1
00:00:02,253 --> 00:00:06,632
(In Kevin's voice) Oscar, Toby said
he left my girl scout cookies on my chair.

2
00:00:07,091 --> 00:00:10,136
Have you seen them?
Wait, I'm sitting on them.

3
00:00:10,428 --> 00:00:11,554
This is awesome.

4
00:00:11,637 --> 00:00:13,556
Thank you. It didn't
even take that long.

5
00:00:13,639 --> 00:00:16,350
What's the difference
between a Chimichanga,

6
00:00:16,434 --> 00:00:19,103
a chalupa and a tostada?

7
00:00:19,353 --> 00:00:24,275
Call me back asap. It's urgent.

8
00:00:24,567 --> 00:00:29,030
Wait, this isn't funny.
I don't talk like that.

9
00:00:29,113 --> 00:00:30,573
Say, "me eat cookie."

10
00:00:30,990 --> 00:00:32,825
No. I won't say it.

11
00:00:32,909 --> 00:00:34,511
Why is everyone
clumped around accounting?

12
00:00:34,535 --> 00:00:35,578
Break it up, you clique.

13
00:00:35,661 --> 00:00:38,664
It's Kevin as cookie
monster from sesame street.

14
00:00:38,748 --> 00:00:40,726
Is that the program where all
those puppets live in the barrio?

15
00:00:40,750 --> 00:00:42,210
Meredith: Mmm-hmm.
I love that show.

16
00:00:42,293 --> 00:00:44,837
This is Kevin. This is Kevin.

17
00:00:45,463 --> 00:00:47,381
Oscar: Thank you.
That is an amusing link.

18
00:00:47,465 --> 00:00:48,692
I'd like it sent to me, please.

19
00:00:48,716 --> 00:00:50,319
Me, too, Oscar, please
send it to me. Yeah, totally.

20
00:00:50,343 --> 00:00:52,220
Yeah, me, too.

21
00:00:52,303 --> 00:00:54,305
Angela, this is inappropriate.

22
00:00:54,597 --> 00:00:56,349
This is my favorite day.

23
00:01:17,370 --> 00:01:19,163
It's secretary's day.

24
00:01:19,664 --> 00:01:22,917
And it is Erin's and my
three-week anniversary,

25
00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:26,545
so perfect storm
for a romantic gesture.

26
00:01:27,505 --> 00:01:30,174
Want to make sure the whole
office remembers it's secretary's day.

27
00:01:30,258 --> 00:01:34,136
I sent an email blast, a text blast,
a good old-fashioned talk blast.

28
00:01:34,220 --> 00:01:36,430
I sent a snail-mail
blast a week ago,

29
00:01:36,514 --> 00:01:39,100
and a stern reminder via fax
at 7:00 this morning,

30
00:01:39,183 --> 00:01:43,104
so people better step up and
appreciate the crap out of Erin.

31
00:01:43,187 --> 00:01:44,188
Oh, thank you.

32
00:01:44,272 --> 00:01:45,356
Andy: / do.

33
00:01:47,566 --> 00:01:48,901
Thank you.

34
00:01:50,945 --> 00:01:54,490
If it wasn't for secretaries,
I wouldn't have a stepmom.

35
00:01:55,074 --> 00:01:56,993
Welcome back. Hey, thanks.

36
00:01:57,076 --> 00:02:01,580
Pam: It's my first day back after maternity
leave, and I miss Cece, of course.

37
00:02:01,914 --> 00:02:03,791
But we need the money.

38
00:02:04,166 --> 00:02:08,004
What was maternity leave
like? Oh. How do I explain it?

39
00:02:09,005 --> 00:02:11,549
Itrocked. It rocked my ass off.

40
00:02:13,301 --> 00:02:16,470
Oh. You couldn't
have watered it?

41
00:02:16,554 --> 00:02:20,099
I literally did not know that
existed until this moment.

42
00:02:20,599 --> 00:02:23,894
Well, I knew it existed,
and I chose to let it die.

43
00:02:24,729 --> 00:02:26,147
It's nice to see
you again, Dwight.

44
00:02:26,230 --> 00:02:27,315
Hello, Pam.

45
00:02:27,398 --> 00:02:30,151
I was just wondering what you
had planned for secretary's day.

46
00:02:30,234 --> 00:02:31,986
I'm going to give Erin $15.

47
00:02:32,069 --> 00:02:36,699
I know that Erin would be so
psyched if you took her out to lunch.

48
00:02:37,033 --> 00:02:38,284
A one-on-one lunch with Erin?

49
00:02:38,367 --> 00:02:40,745
Yeah. She really
looks up to you.

50
00:02:40,828 --> 00:02:43,164
There's only so much we
can do as her coworkers.

51
00:02:43,247 --> 00:02:46,834
Secretary's day is really
kind of a boss-secretary thing.

52
00:02:50,254 --> 00:02:52,798
She's kind of a rube.

53
00:02:52,882 --> 00:02:54,109
That's my girlfriend
you're talking about.

54
00:02:54,133 --> 00:02:57,553
Okay. All right. All right.
Okay, I'll take her to lunch.

55
00:02:57,636 --> 00:02:59,430
She's gonna be so psyched.

56
00:02:59,764 --> 00:03:01,891
Hi, Erin. Happy secretary's day.

57
00:03:01,974 --> 00:03:03,392
Well, happy boss's day.

58
00:03:03,559 --> 00:03:05,559
There wouldn't be a secretary
if there was no boss.

59
00:03:05,603 --> 00:03:07,521
I wanted to know what
your plans for lunch were,

60
00:03:07,605 --> 00:03:11,609
because I was hoping
to ask you to lunch.

61
00:03:11,942 --> 00:03:14,779
I got a picture of you
asking me to lunch.

62
00:03:15,112 --> 00:03:18,532
I was thinking we could go to
Hayworth's, just the two of us.

63
00:03:18,616 --> 00:03:20,552
(Groaning) Well, Hayworth's
is more business-casual,

64
00:03:20,576 --> 00:03:22,870
and they always screw
up your order, so I'm...

65
00:03:22,953 --> 00:03:26,290
Oh. Yeah, okay. Yeah,
that was a stupid suggestion.

66
00:03:26,374 --> 00:03:29,168
I was thinking some place special,
so I thought Hayworth's, but...

67
00:03:29,251 --> 00:03:30,604
Okay, well, we'll
figure something out.

68
00:03:30,628 --> 00:03:32,296
Okay.

69
00:03:34,882 --> 00:03:36,175
Okay, let's go to Hayworth's.

70
00:03:36,258 --> 00:03:37,426
Okay!

71
00:03:38,344 --> 00:03:40,012
Have a cookie, kev.

72
00:03:40,096 --> 00:03:43,516
Yeah, ha, ha, tray of cookies.
I'm not falling for that.

73
00:03:43,933 --> 00:03:46,227
I brought those in.
It's my birthday.

74
00:03:46,310 --> 00:03:48,479
That's some stone-cold
narcissism right there.

75
00:03:48,562 --> 00:03:50,481
Man, Darryl, I'm sorry.

76
00:03:51,148 --> 00:03:53,234
Happy birthday. Thank you.

77
00:03:54,902 --> 00:03:56,904
(Mimicking cookie monster)

78
00:03:57,279 --> 00:03:58,906
(Meredith laughing)

79
00:03:58,989 --> 00:04:01,742
Kevin: They're making fun
of cookie monster. I get that.

80
00:04:01,867 --> 00:04:05,663
But in a strange way, it feels
like they're making fun of me.

81
00:04:06,664 --> 00:04:11,085
(In Kevin's voice) Oscar, did you
eat some of my M&M's? The level...

82
00:04:11,168 --> 00:04:12,753
This is violent and offensive.

83
00:04:12,837 --> 00:04:14,004
Thank you.

84
00:04:14,505 --> 00:04:16,924
And it really makes me
self-conscious about my voice.

85
00:04:17,007 --> 00:04:18,509
That's awful.

86
00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:21,387
I'm not crying.

87
00:04:21,470 --> 00:04:22,805
You have some food on your face.

88
00:04:22,888 --> 00:04:26,058
Do my hands feel sweaty to you?

89
00:04:26,392 --> 00:04:28,712
Gabe: The beginning here
has been a little bit of a fiasco.

90
00:04:29,019 --> 00:04:32,648
Either they don't respect me,
or they respect me too much.

91
00:04:33,274 --> 00:04:36,444
And some of them still think
that I'm the it guy.

92
00:04:36,861 --> 00:04:39,447
This cookie monster thing is
an opportunity to show people

93
00:04:39,530 --> 00:04:41,740
that I'm an authority figure.

94
00:04:44,285 --> 00:04:47,746
Hello, everyone. If I might
have a moment of your time.

95
00:04:48,038 --> 00:04:50,416
It's come to my attention
that people have been watching

96
00:04:50,499 --> 00:04:52,877
and laughing at
a hurtful parody video.

97
00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:57,465
It is now forbidden to talk,
joke about, or email this around.

98
00:04:57,715 --> 00:04:58,841
Yeah.

99
00:04:59,216 --> 00:05:01,719
And that's straight
from corporate, so...

100
00:05:01,802 --> 00:05:04,430
Not to be scary, but,
yeah, I would listen to me.

101
00:05:04,513 --> 00:05:06,056
And that's all.

102
00:05:06,223 --> 00:05:07,516
(Bidding farewell in Italian)

103
00:05:15,316 --> 00:05:17,902
Would you mind if I
listened to my book on tape?

104
00:05:17,985 --> 00:05:19,904
I'm kind of a bookworm.

105
00:05:20,404 --> 00:05:24,950
This is a novelization of the movie
precious, based on the book push by sapphire.

106
00:05:25,034 --> 00:05:28,496
I was thinking it would be
fun to talk on the way over.

107
00:05:28,621 --> 00:05:31,916
What decade would you
have chosen to be a teenager?

108
00:05:34,001 --> 00:05:35,336
I don't know.

109
00:05:35,419 --> 00:05:37,129
I would have chosen the 1490s.

110
00:05:37,254 --> 00:05:38,297
(Exclaiming)

111
00:05:38,380 --> 00:05:40,174
'Cause america was discovered.

112
00:05:40,257 --> 00:05:41,300
Right.

113
00:05:42,927 --> 00:05:44,261
(Sighs)

114
00:05:44,345 --> 00:05:46,847
And then my last job was
at a taco bell express,

115
00:05:46,931 --> 00:05:51,310
but then it became a full taco bell
and, I don't know, I couldn't keep up.

116
00:05:51,393 --> 00:05:54,688
My favorite part about being a receptionist
is that I get to have my own desk.

117
00:05:54,772 --> 00:05:57,858
At my foster home I never
had a desk, so it's like...

118
00:05:57,942 --> 00:06:00,528
I don't mean that I didn't like
my foster home. I did like it.

119
00:06:00,611 --> 00:06:02,446
I just didn't have a desk there.

120
00:06:02,530 --> 00:06:05,533
Did you have a
favorite age? Or month?

121
00:06:07,034 --> 00:06:08,369
An age or month?

122
00:06:08,452 --> 00:06:12,373
Yeah, like a favorite month.
Like, I liked April when I was seven.

123
00:06:12,456 --> 00:06:15,751
I've been trying. I've
been trying to keep it going.

124
00:06:18,337 --> 00:06:20,839
Erin is just weird.

125
00:06:21,173 --> 00:06:23,133
How many pillows
do you sleep on at night?

126
00:06:23,217 --> 00:06:25,594
So how are
things going with Andy?

127
00:06:25,678 --> 00:06:27,972
He's the best boyfriend
in the world.

128
00:06:28,889 --> 00:06:30,891
Tell me about him
before I met him.

129
00:06:30,975 --> 00:06:32,434
Well, let's see...

130
00:06:34,770 --> 00:06:37,022
Andy plays the banjo.

131
00:06:37,106 --> 00:06:38,774
Yeah, I love that.

132
00:06:39,233 --> 00:06:43,904
Other than the fact that he dated Angela,
I don't think he is a snappy dresser.

133
00:06:43,988 --> 00:06:45,155
What?

134
00:06:45,239 --> 00:06:47,950
I don't think he is the best
dresser. Reminds me of easter.

135
00:06:48,033 --> 00:06:52,121
Sorry. About Angela.
Did you say he dated Angela?

136
00:06:52,663 --> 00:06:55,749
Mmm-hmm. You didn't know that?

137
00:06:55,833 --> 00:06:57,376
Waiter: Here we go. Hot plate.

138
00:06:57,459 --> 00:06:58,460
Oh, okay.

139
00:06:58,544 --> 00:07:00,337
Waiter: And your salad, miss.

140
00:07:01,630 --> 00:07:03,257
Why wouldn't he tell me that?

141
00:07:03,340 --> 00:07:04,550
I don't know.

142
00:07:05,050 --> 00:07:06,611
Probably didn't want you
to have a mental image

143
00:07:06,635 --> 00:07:09,054
of him having sex
with somebody else.

144
00:07:09,138 --> 00:07:10,139
They had sex?

145
00:07:10,222 --> 00:07:12,182
They were engaged, so...

146
00:07:14,184 --> 00:07:16,186
Okay, you know what, sir?

147
00:07:16,270 --> 00:07:17,313
Waiter: Yes?

148
00:07:17,396 --> 00:07:20,208
Yeah, I asked for pickles on my burger,
and there are only, like, five or six.

149
00:07:20,232 --> 00:07:21,609
Can I get some more pickles?

150
00:07:21,692 --> 00:07:23,861
Of course. I'll get
you a bowl of pickles.

151
00:07:23,944 --> 00:07:25,154
Michael: Thank you.

152
00:07:25,362 --> 00:07:26,947
(Groaning) They were engaged?

153
00:07:27,031 --> 00:07:28,324
Mmm-hmm.

154
00:07:29,450 --> 00:07:30,576
Yeah.

155
00:07:32,286 --> 00:07:33,412
Uh-oh.

156
00:07:33,495 --> 00:07:34,663
Well...

157
00:07:36,915 --> 00:07:38,459
(Groaning)

158
00:07:39,335 --> 00:07:41,503
What are you doing?
What are you doing?

159
00:07:41,587 --> 00:07:44,423
In the foster home,
my hair was my room.

160
00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:48,218
(Panting)

161
00:07:48,344 --> 00:07:49,887
(Shouting)

162
00:07:49,970 --> 00:07:52,848
Okay, okay, you know what?
You know what? You know what?

163
00:07:52,931 --> 00:07:55,559
Everybody's looking
at you right now.

164
00:07:57,019 --> 00:07:58,479
(Panting)

165
00:07:59,730 --> 00:08:01,899
I'll have what she's having.

166
00:08:07,029 --> 00:08:09,698
Did you have a...
Did you like your lunch?

167
00:08:09,782 --> 00:08:11,241
Did you have a good lunch?

168
00:08:12,576 --> 00:08:15,412
Did you like that?
Did you enjoy your food?

169
00:08:15,496 --> 00:08:17,164
It was good. I liked my lunch.

170
00:08:18,540 --> 00:08:20,626
(Groaning)

171
00:08:20,709 --> 00:08:22,044
What's up?

172
00:08:22,252 --> 00:08:24,463
Her milk is coming in.
She's getting uncomfortable.

173
00:08:24,546 --> 00:08:25,547
Dwight, don't be gross.

174
00:08:25,631 --> 00:08:27,466
No, no, he's right.

175
00:08:28,050 --> 00:08:31,303
Same thing happens with my cows
if I don't tend them frequently enough.

176
00:08:31,387 --> 00:08:33,847
You gotta milk them, or
else they'll moo like crazy.

177
00:08:33,931 --> 00:08:35,491
That's weird,
my breast pump is missing.

178
00:08:35,557 --> 00:08:37,059
Have you seen my breast pump?

179
00:08:37,142 --> 00:08:38,769
All right, this is
gonna traumatize me

180
00:08:38,852 --> 00:08:41,897
a hell of a lot more
than you, believe me.

181
00:08:41,980 --> 00:08:45,651
You know what, Dwight? Let me
just check the bathroom first. Okay?

182
00:08:45,734 --> 00:08:48,529
Really? Fine.
Let your breasts explode.

183
00:08:48,612 --> 00:08:50,406
Three squeezes
and I would drain you.

184
00:08:50,489 --> 00:08:51,949
Pam: Mmm.

185
00:08:55,285 --> 00:08:57,138
Meredith! Meredith: I
just like the way it feels.

186
00:08:57,162 --> 00:08:59,015
Pam: What are you doing?
Meredith: Just relax, okay?

187
00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:00,040
Relax?

188
00:09:00,124 --> 00:09:01,476
This is like
the Cadillac of pumps.

189
00:09:01,500 --> 00:09:02,626
Give it back to me, now!

190
00:09:02,710 --> 00:09:04,712
Okay. I was just warming it up.

191
00:09:04,795 --> 00:09:05,963
Thafs_. It's disgusting!

192
00:09:06,046 --> 00:09:07,214
It's not a big deal.

193
00:09:07,297 --> 00:09:08,632
It's not sterile!

194
00:09:08,716 --> 00:09:10,426
We're both girls. Who cares?

195
00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:27,192
So, how was lunch?

196
00:09:27,693 --> 00:09:29,027
Lunch was fine.

197
00:09:29,111 --> 00:09:32,656
Was it everything that you
hoped and dreamed it might be?

198
00:09:33,449 --> 00:09:35,451
I don't know.
It was lunch, Andy.

199
00:09:35,534 --> 00:09:38,203
Well, I know, I'm...
That's what I'm...

200
00:09:38,954 --> 00:09:41,039
Just wondering... I mean...

201
00:09:43,167 --> 00:09:44,960
Erin, I think we're out
of fax cover sheets.

202
00:09:45,043 --> 00:09:48,338
God, Oscar, will you keep
your pants on? It's easy.

203
00:09:52,801 --> 00:09:55,763
(Mimicking Kevin) My
name is Kevin. I'm an accountant.

204
00:09:55,846 --> 00:09:57,097
You see? I did the voice.

205
00:09:57,181 --> 00:09:58,891
It's a little derivative.

206
00:09:58,974 --> 00:10:00,309
But parody is always derivative.

207
00:10:00,392 --> 00:10:02,394
It's not organic.
Do you know what I mean?

208
00:10:02,478 --> 00:10:04,104
Jim does a really
good one. Do yours.

209
00:10:04,188 --> 00:10:06,398
Oh, guys, I really
refuse to participate.

210
00:10:06,482 --> 00:10:09,568
(Mimicking Kevin) "Michael, can
I have an advance on my paycheck,

211
00:10:09,651 --> 00:10:13,363
"because a Mrs. Fields cookies
just opened up at the mall!"

212
00:10:13,572 --> 00:10:17,117
Guys, why don't we leave the
parodies to the pros at madtv?

213
00:10:17,201 --> 00:10:20,913
"Sorry, Gabe, but that show
hasn't been on in many cookies."

214
00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:22,206
Okay.

215
00:10:23,624 --> 00:10:25,709
Hey, can I have
your attention, please?

216
00:10:25,793 --> 00:10:26,853
First of all, thanks to everyone

217
00:10:26,877 --> 00:10:30,130
for helping put this
awesome party together,

218
00:10:30,214 --> 00:10:34,718
and a very special shout-out to the
chair of the party planning committee,

219
00:10:35,260 --> 00:10:38,305
miss Angela Martin.
You have outdone yourself.

220
00:10:38,764 --> 00:10:39,848
Yeah, you know what?

221
00:10:39,932 --> 00:10:43,352
I think we can all agree that
Angela's not so great, so...

222
00:10:43,435 --> 00:10:46,146
I'm saying the exact opposite.
Angela is fantastic.

223
00:10:46,230 --> 00:10:47,731
No, no, no.

224
00:10:47,815 --> 00:10:49,149
Andy: Specific shout-out.

225
00:10:49,358 --> 00:10:50,526
Stop talking.

226
00:10:50,609 --> 00:10:56,198
Okay. As some of you may know, I have a
very special connection to secretary's day

227
00:10:56,281 --> 00:11:01,370
in the form of that 115-pound
moonbeam over there named Erin hannon.

228
00:11:01,703 --> 00:11:04,903
To a lot of you she may just be the person
who brings you your fax confirmations,

229
00:11:04,957 --> 00:11:07,918
but to me, she is my girlfriend,

230
00:11:08,627 --> 00:11:12,339
in addition to being the person
who brings me my fax confirmations.

231
00:11:12,422 --> 00:11:16,426
So, lwrote a little ditty

232
00:11:17,594 --> 00:11:20,889
that I would like to play
for all of you right now.

233
00:11:20,973 --> 00:11:26,436
It's a little tune called
secretary of love.

234
00:11:27,312 --> 00:11:29,773
One, two, one, two, three...

235
00:11:29,857 --> 00:11:31,108
(All gasping)

236
00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:32,568
I know about Angela.

237
00:11:32,651 --> 00:11:34,027
I know that you
were engaged to her

238
00:11:34,111 --> 00:11:35,255
and that you were
sleeping with her.

239
00:11:35,279 --> 00:11:37,281
Michael told me. Oh, god.

240
00:11:38,448 --> 00:11:39,759
Erin, can we talk
about this in private?

241
00:11:39,783 --> 00:11:43,453
I don't want it to be in
private. Is it true or is it not?

242
00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:48,041
Yes. Who else
did you sleep with?

243
00:11:48,125 --> 00:11:52,629
Did you sleep with Phyllis or
Kelly or Pam? Maybe all together?

244
00:11:52,713 --> 00:11:53,714
Pam: No. No. No. No.

245
00:11:53,797 --> 00:11:55,917
Did everyone know? Was I
the only one who didn't know?

246
00:11:55,966 --> 00:11:57,009
Yeah. Pretty much.

247
00:11:57,134 --> 00:11:58,135
Yeah. Kevin: Pretty much.

248
00:11:58,260 --> 00:12:02,055
Who are you? I don't
know you. Get away!

249
00:12:06,727 --> 00:12:08,247
I should probably
get involved in this,

250
00:12:08,312 --> 00:12:12,566
but I think my energy is better
spent on the cookie monster issue.

251
00:12:13,567 --> 00:12:17,487
Erin, you know, if I had been
engaged to anybody before you,

252
00:12:17,571 --> 00:12:19,448
I would have told you.

253
00:12:20,324 --> 00:12:21,325
Thanks.

254
00:12:21,408 --> 00:12:24,494
So if you need anything,
I'm right over there.

255
00:12:25,537 --> 00:12:31,585
(Mimicking Kevin) "Hey, Erin,
you look delicious! I mean, beautiful."

256
00:12:32,461 --> 00:12:35,797
Okay. Okay. There, I heard that.

257
00:12:35,881 --> 00:12:38,508
So, I'm sorry, Pam,
but that's it.

258
00:12:38,884 --> 00:12:42,512
I'm going to have to suspend
you without pay for two days.

259
00:12:42,596 --> 00:12:44,932
What? What do you
mean, suspend me?

260
00:12:45,015 --> 00:12:46,455
I think you need
to go a little easy.

261
00:12:46,516 --> 00:12:47,911
You can't just suspend
someone from work.

262
00:12:47,935 --> 00:12:51,730
Yeah, you're right. You know
what? You're suspended too, Jim.

263
00:12:55,025 --> 00:12:56,652
Okay. Fine. You too, Dwight.

264
00:12:56,735 --> 00:13:00,113
Wait, what? I was just slow-clapping
your no-nonsense decision-making.

265
00:13:00,197 --> 00:13:02,699
I don't want to hear it.
Suspended.

266
00:13:04,576 --> 00:13:07,496
"C" is for suspension.

267
00:13:10,207 --> 00:13:14,419
Why would that be something that
you would talk about on secretary's day?

268
00:13:14,503 --> 00:13:17,798
Andy, she's not the easiest person in
the world to have a conversation with.

269
00:13:17,881 --> 00:13:21,301
All right? And besides,
who doesn't tell their girlfriend

270
00:13:21,385 --> 00:13:24,805
that they were engaged to someone
who works four feet away from them?

271
00:13:24,888 --> 00:13:28,266
That's like... that's... that's
like Mr. & Mrs. Smith crap.

272
00:13:28,350 --> 00:13:30,811
I was gonna tell her,
just on my own time.

273
00:13:30,894 --> 00:13:34,272
You know what? I resent the
implication that I would keep that secret.

274
00:13:34,356 --> 00:13:37,901
Everyone here knows that I
can't and won't keep a secret.

275
00:13:39,653 --> 00:13:40,946
An dy: Who cares?

276
00:13:41,238 --> 00:13:46,118
I mean, it's not like I killed
somebody. Big deal, right?

277
00:13:46,201 --> 00:13:48,078
This is gonna blow
over in two seconds.

278
00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:50,580
She never asked me, so if
you think about it, it's kind of...

279
00:13:50,664 --> 00:13:54,459
I probably should have told her, I
guess. Everybody does stupid things.

280
00:13:56,461 --> 00:13:57,879
Psst.

281
00:13:57,963 --> 00:14:00,007
Hey.enn.

282
00:14:01,091 --> 00:14:03,844
You want to talk to me,
come to my desk.

283
00:14:14,104 --> 00:14:16,023
You embarrassed me earlier.

284
00:14:16,106 --> 00:14:18,191
Take it up with
the chief of police.

285
00:14:18,275 --> 00:14:22,571
You think I want people remembering
I had sensual relations with Andy?

286
00:14:22,654 --> 00:14:24,465
It's the kind of thing you
wish you could have annulled.

287
00:14:24,489 --> 00:14:26,283
I want to throw up
just thinking about it.

288
00:14:26,366 --> 00:14:28,702
I want to throw up
just thinking about it.

289
00:14:28,785 --> 00:14:31,204
You are throwing up
for the wrong reasons.

290
00:14:31,288 --> 00:14:33,915
I don't think this
fax is going through.

291
00:14:36,209 --> 00:14:40,422
Is there a different... I guess
put it through again, you know?

292
00:14:48,472 --> 00:14:49,556
Hey.

293
00:14:51,308 --> 00:14:54,144
You know,
I was engaged before Jim.

294
00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:57,272
Really?

295
00:14:57,355 --> 00:14:59,191
Yeah. And he worked here, too.

296
00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:02,277
It was Andy, wasn't it?

297
00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:04,613
No, no, it wasn't
Andy. It wasn't.

298
00:15:05,697 --> 00:15:07,365
It doesn't matter.

299
00:15:08,325 --> 00:15:11,078
It's not about
who you've been with.

300
00:15:11,161 --> 00:15:12,621
It's about who you end up with.

301
00:15:14,164 --> 00:15:18,794
Sometimes the heart doesn't know
what it wants until it finds what it wants.

302
00:15:24,883 --> 00:15:27,636
I hope you find what
you're looking for.

303
00:15:31,056 --> 00:15:32,390
Thank you.

304
00:15:44,152 --> 00:15:47,364
So I can reprimand them,
but I can't suspend them?

305
00:15:49,282 --> 00:15:51,952
Oh, I can't do either? Uh-huh.

306
00:15:52,035 --> 00:15:53,078
Fair enough.

307
00:15:53,203 --> 00:15:54,204
(Phone ringing)

308
00:15:54,287 --> 00:15:55,956
Hey, Toby.
Toby: I called Tallahassee.

309
00:15:56,039 --> 00:15:59,543
Now, he can ask you not to come in,
but he can't dock your pay. It's not legal.

310
00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:00,836
Very interesting.

311
00:16:00,919 --> 00:16:03,397
I also learned some interesting
things about how they structure their...

312
00:16:03,421 --> 00:16:05,298
Thanks, Toby.

313
00:16:05,382 --> 00:16:07,050
Gabe: Hey, everyone. Hi.

314
00:16:08,552 --> 00:16:10,512
Quite an afternoon, huh?

315
00:16:10,595 --> 00:16:13,765
Cathartic, in a way. I'm glad
that I got to share it with you.

316
00:16:14,099 --> 00:16:16,560
Makes you think about
what's really important.

317
00:16:16,643 --> 00:16:20,355
It's not about showing you're in
charge or flexing some sort of authority.

318
00:16:20,438 --> 00:16:22,315
It's about forgiveness.

319
00:16:22,399 --> 00:16:25,485
And, yes, I'm talking about you
three in this desk clump right here.

320
00:16:25,569 --> 00:16:27,362
I think that if you
were to apologize to me,

321
00:16:27,445 --> 00:16:29,698
then I would revoke
your suspension.

322
00:16:29,781 --> 00:16:31,908
I don't think
an apology is enough.

323
00:16:31,992 --> 00:16:36,746
I really think the only way for me to
learn my lesson is to take my suspension.

324
00:16:37,205 --> 00:16:39,666
And I gotta take
this bad attitude

325
00:16:39,749 --> 00:16:41,793
and I gotta go home
and I got to adjust it.

326
00:16:41,877 --> 00:16:43,729
Dwight: Oh, come on. I
hope the suspension does that.

327
00:16:43,753 --> 00:16:45,338
Pam: Yeah. Prideful idiots.

328
00:16:45,422 --> 00:16:49,801
Watch how it's done.
Gabriel, I apologize.

329
00:16:50,719 --> 00:16:51,887
Great.

330
00:16:53,180 --> 00:16:54,931
I kneel before you.

331
00:16:56,099 --> 00:16:58,476
Guys, I would even take a
contrite look as an apology.

332
00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:02,105
Humbly taking your hand upon
which I kiss to show my contrition.

333
00:17:04,191 --> 00:17:06,985
Guys, to... to err is human.

334
00:17:12,782 --> 00:17:15,076
Erin: Trust is the most
important thing to me.

335
00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:16,745
Is your name Andy Bernard?

336
00:17:16,828 --> 00:17:18,747
What's your real name?
Lionel Frankenstein?

337
00:17:18,830 --> 00:17:21,166
Will you stop walking
for one second?

338
00:17:21,249 --> 00:17:23,710
That's it. There's no
other secrets, okay?

339
00:17:24,753 --> 00:17:28,423
I mean, yeah, my chest
is not naturally hairless,

340
00:17:28,506 --> 00:17:30,467
and my parents pay
my credit card bill.

341
00:17:30,550 --> 00:17:32,886
How long were you guys together?

342
00:17:32,969 --> 00:17:34,137
A year.

343
00:17:35,055 --> 00:17:36,264
A year?

344
00:17:38,016 --> 00:17:39,434
You were together for a year?

345
00:17:39,517 --> 00:17:42,979
Yeah. But that's it. Now you
know everything about me.

346
00:17:44,481 --> 00:17:47,484
I promise. And if I
think of anything else...

347
00:17:48,693 --> 00:17:51,404
I think I have to be on
my own for a little bit.

348
00:17:51,488 --> 00:17:56,660
Like that girl precious in precious, based
on the novel push by sapphire. Okay?

349
00:17:57,744 --> 00:17:59,704
I didn't see that movie.

350
00:18:01,248 --> 00:18:03,166
(All chattering)

351
00:18:04,251 --> 00:18:06,503
That was ugly. I'm sorry
that you had to see that.

352
00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:07,879
Well, do they still get paid?

353
00:18:07,963 --> 00:18:10,048
It's tacky to discuss finances.

354
00:18:10,131 --> 00:18:11,967
It's best to pretend
that this never happened.

355
00:18:12,050 --> 00:18:13,819
Sounds like they just got
to go home with pay.

356
00:18:13,843 --> 00:18:15,428
Angela: Yeah. Pathetic.

357
00:18:15,637 --> 00:18:17,722
Can I buy everyone coffees?

358
00:18:20,767 --> 00:18:22,519
(Mimicking Kevin) Or cookies!

359
00:18:24,604 --> 00:18:25,665
Dwight: What was that?
Kelly: So gross.

360
00:18:25,689 --> 00:18:26,815
Are you kidding me?

361
00:18:26,898 --> 00:18:28,942
Was that an impression?
All right.

362
00:18:29,025 --> 00:18:34,406
(Mimicking Gabe) "Guys, I'm now going
to apologize for the mess that we're in,

363
00:18:35,031 --> 00:18:36,658
"because corporate told me to.

364
00:18:36,741 --> 00:18:37,784
(All laughing)

365
00:18:37,867 --> 00:18:40,912
"I just want you to know,
I laugh like a crazy person."

366
00:18:40,996 --> 00:18:42,580
Okay, you gotta be able to...

367
00:18:42,664 --> 00:18:46,293
You gotta be able to laugh at
yourself here. One of the gang.

368
00:18:46,376 --> 00:18:50,088
"I have to go back to the
zoo to the stick insect exhibit."

369
00:18:50,171 --> 00:18:51,798
(All laughing) Yeah.

370
00:18:53,425 --> 00:18:56,886
"Ciao. "Right? "Ciao.

371
00:18:57,262 --> 00:19:00,390
"I say ciao 'cause I'm
fancy from Tallahassee."

372
00:19:01,016 --> 00:19:03,810
Why don't we say
ciao to the impressions?

373
00:19:03,893 --> 00:19:06,396
All: Ciao.

374
00:19:08,023 --> 00:19:09,482
Dwight: Stick insect.

375
00:19:11,109 --> 00:19:13,153
God.

376
00:19:16,072 --> 00:19:17,157
Erin?

377
00:19:18,533 --> 00:19:19,635
Sorry. I thought
everyone was gone.

378
00:19:19,659 --> 00:19:22,495
No, no. I was just watching cookie
monster. It finally downloaded.

379
00:19:22,579 --> 00:19:23,663
Do you mind if I sit down?

380
00:19:23,747 --> 00:19:24,748
Yeah.

381
00:19:24,831 --> 00:19:26,082
What's...

382
00:19:28,084 --> 00:19:29,919
I can't trust Andy anymore.

383
00:19:30,003 --> 00:19:35,884
Oh, yeah. I'm sorry about that.
I feel... I'm sorry I caused that.

384
00:19:35,967 --> 00:19:37,093
It's Andy's fault.

385
00:19:37,177 --> 00:19:40,180
Well, yeah. Yes. So...
But I still feel sorry.

386
00:19:43,683 --> 00:19:45,185
(Sighs)

387
00:19:45,268 --> 00:19:48,688
You know what? I wouldn't
worry about Angela. She's...

388
00:19:49,356 --> 00:19:51,316
She doesn't hold
a candle to you, Erin.

389
00:19:51,399 --> 00:19:55,445
She's old enough to be
your mom, for one thing,

390
00:19:55,612 --> 00:19:59,240
and she's, like,
three feet tall,

391
00:19:59,324 --> 00:20:00,992
(both laughing)

392
00:20:01,076 --> 00:20:04,788
And she wears
pioneer women clothing,

393
00:20:04,871 --> 00:20:08,833
and I don't think she's
ever pooped in her life.

394
00:20:09,417 --> 00:20:14,714
And Andy? You know... come on.
Andy, his butt looks big in those khakis.

395
00:20:14,798 --> 00:20:16,800
Oh, I like his butt.

396
00:20:18,218 --> 00:20:19,928
You said butt.

397
00:20:20,011 --> 00:20:21,262
You tricked me.

398
00:20:21,346 --> 00:20:23,056
(Both exclaiming)

399
00:20:25,517 --> 00:20:27,227
(Exclaiming) You'd love...

400
00:20:27,310 --> 00:20:30,522
This... this guy in my
neighborhood, Tom dizemore.

401
00:20:30,855 --> 00:20:34,609
This is him. (Gruffly)
"Hey! Hey, Scott..."

402
00:20:34,692 --> 00:20:38,655
Andy: Sometimes telling
someone something is hard.

403
00:20:40,657 --> 00:20:44,285
Well, at least somebody made
her happy on secretary's day.

404
00:20:46,204 --> 00:20:49,141
(In Oscar's voice) Hey, Kevin, it's Oscar.
I'm looking at the sheet you sent me,

405
00:20:49,165 --> 00:20:51,310
and I can't seem to find the
column for shipping costs...

406
00:20:51,334 --> 00:20:55,380
I made the most
brilliant retaliation video.

407
00:20:56,047 --> 00:20:58,216
It is so awesome.

408
00:20:58,550 --> 00:21:00,093
I don't get it.

409
00:21:00,218 --> 00:21:02,345
Yeah, I mean, the count
has a very distinct voice.

410
00:21:02,429 --> 00:21:03,555
Thank you.

411
00:21:03,638 --> 00:21:05,390
Yeah, "I want to count to 10."

412
00:21:05,473 --> 00:21:06,473
Oscar: Yeah.

413
00:21:06,516 --> 00:21:07,642
But Oscar is an accountant,

414
00:21:07,725 --> 00:21:09,936
and the count counts numbers.

415
00:21:10,019 --> 00:21:11,771
You're an accountant,
too, so it doesn't...

416
00:21:11,855 --> 00:21:13,398
Why didn't you do
Oscar the grouch?

417
00:21:13,481 --> 00:21:15,084
That would have been funny.
That would have been funny.

418
00:21:15,108 --> 00:21:18,153
But the count is purple,
and Oscar wears purple.

419
00:21:18,236 --> 00:21:23,450
Oh! Oh! I was just watching
that. Did you do that, man? Oscar!

420
00:21:23,533 --> 00:21:28,037
And the count! Nailed him. Nailed
him! Good work, cookie monster.

421
00:21:28,204 --> 00:21:29,539
Thank you.