1 00:00:39,790 --> 00:00:41,375 You're falling behind. 2 00:00:48,007 --> 00:00:49,091 Wuphf.com. 3 00:00:49,133 --> 00:00:51,153 Ryan, we're doing a dance... This is how you build a business. 4 00:00:51,177 --> 00:00:52,237 Kelly: We're doing a dance. 5 00:00:52,261 --> 00:00:54,061 Ryan: This is how you make it in this country. 6 00:01:16,118 --> 00:01:17,453 Find out... you got creed. 7 00:01:17,536 --> 00:01:18,579 You jump in front of them. 8 00:01:18,663 --> 00:01:21,165 You make it so hard to love you sometimes. 9 00:01:21,249 --> 00:01:22,500 Still behind. 10 00:01:22,583 --> 00:01:23,584 I'll take these. 11 00:01:23,668 --> 00:01:26,045 I said I didn't want to be on the Internet! 12 00:01:26,170 --> 00:01:27,672 Go, go, go, go! 13 00:01:41,769 --> 00:01:43,020 All: Streamers! 14 00:01:49,860 --> 00:01:50,860 Dwight! 15 00:01:50,903 --> 00:01:52,196 Dwight, you got to be kidding me! 16 00:01:52,280 --> 00:01:53,781 Are you crazy? 17 00:02:15,136 --> 00:02:16,929 Toby, how did we do? 18 00:02:17,013 --> 00:02:18,973 Toby: Well, that was better. 19 00:02:19,056 --> 00:02:21,559 We did it! Yes! 20 00:03:01,474 --> 00:03:04,685 Michael: I suppose summer had to end sometime. 21 00:03:04,769 --> 00:03:08,189 It's sad, though, because I had a great summer. 22 00:03:08,272 --> 00:03:11,025 I got west nile virus. Lost a ton of weight. 23 00:03:11,108 --> 00:03:13,069 Then I went back to the lake. 24 00:03:13,152 --> 00:03:16,572 I stepped on a piece of glass in the parking lot, 25 00:03:16,655 --> 00:03:17,740 which hurt. 26 00:03:17,823 --> 00:03:20,785 That got infected, even though I peed on it. 27 00:03:21,952 --> 00:03:23,454 Saw inception. 28 00:03:24,997 --> 00:03:27,124 Or at least I dreamt I did. 29 00:03:28,250 --> 00:03:30,544 Broccoli Rob, obviously, will be there. 30 00:03:30,628 --> 00:03:31,629 Yes, of course. 31 00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:33,964 And j.C. We call him blorville, 32 00:03:34,048 --> 00:03:36,509 because he looks like a black Orville redenbacher. 33 00:03:36,592 --> 00:03:38,636 Who's the guy who invented the peanut? 34 00:03:38,719 --> 00:03:39,887 Hey, guys. Hey! 35 00:03:39,970 --> 00:03:41,514 Hi. Hi. 36 00:03:41,597 --> 00:03:42,657 Sorry, didn't mean to interrupt. 37 00:03:42,681 --> 00:03:43,682 Not at all. 38 00:03:43,974 --> 00:03:46,560 I'm gonna head back to Siberia there. 39 00:03:50,940 --> 00:03:53,567 I started dating Erin this summer. 40 00:03:53,651 --> 00:03:56,946 It has been, in a word, exquisite. 41 00:03:57,488 --> 00:03:58,948 Gabe is awesome. 42 00:03:59,031 --> 00:04:04,578 He has accomplished so much career-wise and height-wise. 43 00:04:04,662 --> 00:04:06,038 Thank god he's my boss 44 00:04:06,122 --> 00:04:07,915 because I would not have said yes 45 00:04:07,998 --> 00:04:09,917 to a first date if I didn't have to. 46 00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:12,753 But, it's been great. 47 00:04:12,837 --> 00:04:16,090 Am I angry that Gabe stole my girlfriend over the summer? 48 00:04:17,591 --> 00:04:20,678 I've been through anger management, okay? 49 00:04:20,761 --> 00:04:24,723 So right now I am sitting on a nice beach at Cape Cod, 50 00:04:24,807 --> 00:04:27,143 gazing out across the whitecaps. 51 00:04:28,436 --> 00:04:31,605 Oh, look, it's a humpback whale. 52 00:04:31,689 --> 00:04:33,065 How pretty. 53 00:04:34,358 --> 00:04:36,026 He's eating Gabe. 54 00:04:41,365 --> 00:04:42,366 Hey. 55 00:04:43,242 --> 00:04:44,326 What are you doing? 56 00:04:44,410 --> 00:04:46,537 From now on, if you're hot, sit on an ice pack. 57 00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:48,038 Well, what if you're cold? 58 00:04:48,330 --> 00:04:51,417 Like you'd ever be cold, Kevin. 59 00:04:51,500 --> 00:04:53,294 Stop asking me hypothetical questions. 60 00:04:53,377 --> 00:04:54,628 I'm too busy. 61 00:04:54,712 --> 00:04:55,897 Hey, Dwight, I don't know if you heard, 62 00:04:55,921 --> 00:04:58,024 but we're supposed to be drinking out of weird backpacks 63 00:04:58,048 --> 00:05:00,301 instead of cups, like regular people. Oh, you did hear. 64 00:05:01,552 --> 00:05:03,679 Jim, you have one job to do and you do it forgettably. 65 00:05:03,762 --> 00:05:06,474 Those of us who are busy require hands-free hydration. 66 00:05:06,557 --> 00:05:09,310 Dwight schrute, star salesman, beet farmer. 67 00:05:09,393 --> 00:05:12,646 Bed and breakfast proprietor. Aspiring freelance bodyguard. 68 00:05:12,730 --> 00:05:15,441 Add to that list, owner of this building. 69 00:05:17,067 --> 00:05:19,028 Then burn the list. 70 00:05:20,863 --> 00:05:24,783 This summer I did the minority executive training program at Yale. 71 00:05:24,867 --> 00:05:26,344 You guys, I'm, like, really smart now. 72 00:05:26,368 --> 00:05:28,162 You don't even know. You could ask me, 73 00:05:28,245 --> 00:05:30,165 "Kelly, what's the biggest company in the world?" 74 00:05:30,247 --> 00:05:32,249 And I'd be, like, "blah, blah, blah, 75 00:05:32,333 --> 00:05:33,876 "blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah," 76 00:05:33,959 --> 00:05:36,420 giving you the exact right answer. 77 00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:37,963 Coffee monkey's arrived. 78 00:05:38,506 --> 00:05:40,591 I thought the coffee was supposed to be here at 9:00. 79 00:05:41,091 --> 00:05:42,760 Here you go, big o. 80 00:05:44,929 --> 00:05:46,138 Tiny. 81 00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:49,266 Darryl hanah. 82 00:05:50,935 --> 00:05:53,437 This says "decaf." You got me decaf? 83 00:05:53,938 --> 00:05:58,359 Ooh, yeah. Must have been some sort of mix-up there. 84 00:06:00,110 --> 00:06:03,405 You cool to just drink it, or should I drive all the way back? 85 00:06:07,535 --> 00:06:11,539 Well, summer, I blew out my knee playing softball. 86 00:06:11,622 --> 00:06:14,083 Ended up watching CNN most of the time. 87 00:06:14,166 --> 00:06:16,186 I don't know how we're gonna get out of Afghanistan. 88 00:06:16,210 --> 00:06:18,212 I hate the new assistant. 89 00:06:18,295 --> 00:06:20,798 He's only been here for a week and I hate him. 90 00:06:20,881 --> 00:06:23,884 The new guy sucks. Calls me "the nard man." 91 00:06:23,968 --> 00:06:27,054 I'm the "nard dog," okay? Nard man is my father. 92 00:06:27,263 --> 00:06:29,390 My name is Luke Cooper. 93 00:06:29,473 --> 00:06:31,350 I love cinema. 94 00:06:31,433 --> 00:06:34,812 My favorite movies are citizen Kane and the boondock saints. 95 00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:38,941 That kid is the worst. Needs to be fired, Michael. 96 00:06:39,024 --> 00:06:41,735 He's not the worst. Okay? He's not the worst. 97 00:06:41,819 --> 00:06:42,861 You know who's the worst? 98 00:06:43,070 --> 00:06:45,155 That intern we had a few years ago. That guy. 99 00:06:45,239 --> 00:06:46,782 Remember? 100 00:06:46,865 --> 00:06:48,576 That face, how ugly he was? 101 00:06:48,659 --> 00:06:51,245 He was the worst. Good worker, though. 102 00:06:53,497 --> 00:06:54,497 It's not cappuccino. 103 00:06:54,540 --> 00:06:55,541 He messed yours up, too. 104 00:06:55,624 --> 00:06:56,792 He's got to go, Mike. 105 00:06:56,875 --> 00:06:58,419 It's just coffee, guys. 106 00:06:58,502 --> 00:07:00,504 But, yeah, I'll look into it, okay? 107 00:07:03,841 --> 00:07:05,050 Wow, that's a lot of keys. 108 00:07:05,884 --> 00:07:07,654 The bigger the key chain, the more powerful the man. 109 00:07:07,678 --> 00:07:09,597 That's right. The janitor said that. 110 00:07:09,680 --> 00:07:10,991 By the way, the raccoons are back. 111 00:07:11,015 --> 00:07:12,016 Where? 112 00:07:12,433 --> 00:07:15,269 I think they run through these panels and then down under the map. 113 00:07:15,352 --> 00:07:17,497 I wouldn't know for sure 'cause I don't have a trained ear. 114 00:07:17,521 --> 00:07:19,001 That's why I have to use one of these. 115 00:07:20,274 --> 00:07:22,026 Give me that. 116 00:07:22,109 --> 00:07:23,944 Wait. And this. 117 00:07:24,278 --> 00:07:26,238 Yes gogefem. 118 00:07:26,530 --> 00:07:27,990 What happened to me this summer? 119 00:07:28,073 --> 00:07:29,153 Dwight bought the building, 120 00:07:29,199 --> 00:07:33,203 so, actually, this has been the busiest summer of my life. 121 00:07:46,508 --> 00:07:48,969 Hey, what's so funny over here? 122 00:07:50,012 --> 00:07:53,057 Ha! Very nice. Give me my keys. 123 00:07:58,729 --> 00:08:00,439 Ha! Ha! 124 00:08:00,522 --> 00:08:02,941 Not funny, Jim! 125 00:08:05,653 --> 00:08:06,654 Sorry. 126 00:08:06,737 --> 00:08:07,839 Oh, no. Don't worry about it. 127 00:08:07,863 --> 00:08:10,783 I was just gonna put a couple keys on every day until Christmas. 128 00:08:10,866 --> 00:08:12,826 Then his pants would have fallen down, 129 00:08:12,910 --> 00:08:14,262 which was a little gift to me, but... 130 00:08:14,286 --> 00:08:15,537 It was really funny. 131 00:08:15,746 --> 00:08:17,106 Well, it would have been. 132 00:08:18,207 --> 00:08:20,542 So unprofessional, Mrs. Halpert. 133 00:08:22,044 --> 00:08:23,420 I love you. 134 00:08:24,672 --> 00:08:26,465 Thanks. 135 00:08:26,548 --> 00:08:27,591 Luke. 136 00:08:28,300 --> 00:08:29,426 Luke! 137 00:08:30,344 --> 00:08:31,387 What's up, Venus? 138 00:08:31,637 --> 00:08:34,515 Did you send those samples to Justin at lehigh motors yesterday? 139 00:08:34,598 --> 00:08:35,933 Because he didn't get them. 140 00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:39,353 Uh, if you asked me to do it, I'm sure I did it. 141 00:08:41,146 --> 00:08:42,314 Yeah, strawberries are ripe. 142 00:08:42,439 --> 00:08:43,482 Meredith: Hey. 143 00:08:43,565 --> 00:08:46,151 Turn off the chumbawamba and scram, twerp. 144 00:08:46,235 --> 00:08:47,986 All right. You don't have to yell. 145 00:08:48,070 --> 00:08:49,446 Okay, rude. 146 00:08:50,656 --> 00:08:51,782 Luke, 147 00:08:52,241 --> 00:08:54,868 I want you to go to the supermarket for me. 148 00:08:55,119 --> 00:08:56,203 What for? 149 00:08:56,286 --> 00:08:58,163 To get some ice cream for everybody. 150 00:08:58,247 --> 00:09:01,125 It's national ice cream afternoon. 151 00:09:01,208 --> 00:09:03,085 Great. 152 00:09:03,168 --> 00:09:05,713 And another thing I did this summer, 153 00:09:07,005 --> 00:09:08,674 I hired my nephew. 154 00:09:11,552 --> 00:09:13,804 Having Luke here is a pretty big deal for me. 155 00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:15,848 Because his mother, 156 00:09:15,931 --> 00:09:18,892 who also happens to be my half sister, 157 00:09:18,976 --> 00:09:22,646 kind of cut me off from that side of the family 15 years ago... 158 00:09:22,730 --> 00:09:24,732 Fourteen. 159 00:09:24,815 --> 00:09:28,986 The last time I saw Luke was the opening day of ace ventura ll, 160 00:09:29,069 --> 00:09:30,237 and that was '95. 161 00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:33,031 So, yes, 15 years on the dot. 162 00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:38,537 Anyway, I lost him in a forest. 163 00:09:38,912 --> 00:09:40,664 "Don't bother Luke." 164 00:09:40,956 --> 00:09:42,833 Why is there a circle with a line through it? 165 00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:44,293 That means don't. 166 00:09:44,376 --> 00:09:45,794 Haven't you seen ghost busters, Pam? 167 00:09:46,044 --> 00:09:48,672 Yeah, but it's like you're saying we should bother Luke. 168 00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:50,674 No, it... 169 00:09:51,508 --> 00:09:54,762 Yes, okay. Right. All right, yep. My bad. 170 00:09:54,845 --> 00:09:56,221 I got it. 171 00:09:57,222 --> 00:09:58,515 Here we go. 172 00:10:00,434 --> 00:10:02,936 Don't don't bother Luke. Got it. 173 00:10:03,437 --> 00:10:05,689 Come on. Okay. 174 00:10:10,486 --> 00:10:12,362 That's as clear as I can make it. 175 00:10:12,529 --> 00:10:14,406 Hey, why can't we bother Luke? He deserves it. 176 00:10:14,490 --> 00:10:16,134 Because I don't want it getting back to sabre 177 00:10:16,158 --> 00:10:17,343 that we're yelling at assistants. 178 00:10:17,367 --> 00:10:18,847 I think it would reflect poorly on us. 179 00:10:18,911 --> 00:10:20,746 Who's gonna tell on us? Gabe? 180 00:10:22,206 --> 00:10:23,624 That'd be hilarious. 181 00:10:23,707 --> 00:10:26,752 "Jo, they're creating a hostile work environment. Stop them." 182 00:10:26,835 --> 00:10:27,836 Nope, it won't be Gabe. 183 00:10:27,920 --> 00:10:29,797 But, actually, there is somebody in the office 184 00:10:29,880 --> 00:10:31,298 who is very, very close to Luke. 185 00:10:31,715 --> 00:10:32,715 How close? 186 00:10:32,758 --> 00:10:34,038 Well, Dwight, he wiped his butt. 187 00:10:34,092 --> 00:10:35,260 Is that close enough for you? 188 00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:38,263 Yes. Of course. 189 00:10:38,347 --> 00:10:41,141 Guys, I think Michael and Luke are related. 190 00:10:42,434 --> 00:10:44,061 No, Toby. He's not. 191 00:10:45,562 --> 00:10:47,064 Yes, he is. He's my nephew. 192 00:10:47,731 --> 00:10:49,066 What? What? 193 00:10:49,399 --> 00:10:50,651 Luke is my nephew. 194 00:10:50,734 --> 00:10:51,920 Oscar: Michael, that's nepotism. 195 00:10:51,944 --> 00:10:54,047 Luke is getting special treatment because he's your nephew. 196 00:10:54,071 --> 00:10:57,115 Yes, exactly. That is a very nice way of putting it, Oscar. 197 00:10:57,616 --> 00:11:01,036 Mixing family and business is a beautiful thing. 198 00:11:01,119 --> 00:11:02,830 What's wrong with a level playing field? 199 00:11:02,913 --> 00:11:05,582 Do you think they should have had open auditions 200 00:11:05,666 --> 00:11:06,875 for the band hanson? 201 00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:09,670 What if no one named hanson showed up? 202 00:11:09,753 --> 00:11:11,171 That wouldn't even make sense. 203 00:11:11,255 --> 00:11:15,759 Or what if they just hired the littlest kid and a 50-year-old guy 204 00:11:16,844 --> 00:11:18,053 who was a murderer? 205 00:11:19,221 --> 00:11:20,264 Really safe. 206 00:11:20,556 --> 00:11:22,766 Oh, man, so many points being made. 207 00:11:23,225 --> 00:11:24,905 Creed: I couldn't care less about nepotism. 208 00:11:25,143 --> 00:11:27,187 But I'm loving the debate. 209 00:11:27,271 --> 00:11:29,439 Great minds battling it out. 210 00:11:29,523 --> 00:11:31,441 And I've got a front row seat. 211 00:11:31,775 --> 00:11:34,820 God, when he needed help on earth, who did he hire? 212 00:11:34,903 --> 00:11:36,238 Jesus Christ, his son. 213 00:11:36,405 --> 00:11:37,632 That's a really tight argument. 214 00:11:37,656 --> 00:11:38,782 Michael: Thank you. Yeah. 215 00:11:38,866 --> 00:11:41,493 Butyoute comparing you and Luke to god and Jesus. 216 00:11:41,618 --> 00:11:42,661 No. No. 217 00:11:42,744 --> 00:11:45,455 I'm just saying, why does god get to do something that I don't? 218 00:11:45,831 --> 00:11:47,124 This is hypothetical. 219 00:11:47,207 --> 00:11:49,227 We're talking about Luke, who happens to be terrible. 220 00:11:49,251 --> 00:11:52,045 Well, then, why aren't you bugging me to fire everybody who's bad? 221 00:11:52,129 --> 00:11:54,882 You just want me to fire Luke. That's reverse nepotism. 222 00:11:55,215 --> 00:11:58,051 He should not be punished because he is related to me 223 00:11:58,135 --> 00:11:59,553 and bad at what he does! 224 00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:01,781 I would just like to say something off of what Darryl said 225 00:12:01,805 --> 00:12:03,223 about the level playing field. 226 00:12:03,307 --> 00:12:05,642 That is actually a zoning issue. 227 00:12:09,104 --> 00:12:10,480 So, thank you. 228 00:12:11,982 --> 00:12:13,626 If there's nothing wrong with this, Michael, 229 00:12:13,650 --> 00:12:15,003 why have you been keeping it a secret? 230 00:12:15,027 --> 00:12:19,406 Because I wanted you to come to me and say, "wow, he is so great." 231 00:12:19,489 --> 00:12:21,909 And I was gonna say, "well, it's in the genes." 232 00:12:21,992 --> 00:12:24,411 And I was actually gonna be wearing jeans. 233 00:12:24,494 --> 00:12:25,638 And I'd point to them, right? 234 00:12:25,662 --> 00:12:27,142 No. 'Cause you ruined it. 235 00:12:27,331 --> 00:12:29,416 So, thank you very much. 236 00:12:29,499 --> 00:12:31,919 Here he comes. Guys, look. 237 00:12:32,002 --> 00:12:35,756 I don't want you to treat him like anyone else in the office. 238 00:12:35,839 --> 00:12:38,008 I just want you to treat him like my nephew. 239 00:12:38,133 --> 00:12:39,760 Hey, there he is. Erin: Hey! 240 00:12:39,843 --> 00:12:41,345 There he is! Ice cream afternoon! 241 00:12:43,305 --> 00:12:44,681 Wait. 242 00:12:44,765 --> 00:12:48,101 Soy ice cream? Did you get real ice cream? 243 00:12:48,185 --> 00:12:49,436 Or enough for everyone? 244 00:12:49,811 --> 00:12:52,439 No, man. There was no list. 245 00:12:52,522 --> 00:12:53,732 But I got bagel chips. 246 00:12:53,815 --> 00:12:56,175 Oh, my favorite part of an ice cream party. The bagel chips. 247 00:12:57,069 --> 00:12:58,612 Clutch cream run, bro. 248 00:13:02,783 --> 00:13:04,368 Get whatever you want. On me. 249 00:13:04,785 --> 00:13:07,037 You really think you can make it up to me with food? 250 00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:08,830 I don't know. That usually works. 251 00:13:08,914 --> 00:13:11,959 I feel horrible for blowing Jim's prank. 252 00:13:12,042 --> 00:13:14,795 I don't know if you can tell, but he's mildly upset. 253 00:13:14,878 --> 00:13:16,356 And Dwight hasn't been messed with in a while, 254 00:13:16,380 --> 00:13:18,632 so he's become a monster. 255 00:13:18,715 --> 00:13:20,175 I need to make this right. 256 00:13:29,059 --> 00:13:31,353 I came down here to feed the feral cats like I usually do, 257 00:13:31,436 --> 00:13:33,915 and I found something unsavory in the back of your nephew's car. 258 00:13:33,939 --> 00:13:37,275 Okay, you know what? Just... just back off. Back off! 259 00:13:37,359 --> 00:13:40,153 Well, take a look. It's all the packages he was supposed to overnight. 260 00:13:40,237 --> 00:13:42,739 He never bothered to send them. 261 00:13:42,823 --> 00:13:45,909 All right, those might be his. 262 00:13:45,993 --> 00:13:47,327 He might own an eBay store. 263 00:13:47,411 --> 00:13:49,496 Yep. That's exactly what my first thought was. 264 00:13:49,579 --> 00:13:51,015 And then I remembered having a conversation with him 265 00:13:51,039 --> 00:13:52,976 where he was like, "I don't own an eBay store." So... 266 00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:55,002 Okay, okay. You know what? This is disgusting. 267 00:13:55,085 --> 00:13:56,503 This is like a witch hunt. 268 00:13:56,586 --> 00:13:58,463 This is like the Blair witch hunt project. 269 00:13:58,547 --> 00:14:00,257 I'm sure those are the expense reports 270 00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:01,940 that corporate was waiting for yesterday. 271 00:14:02,009 --> 00:14:04,237 They are not. Let's just make this kid open his damn car. 272 00:14:04,261 --> 00:14:06,322 Oh, my gosh, those are the pants you wanted to return to talbots. 273 00:14:06,346 --> 00:14:08,640 I'm reconsidering sending them back anyway. 274 00:14:08,765 --> 00:14:10,976 You get that kid to open this car, 275 00:14:11,143 --> 00:14:13,437 or I'm gonna do it myself 276 00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:14,813 by calling AAA. 277 00:14:14,896 --> 00:14:16,314 Wait a minute. I'm in. 278 00:14:16,606 --> 00:14:18,358 Don't... all right. 279 00:14:18,442 --> 00:14:20,193 Well, okay. 280 00:14:20,277 --> 00:14:22,195 You've just committed a felony. 281 00:14:22,279 --> 00:14:23,447 Yep, here they are. 282 00:14:23,613 --> 00:14:26,742 Yep, I just lost a client 'cause I swore I sent these samples on time. 283 00:14:26,825 --> 00:14:28,265 This kid's costing us sales, Michael. 284 00:14:30,078 --> 00:14:32,015 I'm sorry, do you want to try them on again to see... 285 00:14:32,039 --> 00:14:34,958 No, I know they fit. It's not about the fit. 286 00:14:38,336 --> 00:14:39,755 Why is this my problem, Michael? 287 00:14:39,838 --> 00:14:41,339 Because Gabe tattled. 288 00:14:41,423 --> 00:14:44,051 I was perfectly happy to just hide it from you. 289 00:14:44,134 --> 00:14:45,903 Gabe: Those overnight packages needed to go out, 290 00:14:45,927 --> 00:14:48,031 and Michael refuses to hold the guilty party accountable. 291 00:14:48,055 --> 00:14:49,431 Lower yourself, Gabe. 292 00:14:49,514 --> 00:14:52,059 I don't wanna be having a conversation with your crotch. 293 00:14:54,686 --> 00:14:57,105 Okay, now educate me why you won't fire the boy. 294 00:14:57,564 --> 00:14:58,732 You don't have all the facts. 295 00:14:58,899 --> 00:15:00,817 Which are? I love him. 296 00:15:01,651 --> 00:15:04,905 Oh, god. How far has it gone? 297 00:15:06,198 --> 00:15:08,658 No. No. He's my nephew. 298 00:15:08,950 --> 00:15:11,578 Well, I got a nephew, too, but he don't work for me. 299 00:15:11,661 --> 00:15:14,247 You know why? 'Cause he's a screw-up. 300 00:15:14,331 --> 00:15:16,833 He can swim in my pool, but he can't come in my house. 301 00:15:16,958 --> 00:15:20,796 Well, this office is my pool and my house is my house, 302 00:15:20,879 --> 00:15:24,049 and I just want my nephew to work in my pool. 303 00:15:24,132 --> 00:15:27,177 If you keep him, Michael, I'm gonna hold you accountable for him. 304 00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:29,587 You're on the hook for this kid. You got that? Mmm-hmm. 305 00:15:29,805 --> 00:15:31,431 Cover his ass like tighty-whiteys. 306 00:15:31,515 --> 00:15:34,643 I will cover his ass like moss on a Mississippi tree stump. 307 00:15:35,185 --> 00:15:36,937 Was how I put it not clear enough? 308 00:15:37,020 --> 00:15:39,022 I mean, you had to go and make up your own saying? 309 00:15:39,147 --> 00:15:40,147 Okay. 310 00:15:40,190 --> 00:15:41,274 Deal with it, boys. 311 00:15:42,776 --> 00:15:48,573 Luke and I have been working side by side as master and commander. 312 00:15:48,657 --> 00:15:50,450 Me as master, he as commander. 313 00:15:50,534 --> 00:15:52,369 Occasionally, he'll need a little push. 314 00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:56,957 And I will do that, and he'll slow down, and then I'll push him again. 315 00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:59,018 That's the thing with kids. You have to keep pushing. 316 00:15:59,042 --> 00:16:01,419 You have to push them until they push you back, 317 00:16:01,503 --> 00:16:02,671 and then you push some more. 318 00:16:02,754 --> 00:16:06,716 It's all about give and take, but mostly it's about pushing each other. 319 00:16:07,801 --> 00:16:09,386 Oh, yeah. 320 00:16:09,469 --> 00:16:10,846 This will be easy. 321 00:16:10,929 --> 00:16:13,265 So just, like, rearrange the buttons and stuff. 322 00:16:13,473 --> 00:16:16,351 Yeah, yeah. Like when he presses "door close," the doors open. 323 00:16:16,434 --> 00:16:18,079 Or he presses "lobby," it goes to third floor. 324 00:16:18,103 --> 00:16:19,396 Stuff like that. Can you do that? 325 00:16:19,521 --> 00:16:22,524 Yeah. Let me take a look at the circus board. 326 00:16:22,941 --> 00:16:26,027 Dwight is about to get so pammed. 327 00:16:26,736 --> 00:16:28,822 Hey, did you smsltext message me? 328 00:16:28,905 --> 00:16:31,366 Yeah, I wanted to show you something in the lobby. Come on. 329 00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:41,042 Okay, that's weird. I was just hitting "door close." What? 330 00:16:41,293 --> 00:16:42,836 There we go. Well... 331 00:16:42,919 --> 00:16:43,920 Good. 332 00:16:43,962 --> 00:16:45,297 Is this elevator going up? Hmm? 333 00:16:46,173 --> 00:16:48,675 Hey, the elevator is disobeying us! 334 00:16:50,886 --> 00:16:54,514 Okay. Okay. We are stuck. We are stuck. 335 00:16:54,848 --> 00:16:57,350 Hank! Hank! Can you hear us? 336 00:16:57,434 --> 00:16:59,019 Oh, my god. Okay. Emergency protocol. 337 00:16:59,102 --> 00:17:01,229 Okay, just... Just... just calm down. 338 00:17:01,313 --> 00:17:04,191 Pam, try and pry open those front doors, immediately. 339 00:17:04,274 --> 00:17:06,943 I don't... use your talons! Pry 'em open! 340 00:17:07,027 --> 00:17:08,945 Okay, Dwight... oh, my god! 341 00:17:09,029 --> 00:17:10,113 Well, don't look, freak! 342 00:17:10,197 --> 00:17:11,948 Dwight, what are you doing? Well... 343 00:17:12,115 --> 00:17:13,992 We've only been in here for, like, two seconds. 344 00:17:14,075 --> 00:17:15,952 I got 56 ounces of fluid in my bladder! 345 00:17:16,036 --> 00:17:18,038 And we have to establish a pee corner. 346 00:17:18,121 --> 00:17:20,290 You've got to be kidding me. 347 00:17:20,707 --> 00:17:24,419 Luke is going to use his laser pointer to point to account setup. 348 00:17:24,502 --> 00:17:27,881 You click on that first, then a whole new... not... no, no, no. 349 00:17:27,964 --> 00:17:29,549 Luke, come on. Come on. 350 00:17:29,633 --> 00:17:31,509 Not on Oscar's head. 351 00:17:31,593 --> 00:17:33,595 All right. Luke, come on. 352 00:17:33,803 --> 00:17:34,803 Stop it. 353 00:17:34,846 --> 00:17:36,282 What? I'm stopping it. That's what you said. 354 00:17:36,306 --> 00:17:38,391 Give me the pointer. 355 00:17:38,475 --> 00:17:39,660 So you just want me to move it. 356 00:17:39,684 --> 00:17:40,828 You're being totally unclear here. 357 00:17:40,852 --> 00:17:42,914 I'm just gonna go ahead and move it. No, just power it down. 358 00:17:42,938 --> 00:17:45,315 No, no, no, no, no. Not on Angela's boob. Come on. Come on. 359 00:17:45,482 --> 00:17:46,608 Luke, seriously. 360 00:17:46,650 --> 00:17:48,860 All right, fine, fine. I'll just go. Okay. 361 00:17:48,944 --> 00:17:51,738 I'm gone. All right. Okay. 362 00:17:51,821 --> 00:17:52,906 Good job. 363 00:17:53,073 --> 00:17:54,324 Okay, email accounts. 364 00:17:54,407 --> 00:17:56,076 So, we're starting with account setup. 365 00:17:56,201 --> 00:17:58,620 Oh, my god, is it in my eyeball? Yes. 366 00:17:58,703 --> 00:17:59,829 I think he's burning my eye. 367 00:17:59,955 --> 00:18:01,155 Angela: Michael, do something. 368 00:18:01,248 --> 00:18:02,928 Sack up, man. Kelly: You have to stop this. 369 00:18:02,999 --> 00:18:04,084 Luke, can I have that? No. 370 00:18:04,167 --> 00:18:07,254 Okay, I am going to count down from five. 371 00:18:07,337 --> 00:18:08,421 Five. Five. 372 00:18:08,505 --> 00:18:09,505 Fouh fouh 373 00:18:09,547 --> 00:18:11,007 I'm not kidding. 374 00:18:11,132 --> 00:18:12,175 Three. Three. 375 00:18:12,259 --> 00:18:13,301 Two. Two. 376 00:18:13,385 --> 00:18:14,928 One. Give... okay. 377 00:18:15,011 --> 00:18:16,805 All right, give it up. No! 378 00:18:16,888 --> 00:18:20,392 You are going to learn to be more professional, Luke! 379 00:18:20,517 --> 00:18:21,517 Luke: What the... 380 00:18:21,559 --> 00:18:24,145 That's what you're going to do, Luke! 381 00:18:24,229 --> 00:18:25,438 What the hell was that? 382 00:18:25,522 --> 00:18:27,357 I had to do that. 383 00:18:29,192 --> 00:18:30,485 This! 384 00:18:30,819 --> 00:18:32,612 Screw it! All right. Are we good? 385 00:18:35,156 --> 00:18:37,117 You're okay. 386 00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:38,535 He's okay. 387 00:18:41,538 --> 00:18:45,500 There are many different schools of thought on capital punishment. 388 00:18:45,583 --> 00:18:47,377 That was awesome. 389 00:18:47,836 --> 00:18:49,629 Texas justice. 390 00:18:49,713 --> 00:18:51,548 Yeah, your nephew is so lame. 391 00:18:51,631 --> 00:18:54,634 He's been trashing us relentlessly on Twitter. 392 00:18:54,718 --> 00:18:57,137 Yeah, it's funny stuff, but mean. 393 00:18:57,220 --> 00:18:59,222 You follow him on Twitter? 394 00:18:59,306 --> 00:19:02,017 Everywhere I look, it's Betty white this and Betty white that. 395 00:19:02,100 --> 00:19:04,978 Finally, a kid who's not talking about Betty white. 396 00:19:05,061 --> 00:19:06,438 Of course I follow him. 397 00:19:06,730 --> 00:19:09,983 Michael, you just physically assaulted an employee. 398 00:19:10,066 --> 00:19:11,359 Can we talk in private? 399 00:19:12,193 --> 00:19:15,196 Yes, of course. What is this in reference to? 400 00:19:18,366 --> 00:19:19,451 Pam? 401 00:19:19,534 --> 00:19:20,785 Pam: Oh, hey, Jim. 402 00:19:20,869 --> 00:19:24,497 Some prankster switched the elevator buttons on Dwight. 403 00:19:24,581 --> 00:19:25,623 I did not do this. 404 00:19:25,707 --> 00:19:26,708 I know. 405 00:19:30,420 --> 00:19:33,757 Yeah, and it was going really great at first. I got video. 406 00:19:35,091 --> 00:19:36,176 This is impressive. 407 00:19:36,634 --> 00:19:38,011 Well, you know, they don't call me 408 00:19:38,094 --> 00:19:39,774 "the Bart Simpson of Scranton" for nothing. 409 00:19:40,055 --> 00:19:42,432 Do they call you that? They do call me that. 410 00:19:42,766 --> 00:19:44,368 Come on, give me your hand. I'll help you down. 411 00:19:44,392 --> 00:19:46,519 Nope. Scared of getting cut in half. 412 00:19:46,603 --> 00:19:47,843 Also, there's pee on the floor. 413 00:19:49,105 --> 00:19:51,816 Of course there is. Hey, Chinese tonight? 414 00:19:52,233 --> 00:19:53,610 Yeah. All right. 415 00:19:54,903 --> 00:19:56,654 How you doing? Pretty good. 416 00:19:57,280 --> 00:19:58,560 You must be almost out of water. 417 00:19:58,948 --> 00:20:02,285 Stop drinking the water! Stop! 418 00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:08,768 Andy: No, no, no, no. It's the other hand, fighthand. 419 00:20:08,792 --> 00:20:09,792 Right hand? Yeah. 420 00:20:09,834 --> 00:20:11,604 Michael: Would have been nice to work with my family. 421 00:20:11,628 --> 00:20:15,382 It would have been nice if Luke had been able to stay here. 422 00:20:15,465 --> 00:20:16,716 But he couldn't. 423 00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:19,094 These things seldom work out. 424 00:20:19,177 --> 00:20:21,638 I don't know how ringling brothers do it. 425 00:20:21,721 --> 00:20:24,516 Night after night, town after town, all across america. 426 00:20:24,641 --> 00:20:26,726 You would think they'd be sick of each other by now, 427 00:20:26,810 --> 00:20:29,813 but, clearly, they make it work. 428 00:20:29,896 --> 00:20:31,189 And my hat's off to them. 429 00:20:34,317 --> 00:20:35,360 Hey! Whoa! 430 00:20:35,443 --> 00:20:36,736 Hey. You... 431 00:20:36,820 --> 00:20:38,488 Dwight. Dwight... 432 00:20:39,948 --> 00:20:41,074 Stop! 433 00:20:42,367 --> 00:20:44,744 Legal says the best way to protect us from a lawsuit 434 00:20:44,828 --> 00:20:47,205 is to call this a stress induced outburst. 435 00:20:47,664 --> 00:20:48,665 Mmm-hmm. 436 00:20:49,207 --> 00:20:51,626 You will have to undergo six sessions ofcounsehng. 437 00:20:52,001 --> 00:20:53,628 That's it? Really? 438 00:20:54,838 --> 00:20:57,048 That's nothing. All right. 439 00:20:57,132 --> 00:20:59,008 That's highway robbery. Good. 440 00:20:59,092 --> 00:21:00,760 Well, that's the spirit. I can do that. 441 00:21:00,844 --> 00:21:02,595 And you will do your counseling right here 442 00:21:02,679 --> 00:21:05,098 because our hr staff are all certified counselors. 443 00:21:05,181 --> 00:21:07,809 Okay. Wait, what? 444 00:21:08,935 --> 00:21:11,855 Yeah, I'm really looking forward to working with you, Michael. 445 00:21:13,857 --> 00:21:14,858 Is there another option? 446 00:21:16,901 --> 00:21:18,486 The alternative is termination. 447 00:21:24,701 --> 00:21:25,910 Michael?