1 00:00:02,920 --> 00:00:03,963 (Knock on door) 2 00:00:04,046 --> 00:00:05,606 Could you please sign my expense report? 3 00:00:05,673 --> 00:00:08,676 No way, no how. Expense reports are a day-to-day item. 4 00:00:08,759 --> 00:00:12,763 That is Jim's now. I am exclusively big picture. Epic. 5 00:00:21,105 --> 00:00:22,857 Sign this. Uh-uh-uh. 6 00:00:22,940 --> 00:00:24,859 Where's the please? We're not animals. 7 00:00:24,942 --> 00:00:26,444 (Sighs) Sign it. 8 00:00:26,527 --> 00:00:27,862 No. Not without a please. 9 00:00:29,322 --> 00:00:30,531 Idiot. 10 00:00:34,577 --> 00:00:35,828 I have a complaint about Jim. 11 00:00:35,912 --> 00:00:37,955 That is not big picture. 12 00:00:38,456 --> 00:00:43,377 I would like to file a huge, enormous, massive complaint 13 00:00:43,461 --> 00:00:46,255 about the tallest guy in our office. 14 00:00:51,719 --> 00:00:52,845 Okay. 15 00:00:53,638 --> 00:00:55,389 Jim won't sign my expense report. 16 00:00:55,473 --> 00:00:57,558 That is not... okay. Day-to-day. 17 00:00:57,642 --> 00:00:59,310 That is day-to-day. No. That is huge. 18 00:00:59,393 --> 00:01:02,980 You're trying to trick me. Get out, get out, get out, get out, get out. 19 00:01:06,442 --> 00:01:07,944 I'd like to lodge a complaint. 20 00:01:08,027 --> 00:01:10,196 I'm sorry to hear about that. Who is this about? 21 00:01:10,321 --> 00:01:11,447 Okay. You. 22 00:01:11,530 --> 00:01:14,116 Just want to let you know I take complaints very seriously, 23 00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:16,619 so, when did this happen? 24 00:01:16,702 --> 00:01:17,745 One minute ago. 25 00:01:17,828 --> 00:01:20,081 Okay. And how do you feel? 26 00:01:20,164 --> 00:01:21,164 Angry. 27 00:01:21,249 --> 00:01:23,167 All right. Did he hit you? No. 28 00:01:23,251 --> 00:01:24,919 Did you cry? No. 29 00:01:25,044 --> 00:01:26,379 Did you feel like crying? No. 30 00:01:26,462 --> 00:01:29,173 I'm just going to write, "held back tears." 31 00:01:29,257 --> 00:01:31,425 Wait, stop writing that. That is not true. 32 00:01:31,509 --> 00:01:32,736 If you stop crying, I'll stop writing it. 33 00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:33,844 I'm not... 34 00:01:33,928 --> 00:01:34,929 (Grunts) 35 00:01:35,304 --> 00:01:38,057 I deserved that promotion. Not Jim. 36 00:01:38,140 --> 00:01:42,144 Oh, man, makes me want to put him in a triangle choke hold 37 00:01:42,228 --> 00:01:44,355 and force him down to the ground 38 00:01:44,438 --> 00:01:46,482 and just keep pressing and pressing, 39 00:01:46,565 --> 00:01:51,320 and then flip him over and then put him in a hammerlock and he's gasping. 40 00:01:51,404 --> 00:01:53,406 He's panting for every last breath. 41 00:01:53,489 --> 00:01:57,868 And the crowd is going crazy and boom, I emerge victorious! 42 00:01:57,952 --> 00:01:59,036 (Exclaims joyously) 43 00:01:59,120 --> 00:02:01,914 Eighteen thousand dollars and a chance at the title! 44 00:02:02,039 --> 00:02:03,374 (Grunting) 45 00:02:03,582 --> 00:02:06,252 Dwight, Jim wants you to keep it down. 46 00:02:15,428 --> 00:02:16,846 (Inaudible) 47 00:02:41,078 --> 00:02:43,289 Everyone, now would be a good time to freshen up 48 00:02:43,372 --> 00:02:44,665 because I'd like everyone to meet 49 00:02:44,749 --> 00:02:46,292 in the conference room in five minutes. 50 00:02:46,375 --> 00:02:47,769 And I suggest that you bring a snack 51 00:02:47,793 --> 00:02:49,271 because we may be in there for a while. 52 00:02:49,295 --> 00:02:50,296 Michael. Yes. 53 00:02:50,421 --> 00:02:52,065 Can I talk to you in my office for a second? Mmm... 54 00:02:52,089 --> 00:02:55,217 Sure. But could I first talk to you in my office? 55 00:02:58,095 --> 00:03:00,056 Can I also be a boss? 56 00:03:00,139 --> 00:03:01,616 Look, it doesn't take a genius to know 57 00:03:01,640 --> 00:03:05,019 that any organization thrives when it has two leaders. 58 00:03:06,062 --> 00:03:08,397 Go ahead, name a country that doesn't have two presidents. 59 00:03:08,481 --> 00:03:11,233 A boat that set sail without two captains. 60 00:03:11,317 --> 00:03:14,195 Where would catholicism be without the popes? 61 00:03:14,278 --> 00:03:15,696 I have noticed that we... 62 00:03:15,780 --> 00:03:17,114 Welcome. 63 00:03:17,198 --> 00:03:18,878 Thank you. I have noticed we've been having 64 00:03:18,991 --> 00:03:20,993 a lot of conference room meetings. Mmm-hmm. 65 00:03:21,077 --> 00:03:24,205 And I'm wondering if perhaps those are a bit... 66 00:03:24,288 --> 00:03:25,414 Disruptive. Yes. 67 00:03:25,498 --> 00:03:29,960 No. I don't think they are. I think the meetings are very important. 68 00:03:30,044 --> 00:03:32,213 Okay. Maybe we should talk specifics. 69 00:03:32,338 --> 00:03:33,964 Okay. Let's do. 70 00:03:34,048 --> 00:03:36,884 Yesterday we had a meeting about planets. 71 00:03:36,967 --> 00:03:41,764 Well, to be fair, Jim, James... jimothy. 72 00:03:42,431 --> 00:03:45,434 To be fair, jimothy... That sounds weird. 73 00:03:45,518 --> 00:03:46,661 Are you okay with being called Jim? 74 00:03:46,685 --> 00:03:47,853 I am. All right. 75 00:03:47,937 --> 00:03:49,188 Jim, to be fair, 76 00:03:49,271 --> 00:03:50,624 the conversation wasn't about planets. 77 00:03:50,648 --> 00:03:51,649 Right. 78 00:03:51,732 --> 00:03:53,275 At first, we were talking about 79 00:03:53,359 --> 00:03:55,820 introducing a line of toilet paper. 80 00:03:55,903 --> 00:03:57,089 And what part of the human body 81 00:03:57,113 --> 00:03:59,824 does one use toilet paper upon? 82 00:04:00,366 --> 00:04:03,202 So you draw a line from there to the other planets, 83 00:04:03,285 --> 00:04:04,765 and I think by the end, we all learned 84 00:04:04,829 --> 00:04:06,580 a little bit about how small we are. 85 00:04:06,664 --> 00:04:07,832 Yes, I agree. I just feel... 86 00:04:07,915 --> 00:04:09,166 Becauseits a big universe. 87 00:04:09,250 --> 00:04:12,545 And we're all just little tiny specks of dust. 88 00:04:12,628 --> 00:04:16,090 I just think that maybe they're eating large amounts of the day. 89 00:04:16,173 --> 00:04:18,384 You know what eats a large amount of the day are naps. 90 00:04:18,467 --> 00:04:20,678 You go to sleep, it's light out, you wake up, it's dark. 91 00:04:20,761 --> 00:04:24,598 That's the whole day. Where did that day go? I have no idea. 92 00:04:25,558 --> 00:04:27,435 You mean on a weekend? 93 00:04:28,519 --> 00:04:29,603 Yes. 94 00:04:30,688 --> 00:04:32,398 How about this? I think our goal should be 95 00:04:32,481 --> 00:04:35,234 we don't have meetings unless they're absolutely essential. 96 00:04:35,317 --> 00:04:37,987 All right. No more meetings this week. 97 00:04:38,070 --> 00:04:40,739 Really? You just agree to that? 98 00:04:40,823 --> 00:04:42,450 I can be very surprising. 99 00:04:49,457 --> 00:04:50,624 What's going on? 100 00:04:50,708 --> 00:04:53,210 I need to fit into my wedding dress. 101 00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:55,337 However, I'm also pregnant. 102 00:04:59,216 --> 00:05:00,777 You know, it's a myth that women have to gain 103 00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:03,053 more than nine pounds in a pregnancy. 104 00:05:03,137 --> 00:05:06,348 Look at these actresses. Some of them lose weight. 105 00:05:06,682 --> 00:05:07,683 (Chuckles) 106 00:05:07,766 --> 00:05:09,977 Hey, did you guys register for wedding gifts? 107 00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:13,147 We did, but mostly because people expect us to. 108 00:05:14,023 --> 00:05:17,693 We're also accepting other gifts not on the registry. 109 00:05:19,778 --> 00:05:21,155 However much. 110 00:05:21,238 --> 00:05:25,284 It's awkward asking people for money. But we could really use it. 111 00:05:26,494 --> 00:05:30,873 Why doesn't crate and barrel let you register for a toaster full of cash? 112 00:05:30,956 --> 00:05:32,625 Perfect. I hate registries. 113 00:05:32,708 --> 00:05:33,751 Oh, good. 114 00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:37,796 My cousin makes the most amazing romantic birdhouse mailboxes. 115 00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:41,175 I know I shouldn't tell you, but you'll still be surprised when you see it. 116 00:05:41,258 --> 00:05:43,469 You're not registered for a birdhouse, are you? 117 00:05:43,552 --> 00:05:45,012 No, we're not. 118 00:05:45,095 --> 00:05:46,514 Good. Good. 119 00:05:51,227 --> 00:05:52,978 (Knocks on door) Michael: Mmm-hmm. 120 00:05:54,104 --> 00:05:55,898 Jim: Okay. I thought I saw people missing. 121 00:05:55,981 --> 00:05:59,985 Yeah. Just focus grouping a product expansion idea to these folks. 122 00:06:00,110 --> 00:06:01,570 Got one of each. Really? 123 00:06:01,654 --> 00:06:03,089 Hey, Stanley, what was the last thing Michael said 124 00:06:03,113 --> 00:06:04,216 before I came through the door? 125 00:06:04,240 --> 00:06:05,509 Stanley, you don't need to answer that. 126 00:06:05,533 --> 00:06:06,867 Stanley? 127 00:06:06,951 --> 00:06:08,911 "If you don't smell this, you're fired." 128 00:06:08,994 --> 00:06:10,496 Okay, Michael, I thought we agreed 129 00:06:10,579 --> 00:06:12,706 to not take up people's time with meetings like these. 130 00:06:12,790 --> 00:06:15,709 What do you mean by "these" people? 131 00:06:15,793 --> 00:06:17,270 Michael, this is a conference room meeting. 132 00:06:17,294 --> 00:06:20,422 Oh, hey, everybody, I think that Jim has gone insane 133 00:06:20,506 --> 00:06:23,008 because he thinks that my office is a conference room. 134 00:06:23,092 --> 00:06:24,092 That's not what I meant. 135 00:06:24,134 --> 00:06:27,555 Listen, Jim, no offense, but when push comes to shove, 136 00:06:27,638 --> 00:06:30,099 what I want is more important than what you want. 137 00:06:30,182 --> 00:06:31,308 I disagree. 138 00:06:31,392 --> 00:06:32,434 What do you guys think? 139 00:06:32,518 --> 00:06:34,204 (Indistinct chatter) Can I go back to my desk now? 140 00:06:34,228 --> 00:06:36,289 Great. Guys, can I just have a moment alone with Michael, please? 141 00:06:36,313 --> 00:06:37,958 No, no, no, no. You don't need to go anywhere. 142 00:06:37,982 --> 00:06:39,567 Anything that Jim has to say to me, 143 00:06:39,650 --> 00:06:41,819 he can say in front of these types of people. 144 00:06:41,902 --> 00:06:43,779 That is not what I said. 145 00:06:43,862 --> 00:06:45,406 And also, I am co-manager, 146 00:06:45,489 --> 00:06:47,217 meaning you are not the only manager anymore. 147 00:06:47,241 --> 00:06:48,576 I am also a co-manager. 148 00:06:48,659 --> 00:06:49,939 That is not what Wallace told us. 149 00:06:49,994 --> 00:06:51,137 That's exactly what Wallace told us. 150 00:06:51,161 --> 00:06:53,581 That is not the way I heard it. 151 00:06:53,664 --> 00:06:56,083 I love rivalries. Michael or Jim, 152 00:06:56,166 --> 00:06:59,878 Paris or Nicole, Heidi or I.C., it's so much fun. 153 00:06:59,962 --> 00:07:01,922 But I guess if I'm really thinking about it, 154 00:07:02,006 --> 00:07:03,924 and answering your question honestly, 155 00:07:04,008 --> 00:07:08,512 I'd have to go with lc. Heidi's a bad friend and her skin is terrible. 156 00:07:08,596 --> 00:07:11,640 It is one thing me giving you the co-manager title, 157 00:07:11,724 --> 00:07:13,851 it is another thing you bossing me around. 158 00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:14,995 I'm not bossing you around. 159 00:07:15,019 --> 00:07:17,187 I'm trying to do my job, which is sharing your job. 160 00:07:17,271 --> 00:07:19,106 So maybe we should just call David Wallace. 161 00:07:19,189 --> 00:07:21,275 No, no, no. No! We will not call David Wallace. 162 00:07:21,358 --> 00:07:22,693 I will call David Wallace. 163 00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:24,695 David Wallace is on line two for you guys. 164 00:07:24,778 --> 00:07:27,865 Or David Wallace will call us on line two. Why don't we just... 165 00:07:27,990 --> 00:07:29,783 Hey, David. You got Jim here. Hey, David. 166 00:07:29,867 --> 00:07:31,994 This is Michael, senior co-manager. 167 00:07:32,077 --> 00:07:36,624 David: Hey, guys. I'm calling because unfortunately 168 00:07:37,041 --> 00:07:38,667 we will not be able to give out 169 00:07:38,751 --> 00:07:40,294 cost of living raises this year 170 00:07:40,377 --> 00:07:42,212 and I know people expect it. 171 00:07:42,338 --> 00:07:45,341 However, there just is only a small amount of money for each branch. 172 00:07:45,424 --> 00:07:47,718 So, we're leaving it up to the managers 173 00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:49,303 to decide how to distribute it. 174 00:07:49,386 --> 00:07:53,432 Got it, Dave. Sounds like your classic big picture decision. 175 00:07:53,515 --> 00:07:56,268 Which will clearly affect the day-to-day wellbeing of our employees. 176 00:07:56,352 --> 00:07:57,592 It's probably a little of both. 177 00:07:57,645 --> 00:07:58,687 Which is it more of? 178 00:07:58,771 --> 00:07:59,855 Excuse me? Hey, David, 179 00:07:59,938 --> 00:08:01,249 I know that I am very new at this, 180 00:08:01,273 --> 00:08:03,335 but I have a very good perspective on how things work... 181 00:08:03,359 --> 00:08:06,654 Wait, I'm sorry. Michael, are you texting me? 182 00:08:08,238 --> 00:08:10,324 I thought maybe we could talk after this is over. 183 00:08:10,407 --> 00:08:12,493 Look, I need you both to take care of this. 184 00:08:12,576 --> 00:08:14,662 This is not going to be a problem, is it? 185 00:08:14,745 --> 00:08:15,805 Nope, not at all. Not at all. Nope. 186 00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:16,830 No, it will not be. 187 00:08:16,914 --> 00:08:17,974 I am on top of it. Very good. 188 00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:19,809 All right. Thanks a lot, David. Talk to you later... 189 00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:22,586 Okay, you didn't let me say goodbye. 190 00:08:22,878 --> 00:08:23,879 (Sighs) 191 00:08:23,962 --> 00:08:26,215 All right, I am looking foward to this. 192 00:08:26,298 --> 00:08:27,341 You don't have to lie. 193 00:08:27,424 --> 00:08:30,010 I hate the fact that we have to do this together. 194 00:08:30,094 --> 00:08:31,929 I think we work much better separately. 195 00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:36,141 When I am irritated and I look at you, I don't see you anymore. 196 00:08:36,225 --> 00:08:37,518 Right. All I can see 197 00:08:37,601 --> 00:08:39,937 is how big and gross the pores on your nose are. 198 00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:42,231 All right. Let's get started. 199 00:08:48,612 --> 00:08:50,906 Hey, why haven't we ever... 200 00:08:50,989 --> 00:08:52,241 We have. 201 00:08:56,286 --> 00:08:57,847 You know, there's no easy way to do this. 202 00:08:57,871 --> 00:09:01,417 I say we add 1.5% to their paychecks 203 00:09:01,500 --> 00:09:03,377 and don't say anything about it. 204 00:09:03,460 --> 00:09:05,563 Do you mean, like, break in, in the middle of the night 205 00:09:05,587 --> 00:09:06,856 and change the numbers on payroll? 206 00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:08,382 No, we can do it during the day. 207 00:09:08,465 --> 00:09:09,943 It doesn't have to be that dramatic, Jim. 208 00:09:09,967 --> 00:09:11,343 Okay. 209 00:09:11,427 --> 00:09:15,973 You know what would help is a pros and cons list for our options. 210 00:09:16,348 --> 00:09:17,808 Jim, don't take this the wrong way. 211 00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:19,852 Are you going to take this the wrong way? 212 00:09:19,935 --> 00:09:20,936 It's hard to tell so far. 213 00:09:21,019 --> 00:09:22,354 You use your brain too much. 214 00:09:22,438 --> 00:09:24,290 I'm sorry, are you advocating that I use it less? 215 00:09:24,314 --> 00:09:27,359 Sometimes the smartest people don't think at all. 216 00:09:27,484 --> 00:09:29,295 You just came up with that. As I was saying it. 217 00:09:29,319 --> 00:09:30,654 Yeah. 218 00:09:30,738 --> 00:09:35,284 Okay, so for the 1.5% increase, pro, everyone gets a little bit. 219 00:09:35,367 --> 00:09:37,202 Con, youlook like a nerd. 220 00:09:37,286 --> 00:09:40,038 Con, no one gets as much as they did last year. 221 00:09:40,122 --> 00:09:43,375 Pro, you get to share your pros and cons list with the other nerds. 222 00:09:43,459 --> 00:09:45,252 Pro, no favoritism. 223 00:09:45,335 --> 00:09:48,213 Con, you unzip your pants and you'll find 224 00:09:48,297 --> 00:09:50,174 that there's a calculator down there. 225 00:09:51,633 --> 00:09:53,343 I've been studying Michael for years 226 00:09:53,427 --> 00:09:56,555 and I've condensed what I've learned into this chart. 227 00:09:56,638 --> 00:09:58,182 How Michael spends his time. 228 00:09:58,265 --> 00:10:01,101 As you can see, we have procrastinating and distracting others. 229 00:10:01,185 --> 00:10:04,354 And this tiny sliver here is critical thinking. 230 00:10:05,481 --> 00:10:07,941 I made it bigger so that you could see it. 231 00:10:09,568 --> 00:10:14,573 Hey, Pam. I heard that you were registered, but I didn't hear where. 232 00:10:14,782 --> 00:10:20,245 I don't think we registered anywhere. We just want cash. 233 00:10:20,621 --> 00:10:24,833 Like money? Like, you want my money? 234 00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:26,210 Mmm-hmm. 235 00:10:26,376 --> 00:10:28,253 Will you take a check? 236 00:10:28,796 --> 00:10:29,797 Yeah. 237 00:10:29,880 --> 00:10:30,881 Cool. 238 00:10:33,217 --> 00:10:38,305 In the memo line, I'm going to write, "to love's eternal glory." 239 00:10:39,181 --> 00:10:40,641 Okay. 240 00:10:40,724 --> 00:10:41,934 Wait till Monday. 241 00:10:43,519 --> 00:10:48,232 Is this what I've become? Materialistic? Shallow? 242 00:10:49,274 --> 00:10:54,238 I feel horrible. Oh, look! "Mrs. Pam Halpert!" 243 00:10:55,405 --> 00:10:58,450 That's the first time I've seen it in writing. 244 00:10:59,618 --> 00:11:01,095 You know what, the more I think about it, 245 00:11:01,119 --> 00:11:04,248 the more I think we should give it to the salesmen. 246 00:11:04,331 --> 00:11:05,582 That will not go over well. 247 00:11:05,666 --> 00:11:07,292 Yeah, I know, I just think it seems smart 248 00:11:07,376 --> 00:11:09,002 to keep the salesmen happier right now. 249 00:11:09,086 --> 00:11:11,255 Of course, I know this might come off as biased, 250 00:11:11,338 --> 00:11:13,757 so you know what? Let us... 251 00:11:13,841 --> 00:11:15,259 Oh, my god, are you going to make 252 00:11:15,342 --> 00:11:17,028 another pro and con list? I'm going to kill myself. 253 00:11:17,052 --> 00:11:18,863 Well, I'm not going to let you stop me from thinking. 254 00:11:18,887 --> 00:11:20,764 No, I could not do that, Jim. 255 00:11:20,848 --> 00:11:23,016 I can see it in your crusty little eyes 256 00:11:23,100 --> 00:11:25,227 that you are going to make everything perfect. 257 00:11:25,310 --> 00:11:28,105 "If I could just think this through, 258 00:11:28,188 --> 00:11:30,816 "if I could just think it exactly right, 259 00:11:30,899 --> 00:11:33,151 "I can make this perfect. 260 00:11:33,777 --> 00:11:35,737 "And then I can go down every Avenue, 261 00:11:35,821 --> 00:11:37,823 "and every Avenue off of that Avenue. 262 00:11:37,948 --> 00:11:39,449 "And then another Avenue..." Michael. 263 00:11:39,533 --> 00:11:40,534 "And then another." 264 00:11:40,617 --> 00:11:41,845 Look, you have a lot of strengths. 265 00:11:41,869 --> 00:11:43,745 Oh, I do? Tell me what they are. 266 00:11:43,829 --> 00:11:46,331 I think that you are able to take 267 00:11:46,415 --> 00:11:47,749 constructive criticism very well. 268 00:11:47,833 --> 00:11:50,669 Ha! That, I am not known for that. 269 00:11:50,752 --> 00:11:52,546 But there is a reason why I'm here. 270 00:11:52,629 --> 00:11:54,298 Yes, you went over my head to Wallace. 271 00:11:54,381 --> 00:11:56,884 No, it's because you also have a lot of weaknesses, Michael. 272 00:11:56,967 --> 00:12:00,721 Okay, well, why don't you tell me what those are, Jim? 273 00:12:00,804 --> 00:12:02,222 Why don't you enliven me? 274 00:12:02,306 --> 00:12:04,075 I don't think you're good at making tough decisions. 275 00:12:04,099 --> 00:12:05,100 Ah! 276 00:12:05,183 --> 00:12:08,604 At thinking out the options and then stating that decision very clearly, 277 00:12:08,687 --> 00:12:10,647 especially when it's an unpopular decision. 278 00:12:10,731 --> 00:12:13,984 Okay. Here's a tough decision for you, you suck. You suck. 279 00:12:14,109 --> 00:12:15,829 Michael, wait. Is that clear enough for you? 280 00:12:15,861 --> 00:12:21,158 Maybe I'm here for a reason, because I might have some good ideas, too. 281 00:12:21,241 --> 00:12:23,452 I've been sitting out there and I've been learning a lot 282 00:12:23,535 --> 00:12:26,663 and maybe I can just bring something different to the table. 283 00:12:26,747 --> 00:12:28,165 Okay, skippy, here we go. 284 00:12:28,248 --> 00:12:31,501 Why don't you run yourself out there and tell them? 285 00:12:32,127 --> 00:12:33,503 You call it. 286 00:12:39,551 --> 00:12:41,428 This had better be terrible. 287 00:12:41,511 --> 00:12:43,072 Could I have everyone's attention, please? 288 00:12:43,096 --> 00:12:46,099 I have some tough news, so I'm just going to give it to you straight. 289 00:12:46,183 --> 00:12:49,019 Truth is we only have so much money for raises this year. 290 00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:50,103 So the simple fact is, 291 00:12:50,187 --> 00:12:52,564 some people will get raises and some people won't. 292 00:12:52,648 --> 00:12:54,232 Now what we've decided is 293 00:12:54,316 --> 00:12:56,944 we are going to give those raises to the sales staff. 294 00:12:57,027 --> 00:12:58,278 Wait, seriously? 295 00:12:58,362 --> 00:13:01,531 Look, you guys are smart, so I'm just leveling with you, 296 00:13:01,615 --> 00:13:03,116 just trying to treat you like adults. 297 00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:06,578 Thank you, Jim, for thinking that we're smart people. 298 00:13:06,662 --> 00:13:08,288 Angela: But I do not understand. 299 00:13:08,372 --> 00:13:11,750 If we're such smart adults, then why don't we get raises? 300 00:13:11,833 --> 00:13:13,502 Excellent question, genius. 301 00:13:13,585 --> 00:13:15,185 It's because Jim wants to give the raises 302 00:13:15,253 --> 00:13:17,130 to his friends and the people he sleeps with. 303 00:13:17,214 --> 00:13:18,316 Ooh! Easy, that's not it at all. 304 00:13:18,340 --> 00:13:19,340 Oscar: Well? 305 00:13:19,383 --> 00:13:20,860 Really, what it is, is about the money 306 00:13:20,884 --> 00:13:22,469 the sales staff bnngsin to the office... 307 00:13:22,552 --> 00:13:23,553 What's going on? 308 00:13:23,637 --> 00:13:26,473 Jim is only giving raises to the salesmen. 309 00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:28,475 What the hell? Why are you being such a jerk? 310 00:13:28,558 --> 00:13:31,287 Hold on, Kelly, would it help you to know that Jim thinks you're smart? 311 00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:34,523 No. How is that going to repair Ryan's car? 312 00:13:34,606 --> 00:13:37,150 This is ridiculous! How can he do this to us? 313 00:13:37,234 --> 00:13:38,402 Okay, Dwight, you know what? 314 00:13:38,485 --> 00:13:39,754 You'd be getting the raise, so... 315 00:13:39,778 --> 00:13:42,489 What about all these people? How is it fair to them? 316 00:13:42,572 --> 00:13:43,716 Oscar: Exactly. Kevin: Totally. 317 00:13:43,740 --> 00:13:46,284 We work just as hard as the salespeople, we deserve raises. 318 00:13:46,368 --> 00:13:47,368 Yes. Yes. 319 00:13:47,411 --> 00:13:49,037 They don't get them if we don't get them. 320 00:13:49,121 --> 00:13:52,791 My kid needs shoes. You want to tell him he doesn't get shoes? 321 00:13:52,874 --> 00:13:53,874 Kevin: Yeah. 322 00:13:53,917 --> 00:13:55,210 Her kid needs shoes, Jim. 323 00:13:55,293 --> 00:13:56,795 Meredith: What the hell? 324 00:13:56,878 --> 00:13:58,255 (Clamoring) 325 00:13:59,506 --> 00:14:04,928 Wow. I'm just going to rewind and back off a bit, so... 326 00:14:06,722 --> 00:14:08,473 (Speaking gibberish) 327 00:14:11,143 --> 00:14:12,144 (Chuckles nervously) 328 00:14:12,227 --> 00:14:13,228 (Laughing) 329 00:14:13,311 --> 00:14:15,731 That was good. That was good. 330 00:14:15,939 --> 00:14:18,400 Okay, all right. Well, we all know 331 00:14:18,483 --> 00:14:19,818 it's hard to be a boss, right? 332 00:14:19,901 --> 00:14:23,905 You know what? Look around you, these are your best friends. 333 00:14:24,322 --> 00:14:29,119 These are the people who will open their hearts to you. 334 00:14:29,202 --> 00:14:33,457 They all have heart-ons for you. 335 00:14:33,999 --> 00:14:35,751 And that is a gift. 336 00:14:36,251 --> 00:14:39,629 So in terms of gifts, we should be giving each other gifts. 337 00:14:39,713 --> 00:14:43,258 Angela, yes, lend Oscar a cup of sugar. 338 00:14:43,341 --> 00:14:44,777 This is... what are you talking about? Michael! 339 00:14:44,801 --> 00:14:47,596 We just need to hear your plan for our raise. 340 00:14:47,679 --> 00:14:51,975 My plan, a man, Panama. 341 00:14:52,768 --> 00:14:54,019 That's not how that goes. 342 00:14:54,102 --> 00:14:57,022 You're not saying anything. At least Jim was being direct... 343 00:14:57,105 --> 00:14:58,105 Thank you, Meredith. 344 00:14:58,148 --> 00:14:59,792 When he was telling us his dumb-ass plan. 345 00:14:59,816 --> 00:15:01,210 Oscar: We would just like to know what's happening. 346 00:15:01,234 --> 00:15:03,236 Are we getting a raise, yes or no? 347 00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:05,673 All right, let me get this cleared. Does everybody want a raise? 348 00:15:05,697 --> 00:15:06,907 All: Yes! 349 00:15:06,990 --> 00:15:08,784 All right, everyone wants a raise, 350 00:15:08,867 --> 00:15:11,620 so what we're going to do is go into here 351 00:15:11,703 --> 00:15:13,830 and we will not come out until we do. 352 00:15:14,372 --> 00:15:15,641 Again, that gives us no information. 353 00:15:15,665 --> 00:15:18,794 Phyllis: This isn't a game, you know, it's our livelihood. 354 00:15:21,630 --> 00:15:24,049 What about a raise based on merit? 355 00:15:24,633 --> 00:15:25,884 Rank each person individually. 356 00:15:25,967 --> 00:15:27,844 Mmm-hmm. Piece of cake. 357 00:15:28,470 --> 00:15:29,888 Ryan is obviously the best. 358 00:15:29,971 --> 00:15:31,640 Obviously. Too bad he's a temp 359 00:15:31,723 --> 00:15:33,201 and doesn't count, so let's get started. 360 00:15:33,225 --> 00:15:34,518 Are you making a... 361 00:15:34,601 --> 00:15:36,603 Nope, I'm numbering the paper. 362 00:15:36,686 --> 00:15:38,563 Just_ yeah. I don't understand 363 00:15:38,647 --> 00:15:40,982 how they can even consider giving money 364 00:15:41,066 --> 00:15:43,401 to some people and not the rest of us. 365 00:15:43,485 --> 00:15:45,922 It's not like we're not going to see the checks, we're in accounting. 366 00:15:45,946 --> 00:15:47,697 I am so pissed at this company. 367 00:15:47,781 --> 00:15:48,782 And Jim. 368 00:15:48,865 --> 00:15:50,992 Yeah. Who said that? 369 00:15:51,910 --> 00:15:53,120 I think it was creed. 370 00:15:58,875 --> 00:16:00,710 It's going really well, actually. Mmm-hmm. 371 00:16:00,794 --> 00:16:03,505 Each Boston baked bean represents half-a-percent raise. 372 00:16:03,588 --> 00:16:04,589 We each got 24 beans, 373 00:16:04,673 --> 00:16:06,967 so the idea is, you place the bean 374 00:16:07,050 --> 00:16:09,886 on the picture of who you think deserves... 375 00:16:09,970 --> 00:16:11,763 Who's that? Toby. 376 00:16:11,847 --> 00:16:13,241 Okay, he's not a part of this, you know that. 377 00:16:13,265 --> 00:16:15,183 Just wanted to draw a picture of him. 378 00:16:15,267 --> 00:16:16,643 Okay, your move. 379 00:16:16,726 --> 00:16:18,311 All right. Who to pick? 380 00:16:19,229 --> 00:16:20,272 Who to pick? 381 00:16:20,355 --> 00:16:21,356 Here we go. 382 00:16:21,439 --> 00:16:25,318 I will skip a turn. 383 00:16:25,402 --> 00:16:27,630 Okay, you're going to still have to play that bean, you know that. 384 00:16:27,654 --> 00:16:28,989 I need more time. 385 00:16:29,072 --> 00:16:30,740 (Knocking on door) 386 00:16:35,996 --> 00:16:38,123 Wallace sent an email about a meeting next week, 387 00:16:38,206 --> 00:16:40,417 he wants you both to respond. 388 00:16:57,309 --> 00:17:00,520 People are starting to notice how terrible Jim is. 389 00:17:00,604 --> 00:17:03,940 It's great. Eventually, they will rise up and revolt. 390 00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:07,235 My only hope is that they do it sooner rather than later. 391 00:17:07,319 --> 00:17:09,529 If the people here were our founding fathers, 392 00:17:09,613 --> 00:17:12,365 the revolutionary war would have been delayed 10 years 393 00:17:12,449 --> 00:17:15,619 because Stanley Washington was napping. 394 00:17:15,702 --> 00:17:20,040 And Phyllis hancock was still signing the declaration, 395 00:17:20,123 --> 00:17:24,252 and Kevin Jefferson was distracted by a butterfly. 396 00:17:24,336 --> 00:17:29,007 Come on in. That's right. Come in, feast your eyes. 397 00:17:29,090 --> 00:17:33,386 They determine our worth by putting beans on our faces. 398 00:17:33,470 --> 00:17:34,471 What the hell? 399 00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:36,932 Things were not this bad when just Michael was manager. 400 00:17:37,015 --> 00:17:38,451 Hey, what are you guys doing in here? 401 00:17:38,475 --> 00:17:39,726 What does a bean mean? 402 00:17:39,809 --> 00:17:44,397 Why aren't there any beans on this very old, frizzy-haired picture of me? 403 00:17:44,481 --> 00:17:46,816 Kevin: Michael, what does a bean mean? 404 00:17:46,900 --> 00:17:47,943 Jim? 405 00:17:48,026 --> 00:17:49,128 I was just trying to be unbiased. 406 00:17:49,152 --> 00:17:50,445 What does a bean mean? 407 00:17:50,528 --> 00:17:51,672 Someone please explain it to Kevin. 408 00:17:51,696 --> 00:17:54,241 Why can't you? My time is just as valuable as yours. 409 00:17:54,324 --> 00:17:56,034 Not according to the beans. 410 00:17:56,117 --> 00:17:58,495 This is how you make this important decision? 411 00:17:58,578 --> 00:18:02,749 (Chuckles) There's no way that Stanley gets more beans than me, that is ridiculous. 412 00:18:02,832 --> 00:18:03,959 (Indistinct chattering) 413 00:18:04,042 --> 00:18:05,835 This is how it works. 414 00:18:06,169 --> 00:18:09,589 Phyllis: It's not so much that I might not get a raise, it's just demeaning. 415 00:18:09,673 --> 00:18:14,511 Thank you. That is exactly... but, by the way, I would also like a raise. 416 00:18:14,594 --> 00:18:16,346 Yeah, I would, too. 417 00:18:16,429 --> 00:18:17,889 Are we idiots? 418 00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:23,520 Dwight: What right does Jim have to claim authority? 419 00:18:24,187 --> 00:18:26,314 Is he as good a salesman as I? 420 00:18:26,398 --> 00:18:29,317 Is he as matronly as Phyllis? 421 00:18:29,776 --> 00:18:33,405 There are moments where we can affect change. 422 00:18:33,989 --> 00:18:38,493 For a few seconds, every decade, we exist. 423 00:18:39,202 --> 00:18:42,289 And these are those seconds. Let us storm his castle. 424 00:18:42,372 --> 00:18:46,209 Come on, tick, let's get him, tock. 425 00:18:47,043 --> 00:18:51,965 Let's get Jim. Tick, and drag Jim out of his office, tock, 426 00:18:52,048 --> 00:18:55,427 take his keys away from him, tick, that's a clock. 427 00:18:55,510 --> 00:18:58,930 The time is getting very close. It's now or never. 428 00:18:59,014 --> 00:19:00,515 What say you? 429 00:19:01,891 --> 00:19:02,976 I say no. 430 00:19:03,059 --> 00:19:05,729 No, I mean, what do you say to my plan? 431 00:19:06,062 --> 00:19:07,564 (All murmuring) 432 00:19:09,357 --> 00:19:10,668 Andy: Michael Scott... Security guard. 433 00:19:10,692 --> 00:19:12,152 Phyllis: Michael, will you help us? 434 00:19:12,235 --> 00:19:14,195 (All chattering indistinctly) 435 00:19:14,279 --> 00:19:15,739 Kevin: What does a bean mean? 436 00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:19,075 (Exhales deeply) 437 00:19:20,577 --> 00:19:21,995 How you doing? 438 00:19:22,579 --> 00:19:25,081 On a scale of one to 10, I'd say I'm about a four. 439 00:19:25,915 --> 00:19:27,334 What are you usually? 440 00:19:27,417 --> 00:19:29,294 Six. You? 441 00:19:29,377 --> 00:19:32,172 Usually a 10, but I'm feeling like a zero. 442 00:19:32,255 --> 00:19:33,840 I mean, a performance-based raise 443 00:19:33,923 --> 00:19:35,342 sounded like a good idea, right? 444 00:19:35,425 --> 00:19:36,926 I know, I know. 445 00:19:37,010 --> 00:19:38,529 We tried to find the fairest way to do it. 446 00:19:38,553 --> 00:19:39,596 Yes, we did. 447 00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:41,056 I just... 448 00:19:44,392 --> 00:19:45,477 What? 449 00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:49,189 Nothing. I just... 450 00:19:49,272 --> 00:19:52,942 I used to have to do this part alone. And it was the worst. 451 00:19:56,071 --> 00:19:58,073 I have something I would like to give you. 452 00:19:58,198 --> 00:20:00,700 Meredith: Michael, come on! This isn't fair! Kevin: Michael! 453 00:20:01,743 --> 00:20:04,704 Michael's my only friend left in the office. 454 00:20:05,288 --> 00:20:08,583 Except Pam. I think. 455 00:20:09,793 --> 00:20:11,002 She still upset? 456 00:20:12,170 --> 00:20:15,382 Angela: Michael, you cannot just keep avoiding us like this. 457 00:20:16,299 --> 00:20:17,300 (Chuckles) 458 00:20:17,550 --> 00:20:18,718 (Laughs) 459 00:20:18,802 --> 00:20:19,802 Thank you. 460 00:20:19,844 --> 00:20:20,845 You're welcome. 461 00:20:23,014 --> 00:20:24,516 What's in here? 462 00:20:24,599 --> 00:20:25,642 Gin. 463 00:20:35,568 --> 00:20:36,653 Ooh. 464 00:20:38,905 --> 00:20:40,156 (Knock on door) 465 00:20:44,661 --> 00:20:46,287 (Whispering) Just pretend we're not here. 466 00:20:50,166 --> 00:20:51,811 Heard you guys are looking for cash for the wedding? 467 00:20:51,835 --> 00:20:54,087 Yeah, I mean, if it's all the same for you. 468 00:20:54,170 --> 00:20:55,213 Question for you, 469 00:20:55,296 --> 00:20:59,426 would you guys rather have $100 now or $5,000 a year from now? 470 00:20:59,509 --> 00:21:00,802 $100 now, for sure. 471 00:21:00,885 --> 00:21:03,596 Because you just give me $50 to cover the broker fee, 472 00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:06,141 I put in $100 of my own money, as the gift. 473 00:21:06,224 --> 00:21:09,769 Yeah. No, no. The $100. I'll just take the $100. 474 00:21:10,854 --> 00:21:13,273 (Softly) Instead of $5,000 a year from now? 475 00:21:14,691 --> 00:21:16,234 How sure is this? 476 00:21:16,317 --> 00:21:17,819 The guy has an algorithm 477 00:21:17,902 --> 00:21:21,698 to determine the winner of any given college basketball game. 478 00:21:27,787 --> 00:21:29,205 Don't tell Jim.