1
00:00:05,381 --> 00:00:10,428
Dwight: Uh-oh. Okay, okay,
nobody panic. Listen up, listen up.

2
00:00:10,511 --> 00:00:12,138
Everyone,
follow me to the shelter.

3
00:00:12,221 --> 00:00:14,557
We've got enough
food for 14 days.

4
00:00:14,640 --> 00:00:17,143
After that, we have
a difficult conversation.

5
00:00:17,226 --> 00:00:18,227
My bad.

6
00:00:18,311 --> 00:00:20,271
Space heater and
fan were both on high,

7
00:00:20,354 --> 00:00:22,773
plugged into
the same outlet, so...

8
00:00:23,274 --> 00:00:24,984
Jim: It's saying
the server went down?

9
00:00:25,610 --> 00:00:27,195
Does anybody know that password?

10
00:00:27,278 --> 00:00:28,422
'Cause othennise,
we can't do any work.

11
00:00:28,446 --> 00:00:30,948
Uh, try "password."

12
00:00:31,073 --> 00:00:32,074
Nope.

13
00:00:32,158 --> 00:00:35,453
Try zero, zero, zero,
zero, zero, zero.

14
00:00:36,954 --> 00:00:40,833
Okay, now try zero, zero,
zero, zero, zero, one.

15
00:00:41,292 --> 00:00:42,710
Okay, I'm not
doing every number.

16
00:00:42,793 --> 00:00:45,296
Wait, does anyone
remember when it was set up?

17
00:00:45,421 --> 00:00:47,506
Uh, it was, like,
eight years ago?

18
00:00:47,798 --> 00:00:49,300
Lord of the rings stuff?

19
00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:50,986
I don't know, I'm just
trying to think of things

20
00:00:51,010 --> 00:00:52,762
that were happening at the time.

21
00:00:52,845 --> 00:00:54,565
Everyone was getting
their driver's license.

22
00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:57,558
Why don't we just call
the it. Guy who set it up?

23
00:00:57,642 --> 00:00:59,036
What's the name of the guy
in the glasses, again?

24
00:00:59,060 --> 00:01:01,896
Okay, moving backwards,
our it. Guys have been

25
00:01:02,230 --> 00:01:04,941
"glasses," "turban,"
"ear hair," "fatty 3,"

26
00:01:05,024 --> 00:01:08,027
"shorts," "fatty 2,"
"lozenge" and "fatso."

27
00:01:08,486 --> 00:01:10,947
I think "lozenge" is
the one who installed it.

28
00:01:11,030 --> 00:01:12,031
Andy: I got it.

29
00:01:12,156 --> 00:01:13,157
Try...

30
00:01:13,241 --> 00:01:15,284
(Coughing)

31
00:01:16,327 --> 00:01:18,246
You know what, it made
me laugh when I heard it,

32
00:01:18,329 --> 00:01:20,331
but Pam got really offended.

33
00:01:20,414 --> 00:01:22,166
"Big boobs."

34
00:01:22,667 --> 00:01:24,502
"Drama queen"? "Nosy"?

35
00:01:25,670 --> 00:01:26,879
You're typing "big boobs"?

36
00:01:27,004 --> 00:01:28,005
I'm trying everything.

37
00:01:28,089 --> 00:01:29,215
Try "big boobs" with a "."Z

38
00:01:29,465 --> 00:01:32,260
that's the password. We're in.

39
00:01:32,343 --> 00:01:33,469
Dwight: All right. Wow.

40
00:01:33,552 --> 00:01:35,263
Dwight: Yes.
The important thing is

41
00:01:35,346 --> 00:01:37,431
this kept us secure, people.

42
00:02:06,669 --> 00:02:08,421
Morning. Ryan: How's it going?

43
00:02:10,298 --> 00:02:11,799
Hey, I'm wuphf. I'm Facebook.

44
00:02:11,882 --> 00:02:12,882
What's up, Facebook?

45
00:02:12,925 --> 00:02:14,361
Isentyou a Facebook
message yesterday,

46
00:02:14,385 --> 00:02:15,886
I still haven't
heard anything back.

47
00:02:15,928 --> 00:02:17,638
You should've sent
me a wuphf. A what?

48
00:02:17,722 --> 00:02:20,033
When you send a wuphf, it goes
to your home phone, cell phone,

49
00:02:20,057 --> 00:02:22,143
email, Facebook,
Twitter, and homescreen.

50
00:02:22,226 --> 00:02:23,226
All at the same time.

51
00:02:23,269 --> 00:02:24,270
(Telephone rings)

52
00:02:24,478 --> 00:02:25,896
(Computer chimes) (Dog barking)

53
00:02:25,980 --> 00:02:27,064
Automated voice: Wuphf.

54
00:02:27,148 --> 00:02:29,066
Vvuphfl wuphf. Com!

55
00:02:35,906 --> 00:02:37,408
Sure. Thanks, enn.

56
00:02:39,910 --> 00:02:42,621
Hey, Pam. I don't
wanna be a lousy snitch.

57
00:02:43,372 --> 00:02:44,372
Okay.

58
00:02:44,415 --> 00:02:46,834
Ryan has been using the color
printer for his business a lot,

59
00:02:46,917 --> 00:02:47,936
and as office administrator...

60
00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:48,961
Oh, it's okay.

61
00:02:49,462 --> 00:02:50,713
But it's not for...

62
00:02:50,796 --> 00:02:52,006
Let it go.

63
00:02:52,089 --> 00:02:53,883
Pam: Yes, [invested in wuphf.

64
00:02:54,008 --> 00:02:55,343
It's actually
a really great idea,

65
00:02:55,426 --> 00:02:57,511
and I can't believe
it didn't exist before.

66
00:02:57,595 --> 00:03:01,223
And I know Ryan's kind of a
sketchy guy, but hey, I married Jim.

67
00:03:01,307 --> 00:03:04,393
I've done my part for the nice
guy. Now I want a bedroom set.

68
00:03:04,643 --> 00:03:09,023
I think an investors' ski
trip, frankly, is the best idea.

69
00:03:09,106 --> 00:03:10,941
It will be a bonding experience.

70
00:03:11,025 --> 00:03:12,026
I love it.

71
00:03:12,109 --> 00:03:13,361
I was looking at a trail map,

72
00:03:13,444 --> 00:03:15,380
and I was thinking that we
should start on a bunny hill,

73
00:03:15,404 --> 00:03:17,073
because I've never
actually been skiing.

74
00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:20,868
And then work our
way up to "death drop."

75
00:03:21,077 --> 00:03:23,954
Great, so we got our first
offer to buy the company.

76
00:03:24,080 --> 00:03:25,081
You're kidding.

77
00:03:25,164 --> 00:03:27,583
We could sell,
but why think so small?

78
00:03:27,958 --> 00:03:29,758
We can just get a couple
more people involved,

79
00:03:29,835 --> 00:03:31,128
really do this thing our way.

80
00:03:31,295 --> 00:03:32,338
You and me, baby.

81
00:03:32,421 --> 00:03:35,061
New investors are key, though.
That's actually why I came in today.

82
00:03:35,716 --> 00:03:36,916
Don't you work here full-time?

83
00:03:37,301 --> 00:03:39,946
(Laughs) Today, I was thinking I
would sit down with a few of the people

84
00:03:39,970 --> 00:03:41,430
who haven't invested yet.

85
00:03:41,514 --> 00:03:44,350
Or we could do that together,
if that sounds fun to you.

86
00:03:44,809 --> 00:03:46,769
That does sound fun to me.

87
00:03:46,852 --> 00:03:47,895
Awesome.

88
00:03:50,147 --> 00:03:55,653
Oh, this is good hay. Yeah. This
is the good stuff. Mattress quality.

89
00:03:55,736 --> 00:03:57,154
Every fall, growing up,

90
00:03:57,238 --> 00:03:59,740
my uncle eldred used to
build us a maze out of hay bales

91
00:03:59,824 --> 00:04:03,160
for us kids to play in.
We called it "hay place."

92
00:04:03,661 --> 00:04:05,413
Eldred called it "hay world."

93
00:04:05,496 --> 00:04:07,373
Eventually, lawyers
were brought in. But...

94
00:04:07,957 --> 00:04:12,002
That's all behind us.
Hay place lives on.

95
00:04:12,086 --> 00:04:13,087
Watch it, watch it.

96
00:04:14,255 --> 00:04:17,550
Hello! Welcome to hay
place. A place for hay.

97
00:04:17,633 --> 00:04:18,926
Don't forget to make a broom.

98
00:04:19,009 --> 00:04:20,761
Oh, the petting zoo
closes at 2:00,

99
00:04:20,845 --> 00:04:23,013
and the goat roast is at 3:00.

100
00:04:23,097 --> 00:04:24,432
Come on in, enjoy!

101
00:04:24,682 --> 00:04:25,683
Hey.

102
00:04:26,434 --> 00:04:29,103
I'm kind of in the mood
for a roll in the hay.

103
00:04:29,186 --> 00:04:30,771
Roll in the hay, $5.

104
00:04:30,896 --> 00:04:32,648
No, I meant...

105
00:04:34,483 --> 00:04:35,985
Oh, our contract.

106
00:04:36,110 --> 00:04:37,111
Mmm-hmm.

107
00:04:37,528 --> 00:04:40,448
Yes, why don't we
meet at the usual spot.

108
00:04:41,532 --> 00:04:43,742
Uh, I've got a half
an hour during lunch

109
00:04:43,826 --> 00:04:46,506
in between the historical reenactment
of the dunmore farm slaughters

110
00:04:46,579 --> 00:04:47,705
and the onion boil.

111
00:04:48,038 --> 00:04:49,874
Perfect. So... excuse
me, get off of there.

112
00:04:49,957 --> 00:04:52,293
Those are show bales,
not play bales.

113
00:04:53,377 --> 00:04:56,672
All right, thank you. I will send
the contracts over right away.

114
00:04:56,755 --> 00:04:58,132
All right.

115
00:05:03,345 --> 00:05:04,513
Whoo!

116
00:05:04,597 --> 00:05:06,765
Jim: I am on the first hot
sales streak of my life.

117
00:05:06,891 --> 00:05:08,517
I think it all comes
from feeding Cece,

118
00:05:08,601 --> 00:05:11,145
because no matter
how much she resists,

119
00:05:11,228 --> 00:05:13,272
I sell her those carrots.

120
00:05:13,355 --> 00:05:14,355
And let's be honest,

121
00:05:14,398 --> 00:05:17,318
if I can make mushed carrots
seem better than a boob,

122
00:05:17,568 --> 00:05:19,987
I can pretty much sell anything.

123
00:05:20,571 --> 00:05:22,156
Commission comes out to

124
00:05:22,239 --> 00:05:23,365
(imitates fanfare)

125
00:05:24,533 --> 00:05:25,618
Zgfo.

126
00:05:25,701 --> 00:05:27,578
Okay, well, it can't
be zero, kev.

127
00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:32,583
I entered the sale, and I hit enter
and I said, "dunh-duh-na-dah!"

128
00:05:33,334 --> 00:05:35,044
I'm pretty sure
I timesed it right.

129
00:05:35,127 --> 00:05:36,879
You met your
commission cap last week.

130
00:05:36,962 --> 00:05:40,002
So, from here until the end of the
fiscal year, your commission will be zero.

131
00:05:40,216 --> 00:05:42,301
What are you talking about?
We have a commission cap?

132
00:05:42,510 --> 00:05:43,761
It's a new corporate policy.

133
00:05:47,056 --> 00:05:49,683
Is this job really about
the money for you, Jim?

134
00:05:50,017 --> 00:05:52,061
I mean, isn't this
where you fell in love?

135
00:05:52,144 --> 00:05:54,647
A commission cap takes
away my incentive to sell.

136
00:05:54,730 --> 00:05:56,982
So, you realize I now have
no reason to work, right?

137
00:05:57,942 --> 00:05:59,742
When you're dealing
with a large organization,

138
00:05:59,777 --> 00:06:03,113
sometimes you have to put
up with policies you don't like.

139
00:06:03,197 --> 00:06:06,951
I wish my gym didn't allow
full nudity in the locker room.

140
00:06:07,201 --> 00:06:09,328
Okay, some of these old
guys walking around naked,

141
00:06:09,954 --> 00:06:11,455
feels almost passive-aggressive.

142
00:06:11,956 --> 00:06:14,458
But I deal with it 'cause
it's policy. See what I mean?

143
00:06:14,708 --> 00:06:15,708
Nope.

144
00:06:15,793 --> 00:06:17,419
Okay. Nudity makes
me uncomfortable.

145
00:06:17,503 --> 00:06:19,380
My gym allows it.

146
00:06:19,463 --> 00:06:23,384
I wish they didn't, but it's
policy. So, I respect it, and I just

147
00:06:23,467 --> 00:06:24,969
keep a low...
You know, I look away.

148
00:06:25,970 --> 00:06:28,264
Think about your commission cap

149
00:06:28,347 --> 00:06:30,015
as a naked old man
in a gym locker room.

150
00:06:33,602 --> 00:06:35,646
Excuse me, everyone. Sex!

151
00:06:36,355 --> 00:06:37,773
Now that I have
your attention...

152
00:06:37,856 --> 00:06:39,400
You don't have our attention.

153
00:06:39,483 --> 00:06:40,484
Money!

154
00:06:40,609 --> 00:06:41,609
I'm listening.

155
00:06:41,652 --> 00:06:42,861
You had me at "sex."

156
00:06:43,153 --> 00:06:44,756
Pervert. Phyllis: You
have all of our attention

157
00:06:44,780 --> 00:06:46,156
just by screaming anything.

158
00:06:46,448 --> 00:06:47,448
That's good to know.

159
00:06:47,491 --> 00:06:48,492
(Screams)

160
00:06:48,576 --> 00:06:49,868
What do you want
to say, Michael?

161
00:06:49,994 --> 00:06:52,037
Vvuphfl

162
00:06:52,121 --> 00:06:54,641
all right, I've warmed them up
for you. You have the floor, Ryan.

163
00:06:54,665 --> 00:06:55,791
How's everybody doing?

164
00:06:55,874 --> 00:06:57,376
(Whooping)

165
00:06:57,459 --> 00:06:58,459
Ryan: Good!

166
00:06:58,502 --> 00:07:00,129
Now, a lot of you
have already staked out

167
00:07:00,212 --> 00:07:01,672
your corner of the wuphf empire.

168
00:07:01,755 --> 00:07:04,133
Raise your hand if
I'm describing you.

169
00:07:06,510 --> 00:07:07,553
Great.

170
00:07:07,720 --> 00:07:08,929
Stanley: Yes, lhave a dream.

171
00:07:09,096 --> 00:07:12,933
And it's not some m.L.K.
Dream for equality.

172
00:07:13,017 --> 00:07:17,104
I want to own a
decommissioned lighthouse.

173
00:07:17,271 --> 00:07:19,315
And I want to live at the top.

174
00:07:19,398 --> 00:07:21,942
And nobody knows I live there.

175
00:07:22,026 --> 00:07:25,654
And there's a button
that I can press,

176
00:07:25,738 --> 00:07:29,116
and launch that
lighthouse into space.

177
00:07:29,450 --> 00:07:31,660
For my current investors,
things are going great.

178
00:07:31,744 --> 00:07:32,995
We already have a buyer.

179
00:07:33,078 --> 00:07:34,079
Really? Who?

180
00:07:34,163 --> 00:07:35,456
Washington university.

181
00:07:35,581 --> 00:07:37,166
I don't even want to
think about selling

182
00:07:37,249 --> 00:07:38,809
until our numbers
get into the billions.

183
00:07:38,876 --> 00:07:39,876
At least.

184
00:07:39,918 --> 00:07:42,880
So, I've decided to open up
a second round of investment

185
00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:44,715
to friends and family.

186
00:07:44,882 --> 00:07:46,925
Oh, god. Hold on to
your wallets, ladies.

187
00:07:47,551 --> 00:07:50,512
Did you ever think of wuphf as
an emergency notification system,

188
00:07:50,596 --> 00:07:52,765
like, for college campuses
with shooters or gas leaks?

189
00:07:52,931 --> 00:07:56,268
No, no, Oscar, it's not
a digital rape whistle.

190
00:07:56,352 --> 00:07:57,978
Wuphf is about fun.
That's right.

191
00:07:58,062 --> 00:07:59,897
Fun, communication, connecfion.

192
00:08:00,272 --> 00:08:01,392
What's your money situation?

193
00:08:01,482 --> 00:08:03,317
Well, it's tight,
as with any start-up.

194
00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:05,712
Sure, how long can you sustain
this without a cash infusion?

195
00:08:05,736 --> 00:08:09,031
We have nine solid days. I love
these questions. Keep 'em coming.

196
00:08:09,114 --> 00:08:11,200
I'm sorry, nine days until what?

197
00:08:11,283 --> 00:08:12,284
Bankruptcy?

198
00:08:12,409 --> 00:08:15,329
Wait, Ryan, so this could
be over by the weekend?

199
00:08:15,496 --> 00:08:17,164
How long do you think a week is?

200
00:08:17,247 --> 00:08:18,999
No, not this weekend.
Next weekend.

201
00:08:19,083 --> 00:08:20,803
We were gonna go on
the investors' ski trip.

202
00:08:22,211 --> 00:08:24,588
I bought Poles.

203
00:08:27,883 --> 00:08:30,135
Jim: Well, since I have
no incentive to sell,

204
00:08:30,219 --> 00:08:34,139
I've cleaned my car, organized
my desk, and taken a multivitamin.

205
00:08:36,392 --> 00:08:37,476
What now?

206
00:08:37,935 --> 00:08:39,603
Pam.

207
00:08:42,481 --> 00:08:43,941
Okay, now I've tried everything.

208
00:08:44,233 --> 00:08:46,151
Did you prank Dwight? No.

209
00:08:46,235 --> 00:08:47,319
Well, you like that.

210
00:08:47,403 --> 00:08:49,655
Yeah, it's not as fun if
I'm not blowing off work.

211
00:08:49,738 --> 00:08:51,407
I love you,
but I'm kind of busy,

212
00:08:51,490 --> 00:08:54,410
so I need you to figure
this one out on your own.

213
00:08:54,993 --> 00:08:56,203
(Typing)

214
00:08:59,957 --> 00:09:01,750
(Blowing raspberries)

215
00:09:02,751 --> 00:09:04,002
(Chuckung)

216
00:09:04,253 --> 00:09:06,714
Oscar said wuphf only has
enough money for nine days.

217
00:09:06,797 --> 00:09:08,632
Check this out.

218
00:09:09,758 --> 00:09:11,385
All that color.
Michael: Look at that.

219
00:09:11,468 --> 00:09:13,762
Triple your
investment by January.

220
00:09:13,846 --> 00:09:16,098
Anyone can just throw
numbers up on a chart.

221
00:09:16,181 --> 00:09:17,617
What are you doing
to make it happen?

222
00:09:17,641 --> 00:09:20,602
Well, earlier today, I was emailing
someone by the name of John legend.

223
00:09:20,686 --> 00:09:22,163
Michael: There you go.
You have his email?

224
00:09:22,187 --> 00:09:25,774
A lot of these guys are just
Mac. Com at their website whatever.

225
00:09:25,858 --> 00:09:27,526
We get that guy wuphfing,

226
00:09:27,776 --> 00:09:28,776
it's all over.

227
00:09:28,819 --> 00:09:30,112
I want my money back.

228
00:09:30,195 --> 00:09:31,947
Do not talk like that, Stanley.

229
00:09:32,030 --> 00:09:33,949
Ryan, just tell us your plan.

230
00:09:34,283 --> 00:09:37,703
Okay, all right. I know what
you wanna see. I'll be right back.

231
00:09:44,835 --> 00:09:46,503
Hey, kids, was that fun?

232
00:09:46,587 --> 00:09:47,588
All: Yeah! All right.

233
00:09:47,713 --> 00:09:49,423
I wanna go on it again.

234
00:09:49,506 --> 00:09:50,841
Oh, I bet you do.

235
00:09:51,049 --> 00:09:52,092
You know what?

236
00:09:52,176 --> 00:09:54,487
When I was a little kid, they
couldn't get me off the hayride.

237
00:09:54,511 --> 00:09:56,111
But it's gonna cost
you three more bucks.

238
00:09:57,014 --> 00:10:00,267
Wow! This brings back memories.

239
00:10:00,350 --> 00:10:02,936
Hay stacking, hay throwing...

240
00:10:03,020 --> 00:10:07,441
And at the end of it all, one lucky
boy would be crowned hay king.

241
00:10:07,524 --> 00:10:10,319
I always wanted to be hay king.

242
00:10:10,402 --> 00:10:12,154
But the world shines on mose.

243
00:10:18,994 --> 00:10:20,513
Where have you been?
I've been waiting.

244
00:10:20,537 --> 00:10:22,056
Can we move this to
the end of the day?

245
00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:23,791
No, I think you should
make time for it.

246
00:10:23,874 --> 00:10:25,417
I found the needle
in the haystack!

247
00:10:25,501 --> 00:10:27,753
Hey, congratulations. Do
you know what your prize is?

248
00:10:27,836 --> 00:10:28,837
I don't know.

249
00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:32,382
Nothing. Life lesson? Some
tasks are not worth doing.

250
00:10:33,550 --> 00:10:34,551
Dwight?

251
00:10:35,093 --> 00:10:37,638
Wuphf t-shirts. Who wants one?

252
00:10:37,721 --> 00:10:39,991
Just imagine that you're at
spring break at Daytona beach.

253
00:10:40,015 --> 00:10:41,015
Here we go. Okay?

254
00:10:41,058 --> 00:10:42,643
Everyone's like,
"hey, dude, what's up

255
00:10:42,726 --> 00:10:44,895
"with all the hotties
in the wuphf shirts?"

256
00:10:45,020 --> 00:10:47,606
Or, "hey, what's up
with that helicopter?"

257
00:10:48,106 --> 00:10:49,191
"It's ry from wuphf!"

258
00:10:49,274 --> 00:10:50,317
"It's ry, the wuphf guy!"

259
00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:51,443
"Yo, ry from wuphf!"

260
00:10:51,527 --> 00:10:53,007
"He's up there."
"What's he dropping?"

261
00:10:53,070 --> 00:10:54,780
"Wow, what's falling
on us, man?"

262
00:10:54,947 --> 00:10:56,240
Wuphf condoms!

263
00:10:56,573 --> 00:10:58,242
Fifty thousand condoms
out of the sky.

264
00:10:58,325 --> 00:10:59,326
Michael: Look at that!

265
00:10:59,409 --> 00:11:00,494
He threw 'em on the ground!

266
00:11:00,577 --> 00:11:03,330
Look, this is a marketing
campaign. You got nine days.

267
00:11:03,413 --> 00:11:04,641
Let's say you do get the money.

268
00:11:04,665 --> 00:11:05,725
What are you gonna do with it?

269
00:11:05,749 --> 00:11:07,435
The first lesson of
silicon valley, actually,

270
00:11:07,459 --> 00:11:10,379
is that you only think about
the user, the experience.

271
00:11:10,462 --> 00:11:12,965
You actually don't think
about the money. Even

272
00:11:13,423 --> 00:11:14,591
that sounds weird.

273
00:11:14,716 --> 00:11:17,219
No, it's not weird, Andy,
and you know what else?

274
00:11:17,302 --> 00:11:19,596
We have an offer from
Washington university.

275
00:11:19,680 --> 00:11:21,014
So, monetize that.

276
00:11:21,098 --> 00:11:23,100
Are you guys
meeting about wuphf?

277
00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:25,310
You know that that was
my idea, right? (Gasps)

278
00:11:25,394 --> 00:11:26,937
I said to Ryan,
"I try to call you,

279
00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:28,081
"and you don't have your phone.

280
00:11:28,105 --> 00:11:29,582
"I try to I.M. You,
and you're not online.

281
00:11:29,606 --> 00:11:31,751
"I wish there was a way that I
could do everything all at once,

282
00:11:31,775 --> 00:11:33,127
"and I could just be
like this little dog going,

283
00:11:33,151 --> 00:11:34,653
"'ruff! Ruff! Ruff!
Ruff! Ruffl'"

284
00:11:34,778 --> 00:11:36,089
Ryan: Baby, baby, baby...
Kelly: I think I'm gonna sue you.

285
00:11:36,113 --> 00:11:37,113
No, no, no.

286
00:11:37,155 --> 00:11:38,258
I do, I do. This isn't right.

287
00:11:38,282 --> 00:11:40,343
I help you with your things,
and you help me with my things.

288
00:11:40,367 --> 00:11:41,743
Kelly: But I... it's not right.

289
00:11:41,827 --> 00:11:44,097
(Whispering) I got this.
It's okay. Don't worry about this.

290
00:11:44,121 --> 00:11:46,498
Is it any particular branch
of Washington university?

291
00:11:46,623 --> 00:11:48,709
The Washington university
public health fund.

292
00:11:49,126 --> 00:11:52,087
W-u-p-h-f.

293
00:11:52,170 --> 00:11:53,171
Oh, god.

294
00:11:53,255 --> 00:11:54,673
They only want it
for the initials.

295
00:11:54,798 --> 00:11:56,383
The domain name. Yeah, they do.

296
00:11:56,466 --> 00:11:57,843
I move we sell. Michael: What?

297
00:11:57,926 --> 00:11:59,386
Yeah, sell. Sell.

298
00:11:59,469 --> 00:12:00,469
Get us out of this.

299
00:12:00,512 --> 00:12:01,972
Have some faith in this idea.

300
00:12:02,097 --> 00:12:03,741
If everybody wants
to sell, we sell, right?

301
00:12:03,765 --> 00:12:05,976
I won't sell. And you know what?

302
00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:08,729
Ryan and I have
the majority of shares.

303
00:12:08,812 --> 00:12:10,612
Isn't that right?
Yes. You alone do, actually.

304
00:12:10,689 --> 00:12:11,690
Yes.

305
00:12:11,982 --> 00:12:12,983
We're not selling.

306
00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:14,818
I will not sell.

307
00:12:16,820 --> 00:12:18,488
Awesome.

308
00:12:21,825 --> 00:12:24,286
Do you mind if we
share this bale?

309
00:12:24,369 --> 00:12:25,537
Sure.

310
00:12:25,621 --> 00:12:27,748
There's no charge to
sit on the hay, is there?

311
00:12:28,165 --> 00:12:29,374
Probably.

312
00:12:29,833 --> 00:12:31,084
I mean, wouldn't you think

313
00:12:31,168 --> 00:12:33,879
the $10 to build your own
broom would include the hay

314
00:12:33,962 --> 00:12:35,213
and not just the instructions?

315
00:12:35,297 --> 00:12:36,316
I mean, I'm starting to think

316
00:12:36,340 --> 00:12:38,318
this guy is just trying to
make money off the holiday.

317
00:12:38,342 --> 00:12:40,594
Yeah, instead of "hay place"
it should be "pay place."

318
00:12:40,677 --> 00:12:41,677
(Laughs)

319
00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:42,721
Don't laugh at me.

320
00:12:42,930 --> 00:12:45,682
No, no, no, iwasn't. I was
just laughing at yourjoke.

321
00:12:49,645 --> 00:12:51,271
"Pay place."

322
00:12:51,355 --> 00:12:55,776
Yeah, so we can celebrate
"Thanksgiving-me-your-money" day.

323
00:12:55,859 --> 00:12:56,944
That's humorous.

324
00:12:57,027 --> 00:12:58,028
Thank you.

325
00:13:01,031 --> 00:13:02,300
Kevin: You guys know
how to get out?

326
00:13:02,324 --> 00:13:03,533
(Children screaming)

327
00:13:07,496 --> 00:13:08,496
Hi, Michael.

328
00:13:08,538 --> 00:13:10,415
Can't talk, saving the planet.

329
00:13:10,540 --> 00:13:11,917
Oh, we don't recycle.

330
00:13:12,292 --> 00:13:13,418
We don't?

331
00:13:13,502 --> 00:13:16,022
Well, why have I been separating
the trash into whites and colors?

332
00:13:16,046 --> 00:13:17,589
I'm sure no one
asked you to do that.

333
00:13:20,217 --> 00:13:21,718
Eight years.

334
00:13:23,512 --> 00:13:25,013
Listen, I know you
really like Ryan...

335
00:13:25,097 --> 00:13:26,807
No, I won't even consider it.

336
00:13:27,057 --> 00:13:28,767
Michael, I...

337
00:13:30,018 --> 00:13:32,604
I hate to say this, but...

338
00:13:32,688 --> 00:13:36,316
You know this special bond
that you've always felt with Ryan,

339
00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:37,818
where, like, you're best friends

340
00:13:37,901 --> 00:13:39,486
or you're his
mentor or something?

341
00:13:39,569 --> 00:13:43,573
Right, yes, yeah.
Best friend/mentor.

342
00:13:44,741 --> 00:13:47,953
Michael, I think that that
feeling only goes one way.

343
00:13:49,037 --> 00:13:50,998
And I think that
Ryan knows that,

344
00:13:51,081 --> 00:13:52,541
and he's taking
advantage of you.

345
00:13:55,460 --> 00:13:56,586
I think you are wrong.

346
00:13:57,212 --> 00:13:58,797
And there are
a lot of other people

347
00:13:58,880 --> 00:14:01,925
in this office who
have money at stake.

348
00:14:02,009 --> 00:14:03,385
Other people you care about.

349
00:14:07,681 --> 00:14:12,310
You may be right.
I may be crazy.

350
00:14:13,645 --> 00:14:16,606
I'm just saying that I think
I agree with your point.

351
00:14:16,898 --> 00:14:19,526
Yeah, but in a jokey way
where you're gonna start singing.

352
00:14:21,653 --> 00:14:23,173
I thought it might
make me feel better.

353
00:14:24,072 --> 00:14:25,949
Okay. Go ahead.

354
00:14:27,951 --> 00:14:32,289
(Singing) But it just
may be a lunatic

355
00:14:36,043 --> 00:14:38,253
ooh, nice. Wasting
time, here we go.

356
00:14:38,336 --> 00:14:40,255
Hey, back off. It's solitaire.

357
00:14:41,214 --> 00:14:42,215
Hey, kid.

358
00:14:42,966 --> 00:14:44,027
Hearyoute looking for work.

359
00:14:44,051 --> 00:14:45,052
Talk to me.

360
00:14:45,135 --> 00:14:47,637
How far can you reach those
lovely long arms of yours?

361
00:14:49,139 --> 00:14:50,140
Put 'em down.

362
00:14:50,682 --> 00:14:53,477
How long can you hold that
pretty little breath of yours?

363
00:14:53,643 --> 00:14:54,853
(Inhales)

364
00:14:54,936 --> 00:14:55,937
Good.

365
00:14:57,355 --> 00:14:58,690
Hey, Jim?

366
00:14:58,815 --> 00:15:00,233
Are you distracting
these people?

367
00:15:00,317 --> 00:15:01,318
Creed: We're working.

368
00:15:03,737 --> 00:15:05,197
Can you at least
try to look busy?

369
00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:06,656
(Exhales)

370
00:15:07,157 --> 00:15:09,093
Jo: The moment Darla put
the cupcake in her mouth,

371
00:15:09,117 --> 00:15:10,660
her daddy pulled
her aside and said,

372
00:15:10,744 --> 00:15:14,623
"you're too fat. No one's
gonna like you if you're too fat."

373
00:15:16,750 --> 00:15:19,836
The next time I saw David
geffen was at the buffalo club.

374
00:15:19,961 --> 00:15:23,423
"I love you,
you gay bastard," I said.

375
00:15:23,507 --> 00:15:25,217
"You gay bastard," I...

376
00:15:25,675 --> 00:15:26,676
Gay ba...

377
00:15:27,344 --> 00:15:28,553
Gay...

378
00:15:32,682 --> 00:15:33,809
Michael,

379
00:15:33,892 --> 00:15:35,435
how's it going, bro?
Good, good, bro.

380
00:15:35,519 --> 00:15:37,439
Hey, thanks so much for
having my back out there.

381
00:15:37,521 --> 00:15:39,022
Always have your back.

382
00:15:39,106 --> 00:15:41,775
So, any ideas on how we can
get over this nine-day hump here?

383
00:15:41,858 --> 00:15:45,529
I have nothing but ideas. The
thing is, they all require money.

384
00:15:45,695 --> 00:15:47,405
Nine days, though. That's, hke_.

385
00:15:47,489 --> 00:15:49,825
Look, I know I've
tapped you so hard.

386
00:15:50,033 --> 00:15:51,952
Yes, you have tapped this. Hard.

387
00:15:52,035 --> 00:15:53,370
(Laughs)

388
00:15:53,453 --> 00:15:54,830
You are funny, Michael.

389
00:15:54,913 --> 00:15:56,873
You... people don't
give you enough credit.

390
00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:59,209
Maybe I could take a second
mortgage on my condo.

391
00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:01,066
Well, a lot of
people are doing that,

392
00:16:01,128 --> 00:16:02,605
and there don't seem
to be any consequences.

393
00:16:02,629 --> 00:16:05,173
And they say the rates
have never been lower.

394
00:16:05,257 --> 00:16:08,051
So, you would think that's
a good idea for me to do?

395
00:16:08,176 --> 00:16:12,055
Think about this, you and
me on our private plane,

396
00:16:12,430 --> 00:16:14,141
flown by our private pilot,

397
00:16:14,224 --> 00:16:17,561
eating our private meal,
cooked by our private chef.

398
00:16:17,644 --> 00:16:19,563
Yeah, well, we never even
have dinner now, so...

399
00:16:19,688 --> 00:16:20,688
We totally should.

400
00:16:20,730 --> 00:16:21,773
Tonight?

401
00:16:22,190 --> 00:16:23,233
I gotta work on this.

402
00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:26,111
Right. What am I
saying? Rain check.

403
00:16:26,194 --> 00:16:27,821
Yeah.

404
00:16:29,948 --> 00:16:35,203
And now, by show of applause,
we will crown this year's hay king.

405
00:16:35,287 --> 00:16:38,081
All in favor of purebred.

406
00:16:38,707 --> 00:16:40,083
Put your hands together for

407
00:16:40,250 --> 00:16:41,585
mixed bred.

408
00:16:42,752 --> 00:16:44,087
And let's hear it for

409
00:16:44,379 --> 00:16:45,672
purebred.

410
00:16:47,591 --> 00:16:49,634
We appear to
have a three-way tie.

411
00:16:49,718 --> 00:16:53,054
I have no choice but to
pick the hay king myself.

412
00:16:53,180 --> 00:16:54,431
I pick...

413
00:16:56,474 --> 00:16:59,603
Me! I am your hay king!

414
00:17:00,270 --> 00:17:02,898
All hail your hay king!

415
00:17:05,901 --> 00:17:08,695
Did I truck 300 bales
of hay to a parking lot

416
00:17:08,778 --> 00:17:11,323
to rectify some
childhood disappointment?

417
00:17:13,158 --> 00:17:14,242
Yes.

418
00:17:14,451 --> 00:17:16,077
So, if I were to
call dunder Mifflin

419
00:17:16,161 --> 00:17:18,163
and ask for miss Angela Martin,

420
00:17:19,748 --> 00:17:20,828
would I get through to you?

421
00:17:22,209 --> 00:17:23,710
You would.

422
00:17:23,793 --> 00:17:26,004
And if I were to call your
house and ask for your wife,

423
00:17:26,087 --> 00:17:27,167
would I get through to you?

424
00:17:28,131 --> 00:17:30,258
My wife passed away
a few years ago.

425
00:17:30,467 --> 00:17:32,260
How tragic.

426
00:17:32,344 --> 00:17:33,720
Very sorry to hear that.

427
00:17:33,803 --> 00:17:34,804
Thank you.

428
00:17:36,473 --> 00:17:39,476
Kevin: Help! Hello?

429
00:17:41,478 --> 00:17:44,022
Oh! Help!

430
00:17:47,984 --> 00:17:50,278
Consider it a wuphf in person.

431
00:17:50,362 --> 00:17:51,696
You're doing the wrong thing.

432
00:17:51,780 --> 00:17:54,050
You're gonna lose Michael's
investment, you're gonna lose ours.

433
00:17:54,074 --> 00:17:56,576
You got this crazy opportunity
to get our money back.

434
00:17:56,910 --> 00:17:57,994
Tell Mike to sell.

435
00:17:58,078 --> 00:18:00,038
If you tell Michael
to sell, he'll sell.

436
00:18:01,206 --> 00:18:02,207
I'm betting on myself.

437
00:18:02,332 --> 00:18:03,583
It's a bad bet.

438
00:18:03,667 --> 00:18:04,668
Hello?

439
00:18:05,210 --> 00:18:07,087
Hey. It's an ambush here.

440
00:18:07,170 --> 00:18:08,630
Nobody here
behevesin this company.

441
00:18:08,713 --> 00:18:09,982
Will you tell
them they're wrong?

442
00:18:10,006 --> 00:18:11,275
It's not that we don't
believe in the company.

443
00:18:11,299 --> 00:18:12,384
We don't believe in you.

444
00:18:12,509 --> 00:18:14,109
All those in favor
of selling, say "aye."

445
00:18:14,302 --> 00:18:15,637
Aye.

446
00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:16,721
Aye.

447
00:18:20,892 --> 00:18:24,145
Do not agree to sell,
which is to say nay.

448
00:18:24,646 --> 00:18:27,732
What is wrong with you? What
happened to you in high school?

449
00:18:27,816 --> 00:18:29,025
Michael, are you that blind?

450
00:18:29,150 --> 00:18:31,903
I'm not blind!
I know exactly who he is.

451
00:18:31,987 --> 00:18:36,533
He is selfish and lazy and
image-obsessed, and he is a bad friend.

452
00:18:38,451 --> 00:18:40,870
And he's also clever.

453
00:18:40,954 --> 00:18:44,624
And he shoots incredibly
high, and he may just make it.

454
00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:46,352
But you know what,
even if he doesn't,

455
00:18:46,376 --> 00:18:49,504
I would rather go broke
betting on my people

456
00:18:49,587 --> 00:18:53,675
than get rich all by myself on
some island like a castaway.

457
00:18:53,758 --> 00:18:55,176
And there is no middle ground.

458
00:18:55,260 --> 00:18:57,429
You're gonna lose
all of our money.

459
00:18:57,637 --> 00:19:02,058
Only if he fails. And you know
what? Ryan, I believe in you,

460
00:19:02,517 --> 00:19:04,644
just like I believe
in all of you.

461
00:19:06,563 --> 00:19:09,232
You have nine days
to save everybody's money.

462
00:19:09,441 --> 00:19:11,985
Oh, that's a lot of pressure.

463
00:19:12,068 --> 00:19:13,903
I'm gonna need some more time.

464
00:19:14,237 --> 00:19:15,405
You can't have it.

465
00:19:18,074 --> 00:19:19,242
Okay.

466
00:19:20,076 --> 00:19:21,619
I won't let you down.

467
00:19:29,419 --> 00:19:32,881
Angela? Angela!

468
00:19:42,432 --> 00:19:45,935
The world sends
people your way...

469
00:19:46,019 --> 00:19:51,191
Ryan came to me through a temp
agency. Andy was transferred here.

470
00:19:51,274 --> 00:19:53,735
No idea where creed came from.

471
00:19:53,943 --> 00:19:55,254
The point is you
just have to play

472
00:19:55,278 --> 00:19:57,447
with the cards
that you're dealt.

473
00:19:57,572 --> 00:19:58,573
Jim,

474
00:19:58,865 --> 00:20:00,200
that guy is an ace.

475
00:20:00,283 --> 00:20:03,370
Dwight is my king up my
sleeve. Phyllis is my old maid.

476
00:20:03,453 --> 00:20:04,704
Oscar is my queen.

477
00:20:04,788 --> 00:20:09,000
That's easy. Give me a hard
one. That's what Oscar said.

478
00:20:09,292 --> 00:20:12,045
Toby is the instruction
card you throw away.

479
00:20:12,128 --> 00:20:13,671
Pam is a solid seven.

480
00:20:13,755 --> 00:20:16,549
And yeah, you know what?
Ryan is probably, like, a two.

481
00:20:16,633 --> 00:20:19,719
But sometimes twos
can be wild, so watch out.

482
00:20:19,928 --> 00:20:23,098
And I am obviously
the joker, so...

483
00:20:23,181 --> 00:20:24,933
(Telephone ringing)

484
00:20:25,725 --> 00:20:26,726
Thafs_.

485
00:20:26,810 --> 00:20:28,061
(Computer chimes) (Dog barking)

486
00:20:28,144 --> 00:20:31,940
Automated voice: Wuphf from
Ryan Howard. Decided to sell company.

487
00:20:32,023 --> 00:20:34,567
Thanks, bro. Hell of a ride.

488
00:20:34,651 --> 00:20:36,152
Thank god.

489
00:20:44,160 --> 00:20:45,829
(Telephone rings)

490
00:20:46,329 --> 00:20:47,330
Gabe Lewis.

491
00:20:48,123 --> 00:20:50,291
Jo: Now, listen here,
Gabe, you're too fat.

492
00:20:50,375 --> 00:20:52,502
No one's gonna like
you if you're too fat.

493
00:20:52,585 --> 00:20:55,588
I made some changes to
my book. See if you like them.

494
00:20:55,672 --> 00:20:57,590
Well, Jo... now, I love reading,

495
00:20:57,674 --> 00:20:59,008
and I hate being interrupted.

496
00:20:59,134 --> 00:21:01,761
Shut up and listen,
you gay bastard.

497
00:21:01,845 --> 00:21:06,099
Chapter one. I was born,
not into luxury nor poverty,

498
00:21:06,182 --> 00:21:08,935
but into adversity, and
for that, I thank the lord.

499
00:21:09,018 --> 00:21:11,104
My father was a man.
That's all we can know.

500
00:21:11,187 --> 00:21:14,149
After I learned to ride a bike,
there was no stopping me.

501
00:21:14,232 --> 00:21:17,152
I would ride up magnolia
street and down azalea Lane,

502
00:21:17,235 --> 00:21:18,629
which would later
become my paper route...

503
00:21:18,653 --> 00:21:19,755
All right, good night, Gabe.

504
00:21:19,779 --> 00:21:21,114
Just wanted to say thanks again

505
00:21:21,197 --> 00:21:22,716
'cause I really think I
made good use of my day.

506
00:21:22,740 --> 00:21:24,492
Whereverl wanted.

507
00:21:24,617 --> 00:21:26,369
I have always
been a fighter. Sorry.

508
00:21:26,661 --> 00:21:29,581
And fate has obliged me
with plenty of battles,

509
00:21:29,664 --> 00:21:30,707
the first being a hard...