1 00:00:04,422 --> 00:00:05,673 (Grunts) 2 00:00:07,675 --> 00:00:08,843 Parkour! 3 00:00:10,553 --> 00:00:12,430 Michael. Parkour! Parkour! 4 00:00:13,264 --> 00:00:14,932 Extreme. Michael: Parkour! 5 00:00:15,141 --> 00:00:19,478 This is parkour. Internet sensation of 2004, 6 00:00:19,687 --> 00:00:22,148 and it was in one of the bond films. It's pretty impressive. 7 00:00:22,231 --> 00:00:25,776 The goal is to get from point a to point b as creatively as possible. 8 00:00:25,860 --> 00:00:27,570 So technically they are doing parkour, 9 00:00:27,653 --> 00:00:31,115 as long as point a is delusion and point b is the hospital. 10 00:00:31,282 --> 00:00:32,783 (Dwight yells) 11 00:00:33,618 --> 00:00:35,161 Parkour! 12 00:00:38,789 --> 00:00:39,832 (Dwight whooping) 13 00:00:39,916 --> 00:00:41,626 Dwight: Yeah, parkour! 14 00:00:41,876 --> 00:00:43,336 Andy, leap frog. Go, go! 15 00:00:43,461 --> 00:00:45,588 Do me! Do me! Yeah. Okay. Yeah. 16 00:00:45,671 --> 00:00:46,714 Parkour! Parkour! 17 00:00:46,797 --> 00:00:48,716 Get off! Get off! Okay. 18 00:00:48,799 --> 00:00:49,800 Parkour! 19 00:00:52,303 --> 00:00:53,846 Parkour! Jump over the camera. 20 00:00:54,138 --> 00:00:55,389 Jump over the camera. 21 00:00:57,308 --> 00:00:59,560 Okay, we all go together, or we go one at a time. 22 00:00:59,644 --> 00:01:04,315 Here it is. Here it is. Truck to refrigerators to dumpster, 23 00:01:04,482 --> 00:01:07,902 360 spin onto the palettes, back flip, gainer into the trashcan. 24 00:01:08,027 --> 00:01:09,987 Yeah, gameh yeah, yeah, yeah! 25 00:01:10,071 --> 00:01:12,448 Parkour, parkour! Parkour, parkour! 26 00:01:12,531 --> 00:01:13,842 I'm right behind you, Andy. Come on! 27 00:01:13,866 --> 00:01:16,118 Let's do it! Yeah! 28 00:01:19,664 --> 00:01:20,790 Andy: (Groans) Parkour. 29 00:01:29,924 --> 00:01:31,342 (Inaudible) 30 00:01:44,522 --> 00:01:45,523 Dwight: Good. 31 00:01:47,858 --> 00:01:48,859 Excehent 32 00:01:50,403 --> 00:01:51,487 thank you. 33 00:01:52,029 --> 00:01:54,240 Here you go. Is there anything else I can do? 34 00:02:01,580 --> 00:02:02,832 Yes. 35 00:02:02,915 --> 00:02:04,583 (Clearing throat) 36 00:02:04,667 --> 00:02:06,711 See those files behind Kevin's desk? Mmm-hmm. 37 00:02:06,794 --> 00:02:08,796 Go put them all in random order. 38 00:02:08,879 --> 00:02:09,880 Okay. 39 00:02:09,964 --> 00:02:13,301 Dwight: Then come back here for your next assignment concerning their order. 40 00:02:13,592 --> 00:02:17,471 This is the last day of our summer interns. It's been nice. 41 00:02:17,555 --> 00:02:18,875 We haven't had interns in a while. 42 00:02:18,931 --> 00:02:19,974 (Inaudible) 43 00:02:20,057 --> 00:02:22,393 Ever since Michael's Monica Lewinsky incident. 44 00:02:22,560 --> 00:02:23,894 He didn't do anything sexual. 45 00:02:24,103 --> 00:02:26,939 He just made far, far too many Monica Lewinsky jokes. 46 00:02:27,732 --> 00:02:30,318 It was just easier for corporate to shut down the program. 47 00:02:33,279 --> 00:02:35,406 Think she did him? I bet there's something there. 48 00:02:35,531 --> 00:02:37,050 I was with them in the kitchen yesterday, 49 00:02:37,074 --> 00:02:39,234 and they were all too happy to be cleaning the freezer. 50 00:02:39,327 --> 00:02:41,662 If they get married before I do, I'm going to kill myself. 51 00:02:42,121 --> 00:02:43,914 Who's getting married? Nobody. 52 00:02:45,041 --> 00:02:46,643 If somebody doesn't tell me, I'm gonna start screaming. 53 00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:48,419 It's Eric and Megan. Oh! 54 00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:50,046 Hey, I hired them. 55 00:02:50,254 --> 00:02:51,505 Matchmaker. 56 00:02:52,173 --> 00:02:53,883 This place is like spaniard fly. 57 00:02:53,966 --> 00:02:56,093 They're not getting married. It's just talk. 58 00:02:56,177 --> 00:02:57,762 Did everybody know about this but me? 59 00:02:57,845 --> 00:02:59,805 There's nothing to know. It's just gossip. 60 00:03:02,099 --> 00:03:03,309 Okay. Okay. 61 00:03:04,435 --> 00:03:06,035 We haven't told anyone that I'm pregnant. 62 00:03:06,103 --> 00:03:09,357 What with her being unmarried, knocked up by some guy. 63 00:03:09,440 --> 00:03:11,859 The yakety-yaks in this office would have a field day. 64 00:03:11,942 --> 00:03:13,754 Yeah, and we don't want them at the wedding thinking 65 00:03:13,778 --> 00:03:16,781 Jim's being marched down the aisle by my dad with a shotgun. 66 00:03:18,115 --> 00:03:19,426 Wait, there's not going to be a shotgun? 67 00:03:19,450 --> 00:03:20,493 Nope. 68 00:03:20,576 --> 00:03:23,245 No shotgun? Because that changes everything. 69 00:03:23,454 --> 00:03:24,789 Can't back out now, Halpert. 70 00:03:25,581 --> 00:03:28,626 What are you going to do about it? There's no shotgun, so, 71 00:03:30,086 --> 00:03:32,213 free at last, free at last. 72 00:03:33,422 --> 00:03:34,507 No, keep it up. 73 00:03:36,133 --> 00:03:37,194 You'll never guess what I know. 74 00:03:37,218 --> 00:03:39,136 Okay. Let me finish this thought. 75 00:03:39,637 --> 00:03:41,097 Eric likes Megan. 76 00:03:42,348 --> 00:03:43,641 He most definitely does. 77 00:03:43,808 --> 00:03:45,768 He's been asking her out repeatedly for weeks. 78 00:03:45,851 --> 00:03:48,771 She finally said yes. They went out on a group date the other night. 79 00:03:48,854 --> 00:03:50,231 Apparently it went very well. 80 00:03:51,232 --> 00:03:53,234 How do you know this? People tell me things. 81 00:03:53,317 --> 00:03:55,236 I guess I have a face you can trust. 82 00:03:55,319 --> 00:03:57,321 I think it's because of my low cheek bones. 83 00:03:58,197 --> 00:04:01,909 And boom. Okay, what is it? What can't I guess? 84 00:04:02,952 --> 00:04:05,579 I hate, hate, hate being left out. 85 00:04:05,871 --> 00:04:10,376 Whether it's not being picked for a team or being picked for a team 86 00:04:10,459 --> 00:04:13,629 and then showing up and realizing that the team doesn't exist, 87 00:04:14,630 --> 00:04:16,549 or that the sport doesn't exist. 88 00:04:17,383 --> 00:04:19,385 I should have known. Poopbah? 89 00:04:20,678 --> 00:04:23,556 Oh, man, I know how you feel. Third wheel. 90 00:04:23,639 --> 00:04:26,851 I have been the third wheel so many times in my life. 91 00:04:27,518 --> 00:04:29,704 My mom told me something once that made me feel a lot better. 92 00:04:29,728 --> 00:04:33,858 She said, "the third wheel is what makes it a tricycle." 93 00:04:34,150 --> 00:04:35,230 What are you talking about? 94 00:04:35,276 --> 00:04:37,528 I am talking about your group date with Megan and Eric. 95 00:04:37,653 --> 00:04:38,863 At tinks? Yes. 96 00:04:38,988 --> 00:04:40,322 How'd you know about that? Well... 97 00:04:40,406 --> 00:04:41,657 Did Stanley tell you? 98 00:04:42,366 --> 00:04:44,743 Stanley was on your group date? 99 00:04:45,035 --> 00:04:46,871 No. Stanley was with his wife. 100 00:04:46,954 --> 00:04:48,539 I waved at him but he didn't wave back. 101 00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:51,041 (Chuckles) 102 00:04:51,125 --> 00:04:52,585 Does anybody else know about this? 103 00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:55,129 (Chuckles) 104 00:04:56,881 --> 00:04:59,300 There he goes. There he goes. 105 00:05:00,968 --> 00:05:04,054 So, what is the scuttlebutt? Anybody hear anything? 106 00:05:06,223 --> 00:05:08,976 Nothing? I got a little something-something. 107 00:05:09,560 --> 00:05:10,895 I don't know if I should say. 108 00:05:11,103 --> 00:05:12,372 So just keep it to yourself, then. 109 00:05:12,396 --> 00:05:14,565 Stanley is having a midlife crisis. 110 00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:16,817 Stanley is way past the middle of his life, 111 00:05:16,901 --> 00:05:18,712 especially considering his height-to-weight ratio. 112 00:05:18,736 --> 00:05:21,280 Well, apparently, he and his wife 113 00:05:21,363 --> 00:05:23,991 were out dancing at a club for young people. 114 00:05:24,074 --> 00:05:25,659 Teri's out of town, Michael. 115 00:05:25,868 --> 00:05:27,912 Who? Stanley's wife, Teri. 116 00:05:27,995 --> 00:05:30,831 She's at an interior decorating expo in Philly. 117 00:05:31,040 --> 00:05:35,794 And Stanley hates crowds, kids and music. I think you should check your facts. 118 00:05:43,093 --> 00:05:46,430 You stupid son of a bitch. You set me up. 119 00:05:46,597 --> 00:05:47,616 What are you talking about? 120 00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:49,266 Stanley's wife is out of town. 121 00:05:49,350 --> 00:05:50,351 He was with somebody. 122 00:05:50,434 --> 00:05:51,578 He was definitely with someone. 123 00:05:51,602 --> 00:05:54,104 Oh! Was he? Well, who? His sister? 124 00:05:54,230 --> 00:05:55,356 (Laughs) 125 00:05:55,439 --> 00:05:56,607 I don't get it! 126 00:05:57,107 --> 00:05:59,902 If that was his sister, then what they were doing was totally illegal. 127 00:06:01,111 --> 00:06:02,112 Drugs? 128 00:06:03,489 --> 00:06:04,698 Making out. 129 00:06:10,454 --> 00:06:11,789 Okay. 130 00:06:16,460 --> 00:06:17,962 Okay. No, it's okay. 131 00:06:18,921 --> 00:06:20,089 Never mind. Carry on. 132 00:06:20,548 --> 00:06:22,216 (Whispering) Stanley is having an affair. 133 00:06:22,424 --> 00:06:23,551 What? I know. 134 00:06:23,634 --> 00:06:24,635 (Inaudible) 135 00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:28,556 Michael: I am very happy right now, thrilled perhaps, to be a part of the office, 136 00:06:28,639 --> 00:06:30,307 to be a part of the conversation. 137 00:06:30,391 --> 00:06:34,019 When you have somebody's attention, and their eyes are lighting up 138 00:06:34,103 --> 00:06:36,855 because they are very interested in what you have to say, 139 00:06:36,939 --> 00:06:38,065 that is a great feeling. 140 00:06:38,148 --> 00:06:40,526 And I experienced that firsthand today. 141 00:06:40,609 --> 00:06:43,737 It is wonderful to be the center of attention. 142 00:06:43,821 --> 00:06:46,115 Michael: That and that are the same letter. 143 00:06:46,198 --> 00:06:47,866 Kevin: Q. 144 00:06:47,950 --> 00:06:49,743 No. No. 145 00:06:49,827 --> 00:06:51,537 Okay. He's holding a pencil. 146 00:06:51,662 --> 00:06:54,123 He could be doing a crossword puzzle with that pencil. 147 00:06:54,248 --> 00:06:57,835 What's that letter, right there? Same letter here and here. 148 00:06:57,960 --> 00:06:59,670 What haven't you guessed? T. 149 00:06:59,878 --> 00:07:04,633 T! Yes! Yes! That is a t. 150 00:07:04,717 --> 00:07:09,638 And there's another one right there. Just sound that out. You're almost there. 151 00:07:10,514 --> 00:07:13,809 Hey, Stanley, where are you going, big guy? Up to no good? 152 00:07:13,892 --> 00:07:15,996 I'm meeting a client. Do you have a problem with that? 153 00:07:16,020 --> 00:07:19,189 No, no, no, no, no. I just had a quick question for you. 154 00:07:19,273 --> 00:07:24,069 I'm casting a movie and I'm looking for a woman who can dance, beautiful woman. 155 00:07:24,153 --> 00:07:25,279 Do you know anybody? 156 00:07:25,696 --> 00:07:26,739 Goodbye. 157 00:07:26,822 --> 00:07:29,825 Pays 5 million dollars. Nudity required. 158 00:07:30,367 --> 00:07:31,410 You have to stop this. 159 00:07:31,493 --> 00:07:33,513 (Whispering) Did you hear that Stanley's having an affair? 160 00:07:33,537 --> 00:07:36,123 (Whispering) I did. From you. You got to stop telling people. 161 00:07:36,206 --> 00:07:39,835 Okay. I get it. You feel out of the loop and you feel sorry for yourself, 162 00:07:39,918 --> 00:07:42,147 and it's really sad because everybody thinks you're a loser. 163 00:07:42,171 --> 00:07:44,298 Do you even know if it's true? Do you have any idea? 164 00:07:44,381 --> 00:07:47,009 Because you might be ruining his life. 165 00:07:53,223 --> 00:07:55,934 Hold up! Hold up! Hold up! No, no, no, no! 166 00:07:56,018 --> 00:07:57,019 (Honhng) 167 00:07:57,102 --> 00:07:59,229 It's time to stop being polite and get real! 168 00:07:59,563 --> 00:08:01,607 Stanley, you having an affair? 169 00:08:02,941 --> 00:08:06,654 That is ridiculous. Of course not. Why would you think that? 170 00:08:06,737 --> 00:08:08,947 So it's not true. Okay. Well... 171 00:08:10,407 --> 00:08:11,659 (Sighing) Oh! 172 00:08:11,742 --> 00:08:15,412 Those interns, they told me they saw you at the club, 173 00:08:15,663 --> 00:08:17,289 and they all said it was you. 174 00:08:17,373 --> 00:08:23,045 It was clearly just racial profiling gossip. Thelflfle_. 175 00:08:23,128 --> 00:08:26,256 Damn! I told her it was a stupid idea... 176 00:08:26,340 --> 00:08:28,342 It's so stupid. To go up in that club. 177 00:08:28,425 --> 00:08:32,096 It's just that Teri's been traveling a lot lately. 178 00:08:32,179 --> 00:08:34,682 I know. I know. It's been lonely. 179 00:08:34,765 --> 00:08:36,266 Oh, I bet. I... 180 00:08:36,392 --> 00:08:38,477 Cynthia's been keeping me company. 181 00:08:38,602 --> 00:08:42,147 She was my nurse when I was in rehabilitation. 182 00:08:42,314 --> 00:08:45,776 We used to go on these long walks on the treadmill. 183 00:08:47,903 --> 00:08:49,321 I didn't intend... 184 00:08:49,405 --> 00:08:51,740 Wait, wait, wait. 185 00:08:53,075 --> 00:08:54,118 So it is true? 186 00:08:54,201 --> 00:08:56,012 Yeah, but Michael, I'm going to go break it off. 187 00:08:56,036 --> 00:08:57,263 That's where I'm headed right now. I swear. 188 00:08:57,287 --> 00:08:59,039 Oh, my god. Wait a second. 189 00:08:59,123 --> 00:09:03,252 Do people often say they're going on sales calls and then go some place else? 190 00:09:03,335 --> 00:09:04,378 Because that's not cool. 191 00:09:04,461 --> 00:09:09,133 I just need you to promise not to say a word about this to anyone. 192 00:09:09,591 --> 00:09:10,591 Michael, please. 193 00:09:10,634 --> 00:09:12,428 I'm not saying a damn thing. 194 00:09:12,511 --> 00:09:13,887 I'm counting on you, Michael. 195 00:09:13,971 --> 00:09:15,472 Okay. You can count on me. 196 00:09:20,144 --> 00:09:21,228 Oh, that smells good. 197 00:09:21,395 --> 00:09:24,648 Yeah, I might have extra. It just depends on how many I eat. 198 00:09:24,732 --> 00:09:26,775 Did you hear about Angela? That's pretty weird. 199 00:09:26,859 --> 00:09:30,320 Yeah. What do you mean exactly? 200 00:09:30,612 --> 00:09:35,492 Well, the fact that she apparently is dating an 81-year-old billionaire. 201 00:09:35,868 --> 00:09:37,578 Owns a quiznos on the turnpike. 202 00:09:38,245 --> 00:09:39,788 Really? Uh-huh. 203 00:09:40,164 --> 00:09:41,915 (Exclaiming) Right? 204 00:09:41,999 --> 00:09:45,335 How do you UN-tell something? You can't. 205 00:09:46,170 --> 00:09:48,338 You can't put words back in your mouth. 206 00:09:48,422 --> 00:09:53,135 What you can do is spread false gossip, 207 00:09:53,677 --> 00:09:56,847 so that people think that everything that's been said is untrue, 208 00:09:57,097 --> 00:09:59,516 including "Stanley is having an affair." 209 00:10:01,226 --> 00:10:04,938 It's like the end of Spartacus. I've seen that movie half a dozen times, 210 00:10:05,314 --> 00:10:07,733 and I still don't know who the real Spartacus is. 211 00:10:08,066 --> 00:10:11,820 And that is what makes that movie a classic whodunnit. 212 00:10:12,696 --> 00:10:14,376 Kelly has an eating disorder? Michael: Yes. 213 00:10:14,406 --> 00:10:15,449 She always eats my lunch. 214 00:10:15,532 --> 00:10:18,660 Anorexia. She's an anorexitic. 215 00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:20,078 We should do something. 216 00:10:20,162 --> 00:10:21,288 Nothing can be done. 217 00:10:21,371 --> 00:10:24,374 Just have to tell everybody and hope for the best, I guess. 218 00:10:25,626 --> 00:10:29,254 I'm worried about Erin because she's not a very good worker. 219 00:10:29,338 --> 00:10:30,899 I don't know how long she's going to last here. 220 00:10:30,923 --> 00:10:33,801 Really? Yeah. So... 221 00:10:34,009 --> 00:10:36,261 And Andy is gay. 222 00:10:36,386 --> 00:10:38,055 Mmm-hmm. Andy Bernard? 223 00:10:38,388 --> 00:10:40,766 (Whispering) Did you hear Pam is pregnant? 224 00:10:41,517 --> 00:10:42,851 Yeah. (Whispering) Really? 225 00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:46,146 She's going to hate being a mom. 226 00:10:48,524 --> 00:10:50,150 (Kevin chuckling) 227 00:10:53,362 --> 00:10:54,947 Tea. What? 228 00:10:56,031 --> 00:10:57,741 You would. So? 229 00:10:58,242 --> 00:11:01,578 Lhketea. Oh, lbetyouhkeit 230 00:11:01,662 --> 00:11:06,458 yeah. Lhkeitalot llovetea. 231 00:11:06,542 --> 00:11:09,670 Do you like it as much as you like men's butts? 232 00:11:09,795 --> 00:11:12,756 Because you're gay. What? 233 00:11:14,758 --> 00:11:20,097 Who told you that? Was it broccoli Rob? Someone from chi psi? 234 00:11:20,597 --> 00:11:22,477 Or did you run into someone from my high school? 235 00:11:22,724 --> 00:11:26,436 This is not the first time rumors about me being gay have come up. 236 00:11:27,104 --> 00:11:28,355 Twice before, actually. 237 00:11:29,690 --> 00:11:34,236 Just a weird coincidence. It's a little too weird. 238 00:11:35,529 --> 00:11:37,322 (Chuckles nervously) 239 00:11:37,614 --> 00:11:40,534 Almost makes you wonder if it's not a coincidence at all. Whoa! 240 00:11:41,493 --> 00:11:42,911 Which it is, of course. 241 00:11:44,621 --> 00:11:46,164 But it makes you wonder. 242 00:11:47,124 --> 00:11:50,460 Did you hear the rumor about me, that I'm gay? 243 00:11:50,711 --> 00:11:52,588 I did, yes. 244 00:11:53,297 --> 00:11:55,299 What? And? 245 00:11:57,134 --> 00:12:01,221 Do you think it's true? Do you think that I'm gay? 246 00:12:01,638 --> 00:12:02,866 Are you attracted to other men? 247 00:12:02,890 --> 00:12:04,224 (Scoffing) 248 00:12:07,978 --> 00:12:09,938 But let me kick you a scenario. 249 00:12:10,147 --> 00:12:14,443 I'm at, like, a beach cabana and Brad Pitt approaches, 250 00:12:14,651 --> 00:12:16,194 tries to lean in and kiss me. 251 00:12:18,363 --> 00:12:24,161 I would definitely resist, like, at first, but if he was persistent, 252 00:12:24,995 --> 00:12:29,666 I might give in a little bit to just sort of see what it felt like. 253 00:12:30,125 --> 00:12:35,797 Would I push him away? How hard? Like, what if he's, like, really aggressive? 254 00:12:35,964 --> 00:12:41,887 If you resisted Brad Pitt a little bit, he would still need to get to you? 255 00:12:41,970 --> 00:12:46,141 This is not real Brad Pitt, this is, like, in my... this is my fantasy. 256 00:12:46,350 --> 00:12:50,228 Or it's, like, not fantasy, it's, like, what I'm... it's just a scenario. 257 00:12:50,687 --> 00:12:56,860 Well, I wish I could help you. I don't... You might be gay. You might be gay. 258 00:12:59,237 --> 00:13:01,698 Oscar: What exactly is my responsibility here? 259 00:13:01,782 --> 00:13:04,284 To comfort insecure heterosexual men? 260 00:13:04,368 --> 00:13:06,370 That can't possibly fall to me. 261 00:13:06,578 --> 00:13:07,680 Phyllis: (Softly) How far along is Pam? 262 00:13:07,704 --> 00:13:09,349 A few months. That's why they're rushing the wedding. 263 00:13:09,373 --> 00:13:12,542 (Softly) Guys, guys, guys, you can't believe everything you hear. 264 00:13:12,626 --> 00:13:14,795 Like Stanley having an affair. 265 00:13:14,878 --> 00:13:17,881 That is crazy. There's no stock in it. 266 00:13:18,256 --> 00:13:21,093 It's a weird day for false facts. Just let it go. 267 00:13:21,635 --> 00:13:27,182 Okay, everybody, big day. Last day for our interns. Lot of other stuff. 268 00:13:27,557 --> 00:13:31,603 Who knows what to believe? Dwight, the honors. 269 00:13:33,021 --> 00:13:38,068 Present these to the Dean for credit. And as a gift, I've attached my card. 270 00:13:38,151 --> 00:13:40,195 Call me any time of the day or night. 271 00:13:40,570 --> 00:13:41,822 Why would we call you at night? 272 00:13:42,781 --> 00:13:45,325 Well, now you can't call me at all, so problem solved. 273 00:13:45,450 --> 00:13:47,011 You're going to regret that when you find yourself 274 00:13:47,035 --> 00:13:49,079 between a moose and her cubs at night. 275 00:13:49,371 --> 00:13:52,332 Look to the intern on your left. Now to your right. 276 00:13:52,582 --> 00:13:56,294 One of you will do exceedingly well in business, just unlimited potential. 277 00:13:56,962 --> 00:13:59,923 One of you will make a living and nothing more. 278 00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:03,969 And one of you will make a great mother. 279 00:14:05,470 --> 00:14:08,640 It's up to you to choose which you want to be. 280 00:14:10,809 --> 00:14:12,561 I am so happy you're eating again. 281 00:14:12,644 --> 00:14:13,895 Me, too. 282 00:14:14,104 --> 00:14:16,440 Tuna, how come you never try to set me up? 283 00:14:16,732 --> 00:14:19,776 I don't really do that. But Pam might have some friends, though. 284 00:14:20,027 --> 00:14:21,528 Women friends? Yeah. 285 00:14:21,862 --> 00:14:23,113 Not guy friends? 286 00:14:23,447 --> 00:14:25,699 Are you interested in her guy friends? 287 00:14:25,782 --> 00:14:28,452 No. I mean, for the record, I prefer women. 288 00:14:28,577 --> 00:14:31,705 Okay. But off the record, I'm kind of confused. 289 00:14:31,955 --> 00:14:32,998 Really? 290 00:14:33,123 --> 00:14:36,209 Yeah, the evidence is sort of stacked against me, I feel like. 291 00:14:36,334 --> 00:14:38,503 Well, you've got to figure this out. Yeah, right? 292 00:14:38,587 --> 00:14:39,755 How? Yeah. 293 00:14:39,838 --> 00:14:41,590 You've got to have sex with a woman. 294 00:14:41,673 --> 00:14:42,716 Righto. 295 00:14:42,799 --> 00:14:44,718 And then a man. And then compare. 296 00:14:44,801 --> 00:14:45,802 Oh! 297 00:14:48,096 --> 00:14:49,097 All right. 298 00:14:49,431 --> 00:14:50,431 Well, hey. Yep. 299 00:14:50,474 --> 00:14:52,684 Congratulations to you. On what? 300 00:14:52,809 --> 00:14:54,436 (Chuckles) Come on. 301 00:14:54,978 --> 00:14:59,149 Little baby tuna. Little junior toro. 302 00:15:01,818 --> 00:15:04,905 You know, a baby conceived out of wedlock is still a bastard. 303 00:15:05,822 --> 00:15:06,990 What? 304 00:15:07,074 --> 00:15:08,158 Want me to say it again? 305 00:15:08,241 --> 00:15:09,785 Why did that come into your brain? 306 00:15:09,868 --> 00:15:11,328 Can I talk to you for a second? 307 00:15:13,163 --> 00:15:14,581 So, they know. 308 00:15:14,915 --> 00:15:17,018 Who did you tell? I didn't tell anyone. Who did you tell? 309 00:15:17,042 --> 00:15:18,210 Nobody. 310 00:15:18,293 --> 00:15:22,130 Hey, did one of you tell Stanley that I have asthma? Because I don't. 311 00:15:22,214 --> 00:15:24,466 If it gets out they won't let me scuba. 312 00:15:24,549 --> 00:15:28,053 If I can't scuba, then what's this all been about? 313 00:15:28,136 --> 00:15:29,513 What am I working toward? 314 00:15:29,638 --> 00:15:33,141 What? You think I'm the voice of the taco bell dog? 315 00:15:33,892 --> 00:15:37,896 What are you guys talking about? I have a daughter. How could I be a virgin? 316 00:15:38,188 --> 00:15:41,274 Hey, has everyone heard a crazy rumor about themselves today? 317 00:15:41,358 --> 00:15:42,484 All: Yes. 318 00:15:42,567 --> 00:15:45,112 Yeah, yeah! You know what, let's discredit these rumors. 319 00:15:45,195 --> 00:15:47,322 Yeah, sure, but who's been saying all that stuff? 320 00:15:47,405 --> 00:15:50,575 It's not important, Jim. I just think we shouldn't listen to any of this crap. 321 00:15:50,659 --> 00:15:52,459 Sure, but we should get to the bottom of this. 322 00:15:52,536 --> 00:15:54,639 Let's pick a rumor and trace it back to the beginning. 323 00:15:54,663 --> 00:15:56,373 I need to do mine first. 324 00:15:56,748 --> 00:16:00,252 Who's been saying that there's another person inside of me 325 00:16:00,544 --> 00:16:02,587 working me with controls? 326 00:16:02,796 --> 00:16:05,090 I heard that from Andy. 327 00:16:05,340 --> 00:16:06,633 I heard it from Erin. 328 00:16:06,716 --> 00:16:07,759 Kevin: What? 329 00:16:07,843 --> 00:16:09,511 I heard it from Michael. 330 00:16:10,345 --> 00:16:11,346 Michael. 331 00:16:13,265 --> 00:16:14,266 Pam: Michael? 332 00:16:15,475 --> 00:16:16,643 He's over here. 333 00:16:17,394 --> 00:16:18,812 Where are you going? Nowhere. 334 00:16:19,062 --> 00:16:20,188 Michael. Hmm? 335 00:16:23,733 --> 00:16:26,695 You told people that I use store-bought manure, 336 00:16:27,821 --> 00:16:31,366 when I showed you where my manure comes from. 337 00:16:31,992 --> 00:16:33,910 Hmm? Hmm? 338 00:16:34,452 --> 00:16:36,329 Don't get on it. Michael, don't. 339 00:16:36,413 --> 00:16:39,166 Pam: Don't get on. Do not. Kevin: Michael, no. 340 00:16:39,249 --> 00:16:40,500 Michael. Stay, Michael. 341 00:16:40,584 --> 00:16:42,294 Stay. Step away. 342 00:16:42,377 --> 00:16:43,920 Andy: Come on, boss. Phyllis: No. No. 343 00:16:46,298 --> 00:16:48,717 Okay, I made it all up. Kelly: What? 344 00:16:49,134 --> 00:16:50,510 Even the fact that I'm gay? 345 00:16:50,594 --> 00:16:52,262 Yes! Yes. 346 00:16:52,512 --> 00:16:55,599 But, guys, I'm a victim here, too. Okay? 347 00:16:55,682 --> 00:16:57,851 People have been saying that I'm a j.Crew model. 348 00:16:58,101 --> 00:16:59,853 No, we heard that about Jim. 349 00:16:59,936 --> 00:17:04,024 Jim? No, no, I spread the rumor that somebody here was a j.Crew model 350 00:17:04,107 --> 00:17:05,442 and I was referring to myself. 351 00:17:05,609 --> 00:17:06,735 How is that a bad rumor? 352 00:17:06,818 --> 00:17:10,739 Because a lot of people think that models, even though they're very attractive, 353 00:17:10,822 --> 00:17:14,326 are somewhat vapid. It's set our industry back quite a bit. 354 00:17:14,451 --> 00:17:18,455 Michael, why? Why say all these things? Why make up an eating disorder, 355 00:17:18,663 --> 00:17:21,208 Stanley's affair, me being a spokesdog? 356 00:17:21,291 --> 00:17:23,210 You told everyone I was having an affair? 357 00:17:23,293 --> 00:17:25,045 Okay, okay, here's the thing. 358 00:17:26,129 --> 00:17:30,842 There was one true rumor out there today. I didn't want everybody to know what it was, 359 00:17:30,967 --> 00:17:34,221 so all of you are off the hook except for this one person. 360 00:17:34,596 --> 00:17:36,556 Well, then what's the one true rumor? 361 00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:37,974 We have a right to know. 362 00:17:38,183 --> 00:17:40,936 Michael, am I gay? 363 00:17:41,811 --> 00:17:46,274 The one true rumor, and this is going to ruin this person's life, is that... 364 00:17:46,358 --> 00:17:47,359 That Pam's pregnant. 365 00:17:47,525 --> 00:17:49,694 Angela: I knew it, I knew it. I knew it! 366 00:17:49,903 --> 00:17:53,615 Her breasts were a tiny bit bigger. At first, I thought, 367 00:17:53,823 --> 00:17:56,117 "oh! She has a new bra with padding." 368 00:17:56,201 --> 00:17:59,996 But then I thought, "Pam doesn't need padding." 369 00:18:00,330 --> 00:18:01,831 It just didn't add up, Jim. 370 00:18:01,915 --> 00:18:03,166 Okay, thank you. 371 00:18:03,250 --> 00:18:04,251 Phyllis: Congratulations! 372 00:18:04,334 --> 00:18:06,354 Erin: That's really great, you guys. Ryan: Don't vaccinate it. 373 00:18:06,378 --> 00:18:07,879 Dwight: Who's the father? Jim. 374 00:18:07,963 --> 00:18:09,506 Creed: How far along? Jim: Four months. 375 00:18:09,965 --> 00:18:11,424 Who's the ob-gyn? Stop. Don't. 376 00:18:11,508 --> 00:18:16,930 All right, you know, this is not the truth and you can't fail on the sword this way. 377 00:18:17,347 --> 00:18:20,976 The real thing is that Stanley Hudson had an affair. 378 00:18:21,059 --> 00:18:22,394 Yes. 379 00:18:22,477 --> 00:18:23,579 Thank you for trying to defend us, 380 00:18:23,603 --> 00:18:25,605 but actually Pam is pregnant and we can prove it. 381 00:18:25,730 --> 00:18:27,166 Yes. If everybody would like to see the proof. 382 00:18:27,190 --> 00:18:28,650 Wanna... okay. Okay. 383 00:18:29,693 --> 00:18:30,836 We're just going to wait here? 384 00:18:30,860 --> 00:18:32,153 What's the proof, I mean... 385 00:18:32,362 --> 00:18:34,114 (Indistinct chatter) 386 00:18:35,073 --> 00:18:37,534 (All exclaiming) 387 00:18:37,617 --> 00:18:40,453 It's true! Pam, look at that! 388 00:18:41,162 --> 00:18:43,665 That is the inside of your vagina. 389 00:18:43,748 --> 00:18:45,500 That's not how it works but... 390 00:18:45,583 --> 00:18:50,547 It's clear why we were trying not to tell people. That's clear now. Yeah. 391 00:18:55,927 --> 00:18:57,721 How long have you known about the pregnancy? 392 00:18:59,389 --> 00:19:02,392 A week? A month? A year? 393 00:19:03,184 --> 00:19:05,020 Michael, we only told our parents last week. 394 00:19:05,228 --> 00:19:06,730 Did you pee on a stick? 395 00:19:06,813 --> 00:19:09,399 I did. But it was inconclusive. 396 00:19:10,150 --> 00:19:12,110 You should have told me. 397 00:19:13,403 --> 00:19:14,571 You're right. 398 00:19:14,863 --> 00:19:17,574 We should have realized that you are an equal part of this. 399 00:19:17,824 --> 00:19:19,367 (Phone ringing) 400 00:19:20,118 --> 00:19:21,119 Yes. 401 00:19:21,202 --> 00:19:23,042 Erin: Michael, Teri Hudson returning your call. 402 00:19:23,079 --> 00:19:24,122 (Gasps) 403 00:19:24,205 --> 00:19:25,665 You called Stanley's wife? 404 00:19:25,749 --> 00:19:27,125 Oh! Oh! 405 00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:30,420 Yeah, a long time ago. Just to make sure she was out of town. 406 00:19:30,754 --> 00:19:32,130 Oh, god. Don't take it. 407 00:19:32,380 --> 00:19:34,424 No, I have to take it or it'll seem suspicious. 408 00:19:34,507 --> 00:19:36,694 If you talk to her, you're going to tell her about Stanley 409 00:19:36,718 --> 00:19:38,070 and that's going to seem more suspicious. 410 00:19:38,094 --> 00:19:39,971 No, no, no, I can do this. You can't do this. 411 00:19:40,055 --> 00:19:44,726 Yes, I can. I am going to tell her that I need to redecorate my condo 412 00:19:44,809 --> 00:19:45,852 and I need her help. 413 00:19:45,935 --> 00:19:48,855 We will haggle about money, and I will back down, 414 00:19:48,938 --> 00:19:52,025 and then I won't talk to her until this whole Cynthia thing has blown over. 415 00:19:52,108 --> 00:19:53,210 Jim: Sounds terrible. We think you should... 416 00:19:53,234 --> 00:19:54,420 Michael, please don't. (Clearing throat) 417 00:19:54,444 --> 00:19:56,071 Hey, what up, Cynthia? 418 00:20:03,370 --> 00:20:04,746 Just hang on a second, Cynthia. 419 00:20:14,631 --> 00:20:17,384 Well, it turns out that Teri was already suspicious 420 00:20:17,467 --> 00:20:21,471 because she had caught Stanley and Cynthia a few months ago. 421 00:20:21,805 --> 00:20:26,684 So Stanley promised that he would stop, and he did. End of story. 422 00:20:26,768 --> 00:20:28,812 Well, not exactly. 423 00:20:28,895 --> 00:20:30,438 (Indistinct screaming) 424 00:20:30,522 --> 00:20:32,107 Cynthia kept calling him. 425 00:20:32,190 --> 00:20:35,235 She would not stop calling him, and she was in love with him. 426 00:20:35,318 --> 00:20:38,029 And get this. Cynthia, also married. 427 00:20:38,321 --> 00:20:42,575 So, you can't stop love, I guess. 428 00:20:42,992 --> 00:20:47,080 And quite frankly, I don't think you should ever even try. 429 00:20:51,459 --> 00:20:56,506 I learned that a company can describe their internship as full of exciting experiences, 430 00:20:57,006 --> 00:20:59,843 even if that's a lie. There's no regulation. 431 00:21:00,176 --> 00:21:03,430 I learned that half these people's e-mail password is "password." 432 00:21:03,847 --> 00:21:07,058 I learned that a ream of paper is 300 sheets. 433 00:21:07,142 --> 00:21:08,518 I thought it was 500. 434 00:21:09,894 --> 00:21:10,937 Oh! 435 00:21:11,146 --> 00:21:13,106 I guess I didn't learn anything. 436 00:21:14,524 --> 00:21:17,193 I learned that if you look even the tiniest bit like jet li, 437 00:21:17,735 --> 00:21:20,447 Michael will call you jet li all summer. 438 00:21:20,655 --> 00:21:22,866 Julia stiles. Alan thicke.