1 00:00:02,419 --> 00:00:06,215 Everybody, everybody, listen up. I need your ideas now. 2 00:00:06,298 --> 00:00:08,675 Ideas, please, right now. Go, go! Come on! 3 00:00:08,759 --> 00:00:10,445 Michael, we don't know what you're talking about. 4 00:00:10,469 --> 00:00:12,346 Wet cement outside. It's drying fast. 5 00:00:12,429 --> 00:00:16,058 Come on, this is a lifelong dream. What do I write? What do I write? 6 00:00:16,141 --> 00:00:17,821 Michael, you could put your initials in it. 7 00:00:17,851 --> 00:00:19,394 M.g.s. No. 8 00:00:19,478 --> 00:00:24,566 Some idiot named Mark Greg schputnick will claim credit for it. I don't... 9 00:00:24,650 --> 00:00:26,544 That is true. Once in a lifetime opportunity, people. 10 00:00:26,568 --> 00:00:27,611 Come on! Phyllis: Well... 11 00:00:27,694 --> 00:00:29,613 Here we go! Yes? 12 00:00:29,696 --> 00:00:30,948 When I was a little girl... 13 00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:32,824 Michael: Okay. 14 00:00:32,908 --> 00:00:35,244 Okay, do it! Come on, great! Let's hear it! 15 00:00:35,327 --> 00:00:36,828 We found some wet cement... 16 00:00:36,912 --> 00:00:39,015 It's drying, it's drying... in the park in our neighborhood... 17 00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:40,082 All right, come on! 18 00:00:40,165 --> 00:00:41,667 Come on, Phyllis! What did we write? 19 00:00:41,750 --> 00:00:43,293 Oh! Come on! 20 00:00:43,377 --> 00:00:45,379 Here it is. You draw a picture. 21 00:00:45,462 --> 00:00:47,062 'Cause that says so much more than words. 22 00:00:47,089 --> 00:00:48,090 No, no! 23 00:00:48,173 --> 00:00:49,234 Come on, give me something good! 24 00:00:49,258 --> 00:00:50,342 Okay, I was watching e! 25 00:00:50,425 --> 00:00:52,678 And I saw will Smith outside the Chinese theater, 26 00:00:52,761 --> 00:00:53,905 and, oh, my god, he looked so good. 27 00:00:53,929 --> 00:00:55,097 Pam, translate. 28 00:00:55,180 --> 00:00:57,909 She's talking about the handprints that celebrities make in the cement. 29 00:00:57,933 --> 00:00:58,976 I love it! 30 00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:00,703 If you were a real star, you'd put your face in it. 31 00:01:00,727 --> 00:01:01,728 I love it more! 32 00:01:01,812 --> 00:01:02,956 Michael, that doesn't seem safe... 33 00:01:02,980 --> 00:01:05,190 I love it! 34 00:01:06,608 --> 00:01:07,968 Come on, let's go! Dwight: Come on! 35 00:01:11,530 --> 00:01:15,325 We are here today not to immortalize a man, but an idea. 36 00:01:16,493 --> 00:01:17,953 Maybe the idea of a man. 37 00:01:18,036 --> 00:01:19,246 Hurry, please. 38 00:01:19,329 --> 00:01:21,248 Greatness is only skin deep, some people say. 39 00:01:21,331 --> 00:01:22,809 Can you breathe? Well, that's not true. 40 00:01:22,833 --> 00:01:23,935 Other people believe it's deep down inside. 41 00:01:23,959 --> 00:01:25,043 Hold your breath. 42 00:01:25,127 --> 00:01:26,271 And in this case, that's also not true. 43 00:01:26,295 --> 00:01:28,380 Ready? And... 44 00:01:28,463 --> 00:01:29,506 Dwight: Go! 45 00:01:29,590 --> 00:01:31,049 Force it in as deep as you can. 46 00:01:31,133 --> 00:01:32,884 Michael: That's what she said. 47 00:01:32,968 --> 00:01:36,680 Michael: Today's a very special day for me. And it's really not about me. 48 00:01:36,763 --> 00:01:40,225 It's about my grandkids. It's about my great-grandkids. 49 00:01:40,684 --> 00:01:43,604 I can come back here when I'm 100, 50 00:01:43,687 --> 00:01:47,190 and I can find that piece of cement and say, 51 00:01:47,274 --> 00:01:51,028 "that's me. Look, kids. Your daddy left that face hole." 52 00:01:52,195 --> 00:01:54,698 I don't know. It's a good feeling. 53 00:02:16,178 --> 00:02:17,220 Okay. 54 00:02:17,804 --> 00:02:18,889 Adjective. 55 00:02:20,390 --> 00:02:23,101 "Tall." no, no, "nice." 56 00:02:24,186 --> 00:02:26,772 Good one. Okay. You ready? 57 00:02:26,855 --> 00:02:27,856 Mmm-hmm. 58 00:02:28,398 --> 00:02:32,527 "The tall man entered the nice building, 59 00:02:32,611 --> 00:02:36,490 "to visit a very nice man. 60 00:02:37,491 --> 00:02:43,372 "'Sit down, Mr. Smith. Can I interest you in any good cat food?"' 61 00:02:45,082 --> 00:02:47,042 It's a man eating cat food! 62 00:02:47,125 --> 00:02:48,919 Andy: What about a cat eating man food? 63 00:02:49,628 --> 00:02:52,047 Andy and Angela seem very happy. 64 00:02:52,130 --> 00:02:54,966 I hope nothing horrible ever happens to them. 65 00:03:01,431 --> 00:03:05,894 Yeah, I slept over at a friend's house, and... 66 00:03:06,228 --> 00:03:10,273 I forgot my contact solution, so I had to wear my back-up glasses. 67 00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:13,694 Shut up. 68 00:03:14,277 --> 00:03:15,946 All right, everybody. 69 00:03:16,071 --> 00:03:20,242 Oh, my god. Pam, those make you look so ugly. 70 00:03:20,951 --> 00:03:23,495 Pam, in order to get hotter, you take glasses off. 71 00:03:23,578 --> 00:03:25,539 You're moving in the wrong direction. 72 00:03:25,622 --> 00:03:27,290 I don't have my contacts... 73 00:03:27,457 --> 00:03:29,251 I can't even hear you. 74 00:03:29,376 --> 00:03:32,003 It's just noise coming out of an ugly scientist. 75 00:03:32,504 --> 00:03:35,632 Everybody, we're gonna have a little brainstorming session 76 00:03:35,716 --> 00:03:37,092 in the conference room. 77 00:03:37,175 --> 00:03:38,802 Energize. 78 00:03:39,886 --> 00:03:41,805 You know what would energize me? 79 00:03:42,514 --> 00:03:45,142 If you, Pamela Morgan beesly... 80 00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:46,268 Don't you, don't you... 81 00:03:46,351 --> 00:03:48,705 If you propose to me during a Michael meeting, I will say no. 82 00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:51,231 Well, it's too late, because I'm proposing 83 00:03:51,314 --> 00:03:54,484 that you get me a cup of coffee, which would energize me greatly 84 00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:56,278 and make me the happiest man in the world. 85 00:03:56,361 --> 00:04:00,907 Everybody, so how are we going to energize our office? 86 00:04:00,991 --> 00:04:03,577 I mean, I haven't done anything since Christmas. 87 00:04:03,660 --> 00:04:07,080 Pam clearly has just given up trying. 88 00:04:07,164 --> 00:04:09,374 So what we need to do is we need to get things going. 89 00:04:09,458 --> 00:04:13,712 We need to get percolating a little bit. Anybody have any ideas what we could do? 90 00:04:13,795 --> 00:04:15,589 Any suggestions? Yes, Andy? 91 00:04:15,672 --> 00:04:19,634 What if we changed our outgoing answering machine message 92 00:04:19,718 --> 00:04:23,555 so it just had a little more zing and a little more pep? 93 00:04:23,638 --> 00:04:26,975 Zing and pep. Those are the kind of words we're looking for. Yes, Jim. 94 00:04:27,058 --> 00:04:29,936 What about if we did an even newer voicemail message 95 00:04:30,020 --> 00:04:31,938 that had even more zing and pep? 96 00:04:32,022 --> 00:04:34,941 Now we're cooking, I like this. Maybe a whole theme. 97 00:04:35,025 --> 00:04:37,110 Like a rap... a rap rhyme. An urban thing. 98 00:04:37,194 --> 00:04:40,489 An urban... yeah, Stanley, you want to help us out with that? 99 00:04:40,572 --> 00:04:41,698 Stanley! Earth to Stanley. 100 00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:42,783 Not me. 101 00:04:42,866 --> 00:04:45,786 Yes, you. Come on, Stanley, put your little game down 102 00:04:45,869 --> 00:04:47,037 and join the group. 103 00:04:48,246 --> 00:04:49,414 Stanley, we're having... 104 00:04:49,498 --> 00:04:50,582 Leave me alone, damn it. 105 00:04:50,665 --> 00:04:52,334 We're having a brainstorm session. 106 00:04:52,417 --> 00:04:53,960 Did I stutter? 107 00:05:00,425 --> 00:05:04,012 Good. This is good. I'm going to grab a glass of water. 108 00:05:10,185 --> 00:05:11,770 Can I talk to you a second? 109 00:05:11,853 --> 00:05:13,230 What? 110 00:05:14,856 --> 00:05:19,110 I really think that you need to address what happened with Stanley this morning. 111 00:05:19,194 --> 00:05:22,447 What are you blabbering about? Nothing happened. 112 00:05:22,531 --> 00:05:25,450 Well, you know, Stanley was openly insubordinate. 113 00:05:25,534 --> 00:05:26,785 That, in the conference room? 114 00:05:26,868 --> 00:05:28,078 Yeah. 115 00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:30,747 We were joshing around, the two of us. 116 00:05:30,831 --> 00:05:32,707 And he said, "did I stutter?" 117 00:05:32,791 --> 00:05:35,961 And I said, "what, dawg?" 118 00:05:36,044 --> 00:05:39,214 It was joking, Toby, all right? 119 00:05:39,297 --> 00:05:40,566 He didn't seem like he wasjoking. 120 00:05:40,590 --> 00:05:43,343 Well, you don't get it, because Stanley is a beautiful, 121 00:05:43,426 --> 00:05:45,804 sassy, powerful black man, 122 00:05:45,887 --> 00:05:47,973 and you're you. 123 00:05:48,056 --> 00:05:50,642 If you had any friends, you would understand. 124 00:05:50,725 --> 00:05:54,479 Friends joke with one another. "Hey, you're poor." 125 00:05:54,563 --> 00:05:58,817 "Well, hey, your mama's dead." That's what friends do. 126 00:05:58,900 --> 00:06:01,111 It's... you're so white. 127 00:06:02,404 --> 00:06:04,739 All right. Well... 128 00:06:04,823 --> 00:06:08,243 If you really believe that Stanley was joking... 129 00:06:08,326 --> 00:06:09,327 Michael: Mmm-hmm. 130 00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:10,912 Why don't we go ask him now? 131 00:06:10,996 --> 00:06:12,914 Okay, I will. 132 00:06:12,998 --> 00:06:14,875 I'm not feeling very well right now, though. 133 00:06:14,958 --> 00:06:18,336 My stomach hurts, so I may be going home early today. 134 00:06:19,212 --> 00:06:21,840 You know, Michael, sometimes my daughter's stomach hurts 135 00:06:21,923 --> 00:06:23,341 when there's a mean girl at school. 136 00:06:23,425 --> 00:06:28,096 Well, sometimes my stomach hurts when you come into my office. 137 00:06:28,179 --> 00:06:30,515 So it's probably psychological. 138 00:06:33,476 --> 00:06:37,439 And y: You meet a lot ofladies driving an xterra, because you pull up to a stoplight 139 00:06:37,522 --> 00:06:42,068 and look over, and there's an xterra next to you, they're always driven by chicks. 140 00:06:42,152 --> 00:06:43,653 So there's your icebreaker. 141 00:06:45,530 --> 00:06:46,531 Scratch! 142 00:06:46,615 --> 00:06:48,116 That's a racing stripe. 143 00:06:48,700 --> 00:06:49,743 Bumper's sagging. 144 00:06:49,826 --> 00:06:51,536 Hmm. I doubt that very much. 145 00:06:51,620 --> 00:06:54,748 This car is crap. I will buy it for next to nothing. 146 00:06:54,831 --> 00:06:55,874 How next to? 147 00:06:55,957 --> 00:06:57,077 Well, here are your options. 148 00:06:57,125 --> 00:07:00,295 You can sell it for parts, drive it off a cliff, 149 00:07:01,004 --> 00:07:05,800 you can donate it to a person that you'd like to see die in a car crash, or 150 00:07:05,884 --> 00:07:09,012 you can sell it to me and I'll use it as I would a wagon on my farm. 151 00:07:09,095 --> 00:07:11,348 It will be towed by a donkey. 152 00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:13,266 I have to pick one of those? Yes. 153 00:07:13,350 --> 00:07:14,493 Can you go over those options again? 154 00:07:14,517 --> 00:07:15,644 You know what? 155 00:07:15,727 --> 00:07:19,940 You knock $1,500 off the price right now and I will take it off your hands. 156 00:07:20,023 --> 00:07:21,316 It's gotta be now. 157 00:07:21,399 --> 00:07:22,501 Well, I had the blue book value... 158 00:07:22,525 --> 00:07:23,777 Seal the deal. Let's do it. 159 00:07:23,860 --> 00:07:26,863 Let's do this thing. Three, two, one. 160 00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:28,365 Can I think about it? 161 00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:29,824 Five, four, three, two, now. 162 00:07:29,908 --> 00:07:30,909 Let me think about it. 163 00:07:30,992 --> 00:07:32,994 Now. Now. Say it. Do it now. 164 00:07:33,078 --> 00:07:34,138 Thinking about it. Thinking. 165 00:07:34,162 --> 00:07:35,264 Do it now! Do it. Shake my hand. 166 00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:37,540 You will sell me this car. Shake my hand. 167 00:07:37,624 --> 00:07:39,209 Yeah, all right! 168 00:07:43,630 --> 00:07:45,173 What? 169 00:07:45,256 --> 00:07:48,510 I see that you gave me that form 170 00:07:48,593 --> 00:07:51,346 that I asked you to give me, Stanley the manly. 171 00:07:51,429 --> 00:07:54,432 So thank you for that. I guess we are back to normal. 172 00:07:54,516 --> 00:07:56,309 What are you talking about? 173 00:07:56,393 --> 00:08:01,564 Well, you know, the thing that you said earlier that you didn't mean. 174 00:08:02,983 --> 00:08:06,069 And that I forgive you for. The whole thing's silly, isn't it? 175 00:08:06,152 --> 00:08:09,572 Friends don't need to apologize to friends, as far as I'm concerned. 176 00:08:09,656 --> 00:08:10,740 So we are cool. 177 00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:13,243 I am not going to apologize to you. 178 00:08:13,451 --> 00:08:15,704 It's like I used to tell my wife. 179 00:08:15,787 --> 00:08:20,500 "I do not apologize unless I think I'm wrong, and if you don't like it, you can leave." 180 00:08:20,583 --> 00:08:25,463 And I say the same thing to my current wife, and I'll say it to my next one, too. 181 00:08:25,672 --> 00:08:28,341 Jim is in charge of Stanley only in sales-related matters. 182 00:08:28,425 --> 00:08:30,844 Hence the green line. Green for money. 183 00:08:30,927 --> 00:08:33,680 Sales, get it? There is this yellow zigzag 184 00:08:33,763 --> 00:08:36,266 that does give Ryan the authority to discipline Stanley. 185 00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:37,350 Great. 186 00:08:37,434 --> 00:08:38,601 However, in so doing, 187 00:08:38,685 --> 00:08:42,605 it zigs past your name, hence zagging you and making you appear weak. 188 00:08:42,772 --> 00:08:45,942 Thus the yellow color. Yellow for cowardly. 189 00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:47,360 What's the pink? 190 00:08:47,444 --> 00:08:48,528 Menstrual cycles. 191 00:08:49,195 --> 00:08:50,321 Okay. 192 00:08:50,655 --> 00:08:55,326 Is there anybody up here, anybody at all, that can deal with this 193 00:08:55,410 --> 00:08:56,828 other than me... you. 194 00:08:56,995 --> 00:09:02,375 Well, there is the emergency disaster mode for the org chart. 195 00:09:02,459 --> 00:09:08,089 This gives me full authority over every single person in the office. 196 00:09:08,173 --> 00:09:09,358 I never said you could do that. 197 00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:10,842 All you have to do is say it. 198 00:09:10,925 --> 00:09:12,177 Okay, I'll think about it. 199 00:09:12,260 --> 00:09:13,720 Say it. Just do it. 200 00:09:13,803 --> 00:09:19,017 Don't think, say it. Do it. Five, four, three, two... 201 00:09:19,100 --> 00:09:22,562 Do it. Give me control, Michael. 202 00:09:25,982 --> 00:09:30,236 I promise to give authority back to you when this crisis is over. 203 00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:31,863 Do it, Michael. 204 00:09:33,281 --> 00:09:34,657 Do it. Hey. 205 00:09:35,825 --> 00:09:38,161 This office needs a strongman. 206 00:09:39,162 --> 00:09:40,371 Say it. 207 00:09:42,332 --> 00:09:43,708 So... 208 00:09:44,959 --> 00:09:49,130 All right, well then, you're gonna have to deal with this yourself. 209 00:09:55,178 --> 00:09:58,473 Hey, Pam. I really like your glasses. 210 00:09:58,556 --> 00:10:00,058 Oh, thanks. 211 00:10:00,141 --> 00:10:03,728 All the girlfriends that I've ever had have worn glasses. 212 00:10:03,812 --> 00:10:05,605 Oh, okay. 213 00:10:05,688 --> 00:10:07,649 Yeah, it's kind of a turn-on for me, actually. 214 00:10:07,732 --> 00:10:08,793 I should probably get back to... 215 00:10:08,817 --> 00:10:09,818 Like librarians. 216 00:10:09,901 --> 00:10:11,236 Entering the... 217 00:10:11,319 --> 00:10:12,987 Could you just say, 218 00:10:13,071 --> 00:10:14,781 "these are due back Thursday"? 219 00:10:29,003 --> 00:10:32,715 Dunder Mifflin. This is Pam. Okay, go ahead. 220 00:10:35,927 --> 00:10:37,762 A lot ofjazz cats are blind, 221 00:10:37,846 --> 00:10:41,099 but they can play the piano like nobody's business. 222 00:10:41,558 --> 00:10:46,563 I'd like to put the piano in front of Pam without her glasses and see what happens. 223 00:10:46,896 --> 00:10:48,648 I'd also like to see her topless. 224 00:10:53,278 --> 00:10:54,487 Hey. Mike. 225 00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:56,364 I'm very busy here, man. Darryl... 226 00:10:58,449 --> 00:10:59,993 Have you ever been in a gang? 227 00:11:01,244 --> 00:11:03,913 It's an advice question, and 228 00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:07,542 if you don't want to talk about it, I completely understand. It's... 229 00:11:07,625 --> 00:11:09,502 No, no, no. I know it's very, very personal. 230 00:11:12,714 --> 00:11:13,715 I have. 231 00:11:13,798 --> 00:11:16,092 I knew it. Okay. 232 00:11:16,176 --> 00:11:17,927 Who are we talking about here? 233 00:11:18,052 --> 00:11:19,679 Both. Crips, bloods? 234 00:11:19,762 --> 00:11:20,763 God. 235 00:11:20,847 --> 00:11:23,057 Yeah, them and the Latin kings. 236 00:11:23,141 --> 00:11:26,019 The warriors, newsies. Okay. 237 00:11:26,102 --> 00:11:28,062 Okay, so dig this. 238 00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:32,609 You're on the street and one of your gang disses you. 239 00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:34,527 Oh, my goodness. Yeah, right. 240 00:11:34,611 --> 00:11:36,946 So what do you do to get him to make it right? 241 00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:42,535 Well, see, in the gang world, we use something called "fluffy fingers." 242 00:11:43,995 --> 00:11:45,038 What is that? 243 00:11:45,121 --> 00:11:47,707 That's where if somebody really gets in your face, 244 00:11:47,790 --> 00:11:50,293 you know, you just start tickling them. 245 00:11:53,087 --> 00:11:54,422 Yeah. Really? 246 00:11:54,505 --> 00:11:56,341 And he starts tickling you. 247 00:11:56,424 --> 00:11:59,052 You know, pretty soon you're laughing and hugging. 248 00:11:59,135 --> 00:12:01,346 Before you know it, you've forgotten the whole thing. 249 00:12:01,429 --> 00:12:05,266 Y'all can just go to church together and get an ice cream cone. 250 00:12:05,350 --> 00:12:07,894 I would have never thought that 251 00:12:09,187 --> 00:12:10,980 gangs would be tickling each other. 252 00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:12,982 Well, it's effective. 253 00:12:22,951 --> 00:12:27,288 I think it's self-explanatory. Hey, Jim! Come here for a second. 254 00:12:27,372 --> 00:12:29,791 Can you answer me something as a true eagles fan? 255 00:12:29,874 --> 00:12:31,542 Oh, boy. 256 00:12:31,626 --> 00:12:33,711 How do you live with a franchise this bad? 257 00:12:33,795 --> 00:12:35,463 On a wing and a prayer, mostly. 258 00:12:35,546 --> 00:12:37,340 All right, whatever you say. 259 00:12:37,423 --> 00:12:39,259 Listen, while I have you here with Toby, 260 00:12:39,342 --> 00:12:41,822 I need to give you a formal warning about your job performance. 261 00:12:42,387 --> 00:12:44,013 A formal warning? 262 00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:47,934 It's actually not a joke. I know how you spend your time here. 263 00:12:48,184 --> 00:12:50,311 I know how little you care about your job. 264 00:12:50,395 --> 00:12:52,563 And honestly, if you spent as much time selling 265 00:12:52,647 --> 00:12:55,441 as you do goofing around with Dwight and hanging out at reception, 266 00:12:55,525 --> 00:12:58,278 we wouldn't be having this conversation. 267 00:12:58,736 --> 00:13:01,948 I'm sorry, is this because I talked to Wallace about your website? 268 00:13:02,031 --> 00:13:04,117 Because I really didn't mean to go over your head. 269 00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:06,536 This has nothing to do with that, all right? 270 00:13:06,661 --> 00:13:09,872 I always appreciate constructive criticism about my job performance. 271 00:13:09,956 --> 00:13:11,457 I thrive on it. 272 00:13:11,958 --> 00:13:13,978 I'm sorry, then do you mind explaining it a little better? 273 00:13:14,002 --> 00:13:15,187 'Cause I'm not sure what's really... 274 00:13:15,211 --> 00:13:17,046 Whoa. Don't get all defensive, all right? 275 00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:18,756 It's just a warning. 276 00:13:18,840 --> 00:13:22,385 If you want the details, Toby can provide them. You take it easy, all right? 277 00:13:22,593 --> 00:13:26,014 I'd say all the goofing around at Pam's desk 278 00:13:26,097 --> 00:13:29,559 and hanging out with Pam has finally caught up to him. 279 00:13:30,518 --> 00:13:32,270 You know, with Pam. 280 00:13:36,357 --> 00:13:38,943 Hey, what happened? What did Ryan want? 281 00:13:39,027 --> 00:13:40,445 Oh, we were just 282 00:13:40,528 --> 00:13:43,114 talking about bureaucratic stuff. 283 00:13:43,197 --> 00:13:44,699 Because you're very important. 284 00:13:44,782 --> 00:13:45,825 Yeah. 285 00:13:55,126 --> 00:13:58,338 Oh, what's Dwight up to? Oh, probably nothing. 286 00:14:03,551 --> 00:14:05,928 What the hell is this all about? 287 00:14:07,513 --> 00:14:09,265 You're flipping my car for profit. 288 00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:10,892 It's my car now. 289 00:14:10,975 --> 00:14:15,521 I gave you a deal based on what you said to me. 290 00:14:15,605 --> 00:14:19,942 Yeah, well, seller beware. Now ifyou'll excuse me, 291 00:14:20,026 --> 00:14:23,988 I've got to monitor a three-way bidding war for my car on eBay. 292 00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:27,742 I've got a mad lib for you. 293 00:14:27,825 --> 00:14:31,788 "A stupid, idiotic numbskull 294 00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:35,875 "named Andy Bernard sold his xterra 295 00:14:35,958 --> 00:14:39,962 "to a smart and capable man named Dwight. 296 00:14:40,046 --> 00:14:43,633 "This is shaping up to be an awesome day for Dwight." 297 00:14:56,479 --> 00:15:02,151 Okay, everybody. Shh. Listen up. Earlier today, Stanley sassed me, 298 00:15:02,235 --> 00:15:05,488 and Toby gave me some suggestions on how to discipline him. 299 00:15:05,571 --> 00:15:08,366 They did not work, obviously, because they were stupid. 300 00:15:08,449 --> 00:15:12,161 So I am now going to fake fire him. 301 00:15:12,995 --> 00:15:13,996 What does that mean? 302 00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:16,082 It's like a mock execution. 303 00:15:16,165 --> 00:15:18,167 That's not a good idea. Yes, it is a good idea. 304 00:15:18,251 --> 00:15:20,378 It's the only possible solution I have left. 305 00:15:20,461 --> 00:15:21,796 Well, you can actually fire him. 306 00:15:24,048 --> 00:15:25,049 I've had enough of you. 307 00:15:25,133 --> 00:15:26,384 Why are you telling us this? 308 00:15:26,467 --> 00:15:30,221 Because I want you to behave as if I'm actually firing him, Oscar, okay? 309 00:15:30,304 --> 00:15:32,765 Michael, if you hadn't told us this, 310 00:15:32,849 --> 00:15:35,476 then we would've thought that you were actually firing him. 311 00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:40,148 I'm not firing him! I will need you to act like I am firing him. 312 00:15:40,231 --> 00:15:44,527 Just... what I'm going to do is I'm going to pretend that I'm firing him. 313 00:15:44,694 --> 00:15:47,864 And I need you to act like I am firing him. Do you get that? 314 00:15:48,030 --> 00:15:49,740 Do you get it? I'm teaching him alesson. 315 00:15:49,866 --> 00:15:52,702 He needs to learn humility, all right? That's all I'm... 316 00:15:52,827 --> 00:15:55,663 Okay, here he comes. Let's just play-act. 317 00:15:58,040 --> 00:16:00,793 Stanley, may I talk to you for a second? 318 00:16:07,258 --> 00:16:10,428 Stanley Hudson, you are fired. 319 00:16:17,602 --> 00:16:19,145 Are you serious? 320 00:16:19,729 --> 00:16:22,231 I am serious. We are all serious. 321 00:16:23,608 --> 00:16:25,318 You are fired like a heart attack. 322 00:16:25,401 --> 00:16:28,779 You're firing me over three words? 323 00:16:28,863 --> 00:16:30,907 Yes. Have you lost your mind? 324 00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:34,243 Do you think I'm gonna let you do this to me? 325 00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:37,163 I've watched you screw up this office for 10 years, 326 00:16:37,246 --> 00:16:40,374 and I'm filing a lawsuit, and I'm gonna tell them about every stupid thing 327 00:16:40,458 --> 00:16:41,818 you've ever done up in this office. 328 00:16:41,876 --> 00:16:43,044 All right, okay. 329 00:16:43,127 --> 00:16:45,796 You know what? Now you know how I feel. 330 00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:48,508 This was a fake firing. 331 00:16:49,884 --> 00:16:53,179 Lesson learned. Good work, everybody. Very nice. 332 00:16:53,262 --> 00:16:54,555 So I'm not fired. 333 00:16:54,639 --> 00:16:56,766 That's it. 334 00:16:56,849 --> 00:16:58,976 And... 335 00:16:59,060 --> 00:17:00,478 Do you have anything to say to me? 336 00:17:00,561 --> 00:17:02,647 Ooh, yes, I do. 337 00:17:03,773 --> 00:17:07,026 You are out of your damn little pea-sized mind. 338 00:17:07,109 --> 00:17:11,697 What is wrong with you? Do you have any sense at all? 339 00:17:11,781 --> 00:17:14,408 Do you have any idea how to run an office? 340 00:17:14,492 --> 00:17:17,828 Every day you do something stupider than you did the day before. 341 00:17:17,912 --> 00:17:21,207 And I think, "there's no possible way he can top that." 342 00:17:21,290 --> 00:17:24,502 But what do you do? You find a way, damn it, to top it. 343 00:17:24,627 --> 00:17:26,003 You are a professional idiot... 344 00:17:26,087 --> 00:17:27,755 Hey, stop it! 345 00:17:29,090 --> 00:17:30,550 Okay, everybody out. 346 00:17:30,633 --> 00:17:32,468 Jim: Who? Yeah, everybody except Stanley. 347 00:17:40,935 --> 00:17:41,978 Let's go. 348 00:17:42,061 --> 00:17:43,789 I can't find my glasses. Okay, you know what? 349 00:17:43,813 --> 00:17:47,024 Why don't you take my hand and leave them, and let's get out of here. 350 00:17:47,108 --> 00:17:48,526 Okay, okay. 351 00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:56,742 It's Michael versus Stanley, and it is the clash of the titans. 352 00:17:56,826 --> 00:18:00,788 In one corner, you have Michael, and he is mad. 353 00:18:00,871 --> 00:18:04,709 And then in the other corner, you have Stanley, and he's mad. 354 00:18:06,043 --> 00:18:07,795 So that's about it. 355 00:18:28,024 --> 00:18:30,026 I don't understand why you keep picking on me. 356 00:18:30,109 --> 00:18:31,110 Oh, for the love of god. 357 00:18:31,193 --> 00:18:32,445 You just 358 00:18:32,528 --> 00:18:37,074 do, and I don't know why, so please help me understand. 359 00:18:37,158 --> 00:18:42,830 Fine. Here it is. You are a person I do not respect. 360 00:18:42,913 --> 00:18:46,083 The things you say, your actions, your methods and style, 361 00:18:46,167 --> 00:18:49,754 everything you would do, I would do it the opposite way. 362 00:18:53,591 --> 00:18:55,259 Well, Stanley, 363 00:18:55,343 --> 00:18:58,012 maybe you are feeling that you don't respect me 364 00:18:58,095 --> 00:19:00,222 because you don't know me very well. 365 00:19:00,306 --> 00:19:03,100 Michael, I've known you a very long time, 366 00:19:03,267 --> 00:19:07,396 and the more I've gotten to know you, the less I've come to respect you. 367 00:19:08,606 --> 00:19:10,024 Any other theories? 368 00:19:16,364 --> 00:19:18,658 All right, you don't respect me. 369 00:19:19,825 --> 00:19:21,285 I accept that. 370 00:19:22,828 --> 00:19:24,413 But listen to me. 371 00:19:24,497 --> 00:19:29,794 You can't talk to me that way in this office, you just can't. I am your boss. 372 00:19:31,462 --> 00:19:32,630 Can't allow it. 373 00:19:33,589 --> 00:19:34,590 Fair enough. 374 00:19:41,472 --> 00:19:47,186 I am a good person, and sometimes good people don't get no respect. 375 00:19:47,353 --> 00:19:48,771 Rodney dangerfield. 376 00:19:50,231 --> 00:19:53,859 "Hey, I don't get no respect. No respect at all. 377 00:19:54,777 --> 00:19:58,114 "When I was in the sandbox as a kid, I got no respect. 378 00:19:59,448 --> 00:20:01,867 "My wife likes to talk after sex. 379 00:20:01,951 --> 00:20:05,913 "So she called me from a hotel room, said, 'i don't respect you.' 380 00:20:07,331 --> 00:20:08,791 "Thoughtless. 381 00:20:10,751 --> 00:20:14,422 "You know what don't get no respect? Airplane food. 382 00:20:15,089 --> 00:20:18,801 "Why don't they just make the plane out of the airline food? 383 00:20:21,679 --> 00:20:26,684 "My wife don't get no respect. So... take her, please, for example. 384 00:20:28,894 --> 00:20:32,231 "If you don't get no respect, you might be a redneck." 385 00:20:33,691 --> 00:20:37,361 "Respect is nice." Borat. 386 00:20:40,865 --> 00:20:44,994 "What's the deal with grape-nuts? No grapes, no nuts. 387 00:20:46,662 --> 00:20:48,330 "I don't get no respect." 388 00:20:50,458 --> 00:20:54,587 So I'm thinking as a reward for our loyal clients 389 00:20:54,670 --> 00:20:58,591 that we contact their assistants and we find out where they live, 390 00:20:58,966 --> 00:21:04,096 and then, we go to their houses in the middle of summer and go caroling. 391 00:21:04,346 --> 00:21:10,978 It is a summer Christmas sale-e-bration, and we'll call it, "a summer sales-a-lot." 392 00:21:12,396 --> 00:21:14,565 Feedback, anybody? Stanley? 393 00:21:15,941 --> 00:21:18,694 Has potential to be your best idea yet. 394 00:21:20,529 --> 00:21:22,009 That's the dumbest thing I ever heard. 395 00:21:22,156 --> 00:21:23,699 Damn it, Phyllis. 396 00:21:23,783 --> 00:21:26,076 All right, everybody out except Phyllis.