1 00:00:02,420 --> 00:00:03,462 Mmm. 2 00:00:04,505 --> 00:00:06,257 (Greeting in Spanish) 3 00:00:07,967 --> 00:00:10,136 Necesito UN bueno worker. 4 00:00:10,219 --> 00:00:11,929 Tu es fuerte. Come on. 5 00:00:12,930 --> 00:00:14,974 (Questioning in Spanish) 6 00:00:16,517 --> 00:00:18,102 (Speaking Spanish) 7 00:00:20,771 --> 00:00:21,856 We don't go with that man. 8 00:00:21,939 --> 00:00:24,567 I've seen several men go with that man and none come back. 9 00:00:26,027 --> 00:00:27,111 We've lost friends... 10 00:00:28,446 --> 00:00:30,114 We don't know what he does with them. 11 00:00:32,158 --> 00:00:33,659 I don't wanna talk about it anymore. 12 00:00:34,869 --> 00:00:36,078 I pick up day laborers 13 00:00:36,162 --> 00:00:38,080 and tell them that they'll get paid at 6:00 pm. 14 00:00:38,497 --> 00:00:41,209 At 5:45, a certain I.N.S. Agent, 15 00:00:41,292 --> 00:00:43,085 by the name of mose schrute, 16 00:00:43,169 --> 00:00:44,712 throws them in the back of a Van, 17 00:00:44,795 --> 00:00:46,398 drops them off in the middle of Harrisburg 18 00:00:46,422 --> 00:00:48,507 and tells them it's Canada. 19 00:00:48,966 --> 00:00:50,760 (Both greeting in Spanish) 20 00:00:50,843 --> 00:00:52,386 Tu es UN bueno worker? 21 00:00:52,470 --> 00:00:54,138 Si. Yo muy bueno worker. 22 00:00:54,305 --> 00:00:56,766 Y El acento... Donde are you from? 23 00:00:56,849 --> 00:00:58,142 Scranton. 24 00:00:58,309 --> 00:01:01,062 Y... before that, ia Philadelphia. 25 00:01:01,229 --> 00:01:02,563 You speak English? Yes. 26 00:01:02,647 --> 00:01:04,291 I'm really good at English. Okay, good, me too. 27 00:01:04,315 --> 00:01:05,900 Get in the car. Okay. 28 00:01:08,069 --> 00:01:09,904 Who is this guy by our cars? 29 00:01:09,987 --> 00:01:12,240 That is my new maintenance worker, Nate, 30 00:01:12,323 --> 00:01:14,134 and you'll be happy to know that he's taking care of 31 00:01:14,158 --> 00:01:16,327 that hornet's nest that you've been griping about. 32 00:01:16,827 --> 00:01:18,246 Yeah. I got stung up my dress. 33 00:01:18,329 --> 00:01:19,538 Poor hornet. 34 00:01:19,622 --> 00:01:21,415 I've left him all the tools he needs. 35 00:01:21,499 --> 00:01:22,875 This is do or die. 36 00:01:22,959 --> 00:01:24,728 If he chooses correctly, he'll conquer the hornets. 37 00:01:24,752 --> 00:01:26,420 And if he doesn't? 38 00:01:27,672 --> 00:01:28,673 He'll die. 39 00:01:28,881 --> 00:01:30,299 What? Beg your pardon? 40 00:01:30,383 --> 00:01:32,611 Dwight: When did the phrase "do or die" become so corrupted? 41 00:01:32,635 --> 00:01:34,428 Kelly: Is that a blowtorch? 42 00:01:34,512 --> 00:01:37,306 No, no, no! No, no! 43 00:01:37,390 --> 00:01:39,016 Dwight: Interesting choice. 44 00:01:39,100 --> 00:01:40,351 Pam: Yes. 45 00:01:40,559 --> 00:01:41,560 Andy: Very, very smart. 46 00:01:41,644 --> 00:01:42,645 Pam: Walking away. 47 00:01:43,271 --> 00:01:44,272 No! No, no, no! 48 00:01:44,355 --> 00:01:45,356 The bat. 49 00:01:45,523 --> 00:01:46,565 Pam: What is he doing? 50 00:01:46,649 --> 00:01:48,276 Andy: Oh! They're stinging him! 51 00:01:48,359 --> 00:01:49,568 All: No, no, no! 52 00:01:49,694 --> 00:01:50,861 No, no! 53 00:02:11,757 --> 00:02:12,758 (Door closes) 54 00:02:14,677 --> 00:02:17,430 Good morning, Erin. Any mustaches, I mean messages? 55 00:02:18,055 --> 00:02:19,640 Terrific. 56 00:02:20,057 --> 00:02:21,642 Michael: There are many reasons 57 00:02:21,726 --> 00:02:23,811 a man would wear a fake mustache to work. 58 00:02:24,562 --> 00:02:25,980 He is a fan 59 00:02:26,063 --> 00:02:27,481 of the outrageous. 60 00:02:27,565 --> 00:02:28,649 Helovesto 61 00:02:28,733 --> 00:02:30,026 surprise! 62 00:02:30,735 --> 00:02:33,904 He loves other things as well. 63 00:02:34,989 --> 00:02:35,990 Wow. 64 00:02:40,411 --> 00:02:41,412 Okay. 65 00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:44,957 (Sighs) It's a pimple, Phyllis. 66 00:02:45,041 --> 00:02:46,476 Avril lavigne gets them all the time, 67 00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:48,127 and she rocks harder than anyone alive. 68 00:02:48,586 --> 00:02:50,254 That's no pimple, Michael. 69 00:02:50,671 --> 00:02:51,839 You mean cancer? 70 00:02:52,006 --> 00:02:54,300 What? No way. No. Definitely not. Not cancer. 71 00:02:54,467 --> 00:02:56,653 It's just good to catch a Michael train of thought early 72 00:02:56,677 --> 00:02:58,971 before it derails and destroys the entire town. 73 00:02:59,930 --> 00:03:00,949 Meredith: Wait, wait, wait. 74 00:03:00,973 --> 00:03:02,099 It's just a cold sore. 75 00:03:02,183 --> 00:03:03,184 It is? 76 00:03:03,267 --> 00:03:05,061 Yup, just a cold sore. Just a cold sore. 77 00:03:05,144 --> 00:03:07,313 Thank you. Phyllis, I don't have acne. 78 00:03:07,396 --> 00:03:09,357 I have a cold sore. I didn't even have a cold. 79 00:03:09,690 --> 00:03:10,730 I don't know how I got it. 80 00:03:10,775 --> 00:03:11,984 I know how you got it. 81 00:03:12,068 --> 00:03:13,152 How? 82 00:03:13,235 --> 00:03:14,445 Michael, come on. 83 00:03:14,653 --> 00:03:16,530 A cold sore is herpes. 84 00:03:17,073 --> 00:03:18,908 What? What you should do, Michael, 85 00:03:18,991 --> 00:03:20,302 is have a doctor take a look at it, 86 00:03:20,326 --> 00:03:21,803 'cause we don't really know what that is. 87 00:03:21,827 --> 00:03:24,538 I know tons and tons of people who have herpes. 88 00:03:24,705 --> 00:03:25,998 I have it myself. 89 00:03:26,082 --> 00:03:27,082 That's what it is. 90 00:03:27,124 --> 00:03:28,542 I've never seen herpes on you. 91 00:03:28,626 --> 00:03:30,294 'Cause it's on my genitals, genius. 92 00:03:30,628 --> 00:03:31,796 You have a penis? 93 00:03:32,046 --> 00:03:34,340 Michael, have you ever been tested for stds? 94 00:03:34,465 --> 00:03:36,509 Yeah, my last physical when I was 40. 95 00:03:37,093 --> 00:03:38,236 That was, like, 10 years ago. 96 00:03:38,260 --> 00:03:39,540 No, it was, like, four years ago. 97 00:03:39,595 --> 00:03:41,222 Michael, you're at least 46. 98 00:03:41,305 --> 00:03:42,305 Why "at least"? 99 00:03:42,348 --> 00:03:44,767 If you're guessing 46, just say 46. 100 00:03:52,650 --> 00:03:54,985 Can we please talk about how gross Meredith is? 101 00:03:55,694 --> 00:03:56,862 This is what you get 102 00:03:56,946 --> 00:03:58,906 when you treat your body like an outhouse. 103 00:04:00,074 --> 00:04:01,114 Andy: You know what, guys? 104 00:04:01,158 --> 00:04:03,494 How about we just chill out a little bit on the herp chat? 105 00:04:03,869 --> 00:04:05,579 Okay? I was an ra in college, 106 00:04:05,663 --> 00:04:06,747 and I can tell you, 107 00:04:06,831 --> 00:04:08,541 the number one sexually transmitted disease 108 00:04:10,334 --> 00:04:11,836 is ignorance. 109 00:04:12,002 --> 00:04:14,797 I guess maybe she could marry a meth dealer with crabs... 110 00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:16,566 I don't even want to know about these things. 111 00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:17,758 Hey, guys. 112 00:04:23,013 --> 00:04:24,014 (Exhales) 113 00:04:25,015 --> 00:04:26,684 How did this happen? How did I get this? 114 00:04:26,767 --> 00:04:28,936 Sometimes it can lie dormant in a woman for years. 115 00:04:29,019 --> 00:04:30,414 They may not even know that they have it. 116 00:04:30,438 --> 00:04:31,814 You know what? Ifeelhke 117 00:04:31,897 --> 00:04:33,417 one of those old-timey sailors with VD. 118 00:04:34,275 --> 00:04:36,152 (In gruff voice) Eh, it's me own darn fault. 119 00:04:36,235 --> 00:04:37,987 Girl in every port! What port? 120 00:04:38,529 --> 00:04:40,030 The jan port? 121 00:04:40,656 --> 00:04:42,324 The Holly port? Don't even... 122 00:04:42,616 --> 00:04:44,160 Holly was clean, okay? 123 00:04:44,243 --> 00:04:46,120 If anything, I gave it to her. 124 00:04:46,203 --> 00:04:47,663 You may have. Oh, my god. 125 00:04:47,746 --> 00:04:48,789 What if I did? 126 00:04:48,873 --> 00:04:50,875 You need to contact Holly. 127 00:04:50,958 --> 00:04:53,961 You need to notify her that she is crawling with herpes. 128 00:04:54,086 --> 00:04:55,546 Okay. You know what? 129 00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:56,630 Might. 130 00:04:56,714 --> 00:04:59,300 Might be crawling with herpes. 131 00:05:00,676 --> 00:05:02,219 I might have gotten it after her. 132 00:05:02,303 --> 00:05:04,346 You need to contact every woman you've been with 133 00:05:04,430 --> 00:05:06,474 and notify them of your herpes infestation. 134 00:05:06,849 --> 00:05:08,017 It's the right thing to do. 135 00:05:08,392 --> 00:05:09,894 There's no way I'm gonna do that. 136 00:05:10,144 --> 00:05:11,145 Then iwill. 137 00:05:11,228 --> 00:05:12,354 All right, I... 138 00:05:14,231 --> 00:05:15,983 Now, I'm no doctor, but it seems to me 139 00:05:16,066 --> 00:05:18,110 that we all have an obligation to the public health 140 00:05:18,194 --> 00:05:20,529 to track down anyone who gives us a disease, 141 00:05:20,613 --> 00:05:21,906 inform them of it, 142 00:05:21,989 --> 00:05:24,200 and take oven/vhelming revenge on that person. 143 00:05:24,658 --> 00:05:26,452 Again, I'm no doctor. 144 00:05:26,577 --> 00:05:28,662 I'm just a normal guy who enjoys revenge. 145 00:05:29,163 --> 00:05:30,456 (Phone ringing) 146 00:05:31,165 --> 00:05:32,333 Do n na: Hello. 147 00:05:33,042 --> 00:05:34,376 Hi, Donna. It's Michael. 148 00:05:34,710 --> 00:05:36,587 Michael. I didn't think I'd hear from you. 149 00:05:36,921 --> 00:05:37,922 How've you been? 150 00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:39,423 I have a disease 151 00:05:40,090 --> 00:05:41,717 for which there is no known cure 152 00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:44,345 that has been sexually transmitted to me. 153 00:05:44,887 --> 00:05:46,096 Oh, no! 154 00:05:46,514 --> 00:05:47,848 I can't even say it. 155 00:05:50,100 --> 00:05:51,101 Oh, my god! 156 00:05:51,185 --> 00:05:56,482 R-p-e-e-s. 157 00:05:56,565 --> 00:06:00,361 Wait. You're calling to tell me that you have herpes? 158 00:06:00,444 --> 00:06:04,490 No. I am calling to see if you gave me herpes, 159 00:06:04,615 --> 00:06:06,242 because if you did, 160 00:06:06,325 --> 00:06:08,536 I would be able to avoid a lot of sucky conversations. 161 00:06:09,662 --> 00:06:11,539 So you have it, right? No. 162 00:06:11,914 --> 00:06:13,207 Does your stupid husband have it? 163 00:06:13,290 --> 00:06:14,625 No, he doesn't. 164 00:06:14,708 --> 00:06:16,377 Are you telling me I have to get tested? 165 00:06:16,627 --> 00:06:18,647 Yes, I'm telling you you have to get tested for herpes. 166 00:06:18,671 --> 00:06:20,130 Good-bye! Solong, Donna. 167 00:06:20,506 --> 00:06:23,217 Excuse me, everyone, can I have your attention, please? 168 00:06:23,300 --> 00:06:24,343 Not again. 169 00:06:24,426 --> 00:06:25,426 What do you mean "again"? 170 00:06:25,469 --> 00:06:27,388 You're always asking for our attention. 171 00:06:27,555 --> 00:06:28,847 Well, maybe like a year ago. 172 00:06:28,931 --> 00:06:30,099 Mmm. Seems recent. 173 00:06:30,182 --> 00:06:31,475 No, that's... 174 00:06:31,559 --> 00:06:33,644 Andy, the reason it seems more recent 175 00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:35,688 is because many of us here have never stood up 176 00:06:35,771 --> 00:06:37,231 and asked for everyone's attention, 177 00:06:37,439 --> 00:06:39,559 and it seems like you've done it on several occasions. 178 00:06:39,608 --> 00:06:41,402 Everyone, I've noticed that 179 00:06:41,485 --> 00:06:44,280 we've not been entirely kind to one of our own, 180 00:06:44,780 --> 00:06:46,782 due to stigmas and prejudices. 181 00:06:46,865 --> 00:06:48,450 Oh! When you got your new phone, 182 00:06:48,534 --> 00:06:50,095 that's when you asked for everyone's attention. 183 00:06:50,119 --> 00:06:51,221 Stanley: World cup. That's what I was thinking. 184 00:06:51,245 --> 00:06:52,246 Oscar: That's right. 185 00:06:52,329 --> 00:06:54,164 You kept announcing scores. 186 00:06:54,331 --> 00:06:56,458 It's the world's only international sport, so... 187 00:06:58,836 --> 00:07:00,254 This is Holly. 188 00:07:01,714 --> 00:07:03,382 No, this is Holly. 189 00:07:04,842 --> 00:07:06,719 No, this is Holly. 190 00:07:07,303 --> 00:07:08,971 No, this is Holly. 191 00:07:09,179 --> 00:07:11,098 No... this is Michael Scott. 192 00:07:12,850 --> 00:07:14,018 Busted. 193 00:07:16,061 --> 00:07:17,396 So, what can I do for you, Holly? 194 00:07:17,479 --> 00:07:19,356 I'm calling because 195 00:07:19,565 --> 00:07:20,885 there was a terrible car accident. 196 00:07:21,442 --> 00:07:23,360 Oh, really? Was anyone killed? 197 00:07:23,986 --> 00:07:25,571 A lot of people. 198 00:07:25,654 --> 00:07:26,947 Any nuns? 199 00:07:27,031 --> 00:07:28,240 Three nuns. 200 00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:31,076 Missionaries from South Africa. 201 00:07:31,452 --> 00:07:33,704 Were they in the missionary position? (Holly laughs) 202 00:07:34,121 --> 00:07:35,122 (Andy humming) 203 00:07:35,205 --> 00:07:37,541 (S I n g I n g) Hot pizza, check it and see 204 00:07:38,709 --> 00:07:41,045 I got a whole bunch of pepperoni 205 00:07:41,128 --> 00:07:43,255 yeah. Now you're looking at me. 206 00:07:43,589 --> 00:07:45,174 Anyone who's interested in entering into 207 00:07:45,257 --> 00:07:47,926 an honest discussion about the sexual mores and taboos 208 00:07:48,010 --> 00:07:51,555 of modern society will be rewarded with a pizza break. 209 00:07:52,139 --> 00:07:54,034 Do you ever wonder what life would have been like 210 00:07:54,058 --> 00:07:55,298 if you hadn't been transferred? 211 00:07:56,226 --> 00:07:57,436 Holly: Yeah. 212 00:07:57,519 --> 00:07:58,687 We would have twins. 213 00:07:59,146 --> 00:08:00,648 I don't think we 'd have kids. 214 00:08:00,731 --> 00:08:02,107 Mmm-hmm. We dated for a few weeks. 215 00:08:02,358 --> 00:08:04,318 Mmm-mmm. We would be married. 216 00:08:04,568 --> 00:08:07,446 Michael, I've been dating a.J. For a year and a half now. 217 00:08:07,780 --> 00:08:09,239 You do this, you know? 218 00:08:09,323 --> 00:08:10,366 Do what? 219 00:08:10,741 --> 00:08:12,660 You romanticize things. 220 00:08:13,118 --> 00:08:15,412 I don't romantici... (Mouthing) 221 00:08:16,580 --> 00:08:17,581 Michael, you cried 222 00:08:17,665 --> 00:08:19,750 at that tag line for a movie you made up. 223 00:08:20,376 --> 00:08:21,627 "He had no arms or legs. 224 00:08:21,710 --> 00:08:23,295 "He couldn't see, hear or speak. 225 00:08:24,922 --> 00:08:26,382 "This is how he led a nation." 226 00:08:26,757 --> 00:08:28,592 You made us out to be more than we were. 227 00:08:29,218 --> 00:08:30,844 Maybe we were more than we were. 228 00:08:31,261 --> 00:08:33,263 I don't know what you're getting so upset about. 229 00:08:33,347 --> 00:08:35,391 We had a fun fling a long time ago. 230 00:08:35,724 --> 00:08:37,518 It's a good memory. Okay, all right. 231 00:08:37,601 --> 00:08:39,478 I gotta go. Michael... 232 00:08:43,774 --> 00:08:45,454 (Whispers) He forgot to mention the herpes. 233 00:08:45,609 --> 00:08:47,444 It didn't come up organically. 234 00:08:48,654 --> 00:08:50,948 To accommodate the suppliers. 235 00:08:51,156 --> 00:08:53,450 Gentlemen, nice to see you. It'll be just a moment. 236 00:08:53,575 --> 00:08:55,345 If you could show them into conference room b. 237 00:08:55,369 --> 00:08:56,409 The pharmaceutical company 238 00:08:56,453 --> 00:08:57,955 should be able to accommodate us. 239 00:08:58,080 --> 00:09:00,249 How do I do it? Raise my daughter, 240 00:09:00,332 --> 00:09:02,268 work as director of office purchasing for this hospital 241 00:09:02,292 --> 00:09:04,169 and release an album of Doris day covers 242 00:09:04,253 --> 00:09:05,838 on my own label? 243 00:09:07,172 --> 00:09:08,549 If I knew, I'd tell you. 244 00:09:08,632 --> 00:09:09,943 It's nice to see you doing so well. 245 00:09:09,967 --> 00:09:10,968 Yeah, I'm really happy. 246 00:09:11,093 --> 00:09:14,012 Me and Astrid against the world. We're loving it. 247 00:09:14,263 --> 00:09:16,223 Yeah, so, kind of the supermom. 248 00:09:16,306 --> 00:09:17,766 Bringing home the bacon. Yeah. 249 00:09:17,850 --> 00:09:19,309 (Singing) Fry it up in a pan 250 00:09:19,393 --> 00:09:20,728 never, never, never let you 251 00:09:20,811 --> 00:09:21,854 forget you're a man 252 00:09:21,937 --> 00:09:22,938 (jan laughing) 253 00:09:23,021 --> 00:09:24,523 Love that commercial. 254 00:09:24,606 --> 00:09:26,483 I don't understand the reference. 255 00:09:27,484 --> 00:09:28,694 Well, 256 00:09:28,902 --> 00:09:30,382 Michael, it was nice to get your call. 257 00:09:30,487 --> 00:09:32,489 Okay. We had to come over right away. It's urgent. 258 00:09:32,614 --> 00:09:33,967 Michael has something to tell you. Shh. 259 00:09:33,991 --> 00:09:35,492 Are you gonna keep me in suspense? 260 00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:38,412 (Clearing throat) (Sighs deeply) 261 00:09:43,542 --> 00:09:44,585 Would you excuse us? 262 00:09:44,668 --> 00:09:45,669 Okay, I'm gonna 263 00:09:46,628 --> 00:09:47,628 head outta here. 264 00:09:47,671 --> 00:09:50,048 I know you have a lot to talk about, okay? 265 00:09:50,507 --> 00:09:52,634 Is there an operating theater 266 00:09:52,718 --> 00:09:54,011 that's open to visitors? 267 00:09:54,094 --> 00:09:55,471 Never mind. I'll find it. 268 00:09:57,306 --> 00:09:59,057 He hasn't changed. No. 269 00:09:59,725 --> 00:10:01,685 So, what couldn't wait? 270 00:10:03,187 --> 00:10:04,855 Am I the kind of person 271 00:10:04,938 --> 00:10:06,857 to misremember our relationship 272 00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:08,734 as something more than it was? 273 00:10:08,817 --> 00:10:09,817 Michael Scott, 274 00:10:09,860 --> 00:10:12,112 you are here for a post-mortem. 275 00:10:12,446 --> 00:10:13,447 What? 276 00:10:13,822 --> 00:10:15,741 You wanna dig into our relationship, 277 00:10:16,325 --> 00:10:18,619 go over it, see what killed it. 278 00:10:20,078 --> 00:10:21,205 Okay. 279 00:10:22,456 --> 00:10:23,665 I'm in. 280 00:10:24,374 --> 00:10:25,918 So, guys, I've been really bothered 281 00:10:26,001 --> 00:10:29,004 by the way certain people are getting treated around here. 282 00:10:29,087 --> 00:10:32,049 And I just think as an office, we're better than that. 283 00:10:32,299 --> 00:10:34,718 Okay, now, I'm gonna show you a picture 284 00:10:35,552 --> 00:10:36,637 of genitalia. 285 00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:37,721 (All exclaim in disgust) 286 00:10:37,805 --> 00:10:38,806 Angela: Andy. 287 00:10:39,598 --> 00:10:41,391 What, 'cause he's black? Nope. 288 00:10:41,475 --> 00:10:42,726 It's 'cause it's genitalia. 289 00:10:42,810 --> 00:10:45,479 Perfectly normal genitalia, tuna. 290 00:10:46,021 --> 00:10:49,149 Now I'm gonna show you another picture 291 00:10:49,274 --> 00:10:51,485 of perfectly normal genhaha. (All exclaim in disgust) 292 00:10:51,568 --> 00:10:52,903 Oh, my god! 293 00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:55,447 Am I blocking anybody? Can everybody see? 294 00:10:55,531 --> 00:10:57,157 Andy: Perfectly normal. Big deal. 295 00:10:57,366 --> 00:10:59,326 Yeah, sure, it's got some herpes on it. 296 00:11:00,369 --> 00:11:03,205 But you know what? It's just as normal as anyone else's. 297 00:11:04,289 --> 00:11:07,000 No. In the beginning, we were not good. 298 00:11:07,251 --> 00:11:09,127 Well, there was a bit of a learning curve 299 00:11:09,253 --> 00:11:11,004 in the conversation department, 300 00:11:11,088 --> 00:11:12,714 but between the sheets, 301 00:11:12,798 --> 00:11:14,258 we were like Jordan and pippen. 302 00:11:14,550 --> 00:11:15,693 Well, if there was anything exciting about it, 303 00:11:15,717 --> 00:11:17,594 it was because we both knew it was wrong. 304 00:11:17,928 --> 00:11:19,008 Because we worked together. 305 00:11:20,138 --> 00:11:22,015 Okay, imagine there's a Princess 306 00:11:22,432 --> 00:11:23,952 who falls for a guy beneath her station, 307 00:11:23,976 --> 00:11:25,496 and the queen doesn't like this at all. 308 00:11:25,561 --> 00:11:27,330 And the Princess knows that the queen doesn't like it, 309 00:11:27,354 --> 00:11:28,832 and so it makes her want to do it all the more 310 00:11:28,856 --> 00:11:29,857 just to get at the queen. 311 00:11:31,108 --> 00:11:32,776 Am I the Princess? No, I'm the Princess. 312 00:11:32,860 --> 00:11:34,361 And the queen. 313 00:11:34,444 --> 00:11:36,280 (Sighs) Okay. So I'm the guy at the station. 314 00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:39,199 Astrid: Mommy! 315 00:11:39,449 --> 00:11:41,201 Assie! Oh! 316 00:11:41,285 --> 00:11:44,288 (Singing) How was school? 317 00:11:44,371 --> 00:11:45,372 It was cool 318 00:11:45,455 --> 00:11:47,958 what did you learn? 319 00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:49,334 What did I learn? 320 00:11:49,418 --> 00:11:51,879 You might have learned 321 00:11:51,962 --> 00:11:54,548 shapes, or blocks 322 00:11:54,631 --> 00:11:56,967 or clocks, or colors 323 00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:58,886 or you might have learned 324 00:11:58,969 --> 00:12:02,055 that we're all sisters and brothers... 325 00:12:02,139 --> 00:12:03,432 I have herpes. 326 00:12:03,515 --> 00:12:04,808 What? You... 327 00:12:05,642 --> 00:12:07,477 I used to think that she was "the one." 328 00:12:08,312 --> 00:12:10,397 Or at least a "the one." 329 00:12:11,732 --> 00:12:13,442 And if I called that one so wrong... 330 00:12:15,193 --> 00:12:16,236 (Sighs) 331 00:12:16,653 --> 00:12:19,740 Herpes, like all stds, is a consequence of sex. 332 00:12:19,823 --> 00:12:21,783 Can anyone else name any other consequences? 333 00:12:22,492 --> 00:12:24,328 It feels unbelievable. 334 00:12:25,037 --> 00:12:26,830 Okay, I guess we can make a pros column. 335 00:12:27,998 --> 00:12:28,999 "Feels..." 336 00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:30,417 Kevin: "Unbelievable." 337 00:12:30,500 --> 00:12:31,585 Okay. 338 00:12:31,668 --> 00:12:34,171 The ability to express love physically. 339 00:12:35,005 --> 00:12:36,798 It's a magical thing. 340 00:12:37,341 --> 00:12:38,675 An dy: "Express love." "Magical." 341 00:12:40,177 --> 00:12:41,595 It feels amazing. 342 00:12:41,845 --> 00:12:44,473 Um... okay, is that different from "feels unbelievable"? 343 00:12:44,806 --> 00:12:46,266 Yes. 344 00:12:46,350 --> 00:12:47,726 Then I will write it down. 345 00:12:48,393 --> 00:12:50,520 The feeling of pure risk. 346 00:12:50,646 --> 00:12:52,773 Creed, I had that in the cons column, 347 00:12:53,690 --> 00:12:54,983 but... it's thrilling. 348 00:12:55,317 --> 00:12:58,362 Okay. Then... 349 00:12:59,279 --> 00:13:00,489 We'll move that. 350 00:13:00,572 --> 00:13:02,240 "Thrill of risk." 351 00:13:02,324 --> 00:13:04,201 Andy, aren't there also negatives to sex? 352 00:13:04,618 --> 00:13:06,161 Yes! Thank you. 353 00:13:06,536 --> 00:13:07,579 Such as... 354 00:13:07,663 --> 00:13:08,664 Unplanned pregnancy. 355 00:13:08,747 --> 00:13:10,415 Yes. Unplanned pregnancy. 356 00:13:10,540 --> 00:13:11,583 Like Jim and Pam, what? 357 00:13:11,667 --> 00:13:12,668 Hey. 358 00:13:12,751 --> 00:13:14,878 Just admit that your baby was a mistake. 359 00:13:15,003 --> 00:13:17,464 Whoa! Hey, our baby was not a mistake. 360 00:13:18,840 --> 00:13:20,509 Good. She was a surprise. 361 00:13:20,676 --> 00:13:22,803 I'm sure they don't regret having that child. 362 00:13:22,886 --> 00:13:23,905 Let's move it to the pros. 363 00:13:23,929 --> 00:13:24,930 Both: Thank you. 364 00:13:25,013 --> 00:13:28,642 Okay. "Unplanned pregnancy," going in the pros column. 365 00:13:29,893 --> 00:13:31,645 Next up is helene. 366 00:13:32,479 --> 00:13:34,481 You're gonna want to make a left on Willow, 367 00:13:34,606 --> 00:13:36,441 which is a little ways away. 368 00:13:36,525 --> 00:13:37,525 I'll remind you. 369 00:13:37,567 --> 00:13:39,528 You know, I don't know if I trust jan's judgment. 370 00:13:39,611 --> 00:13:41,488 She... jan knows paper. 371 00:13:41,571 --> 00:13:43,448 No, notpaper relationships. 372 00:13:43,532 --> 00:13:45,492 To have the ability to point out 373 00:13:45,575 --> 00:13:48,245 if a man is making a bigger deal out of something 374 00:13:48,328 --> 00:13:50,080 than is really there. Wait, what Holly said? 375 00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:52,040 Yes! I don't... Forget it, Michael. 376 00:13:52,374 --> 00:13:53,417 Today is about herpes. 377 00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:54,501 I know. 378 00:13:54,626 --> 00:13:56,712 Okay? Who gave it to you, who has it... 379 00:13:56,795 --> 00:13:58,035 Right. And who is going to pay. 380 00:13:58,088 --> 00:13:59,088 Okay. 381 00:13:59,131 --> 00:14:00,191 To answer your question about jan... 382 00:14:00,215 --> 00:14:01,633 No, jan is insane. 383 00:14:01,717 --> 00:14:02,843 Why do you think I... 384 00:14:02,926 --> 00:14:04,052 Left! Willow, now! 385 00:14:04,136 --> 00:14:05,456 All right! God! (Car horn blaring) 386 00:14:07,055 --> 00:14:08,515 Hi, stranger. 387 00:14:09,266 --> 00:14:10,308 Long time. 388 00:14:10,392 --> 00:14:11,393 Who are you? 389 00:14:11,768 --> 00:14:13,812 I'm Michael. We dated for a while. 390 00:14:14,021 --> 00:14:15,272 I don't think so. 391 00:14:15,689 --> 00:14:16,940 Michael? 392 00:14:18,942 --> 00:14:20,360 Oh, hey! 393 00:14:21,028 --> 00:14:24,197 Dwight, would you take my grandmother for a walk 394 00:14:24,281 --> 00:14:25,574 while I talk to the real helene? 395 00:14:25,657 --> 00:14:26,759 Come on, old lady, let's go. 396 00:14:26,783 --> 00:14:27,783 What is happening? 397 00:14:27,826 --> 00:14:29,369 (Shushing) Come on. 398 00:14:29,536 --> 00:14:32,748 Who can tell me the safest form of safe sex? 399 00:14:32,873 --> 00:14:34,583 Condoms. Incowect 400 00:14:34,750 --> 00:14:36,835 the only true form of safe sex... 401 00:14:37,878 --> 00:14:39,588 Okay? Abstinence. 402 00:14:39,713 --> 00:14:41,840 Oh! I didn't realize we were doing 403 00:14:42,132 --> 00:14:43,508 trick questions. 404 00:14:43,717 --> 00:14:45,510 What's the safest way to go skiing? 405 00:14:45,969 --> 00:14:47,304 Dontskl 406 00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:48,597 (all laughing) Darryl: Huh? 407 00:14:49,264 --> 00:14:50,366 I just thought I'd bring it up 408 00:14:50,390 --> 00:14:52,350 in case someone here was practicing abstinence. 409 00:14:53,185 --> 00:14:54,311 That's all. Anybody? 410 00:14:54,436 --> 00:14:56,521 Andy, that's way too personal of a question. 411 00:14:56,605 --> 00:14:58,485 Well, someone could answer it if they wanted to. 412 00:15:01,693 --> 00:15:03,278 Okay, in that case, 413 00:15:03,361 --> 00:15:06,615 I will now show you how to put this condom on using... 414 00:15:06,698 --> 00:15:08,116 (Stanley laughing) 415 00:15:09,201 --> 00:15:10,869 This pencil. Oh, god! 416 00:15:11,411 --> 00:15:12,412 What? 417 00:15:12,496 --> 00:15:13,997 Why would you choose a pencil, Andy? 418 00:15:14,331 --> 00:15:15,891 Well, I'm not gonna use my penis, Oscar. 419 00:15:15,916 --> 00:15:17,667 It's not exactly hard right now, anyway. 420 00:15:17,751 --> 00:15:19,878 Come on, give it a rest, pencil (bleep). 421 00:15:19,961 --> 00:15:21,588 I'm doing this for you, Meredith! 422 00:15:21,755 --> 00:15:23,507 I didn't want it! Well, didn't you? 423 00:15:23,590 --> 00:15:25,008 Why didn't... 424 00:15:25,092 --> 00:15:27,969 Does no one appreciate what I'm doing right now? 425 00:15:29,012 --> 00:15:30,263 Meredith: Whoa! 426 00:15:32,099 --> 00:15:34,351 It'll go away in time. Just don't touch it. 427 00:15:34,768 --> 00:15:36,937 Did I make more of what we had 428 00:15:37,020 --> 00:15:38,105 than was really there? 429 00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:39,523 What did you think we were? 430 00:15:39,773 --> 00:15:42,776 Just a quirky indie movie, 431 00:15:42,859 --> 00:15:44,361 weird sort of thing, 432 00:15:44,861 --> 00:15:47,739 breaking all the rules, but had to end 433 00:15:47,823 --> 00:15:50,325 because the summer was over for you. 434 00:15:50,951 --> 00:15:53,203 I think that for you to have come here 435 00:15:53,286 --> 00:15:55,288 even expecting 436 00:15:55,997 --> 00:15:57,791 that we could have a conversation like this 437 00:15:57,874 --> 00:16:00,794 shows how self-deluded you are. 438 00:16:01,211 --> 00:16:05,423 Michael, your memory has failed you greatly. 439 00:16:06,550 --> 00:16:07,676 Jerk. 440 00:16:20,814 --> 00:16:21,898 Michael. 441 00:16:23,900 --> 00:16:25,610 So, this is a chef's kitchen, 442 00:16:25,694 --> 00:16:28,113 which makes it perfect for real entertainers. 443 00:16:28,405 --> 00:16:30,448 Real entertainer, like Billy Joel. 444 00:16:30,907 --> 00:16:33,618 Michael. Carole. How are you? 445 00:16:33,785 --> 00:16:34,995 I'm great. How are you? 446 00:16:35,078 --> 00:16:37,789 I'm great. I saw your sign outside, 447 00:16:37,914 --> 00:16:39,666 and I decided I'm gonna pull in, 448 00:16:39,749 --> 00:16:41,585 and maybe I'm going to buy a house from her. 449 00:16:41,793 --> 00:16:43,211 You didn't call my office 450 00:16:43,295 --> 00:16:45,130 and ask them where I was? No! 451 00:16:45,213 --> 00:16:46,453 (Laughs nervously) That's so... 452 00:16:46,590 --> 00:16:48,550 'Cause the receptionist told me that a man called, 453 00:16:48,592 --> 00:16:50,760 but he would only say that he was my ex-lover. 454 00:16:50,844 --> 00:16:51,887 Yeah. Weird. 455 00:16:51,970 --> 00:16:53,013 Sounds like a nice guy. 456 00:16:53,722 --> 00:16:56,766 I don't know, I mean, people were being really mean to Meredith and... 457 00:16:57,100 --> 00:16:58,977 But this wasn't really about Meredith, was it? 458 00:17:00,020 --> 00:17:01,140 You and Erin were broken up. 459 00:17:01,229 --> 00:17:03,356 How is that relevant to anything? 460 00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:06,193 I asked you if it was okay if I asked her out. 461 00:17:06,610 --> 00:17:08,111 You said, and I quote, 462 00:17:08,653 --> 00:17:11,198 "my good sir, nothing would make me happier 463 00:17:11,281 --> 00:17:14,201 "than to hand you the hand of the hand once in my hand." 464 00:17:14,618 --> 00:17:17,370 I specifically remembered it because you said it in such a weird way. 465 00:17:17,871 --> 00:17:18,931 Well, the only reason I said that 466 00:17:18,955 --> 00:17:20,832 is 'cause you asked me so politely, 467 00:17:20,957 --> 00:17:23,293 and it was very difficult for me to say no. 468 00:17:24,336 --> 00:17:25,545 I'll let this slide, 469 00:17:26,838 --> 00:17:29,925 but I expect you to put this whole Erin thing behind you. 470 00:17:30,467 --> 00:17:31,927 Oh, wow! Another living room. 471 00:17:32,135 --> 00:17:33,136 It's a family room. 472 00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:36,556 You put the TV there. You put your family here. 473 00:17:37,515 --> 00:17:39,559 Michael, why are you here? 474 00:17:40,227 --> 00:17:41,561 Somebody told me 475 00:17:41,645 --> 00:17:44,606 that I romanticize relationships. 476 00:17:45,482 --> 00:17:47,484 You know, we all do that. 477 00:17:48,151 --> 00:17:49,653 I have herpes. 478 00:17:50,237 --> 00:17:51,321 What? 479 00:17:51,988 --> 00:17:53,588 Did you have that while we were together? 480 00:17:53,615 --> 00:17:54,699 I just found out today. 481 00:17:54,783 --> 00:17:57,077 It's right there. 482 00:17:57,494 --> 00:17:59,454 Oh! Oh! What, that's what you're talking about? 483 00:17:59,537 --> 00:18:01,206 Mmm-hmm. I'm sorry. 484 00:18:01,373 --> 00:18:02,725 Did you have a doctor check it out? 485 00:18:02,749 --> 00:18:04,668 I'm between specialists right now. 486 00:18:05,585 --> 00:18:07,671 Yes. Yes, Michael. 487 00:18:07,754 --> 00:18:10,924 Actually, you do make a bigger deal out of things 488 00:18:11,007 --> 00:18:12,384 than you need to. 489 00:18:12,509 --> 00:18:14,678 You proposed to me on our fourth date. 490 00:18:14,970 --> 00:18:16,513 Vveh, ibehevein love at first sight. 491 00:18:17,013 --> 00:18:18,265 Well, so do I, 492 00:18:18,348 --> 00:18:20,517 but we didn't love each other at first, either. 493 00:18:21,393 --> 00:18:23,019 I don't know what you were thinking. 494 00:18:24,521 --> 00:18:26,106 I know what I was thinking at the time, 495 00:18:26,189 --> 00:18:28,191 but right now, it just seems ridiculous. 496 00:18:28,566 --> 00:18:29,901 Dwight: Excuse me. 497 00:18:31,194 --> 00:18:33,194 Someone died in the upstairs bathroom, didn't they? 498 00:18:37,158 --> 00:18:39,286 We should schedule meetings, 499 00:18:39,369 --> 00:18:41,329 'cause the days can slip away with chitchat. 500 00:18:42,914 --> 00:18:44,165 Are you crying? 501 00:18:44,708 --> 00:18:46,167 No, I'm just sweating. 502 00:18:46,251 --> 00:18:47,961 I don't know what's got you upset, 503 00:18:48,044 --> 00:18:50,714 but my advice is stop crying. 504 00:18:50,797 --> 00:18:52,340 I'm not crying. I'm sweating. 505 00:18:52,674 --> 00:18:54,384 Look, you need to pick yourself up. 506 00:18:54,718 --> 00:18:56,386 Man up, all right? 507 00:18:57,053 --> 00:18:58,930 Son, you will win this in the end. 508 00:18:59,681 --> 00:19:01,558 It's all about heart 509 00:19:02,183 --> 00:19:03,643 and character. 510 00:19:03,727 --> 00:19:06,062 Be your best self. 511 00:19:07,105 --> 00:19:08,148 Okay. 512 00:19:08,231 --> 00:19:09,357 Yeah. 513 00:19:09,524 --> 00:19:11,026 I have no idea what his problem is. 514 00:19:11,109 --> 00:19:12,777 It's just my standard advice. 515 00:19:12,861 --> 00:19:14,070 It's good advice, right? 516 00:19:14,529 --> 00:19:15,798 (On answering machine) This is Holly flax. 517 00:19:15,822 --> 00:19:17,049 I can't come to the phone right now, 518 00:19:17,073 --> 00:19:18,325 but please leave a message 519 00:19:18,408 --> 00:19:20,368 at the sound of the tiny truck backing up. 520 00:19:20,452 --> 00:19:21,453 (Answering machine beeps) 521 00:19:22,162 --> 00:19:23,788 Hi, Holly, it's Michael. 522 00:19:24,914 --> 00:19:26,624 I just wanted to call and let you know 523 00:19:26,708 --> 00:19:28,460 that I was thinking about what you said. 524 00:19:29,210 --> 00:19:31,087 It's just, you know, 525 00:19:33,006 --> 00:19:34,924 it's weird. Today, I 526 00:19:35,467 --> 00:19:38,136 ended up seeing a lot of the women that I used to date, 527 00:19:39,137 --> 00:19:41,389 and in my mind, they were all great. 528 00:19:42,265 --> 00:19:44,225 And then when I actually saw them, 529 00:19:44,934 --> 00:19:47,062 it was mostly a freak show. 530 00:19:47,312 --> 00:19:48,355 And you and me, 531 00:19:48,438 --> 00:19:50,940 that must have been a real train wreck. 532 00:19:52,650 --> 00:19:54,152 You know what? 533 00:19:55,695 --> 00:19:57,447 Holly, you're wrong. 534 00:19:59,324 --> 00:20:00,492 You are wrong. 535 00:20:01,701 --> 00:20:03,912 I remember every second of us. 536 00:20:03,995 --> 00:20:06,039 And talking to you today, 537 00:20:06,122 --> 00:20:10,752 I don't feel for them anything like what I feel for you. 538 00:20:11,461 --> 00:20:12,670 It's... 539 00:20:13,463 --> 00:20:15,215 I didn'tjoke with any of them. 540 00:20:15,298 --> 00:20:16,966 I joked with you. 541 00:20:17,717 --> 00:20:19,135 You were the only one 542 00:20:19,219 --> 00:20:21,679 who was actually happy to hear from me. 543 00:20:22,138 --> 00:20:24,474 And I don't know why you downgraded what we had, 544 00:20:24,557 --> 00:20:26,643 but I did not make us up. 545 00:20:28,311 --> 00:20:29,396 Okay. 546 00:20:30,021 --> 00:20:32,565 Oh, and you might, you should talk to a doctor 547 00:20:32,649 --> 00:20:34,776 because you might have herpes. 548 00:20:42,117 --> 00:20:43,910 What is this about? Oscar, (sighs) 549 00:20:44,160 --> 00:20:46,579 We once sucked face in public 550 00:20:47,288 --> 00:20:49,541 as part of an office presentation 551 00:20:49,624 --> 00:20:53,086 to destroy the stigma about gay kissing. 552 00:20:53,420 --> 00:20:55,213 Do you recall? Yes, and... 553 00:20:55,296 --> 00:20:57,424 You may have given me a sexually transmitted disease. 554 00:20:57,924 --> 00:20:58,925 What? 555 00:20:59,008 --> 00:21:00,009 Herpes duplex. 556 00:21:00,343 --> 00:21:03,263 It's probably just an ingrown mustache hair, but we have to be exhaustive. 557 00:21:03,304 --> 00:21:06,015 I've already contacted all of my ex-lovers except for you. 558 00:21:06,808 --> 00:21:07,976 We were never lovers. 559 00:21:08,059 --> 00:21:10,419 I'm gonna need a list of every man you've ever had sex with. 560 00:21:10,603 --> 00:21:13,148 I'm talking train stations, men's rooms... 561 00:21:13,231 --> 00:21:16,192 Flower shops, fireworks celebrations... 562 00:21:16,443 --> 00:21:17,527 Fence with a hole in it. 563 00:21:17,610 --> 00:21:18,611 Moonlit gondola. 564 00:21:18,695 --> 00:21:20,238 Carriage ride through central park. 565 00:21:20,321 --> 00:21:21,781 The woods behind the liquor store. 566 00:21:21,865 --> 00:21:23,305 The swamp behind the old folks' home. 567 00:21:23,366 --> 00:21:24,909 Michael: Electric car dealership. 568 00:21:24,993 --> 00:21:26,453 Dwight: The Democratic primary. 569 00:21:26,536 --> 00:21:28,705 Oscar, think about... think.