1 00:00:03,087 --> 00:00:04,755 Good morning, everybody. 2 00:00:04,839 --> 00:00:08,259 Who would like an authentic New York bagel, hmm? 3 00:00:08,342 --> 00:00:09,677 Stanley? Thank you. 4 00:00:09,760 --> 00:00:13,264 Oh, no, no, no. I got a pumpernickel just for you. 5 00:00:13,347 --> 00:00:15,683 Wow, h&h. 6 00:00:15,766 --> 00:00:18,853 You went all the way to new York city to get us bagels? 7 00:00:18,936 --> 00:00:21,522 Why? Is there a place closer that sells them? 8 00:00:21,606 --> 00:00:23,149 This is really nice, Dwight. Thanks. 9 00:00:23,232 --> 00:00:24,233 Thanks. 10 00:00:24,317 --> 00:00:25,610 Oh, don't mention it. 11 00:00:25,693 --> 00:00:28,613 You owe me one. You all owe me one. 12 00:00:28,696 --> 00:00:30,615 Good morning, Michael. Morning, Dwight. 13 00:00:30,698 --> 00:00:31,699 Hungry? 14 00:00:31,782 --> 00:00:33,701 No, lhad a fish stick sandwich. 15 00:00:33,784 --> 00:00:35,453 Actually, I had two fish stick sandwiches. 16 00:00:35,536 --> 00:00:37,288 My girlfriend didn't want hers, 17 00:00:37,371 --> 00:00:39,874 because I guess I'm the only aphrodisiac she needs. 18 00:00:39,999 --> 00:00:41,599 Yeah. Fish sticks are not an aphrodisiac. 19 00:00:41,626 --> 00:00:43,419 You're thinking of deer penis. It worked. 20 00:00:43,502 --> 00:00:45,838 Regardless, that was over two hours ago, 21 00:00:45,922 --> 00:00:48,633 and it is now a scientific fact that you are hungry. 22 00:00:48,716 --> 00:00:50,092 Bagel? 23 00:00:50,176 --> 00:00:51,552 I don't mind if I do. 24 00:00:51,636 --> 00:00:53,304 Okay, I brought cheese, too. 25 00:00:53,387 --> 00:00:54,615 I'm taking one for my lady friend. 26 00:00:54,639 --> 00:00:55,723 Excehent 27 00:00:55,806 --> 00:00:57,433 brain food. Thank you very much. 28 00:00:57,516 --> 00:00:58,517 Okay. 29 00:00:59,977 --> 00:01:01,062 You owe me. 30 00:01:01,145 --> 00:01:03,439 Can't a guy just buy some bagels for his friends, 31 00:01:03,522 --> 00:01:05,399 so they'll owe him a favor which he can use 32 00:01:05,483 --> 00:01:10,279 to get someone fired who stole a co-manager position from him anymore? 33 00:01:10,363 --> 00:01:14,408 Jeez, when did everyone get so cynical? 34 00:01:36,681 --> 00:01:38,516 Pam, would you care for a bagel? 35 00:01:38,599 --> 00:01:39,600 Oh, no, thank you. 36 00:01:39,684 --> 00:01:42,937 Oh, that's right, you're a woman and you need to refuse food the first time. 37 00:01:43,020 --> 00:01:44,939 I'll try again. 38 00:01:45,022 --> 00:01:47,275 Please, Pam, reconsider and have a bagel. 39 00:01:47,358 --> 00:01:49,193 I have an early lunch. 40 00:01:50,111 --> 00:01:52,297 Pam: Michael's been trying to get Jim and me to hang out 41 00:01:52,321 --> 00:01:54,323 ever since he started dating my mom. 42 00:01:54,407 --> 00:01:57,243 I don't know. I really hoped this thing would just die out, 43 00:01:57,326 --> 00:02:00,413 but today he's planning a birthday lunch for my mom. 44 00:02:00,496 --> 00:02:02,164 And we have to go. 45 00:02:02,873 --> 00:02:04,208 No way out. 46 00:02:05,835 --> 00:02:07,211 No way out. 47 00:02:08,045 --> 00:02:10,172 These are amazing. You took all these? 48 00:02:10,256 --> 00:02:13,342 I've always found beauty in uncommon places. 49 00:02:13,426 --> 00:02:15,720 Homeless people, graffiti. 50 00:02:15,803 --> 00:02:18,055 Photography lets me capture all that. 51 00:02:18,139 --> 00:02:19,724 Have you ever been photographed before? 52 00:02:19,807 --> 00:02:21,017 Oh, just by, like, friends. 53 00:02:21,100 --> 00:02:24,228 Well, here's what I've been doing around here. 54 00:02:24,312 --> 00:02:27,106 It's for a series on exposure in the workplace. 55 00:02:27,189 --> 00:02:29,275 Pammy? Hey! 56 00:02:31,819 --> 00:02:33,321 Happy birthday. Thank you. 57 00:02:33,404 --> 00:02:35,990 Girls, there they are. 58 00:02:36,073 --> 00:02:37,408 Birthday lunch. Birthday lunch. 59 00:02:37,491 --> 00:02:41,329 There's no better medicine than birthday lunch. 60 00:02:41,412 --> 00:02:43,914 It'll cure all of your, 61 00:02:43,998 --> 00:02:46,917 "gee, I don't know if Michael should be dating my mother." 62 00:02:47,001 --> 00:02:50,004 And fixes all occurrences of, 63 00:02:50,087 --> 00:02:52,423 "I don't really see them together." 64 00:02:52,506 --> 00:02:54,008 So, open wide, Pam, 65 00:02:54,091 --> 00:02:57,136 and take a big old spoonful of birthday lunch medicine. 66 00:02:57,219 --> 00:02:58,554 Take with food. 67 00:02:59,764 --> 00:03:03,434 Pam, aren't you going to introduce us to Michael's girlfriend? 68 00:03:03,517 --> 00:03:05,579 I think you guys all remember my mom from the wedding. 69 00:03:05,603 --> 00:03:07,355 Yeah, I think everyone's met helene. Hi. 70 00:03:07,438 --> 00:03:08,498 Michael: Shall we? Wait a minute, 71 00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:10,316 is that another birthday present for me? 72 00:03:10,399 --> 00:03:12,610 'Cause you already gave me a necklace. 73 00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:13,693 Oh, my god, I love it. 74 00:03:13,778 --> 00:03:15,797 Tell her how you gave it to me. No, that wouldn't be... 75 00:03:15,821 --> 00:03:19,200 He put it around my neck while I was still asleep this morning. 76 00:03:19,283 --> 00:03:20,594 Nice way to wake up. Michael: Yeah. 77 00:03:20,618 --> 00:03:24,538 The rest of the story has been censored due to inappropriocity. 78 00:03:24,622 --> 00:03:26,374 Because of sex? Kevin! 79 00:03:26,457 --> 00:03:28,793 Hey, please, Kevin. You're fired. 80 00:03:29,710 --> 00:03:32,129 Sorry, sorry, work with a bunch of idiots. Shall we go? 81 00:03:32,213 --> 00:03:33,589 Helene: Yes, let's go. 82 00:03:34,340 --> 00:03:35,633 Oh, wait. 83 00:03:35,716 --> 00:03:38,886 Swartz lumber's on the phone for you, Pam. And they say it's urgent. 84 00:03:38,969 --> 00:03:41,263 Oh, you guys, just one second. 85 00:03:43,307 --> 00:03:44,683 Oh, my gosh. 86 00:03:45,309 --> 00:03:46,977 Are you serious? 87 00:03:47,645 --> 00:03:48,771 Shipping emergency. 88 00:03:48,854 --> 00:03:50,134 I don't think I can go to lunch. 89 00:03:50,189 --> 00:03:53,526 Oh, man, that's crazy. Right as we were on our way out, too. 90 00:03:53,609 --> 00:03:55,569 I know. Isn't that always how it goes? 91 00:03:55,653 --> 00:03:57,905 Rarely, if ever. 92 00:03:57,988 --> 00:03:59,257 Let me give it a whirl, I'll talk to them. 93 00:03:59,281 --> 00:04:00,491 I will handle it. That's okay. 94 00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:02,326 Ifeelhkeits_. It's my pleasure. 95 00:04:02,410 --> 00:04:04,578 Hello? Well, that's great. 96 00:04:04,662 --> 00:04:06,622 Turns out, the paper was there all along. 97 00:04:06,705 --> 00:04:08,207 Oh, thank god. 98 00:04:09,291 --> 00:04:12,503 Something's up. That paper was never supposed to arrive. 99 00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:15,423 So, Pammy, are you still liking sales? 100 00:04:15,506 --> 00:04:17,174 Yeah, it's exciting. 101 00:04:18,676 --> 00:04:22,054 You know, Michael and iwere talking, 102 00:04:22,138 --> 00:04:24,265 and maybe, if you put in a little more 103 00:04:24,348 --> 00:04:28,102 face-to-face time with your clients, you could improve your sales. 104 00:04:28,185 --> 00:04:29,603 Pam's sales are fine, actually. 105 00:04:29,687 --> 00:04:32,106 Just want you to succeed, Pammy. 106 00:04:32,189 --> 00:04:34,626 You know what, we shouldn't even be talking about business today. 107 00:04:34,650 --> 00:04:35,650 Thank you. 108 00:04:35,693 --> 00:04:37,528 Today's about family. 109 00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:40,698 Why did I get in the car? I could've struggled. 110 00:04:41,240 --> 00:04:43,367 I have a whistle in my purse, I didn't even blow it. 111 00:04:45,244 --> 00:04:47,788 Oh, Dwight, I have a little surprise for you. 112 00:04:47,872 --> 00:04:50,791 Let me guess, you ate the bagel I gave you and loved it. 113 00:04:50,875 --> 00:04:52,042 Yes. 114 00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:54,879 And I wanted to return the favor. 115 00:04:54,962 --> 00:04:57,173 I was polishing my loafers and I happened to look over 116 00:04:57,256 --> 00:05:00,301 and notice that your briefcase was a little worse for the wear, 117 00:05:00,384 --> 00:05:02,052 so a little elbow grease, 118 00:05:02,136 --> 00:05:05,598 and she's polished right up, back to her former glory. 119 00:05:05,681 --> 00:05:08,100 Well. Feel it against your cheek. 120 00:05:08,934 --> 00:05:09,977 I will. 121 00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:11,979 You give me a gift, bam, thank you note. 122 00:05:12,062 --> 00:05:14,523 You invite me somewhere, pow, rsvp. 123 00:05:15,232 --> 00:05:18,319 You do me a favor, wham, favor returned. 124 00:05:20,279 --> 00:05:22,490 Do not test my politeness. 125 00:05:22,573 --> 00:05:24,241 Let me get that door for you. There we go. 126 00:05:24,325 --> 00:05:25,993 Thank you very much, and I got it for you. 127 00:05:26,076 --> 00:05:28,913 Oh! Goodness. Thanks. 128 00:05:28,996 --> 00:05:31,165 You know, here's a healthy fitness tip, 129 00:05:31,248 --> 00:05:33,018 if you clench your buttocks together while walking, 130 00:05:33,042 --> 00:05:34,769 you can really take the pressure off your knees. 131 00:05:34,793 --> 00:05:36,420 Andy: Is that right? Dwight: Observe. 132 00:05:39,006 --> 00:05:40,007 Right? That really works. 133 00:05:40,090 --> 00:05:42,176 Yeah. Feel free to use that. Anytime, okay. 134 00:05:42,259 --> 00:05:43,969 Hey, hold on a second. 135 00:05:44,053 --> 00:05:47,306 Do not walk around with your jacket catawampus. 136 00:05:47,389 --> 00:05:49,183 And that needs to be straight as an arrow. 137 00:05:49,266 --> 00:05:51,477 Thank you very much. 138 00:05:51,810 --> 00:05:54,522 Oh, boy. Hey, thank you very much for that. 139 00:05:54,605 --> 00:05:57,358 You are welcome. Have a seat. Allow me. 140 00:05:57,441 --> 00:05:59,360 Have a seat yourself. 141 00:05:59,443 --> 00:06:01,320 You know what? I am going to preemptively 142 00:06:01,403 --> 00:06:04,365 change the batteries in your wireless mouse. 143 00:06:04,448 --> 00:06:05,533 Not necessary. No, no, no! 144 00:06:05,616 --> 00:06:07,952 You didn't have to do that. 145 00:06:08,035 --> 00:06:09,703 Andy is complicating things. 146 00:06:09,787 --> 00:06:12,456 But I'm not worried. This will only up my game. 147 00:06:14,083 --> 00:06:16,210 Heho.scofi. Table for four. 148 00:06:16,293 --> 00:06:19,755 Welcome, Scott famin. It'll be just a moment. 149 00:06:19,838 --> 00:06:22,883 Iused to love coming here. The chicken parm is good. 150 00:06:22,967 --> 00:06:27,513 Big part of my childhood. Maybe Michael will start dating that, too. 151 00:06:27,596 --> 00:06:30,558 What table should we take? So many to choose from. 152 00:06:30,641 --> 00:06:33,310 Wow. Oh, my god. 153 00:06:33,394 --> 00:06:38,774 What? All I see are boring old tables with no birthday decorations. 154 00:06:38,857 --> 00:06:42,486 Oh, wait a second, you mean this one? Wow! 155 00:06:43,028 --> 00:06:44,488 Michael, you did all this? 156 00:06:44,572 --> 00:06:46,800 It's not about taking credit. Let's just say we all did it. 157 00:06:46,824 --> 00:06:48,826 Well, thank you, all of you. 158 00:06:48,909 --> 00:06:52,121 Well, it was actually me alone, so... 159 00:06:52,204 --> 00:06:53,581 Wow, look at this place. 160 00:06:53,664 --> 00:06:55,541 It really makes me want to go to Italy someday. 161 00:06:55,624 --> 00:06:58,502 Oh, you'll love it. You can have my guidebooks. 162 00:06:58,586 --> 00:07:00,480 I think I'm done with those really long plane rides. 163 00:07:00,504 --> 00:07:02,339 Thank you for... 164 00:07:02,423 --> 00:07:04,133 Thanks for lending me the books. 165 00:07:04,216 --> 00:07:07,678 So, mom, which birthday are we celebrating this year? 166 00:07:07,761 --> 00:07:08,887 Sticking with 49. 167 00:07:08,971 --> 00:07:10,264 Forty-nine again? 168 00:07:10,347 --> 00:07:13,434 That's nine years in a row. This is now our longest family tradition. 169 00:07:13,517 --> 00:07:15,227 That's funny. 170 00:07:15,311 --> 00:07:17,104 Well, as long as we're running numbers, Pam, 171 00:07:17,187 --> 00:07:18,397 help me out with this one. 172 00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:20,899 Let's see, honey, you're six months pregnant, 173 00:07:20,983 --> 00:07:24,528 but you've only been married for 30 days, so what does that add up to? 174 00:07:24,612 --> 00:07:28,532 Ooh, burn, burn on you. And a little bit on me, too. 175 00:07:28,616 --> 00:07:30,659 You're 54 years old. 176 00:07:30,743 --> 00:07:32,620 No, I'm 58. 177 00:07:33,996 --> 00:07:35,247 You're 58 years old? 178 00:07:35,331 --> 00:07:36,498 Uh-huh. 179 00:07:37,041 --> 00:07:38,667 Congratulations. 180 00:07:38,751 --> 00:07:41,295 The only time you should care about a woman's age 181 00:07:41,378 --> 00:07:42,921 is if she is too young for you. 182 00:07:43,005 --> 00:07:46,050 And I am not robbing the cradle. 183 00:07:46,133 --> 00:07:49,511 If anything, I am robbing the grave. 184 00:07:50,804 --> 00:07:52,532 Mom, have you decided what you want to be called? 185 00:07:52,556 --> 00:07:56,435 I mean, I like Nana, but I also like the classic grandma. 186 00:07:56,560 --> 00:07:58,663 Please be grandma. I want you to be grandma. Definitely a grandma. 187 00:07:58,687 --> 00:08:01,190 Michael. What do you think? Grandma? 188 00:08:01,899 --> 00:08:02,941 Uh-huh. 189 00:08:03,025 --> 00:08:04,485 Yay! Grandma. 190 00:08:09,907 --> 00:08:12,910 Hey, would you guys ever do a triathlon, you think? 191 00:08:12,993 --> 00:08:14,119 Maybe. 192 00:08:14,203 --> 00:08:15,287 Helene? 193 00:08:15,371 --> 00:08:16,914 No. I don't think so. 194 00:08:16,997 --> 00:08:19,249 I am. I'm definitely going to do it. 195 00:08:19,333 --> 00:08:21,669 I've already got the run and the bike thing down, 196 00:08:21,752 --> 00:08:24,672 just need to learn how to swim. Come on, you in? 197 00:08:24,755 --> 00:08:28,467 No, no. I think a triathlon is pretty much something I can rule out. 198 00:08:28,550 --> 00:08:30,678 I don't know, it just doesn't interest me. 199 00:08:30,761 --> 00:08:33,514 So, it's a matter of interest. Good. Okay. 200 00:08:33,597 --> 00:08:36,558 It's not anything you would have ever done? 201 00:08:36,642 --> 00:08:38,078 I might have done it when I was younger, 202 00:08:38,102 --> 00:08:40,163 but now there are just other things I'd rather be doing 203 00:08:40,187 --> 00:08:41,706 than running and jumping and swimming... 204 00:08:41,730 --> 00:08:44,149 Well, there's no jumping in a triathlon. Oh! 205 00:08:44,233 --> 00:08:45,609 You're thinking the broad jump. 206 00:08:45,693 --> 00:08:48,654 Would you try bungee jumping? No. 207 00:08:48,779 --> 00:08:50,948 Snowboarding? No, no, you want to go snowboarding? 208 00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:52,700 I might, I might. 209 00:08:52,783 --> 00:08:54,618 Michael, what are you talking about? 210 00:08:56,245 --> 00:08:58,539 Nothing, just life 211 00:09:00,290 --> 00:09:05,087 and doing things before you die. I don't know. 212 00:09:05,629 --> 00:09:08,841 Do I really want to go snowboarding? No. 213 00:09:08,924 --> 00:09:12,136 But I would like to if I wanted to. 214 00:09:17,850 --> 00:09:18,892 What's going on in here? 215 00:09:18,976 --> 00:09:20,060 Andy bought lunch. 216 00:09:20,144 --> 00:09:21,770 Oh, no, really? 217 00:09:21,854 --> 00:09:22,896 Yep, yep. 218 00:09:22,980 --> 00:09:25,441 Took a page right out of the old schrute book of niceness. 219 00:09:25,524 --> 00:09:27,693 There is no book, there's only a survival guide. 220 00:09:27,776 --> 00:09:30,028 You bought breakfast for everyone, 221 00:09:30,112 --> 00:09:31,405 so I got lunch for everyone. 222 00:09:31,488 --> 00:09:34,408 Okay, well, allow me. You know what? 223 00:09:34,491 --> 00:09:37,244 Gosh, these tacos are awfully complicated to make. 224 00:09:37,327 --> 00:09:39,455 I will make everyone's tacos! 225 00:09:41,832 --> 00:09:43,000 So we should get the check. 226 00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:44,960 Vvhataboutyourthhmchaew vvhoa, no, no, no. 227 00:09:45,043 --> 00:09:47,588 No, it's stupid. You'd hate it, I hate it. 228 00:09:47,671 --> 00:09:49,214 I'm sure I won't. Yes, you will. 229 00:09:49,298 --> 00:09:52,134 He locked himself in his office all morning working on it. 230 00:09:52,217 --> 00:09:54,178 Give me. Look at this wrapping paper. 231 00:09:54,261 --> 00:09:56,680 It's got the word "love" on it in every language. 232 00:09:56,764 --> 00:10:00,934 I literally... I put no thought into the wrapping at all. 233 00:10:01,018 --> 00:10:03,395 Might as well have been toilet paper. 234 00:10:03,479 --> 00:10:05,773 Toilet paper. Let's see. 235 00:10:05,856 --> 00:10:10,444 "A scrapbook of our first memories, by Michael Gary Scott, 236 00:10:10,527 --> 00:10:13,906 "for my girlfriend, helene, on your birthday." 237 00:10:13,989 --> 00:10:16,575 That's just an arbitrary title. 238 00:10:16,658 --> 00:10:17,993 Okay, here's a penny. 239 00:10:18,076 --> 00:10:19,637 What's that from? Penny for your thoughts. 240 00:10:19,661 --> 00:10:21,371 It was from the wishing well at the mall. 241 00:10:21,455 --> 00:10:25,542 You threw it in, I went back later, waded in, and I found it. 242 00:10:25,626 --> 00:10:26,627 That's amazing. 243 00:10:26,710 --> 00:10:31,006 It's not amazing at all. It's sort of weird that I went and did that. 244 00:10:31,089 --> 00:10:34,259 And now your wish won't come true, so that blows. 245 00:10:34,343 --> 00:10:37,221 A poem. Oh, that I plagiarized, I think. 246 00:10:37,304 --> 00:10:41,225 "I cannot go to school today said little Peggy Ann McKay" 247 00:10:41,892 --> 00:10:43,101 shel silverstein? Yeah. 248 00:10:43,185 --> 00:10:44,686 "I have the measles and the mumps 249 00:10:44,770 --> 00:10:47,022 "a gash, a rash, and purple bumps 250 00:10:47,105 --> 00:10:48,690 "and my teacher's really mean 251 00:10:48,774 --> 00:10:52,194 "happy birthday, I love you, helene." 252 00:10:52,277 --> 00:10:54,238 It's really nice, Michael. 253 00:10:54,321 --> 00:10:55,572 I think it sucks. 254 00:10:56,532 --> 00:10:58,292 I think it's wonderful, absolutely wonderful. 255 00:10:58,325 --> 00:11:00,386 Well, that's because you and I have very different tastes, 256 00:11:00,410 --> 00:11:02,287 and you like lame things. 257 00:11:02,371 --> 00:11:05,499 It's a generational sort of gap between us. 258 00:11:05,582 --> 00:11:08,168 Oh, god, a scrapbook. 259 00:11:08,252 --> 00:11:09,503 Home run, Michael. 260 00:11:09,586 --> 00:11:10,963 You set the bar so high. 261 00:11:11,046 --> 00:11:12,089 That was a bunt. 262 00:11:13,882 --> 00:11:16,009 Whoa, whoa, whoa, Dwight, I'm going to do this. 263 00:11:16,093 --> 00:11:18,220 Hey, hey, hey, relax. I got it covered. 264 00:11:18,303 --> 00:11:19,513 No, I insist. 265 00:11:19,596 --> 00:11:21,515 No, no, no, no, no, I insist. 266 00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:25,018 Okay, Dwight, this is ridiculous. 267 00:11:25,102 --> 00:11:27,312 Don't worry about it, you can just owe me. 268 00:11:27,729 --> 00:11:30,023 Hey, where'd you go? 269 00:11:30,107 --> 00:11:31,525 Oh, I just went to the bathroom. 270 00:11:31,608 --> 00:11:34,027 And then you stopped at the bar on the way back? 271 00:11:34,111 --> 00:11:35,612 Got thirsty. 272 00:11:35,696 --> 00:11:38,031 Okay, weirdo. Come on, it's time for cake. 273 00:11:38,115 --> 00:11:39,408 Okay. 274 00:11:39,491 --> 00:11:40,701 Honestly, for a long time, 275 00:11:40,784 --> 00:11:43,620 I thought I was going to grow old with Holly. 276 00:11:44,121 --> 00:11:47,916 And then I met helene, and she is great, 277 00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:51,587 and she already knows and has done everything 278 00:11:51,670 --> 00:11:56,466 that I have ever wanted to do and can tell me about it. 279 00:11:57,801 --> 00:12:01,972 But I think I want to do those things myself. 280 00:12:02,264 --> 00:12:03,265 Cake's really good. 281 00:12:03,348 --> 00:12:06,268 I know. I love when they use butter-cream frosting. 282 00:12:06,351 --> 00:12:07,978 Finish your cake, helene. 283 00:12:08,854 --> 00:12:11,231 I want you to enjoy that cake 284 00:12:11,315 --> 00:12:13,734 because I have something terrible I need to tell you. 285 00:12:13,817 --> 00:12:17,362 And I want you to enjoy your cake 286 00:12:17,446 --> 00:12:20,574 before I tell you this terrible, terrible thing. 287 00:12:23,535 --> 00:12:27,331 Helene, I think you're a wonderful person and I... 288 00:12:27,414 --> 00:12:29,249 God, I've enjoyed dating you 289 00:12:29,333 --> 00:12:31,126 and being your boyfriend so much, 290 00:12:31,209 --> 00:12:36,965 but I have to consider Pam's feelings as a friend and a coworker. 291 00:12:37,049 --> 00:12:41,303 Icannot in good conscience, continue to date you, 292 00:12:41,386 --> 00:12:43,430 when I know what this is doing to her. 293 00:12:43,513 --> 00:12:46,433 Michael. Michael, it's okay. 294 00:12:46,516 --> 00:12:47,768 No, it's not. 295 00:12:47,851 --> 00:12:50,270 I know that it took me a little while to come around, 296 00:12:50,354 --> 00:12:53,357 and it's still a little weird to get used to, 297 00:12:54,691 --> 00:12:57,527 but you obviously make my mom very happy. 298 00:12:58,195 --> 00:13:00,197 And that makes me happy. 299 00:13:01,031 --> 00:13:03,784 Wow, that just... You've really grown. 300 00:13:04,826 --> 00:13:07,412 Well... oh, thank you, Pam. 301 00:13:07,496 --> 00:13:11,792 And I hope you are as gracious during this next part. 302 00:13:13,502 --> 00:13:16,546 Helene, once again, you are a wonderful person, 303 00:13:16,630 --> 00:13:18,090 and you have lived a great life, 304 00:13:18,173 --> 00:13:21,885 and I envy it, and I want it someday, but just in the future. 305 00:13:22,886 --> 00:13:25,347 You need somebody who understands your references. 306 00:13:25,430 --> 00:13:26,556 Who is kafka-esque? 307 00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:28,725 I've never... I don't know him. 308 00:13:30,435 --> 00:13:33,772 There's another woman, and her name is Italy, 309 00:13:33,855 --> 00:13:36,149 and skydiving, and bungee jumping. 310 00:13:36,441 --> 00:13:37,651 Okay, so... 311 00:13:37,734 --> 00:13:39,069 And I want kids. 312 00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:42,030 And you, unfortunately, have already completed 313 00:13:42,114 --> 00:13:43,949 that part of your journey down there. Michael. 314 00:13:44,032 --> 00:13:46,034 It's not my decision, it's mother nature. 315 00:13:46,118 --> 00:13:48,912 And mother has very strict rules about 316 00:13:57,045 --> 00:13:58,505 Fertility. 317 00:13:58,588 --> 00:14:00,757 I got it. 318 00:14:01,758 --> 00:14:04,761 I'm 58. What am I supposed to do now? 319 00:14:05,887 --> 00:14:07,723 Stop. Well, hobbies. 320 00:14:11,268 --> 00:14:13,478 What's going on? Stupid thing wedged up there. 321 00:14:13,562 --> 00:14:14,789 No one in this office will help me. 322 00:14:14,813 --> 00:14:16,231 Yeah, move it. 323 00:14:16,314 --> 00:14:18,775 What if Dwight dies and I still owe him something? 324 00:14:18,859 --> 00:14:20,777 That is a recipe for a ghost. 325 00:14:20,861 --> 00:14:22,738 Oh, yeah, you're gonna owe me big time. 326 00:14:22,821 --> 00:14:24,215 Looks like a little envelope, there you go. 327 00:14:24,239 --> 00:14:26,199 Yup. Got it. "To Dwight"? 328 00:14:30,203 --> 00:14:31,329 Starbucks gift card. 329 00:14:31,413 --> 00:14:32,956 Surprise! 330 00:14:33,832 --> 00:14:36,793 It's from everybody. $15 value. 331 00:14:38,879 --> 00:14:41,548 Damn it! I am no closer to taking Jim down. 332 00:14:41,923 --> 00:14:43,675 What a waste of a day. 333 00:14:43,759 --> 00:14:47,596 I could've grown poison mushrooms that'd be this high by now! 334 00:14:48,430 --> 00:14:50,682 They're mushrooms, they don't get that high. 335 00:14:51,558 --> 00:14:53,727 Pamela beesly-Halpert. What? 336 00:14:53,810 --> 00:14:55,455 May I have a word with you in my office, please? 337 00:14:55,479 --> 00:14:56,479 I am working. 338 00:14:56,521 --> 00:14:59,524 Well, this is a work-related matter. 339 00:14:59,608 --> 00:15:01,068 Really? Yes. 340 00:15:01,943 --> 00:15:03,236 Really? Yes. 341 00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:04,988 Join me, please, won't you? 342 00:15:09,284 --> 00:15:10,911 I'm going to give you a raise, Pam. 343 00:15:12,162 --> 00:15:14,289 Because of all the good work you've done. 344 00:15:14,372 --> 00:15:16,333 I have the lowest sales record of anyone here. 345 00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:18,585 Dont, no. It's not about numbers Pam, 346 00:15:18,668 --> 00:15:19,961 it's about attitude. 347 00:15:20,045 --> 00:15:22,881 I have the worst attitude of any person here. 348 00:15:22,964 --> 00:15:25,509 Do you want the raise or what? 349 00:15:25,592 --> 00:15:26,635 Yeah, I'll take it. 350 00:15:26,718 --> 00:15:28,762 Okay, hey. Pam, Pam. 351 00:15:28,845 --> 00:15:31,431 With this raise, there are strings attached. 352 00:15:31,515 --> 00:15:37,270 And that string is attached from my heart to your mean attitude. 353 00:15:37,354 --> 00:15:38,605 You're bribing me? 354 00:15:38,688 --> 00:15:41,817 No, no. No, I am not. Unless you want me to. 355 00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:43,026 Do you want me to? 356 00:15:43,110 --> 00:15:45,362 Because I will, I will bribe you. 357 00:15:45,445 --> 00:15:51,868 No, your face is saying don't, unless I haven't offered you enough. 358 00:15:53,703 --> 00:15:55,705 Your face isn't changing. 359 00:15:56,373 --> 00:15:58,625 What is it? Talk to me, face. 360 00:15:58,708 --> 00:16:00,585 Tell me what Pam's brain is thinking. 361 00:16:02,212 --> 00:16:04,548 Come on, what do you want? What do you want? 362 00:16:04,631 --> 00:16:07,134 Do you want a million dollars? Do you want to hit me? 363 00:16:07,217 --> 00:16:08,861 Do you want me to get down on one knee and beg you? 364 00:16:08,885 --> 00:16:10,929 I want to hit you. What? 365 00:16:11,012 --> 00:16:12,722 I want to hit you. I'll do that. 366 00:16:13,890 --> 00:16:15,642 Okay. 367 00:16:15,725 --> 00:16:17,978 What? I don't... Are you kidding? 368 00:16:18,061 --> 00:16:19,146 No, are you kidding? 369 00:16:19,229 --> 00:16:21,439 No, I don't... 370 00:16:21,523 --> 00:16:23,400 All right. Come on, I'll take off my jacket 371 00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:25,902 and tense my stomach and you just... 372 00:16:25,986 --> 00:16:29,739 No, I don't think I can hit you in the office. 373 00:16:29,823 --> 00:16:31,283 Okay. 374 00:16:31,366 --> 00:16:33,827 So, we'll do it after work. Hmm. 375 00:16:33,910 --> 00:16:36,538 In the parking lot, in front of everyone. 376 00:16:37,414 --> 00:16:38,808 I'm going to hit you as hard as I can. 377 00:16:38,832 --> 00:16:40,584 Okay. 378 00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:41,668 Okay. Okay. 379 00:16:41,751 --> 00:16:43,712 Seeyouthen seeyou. 380 00:16:47,591 --> 00:16:48,675 Ryan: Hey. Hi. 381 00:16:48,758 --> 00:16:50,594 Quick question. Yeah. 382 00:16:51,428 --> 00:16:53,054 Are you scared? 383 00:16:53,138 --> 00:16:54,514 Neven 384 00:16:54,598 --> 00:16:56,683 about what? A little. What are you talking about? 385 00:16:56,766 --> 00:16:58,685 We heard about the punch. What punch? 386 00:16:58,768 --> 00:17:01,646 Pam. She's going to punch the crap out of your face after work. 387 00:17:01,730 --> 00:17:03,690 I'm pretty sure we said slap. 388 00:17:03,773 --> 00:17:06,651 No, it's a punch and Pam has that crazy pregnancy strength now. 389 00:17:06,735 --> 00:17:09,738 I'm getting concerned that you don't seem to understand 390 00:17:09,821 --> 00:17:12,199 what's going to happen. Do you? 391 00:17:13,116 --> 00:17:15,327 I'm good. 392 00:17:15,410 --> 00:17:16,650 Ryan: All right. See you there. 393 00:17:17,954 --> 00:17:19,539 Hey. Hey. 394 00:17:19,623 --> 00:17:21,875 Do you and Pam ever get frisky? Inappropriate. 395 00:17:21,958 --> 00:17:24,753 I mean, do you ever wrestle with each other? 396 00:17:24,836 --> 00:17:26,046 All the time. Really? 397 00:17:26,129 --> 00:17:27,172 Yeah. She's strong? 398 00:17:27,255 --> 00:17:28,295 She wants it bad, Michael. 399 00:17:28,340 --> 00:17:29,549 Can you stop this? 400 00:17:29,633 --> 00:17:31,551 I can. Okay. 401 00:17:31,635 --> 00:17:33,553 And I don't support her choice to hit you. 402 00:17:33,637 --> 00:17:34,763 Idont, enher 403 00:17:34,846 --> 00:17:37,182 but at the same time, she goes crazy, 404 00:17:37,265 --> 00:17:39,684 and I do understand her reasoning. 405 00:17:39,768 --> 00:17:41,895 Mmm-hmm. I know. 406 00:17:41,978 --> 00:17:43,998 I just need some time. I need some time to think about it. 407 00:17:44,022 --> 00:17:45,791 You got to do... give me some time to make a decision. 408 00:17:45,815 --> 00:17:48,401 How much time do you need? No more than a week, maybe two weeks. 409 00:17:48,485 --> 00:17:49,486 Come on, man. 410 00:17:49,819 --> 00:17:51,947 Pam, can I talk to you for a second? 411 00:17:52,030 --> 00:17:54,282 I heard about the hit. Just to be sure, 412 00:17:54,366 --> 00:17:55,951 it's off company property, right? Right. 413 00:17:56,034 --> 00:17:58,411 Yeah, okay, I think we should probably be okay. 414 00:17:58,495 --> 00:17:59,955 Okay. Okay. 415 00:18:00,455 --> 00:18:05,502 And the power comes from the back foot. 416 00:18:06,336 --> 00:18:09,464 So, it's all one motion through the body. 417 00:18:10,090 --> 00:18:14,261 So, there's... you stay a little low and there's a twist, 418 00:18:14,344 --> 00:18:15,637 and you keep your shoulder down. 419 00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:17,931 And you kind of throw out the arm. 420 00:18:19,766 --> 00:18:23,353 Okay, wait, you're saying it comes from the foot? 421 00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:24,437 Yes. 422 00:18:24,521 --> 00:18:25,522 Okay. 423 00:18:26,523 --> 00:18:28,108 Yeah. Okay. 424 00:18:29,192 --> 00:18:30,235 Hey, everybody. 425 00:18:30,318 --> 00:18:32,904 He's not in the men's room, although the seat was warm, 426 00:18:32,988 --> 00:18:34,406 so we may have just missed him. 427 00:18:34,489 --> 00:18:35,740 My money's on Pam. 428 00:18:35,824 --> 00:18:38,576 It's not a fight. What other outcome could there be? 429 00:18:38,660 --> 00:18:39,703 Michael could win. 430 00:18:39,786 --> 00:18:41,621 How? He can't hit back. 431 00:18:41,705 --> 00:18:44,708 Why can't you just agree with me sometimes? 432 00:18:44,791 --> 00:18:47,127 Am I scared of getting hit in the face? No. 433 00:18:47,210 --> 00:18:50,255 Every day, weirdos pay dominatrixes hundreds of dollars 434 00:18:50,338 --> 00:18:52,007 for that very privilege. 435 00:18:52,090 --> 00:18:55,802 I'm scared I'm going to love it. Let's do this. 436 00:18:56,720 --> 00:18:59,723 It's okay, guys. I can handle this. Everybody can go home. 437 00:18:59,806 --> 00:19:01,766 We're here for the show, Michael. 438 00:19:01,850 --> 00:19:03,935 You're just a bunch of voyeurs. 439 00:19:04,019 --> 00:19:05,103 Are you eating popcorn? 440 00:19:05,186 --> 00:19:06,479 It has almost no calories. 441 00:19:06,563 --> 00:19:07,897 You ready? 442 00:19:09,065 --> 00:19:10,150 Yes. 443 00:19:11,359 --> 00:19:14,070 You have to keep your hands down. I know. 444 00:19:14,904 --> 00:19:17,032 Okay. All right. 445 00:19:18,408 --> 00:19:19,451 Oh, god! 446 00:19:19,534 --> 00:19:20,886 Michael, you have to keep your hands down. 447 00:19:20,910 --> 00:19:22,162 Putyourhands in your pockets. 448 00:19:22,245 --> 00:19:23,580 Okay! 449 00:19:29,961 --> 00:19:31,254 Pam, Pam. 450 00:19:33,256 --> 00:19:35,175 I'm really sorry. I'm sorry. 451 00:19:35,258 --> 00:19:37,093 What are you sorry for? So many things. 452 00:19:37,177 --> 00:19:38,636 I don't know, it's hard to choose. 453 00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:39,840 How about for dating my mom? 454 00:19:39,888 --> 00:19:40,930 Maybe that's it. 455 00:19:41,014 --> 00:19:42,349 And dumping her on her birthday? 456 00:19:42,432 --> 00:19:43,641 Yes. 457 00:19:46,895 --> 00:19:53,276 Okay, just don't ever date a member of my family again. 458 00:19:55,070 --> 00:19:56,696 Okay, I promise. 459 00:19:57,906 --> 00:20:00,617 For the record, your mom came on to me. 460 00:20:02,285 --> 00:20:03,620 Holy crap! 461 00:20:06,122 --> 00:20:08,208 Are you okay? No! 462 00:20:08,291 --> 00:20:09,709 You're okay. 463 00:20:11,044 --> 00:20:12,087 Feel better? 464 00:20:12,170 --> 00:20:13,588 No, you were right. 465 00:20:16,633 --> 00:20:17,675 Wait, why are you limping? 466 00:20:17,759 --> 00:20:19,052 I don't know. 467 00:20:19,135 --> 00:20:20,887 Let's get some raw meat on that face. 468 00:20:20,970 --> 00:20:23,014 I've got a chicken in the freezer upstairs. 469 00:20:23,098 --> 00:20:27,560 As I watched Pam's big, strong hand coming toward my face, 470 00:20:27,644 --> 00:20:30,730 I saw my entire life flash before my eyes. 471 00:20:30,814 --> 00:20:33,274 And guess what? I have four kids. 472 00:20:34,734 --> 00:20:38,196 And I have a hover car and a hover house. 473 00:20:38,279 --> 00:20:41,157 And my wife is a runner, and it shows. 474 00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:46,746 And Pam and Jim are my best friends, and our kids play together. 475 00:20:46,830 --> 00:20:49,999 And I'm happy. 476 00:20:50,083 --> 00:20:52,585 And I am rich and I never die. 477 00:20:54,963 --> 00:20:58,216 Itdoesnt sound like much, but it's enough for me. 478 00:20:59,843 --> 00:21:01,862 Good, good, just keep it on there for another five minutes. 479 00:21:01,886 --> 00:21:04,764 It's cold, Dwight. Let the swelling go down. 480 00:21:04,848 --> 00:21:08,351 Oh, thank you. Thanks. I owe you one, Dwight. 481 00:21:11,020 --> 00:21:12,105 Fire Jim. 482 00:21:13,731 --> 00:21:15,442 I'm cashing in the favor, fire him. 483 00:21:15,525 --> 00:21:16,669 What are you talking... do it. 484 00:21:16,693 --> 00:21:18,403 Promote me. Tri-managers. 485 00:21:18,486 --> 00:21:19,529 Forget that. 486 00:21:19,612 --> 00:21:20,655 Can I have an office? 487 00:21:20,738 --> 00:21:22,508 You know what, you can keep your stupid favor. 488 00:21:22,532 --> 00:21:23,867 It's worthless. 489 00:21:23,950 --> 00:21:27,203 And this is my dinner on your face, I'm keeping it. 490 00:21:28,037 --> 00:21:29,873 Oh, that feels better.