1 00:00:05,756 --> 00:00:08,467 Michael: David... oh, Michael... 2 00:00:08,550 --> 00:00:10,219 Are we all set? 3 00:00:11,303 --> 00:00:14,389 Isn't our interview tomorrow? 4 00:00:16,183 --> 00:00:18,602 Yes. I just happened to be in the neighborhood. 5 00:00:18,685 --> 00:00:20,270 Thought I'd drop in and say hello. 6 00:00:20,354 --> 00:00:23,148 Just happened to be in midtown Manhattan? 7 00:00:23,565 --> 00:00:24,733 Thought I'd catch a show. 8 00:00:25,651 --> 00:00:27,736 In the middle of a workday? No. 9 00:00:29,071 --> 00:00:31,365 You know what, since I'm here, 10 00:00:31,448 --> 00:00:34,493 let me ask you a few questions about the job. 11 00:00:34,910 --> 00:00:37,955 Okay. How many people are you interviewing? 12 00:00:38,080 --> 00:00:39,790 We're only interviewing branch managers 13 00:00:39,873 --> 00:00:41,542 and some lower-level company people. 14 00:00:41,625 --> 00:00:43,335 Ah, well, good. 15 00:00:43,835 --> 00:00:45,595 Out of curiosity, are you interviewing anyone 16 00:00:46,004 --> 00:00:47,315 who has been here longer than I have 17 00:00:47,339 --> 00:00:49,216 or manages more people? 18 00:00:49,341 --> 00:00:52,678 I don't think so. Great. One more question. 19 00:00:52,761 --> 00:00:55,889 When you merged those branches, who did you put in charge? 20 00:00:55,973 --> 00:00:58,642 Ibeheve we put you in charge. 21 00:00:58,725 --> 00:01:00,561 Ah, great. No further questions. 22 00:01:00,644 --> 00:01:01,853 Okay, Michael. Okay. 23 00:01:01,979 --> 00:01:03,699 I'm really looking forward to our interview. 24 00:01:03,772 --> 00:01:05,983 And I'm really looking forward to working with you. 25 00:01:10,654 --> 00:01:14,741 I have got it made in the shade. I know this company. 26 00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:17,327 The other branch managers are total morons. 27 00:01:17,411 --> 00:01:19,538 Hey, Pam, yeah, I forgot what day the interview was. 28 00:01:19,621 --> 00:01:21,039 I drove to New York accidentally. 29 00:01:21,123 --> 00:01:22,708 Be, like, three hours late. 30 00:01:44,813 --> 00:01:49,610 Pam: See, I have 600... Yeah, I don't have... hey. 31 00:01:49,985 --> 00:01:50,986 Hey, kev. 32 00:01:51,320 --> 00:01:53,655 What's different about you? 33 00:01:53,739 --> 00:01:55,824 You look worse. Thank you. 34 00:01:55,907 --> 00:01:58,619 You got a haircut. It's sexy hot. 35 00:01:58,702 --> 00:02:00,704 Turn around. Oh. 36 00:02:00,787 --> 00:02:02,122 Come on. No. 37 00:02:02,205 --> 00:02:03,790 No, thanks. Do it! 38 00:02:04,583 --> 00:02:08,128 Look at that do! What's up, big haircut? 39 00:02:08,211 --> 00:02:09,755 You are no longer big tuna. 40 00:02:09,838 --> 00:02:11,198 From henceforth, you shall be known 41 00:02:11,256 --> 00:02:12,257 as big haircut. 42 00:02:12,716 --> 00:02:14,301 Jim: Andy. What is it, big haircut? 43 00:02:14,384 --> 00:02:16,011 No. Sorry, I can't hear you, big haircut. 44 00:02:16,094 --> 00:02:17,137 Jim: Yep. What? 45 00:02:17,220 --> 00:02:21,725 Karen suggested that I get a haircut for the interview tomorrow, 46 00:02:22,643 --> 00:02:25,312 so that I could look presentable and not, 47 00:02:25,395 --> 00:02:28,649 as she so lovingly puts it, homeless. 48 00:02:29,733 --> 00:02:33,487 Hey. I think it looks great. Thanks, Pam. 49 00:02:37,449 --> 00:02:40,035 After I had my little outburst at the beach, 50 00:02:40,118 --> 00:02:42,204 Jim was really nice about it. 51 00:02:42,287 --> 00:02:43,497 He just basically said 52 00:02:43,580 --> 00:02:45,624 that he missed my friendship, too, 53 00:02:45,707 --> 00:02:47,542 and I would always mean a lot to him. 54 00:02:47,626 --> 00:02:49,503 And I understand where he's coming from. 55 00:02:49,586 --> 00:02:52,255 For the record, I am not embarrassed at all. 56 00:02:52,714 --> 00:02:55,217 It needed to be said and I said it 57 00:02:55,300 --> 00:02:57,386 and it only took me three years 58 00:02:57,469 --> 00:02:58,512 to summon the courage. 59 00:02:58,595 --> 00:03:00,764 So, thank you. 60 00:03:01,515 --> 00:03:03,433 (Knock on door) Yeah? 61 00:03:03,517 --> 00:03:05,686 You wanted to see me? Yes. 62 00:03:06,103 --> 00:03:07,938 The time has come to name my own replacement. 63 00:03:09,981 --> 00:03:12,192 Please hand this letter of congratulations 64 00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:14,528 to Dwight k. Schrute. 65 00:03:16,613 --> 00:03:18,323 But that's my name. 66 00:03:24,246 --> 00:03:27,249 "Dwight, congratulations, a-wipe." 67 00:03:27,582 --> 00:03:29,584 "Don't screw the pooch." 68 00:03:36,174 --> 00:03:38,385 Okay. Thank you. 69 00:03:42,305 --> 00:03:43,849 All right. Thank you, Michael. 70 00:03:43,932 --> 00:03:44,933 Okay. 71 00:03:45,016 --> 00:03:46,351 (Dwight crying) 72 00:03:49,730 --> 00:03:52,816 Thank you so much. Hey, stop crying. 73 00:03:52,899 --> 00:03:54,568 Thank you. 74 00:03:54,776 --> 00:03:56,403 (Continues crying) 75 00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:05,620 Hey. Hey. 76 00:04:07,664 --> 00:04:09,833 About the beach... it's okay. 77 00:04:09,916 --> 00:04:11,585 We all say things without thinking. 78 00:04:11,668 --> 00:04:13,211 Oh, no. It's not that. 79 00:04:13,295 --> 00:04:15,630 I've actually been thinking that for a long time 80 00:04:15,714 --> 00:04:17,132 and I'm glad I said it. 81 00:04:17,215 --> 00:04:19,885 I just am sorry if it made you feel weird. 82 00:04:21,219 --> 00:04:24,681 Oh. Okay. 83 00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:27,976 Pam is kind of a bitch. 84 00:04:29,561 --> 00:04:32,230 Hey, what if we leave tonight? 85 00:04:32,314 --> 00:04:36,443 Grab a bite, get a hotel room, enjoy the city a little bit? 86 00:04:38,987 --> 00:04:41,490 I just have so much paperwork to do. 87 00:04:45,368 --> 00:04:48,413 Wow. Done. Okay, let's do it. 88 00:04:48,497 --> 00:04:51,291 So I was wondering if Karen and I could get off a few hours early 89 00:04:51,374 --> 00:04:53,144 because we wanted to spend the night in the city. 90 00:04:53,168 --> 00:04:55,879 Why, so you can do it? Whoops. 91 00:04:55,962 --> 00:04:59,049 No, well, I was thinking that, actually, 92 00:04:59,382 --> 00:05:02,677 we can all leave tomorrow and do a convoy, you know? 93 00:05:02,761 --> 00:05:05,597 Convoys are really fun. 94 00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:08,850 Pull up next to each other, give each other the finger. 95 00:05:09,684 --> 00:05:10,894 Moon each other. 96 00:05:11,353 --> 00:05:12,393 We're going to go tonight, 97 00:05:12,437 --> 00:05:14,165 but we're going to see you there tomorrow morning, right? 98 00:05:14,189 --> 00:05:15,583 Jim: All right. All right. Your loss. 99 00:05:15,607 --> 00:05:18,527 Wait, how would you moon us if you were driving? 100 00:05:18,610 --> 00:05:20,362 Cruise control. 101 00:05:21,196 --> 00:05:25,158 So, Jim, who do you think is hotter, Pam or Karen? 102 00:05:26,076 --> 00:05:28,870 Yeah, I'm not going to talk about this now. Pam is taller. 103 00:05:28,954 --> 00:05:32,249 You sure? Yes. 104 00:05:32,582 --> 00:05:34,793 She has bigger breasts, too. Wow. 105 00:05:34,876 --> 00:05:37,128 But I think Karen has a prettier face. 106 00:05:40,882 --> 00:05:42,425 What else? 107 00:05:42,509 --> 00:05:46,513 Well, I mean, Pam's face is really pretty, too. 108 00:05:46,596 --> 00:05:47,806 It's a very tough call. 109 00:05:49,474 --> 00:05:51,893 Really tough call. Yeah. 110 00:05:51,977 --> 00:05:54,057 You know what, why don't you take the rest of the day 111 00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:55,522 and figure it out 112 00:05:55,605 --> 00:05:57,566 and then come back and tell me what you've got. 113 00:05:59,317 --> 00:06:01,361 Will do. All right. 114 00:06:02,654 --> 00:06:03,655 Yes. 115 00:06:05,532 --> 00:06:06,741 Hey, Pam, 116 00:06:06,825 --> 00:06:10,328 I've been meaning to say something to you. I really miss our friendship. 117 00:06:10,453 --> 00:06:11,454 (All laughing) 118 00:06:11,621 --> 00:06:15,500 That's very funny. I've never heard you talk that much. 119 00:06:15,625 --> 00:06:17,085 I thought it was Kelly. 120 00:06:17,168 --> 00:06:18,968 Are you kidding? I would never have done that. 121 00:06:19,045 --> 00:06:21,172 It was patheticville. O offense, Pam. 122 00:06:21,256 --> 00:06:23,383 You know what, don't even worry about it. 123 00:06:23,466 --> 00:06:26,428 Everyone was so drunk, I bet no one even remembers what you said. 124 00:06:26,511 --> 00:06:28,638 I remember. I blogged the whole thing. 125 00:06:28,722 --> 00:06:34,686 www.creedthoughts.gov. Www/creedthoughts. 126 00:06:35,186 --> 00:06:36,479 Check it out. 127 00:06:36,563 --> 00:06:39,691 Last year, creed asked me how to set up a blog. 128 00:06:40,609 --> 00:06:45,405 Wanting to protect the world from being exposed to creed's brain, 129 00:06:45,655 --> 00:06:48,325 I opened up a word document on his computer 130 00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:50,368 and put an address at the top. 131 00:06:50,869 --> 00:06:51,870 I've read some of it. 132 00:06:52,787 --> 00:06:56,583 Even for the Internet, it's pretty shocking. 133 00:06:57,792 --> 00:07:00,045 There they are, the accounting department. 134 00:07:00,128 --> 00:07:03,548 I shall miss your humility and your promptly printed checks. 135 00:07:03,632 --> 00:07:05,133 Do you think it's going to be weird 136 00:07:05,216 --> 00:07:07,218 working with jan in New York? 137 00:07:07,302 --> 00:07:10,388 No. Not at all. I haven't talked to jan since we broke up. 138 00:07:11,181 --> 00:07:14,309 And I think if she had something to say, she would have called me. 139 00:07:14,392 --> 00:07:16,603 Maybeyoushoum talk to her before... no, no, no, no. 140 00:07:16,686 --> 00:07:18,897 You know what, it's a done deal. 141 00:07:18,980 --> 00:07:20,774 I basically have the job already. 142 00:07:20,982 --> 00:07:23,985 There's nothing she can do to stop it now. I already sold my condo. 143 00:07:24,402 --> 00:07:25,403 Michael. Kevin: What? 144 00:07:25,487 --> 00:07:27,656 Angela: Why? I'm sorry that just doesn't make sense. 145 00:07:27,739 --> 00:07:30,325 Yes. Why... who gave you that advice? 146 00:07:30,408 --> 00:07:31,594 Yeah, Michael, you should never... 147 00:07:31,618 --> 00:07:33,745 Sell your condo. I have to buy another place. 148 00:07:33,828 --> 00:07:34,931 But you said you were in debt. 149 00:07:34,955 --> 00:07:36,557 I'm not. You're not sure that you have the job. 150 00:07:36,581 --> 00:07:41,252 I sold it on eBay. The buyer was very motivated as was I. 151 00:07:41,336 --> 00:07:43,964 It went for 80% of what I paid. 152 00:07:44,214 --> 00:07:45,882 Sold in record time. 153 00:07:46,716 --> 00:07:48,027 How would you like to spend the night 154 00:07:48,051 --> 00:07:51,221 with the regional manager of dunder Mifflin, Scranton? 155 00:07:51,388 --> 00:07:52,555 No, Dwight, 156 00:07:52,722 --> 00:07:53,723 I don't care if that's 157 00:07:53,807 --> 00:07:54,867 how they consolidated power 158 00:07:54,891 --> 00:07:55,892 in ancient Rome, I'm... 159 00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:57,477 No, no. Not Michael. 160 00:07:57,560 --> 00:08:00,897 Me. I'm taking hisjob. 161 00:08:02,524 --> 00:08:03,525 Not now. 162 00:08:10,407 --> 00:08:12,200 Goodbye, Kelly kapour. 163 00:08:16,371 --> 00:08:18,748 Jim, Jim, Jim. 164 00:08:19,874 --> 00:08:23,628 Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim. 165 00:08:24,671 --> 00:08:26,631 Oh, hey, Dwight. 166 00:08:26,715 --> 00:08:30,176 I am going to be your new boss. 167 00:08:30,260 --> 00:08:32,679 It is my greatest dream come true. 168 00:08:32,762 --> 00:08:34,347 Welcome to the hotel hell. 169 00:08:34,431 --> 00:08:37,600 Check-in time is now. Checkout time is never. 170 00:08:38,101 --> 00:08:40,186 Does my room have cable? 171 00:08:40,270 --> 00:08:43,773 And the sheets are made of fire. Can I change rooms? 172 00:08:43,857 --> 00:08:47,569 Sorry, we're all booked up. Hell convention in town. 173 00:08:47,736 --> 00:08:50,947 Can I have a late checkout? I'll have to talk to the manager. 174 00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:54,200 You're not the manager? Even in your own fantasy? 175 00:08:55,035 --> 00:08:56,870 I'm the owner. 176 00:08:57,078 --> 00:09:01,041 The co-owner. With Satan. Okay. 177 00:09:01,124 --> 00:09:04,586 Just so I understand it, in your wildest fantasy, 178 00:09:04,669 --> 00:09:05,920 you are in hell 179 00:09:06,588 --> 00:09:09,674 and you are co-running a bed and breakfast 180 00:09:09,758 --> 00:09:10,759 with the devil. 181 00:09:11,301 --> 00:09:14,387 Yeah, but I haven't told you my salary yet. Go. 182 00:09:14,471 --> 00:09:17,849 $80,000 a year. 183 00:09:17,932 --> 00:09:19,517 Once I am officially regional manager, 184 00:09:19,601 --> 00:09:23,188 my first order of business will be to demote Jim Halpert. 185 00:09:23,271 --> 00:09:25,440 So I will need a new number two. 186 00:09:25,690 --> 00:09:27,442 My ideal choice? 187 00:09:28,401 --> 00:09:29,527 Jack Bauer. 188 00:09:30,236 --> 00:09:35,200 But he is unavailable, fictional, and overqualified. 189 00:09:35,742 --> 00:09:39,329 I will see you 190 00:09:39,662 --> 00:09:42,457 at the interview. 191 00:09:42,540 --> 00:09:45,794 Yes, you will. 192 00:09:45,877 --> 00:09:47,796 Who is d. Abramson? 193 00:09:47,879 --> 00:09:50,423 He's from that company in Pittsburgh. Michael. 194 00:09:50,507 --> 00:09:54,094 Why are you here? 195 00:09:57,722 --> 00:10:00,517 How are you? I'm good. How are you, Janet? 196 00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:02,120 I'm... I'm great. It's good to see you. 197 00:10:07,899 --> 00:10:12,195 Can we... can we talk privately for a minute? 198 00:10:12,362 --> 00:10:14,280 Why privately? 199 00:10:14,364 --> 00:10:17,450 I just... I don't... 200 00:10:18,701 --> 00:10:21,371 I don't like the way that we left things. 201 00:10:21,663 --> 00:10:24,249 Okay, sure. Fine. Why don't you wait in my office? 202 00:10:24,332 --> 00:10:27,836 I have some important business matters to take care of. 203 00:10:29,671 --> 00:10:31,047 Okay. Okay. 204 00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:38,513 Pam, defcon 10. Houston, we have a problem. 205 00:10:38,596 --> 00:10:39,636 What do you want me to do? 206 00:10:39,681 --> 00:10:43,101 I may need some immediate assistance. 207 00:10:43,184 --> 00:10:47,564 If you would slowly and quietly gather the ladies in the conference room, 208 00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:49,023 Phyllis, Angela, Karen. 209 00:10:49,107 --> 00:10:51,484 What about Meredith? 210 00:10:51,609 --> 00:10:52,902 She's an alternate. 211 00:10:54,237 --> 00:10:55,947 So, how you been? I'm good. 212 00:10:56,030 --> 00:10:57,031 Good. Good.Good. 213 00:10:57,115 --> 00:10:58,908 Yeah. 214 00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:01,452 Sorry to drop by unexpectedly. I... 215 00:11:01,536 --> 00:11:04,956 I tried calling, but I kept getting voicemail. Weird. 216 00:11:05,039 --> 00:11:07,208 Yeah. I didn't get both of your messages. 217 00:11:11,713 --> 00:11:14,048 So, Michael needs us in the conference room. 218 00:11:14,132 --> 00:11:15,967 Oh, is it jan again? 219 00:11:16,050 --> 00:11:17,927 Hey, before I leave tonight, 220 00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:21,222 would you mind making half a dozen copies of Jim's and my sales reports 221 00:11:21,306 --> 00:11:22,426 for our interviews tomorrow? 222 00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:24,267 Sure. Thanks. 223 00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:28,104 I really hope you get the job. Thanks. 224 00:11:31,232 --> 00:11:36,487 After you ended everything with us, I went on a vacation 225 00:11:37,447 --> 00:11:39,741 to kind of clear my mind. Sounds good. Sounds fun. 226 00:11:39,866 --> 00:11:41,868 It was. Yeah, it was good. 227 00:11:42,869 --> 00:11:44,537 I think I shouldjust... 228 00:11:44,954 --> 00:11:46,831 Okay. Get right to the point, you know. 229 00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:50,710 I... I feel good about myself 230 00:11:50,793 --> 00:11:53,004 for the first time in a really long time, 231 00:11:53,087 --> 00:11:57,175 and I've made some big changes in my life, 232 00:11:57,300 --> 00:12:00,637 and I miss you. 233 00:12:04,224 --> 00:12:05,892 I want us to get back together. 234 00:12:10,146 --> 00:12:13,524 Would you excuse me for a second? Oh. 235 00:12:14,776 --> 00:12:15,777 Defcon 20. 236 00:12:18,071 --> 00:12:20,406 She wants to get back together. What are you going to do? 237 00:12:20,490 --> 00:12:23,034 I don't know. Hat's why you're here. Help me. Please. 238 00:12:23,117 --> 00:12:24,345 Karen: Would you want to get back together with her? 239 00:12:24,369 --> 00:12:25,995 No. No. 240 00:12:26,496 --> 00:12:29,123 What do I do? Just don't get back together with her. 241 00:12:29,207 --> 00:12:30,250 What if she makes me? 242 00:12:30,333 --> 00:12:31,977 Angela: How can she make you get back together with her? 243 00:12:32,001 --> 00:12:35,046 She made me do a lot of things I didn't want to do. 244 00:12:35,129 --> 00:12:37,048 This was a terrible relationship. 245 00:12:37,131 --> 00:12:38,692 You were not happy when you were with her. 246 00:12:38,716 --> 00:12:41,511 I wasn't. You're so much happier now. 247 00:12:41,844 --> 00:12:44,472 Just go in there and be strong. You're right. 248 00:12:45,515 --> 00:12:46,557 You are absolutely right. 249 00:12:46,641 --> 00:12:49,102 I need to go in there and tell her that we can't be together. 250 00:12:49,185 --> 00:12:50,186 Pam: Right. 251 00:12:50,853 --> 00:12:52,146 Wow. Do it. 252 00:12:52,230 --> 00:12:54,232 I'm in a very good place right now. Okay. 253 00:12:54,315 --> 00:12:55,316 Thank you. Pam: Go. 254 00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:01,948 (Clearing throat) Okay. Jan, 255 00:13:04,033 --> 00:13:05,118 we need to talk. 256 00:13:11,874 --> 00:13:13,876 Michael: Jan is in a different place right now. 257 00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:18,214 And it is a sign of maturity to give people second chances. 258 00:13:18,923 --> 00:13:21,217 So I'm going to hear her out. 259 00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:27,807 Oh, my god. 260 00:13:33,229 --> 00:13:37,275 Yeah. Bigger actually. That's crazy. 261 00:13:40,903 --> 00:13:44,657 Oh, my god. Can you believe that? Unbelievable. 262 00:13:44,741 --> 00:13:46,993 Wow! She could put the cup right there. 263 00:13:47,076 --> 00:13:48,077 Karen: I know. 264 00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:49,662 No, it's fine. 265 00:13:49,746 --> 00:13:51,664 I'm sure it must have been weird for Jim 266 00:13:51,748 --> 00:13:53,750 when Roy and I were joking around 267 00:13:54,542 --> 00:13:55,918 that one time. 268 00:13:58,546 --> 00:13:59,826 Meredith: I would never do that. 269 00:13:59,881 --> 00:14:01,424 Waste of money. 270 00:14:02,008 --> 00:14:03,426 In my experience, 271 00:14:03,509 --> 00:14:06,679 guys are way more attracted to the back of you than to the front. 272 00:14:07,263 --> 00:14:08,681 I love fake boobs. 273 00:14:09,307 --> 00:14:11,768 Oftentimes you find them on strippers. 274 00:14:11,976 --> 00:14:15,063 I find it offensive. Au naturel, baby. 275 00:14:15,146 --> 00:14:18,358 That's how I like them. Swing low, sweet chariots. 276 00:14:19,108 --> 00:14:22,445 So, there are a lot of things I would like to do differently. 277 00:14:22,528 --> 00:14:25,156 Yeah. Ifeelhke when we first got together, 278 00:14:25,239 --> 00:14:27,116 that I had a problem with my priorities. 279 00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:28,201 First stop, priorities. 280 00:14:28,284 --> 00:14:32,663 And if we could talk about a way to approach a possible reconciliation. 281 00:14:32,747 --> 00:14:33,748 Let's get back together. 282 00:14:37,043 --> 00:14:39,253 No. No, no, no. I'll tell you this, 283 00:14:39,337 --> 00:14:41,214 it is not because of the boob job. 284 00:14:41,339 --> 00:14:43,424 Excuse me, boob enhancement. 285 00:14:43,508 --> 00:14:46,761 That would be shallow. And this is the opposite of shallow. 286 00:14:46,844 --> 00:14:49,180 This is emotionally magnificent. 287 00:14:50,264 --> 00:14:51,516 Okay, everyone, listen up! 288 00:14:52,058 --> 00:14:53,851 Time to begin the interview process. 289 00:14:56,687 --> 00:14:57,688 Andrew Bernard. 290 00:14:58,731 --> 00:15:00,400 Save the best for first. 291 00:15:00,483 --> 00:15:02,860 All right, you guys, see you later. Wish us luck. 292 00:15:02,944 --> 00:15:05,029 No. Hey, hey, do not wish them luck. 293 00:15:05,113 --> 00:15:08,116 Do not wish them luck. All luck must be wished unto Michael. 294 00:15:08,199 --> 00:15:09,200 Good luck, you guys. 295 00:15:09,283 --> 00:15:10,993 Good luck. What did I say? 296 00:15:11,285 --> 00:15:12,912 Good luck. Thanks. 297 00:15:17,542 --> 00:15:20,128 Pa m: I'm happy for him. I hope he gets the job. 298 00:15:20,461 --> 00:15:22,547 I really just want him to be happy. 299 00:15:22,630 --> 00:15:24,048 And I know that sounds cliche, 300 00:15:24,340 --> 00:15:27,301 and I know saying it sounds cliche sounds cliche. 301 00:15:29,053 --> 00:15:32,974 Maybe I'm being cliche. I don't care because I am what I am. 302 00:15:35,643 --> 00:15:36,727 That's popeye. 303 00:15:37,478 --> 00:15:38,980 I am going to begin this process 304 00:15:39,063 --> 00:15:42,608 with a simple test of intelligence and mental dexterity. 305 00:15:43,734 --> 00:15:46,237 What is the best color? White. 306 00:15:46,612 --> 00:15:48,781 Because it contains all other colors. 307 00:15:48,865 --> 00:15:50,908 Wrong. Black. It is the most dominant. 308 00:15:51,075 --> 00:15:52,493 How do you make a table? 309 00:15:52,577 --> 00:15:55,663 You make a chair, but you don't sit on it. 310 00:15:55,746 --> 00:15:56,914 What is the capital of Maine? 311 00:15:56,998 --> 00:15:59,625 The capital of Maine is Montpelier, Vermont, 312 00:15:59,709 --> 00:16:03,546 which is near ithaca, New York where I went to Cornell. 313 00:16:03,629 --> 00:16:06,257 Okay, also, moratorium on Cornell talk. 314 00:16:06,340 --> 00:16:07,467 Don't want to hear about it. 315 00:16:07,550 --> 00:16:10,154 Forget your personal history and learn the history of this company. 316 00:16:10,178 --> 00:16:11,179 Should not be a problem. 317 00:16:11,262 --> 00:16:12,263 I minored in history 318 00:16:12,346 --> 00:16:13,986 in the Ivy league school which I attended. 319 00:16:14,432 --> 00:16:17,852 Youtenotofito a very good start, Bernard. I agree. 320 00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:19,979 But in another way, 321 00:16:21,022 --> 00:16:23,483 I am off to a very good start, wouldn't you say? 322 00:16:24,358 --> 00:16:27,820 I am a great interviewee. Why? 323 00:16:27,904 --> 00:16:32,116 Because I have something no one else has, my brain, 324 00:16:32,241 --> 00:16:36,120 which I use to my advantage when advantageous. 325 00:16:40,374 --> 00:16:42,543 Thne! No, youfahed. Damnh! 326 00:16:42,627 --> 00:16:44,504 This interview is over. I'll let you know. 327 00:16:47,673 --> 00:16:50,343 Hey, thank you so much for driving me down for my interview. 328 00:16:50,426 --> 00:16:52,011 Totally. No problem. 329 00:16:52,512 --> 00:16:54,152 What are you interviewing for, by the way? 330 00:16:54,180 --> 00:16:55,681 My assistant? Or... 331 00:16:55,932 --> 00:16:58,976 Oh, you know, I'm going to have a congratulations Karen party 332 00:16:59,435 --> 00:17:03,105 tomorrow night at a friend's house. Oh, wow. That sounds fun. 333 00:17:03,397 --> 00:17:06,567 Is your friend named Karen, too? What did she accomplish? 334 00:17:06,651 --> 00:17:09,904 No. I'm sorry, I should have been clearer. It's for me. 335 00:17:09,987 --> 00:17:11,656 Because I'm going to get the job. Oh. 336 00:17:14,116 --> 00:17:17,620 How remarkable. Thanks. 337 00:17:20,164 --> 00:17:21,165 Wait, wait a second. 338 00:17:21,249 --> 00:17:22,569 Let me check one more thing. Okay. 339 00:17:25,336 --> 00:17:26,712 Very good. 340 00:17:31,551 --> 00:17:34,887 All right, well, I have to get back. 341 00:17:34,971 --> 00:17:36,782 But I will see you in New York tomorrow, right? 342 00:17:36,806 --> 00:17:37,807 Yes, indeed. 343 00:17:37,974 --> 00:17:40,977 Good luck with your interview. Thank you. 344 00:17:49,318 --> 00:17:53,322 So I guess we're getting back together. What happened? 345 00:17:54,031 --> 00:17:56,867 Your advice was good, but jan's was bigger. 346 00:17:57,785 --> 00:17:59,161 Michael: Here's the sitch. 347 00:17:59,370 --> 00:18:03,583 Two weeks ago, I was in the worst relationship of my life. 348 00:18:03,833 --> 00:18:07,878 She treated me poorly, we didn't connect, I was miserable. 349 00:18:08,546 --> 00:18:14,385 Now, I'm in the best relationship of my life with the same woman. 350 00:18:15,886 --> 00:18:17,555 Love is a mystery. 351 00:18:18,848 --> 00:18:21,392 Karen: So, we have all night. Where do you want to go first? 352 00:18:21,475 --> 00:18:23,811 Jim: I don't know. How about the UN? 353 00:18:24,562 --> 00:18:26,397 How often do you come here? 354 00:18:26,606 --> 00:18:28,983 Every time my sixth grade class was on a field trip. 355 00:18:29,317 --> 00:18:32,111 I think you're really going to enjoy this, adult Jim. 356 00:18:38,242 --> 00:18:39,243 Hey, everybody, 357 00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:43,789 the next time you see me I will be working for corporate. 358 00:18:45,207 --> 00:18:48,377 Starting tomorrow, Dwight schrute will be running the branch. 359 00:18:49,211 --> 00:18:52,048 So without further ado, 360 00:18:54,258 --> 00:18:57,136 I would like to start saying my goodbyes. 361 00:18:57,803 --> 00:19:01,015 (Playing) For everything you've done 362 00:19:02,058 --> 00:19:04,810 you know I'm bound 363 00:19:05,436 --> 00:19:06,520 okay. 364 00:19:06,604 --> 00:19:08,606 I'm bound to thank you for it... 365 00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:12,485 Good night 366 00:19:13,903 --> 00:19:15,071 and good luck. 367 00:19:15,279 --> 00:19:17,239 (Song continues playing) 368 00:19:27,083 --> 00:19:28,542 Who's ready to work? 369 00:19:32,129 --> 00:19:34,715 Yeah. We went to the spotted pig for dinner. 370 00:19:34,799 --> 00:19:37,218 It's in the village. Karen knew it. 371 00:19:37,301 --> 00:19:39,679 And then we second acted spamalot. 372 00:19:39,762 --> 00:19:42,556 That's when you sneak in at intermission with all the smokers. 373 00:19:43,224 --> 00:19:46,185 And then we went to a bar that used to be a church. 374 00:19:46,394 --> 00:19:49,355 Oh, and at this one bar, I swear I saw lorne Michaels. 375 00:19:49,438 --> 00:19:50,940 That wasn't him. 376 00:19:53,192 --> 00:19:55,611 So what's going to happen with us when I get thisjob? 377 00:19:55,736 --> 00:19:57,363 Oh, you mean, when I get the job? 378 00:19:57,988 --> 00:20:02,451 Well, if you get the job, then I'd move here with you. 379 00:20:03,911 --> 00:20:07,873 Would you move with me? I'm not stupid, okay? 380 00:20:07,957 --> 00:20:09,208 I was at the beach. 381 00:20:10,209 --> 00:20:12,044 We don't have a future in Scranton. 382 00:20:12,586 --> 00:20:14,964 There's one too many people there. 383 00:20:16,173 --> 00:20:19,510 Yournean, kewn? Exacfly. 384 00:20:20,970 --> 00:20:22,930 No, but you get it, right? 385 00:20:23,806 --> 00:20:25,474 I can't stay there. 386 00:20:25,933 --> 00:20:28,936 Yeah. I do. 387 00:20:30,271 --> 00:20:31,272 Come on. 388 00:20:45,661 --> 00:20:47,413 How are you guys doing? Need anything? 389 00:20:48,664 --> 00:20:49,707 No. We're good. Thanks. 390 00:20:49,790 --> 00:20:52,918 I have been here a bunch of times, so I know where everything is. 391 00:20:53,002 --> 00:20:54,170 Know everybody's names. 392 00:20:54,253 --> 00:20:56,505 If you need to know somebody's name, just ask me. 393 00:20:59,008 --> 00:21:02,803 Well, who's that? That is beardy. 394 00:21:03,345 --> 00:21:04,346 Beardy? 395 00:21:05,181 --> 00:21:07,451 I'm going to introduce myself. No, no. That's not his real name. 396 00:21:07,475 --> 00:21:08,893 That's just what I call him. So... 397 00:21:10,311 --> 00:21:12,646 I am by far the most qualified person they're interviewing. 398 00:21:13,606 --> 00:21:15,775 Jim and Karen are here, which is cute. 399 00:21:16,108 --> 00:21:20,821 They're like kid actors tagging along with daddy on the big audition, 400 00:21:21,113 --> 00:21:25,826 hoping to be discovered, except daddy is the best actor around. 401 00:21:26,452 --> 00:21:28,662 Daddy is Meryl Streep. 402 00:21:29,830 --> 00:21:31,165 Michael is gone. 403 00:21:32,166 --> 00:21:33,876 Hail to the chief. 404 00:21:36,712 --> 00:21:38,297 My first order of business, 405 00:21:38,380 --> 00:21:41,050 make Andrew Bernard my number two. 406 00:21:41,133 --> 00:21:44,094 My first order of business, accept. 407 00:21:44,220 --> 00:21:46,889 As if you have a choice. Duh. 408 00:21:47,473 --> 00:21:49,517 Opportunity of a lifetime. 409 00:21:51,435 --> 00:21:53,979 Three months ago, I was nowhere. 410 00:21:54,480 --> 00:21:56,857 I was just a Cornell grad in anger management. 411 00:21:57,942 --> 00:21:59,318 Look where I am now. 412 00:22:00,277 --> 00:22:01,570 Notbad. 413 00:22:05,825 --> 00:22:08,744 Hey, hunter. What's up, my brother? 414 00:22:09,245 --> 00:22:11,956 This is hunter, secretary extraordinaire. 415 00:22:12,373 --> 00:22:14,625 Administrative assistant. Jan in yet? 416 00:22:14,708 --> 00:22:15,852 I think she's coming in later. 417 00:22:15,876 --> 00:22:17,956 Could you give her a message for me when she gets in? 418 00:22:18,212 --> 00:22:19,797 Sure. 419 00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:23,300 Just say I want to squeeze them. 420 00:22:24,802 --> 00:22:27,930 It's code. She'll know what it means. Okay. 421 00:22:28,430 --> 00:22:32,059 Oh, hunter, could you tell her... also? 422 00:22:35,646 --> 00:22:38,440 You showed great leadership potential at the coal walk, 423 00:22:38,732 --> 00:22:42,152 even if you did follow it with that embarrassing personal confession. 424 00:22:42,778 --> 00:22:43,779 Thank you. 425 00:22:43,946 --> 00:22:47,491 I had to make Andy my number two. It's political, complicated. 426 00:22:47,575 --> 00:22:48,784 You wouldn't understand. 427 00:22:48,868 --> 00:22:53,622 I want you to be assistant regional manager. 428 00:22:54,123 --> 00:22:57,084 Really? Well, in a sense. 429 00:22:57,167 --> 00:22:58,168 Although, publicly, 430 00:22:58,252 --> 00:23:01,171 I am going to retain the assistant regional manager position. 431 00:23:01,338 --> 00:23:02,715 You will be your own assistant. 432 00:23:02,798 --> 00:23:04,550 Correct. I need someone I can trust. 433 00:23:04,884 --> 00:23:09,388 But I would also like the title to be secretly applied to you. 434 00:23:10,431 --> 00:23:14,810 Okay. Just stripped off its pomp and frills. 435 00:23:16,145 --> 00:23:19,440 So you would be the regional manager 436 00:23:20,107 --> 00:23:22,276 and the assistant regional manager, 437 00:23:22,818 --> 00:23:25,112 Andy is your number two. 438 00:23:25,321 --> 00:23:28,240 I would be the secret assistant regional manager. 439 00:23:28,407 --> 00:23:31,201 Let's call it secret assistant to the regional manager. 440 00:23:32,786 --> 00:23:36,457 Do you accept? Absolutely I do. 441 00:23:36,832 --> 00:23:37,917 I learned from Jim, 442 00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:41,128 if Dwight ever asks you if you accept something secret, 443 00:23:41,211 --> 00:23:44,882 you reply, "absolutely I do." 444 00:23:49,094 --> 00:23:51,889 Hello, hello! Michael, good to see you. 445 00:23:51,972 --> 00:23:53,033 Good to see you. Have a seat. 446 00:23:53,057 --> 00:23:55,726 Here are the post-merger performance tests that you asked for. 447 00:23:55,809 --> 00:23:56,977 Great. 448 00:23:57,102 --> 00:23:58,782 I've been meaning to thank you, by the way. 449 00:23:58,812 --> 00:24:00,731 You didn't lose a single customer in the merger 450 00:24:00,814 --> 00:24:03,525 and you still managed to trim the budget. That is nice work. 451 00:24:05,611 --> 00:24:09,156 So, let me ask you a question right off the bat, 452 00:24:09,239 --> 00:24:11,742 what do you think are your greatest strengths as a manager? 453 00:24:11,867 --> 00:24:14,453 Why don't I tell you what my greatest weaknesses are? 454 00:24:14,620 --> 00:24:17,831 I work too hard, I care too much, 455 00:24:17,915 --> 00:24:21,585 and sometimes I can be too invested in my job. 456 00:24:22,920 --> 00:24:25,506 Okay. And your strengths? 457 00:24:25,881 --> 00:24:29,426 Well, my weaknesses are actually strengths. 458 00:24:29,510 --> 00:24:32,846 Oh. Yes. Very good. 459 00:24:32,930 --> 00:24:34,807 There you go. Very good. 460 00:24:35,099 --> 00:24:38,185 Dwight is our new boss. No, Michael's not going anywhere. 461 00:24:38,769 --> 00:24:41,438 Then who do you think will get the job? Karen. 462 00:24:42,106 --> 00:24:45,776 She looks corporate. Those little pantsuits. 463 00:24:46,110 --> 00:24:47,587 Phyllis: I think it's going to be Michael. 464 00:24:47,611 --> 00:24:49,530 Do you really think he's qualified for that job? 465 00:24:49,613 --> 00:24:53,158 No, but he wasn't qualified for the job he has now and he got that one. 466 00:24:53,450 --> 00:24:54,451 Yeah. 467 00:24:54,535 --> 00:24:57,079 Listen up. Come to the center of the room, please. 468 00:24:59,164 --> 00:25:01,917 This is a schrute buck. 469 00:25:03,377 --> 00:25:04,878 When you have done something good, 470 00:25:04,962 --> 00:25:07,881 you will receive one schrute buck. 471 00:25:08,340 --> 00:25:12,761 One thousand schrute bucks equals an extra five minutes for lunch. 472 00:25:13,971 --> 00:25:15,848 What is the cash value of a schrute buck? 473 00:25:15,973 --> 00:25:19,184 Excellent question, Pam. One one-hundredth of a cent. 474 00:25:19,518 --> 00:25:21,270 So, 10,000 475 00:25:21,353 --> 00:25:23,522 ofyourdohars is worth one real dollar? Just_ 476 00:25:23,605 --> 00:25:24,857 Zip your lid. 477 00:25:25,274 --> 00:25:26,525 Another announcement. 478 00:25:26,608 --> 00:25:28,610 Michael wasted an enormous amount 479 00:25:28,694 --> 00:25:29,838 of the group's time and Patience 480 00:25:29,862 --> 00:25:32,322 with non-work-related ethnic celebrations 481 00:25:32,406 --> 00:25:35,242 and parades of soft-minded do-goodedness. 482 00:25:35,743 --> 00:25:37,036 Nolongeh 483 00:25:37,119 --> 00:25:40,164 nornorerneefings. Amen 484 00:25:40,247 --> 00:25:44,793 instead, today, I will begin my first lecture in a long series of lectures 485 00:25:44,877 --> 00:25:47,212 designed to increase your knowledge on the world of paper. 486 00:25:47,296 --> 00:25:50,090 Do we have to? Yes. Michael is gone. 487 00:25:50,215 --> 00:25:54,344 There's a new sheriff here in these offices and his name is me. 488 00:25:54,636 --> 00:25:58,057 Conference room, 10 seconds. All of you! 489 00:25:58,140 --> 00:26:01,018 I literally cannot wait until I see what Dwight has planned. 490 00:26:02,603 --> 00:26:03,854 And I wish Jim were here. 491 00:26:06,398 --> 00:26:08,317 What do you think we can be doing better? 492 00:26:08,734 --> 00:26:11,320 I've never been a big fan of the name dunder Mifflin. 493 00:26:11,445 --> 00:26:13,781 I was thinking we could name the company something like 494 00:26:14,239 --> 00:26:17,201 paper great or great paper's our passion. 495 00:26:17,993 --> 00:26:20,079 We're great. 496 00:26:20,287 --> 00:26:22,122 I don't know. It could be good. 497 00:26:22,206 --> 00:26:25,709 Or super duper paper. It's super duper. 498 00:26:26,460 --> 00:26:28,170 I don't know. Something like that. 499 00:26:29,213 --> 00:26:30,214 Okay. Okay. 500 00:26:30,297 --> 00:26:31,965 Thanksforconflngin, nhchael thank you. 501 00:26:32,049 --> 00:26:34,009 It is always a treat when our paths cross. 502 00:26:34,093 --> 00:26:36,887 It is always a treat when our paths cross. 503 00:26:37,221 --> 00:26:40,599 So, oh, before I forget, I wanted to let you know, 504 00:26:40,682 --> 00:26:44,228 if you hadn't already heard, jan and I are back together. 505 00:26:44,645 --> 00:26:45,771 Sol may need to fill out 506 00:26:45,854 --> 00:26:47,981 one of those love documents again. 507 00:26:48,065 --> 00:26:49,691 You're back together. Yes. 508 00:26:49,775 --> 00:26:52,486 And I am very excited about the prospect of working under her. 509 00:26:52,694 --> 00:26:54,029 Or on top of her. 510 00:26:54,571 --> 00:26:56,698 That's not sexual. Just... We're all professionals. 511 00:26:56,782 --> 00:26:57,783 Okay. 512 00:26:57,950 --> 00:27:02,329 Well, I thought it was clear in the description of the position. 513 00:27:02,830 --> 00:27:05,916 The job you're applying for is jan's job. 514 00:27:06,166 --> 00:27:08,752 I don't understand. So we're going to tag-team it? 515 00:27:09,545 --> 00:27:11,296 No. We're letting jan go. 516 00:27:13,715 --> 00:27:14,716 Dwight: Listen up. 517 00:27:15,092 --> 00:27:17,719 Let's start from the ground up. 518 00:27:18,971 --> 00:27:20,097 Where does paper come from? 519 00:27:21,598 --> 00:27:22,599 Trees. All: Trees. 520 00:27:23,058 --> 00:27:24,476 And where do trees grow? 521 00:27:26,353 --> 00:27:28,272 Forests. Soil. 522 00:27:28,355 --> 00:27:29,356 Right. 523 00:27:29,648 --> 00:27:31,608 We have in front of you here 524 00:27:31,900 --> 00:27:35,112 seven different types of Pennsylvania topsoil. 525 00:27:36,864 --> 00:27:39,283 Now, what would you say is 526 00:27:39,366 --> 00:27:41,326 the most important element 527 00:27:41,410 --> 00:27:44,413 in the production of aboveground leafy growth? 528 00:27:45,998 --> 00:27:49,418 Probably phosphorus, right? Wrong. 529 00:27:49,501 --> 00:27:52,296 It's nitrogen. Absorb this information. 530 00:27:55,340 --> 00:27:58,468 Good. Now, let us discuss precipitation. 531 00:27:58,552 --> 00:28:00,971 Stanley, when rainfall occurs, 532 00:28:01,263 --> 00:28:02,431 does it usually fall 533 00:28:02,514 --> 00:28:05,851 in a liquid, solid, or gaseous state? 534 00:28:06,685 --> 00:28:09,062 Liquid. Very good. 535 00:28:09,146 --> 00:28:12,733 You have earned one schrute buck. I don't want it. 536 00:28:13,525 --> 00:28:16,069 Then you have been deducted 50 schrute bucks. 537 00:28:16,153 --> 00:28:18,071 Make it 100. Well... 538 00:28:19,489 --> 00:28:21,658 Don't you want to earn schrute bucks? No. 539 00:28:21,742 --> 00:28:26,622 In fact, I'll give you a billion Stanley nickels if you never talk to me again. 540 00:28:26,830 --> 00:28:29,082 What's the ratio of Stanley nickels to schrute bucks? 541 00:28:29,166 --> 00:28:31,376 The same as the ratio of unicorns to leprechauns. 542 00:28:31,460 --> 00:28:34,296 Okay. That's it! Class is canceled. Everybody out! 543 00:28:34,379 --> 00:28:36,065 No, wait, what are you doing? I'm punishing them. 544 00:28:36,089 --> 00:28:37,483 No, no, no, no. Class is not canceled. 545 00:28:37,507 --> 00:28:38,550 This is so stupid. 546 00:28:38,634 --> 00:28:40,427 Hey! Come on! 547 00:28:40,719 --> 00:28:42,554 Let's listen to Dwight's presentation. 548 00:28:45,766 --> 00:28:47,976 What... what are you winking for? Zip your lid! 549 00:28:48,185 --> 00:28:52,522 So that's my basic five-year plan and then after that who knows? 550 00:28:53,607 --> 00:28:54,650 Okay. 551 00:28:54,733 --> 00:28:57,736 Now, this may seem like an odd question. Yeah? 552 00:28:58,987 --> 00:29:00,781 What do you think about Michael Scott? 553 00:29:01,740 --> 00:29:03,784 He's a very nice man. 554 00:29:03,867 --> 00:29:06,453 And he's very well-suited for the job he has now. 555 00:29:06,620 --> 00:29:09,081 This is off the record. He would be a disaster. 556 00:29:15,462 --> 00:29:18,173 Hey. Hey, you. 557 00:29:18,840 --> 00:29:20,884 How was your interview? Pretty good. 558 00:29:20,968 --> 00:29:22,594 Yeah? Could have gone better, I guess. 559 00:29:22,678 --> 00:29:27,182 Cool. Oh. Well, I will put in a good word for you. 560 00:29:27,266 --> 00:29:29,146 Maybe you should do it sooner rather than later. 561 00:29:29,184 --> 00:29:31,311 What? Let's just run away together. 562 00:29:31,395 --> 00:29:33,647 Let's just run away to Jamaica, live in a bungalow. 563 00:29:33,855 --> 00:29:37,401 You have some savings, right? You can pay off my debts. Itwould be fine. 564 00:29:37,484 --> 00:29:41,154 We'd have fun. What's... What's the matter? What... 565 00:29:41,321 --> 00:29:42,447 What happened in there? 566 00:29:43,448 --> 00:29:45,117 I can't tell you. 567 00:29:46,910 --> 00:29:48,412 Tell me what? 568 00:29:55,002 --> 00:29:56,420 You son of a bitch. 569 00:29:57,296 --> 00:29:59,565 Jan, this isn't the time. I'm in an interview... you're firing me? 570 00:29:59,589 --> 00:30:01,633 Where the hell do you get off? 571 00:30:02,801 --> 00:30:04,678 Frankly, it's overdue. 572 00:30:04,761 --> 00:30:08,181 Your behavior in the last two years has been completely erratic. 573 00:30:08,265 --> 00:30:09,266 Erratic? 574 00:30:09,349 --> 00:30:11,518 Recently you don't even show an interest in your work. 575 00:30:11,601 --> 00:30:13,395 You smoke constantly in your office, 576 00:30:13,478 --> 00:30:15,522 you spend most of the day online shopping. 577 00:30:15,605 --> 00:30:18,025 You disappear for hours at a time, sometimes days, 578 00:30:18,150 --> 00:30:20,527 always saying you're visiting your sister in scottsdale. 579 00:30:20,610 --> 00:30:22,370 You go to Scranton far more often than you... 580 00:30:22,404 --> 00:30:23,405 Is it because of these? 581 00:30:23,488 --> 00:30:26,426 Whoa, hey, whoa, jan. Come on. Is it... no, I want to know! I want to know! 582 00:30:26,450 --> 00:30:29,745 Because if it is, then... Then I will see you in court. 583 00:30:29,828 --> 00:30:31,204 It's not. It's not. 584 00:30:31,288 --> 00:30:32,998 Because he likes them, okay? 585 00:30:33,123 --> 00:30:35,959 He likes them. And that is... That is all I care about. 586 00:30:36,084 --> 00:30:38,563 The time has come for you to end your professional relationship 587 00:30:38,587 --> 00:30:39,713 with this company. 588 00:30:39,796 --> 00:30:42,799 You are clearly unstable. Hey, you're unstable. 589 00:30:42,883 --> 00:30:44,468 Jan: Yeah. 590 00:30:45,969 --> 00:30:47,530 We're all unstable. Jan: Okay, do you know what? 591 00:30:47,554 --> 00:30:51,266 I'm just not leaving. I'm not leaving. I'm not leaving. 592 00:30:51,850 --> 00:30:53,685 David, I did not tell her. 593 00:30:57,481 --> 00:31:00,442 It's like I'm staring into my soul when I look at this wall. 594 00:31:00,525 --> 00:31:03,653 It's like outer spac without the stars. 595 00:31:03,737 --> 00:31:07,324 It's so black. This is going to look so awesome. 596 00:31:07,407 --> 00:31:08,450 It's so intimidating. 597 00:31:08,533 --> 00:31:11,661 Anyone who come in here is going to have to take me seriously. 598 00:31:11,995 --> 00:31:14,498 Abandon all hope ye who enter here. 599 00:31:15,123 --> 00:31:16,124 Andy: Totally! 600 00:31:27,677 --> 00:31:30,138 Bye, hunter. Bye. 601 00:31:30,514 --> 00:31:32,349 Good luck with your band. 602 00:31:32,933 --> 00:31:35,977 Oh, thank you... don't let them change you, okay? 603 00:31:57,666 --> 00:31:59,709 (Bleeping) Solong_. 604 00:32:01,670 --> 00:32:04,047 So I am going to give her a ride home. 605 00:32:05,465 --> 00:32:06,508 Let me know about the job. 606 00:32:06,591 --> 00:32:08,135 Actually, Michael, I think we're going 607 00:32:08,218 --> 00:32:09,487 to take it in another direction. 608 00:32:09,511 --> 00:32:11,054 Good. I'm glad we're on the same page. 609 00:32:11,138 --> 00:32:12,698 I have a lot of ideas for new directions. 610 00:32:12,722 --> 00:32:15,684 No, we're not giving you the job. 611 00:32:21,231 --> 00:32:24,484 You know what? That is actually good 612 00:32:24,568 --> 00:32:29,906 because I don't think I could take my girlfriend's job. 613 00:32:30,490 --> 00:32:32,993 That's not being a good boyfriend. 614 00:32:33,076 --> 00:32:38,039 So I respectfully withdraw my name from consideration. 615 00:32:39,332 --> 00:32:41,543 Do you accept my withdrawal? I do. 616 00:32:41,626 --> 00:32:45,505 Good. Very good. I'm glad we are finally on the same page. 617 00:32:45,922 --> 00:32:47,275 Still have my job in Scranton, though? 618 00:32:47,299 --> 00:32:48,467 Good. Yes. 619 00:32:48,550 --> 00:32:50,719 That's all I ever wanted. 620 00:32:50,802 --> 00:32:56,057 These two, either one of them, excellent candidates. 621 00:32:59,978 --> 00:33:01,480 Wow. 622 00:33:02,105 --> 00:33:06,359 That was some serious, hardcore self-destruction. 623 00:33:06,485 --> 00:33:07,486 Yeah. 624 00:33:07,944 --> 00:33:09,279 I kind offeel bad for her, though. 625 00:33:09,362 --> 00:33:11,239 Don't. She's nuts. 626 00:33:13,700 --> 00:33:14,743 Oh, man. 627 00:33:16,786 --> 00:33:18,663 You know what, this might take a while. 628 00:33:18,747 --> 00:33:20,832 You really don't have to stay if you don't want. 629 00:33:20,916 --> 00:33:24,503 Okay, good because a bunch of my friends are meeting downtown for lunch 630 00:33:24,586 --> 00:33:27,214 and I was going to meet them. So... all right. 631 00:33:27,297 --> 00:33:29,382 Just call me when you're done. Sure. 632 00:33:30,217 --> 00:33:32,344 Good luck, Halpert. Thank you. 633 00:33:37,474 --> 00:33:41,061 Dunder Mifflin, this is grace. Sure. 634 00:33:44,481 --> 00:33:45,690 Oh, god. 635 00:33:45,774 --> 00:33:47,359 I mean I just don't understand. 636 00:33:47,442 --> 00:33:49,194 It's just so rude, you know. I know. I know. 637 00:33:49,277 --> 00:33:50,946 I mean, the absolute nerve of that guy. 638 00:33:51,029 --> 00:33:53,323 I am sorry about that. That was terrible. Oh, just... 639 00:33:53,573 --> 00:33:54,950 No, actually, I think it's good. 640 00:33:55,033 --> 00:33:57,160 You know, it's fine, actually. I do. 641 00:33:57,244 --> 00:33:59,412 I really think it's great that it happened because, 642 00:33:59,496 --> 00:34:01,289 you know, my work has always been the thing 643 00:34:01,373 --> 00:34:03,291 that's gotten in the way of my happiness. So... 644 00:34:03,375 --> 00:34:04,543 Yeah. 645 00:34:07,087 --> 00:34:08,630 Well, it's... 646 00:34:08,880 --> 00:34:10,382 (Crying) 647 00:34:13,677 --> 00:34:15,679 No, don't cry. 648 00:34:15,762 --> 00:34:20,225 It's going to be okay. Oh, I know. I know. It's just... I'm sorry. 649 00:34:20,308 --> 00:34:24,104 It's just these painkillers that I started taking since the surgery. 650 00:34:24,354 --> 00:34:29,234 Oh, they make my moods totally unpredictable. Wow. 651 00:34:30,735 --> 00:34:32,904 What am I going to do? I don't know. 652 00:34:35,740 --> 00:34:39,911 Well, I guess you could come and stay at my condo. 653 00:34:40,120 --> 00:34:42,539 I think I could back out of the sale. 654 00:34:42,622 --> 00:34:43,808 I would probably get some negative feedback 655 00:34:43,832 --> 00:34:45,041 on my eBay profile, but... 656 00:34:45,125 --> 00:34:48,461 Live together. Actually, wait a minute, this could be great. 657 00:34:48,545 --> 00:34:49,546 This could be perfect. 658 00:34:49,629 --> 00:34:51,566 You know, my full-time job can be our relationship. 659 00:34:51,590 --> 00:34:54,217 I can wear stretch pants and wait for you to come home at 5:15. 660 00:34:54,301 --> 00:34:56,344 (Clapping) It could work. This could work, really. 661 00:35:07,314 --> 00:35:09,107 (Imitating the Terminator) I'll be back. 662 00:35:10,317 --> 00:35:12,402 And I am back. 663 00:35:12,485 --> 00:35:15,447 How did it go? No, no, Pam. 664 00:35:15,614 --> 00:35:17,824 I'm back 665 00:35:17,907 --> 00:35:20,243 for good. 666 00:35:20,952 --> 00:35:21,995 Kevin nealon. 667 00:35:22,078 --> 00:35:24,664 Everybody, may I have your attention please? 668 00:35:25,123 --> 00:35:28,585 It is with great honor and privilege 669 00:35:28,918 --> 00:35:30,295 that I announce to you, 670 00:35:30,378 --> 00:35:32,172 I have officially withdrawn my name 671 00:35:32,255 --> 00:35:34,299 for consideration from the corporate job. 672 00:35:35,383 --> 00:35:38,094 I know, I know, I know. Michael, what are you thinking? 673 00:35:38,261 --> 00:35:40,013 You were a shoo-in. Well... 674 00:35:40,180 --> 00:35:42,349 I got down there, I nailed the interview 675 00:35:42,432 --> 00:35:45,060 and the strangest thing happened. 676 00:35:45,852 --> 00:35:47,479 Why is my office black? 677 00:35:48,980 --> 00:35:51,858 To intimidate my subordinates. That's stupid. 678 00:35:52,692 --> 00:35:55,195 It was Andy's idea. You shouldn't have taken it. 679 00:35:56,112 --> 00:35:59,741 Bad management. Good thing I'm back. 680 00:36:00,909 --> 00:36:02,661 Ryan, coffee. 681 00:36:03,078 --> 00:36:06,956 I don't do that stuff anymore. No. It's for me, bimbo. 682 00:36:07,082 --> 00:36:08,083 Kids. 683 00:36:09,376 --> 00:36:11,169 So I'm back 684 00:36:11,252 --> 00:36:16,758 and I am never, ever, going to leave. 685 00:36:17,592 --> 00:36:19,386 I am going nowhere. 686 00:36:21,012 --> 00:36:23,807 This place is like 687 00:36:24,474 --> 00:36:27,977 the hospital where I was born, 688 00:36:28,478 --> 00:36:30,563 my house, 689 00:36:30,647 --> 00:36:33,692 my old age home 690 00:36:34,609 --> 00:36:38,196 and my graveyard for my bones. 691 00:36:39,406 --> 00:36:42,283 Did Karen get the job? 692 00:36:44,160 --> 00:36:46,746 Back to work. Still waiting on that coffee. 693 00:37:01,511 --> 00:37:04,389 Pam, hello. Dwight, hello. 694 00:37:04,472 --> 00:37:09,144 I wanted to thank you for helping me 695 00:37:09,978 --> 00:37:10,979 when you held the title 696 00:37:11,062 --> 00:37:13,273 of secret assistant to the regional manager. 697 00:37:16,401 --> 00:37:19,946 You served the office with great dignity. 698 00:37:28,121 --> 00:37:29,998 No, I don't know what the future holds. 699 00:37:30,999 --> 00:37:32,667 But I'm optimistic 700 00:37:34,169 --> 00:37:37,255 and I had fun goofing around with Dwight today. 701 00:37:39,090 --> 00:37:42,469 Jim and I are just too similar. 702 00:37:43,845 --> 00:37:46,139 Maybe one day I'll find my own Karen. 703 00:37:47,682 --> 00:37:51,311 But, you... that is a... You know, not... 704 00:37:51,728 --> 00:37:54,272 A man. A man version. 705 00:37:55,732 --> 00:38:00,278 But until then, I can hold my head up. 706 00:38:01,613 --> 00:38:02,614 I'm not gay. 707 00:38:04,115 --> 00:38:06,576 I don't know how I feel about hiring a sixers fan. 708 00:38:07,202 --> 00:38:08,661 I should leave. 709 00:38:09,704 --> 00:38:10,765 Now, let me ask you a question, Jim. 710 00:38:10,789 --> 00:38:12,290 You're clearly a very bright guy. 711 00:38:12,373 --> 00:38:14,334 Thanks. Always hit your numbers, personable. 712 00:38:14,417 --> 00:38:16,145 You make a great impression on everyone you meet. 713 00:38:16,169 --> 00:38:17,354 I'm sorry, wait. So is the question, 714 00:38:17,378 --> 00:38:18,963 how did I get to be so awesome? 715 00:38:19,464 --> 00:38:22,467 Because I don't have an answer for you. 716 00:38:22,550 --> 00:38:24,761 Oh, hey, do you have your quarterly numbers... 717 00:38:24,886 --> 00:38:26,721 Yes.absohflew. ._andquesfionnaue? 718 00:38:26,805 --> 00:38:28,949 Sorry to make you fill that thing out. Oh, no. Absolutely. 719 00:38:28,973 --> 00:38:29,974 It's just a hr formality. 720 00:38:30,391 --> 00:38:33,102 We have this very irritating hr guy here. 721 00:38:33,186 --> 00:38:35,688 He's probably the only person you're not going to like. 722 00:38:35,772 --> 00:38:36,773 Kendall. 723 00:38:38,775 --> 00:38:41,778 So, first up. There you go. 724 00:38:41,861 --> 00:38:44,239 How do you think you'd function here in New York? 725 00:38:46,074 --> 00:38:49,077 What's that? Oh, great. You know I just... 726 00:38:49,160 --> 00:38:51,788 I really appreciate the buildings 727 00:38:52,288 --> 00:38:56,835 and the people, and there's just an energy that New York has. 728 00:38:57,961 --> 00:38:59,420 Not to mention they have places 729 00:38:59,504 --> 00:39:02,382 that are open past 8:00, so that's a bonus. 730 00:39:02,465 --> 00:39:04,551 You've been in the Scranton branch a long time. 731 00:39:06,177 --> 00:39:07,846 What have you liked most about that place? 732 00:39:11,266 --> 00:39:13,643 Okay. The friendships. 733 00:39:14,185 --> 00:39:15,603 Well, we want the person 734 00:39:15,687 --> 00:39:18,606 who takes this position to be here for the long haul. 735 00:39:19,148 --> 00:39:23,111 So, long haul, where do you see yourself in 10 years? 736 00:39:33,413 --> 00:39:37,375 How are your feet? Medium rare. Thanks. 737 00:39:40,169 --> 00:39:45,842 The real reason that I went to stamford was because I wanted to be... 738 00:39:47,594 --> 00:39:49,262 Not here. 739 00:39:50,638 --> 00:39:51,848 I know. 740 00:39:53,224 --> 00:39:55,476 And even though I came back, 741 00:39:57,896 --> 00:40:03,860 I just feel like I've never really come back. 742 00:40:11,242 --> 00:40:13,161 Well, I wish you would. 743 00:40:20,835 --> 00:40:22,962 Dunder Mifflin. This is Pam. 744 00:40:23,379 --> 00:40:25,006 Just one moment. I'll transfer you. 745 00:40:25,840 --> 00:40:29,469 I haven't heard anything. But I bet Jim got the job. 746 00:40:29,552 --> 00:40:33,473 I mean, why wouldn't he? He's totally qualified and smart. 747 00:40:33,765 --> 00:40:35,141 Everyone loves him. 748 00:40:36,809 --> 00:40:39,979 And if he never comes back again, 749 00:40:41,064 --> 00:40:42,482 that's okay. 750 00:40:43,066 --> 00:40:46,152 We 're friends. And I'm sure we 7! Stay friends. 751 00:40:47,153 --> 00:40:48,988 We just... we never got the timing right. 752 00:40:49,948 --> 00:40:51,991 You know, I shot him down 753 00:40:52,075 --> 00:40:54,410 and then he did the same to me and... 754 00:40:55,787 --> 00:40:57,580 But you know what, it's okay. 755 00:40:58,539 --> 00:40:59,916 I'm totally fine. 756 00:41:00,375 --> 00:41:02,877 Everything is going to be totally... Pam. 757 00:41:03,044 --> 00:41:04,170 Sorry. 758 00:41:05,546 --> 00:41:07,173 Are you free for dinner tonight? 759 00:41:07,882 --> 00:41:11,177 Yes. All right. Then it's a date. 760 00:41:20,186 --> 00:41:21,854 I'm sorry. What was the question? 761 00:41:24,107 --> 00:41:27,193 So I know we left the other day on a note of uncertainty, 762 00:41:27,276 --> 00:41:29,278 but after some more thought, 763 00:41:29,362 --> 00:41:31,572 I'm very pleased to be able to offer you this job. 764 00:41:32,365 --> 00:41:34,075 Great. 765 00:41:34,242 --> 00:41:37,704 I'm so glad. We're all very excited you're going to be joining us. 766 00:41:37,787 --> 00:41:39,956 It'll be nice to have another mba around here. 767 00:41:40,039 --> 00:41:43,793 I'm excited, too. Okay. 768 00:41:44,544 --> 00:41:47,839 Who was that? 769 00:41:47,922 --> 00:41:49,090 Nobody. 770 00:41:50,216 --> 00:41:52,260 You and I are done. What?