1
00:00:04,046 --> 00:00:05,606
Could you please sign
my expense report?

2
00:00:05,673 --> 00:00:08,676
No way, no how. Expense
reports are a day-to-day item.

3
00:00:08,759 --> 00:00:12,763
That is Jim's now. I am
exclusively big picture. Epic.

4
00:00:21,105 --> 00:00:22,857
Sign this. Uh-uh-uh.

5
00:00:22,940 --> 00:00:24,859
Where's the please?
We're not animals.

6
00:00:24,942 --> 00:00:26,444
Sign it.

7
00:00:26,527 --> 00:00:27,862
No. Not without a please.

8
00:00:29,322 --> 00:00:30,531
Idiot.

9
00:00:34,577 --> 00:00:35,828
I have a complaint about Jim.

10
00:00:35,912 --> 00:00:37,955
That is not big picture.

11
00:00:38,456 --> 00:00:43,377
I would like to file a huge,
enormous, massive complaint

12
00:00:43,461 --> 00:00:46,255
about the tallest guy
in our office.

13
00:00:51,719 --> 00:00:52,845
Okay.

14
00:00:53,638 --> 00:00:55,389
Jim won't sign
my expense report.

15
00:00:55,473 --> 00:00:57,558
That is not... okay. Day-to-day.

16
00:00:57,642 --> 00:00:59,310
That is day-to-day.
No. That is huge.

17
00:00:59,393 --> 00:01:02,980
You're trying to trick me. Get out,
get out, get out, get out, get out.

18
00:01:06,442 --> 00:01:07,944
I'd like to lodge a complaint.

19
00:01:08,027 --> 00:01:10,196
I'm sorry to hear about that.
Who is this about?

20
00:01:10,321 --> 00:01:11,447
Okay. You.

21
00:01:11,530 --> 00:01:14,116
Just want to let you know I
take complaints very seriously,

22
00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:16,619
so, when did this happen?

23
00:01:16,702 --> 00:01:17,745
One minute ago.

24
00:01:17,828 --> 00:01:20,081
Okay. And how do you feel?

25
00:01:20,164 --> 00:01:21,164
Angry.

26
00:01:21,249 --> 00:01:23,167
All right. Did he hit you? No.

27
00:01:23,251 --> 00:01:24,919
Did you cry? No.

28
00:01:25,044 --> 00:01:26,379
Did you feel like crying? No.

29
00:01:26,462 --> 00:01:29,173
I'm just going to write,
"held back tears."

30
00:01:29,257 --> 00:01:31,425
Wait, stop writing that.
That is not true.

31
00:01:31,509 --> 00:01:32,736
If you stop crying,
I'll stop writing it.

32
00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:33,844
I'm not...

33
00:01:35,304 --> 00:01:38,057
I deserved that
promotion. Not Jim.

34
00:01:38,140 --> 00:01:42,144
Oh, man, makes me want to
put him in a triangle choke hold

35
00:01:42,228 --> 00:01:44,355
and force him down to the ground

36
00:01:44,438 --> 00:01:46,482
and just keep
pressing and pressing,

37
00:01:46,565 --> 00:01:51,320
and then flip him over and then put
him in a hammerlock and he's gasping.

38
00:01:51,404 --> 00:01:53,406
He's panting for
every last breath.

39
00:01:53,489 --> 00:01:57,868
And the crowd is going crazy
and boom, I emerge victorious!

40
00:01:59,120 --> 00:02:01,914
Eighteen thousand dollars
and a chance at the title!

41
00:02:03,582 --> 00:02:06,252
Dwight, Jim wants you
to keep it down.

42
00:02:41,078 --> 00:02:43,289
Everyone, now would be
a good time to freshen up

43
00:02:43,372 --> 00:02:44,665
because I'd like
everyone to meet

44
00:02:44,749 --> 00:02:46,292
in the conference room
in five minutes.

45
00:02:46,375 --> 00:02:47,769
And I suggest that
you bring a snack

46
00:02:47,793 --> 00:02:49,271
because we may be
in there for a while.

47
00:02:49,295 --> 00:02:50,296
Michael. Yes.

48
00:02:50,421 --> 00:02:52,065
Can I talk to you in my
office for a second? Mmm...

49
00:02:52,089 --> 00:02:55,217
Sure. But could I first
talk to you in my office?

50
00:02:58,095 --> 00:03:00,056
Can I also be a boss?

51
00:03:00,139 --> 00:03:01,616
Look, it doesn't
take a genius to know

52
00:03:01,640 --> 00:03:05,019
that any organization thrives
when it has two leaders.

53
00:03:06,062 --> 00:03:08,397
Go ahead, name a country that
doesn't have two presidents.

54
00:03:08,481 --> 00:03:11,233
A boat that set sail
without two captains.

55
00:03:11,317 --> 00:03:14,195
Where would catholicism be
without the popes?

56
00:03:14,278 --> 00:03:15,696
I have noticed that we...

57
00:03:15,780 --> 00:03:17,114
Welcome.

58
00:03:17,198 --> 00:03:18,878
Thank you. I have
noticed we've been having

59
00:03:18,991 --> 00:03:20,993
a lot of conference room
meetings. Mmm-hmm.

60
00:03:21,077 --> 00:03:24,205
And I'm wondering if
perhaps those are a bit...

61
00:03:24,288 --> 00:03:25,414
Disruptive. Yes.

62
00:03:25,498 --> 00:03:29,960
No. I don't think they are. I think
the meetings are very important.

63
00:03:30,044 --> 00:03:32,213
Okay. Maybe we
should talk specifics.

64
00:03:32,338 --> 00:03:33,964
Okay. Let's do.

65
00:03:34,048 --> 00:03:36,884
Yesterday we had
a meeting about planets.

66
00:03:36,967 --> 00:03:41,764
Well, to be fair,
Jim, James... jimothy.

67
00:03:42,431 --> 00:03:45,434
To be fair, jimothy...
That sounds weird.

68
00:03:45,518 --> 00:03:46,661
Are you okay with
being called Jim?

69
00:03:46,685 --> 00:03:47,853
I am. All right.

70
00:03:47,937 --> 00:03:49,188
Jim, to be fair,

71
00:03:49,271 --> 00:03:50,624
the conversation
wasn't about planets.

72
00:03:50,648 --> 00:03:51,649
Right.

73
00:03:51,732 --> 00:03:53,275
At first, we were talking about

74
00:03:53,359 --> 00:03:55,820
introducing a line
of toilet paper.

75
00:03:55,903 --> 00:03:57,089
And what part of the human body

76
00:03:57,113 --> 00:03:59,824
does one use toilet paper upon?

77
00:04:00,366 --> 00:04:03,202
So you draw a line from
there to the other planets,

78
00:04:03,285 --> 00:04:04,765
and I think by the
end, we all learned

79
00:04:04,829 --> 00:04:06,580
a little bit about
how small we are.

80
00:04:06,664 --> 00:04:07,832
Yes, I agree. I just feel...

81
00:04:07,915 --> 00:04:09,166
Becauseits a big universe.

82
00:04:09,250 --> 00:04:12,545
And we're all just little
tiny specks of dust.

83
00:04:12,628 --> 00:04:16,090
I just think that maybe they're
eating large amounts of the day.

84
00:04:16,173 --> 00:04:18,384
You know what eats a large
amount of the day are naps.

85
00:04:18,467 --> 00:04:20,678
You go to sleep, it's light
out, you wake up, it's dark.

86
00:04:20,761 --> 00:04:24,598
That's the whole day. Where
did that day go? I have no idea.

87
00:04:25,558 --> 00:04:27,435
You mean on a weekend?

88
00:04:28,519 --> 00:04:29,603
Yes.

89
00:04:30,688 --> 00:04:32,398
How about this?
I think our goal should be

90
00:04:32,481 --> 00:04:35,234
we don't have meetings unless
they're absolutely essential.

91
00:04:35,317 --> 00:04:37,987
All right. No more
meetings this week.

92
00:04:38,070 --> 00:04:40,739
Really? You just agree to that?

93
00:04:40,823 --> 00:04:42,450
I can be very surprising.

94
00:04:49,457 --> 00:04:50,624
What's going on?

95
00:04:50,708 --> 00:04:53,210
I need to fit into
my wedding dress.

96
00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:55,337
However, I'm also pregnant.

97
00:04:59,216 --> 00:05:00,777
You know, it's a myth
that women have to gain

98
00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:03,053
more than nine pounds
in a pregnancy.

99
00:05:03,137 --> 00:05:06,348
Look at these actresses.
Some of them lose weight.

100
00:05:07,766 --> 00:05:09,977
Hey, did you guys register
for wedding gifts?

101
00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:13,147
We did, but mostly because
people expect us to.

102
00:05:14,023 --> 00:05:17,693
We're also accepting
other gifts not on the registry.

103
00:05:19,778 --> 00:05:21,155
However much.

104
00:05:21,238 --> 00:05:25,284
It's awkward asking people for
money. But we could really use it.

105
00:05:26,494 --> 00:05:30,873
Why doesn't crate and barrel let
you register for a toaster full of cash?

106
00:05:30,956 --> 00:05:32,625
Perfect. I hate registries.

107
00:05:32,708 --> 00:05:33,751
Oh, good.

108
00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:37,796
My cousin makes the most amazing
romantic birdhouse mailboxes.

109
00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:41,175
I know I shouldn't tell you, but you'll
still be surprised when you see it.

110
00:05:41,258 --> 00:05:43,469
You're not registered
for a birdhouse, are you?

111
00:05:43,552 --> 00:05:45,012
No, we're not.

112
00:05:45,095 --> 00:05:46,514
Good. Good.

113
00:05:51,227 --> 00:05:52,978
Michael: Mmm-hmm.

114
00:05:54,104 --> 00:05:55,898
Jim: Okay. I thought
I saw people missing.

115
00:05:55,981 --> 00:05:59,985
Yeah. Just focus grouping a
product expansion idea to these folks.

116
00:06:00,110 --> 00:06:01,570
Got one of each. Really?

117
00:06:01,654 --> 00:06:03,089
Hey, Stanley, what was
the last thing Michael said

118
00:06:03,113 --> 00:06:04,216
before I came through the door?

119
00:06:04,240 --> 00:06:05,509
Stanley, you don't
need to answer that.

120
00:06:05,533 --> 00:06:06,867
Stanley?

121
00:06:06,951 --> 00:06:08,911
"If you don't smell
this, you're fired."

122
00:06:08,994 --> 00:06:10,496
Okay, Michael,
I thought we agreed

123
00:06:10,579 --> 00:06:12,706
to not take up people's time
with meetings like these.

124
00:06:12,790 --> 00:06:15,709
What do you mean
by "these" people?

125
00:06:15,793 --> 00:06:17,270
Michael, this is a
conference room meeting.

126
00:06:17,294 --> 00:06:20,422
Oh, hey, everybody, I think
that Jim has gone insane

127
00:06:20,506 --> 00:06:23,008
because he thinks that my
office is a conference room.

128
00:06:23,092 --> 00:06:24,092
That's not what I meant.

129
00:06:24,134 --> 00:06:27,555
Listen, Jim, no offense,
but when push comes to shove,

130
00:06:27,638 --> 00:06:30,099
what I want is more
important than what you want.

131
00:06:30,182 --> 00:06:31,308
I disagree.

132
00:06:31,392 --> 00:06:32,434
What do you guys think?

133
00:06:32,518 --> 00:06:34,204
Can I go back to my desk now?

134
00:06:34,228 --> 00:06:36,289
Great. Guys, can I just have a
moment alone with Michael, please?

135
00:06:36,313 --> 00:06:37,958
No, no, no, no. You
don't need to go anywhere.

136
00:06:37,982 --> 00:06:39,567
Anything that Jim
has to say to me,

137
00:06:39,650 --> 00:06:41,819
he can say in front of
these types of people.

138
00:06:41,902 --> 00:06:43,779
That is not what I said.

139
00:06:43,862 --> 00:06:45,406
And also, I am co-manager,

140
00:06:45,489 --> 00:06:47,217
meaning you are not
the only manager anymore.

141
00:06:47,241 --> 00:06:48,576
I am also a co-manager.

142
00:06:48,659 --> 00:06:49,939
That is not what
Wallace told us.

143
00:06:49,994 --> 00:06:51,137
That's exactly what
Wallace told us.

144
00:06:51,161 --> 00:06:53,581
That is not the way I heard it.

145
00:06:53,664 --> 00:06:56,083
I love rivalries.
Michael or Jim,

146
00:06:56,166 --> 00:06:59,878
Paris or Nicole, Heidi
or I.C., it's so much fun.

147
00:06:59,962 --> 00:07:01,922
But I guess if I'm
really thinking about it,

148
00:07:02,006 --> 00:07:03,924
and answering your
question honestly,

149
00:07:04,008 --> 00:07:08,512
I'd have to go with lc. Heidi's a
bad friend and her skin is terrible.

150
00:07:08,596 --> 00:07:11,640
It is one thing me giving
you the co-manager title,

151
00:07:11,724 --> 00:07:13,851
it is another thing
you bossing me around.

152
00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:14,995
I'm not bossing you around.

153
00:07:15,019 --> 00:07:17,187
I'm trying to do my job,
which is sharing your job.

154
00:07:17,271 --> 00:07:19,106
So maybe we should
just call David Wallace.

155
00:07:19,189 --> 00:07:21,275
No, no, no. No! We will
not call David Wallace.

156
00:07:21,358 --> 00:07:22,693
I will call David Wallace.

157
00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:24,695
David Wallace is on
line two for you guys.

158
00:07:24,778 --> 00:07:27,865
Or David Wallace will call us
on line two. Why don't we just...

159
00:07:27,990 --> 00:07:29,783
Hey, David. You got
Jim here. Hey, David.

160
00:07:29,867 --> 00:07:31,994
This is Michael,
senior co-manager.

161
00:07:32,077 --> 00:07:36,624
David: Hey, guys. I'm
calling because unfortunately

162
00:07:37,041 --> 00:07:38,667
we will not be able to give out

163
00:07:38,751 --> 00:07:40,294
cost of living raises this year

164
00:07:40,377 --> 00:07:42,212
and I know people expect it.

165
00:07:42,338 --> 00:07:45,341
However, there just is only a small
amount of money for each branch.

166
00:07:45,424 --> 00:07:47,718
So, we're leaving
it up to the managers

167
00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:49,303
to decide how to distribute it.

168
00:07:49,386 --> 00:07:53,432
Got it, Dave. Sounds like
your classic big picture decision.

169
00:07:53,515 --> 00:07:56,268
Which will clearly affect the
day-to-day wellbeing of our employees.

170
00:07:56,352 --> 00:07:57,592
It's probably a little of both.

171
00:07:57,645 --> 00:07:58,687
Which is it more of?

172
00:07:58,771 --> 00:07:59,855
Excuse me? Hey, David,

173
00:07:59,938 --> 00:08:01,249
I know that I am
very new at this,

174
00:08:01,273 --> 00:08:03,335
but I have a very good
perspective on how things work...

175
00:08:03,359 --> 00:08:06,654
Wait, I'm sorry. Michael,
are you texting me?

176
00:08:08,238 --> 00:08:10,324
I thought maybe we
could talk after this is over.

177
00:08:10,407 --> 00:08:12,493
Look, I need you both
to take care of this.

178
00:08:12,576 --> 00:08:14,662
This is not going to
be a problem, is it?

179
00:08:14,745 --> 00:08:15,805
Nope, not at all.
Not at all. Nope.

180
00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:16,830
No, it will not be.

181
00:08:16,914 --> 00:08:17,974
I am on top of it. Very good.

182
00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:19,809
All right. Thanks a lot,
David. Talk to you later...

183
00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:22,586
Okay, you didn't
let me say goodbye.

184
00:08:23,962 --> 00:08:26,215
All right, I am looking
foward to this.

185
00:08:26,298 --> 00:08:27,341
You don't have to lie.

186
00:08:27,424 --> 00:08:30,010
I hate the fact that we have
to do this together.

187
00:08:30,094 --> 00:08:31,929
I think we work
much better separately.

188
00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:36,141
When I am irritated and I look
at you, I don't see you anymore.

189
00:08:36,225 --> 00:08:37,518
Right. All I can see

190
00:08:37,601 --> 00:08:39,937
is how big and gross
the pores on your nose are.

191
00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:42,231
All right. Let's get started.

192
00:08:48,612 --> 00:08:50,906
Hey, why haven't we ever...

193
00:08:50,989 --> 00:08:52,241
We have.

194
00:08:56,286 --> 00:08:57,847
You know, there's no
easy way to do this.

195
00:08:57,871 --> 00:09:01,417
I say we add 1.5%
to their paychecks

196
00:09:01,500 --> 00:09:03,377
and don't say anything about it.

197
00:09:03,460 --> 00:09:05,563
Do you mean, like, break in,
in the middle of the night

198
00:09:05,587 --> 00:09:06,856
and change the numbers
on payroll?

199
00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:08,382
No, we can do it during the day.

200
00:09:08,465 --> 00:09:09,943
It doesn't have to be
that dramatic, Jim.

201
00:09:09,967 --> 00:09:11,343
Okay.

202
00:09:11,427 --> 00:09:15,973
You know what would help is a
pros and cons list for our options.

203
00:09:16,348 --> 00:09:17,808
Jim, don't take this
the wrong way.

204
00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:19,852
Are you going to take
this the wrong way?

205
00:09:19,935 --> 00:09:20,936
It's hard to tell so far.

206
00:09:21,019 --> 00:09:22,354
You use your brain too much.

207
00:09:22,438 --> 00:09:24,290
I'm sorry, are you
advocating that I use it less?

208
00:09:24,314 --> 00:09:27,359
Sometimes the smartest
people don't think at all.

209
00:09:27,484 --> 00:09:29,295
You just came up with
that. As I was saying it.

210
00:09:29,319 --> 00:09:30,654
Yeah.

211
00:09:30,738 --> 00:09:35,284
Okay, so for the 1.5% increase,
pro, everyone gets a little bit.

212
00:09:35,367 --> 00:09:37,202
Con, youlook like a nerd.

213
00:09:37,286 --> 00:09:40,038
Con, no one gets as much
as they did last year.

214
00:09:40,122 --> 00:09:43,375
Pro, you get to share your pros
and cons list with the other nerds.

215
00:09:43,459 --> 00:09:45,252
Pro, no favoritism.

216
00:09:45,335 --> 00:09:48,213
Con, you unzip your pants
and you'll find

217
00:09:48,297 --> 00:09:50,174
that there's a
calculator down there.

218
00:09:51,633 --> 00:09:53,343
I've been studying
Michael for years

219
00:09:53,427 --> 00:09:56,555
and I've condensed what
I've learned into this chart.

220
00:09:56,638 --> 00:09:58,182
How Michael spends his time.

221
00:09:58,265 --> 00:10:01,101
As you can see, we have
procrastinating and distracting others.

222
00:10:01,185 --> 00:10:04,354
And this tiny sliver here
is critical thinking.

223
00:10:05,481 --> 00:10:07,941
I made it bigger so that
you could see it.

224
00:10:09,568 --> 00:10:14,573
Hey, Pam. I heard that you were
registered, but I didn't hear where.

225
00:10:14,782 --> 00:10:20,245
I don't think we registered
anywhere. We just want cash.

226
00:10:20,621 --> 00:10:24,833
Like money? Like,
you want my money?

227
00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:26,210
Mmm-hmm.

228
00:10:26,376 --> 00:10:28,253
Will you take a check?

229
00:10:28,796 --> 00:10:29,797
Yeah.

230
00:10:29,880 --> 00:10:30,881
Cool.

231
00:10:33,217 --> 00:10:38,305
In the memo line, I'm going to
write, "to love's eternal glory."

232
00:10:39,181 --> 00:10:40,641
Okay.

233
00:10:40,724 --> 00:10:41,934
Wait till Monday.

234
00:10:43,519 --> 00:10:48,232
Is this what I've become?
Materialistic? Shallow?

235
00:10:49,274 --> 00:10:54,238
I feel horrible. Oh,
look! "Mrs. Pam Halpert!"

236
00:10:55,405 --> 00:10:58,450
That's the first time
I've seen it in writing.

237
00:10:59,618 --> 00:11:01,095
You know what,
the more I think about it,

238
00:11:01,119 --> 00:11:04,248
the more I think we should
give it to the salesmen.

239
00:11:04,331 --> 00:11:05,582
That will not go over well.

240
00:11:05,666 --> 00:11:07,292
Yeah, I know, I just
think it seems smart

241
00:11:07,376 --> 00:11:09,002
to keep the salesmen
happier right now.

242
00:11:09,086 --> 00:11:11,255
Of course, I know this
might come off as biased,

243
00:11:11,338 --> 00:11:13,757
so you know what? Let us...

244
00:11:13,841 --> 00:11:15,259
Oh, my god,
are you going to make

245
00:11:15,342 --> 00:11:17,028
another pro and con list?
I'm going to kill myself.

246
00:11:17,052 --> 00:11:18,863
Well, I'm not going to let
you stop me from thinking.

247
00:11:18,887 --> 00:11:20,764
No, I could not do that, Jim.

248
00:11:20,848 --> 00:11:23,016
I can see it in your
crusty little eyes

249
00:11:23,100 --> 00:11:25,227
that you are going to make
everything perfect.

250
00:11:25,310 --> 00:11:28,105
"If I could just
think this through,

251
00:11:28,188 --> 00:11:30,816
"if I could just
think it exactly right,

252
00:11:30,899 --> 00:11:33,151
"I can make this perfect.

253
00:11:33,777 --> 00:11:35,737
"And then I can go
down every Avenue,

254
00:11:35,821 --> 00:11:37,823
"and every Avenue
off of that Avenue.

255
00:11:37,948 --> 00:11:39,449
"And then another
Avenue..." Michael.

256
00:11:39,533 --> 00:11:40,534
"And then another."

257
00:11:40,617 --> 00:11:41,845
Look, you have
a lot of strengths.

258
00:11:41,869 --> 00:11:43,745
Oh, I do? Tell me what they are.

259
00:11:43,829 --> 00:11:46,331
I think that you
are able to take

260
00:11:46,415 --> 00:11:47,749
constructive criticism
very well.

261
00:11:47,833 --> 00:11:50,669
Ha! That, I am not
known for that.

262
00:11:50,752 --> 00:11:52,546
But there is a reason
why I'm here.

263
00:11:52,629 --> 00:11:54,298
Yes, you went over
my head to Wallace.

264
00:11:54,381 --> 00:11:56,884
No, it's because you also have
a lot of weaknesses, Michael.

265
00:11:56,967 --> 00:12:00,721
Okay, well, why don't you
tell me what those are, Jim?

266
00:12:00,804 --> 00:12:02,222
Why don't you enliven me?

267
00:12:02,306 --> 00:12:04,075
I don't think you're good
at making tough decisions.

268
00:12:04,099 --> 00:12:05,100
Ah!

269
00:12:05,183 --> 00:12:08,604
At thinking out the options and
then stating that decision very clearly,

270
00:12:08,687 --> 00:12:10,647
especially when it's
an unpopular decision.

271
00:12:10,731 --> 00:12:13,984
Okay. Here's a tough decision
for you, you suck. You suck.

272
00:12:14,109 --> 00:12:15,829
Michael, wait. Is that
clear enough for you?

273
00:12:15,861 --> 00:12:21,158
Maybe I'm here for a reason, because
I might have some good ideas, too.

274
00:12:21,241 --> 00:12:23,452
I've been sitting out there
and I've been learning a lot

275
00:12:23,535 --> 00:12:26,663
and maybe I can just bring
something different to the table.

276
00:12:26,747 --> 00:12:28,165
Okay, skippy, here we go.

277
00:12:28,248 --> 00:12:31,501
Why don't you run yourself
out there and tell them?

278
00:12:32,127 --> 00:12:33,503
You call it.

279
00:12:39,551 --> 00:12:41,428
This had better be terrible.

280
00:12:41,511 --> 00:12:43,072
Could I have everyone's
attention, please?

281
00:12:43,096 --> 00:12:46,099
I have some tough news, so I'm
just going to give it to you straight.

282
00:12:46,183 --> 00:12:49,019
Truth is we only have so
much money for raises this year.

283
00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:50,103
So the simple fact is,

284
00:12:50,187 --> 00:12:52,564
some people will get raises
and some people won't.

285
00:12:52,648 --> 00:12:54,232
Now what we've decided is

286
00:12:54,316 --> 00:12:56,944
we are going to give those
raises to the sales staff.

287
00:12:57,027 --> 00:12:58,278
Wait, seriously?

288
00:12:58,362 --> 00:13:01,531
Look, you guys are smart,
so I'm just leveling with you,

289
00:13:01,615 --> 00:13:03,116
just trying to treat
you like adults.

290
00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:06,578
Thank you, Jim, for thinking
that we're smart people.

291
00:13:06,662 --> 00:13:08,288
Angela: But I do not understand.

292
00:13:08,372 --> 00:13:11,750
If we're such smart adults,
then why don't we get raises?

293
00:13:11,833 --> 00:13:13,502
Excellent question, genius.

294
00:13:13,585 --> 00:13:15,185
It's because Jim wants
to give the raises

295
00:13:15,253 --> 00:13:17,130
to his friends and the
people he sleeps with.

296
00:13:17,214 --> 00:13:18,316
Ooh! Easy, that's not it at all.

297
00:13:18,340 --> 00:13:19,340
Oscar: Well?

298
00:13:19,383 --> 00:13:20,860
Really, what it is,
is about the money

299
00:13:20,884 --> 00:13:22,469
the sales staff
bnngsin to the office...

300
00:13:22,552 --> 00:13:23,553
What's going on?

301
00:13:23,637 --> 00:13:26,473
Jim is only giving raises
to the salesmen.

302
00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:28,475
What the hell? Why are
you being such a jerk?

303
00:13:28,558 --> 00:13:31,287
Hold on, Kelly, would it help you to
know that Jim thinks you're smart?

304
00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:34,523
No. How is that going
to repair Ryan's car?

305
00:13:34,606 --> 00:13:37,150
This is ridiculous!
How can he do this to us?

306
00:13:37,234 --> 00:13:38,402
Okay, Dwight, you know what?

307
00:13:38,485 --> 00:13:39,754
You'd be getting
the raise, so...

308
00:13:39,778 --> 00:13:42,489
What about all these people?
How is it fair to them?

309
00:13:42,572 --> 00:13:43,716
Oscar: Exactly. Kevin: Totally.

310
00:13:43,740 --> 00:13:46,284
We work just as hard as the
salespeople, we deserve raises.

311
00:13:46,368 --> 00:13:47,368
Yes. Yes.

312
00:13:47,411 --> 00:13:49,037
They don't get them
if we don't get them.

313
00:13:49,121 --> 00:13:52,791
My kid needs shoes. You want
to tell him he doesn't get shoes?

314
00:13:52,874 --> 00:13:53,874
Kevin: Yeah.

315
00:13:53,917 --> 00:13:55,210
Her kid needs shoes, Jim.

316
00:13:55,293 --> 00:13:56,795
Meredith: What the hell?

317
00:13:59,506 --> 00:14:04,928
Wow. I'm just going to rewind
and back off a bit, so...

318
00:14:13,311 --> 00:14:15,731
That was good. That was good.

319
00:14:15,939 --> 00:14:18,400
Okay, all right.
Well, we all know

320
00:14:18,483 --> 00:14:19,818
it's hard to be a boss, right?

321
00:14:19,901 --> 00:14:23,905
You know what? Look around
you, these are your best friends.

322
00:14:24,322 --> 00:14:29,119
These are the people who
will open their hearts to you.

323
00:14:29,202 --> 00:14:33,457
They all have heart-ons for you.

324
00:14:33,999 --> 00:14:35,751
And that is a gift.

325
00:14:36,251 --> 00:14:39,629
So in terms of gifts, we should
be giving each other gifts.

326
00:14:39,713 --> 00:14:43,258
Angela, yes, lend
Oscar a cup of sugar.

327
00:14:43,341 --> 00:14:44,777
This is... what are you
talking about? Michael!

328
00:14:44,801 --> 00:14:47,596
We just need to hear
your plan for our raise.

329
00:14:47,679 --> 00:14:51,975
My plan, a man, Panama.

330
00:14:52,768 --> 00:14:54,019
That's not how that goes.

331
00:14:54,102 --> 00:14:57,022
You're not saying anything.
At least Jim was being direct...

332
00:14:57,105 --> 00:14:58,105
Thank you, Meredith.

333
00:14:58,148 --> 00:14:59,792
When he was telling us
his dumb-ass plan.

334
00:14:59,816 --> 00:15:01,210
Oscar: We would just like
to know what's happening.

335
00:15:01,234 --> 00:15:03,236
Are we getting a raise,
yes or no?

336
00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:05,673
All right, let me get this cleared.
Does everybody want a raise?

337
00:15:05,697 --> 00:15:06,907
All: Yes!

338
00:15:06,990 --> 00:15:08,784
All right,
everyone wants a raise,

339
00:15:08,867 --> 00:15:11,620
so what we're going
to do is go into here

340
00:15:11,703 --> 00:15:13,830
and we will not
come out until we do.

341
00:15:14,372 --> 00:15:15,641
Again, that gives us
no information.

342
00:15:15,665 --> 00:15:18,794
Phyllis: This isn't a game,
you know, it's our livelihood.

343
00:15:21,630 --> 00:15:24,049
What about a raise
based on merit?

344
00:15:24,633 --> 00:15:25,884
Rank each person individually.

345
00:15:25,967 --> 00:15:27,844
Mmm-hmm. Piece of cake.

346
00:15:28,470 --> 00:15:29,888
Ryan is obviously the best.

347
00:15:29,971 --> 00:15:31,640
Obviously. Too bad he's a temp

348
00:15:31,723 --> 00:15:33,201
and doesn't count,
so let's get started.

349
00:15:33,225 --> 00:15:34,518
Are you making a...

350
00:15:34,601 --> 00:15:36,603
Nope, I'm numbering the paper.

351
00:15:36,686 --> 00:15:38,563
Just_ yeah. I don't understand

352
00:15:38,647 --> 00:15:40,982
how they can even
consider giving money

353
00:15:41,066 --> 00:15:43,401
to some people
and not the rest of us.

354
00:15:43,485 --> 00:15:45,922
It's not like we're not going to
see the checks, we're in accounting.

355
00:15:45,946 --> 00:15:47,697
I am so pissed at this company.

356
00:15:47,781 --> 00:15:48,782
And Jim.

357
00:15:48,865 --> 00:15:50,992
Yeah. Who said that?

358
00:15:51,910 --> 00:15:53,120
I think it was creed.

359
00:15:58,875 --> 00:16:00,710
It's going really well,
actually. Mmm-hmm.

360
00:16:00,794 --> 00:16:03,505
Each Boston baked bean
represents half-a-percent raise.

361
00:16:03,588 --> 00:16:04,589
We each got 24 beans,

362
00:16:04,673 --> 00:16:06,967
so the idea is,
you place the bean

363
00:16:07,050 --> 00:16:09,886
on the picture of who
you think deserves...

364
00:16:09,970 --> 00:16:11,763
Who's that? Toby.

365
00:16:11,847 --> 00:16:13,241
Okay, he's not a part
of this, you know that.

366
00:16:13,265 --> 00:16:15,183
Just wanted to draw
a picture of him.

367
00:16:15,267 --> 00:16:16,643
Okay, your move.

368
00:16:16,726 --> 00:16:18,311
All right. Who to pick?

369
00:16:19,229 --> 00:16:20,272
Who to pick?

370
00:16:20,355 --> 00:16:21,356
Here we go.

371
00:16:21,439 --> 00:16:25,318
I will skip a turn.

372
00:16:25,402 --> 00:16:27,630
Okay, you're going to still have
to play that bean, you know that.

373
00:16:27,654 --> 00:16:28,989
I need more time.

374
00:16:35,996 --> 00:16:38,123
Wallace sent an email
about a meeting next week,

375
00:16:38,206 --> 00:16:40,417
he wants you both to respond.

376
00:16:57,309 --> 00:17:00,520
People are starting to notice
how terrible Jim is.

377
00:17:00,604 --> 00:17:03,940
It's great. Eventually,
they will rise up and revolt.

378
00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:07,235
My only hope is that they
do it sooner rather than later.

379
00:17:07,319 --> 00:17:09,529
If the people here were
our founding fathers,

380
00:17:09,613 --> 00:17:12,365
the revolutionary war would
have been delayed 10 years

381
00:17:12,449 --> 00:17:15,619
because Stanley Washington
was napping.

382
00:17:15,702 --> 00:17:20,040
And Phyllis hancock was
still signing the declaration,

383
00:17:20,123 --> 00:17:24,252
and Kevin Jefferson was
distracted by a butterfly.

384
00:17:24,336 --> 00:17:29,007
Come on in. That's right.
Come in, feast your eyes.

385
00:17:29,090 --> 00:17:33,386
They determine our worth
by putting beans on our faces.

386
00:17:33,470 --> 00:17:34,471
What the hell?

387
00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:36,932
Things were not this bad
when just Michael was manager.

388
00:17:37,015 --> 00:17:38,451
Hey, what are you guys
doing in here?

389
00:17:38,475 --> 00:17:39,726
What does a bean mean?

390
00:17:39,809 --> 00:17:44,397
Why aren't there any beans on this
very old, frizzy-haired picture of me?

391
00:17:44,481 --> 00:17:46,816
Kevin: Michael,
what does a bean mean?

392
00:17:46,900 --> 00:17:47,943
Jim?

393
00:17:48,026 --> 00:17:49,128
I was just trying
to be unbiased.

394
00:17:49,152 --> 00:17:50,445
What does a bean mean?

395
00:17:50,528 --> 00:17:51,672
Someone please
explain it to Kevin.

396
00:17:51,696 --> 00:17:54,241
Why can't you? My time
is just as valuable as yours.

397
00:17:54,324 --> 00:17:56,034
Not according to the beans.

398
00:17:56,117 --> 00:17:58,495
This is how you make
this important decision?

399
00:17:58,578 --> 00:18:02,749
There's no way that Stanley gets
more beans than me, that is ridiculous.

400
00:18:04,042 --> 00:18:05,835
This is how it works.

401
00:18:06,169 --> 00:18:09,589
Phyllis: It's not so much that I
might not get a raise, it's just demeaning.

402
00:18:09,673 --> 00:18:14,511
Thank you. That is exactly... but,
by the way, I would also like a raise.

403
00:18:14,594 --> 00:18:16,346
Yeah, I would, too.

404
00:18:16,429 --> 00:18:17,889
Are we idiots?

405
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:23,520
Dwight: What right does
Jim have to claim authority?

406
00:18:24,187 --> 00:18:26,314
Is he as good a salesman as I?

407
00:18:26,398 --> 00:18:29,317
Is he as matronly as Phyllis?

408
00:18:29,776 --> 00:18:33,405
There are moments
where we can affect change.

409
00:18:33,989 --> 00:18:38,493
For a few seconds,
every decade, we exist.

410
00:18:39,202 --> 00:18:42,289
And these are those seconds.
Let us storm his castle.

411
00:18:42,372 --> 00:18:46,209
Come on, tick,
let's get him, tock.

412
00:18:47,043 --> 00:18:51,965
Let's get Jim. Tick, and
drag Jim out of his office, tock,

413
00:18:52,048 --> 00:18:55,427
take his keys away from
him, tick, that's a clock.

414
00:18:55,510 --> 00:18:58,930
The time is getting very
close. It's now or never.

415
00:18:59,014 --> 00:19:00,515
What say you?

416
00:19:01,891 --> 00:19:02,976
I say no.

417
00:19:03,059 --> 00:19:05,729
No, I mean, what do
you say to my plan?

418
00:19:09,357 --> 00:19:10,668
Andy: Michael Scott...
Security guard.

419
00:19:10,692 --> 00:19:12,152
Phyllis: Michael,
will you help us?

420
00:19:14,279 --> 00:19:15,739
Kevin: What does a bean mean?

421
00:19:20,577 --> 00:19:21,995
How you doing?

422
00:19:22,579 --> 00:19:25,081
On a scale of one to 10,
I'd say I'm about a four.

423
00:19:25,915 --> 00:19:27,334
What are you usually?

424
00:19:27,417 --> 00:19:29,294
Six. You?

425
00:19:29,377 --> 00:19:32,172
Usually a 10, but
I'm feeling like a zero.

426
00:19:32,255 --> 00:19:33,840
I mean,
a performance-based raise

427
00:19:33,923 --> 00:19:35,342
sounded like a good idea, right?

428
00:19:35,425 --> 00:19:36,926
I know, I know.

429
00:19:37,010 --> 00:19:38,529
We tried to find
the fairest way to do it.

430
00:19:38,553 --> 00:19:39,596
Yes, we did.

431
00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:41,056
I just...

432
00:19:44,392 --> 00:19:45,477
What?

433
00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:49,189
Nothing. I just...

434
00:19:49,272 --> 00:19:52,942
I used to have to do this part
alone. And it was the worst.

435
00:19:56,071 --> 00:19:58,073
I have something
I would like to give you.

436
00:19:58,198 --> 00:20:00,700
Meredith: Michael, come
on! This isn't fair! Kevin: Michael!

437
00:20:01,743 --> 00:20:04,704
Michael's my only friend
left in the office.

438
00:20:05,288 --> 00:20:08,583
Except Pam. I think.

439
00:20:09,793 --> 00:20:11,002
She still upset?

440
00:20:12,170 --> 00:20:15,382
Angela: Michael, you cannot
just keep avoiding us like this.

441
00:20:18,802 --> 00:20:19,802
Thank you.

442
00:20:19,844 --> 00:20:20,845
You're welcome.

443
00:20:23,014 --> 00:20:24,516
What's in here?

444
00:20:24,599 --> 00:20:25,642
Gin.

445
00:20:35,568 --> 00:20:36,653
Ooh.

446
00:20:44,661 --> 00:20:46,287
Just pretend we're not here.

447
00:20:50,166 --> 00:20:51,811
Heard you guys are looking
for cash for the wedding?

448
00:20:51,835 --> 00:20:54,087
Yeah, I mean, if it's
all the same for you.

449
00:20:54,170 --> 00:20:55,213
Question for you,

450
00:20:55,296 --> 00:20:59,426
would you guys rather have $100
now or $5,000 a year from now?

451
00:20:59,509 --> 00:21:00,802
$100 now, for sure.

452
00:21:00,885 --> 00:21:03,596
Because you just give me
$50 to cover the broker fee,

453
00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:06,141
I put in $100 of my
own money, as the gift.

454
00:21:06,224 --> 00:21:09,769
Yeah. No, no. The $100.
I'll just take the $100.

455
00:21:10,854 --> 00:21:13,273
Instead of
$5,000 a year from now?

456
00:21:14,691 --> 00:21:16,234
How sure is this?

457
00:21:16,317 --> 00:21:17,819
The guy has an algorithm

458
00:21:17,902 --> 00:21:21,698
to determine the winner of any
given college basketball game.

459
00:21:27,787 --> 00:21:29,205
Don't tell Jim.