1 00:00:02,211 --> 00:00:03,730 I'm sorry, you guys have probably noticed 2 00:00:03,754 --> 00:00:06,382 my stomach's a little more sensitive lately. 3 00:00:06,465 --> 00:00:09,719 So, if you wouldn't mind wearing a little less perfume. 4 00:00:09,802 --> 00:00:11,762 And if your lunch is especially pungent, 5 00:00:11,846 --> 00:00:13,598 maybe have it in the break room. 6 00:00:13,681 --> 00:00:15,057 We would really appreciate it. 7 00:00:15,141 --> 00:00:18,186 Pam is constantly throwing up because of the pregnancy. 8 00:00:18,269 --> 00:00:22,064 If she eats something the fetus doesn't like, she is screwed. 9 00:00:22,148 --> 00:00:26,277 It's amazing, a three-ounce fetus is calling the shots. 10 00:00:26,944 --> 00:00:28,738 It's so badass. 11 00:00:29,280 --> 00:00:32,283 Phyllis, if you could switch to a different soap, 12 00:00:32,366 --> 00:00:35,453 just for a month or two. Yours is kind of perfumey. 13 00:00:35,536 --> 00:00:37,246 Now this is getting ridiculous. 14 00:00:37,330 --> 00:00:40,082 Oh, gee. I'm sorry. I guess I missed the meeting 15 00:00:40,166 --> 00:00:42,585 where we all voted for you to get pregnant. 16 00:00:43,294 --> 00:00:48,216 No. I reserve the right to peel my hard-boiled eggs at my desk. 17 00:00:48,299 --> 00:00:50,927 All morning I look fonnard to my afternoon cigars. 18 00:00:51,010 --> 00:00:53,137 And I am not stopping for anybody. 19 00:00:53,596 --> 00:00:55,556 I don't think I'm asking for too much. 20 00:00:55,640 --> 00:00:59,060 Iguessitsjust the end of courtesy in the workplace. 21 00:01:18,037 --> 00:01:21,123 Watching people get sick always makes me sick. 22 00:01:21,207 --> 00:01:26,504 And, frankly, so does talking about it. So, wow. 23 00:02:11,340 --> 00:02:12,425 Well, what do you think? 24 00:02:12,508 --> 00:02:13,926 I spent all morning doing it. 25 00:02:14,010 --> 00:02:15,761 It is really special. 26 00:02:16,053 --> 00:02:20,057 Yeah, but aren't you supposed to do that to our... no. It's great. 27 00:02:20,141 --> 00:02:23,269 Well, it's just a really important day for me. 28 00:02:23,352 --> 00:02:25,229 Well, congrats. Thanks. 29 00:02:25,604 --> 00:02:29,275 Dunder Mifflin Scranton will be closed today and Friday 30 00:02:29,358 --> 00:02:32,069 for a company wedding in Niagara Falls. 31 00:02:32,153 --> 00:02:35,448 So please leave a message and we'll get back to you as soon as possible. 32 00:02:35,531 --> 00:02:37,199 Have a great day. 33 00:02:37,283 --> 00:02:40,953 Believe it or not, Kevin, firecrackers are in the "don't" column. 34 00:02:41,037 --> 00:02:43,080 So, you're going to provide them, then? 35 00:02:43,164 --> 00:02:44,749 No, this is a firecracker-free wedding. 36 00:02:44,832 --> 00:02:46,667 What the hell? You've got to be kidding me. 37 00:02:46,751 --> 00:02:48,836 Okay, all of these things are important to remember, 38 00:02:48,919 --> 00:02:50,212 but the most important thing 39 00:02:50,296 --> 00:02:51,547 is that no one say anything 40 00:02:51,630 --> 00:02:53,174 about my pregnancy at the wedding. 41 00:02:53,257 --> 00:02:54,925 Absolutely. Because not everyone knows 42 00:02:55,009 --> 00:02:56,329 and some people might be offended. 43 00:02:56,385 --> 00:02:58,512 Decent people everywhere will get offended. 44 00:02:58,596 --> 00:03:01,223 Well, we're thinking of my grandmother, who we haven't told 45 00:03:01,307 --> 00:03:02,600 and who is very old-fashioned. 46 00:03:02,683 --> 00:03:04,769 Well, you're lucky to have a grandmother. 47 00:03:04,852 --> 00:03:06,854 Some of us have to be our own grandmother. 48 00:03:06,937 --> 00:03:10,191 You know, Angela, you don't have to come to the wedding. 49 00:03:10,274 --> 00:03:11,793 Really, Pam? Yes, she does. Yes, she does. 50 00:03:11,817 --> 00:03:13,462 We're all going to go and we're going to have a good time. 51 00:03:13,486 --> 00:03:15,404 Ow! He pinched me. No. 52 00:03:15,488 --> 00:03:18,407 Next time we're all in this room, Jim and I will be married. 53 00:03:18,491 --> 00:03:19,533 We'll see. 54 00:03:19,617 --> 00:03:20,617 Thank you, Dwight. 55 00:03:20,659 --> 00:03:21,827 Goodbye. See you later. 56 00:03:21,911 --> 00:03:22,912 Oscar: Bye. Bye. 57 00:03:22,995 --> 00:03:26,665 Hey, and don't embarrass me when we go to niagara. 58 00:03:27,583 --> 00:03:30,252 What happens in niagara stays in niagara. 59 00:03:32,421 --> 00:03:35,716 Don't, don't, don't. You stole myjoke. Don't steal myjoke. 60 00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:37,218 No, I didn't steal yourjoke. 61 00:03:37,301 --> 00:03:38,636 Yes, I said that yesterday. 62 00:03:38,719 --> 00:03:40,113 But you can say that about anything. 63 00:03:40,137 --> 00:03:42,765 What happens in accounting stays in accounting. 64 00:03:42,848 --> 00:03:43,891 Oh, yeah! 65 00:03:43,974 --> 00:03:46,435 No, no, no, no. Please, please. Dwight, that's myjoke. 66 00:03:46,519 --> 00:03:48,580 Yeah, but it's so easy. That's what I'm saying. You can say... 67 00:03:48,604 --> 00:03:50,244 No, okay. This is what I am talking about. 68 00:03:50,314 --> 00:03:54,443 When we leave here and go up to Niagara Falls, 69 00:03:54,527 --> 00:03:57,822 we are representing dunder Mifflin, everyone. 70 00:03:57,905 --> 00:04:00,074 This is a very important wedding for this branch. 71 00:04:00,157 --> 00:04:01,802 The most important wedding until I get married. 72 00:04:01,826 --> 00:04:03,911 So I want you all on your best behavior, 73 00:04:03,994 --> 00:04:05,162 or so help me god... 74 00:04:07,123 --> 00:04:11,085 So I will see you up there in Viagra falls. 75 00:04:13,963 --> 00:04:17,716 Pam and Jim's wedding will be the single best pickup destination 76 00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:20,261 in the history of the universe. 77 00:04:20,344 --> 00:04:22,888 I stole the guest list from Jim's desk, 78 00:04:22,972 --> 00:04:26,725 and I search-engined every female on both sides of the family. 79 00:04:26,851 --> 00:04:28,352 Get out of here. Yes. 80 00:04:28,436 --> 00:04:29,770 Oh, my god, Dwight. 81 00:04:29,854 --> 00:04:33,941 For instance, Pam's cousin, Jocelyn Webster. 82 00:04:34,024 --> 00:04:35,317 There's a name. 83 00:04:36,569 --> 00:04:39,780 Two years ago, she was selling a mountain bike. 84 00:04:39,864 --> 00:04:41,282 Oh! Well, tell me about Jocelyn. 85 00:04:41,365 --> 00:04:42,408 Yes. 86 00:04:42,491 --> 00:04:43,593 What's she like? I will, I will. 87 00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:47,621 Well, she's really into mountain biking. But not so much lately. 88 00:04:47,705 --> 00:04:48,706 Okay. 89 00:04:48,789 --> 00:04:51,375 She had a couple hundred dollars to spend. 90 00:04:51,459 --> 00:04:54,420 I mean, if she was able to sell her bike. 91 00:04:56,881 --> 00:04:57,983 Is that all you have on her? 92 00:04:58,007 --> 00:05:00,468 Well, if this is in fact her, because it's a very common name. 93 00:05:00,551 --> 00:05:02,094 Okay, you're an idiot. 94 00:05:10,769 --> 00:05:15,149 People don't think of me as one of the sharper dressers in the office, 95 00:05:15,232 --> 00:05:18,235 but I'm going to turn that around at this wedding. 96 00:05:18,569 --> 00:05:22,364 I thought, "how can I take it to the next level?" 97 00:05:23,782 --> 00:05:25,201 The hair. 98 00:05:26,410 --> 00:05:28,329 It's the hair. 99 00:05:28,412 --> 00:05:31,165 Okay, okay! I'm going. 100 00:05:32,666 --> 00:05:33,751 God! 101 00:05:36,295 --> 00:05:38,148 Hey, do one of you guys want to sit up front with me 102 00:05:38,172 --> 00:05:39,798 so I have someone to talk to? 103 00:05:39,882 --> 00:05:42,593 It's like a five-hour drive-ish, you know. 104 00:05:42,676 --> 00:05:44,136 Nah, this is so much cooler. 105 00:05:44,220 --> 00:05:46,072 We feel like we're in a limo and you're our driver. 106 00:05:46,096 --> 00:05:47,181 Hmm. 107 00:05:48,224 --> 00:05:49,308 Erin? 108 00:05:49,391 --> 00:05:53,103 Oh, no. That wouldn't be fair to leave Kelly alone in the back. 109 00:05:54,104 --> 00:05:59,109 Not only is Erin really sweet and cute, she smells like my mom. 110 00:06:00,778 --> 00:06:02,696 Hey, my aunt told me something neat. Yeah? 111 00:06:02,780 --> 00:06:05,449 She said everything with the wedding goes by so fast, 112 00:06:05,533 --> 00:06:08,202 we should try to take mental pictures of the high points. 113 00:06:08,285 --> 00:06:09,703 Oh. Wow. That's cool. 114 00:06:09,787 --> 00:06:10,913 Yeah. 115 00:06:11,622 --> 00:06:12,790 Click. 116 00:06:13,165 --> 00:06:16,126 You blinked. Damn it, now that's in my brain forever. 117 00:06:16,210 --> 00:06:17,211 Oh! 118 00:06:17,294 --> 00:06:18,629 Lousy picture! 119 00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:22,049 We should have hired a professional to take the mental pictures. 120 00:06:27,471 --> 00:06:29,306 Oh, god, wow. 121 00:06:30,266 --> 00:06:32,017 Oh! I was asleep. 122 00:06:32,101 --> 00:06:33,185 What? No way. 123 00:06:33,269 --> 00:06:34,645 Those glasses are super dark. 124 00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:35,729 Oh. Wow. 125 00:06:35,813 --> 00:06:39,316 Okay. All right, we need some tunes, I think. 126 00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:40,776 You know what, I made you a cd. 127 00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:42,570 Mmm-hmm. You did? That was nice of you. 128 00:06:42,653 --> 00:06:45,006 This is to play when you bring a woman back to your hotel room. 129 00:06:45,030 --> 00:06:48,200 Oh! Very thoughtful. A little mix to set the mood. 130 00:06:48,576 --> 00:06:50,160 Delightful. Pop that in. 131 00:06:50,244 --> 00:06:51,745 You're going to like this. 132 00:06:51,829 --> 00:06:54,623 Hello. My name is Dwight schrute. 133 00:06:54,707 --> 00:06:56,000 If you are listening to this, 134 00:06:56,083 --> 00:06:58,711 you are a lucky woman Michael has seduced. 135 00:06:58,794 --> 00:07:00,838 Ah! To be in your shoes! 136 00:07:01,130 --> 00:07:03,465 "What's next?" You're probably wondering. 137 00:07:03,549 --> 00:07:06,552 Don't be scared of your night in heaven. 138 00:07:06,844 --> 00:07:07,845 Are you serious? 139 00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:10,389 You want me to play that for a woman coming to my room? 140 00:07:10,472 --> 00:07:12,266 Yeah. It's practical. My god. 141 00:07:12,349 --> 00:07:13,392 No, no. It's... 142 00:07:13,475 --> 00:07:15,102 That's not how it works. 143 00:07:15,686 --> 00:07:19,106 Jim: Niagara Falls used to be, like, a spiritual experience to people. 144 00:07:19,189 --> 00:07:22,109 They stayed in tents and it blew their minds. 145 00:07:22,401 --> 00:07:25,696 But it's really kitschy now, which is a lot of fun. 146 00:07:26,530 --> 00:07:27,990 Receptionist: Halpert. Halpert. 147 00:07:28,073 --> 00:07:29,116 And beesly. 148 00:07:29,199 --> 00:07:30,343 Tonight we're in two separate rooms 149 00:07:30,367 --> 00:07:32,578 and then tomorrow night is the honeymoon suite. 150 00:07:32,661 --> 00:07:33,661 Great. 151 00:07:33,704 --> 00:07:35,331 I know, we're pretty excited, too. 152 00:07:35,414 --> 00:07:37,041 Can we take a look at the suite now? 153 00:07:37,124 --> 00:07:39,001 I'm sorry. Somebody just checked in. 154 00:07:39,084 --> 00:07:41,462 Is there another wedding at the hotel this weekend? 155 00:07:41,545 --> 00:07:44,381 Oh, no. Just an individual. That man there. 156 00:07:44,923 --> 00:07:47,426 Hey, I got the room the night before you guys. 157 00:07:47,509 --> 00:07:48,719 I'll break in the bed. 158 00:07:52,431 --> 00:07:53,682 I don't like that. 159 00:07:53,766 --> 00:07:55,243 I'm going to need the name and cell phone number 160 00:07:55,267 --> 00:07:58,062 of the housekeeper responsible for changing the sheets, please. 161 00:07:58,479 --> 00:08:01,899 Hello, reservation for Michael Scott. 162 00:08:01,982 --> 00:08:03,150 One moment while I check. 163 00:08:03,233 --> 00:08:06,070 Their proximity to the falls makes everything smell like a basement. 164 00:08:06,153 --> 00:08:07,154 Mmm-hmm. 165 00:08:07,237 --> 00:08:09,406 I'm sorry, sir. I'm not seeing you in here. 166 00:08:09,490 --> 00:08:11,116 When did you make your reservation? 167 00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:12,576 I don't have a reservation, 168 00:08:12,660 --> 00:08:15,663 but I want a room in the beesly-Halpert block of rooms. 169 00:08:15,746 --> 00:08:19,500 Oh! Okay. Unfortunately, sir, the block only applies to the rate. 170 00:08:19,583 --> 00:08:21,168 I'm afraid we're all sold out. 171 00:08:21,251 --> 00:08:23,921 Dwight schrute. I have a reservation. 172 00:08:24,171 --> 00:08:30,344 Confirmation number, Romeo-tango-g-seven-seven-four-five. 173 00:08:30,427 --> 00:08:31,637 Yes. Schrute. 174 00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:35,307 And I had spoken to Teresa about a room with two safes. 175 00:08:35,391 --> 00:08:37,101 Sure, no problem. Dwight: Okay. 176 00:08:37,184 --> 00:08:38,453 There's your key, Mr. Schrute. Vveh, good. 177 00:08:38,477 --> 00:08:39,478 Thank you. 178 00:08:39,561 --> 00:08:40,979 Dwight. Dwight, Dwight, Dwight. 179 00:08:41,063 --> 00:08:42,123 I need to stay in your room. 180 00:08:42,147 --> 00:08:43,208 No way. What if I meet someone? 181 00:08:43,232 --> 00:08:44,626 I'm staying in your... Come on, Dwight. 182 00:08:44,650 --> 00:08:45,835 No. Michael. I would do the same for you. 183 00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:46,902 You would? Yes. 184 00:08:46,944 --> 00:08:48,862 Really? Yes.Letsjustgo. 185 00:08:48,946 --> 00:08:52,825 Wait a second. No, no, no. This must be some kind of mistake. 186 00:08:52,908 --> 00:08:54,827 This reservation is under an m. Scott. 187 00:08:54,910 --> 00:08:56,203 Oh! This must be yours. 188 00:08:56,286 --> 00:08:57,579 Thank god. 189 00:08:57,663 --> 00:09:00,457 Oh, no. Now that I don't have a room, can I stay with you? 190 00:09:03,085 --> 00:09:06,714 No. You know what, I would say yes, but you can't. 191 00:09:06,797 --> 00:09:07,881 And I'll tell you why. 192 00:09:07,965 --> 00:09:08,965 Please. 193 00:09:09,007 --> 00:09:10,217 If I have a woman up there 194 00:09:10,300 --> 00:09:11,552 and things are getting amorous, 195 00:09:11,635 --> 00:09:14,054 she's going to get turned off if she looks in the bathroom 196 00:09:14,138 --> 00:09:17,099 and she sees you brushing your teeth with butter and Clay, okay? 197 00:09:17,182 --> 00:09:20,352 Okay, okay. Ah, ha-ha! That was a test and you have failed 198 00:09:20,436 --> 00:09:22,604 for this is my room, okay? 199 00:09:22,730 --> 00:09:24,650 You would not share with me. I don't have a room? 200 00:09:24,732 --> 00:09:26,316 No, you do not. Okay. 201 00:09:26,442 --> 00:09:29,403 Ooh! You must pass the dungeon wisdom test. 202 00:09:29,486 --> 00:09:30,571 Jerk. It worked. 203 00:09:30,654 --> 00:09:35,284 When Mary was denied a room at the inn, Jesus was born. 204 00:09:36,368 --> 00:09:39,538 When Michael was denied a room at the inn, 205 00:09:39,621 --> 00:09:43,167 we don't know what happens because that story hasn't been told yet. 206 00:09:45,127 --> 00:09:47,296 Mr. and Mrs. Stanley Hudson. 207 00:09:47,880 --> 00:09:51,925 Hey, Stanley, favor. Could I stay in your room tonight? 208 00:09:52,009 --> 00:09:54,428 Are you out of your mind? I brought Cynthia with me. 209 00:09:54,511 --> 00:09:56,221 Not in the same bed. In the other bed. 210 00:09:56,305 --> 00:09:58,182 I got one queen-sized bed. 211 00:09:58,265 --> 00:10:00,350 You are kidding me. 212 00:10:00,684 --> 00:10:03,061 A queen-sized bed is five feet wide. 213 00:10:03,145 --> 00:10:04,330 I am not five feet wide, Michael. 214 00:10:04,354 --> 00:10:07,608 I'm not a physics major, Stanley. I'm just saying, be careful. 215 00:10:07,691 --> 00:10:10,903 Hey, guys. Hey, could I stay in your room tonight? 216 00:10:11,028 --> 00:10:12,613 Oh, gross. Blow my brains out. 217 00:10:12,696 --> 00:10:14,156 That's rude. 218 00:10:14,406 --> 00:10:17,284 Michael, I have an extra twin bed if you want. 219 00:10:17,367 --> 00:10:20,162 You are going to be sleeping by yourself for the rest of your life, 220 00:10:20,245 --> 00:10:22,706 so you should just get used to it. 221 00:10:23,248 --> 00:10:26,794 So, which one is Pam's grandma? 222 00:10:27,294 --> 00:10:30,172 Oh, meemaw? She's the one in the teal suit. 223 00:10:30,255 --> 00:10:32,883 She's the only 80-year-old with no smile wrinkles. 224 00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:35,719 Dad, remember, no mention of the baby, right? 225 00:10:36,887 --> 00:10:38,527 Yeah, yeah, yeah, she's very conservative. 226 00:10:38,555 --> 00:10:40,307 So, mum's the word. 227 00:10:40,390 --> 00:10:42,351 Mom, dad, this is Michael Scott. How you doing? 228 00:10:42,434 --> 00:10:43,477 Hi. Nice to meet you. 229 00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:45,229 Nice to meet you. Who's doing a toast? 230 00:10:45,312 --> 00:10:47,207 I would like to go third, sort of bat cleanup if... 231 00:10:47,231 --> 00:10:49,024 Michael, I thought we discussed 232 00:10:49,107 --> 00:10:51,735 that we'd rather you not speak, like, at all. 233 00:10:51,819 --> 00:10:54,238 Because it's just going to be blood relatives, I think. 234 00:10:54,321 --> 00:10:56,323 That is seriously going to impede my ability 235 00:10:56,406 --> 00:10:58,659 to hook up with your female relatives. 236 00:10:59,409 --> 00:11:01,161 Pretty sure everybody heard that. 237 00:11:01,245 --> 00:11:02,704 Didn't move my lips. 238 00:11:06,291 --> 00:11:07,751 Hey, meemaw. 239 00:11:08,794 --> 00:11:11,964 I wasn't sure about your branch of the family 240 00:11:12,464 --> 00:11:15,259 after I heard about your parents' divorce. 241 00:11:15,592 --> 00:11:19,763 But you and Jim are just perfect. 242 00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:22,015 God bless you. 243 00:11:22,099 --> 00:11:24,935 Thank you, but nobody's perfect. 244 00:11:25,894 --> 00:11:28,981 Well, iwouldn't care to live if I thought that. 245 00:11:32,150 --> 00:11:33,235 Mr. Beesly, how are you? 246 00:11:33,318 --> 00:11:35,279 I'd like you to meet kristy Kelly. 247 00:11:35,362 --> 00:11:37,698 Oh! Is this your niece? 248 00:11:39,408 --> 00:11:43,871 No, no. She's my girlfriend. Hey, can you make room at the head table? 249 00:11:43,954 --> 00:11:47,082 From quarter three to quarter four, up 17%. 250 00:11:47,332 --> 00:11:51,420 While his sales, down 2%. It's all there in the report. 251 00:11:51,503 --> 00:11:53,171 Why would they make the bad man your boss 252 00:11:53,255 --> 00:11:54,298 if you're so much smarter? 253 00:11:54,381 --> 00:11:57,384 Excellent question. Because while I was busy 254 00:11:57,467 --> 00:12:01,138 trying to improve the company and make it a success, Jim... 255 00:12:01,847 --> 00:12:05,392 The bad man was busy kissing the boss man's butt. 256 00:12:05,559 --> 00:12:06,560 Children: Ew! 257 00:12:06,643 --> 00:12:10,439 That's right. It is ew. It's very ew. 258 00:12:10,981 --> 00:12:14,610 Oscar, Kevin, this is my sister, penny. She's also my maid of honor. 259 00:12:14,693 --> 00:12:16,028 Pleased to meet you. 260 00:12:16,111 --> 00:12:19,197 I'm sorry, it's Kevin? I thought it was Gil. 261 00:12:20,490 --> 00:12:22,868 She thought I was your boyfriend. 262 00:12:23,452 --> 00:12:26,288 You thought I was dating this? 263 00:12:26,371 --> 00:12:27,789 What the hell is wrong with you? 264 00:12:27,873 --> 00:12:30,417 Oscar, it was an honest mistake. 265 00:12:30,500 --> 00:12:31,919 Him? Him? 266 00:12:32,169 --> 00:12:34,588 Oscar, I would be proud to date you. 267 00:12:34,671 --> 00:12:35,756 I'm sorry. 268 00:12:35,839 --> 00:12:37,633 I'm not gay. I'm Kevin. 269 00:12:37,716 --> 00:12:39,426 Nice to meet you, Kevin. 270 00:12:39,509 --> 00:12:41,053 Yeah. You owe me an apology. 271 00:12:41,136 --> 00:12:42,155 I'm so sorry. I didn't mean... 272 00:12:42,179 --> 00:12:43,406 Are you seeing anyone right now? 273 00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:44,657 She has a boyfriend. He's out of town. 274 00:12:44,681 --> 00:12:46,516 Cool thank you. 275 00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:49,019 I was the youngest vp in company history. 276 00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:51,438 More recently, he worked in a bowling alley. 277 00:12:51,521 --> 00:12:54,566 Tell her one of your funny bowling alley stories. 278 00:12:54,650 --> 00:12:58,028 How did Meredith get put at the young people's table? 279 00:12:58,111 --> 00:13:00,614 She probably switched cards with someone. 280 00:13:00,697 --> 00:13:02,366 Like I did with Erin. 281 00:13:03,492 --> 00:13:08,205 What? You can't... that's... you're... 282 00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:12,292 Jim and Pam, I can't tell you how happy I am to be here. 283 00:13:13,627 --> 00:13:16,254 Head table, where I belong. 284 00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:18,048 It's just for family. 285 00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:20,342 Well, who's that one? 286 00:13:23,470 --> 00:13:25,931 Isabel poreba. I got stuff on her. 287 00:13:27,724 --> 00:13:31,436 In 1996, her 10th grade volleyball team went ten and two. 288 00:13:32,854 --> 00:13:35,649 What am I supposed to do with that, Dwight? 289 00:13:35,732 --> 00:13:36,984 That's a very good record. 290 00:13:37,067 --> 00:13:39,736 All right, so I'll be like, "he is so sweet, guys, and so kind." 291 00:13:39,820 --> 00:13:41,220 That's when I'll do the face like... 292 00:13:41,279 --> 00:13:42,614 Like, "what?" Right. 293 00:13:42,698 --> 00:13:44,384 And then we'll just give him a little punch to the back. 294 00:13:44,408 --> 00:13:45,826 A noogie. Although, you know what? 295 00:13:45,909 --> 00:13:47,011 Never too married for a noogie. 296 00:13:47,035 --> 00:13:48,161 Neven 297 00:13:48,245 --> 00:13:52,082 they have hilarious material and they're going to totally deliver it wrong. 298 00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:55,711 I would kill with the brother stuff. It should be me up there. 299 00:13:55,794 --> 00:13:58,755 It should be me and Pete, not Pete and Tom. 300 00:14:00,215 --> 00:14:03,135 Pam, you've got the greatest smile 301 00:14:03,218 --> 00:14:05,012 and your body is really fine. 302 00:14:05,095 --> 00:14:06,138 Smoking. 303 00:14:06,221 --> 00:14:08,807 Hoping it'll make our wives kick it up a notch. 304 00:14:08,890 --> 00:14:10,809 A little more cardio. 305 00:14:11,518 --> 00:14:13,478 That's not appropriate. 306 00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:16,815 Hello. Hi, everybody. 307 00:14:16,898 --> 00:14:19,359 I promised iwasn't going to make a toast and I'm not going to. 308 00:14:19,443 --> 00:14:21,403 Just going to do a little freestanding comedy, 309 00:14:21,486 --> 00:14:22,529 and if at the end 310 00:14:22,612 --> 00:14:24,781 everybody wants to raise their glasses to Pam and Jim, 311 00:14:24,865 --> 00:14:26,408 then so be it. 312 00:14:27,451 --> 00:14:31,204 Hey, what is the deal with the smart car? 313 00:14:31,288 --> 00:14:33,999 How smart is that? Those things are tiny. 314 00:14:34,082 --> 00:14:35,751 Can you even drive them in traffic? 315 00:14:35,834 --> 00:14:41,048 "Oh, I'm so smart. E equals mc squared. I drive a smart car." 316 00:14:41,131 --> 00:14:42,632 That's not smart in my book. 317 00:14:42,716 --> 00:14:44,968 The real smart car is kitt, 318 00:14:45,052 --> 00:14:46,279 from knight rider. Knight rider. 319 00:14:46,303 --> 00:14:49,848 That's a car that can talk. Can smart car talk? 320 00:14:49,931 --> 00:14:51,933 Nope. That's not smart. No. 321 00:14:52,017 --> 00:14:53,244 And also chitty chitty bang bang. 322 00:14:53,268 --> 00:14:54,269 Dwight: Very smart. 323 00:14:54,352 --> 00:14:57,481 And everybody canlaugh. 324 00:14:58,231 --> 00:15:01,068 It doesn't have to just be the idiots. Everybody can laugh. 325 00:15:01,151 --> 00:15:02,736 Nope. Yeah, go ahead. 326 00:15:02,819 --> 00:15:04,714 Jim: All right. Hey, everyone. Thanks for coming. 327 00:15:04,738 --> 00:15:05,739 Pete: Douche! 328 00:15:05,822 --> 00:15:07,175 Aw! Thanks, Pete. That was really nice. 329 00:15:07,199 --> 00:15:09,659 I just want to say how happy we are 330 00:15:09,743 --> 00:15:11,161 that all of you are here tonight. 331 00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:13,371 And I want to especially thank those of you 332 00:15:13,455 --> 00:15:16,875 who have traveled from far away to be here with us tonight. 333 00:15:16,958 --> 00:15:19,127 Especially the Florida cousins, 334 00:15:19,211 --> 00:15:20,921 who obviously can't take a hint. 335 00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:25,133 Four years ago, I was just a guy 336 00:15:25,217 --> 00:15:27,636 who had a crush on a girl who had a boyfriend. 337 00:15:28,136 --> 00:15:31,348 And I had to do the hardest thing that I've ever had to do, 338 00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:33,600 which was just to wait. 339 00:15:35,519 --> 00:15:37,437 Don't get me wrong, I flirted with her. 340 00:15:37,521 --> 00:15:39,564 Pam, I can now admit in front of friends and family 341 00:15:39,648 --> 00:15:41,233 that I do know how to make a photocopy. 342 00:15:42,359 --> 00:15:44,319 Didn't need your help that many times. 343 00:15:44,402 --> 00:15:46,363 And do you remember how long it took you 344 00:15:46,446 --> 00:15:47,906 to teach me how to drive stick? 345 00:15:47,989 --> 00:15:49,699 Like a year. 346 00:15:49,783 --> 00:15:51,451 I've been driving stick since high school. 347 00:15:52,619 --> 00:15:56,289 So, yes, yes. For a really long time that's all I had. 348 00:15:56,373 --> 00:16:00,252 I just had little moments with a girl who saw me as a friend. 349 00:16:00,335 --> 00:16:03,630 And a lot of people told me I was crazy to wait this long 350 00:16:03,713 --> 00:16:05,632 for a date with a girl who I worked with, 351 00:16:05,715 --> 00:16:08,301 but I think even then I knew that 352 00:16:09,719 --> 00:16:11,596 I was waiting for my wife. 353 00:16:12,722 --> 00:16:15,517 So, I would like to propose a toast. 354 00:16:16,518 --> 00:16:20,063 So, if you'd all raise your glasses, not Pam, for obvious reasons. 355 00:16:20,188 --> 00:16:22,041 But everyone else, if you would raise your glasses... 356 00:16:22,065 --> 00:16:25,318 What's obvious? Why can't Pam drink? 357 00:16:25,944 --> 00:16:28,905 Pam can't drink? Who... I didn't... I shouldn't have said that. 358 00:16:28,989 --> 00:16:31,616 I don't know why I did. She can do whatever she wants. 359 00:16:31,700 --> 00:16:35,662 Though she shouldn't. She shouldn't because she's an alcoholic. 360 00:16:35,745 --> 00:16:36,788 Pam is an alcoholic. 361 00:16:36,872 --> 00:16:37,872 Man: Jim. 362 00:16:37,914 --> 00:16:40,000 That's not true. No. 363 00:16:41,376 --> 00:16:45,881 What we wanted... the real reason 364 00:16:47,257 --> 00:16:49,009 is that Pam's pregnant. 365 00:16:50,677 --> 00:16:52,387 Okay, okay, okay. 366 00:16:52,470 --> 00:16:56,683 Hey, what I think Jim is trying to say is that 367 00:16:58,101 --> 00:16:59,644 they had an accident. 368 00:16:59,728 --> 00:17:04,816 And you know what? These two people, they're living together, 369 00:17:04,900 --> 00:17:07,402 they are having lots of consensual sex. 370 00:17:07,485 --> 00:17:09,196 They were living together? 371 00:17:09,279 --> 00:17:11,489 Yes, yes, they were living together. Yes. 372 00:17:11,573 --> 00:17:17,412 And you know what? You can't expect them to be careful every time, 373 00:17:17,495 --> 00:17:19,706 because, frankly, it's just a different sensafion. 374 00:17:19,789 --> 00:17:21,374 Michael. When you come... well? 375 00:17:21,458 --> 00:17:23,543 Am I wrong? They say it's not different, 376 00:17:23,627 --> 00:17:24,896 but it's a different sensafion_. 377 00:17:24,920 --> 00:17:26,087 Jim: Oh, my god, no, please. 378 00:17:26,171 --> 00:17:29,591 When you use something to block... 379 00:17:29,674 --> 00:17:32,385 I think everybody knows what I am talking about. 380 00:17:32,469 --> 00:17:33,988 It's not necessarily different for the woman. 381 00:17:34,012 --> 00:17:35,055 Pam: Michael. 382 00:17:35,138 --> 00:17:36,949 Michael: But it is different... okay, okay, okay. 383 00:17:36,973 --> 00:17:38,433 Michael, stop. 384 00:17:38,516 --> 00:17:39,893 All right. 385 00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:43,063 My point is, I said what I wanted to say. 386 00:17:43,146 --> 00:17:45,523 And, meemaw, I hope you heard every word. 387 00:17:45,982 --> 00:17:48,318 All right. Jim. 388 00:17:51,112 --> 00:17:52,322 To waiting. 389 00:17:52,405 --> 00:17:53,490 Man: To waiting. 390 00:17:53,531 --> 00:17:55,283 Gerald: Okay. Woman: To waiting. 391 00:17:58,828 --> 00:18:00,580 I should have known. 392 00:18:01,623 --> 00:18:06,253 The hotel's television set had a movie on called bru'no last night. 393 00:18:06,336 --> 00:18:08,755 The remote control had so darn many buttons on it, 394 00:18:08,838 --> 00:18:10,215 I couldn't turn it off. 395 00:18:10,298 --> 00:18:13,343 So, I had to just sit there while it happened to me. 396 00:18:13,426 --> 00:18:17,430 I wondered, "how could they pick such a hotel?" 397 00:18:19,099 --> 00:18:22,143 Hmm. Now I know. 398 00:18:22,227 --> 00:18:23,436 Meemaw. 399 00:18:25,897 --> 00:18:27,708 I think it was a little touch-and-go at first, 400 00:18:27,732 --> 00:18:28,775 but we saved it, ibeheve. 401 00:18:28,858 --> 00:18:30,944 I can't believe it was me. 402 00:18:31,695 --> 00:18:34,114 I know. I can't believe it was you, either. 403 00:18:34,197 --> 00:18:37,450 I actually think it takes a lot of pressure off of me. 404 00:18:37,534 --> 00:18:39,053 Is there something about being a manager 405 00:18:39,077 --> 00:18:40,221 that makes you say stupid things? 406 00:18:40,245 --> 00:18:41,514 I have not found that to be the case. 407 00:18:41,538 --> 00:18:42,622 Hey, smooth guys. 408 00:18:42,706 --> 00:18:43,790 I am so sorry. 409 00:18:43,873 --> 00:18:45,351 Can you believe it? He screwed up, not me. 410 00:18:45,375 --> 00:18:46,686 Meemaw's not coming to the wedding. 411 00:18:46,710 --> 00:18:48,128 She's leaving tomorrow morning. 412 00:18:48,211 --> 00:18:49,504 Oh, my god. Are you serious? 413 00:18:49,587 --> 00:18:51,423 There's going to be a free room? 414 00:18:59,389 --> 00:19:02,309 Hi, meemaw. It's Michael. 415 00:19:02,392 --> 00:19:05,937 Oh! You're that foul man that kept talking about intercourse. 416 00:19:06,021 --> 00:19:08,648 Yes. Yep, one and the same. May I? 417 00:19:10,066 --> 00:19:11,985 Michael: I am actually great with old women. 418 00:19:12,068 --> 00:19:16,072 In fact, for the longest time my best friend was my grandmother. 419 00:19:16,740 --> 00:19:19,284 And then she met Harriet, 420 00:19:19,367 --> 00:19:21,494 and now she thinks she's better than everybody. 421 00:19:22,579 --> 00:19:25,373 I want to go to bed, but I can't. 422 00:19:25,457 --> 00:19:27,459 I can't turn that television off. 423 00:19:27,584 --> 00:19:32,297 Oh! Okay, well. Hook you up there. 424 00:19:32,422 --> 00:19:33,423 Oh! 425 00:19:33,923 --> 00:19:35,175 Thank you. You're welcome. 426 00:19:35,258 --> 00:19:37,552 It was that horrible Charlie Rose. 427 00:19:37,635 --> 00:19:40,972 Oh. Isn't he terrible? May I? 428 00:19:41,431 --> 00:19:43,099 Here's the thing. 429 00:19:45,518 --> 00:19:48,104 Meemaw, I think you just need to chill out 430 00:19:48,188 --> 00:19:50,940 about this whole "Pam getting pregnant" thing. 431 00:19:51,024 --> 00:19:53,985 It's not 1890 anymore. It's modern day. 432 00:19:54,069 --> 00:19:56,988 And women have sex before marriage. 433 00:19:57,072 --> 00:19:58,615 And I think we need to celebrate that. 434 00:19:59,199 --> 00:20:02,702 And I know, in your day, she would be considered a whore. 435 00:20:02,786 --> 00:20:06,915 But now, women go out and they have sex, 436 00:20:06,998 --> 00:20:09,876 and they get wild, and they take their tops off. 437 00:20:09,959 --> 00:20:12,253 And they have pictures taken of them. 438 00:20:12,337 --> 00:20:14,506 And we need to encourage that. That's part of life. 439 00:20:14,589 --> 00:20:16,883 People are like cats and dogs these days. 440 00:20:16,966 --> 00:20:18,093 Exactly. 441 00:20:18,176 --> 00:20:20,011 This used to be such a great country. 442 00:20:20,095 --> 00:20:21,137 I know. 443 00:20:21,221 --> 00:20:23,056 I don't know what happened to it. 444 00:20:23,139 --> 00:20:25,266 They're going to name the baby after you, you know. 445 00:20:25,350 --> 00:20:26,851 They're going to call it meemaw. 446 00:20:26,935 --> 00:20:29,020 You mean Sylvia. 447 00:20:29,104 --> 00:20:30,146 Yes. 448 00:20:30,522 --> 00:20:33,483 And if it's a boy they will call it silvio. 449 00:20:34,401 --> 00:20:36,611 Party, room 639. 450 00:20:36,694 --> 00:20:37,737 Kevin: Yes. 451 00:20:37,821 --> 00:20:40,907 Chicks are going to be off the hook. Guys, too, Oscar. 452 00:20:40,990 --> 00:20:42,409 Like Calvin klein models. 453 00:20:42,492 --> 00:20:44,285 That sounds epic. 454 00:20:44,369 --> 00:20:45,537 Can we bring anything? 455 00:20:45,620 --> 00:20:46,746 Nothing. 456 00:20:46,830 --> 00:20:50,667 Except for $40 for beer and any hot chicks you know. 457 00:20:50,750 --> 00:20:53,586 Because that would help me deliver on some promises I made. 458 00:20:53,670 --> 00:20:54,671 Whoo! 459 00:20:54,754 --> 00:20:59,300 No one from the office has been to a real Bernard throw-down. 460 00:20:59,384 --> 00:21:02,637 If I was a girl, I would seriously reconsider coming to this party. 461 00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:06,516 But don't tell them that I said that because I want them there. 462 00:21:13,189 --> 00:21:14,774 And where do you think you're going? 463 00:21:14,858 --> 00:21:17,360 I was just going to go down to the hotel bar for a little bit. 464 00:21:17,444 --> 00:21:18,963 Well, why don't I just save you some time 465 00:21:18,987 --> 00:21:21,281 and kick you in the stomach instead? 466 00:21:21,364 --> 00:21:23,342 I just wanted to get out of my room for a little while. 467 00:21:23,366 --> 00:21:24,451 Mmm-hmm? 468 00:21:24,534 --> 00:21:26,911 Okay, I'll go with you. Come on. 469 00:21:27,871 --> 00:21:29,581 Never mind. 470 00:21:29,664 --> 00:21:30,790 Are you sure? Yeah. 471 00:21:30,874 --> 00:21:32,417 Could be fun. No. 472 00:21:32,500 --> 00:21:33,793 What are you wearing? 473 00:21:33,877 --> 00:21:36,212 Come on. It's a casual, social outfit. 474 00:21:36,296 --> 00:21:38,023 Looks like you're going to a fish fry, Dwight. 475 00:21:38,047 --> 00:21:39,340 No, they're howling at the moon. 476 00:21:39,424 --> 00:21:42,427 It's suggestive to women because of howling during sex. 477 00:21:42,510 --> 00:21:43,636 Okay. 478 00:21:44,888 --> 00:21:45,972 That's not appropriate. 479 00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:49,559 Uncooi uncool, Dwight. 480 00:21:52,520 --> 00:21:54,397 Okay, okay. Come on, let's go. 481 00:21:56,149 --> 00:21:58,193 Good, it's good. No, it's not a good idea. 482 00:21:58,276 --> 00:22:00,278 There's no such thing as a good hairpiece. 483 00:22:00,361 --> 00:22:02,989 Yeah, but that's easy enough for you to say, Oscar. 484 00:22:03,072 --> 00:22:06,784 You have that thick, beautiful chicano hair. 485 00:22:07,160 --> 00:22:08,786 So nice. 486 00:22:10,455 --> 00:22:12,373 I'm just worried about the farm, you know? 487 00:22:12,457 --> 00:22:14,584 Mose hates to geld the horses by himself. 488 00:22:14,667 --> 00:22:16,503 Dwight, Dwight, shut up about the farm. 489 00:22:16,586 --> 00:22:18,338 It's not relatable. Nobody owns a farm. 490 00:22:18,421 --> 00:22:22,175 Wait, you're worried about your horses? That's cool. 491 00:22:22,258 --> 00:22:24,219 How many horses do you have? 492 00:22:24,302 --> 00:22:26,054 Nine and three-quarters. 493 00:22:26,137 --> 00:22:29,098 I invented a device called "burger on the go." 494 00:22:29,182 --> 00:22:33,561 It allows you to obtain six regular-sized hamburgers or twelve sliders 495 00:22:33,645 --> 00:22:36,523 from a horse without killing the animal. 496 00:22:36,606 --> 00:22:38,691 George foreman is still considering it. 497 00:22:38,775 --> 00:22:40,044 Sharper image is still considering it. 498 00:22:40,068 --> 00:22:41,402 Sky mall is still considering it. 499 00:22:41,486 --> 00:22:44,364 Hammacher schlemmer is still considering it. 500 00:22:44,739 --> 00:22:46,282 Sears said no. 501 00:22:54,332 --> 00:22:57,627 Toy story, finding Nemo, up. 502 00:22:57,710 --> 00:23:00,547 I bawl the entire time. I cannot watch pixar. 503 00:23:00,630 --> 00:23:01,631 Michael. Yes? 504 00:23:01,714 --> 00:23:03,383 Drop this one, abort. Why? 505 00:23:03,466 --> 00:23:05,718 I found twins. 506 00:23:05,802 --> 00:23:07,595 Oh, my god. Twins. 507 00:23:08,179 --> 00:23:11,182 I'm sorry, you understand. Nice to meet you. 508 00:23:13,351 --> 00:23:15,478 Aren't they magnificent? 509 00:23:18,273 --> 00:23:20,149 They're men, Dwight. 510 00:23:20,275 --> 00:23:22,235 I love finding a good set of twins. 511 00:23:22,318 --> 00:23:24,404 Something is wrong with you. 512 00:23:28,616 --> 00:23:31,244 Yeah, Meredith. That's cool. 513 00:23:33,997 --> 00:23:39,460 You call that a robot? Try being more robotic, okay? Like this. 514 00:23:42,672 --> 00:23:44,674 Lame. What else you got, Andy? 515 00:23:44,757 --> 00:23:46,676 How about a little bit of this? 516 00:23:48,344 --> 00:23:50,763 Oh, yeah? What else you got? 517 00:23:50,847 --> 00:23:53,099 Yeah, what else you got? 518 00:23:53,683 --> 00:23:55,935 Did someone change my name to baskin Robbins? 519 00:23:56,019 --> 00:23:58,521 Because I feel like a banana split. 520 00:23:59,981 --> 00:24:01,065 Whoo! 521 00:24:05,695 --> 00:24:06,988 What else you got? 522 00:24:07,071 --> 00:24:09,282 Oh! All right. Easy. Easy. 523 00:24:09,365 --> 00:24:10,575 Cynthia: Easy, easy. 524 00:24:10,658 --> 00:24:14,162 It's going to be fine, it's going to be fine. Pam's here. 525 00:24:16,331 --> 00:24:17,373 Pam? 526 00:24:20,710 --> 00:24:22,420 I was dancing and I did a split 527 00:24:22,503 --> 00:24:25,214 andllanded on my car keys in my pocket. 528 00:24:25,465 --> 00:24:26,591 What? 529 00:24:26,674 --> 00:24:30,261 I tore my scrotum. I need you to take me to the hospital. 530 00:24:31,638 --> 00:24:34,432 Andy, I'm getting married in eight hours. 531 00:24:34,807 --> 00:24:38,519 Everyone else is too drunk. Just don't let me die here. 532 00:24:38,603 --> 00:24:41,522 Hey, hey, where are you? Can you take Andy to the hospital? 533 00:24:41,606 --> 00:24:42,607 Jim: What? 534 00:24:42,690 --> 00:24:44,317 He tore his scrotum dancing. 535 00:24:44,400 --> 00:24:45,401 What? 536 00:24:45,485 --> 00:24:46,944 He is in my room icing his balls. 537 00:24:47,070 --> 00:24:48,988 What? Please stop saying "what." 538 00:24:49,072 --> 00:24:50,073 Can you take him? 539 00:24:50,156 --> 00:24:51,324 Look, I would so take him 540 00:24:51,407 --> 00:24:52,492 in any other circumstance, 541 00:24:52,575 --> 00:24:55,119 but I'm pretty certain I'm completely wasted. 542 00:24:55,203 --> 00:24:56,871 Your brothers took you out drinking? 543 00:24:56,954 --> 00:24:58,456 Uh... Michael: Is that Pam? 544 00:24:58,539 --> 00:25:02,794 Hey, have her come out. Have her come out. It'll be like coyote ugly. 545 00:25:02,877 --> 00:25:04,629 That's Michael. You're out with Michael? 546 00:25:04,712 --> 00:25:06,422 Jim: And Dwight. Dwight: Hey-oh! 547 00:25:06,506 --> 00:25:07,566 Jim: Pam, it just happened. 548 00:25:07,590 --> 00:25:09,676 Okay, fine. I'll take him. 549 00:25:09,759 --> 00:25:11,344 Jim: Llove you. Okay. I got to go. 550 00:25:11,427 --> 00:25:12,679 Michael: Llove you. 551 00:25:13,262 --> 00:25:14,323 Are you pushing me off the phone? 552 00:25:14,347 --> 00:25:16,224 Jim: No. Let's talk for a long time. 553 00:25:16,307 --> 00:25:17,600 Goodbye. 554 00:25:17,767 --> 00:25:18,851 Mmm. 555 00:25:19,519 --> 00:25:21,312 It's after midnight. 556 00:25:21,771 --> 00:25:23,898 You're married. He's married. 557 00:25:23,981 --> 00:25:25,983 That's not how that works. 558 00:25:26,109 --> 00:25:27,902 Oh, my god. Congratulations. 559 00:25:27,985 --> 00:25:29,171 You're not going to be able to talk back. 560 00:25:29,195 --> 00:25:30,405 You'll have Pam to answer to. 561 00:25:30,488 --> 00:25:32,198 She'll be sitting at home saying, 562 00:25:32,281 --> 00:25:34,200 "Jim, take the baby to the zoo, 563 00:25:34,283 --> 00:25:37,036 "because I want to sit at home and eat bonbons 564 00:25:37,120 --> 00:25:39,580 "and clip my toenails." 565 00:25:39,664 --> 00:25:43,668 "Jim, hey, why don't you braid my hair? I want to watch TV." 566 00:25:43,751 --> 00:25:45,044 Now you sound like Kermit. 567 00:25:45,378 --> 00:25:47,046 Are you sure this is the right way? 568 00:25:47,130 --> 00:25:50,508 Nope. I, like you, have never been here before. 569 00:25:51,843 --> 00:25:54,303 Well, at least slow down a little bit 570 00:25:54,387 --> 00:25:59,767 because every little bump in the road is major pain on my scrotum. 571 00:25:59,851 --> 00:26:01,894 Look, I'm not the one who asked you to do a split 572 00:26:01,978 --> 00:26:03,646 when you've never done one before. 573 00:26:03,730 --> 00:26:05,749 Well, I was trying to liven things up a little bit, okay? 574 00:26:05,773 --> 00:26:07,042 I was kind of doing your job, so... 575 00:26:07,066 --> 00:26:08,234 My job? 576 00:26:08,443 --> 00:26:11,487 My job is to get married in the morning. That's my job. 577 00:26:11,571 --> 00:26:13,823 Well, it's also to make sure we have a great time 578 00:26:13,906 --> 00:26:16,242 at your stupid wedding, so... 579 00:26:36,721 --> 00:26:37,990 I spent the night with the bride, 580 00:26:38,014 --> 00:26:41,142 the night before the wedding. Oh, yeah. 581 00:26:42,101 --> 00:26:44,312 She stepped on my hand on her way to the bathroom. 582 00:26:44,395 --> 00:26:48,024 Andy, did I dream that you were crying through the night? 583 00:26:48,399 --> 00:26:50,276 No. No, that was real. 584 00:26:57,950 --> 00:27:00,036 Why don't you take a picture? It'll last longer. 585 00:27:00,119 --> 00:27:02,747 God! Can I get a little privacy? 586 00:27:13,424 --> 00:27:14,967 Good morning, how can I help you? 587 00:27:15,051 --> 00:27:19,514 I left a pair of dress shoes in a bag outside my door last night 588 00:27:19,597 --> 00:27:23,559 to be cleaned and polished, but they haven't been returned yet. 589 00:27:23,643 --> 00:27:26,437 You must be Mr. Malone. One moment, please. 590 00:27:26,521 --> 00:27:27,563 Thank you. 591 00:27:27,647 --> 00:27:29,732 Sir, this is the man with the shoes. 592 00:27:32,235 --> 00:27:34,654 Mr. Malone, your shoes are gone. 593 00:27:35,446 --> 00:27:36,781 They were stolen? 594 00:27:36,864 --> 00:27:38,157 No, destroyed. 595 00:27:38,241 --> 00:27:39,242 What? 596 00:27:39,325 --> 00:27:43,412 When the bag was opened by our shoe-shine, the smell overcame him. 597 00:27:43,496 --> 00:27:46,207 I, too, smelled them and made the choice 598 00:27:46,290 --> 00:27:47,834 that they must be thrown away. 599 00:27:48,960 --> 00:27:50,419 Incinerated, actually. 600 00:27:50,503 --> 00:27:52,964 But that was my only pair of shoes. 601 00:27:53,047 --> 00:27:54,715 It became a safety issue, sir. 602 00:27:56,384 --> 00:27:59,136 Well... damn it! 603 00:27:59,762 --> 00:28:02,598 I can offer you a complimentary breakfast. 604 00:28:04,016 --> 00:28:05,101 Okay. 605 00:28:06,602 --> 00:28:09,480 You have everything? Cell phone, charger? 606 00:28:09,564 --> 00:28:11,023 Yeah. Mmm-hmm. 607 00:28:11,232 --> 00:28:12,668 So, you sure you don't want breakfast? 608 00:28:12,692 --> 00:28:14,443 It's the most important meal of the day. 609 00:28:14,527 --> 00:28:16,320 It really is. I'm not hungry. 610 00:28:16,404 --> 00:28:19,323 I ate a whole bunch of sunflower seeds after you went to sleep. 611 00:28:19,407 --> 00:28:21,951 And besides, I wouldn't want to take you away from Pam 612 00:28:22,034 --> 00:28:23,452 on the morning of her wedding. 613 00:28:23,536 --> 00:28:25,037 She needs you, Isabel 614 00:28:25,121 --> 00:28:27,164 that's really sweet, Dwight. 615 00:28:27,248 --> 00:28:28,433 So, I'll see you at the wedding? 616 00:28:28,457 --> 00:28:30,209 You know it. Okay. 617 00:28:31,043 --> 00:28:32,461 Okay, get out of here. 618 00:28:32,545 --> 00:28:34,046 Okay? Bye. 619 00:28:34,130 --> 00:28:36,090 Hey, good morning. Hi. 620 00:28:36,173 --> 00:28:37,174 It's about damn time. 621 00:28:37,258 --> 00:28:39,719 Ihavent gone to the bathroom in a day and a half. 622 00:28:39,802 --> 00:28:42,680 Oh, my god, Dwight! This room is a pit. 623 00:28:42,763 --> 00:28:45,975 Really? Hadn't noticed. Too busy knocking boots. 624 00:28:51,105 --> 00:28:53,149 How can you eat like that? 625 00:28:53,232 --> 00:28:55,526 I'm ravenous after a night of lovemaking. 626 00:28:55,610 --> 00:28:56,611 You? 627 00:28:56,694 --> 00:28:57,695 Yeah, I'm hungry. 628 00:28:57,778 --> 00:28:58,922 But I'm not going to make a pig out of myself. 629 00:28:58,946 --> 00:29:00,823 Hey, what was she like? 630 00:29:01,198 --> 00:29:05,161 She was cute. You know, she was hot. She was very hot. 631 00:29:05,745 --> 00:29:07,747 She made love like a tiger. 632 00:29:07,830 --> 00:29:10,374 Bride's side or groom's side or townie? 633 00:29:10,458 --> 00:29:11,751 She was from Europe. 634 00:29:11,834 --> 00:29:13,044 No kidding. Uh-huh. 635 00:29:13,127 --> 00:29:14,921 I bet she had hairy armpits. 636 00:29:15,004 --> 00:29:19,425 Isabel was nice, but I hope she doesn't think this is going anywhere. 637 00:29:20,635 --> 00:29:24,221 Wait a second. You're not into her? Are you kidding me? 638 00:29:24,305 --> 00:29:26,098 She's Pam's best friend. No. 639 00:29:26,182 --> 00:29:28,643 You guys could double-date. Swap, maybe? 640 00:29:28,726 --> 00:29:30,519 Oh, please. Put a gun in my mouth. 641 00:29:30,603 --> 00:29:31,854 No, you're crazy. 642 00:29:31,938 --> 00:29:34,106 Look, she's a dental hygienist from carbondale, 643 00:29:34,190 --> 00:29:36,734 and she makes love like one. She's a bumpkin. Pass. 644 00:29:36,817 --> 00:29:39,612 She's... okay, do you know how hard it is to be a hygienist? 645 00:29:39,695 --> 00:29:40,905 You have to take x-rays, 646 00:29:40,988 --> 00:29:43,366 you have to scrape the plaque off of people's teeth, 647 00:29:43,449 --> 00:29:44,951 you have to tell kids when to spit 648 00:29:45,034 --> 00:29:47,662 and make sure that they're not scared when the dentist comes in. 649 00:29:47,745 --> 00:29:48,996 It, it... 650 00:29:49,080 --> 00:29:50,998 You should ask her out. 651 00:29:51,248 --> 00:29:54,377 I already have my European girlfriend. 652 00:29:58,839 --> 00:30:01,884 If your hat hits me in the face one more time... 653 00:30:01,968 --> 00:30:05,972 That's funny. Your wife loved this hat the last time she saw it. 654 00:30:14,605 --> 00:30:16,315 Oh, my god. 655 00:30:16,440 --> 00:30:17,525 Oh! 656 00:30:18,317 --> 00:30:20,319 Oscar. Angela. 657 00:30:22,238 --> 00:30:24,407 Are you in a lot of pain? 658 00:30:24,490 --> 00:30:26,993 What, because of last night? No way. 659 00:30:27,076 --> 00:30:29,120 Reports have been exaggerated. 660 00:30:29,704 --> 00:30:31,664 Weddings make me very emotional. 661 00:30:31,747 --> 00:30:34,250 I just have that side to me. 662 00:30:34,625 --> 00:30:36,794 Yeah, people say you cry all the time. 663 00:30:36,877 --> 00:30:39,005 Well, that's not... 664 00:30:40,256 --> 00:30:42,550 Crotch injuries are the worst. 665 00:30:42,633 --> 00:30:44,301 You don't need to tell me. 666 00:30:45,219 --> 00:30:46,554 I wasn't telling you. 667 00:30:46,637 --> 00:30:48,014 There's still something there? 668 00:30:48,097 --> 00:30:49,473 Excuse me? 669 00:30:50,266 --> 00:30:52,268 They didn't get torn off? 670 00:30:52,601 --> 00:30:56,313 No, they didn't... nothing got torn off. Who told you that? 671 00:30:57,523 --> 00:30:59,734 I may have told some people that. 672 00:30:59,817 --> 00:31:02,028 I'm nervous. I'm about to get married. 673 00:31:03,154 --> 00:31:05,281 If you want to sit on this. 674 00:31:05,948 --> 00:31:09,535 I was thinking the wood might be too hard on your damaged penis. 675 00:31:09,618 --> 00:31:11,120 Make it softer. 676 00:31:14,665 --> 00:31:18,210 It's my scrotum, and it was. 677 00:31:18,294 --> 00:31:20,087 Sure. Thank you. 678 00:31:26,552 --> 00:31:27,636 Oh. Here we go. 679 00:31:27,720 --> 00:31:31,057 They asked for cash. But you know, I give them cash every week. 680 00:31:31,140 --> 00:31:33,684 So, how much cash does a person need? 681 00:31:33,768 --> 00:31:37,688 I have taken it upon myself to do something a little more special. 682 00:31:37,772 --> 00:31:41,317 I have painted a portrait of the two of them from memory. 683 00:31:44,653 --> 00:31:49,033 And I have another one of them in the nude. But that one is for me. 684 00:31:55,664 --> 00:31:59,668 I got them a set of turtle boiling pots, shell hammer and bibs. 685 00:32:02,046 --> 00:32:05,007 Is it zipping over your belly? Don't squish the baby. 686 00:32:05,091 --> 00:32:06,175 Pam: Thank you, weirdo. 687 00:32:06,258 --> 00:32:09,512 Everybody see kristy's stupid blonde extensions? 688 00:32:09,595 --> 00:32:11,722 It's like they were made from a plastic broom. 689 00:32:11,806 --> 00:32:13,474 Pam: Okay, here I come. 690 00:32:13,891 --> 00:32:15,267 Helene: Oh! Penny: Pam! 691 00:32:15,351 --> 00:32:18,437 Darling, you look beautiful. 692 00:32:18,521 --> 00:32:19,563 Thanks, mom. 693 00:32:20,189 --> 00:32:21,524 I hope he deserves you. 694 00:32:21,607 --> 00:32:22,650 He does. 695 00:32:22,733 --> 00:32:26,487 Are you sure? Remember, you don't have to do this. You don't. 696 00:32:26,570 --> 00:32:28,823 Mom, you're totally projecting and being a drag. 697 00:32:28,906 --> 00:32:30,282 Yes, thank you, mom. 698 00:32:30,366 --> 00:32:33,035 Hey, I'm going to go outside and talk to Dwight. 699 00:32:33,119 --> 00:32:36,080 Okay, great. Yeah, I'll see you in a second. 700 00:32:36,163 --> 00:32:37,206 Wait. What? 701 00:32:39,125 --> 00:32:40,376 Oh, no. 702 00:32:46,590 --> 00:32:47,591 Hey. 703 00:32:47,675 --> 00:32:48,902 Pam: Can you come here, please? 704 00:32:48,926 --> 00:32:50,511 Is this allowed? 705 00:32:50,594 --> 00:32:53,514 No, no. But I'm allowing it. Just come here. 706 00:32:55,057 --> 00:32:57,101 That was an intelligent comment. 707 00:32:57,184 --> 00:32:59,436 Hello, stranger. How do I look? 708 00:32:59,728 --> 00:33:02,982 Oh! Fine. Isabel? Nice to see you. 709 00:33:04,650 --> 00:33:06,318 What do you want? 710 00:33:07,987 --> 00:33:10,364 Nothing. Anymore. 711 00:33:11,198 --> 00:33:12,700 So, tell me again 712 00:33:12,783 --> 00:33:16,287 the difference between filene's and filene's basement. 713 00:33:17,371 --> 00:33:20,291 Hey, hey. He's not sitting with me, either. 714 00:33:20,958 --> 00:33:23,669 Where are you sitting? Do you need a seat buddy? 715 00:33:23,752 --> 00:33:25,004 I'm standing. I'm a bridesmaid. 716 00:33:25,087 --> 00:33:27,548 Oh. I wish I was a bridesmaid. 717 00:33:28,799 --> 00:33:30,301 Where am I gonna go? 718 00:33:30,926 --> 00:33:31,969 Hey. 719 00:33:33,429 --> 00:33:34,597 Wow. 720 00:33:36,432 --> 00:33:38,392 You look... terrible. 721 00:33:38,684 --> 00:33:40,227 So beautiful. 722 00:33:41,854 --> 00:33:43,022 Hey. 723 00:33:44,607 --> 00:33:46,317 My veil tore. 724 00:33:48,652 --> 00:33:51,697 I knew when we were getting married and I'm five months pregnant, 725 00:33:51,780 --> 00:33:54,950 that I'm not going to be able to wear the dress that I always wanted, 726 00:33:55,034 --> 00:33:56,744 or high heels. 727 00:33:56,827 --> 00:33:59,788 Hey, you look just as I imagined you. 728 00:34:01,040 --> 00:34:02,499 Pam, you're so pretty. 729 00:34:05,169 --> 00:34:06,170 Thank you. 730 00:34:07,129 --> 00:34:10,674 And who cares? It's a stupid veil, right? 731 00:34:11,592 --> 00:34:13,677 No, this is the one thing I was supposed 732 00:34:13,761 --> 00:34:16,263 to be able to control, was this veil. 733 00:34:17,473 --> 00:34:19,642 There. Now we're even. 734 00:34:35,616 --> 00:34:37,785 Everyone's driving me crazy. 735 00:34:38,827 --> 00:34:41,664 I know way too much about Andy's scrotum. 736 00:34:42,206 --> 00:34:43,874 And my mom won't stop freaking out 737 00:34:43,958 --> 00:34:46,252 about my dad's new girlfriend. 738 00:34:48,254 --> 00:34:51,382 This is supposed to be our wedding day. 739 00:34:51,465 --> 00:34:53,926 Why did we invite all these people? 740 00:35:10,609 --> 00:35:12,653 I think Pam ran away because she knew deep down 741 00:35:12,736 --> 00:35:14,446 she wouldn't be a good wife. 742 00:35:14,530 --> 00:35:15,530 Yes. 743 00:35:17,157 --> 00:35:18,284 What are you doing? 744 00:35:18,367 --> 00:35:20,494 I'm trying to decide if I have time to pee. 745 00:35:20,577 --> 00:35:21,680 How long do you take to pee? 746 00:35:21,704 --> 00:35:23,747 The peeing is fast, Oscar. 747 00:35:23,831 --> 00:35:26,000 It's getting my tie back on. 748 00:35:28,961 --> 00:35:33,132 Hey. Hi. Would you have a snack in your purse? 749 00:35:34,174 --> 00:35:36,302 You're a mom, I just figured you might have one. 750 00:35:36,385 --> 00:35:37,386 Yeah. 751 00:35:37,469 --> 00:35:39,179 Oh! Ooh! Apricot. 752 00:35:39,805 --> 00:35:42,558 Do you have any of the very Berry or ocean splash, or... 753 00:35:43,892 --> 00:35:45,728 Okay. Were you saving it? 754 00:35:46,186 --> 00:35:48,564 No, no. That's okay. I've just... 755 00:35:50,274 --> 00:35:52,693 I've had a very rough weekend. 756 00:35:52,776 --> 00:35:54,445 Oh, I'm sorry. 757 00:35:57,573 --> 00:35:59,658 Apricot. Made of real apes. 758 00:36:00,784 --> 00:36:02,828 Do you think they canceled the wedding? 759 00:36:02,911 --> 00:36:05,331 Relax, you'll get your shot at Jim. 760 00:36:05,414 --> 00:36:09,043 Those two treat the whole office like a 1970s key party. 761 00:36:10,836 --> 00:36:12,546 My weekend was bad so far. 762 00:36:12,629 --> 00:36:13,672 Oh! 763 00:36:14,256 --> 00:36:16,175 I came here hoping to meet somebody, 764 00:36:16,258 --> 00:36:18,510 you know, as you do at weddings. 765 00:36:20,137 --> 00:36:23,223 End up going to sleep by the vending machine. 766 00:36:24,141 --> 00:36:25,301 It was loud, but it was warm. 767 00:36:25,351 --> 00:36:26,602 That sounds awful. 768 00:36:26,685 --> 00:36:30,856 And the love of my life is dating somebody else. 769 00:36:31,273 --> 00:36:32,566 Just_ 770 00:36:33,484 --> 00:36:35,361 It is a terrible year for love. 771 00:36:35,444 --> 00:36:37,988 Yeah, I guess it is. 772 00:36:38,614 --> 00:36:41,283 Thinking about having my sperm frozen. 773 00:36:42,868 --> 00:36:44,411 Excuse me, you Michael Scott? 774 00:36:44,495 --> 00:36:45,537 Yeah. 775 00:36:45,621 --> 00:36:47,790 Heard you might have a whoopee cushion on you. 776 00:36:47,873 --> 00:36:49,768 Our sister's in the can and we totally want to get her 777 00:36:49,792 --> 00:36:50,834 when she comes back. 778 00:36:52,002 --> 00:36:55,547 Wow. That sounds hilarious. I do, actually. 779 00:36:55,631 --> 00:36:56,983 There you go, use it in good health. 780 00:36:57,007 --> 00:36:58,467 Tom: Yes. 781 00:36:59,468 --> 00:37:02,388 Wait a minute. What is the etiquette on taking the gifts? 782 00:37:02,471 --> 00:37:03,740 Can you only take your own back? 783 00:37:03,764 --> 00:37:06,183 Or is it a whatever-you-can-carry thing? 784 00:37:06,266 --> 00:37:09,269 Anyone have anything they want to trade for a toaster? 785 00:37:09,353 --> 00:37:11,230 Does it have slots for hot dogs? 786 00:37:12,564 --> 00:37:13,941 Who would want it? 787 00:37:14,024 --> 00:37:16,402 Guys, maybe we should wait a little more time 788 00:37:16,485 --> 00:37:17,986 before we start grabbing boxes. 789 00:37:20,489 --> 00:37:21,573 Dwight. 790 00:37:21,657 --> 00:37:23,468 I'd like to lodge a formal complaint against Jim 791 00:37:23,492 --> 00:37:25,411 for making us wait for over an hour. 792 00:37:25,494 --> 00:37:28,497 God. Crap! 793 00:37:34,044 --> 00:37:37,339 Come here, you. Get in there. 794 00:37:38,173 --> 00:37:41,218 Well, I guess this wedding is not going to happen. 795 00:37:41,301 --> 00:37:42,594 I wonder if this is it for them? 796 00:37:46,723 --> 00:37:48,434 Hey, what happened? Where were you guys? 797 00:37:48,517 --> 00:37:50,120 Do you know how long I've been waiting here? 798 00:37:50,144 --> 00:37:51,979 Well, we are here now, so let's go. 799 00:37:52,062 --> 00:37:53,313 Michael: Yes! Yes! 800 00:37:54,523 --> 00:37:59,528 I have so much joy in my heart right now. How do I look? 801 00:37:59,611 --> 00:38:00,612 You look great. 802 00:38:00,696 --> 00:38:02,030 You look great. 803 00:38:04,908 --> 00:38:06,618 Wear a tie much? 804 00:38:36,023 --> 00:38:37,024 Oh, boy. 805 00:38:42,070 --> 00:38:43,697 I begged them not to. 806 00:38:43,780 --> 00:38:44,823 Mmm-hmm. 807 00:38:44,907 --> 00:38:47,218 I know you specifically put this song on your do-not-play list. 808 00:38:47,242 --> 00:38:48,243 Yes, I did. 809 00:38:48,327 --> 00:38:49,328 I'm sorry. 810 00:38:50,787 --> 00:38:52,998 Go ahead, I think it's your turn. 811 00:38:53,081 --> 00:38:54,761 Wait, what happened? You're okay with this? 812 00:38:54,791 --> 00:38:56,460 Yeah, I'm okay. 813 00:38:56,543 --> 00:38:57,711 Okay, then. 814 00:38:59,087 --> 00:39:01,632 Hey, Pam? Did you see this? It was on YouTube. 815 00:39:01,715 --> 00:39:02,925 Saw it. 816 00:41:40,207 --> 00:41:44,044 Ibought those boat tickets the day I saw that YouTube video. 817 00:41:44,628 --> 00:41:45,962 I knew we'd need a backup plan. 818 00:41:46,046 --> 00:41:49,633 The boat was actually plan c. The church was plan b. 819 00:41:49,716 --> 00:41:54,262 And plan a was marrying her a long, long time ago. 820 00:41:55,722 --> 00:41:57,599 Pretty much the day I met her. 821 00:42:07,818 --> 00:42:12,447 What an awesome party! The best wedding I've ever been to. 822 00:42:12,531 --> 00:42:14,533 I got six numbers. 823 00:42:14,616 --> 00:42:17,994 One more would have been a complete telephone number. 824 00:42:19,538 --> 00:42:21,164 This was epic. 825 00:42:21,415 --> 00:42:25,544 My kleenex shoes were a huge conversation piece. 826 00:42:25,627 --> 00:42:29,297 But, man, my dogs are barking. 827 00:42:34,720 --> 00:42:35,804 Ooh! 828 00:42:36,513 --> 00:42:39,808 My feet were so sweaty, I can't even feel the cold. 829 00:42:41,518 --> 00:42:43,311 What a lovely hotel. 830 00:42:43,562 --> 00:42:44,563 Okay.