I do? 446 00:22:01,654 --> 00:22:03,906 Answer it. Don't answer it. 447 00:22:07,535 --> 00:22:08,953 Okay. It stopped. 448 00:22:09,411 --> 00:22:11,205 (Tire bursts) Oh, crap. 449 00:22:25,845 --> 00:22:27,638 That is pretty cool. 450 00:22:32,852 --> 00:22:36,355 Michael? You know how to change a wheel, right? 451 00:22:37,356 --> 00:22:39,692 Yeah. Yep. 452 00:22:41,610 --> 00:22:43,362 Can somebody grab me the lever? 453 00:22:43,445 --> 00:22:44,989 And iwill... 454 00:22:45,072 --> 00:22:46,699 Here. Meredith? 455 00:22:46,782 --> 00:22:48,158 Why don't you put your hazards on? 456 00:22:48,242 --> 00:22:50,828 Yeah. Get your hazards on for safety. 457 00:22:52,288 --> 00:22:53,664 Let's see. 458 00:22:55,499 --> 00:23:00,212 There we go! Good. Yes. We have the... 459 00:23:01,839 --> 00:23:03,549 All right. 460 00:23:03,632 --> 00:23:05,259 I think I've got it. 461 00:23:09,179 --> 00:23:11,891 Do you have a Crescent? A Crescent-Allen? 462 00:23:11,974 --> 00:23:14,226 I don't think we really need that, Michael. 463 00:23:14,310 --> 00:23:16,812 You know what? I'm going to... 464 00:23:16,896 --> 00:23:21,525 You take care of that. I'm gonna do traffic detail. 465 00:23:21,609 --> 00:23:24,361 You know? I changed a tire today. 466 00:23:24,445 --> 00:23:26,614 All by myself. 467 00:23:26,697 --> 00:23:28,282 This bathrobe's already coming in handy. 468 00:23:28,365 --> 00:23:30,200 (Horn honking) Coming! 469 00:23:35,664 --> 00:23:36,665 Think we'll find him? 470 00:23:36,749 --> 00:23:40,002 Yeah, I do. Because justice never rests. 471 00:23:40,544 --> 00:23:41,545 Halvsies? 472 00:23:41,629 --> 00:23:43,589 No. Wholesies. 473 00:23:46,008 --> 00:23:47,426 Listen, man. I really appreciate 474 00:23:47,509 --> 00:23:49,487 you letting me shadow you today. I feel like I learned a lot. 475 00:23:49,511 --> 00:23:50,596 Natch. 476 00:23:51,597 --> 00:23:55,517 Yep. If you don't mind, I think I'll hang up some of these posters 477 00:23:55,601 --> 00:24:00,773 around my neighborhood, schools, post office, et cetera. 478 00:24:00,856 --> 00:24:02,149 You know? 479 00:24:02,232 --> 00:24:04,109 I may have underestimated you. 480 00:24:04,193 --> 00:24:06,278 You're not a total ass. 481 00:24:14,620 --> 00:24:18,040 Okay. I am really going to do this. 482 00:24:18,123 --> 00:24:19,541 Pam: Good luck, Michael. 483 00:24:19,625 --> 00:24:21,102 You know what? I need my girls with me. 484 00:24:21,126 --> 00:24:22,670 Pam, Karen, even Phyllis. Come on. 485 00:24:22,753 --> 00:24:24,296 Let's do this. 486 00:24:25,089 --> 00:24:26,590 Let's do it. 487 00:24:29,426 --> 00:24:31,512 Okay. Remember. Be strong. 488 00:24:38,185 --> 00:24:39,812 I love you guys. 489 00:24:41,146 --> 00:24:42,332 No, I'm getting her voicemail. 490 00:24:42,356 --> 00:24:43,774 Don't leave a... 491 00:24:43,857 --> 00:24:45,234 Hey, jan. It's me. Michael. 492 00:24:45,317 --> 00:24:48,779 I'm just calling to say that I think we need a little break. 493 00:24:49,029 --> 00:24:50,030 Permanently. 494 00:24:50,280 --> 00:24:57,204 And, I know everybody says this, but I want to remain friends. 495 00:24:57,287 --> 00:25:02,042 Or, at least, business associates who get along. 496 00:25:02,209 --> 00:25:05,504 Oh. Just so you know, it's not me. It's you. 497 00:25:08,757 --> 00:25:11,051 Okay, buddy. Somebodyjust walked in. 498 00:25:11,135 --> 00:25:14,013 I have to go. So, I'll talk to you later. 499 00:25:16,807 --> 00:25:19,268 Michael. I was... 500 00:25:20,477 --> 00:25:25,024 I was really unhappy with our conversation earlier. And I... 501 00:25:25,107 --> 00:25:27,693 I just... I couldn't stop thinking about it, 502 00:25:27,776 --> 00:25:29,945 so I decided that I would drive down here 503 00:25:30,029 --> 00:25:32,448 and apologize to you in person. 504 00:25:41,373 --> 00:25:42,708 I'm sorry. 505 00:25:44,793 --> 00:25:46,170 Thank you. 506 00:25:47,713 --> 00:25:50,090 So, we're good? 507 00:25:50,966 --> 00:25:52,593 Abso-fruitly. 508 00:25:52,676 --> 00:25:54,595 (Cell phone vibrating) Oh. Hold on. Sorry. 509 00:25:55,804 --> 00:25:57,347 Wait a second. 510 00:25:59,475 --> 00:26:01,685 Oh. It's from you. 511 00:26:04,646 --> 00:26:05,981 Want to grab some dinner? 512 00:26:06,065 --> 00:26:07,250 Michael: Hey, jan. It's me. Michael. 513 00:26:07,274 --> 00:26:08,358 Okay. Yeah. 514 00:26:08,442 --> 00:26:10,986 I'm just calling to say that I think we need a little break. 515 00:26:11,070 --> 00:26:12,237 Permanently. 516 00:26:12,321 --> 00:26:15,532 And, I know everybody says this, 517 00:26:15,616 --> 00:26:17,159 but I want to remain friends. 518 00:26:17,242 --> 00:26:18,619 Maybe some Italian. 519 00:26:19,411 --> 00:26:21,914 Or, at least, business associates... 520 00:26:21,997 --> 00:26:23,207 Chinese? 521 00:26:23,290 --> 00:26:24,291 Get along. 522 00:26:24,374 --> 00:26:26,585 Oh. Just so you know, it's not me. It's you. 523 00:26:26,668 --> 00:26:29,046 Okay, buddy... 524 00:26:35,469 --> 00:26:36,929 (Michael exclaims) 525 00:26:37,012 --> 00:26:41,183 Any man who says he totally understands women is a fool. 526 00:26:42,101 --> 00:26:44,061 Because they are UN-understandable. 527 00:26:44,895 --> 00:26:47,815 There's a wishing fountain at the mall, 528 00:26:47,898 --> 00:26:51,026 and I threw a coin in for every woman in the world 529 00:26:51,110 --> 00:26:52,694 and made a wish. 530 00:26:52,778 --> 00:26:54,947 I wished for jan to get over me. 531 00:26:55,614 --> 00:26:58,450 I wished for Phyllis a plasma TV. 532 00:26:58,534 --> 00:27:01,954 I wished for Pam to gain courage. 533 00:27:02,579 --> 00:27:07,167 I wished for Angela a heart and for Kelly a brain. 534 00:27:07,835 --> 00:27:10,254 Michael. How can you appreciate women so much 535 00:27:10,337 --> 00:27:12,089 but also dump one of them? 536 00:27:13,257 --> 00:27:17,177 You mean, how can I be so illogical 537 00:27:17,261 --> 00:27:21,306 and flighty and unpredictable and emotional? 538 00:27:23,684 --> 00:27:27,146 Well, maybe I learned something from women after all. 539 00:27:28,981 --> 00:27:30,232 (Phone ringing) 540 00:27:31,316 --> 00:27:33,527 Dunder Mifflin paper/ sex predator hotline. 541 00:27:33,610 --> 00:27:36,155 This is Dwight schrute. Hey, Dwight. It's Jim. 542 00:27:36,238 --> 00:27:38,365 Jim, what are you doing? I'm busy. 543 00:27:38,448 --> 00:27:40,784 No. You're not. I'm looking right at you. 544 00:27:41,577 --> 00:27:42,995 I'm hanging up. Don't. 545 00:27:44,454 --> 00:27:46,456 I have information about the sex predator. 546 00:27:47,875 --> 00:27:50,669 You have information about the sex predator? 547 00:27:50,794 --> 00:27:52,421 I saw him two minutes ago. 548 00:27:52,546 --> 00:27:54,173 Where? 549 00:27:54,256 --> 00:27:56,800 In the women's bathroom, above the sink. 550 00:28:03,557 --> 00:28:05,642 Anti-flashing task force! 551 00:28:06,185 --> 00:28:07,811 Above the sink. 552 00:28:08,187 --> 00:28:10,856 Above the sink. 553 00:28:19,489 --> 00:28:20,824 Pam!