1
00:00:08,967 --> 00:00:12,429
It's a beautiful
morning at dunder Mifflin.

2
00:00:12,930 --> 00:00:15,349
Or as I like to
call it, great Bratton.

3
00:00:15,599 --> 00:00:17,017
Keep it running.

4
00:00:18,060 --> 00:00:20,270
Creed: Do I love being manager?

5
00:00:21,063 --> 00:00:23,440
I love my kids.
I love real estate.

6
00:00:23,607 --> 00:00:25,984
I love ceramics. I love my job.

7
00:00:26,068 --> 00:00:27,236
I love wrestling.

8
00:00:27,653 --> 00:00:29,321
Find out what language this is.

9
00:00:29,988 --> 00:00:31,823
(Speaking gibberish)

10
00:00:36,411 --> 00:00:38,539
Okay, team building.

11
00:00:38,622 --> 00:00:43,961
On this side of the room,
Stanley, Phyllis, Jim, Ted, elroy.

12
00:00:44,044 --> 00:00:47,923
And on this side of the room,
Pam, Meredith, Phyllis, creed...

13
00:00:48,549 --> 00:00:50,217
He never called a meeting.

14
00:00:51,218 --> 00:00:53,345
Boboddy. Boboddy.

15
00:00:53,428 --> 00:00:56,014
What does the
first "b" stand for?

16
00:00:56,682 --> 00:00:57,683
What are we doing?

17
00:00:57,766 --> 00:01:01,562
We're making acronyms. Okay!
What does the first "b" stand for?

18
00:01:01,687 --> 00:01:03,355
Um, business!

19
00:01:03,647 --> 00:01:04,773
I like it!

20
00:01:05,649 --> 00:01:07,734
Business. Good, Kevin!

21
00:01:07,818 --> 00:01:09,570
All right, the "o."

22
00:01:10,279 --> 00:01:12,030
We need a new manager.

23
00:01:53,238 --> 00:01:54,990
So, after the Navy, I thought,

24
00:01:55,073 --> 00:01:58,577
"cool, me and america are
square. I've done my bit for the flag,

25
00:01:58,660 --> 00:02:00,746
"and time for me
to look out for myself."

26
00:02:00,829 --> 00:02:03,290
I had a buddy in the paper
biz so I just dove right in.

27
00:02:03,373 --> 00:02:04,958
How was your experience
in the Navy?

28
00:02:05,042 --> 00:02:06,460
It was nuts. Yeah.

29
00:02:06,752 --> 00:02:08,378
I was in Hong Kong three times.

30
00:02:08,462 --> 00:02:10,464
Still have pretty
crazy flashbacks from that.

31
00:02:10,547 --> 00:02:12,633
Really? What kind of thing
did you do?

32
00:02:12,716 --> 00:02:13,925
Meteorologist.

33
00:02:14,009 --> 00:02:15,695
What do you mean, like
weather surveillance, or...

34
00:02:15,719 --> 00:02:18,555
Predictor. Constantly
had to predict the weather,

35
00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:21,391
which is... I'm not a god.
I'm just a guy in a shack

36
00:02:21,475 --> 00:02:22,768
with a pair of binoculars.

37
00:02:22,851 --> 00:02:24,495
What do you think about this
weather we're having now?

38
00:02:24,519 --> 00:02:26,247
Don't even talk to me
about the weather, man.

39
00:02:26,271 --> 00:02:28,231
It just all comes
back to me, you know?

40
00:02:28,315 --> 00:02:31,234
There was this one night I
predicted it was gonna be warm.

41
00:02:32,277 --> 00:02:34,279
I sent 200 men out
without their jackets.

42
00:02:36,031 --> 00:02:37,866
It was 60 degrees that night,

43
00:02:38,742 --> 00:02:40,243
52, with windchill.

44
00:02:42,037 --> 00:02:45,117
You can't imagine their faces shivering
through that Carrie Underwood concert.

45
00:02:47,250 --> 00:02:49,419
Your paper experience
is very interesting.

46
00:02:49,503 --> 00:02:51,380
And although
it's mostly manufacturing,

47
00:02:51,463 --> 00:02:54,508
do you think you could use that
experience to inform decisions here?

48
00:02:55,050 --> 00:02:56,510
Absolutely, yes.

49
00:02:56,885 --> 00:02:59,304
In fact, I actually
have a three-step plan

50
00:02:59,388 --> 00:03:01,765
that I believe could
effectively double your profits.

51
00:03:01,890 --> 00:03:03,183
Yeah. Really?

52
00:03:04,935 --> 00:03:05,936
What is it?

53
00:03:07,562 --> 00:03:09,648
(Chuckles) Nice try.

54
00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:15,362
I'm sorry. What is
your three-step plan?

55
00:03:15,570 --> 00:03:17,489
Well, I mean, I can't
just hand you my plan.

56
00:03:18,281 --> 00:03:20,721
I mean, if you guys give me
the job, then you'll get the plan.

57
00:03:21,493 --> 00:03:24,746
Well, it's an interview, and we don't
know that you really have the plan.

58
00:03:24,830 --> 00:03:26,832
I'm not gonna just make
up that I have a plan.

59
00:03:26,915 --> 00:03:29,960
I got a plan. Believe me, you
guys want it. You're in paper, right?

60
00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:31,545
How do we know
that if you don't...

61
00:03:31,628 --> 00:03:33,189
You could just be
saying it to get the job.

62
00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:35,173
I guess I could be if I was...

63
00:03:35,757 --> 00:03:37,634
Who would do that?
How about this,

64
00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:39,970
why don't you give
us a part of the plan,

65
00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:41,513
and that way we
know you have it.

66
00:03:41,596 --> 00:03:44,433
Tell you what? I'll give
you part three of part two.

67
00:03:44,599 --> 00:03:46,351
Not gonna give you a whole part.

68
00:03:46,435 --> 00:03:47,436
Okay.

69
00:03:48,311 --> 00:03:51,273
Color-code said documents. T.M.

70
00:03:53,316 --> 00:03:55,152
Did you just
trademark that? What?

71
00:03:55,277 --> 00:03:57,154
That's a verbal trademark.
That's an agreement.

72
00:03:58,113 --> 00:04:01,575
Jim: We are the search
committee, hand-picked by our ceo

73
00:04:01,658 --> 00:04:03,994
and tasked to find this
branch's new manager.

74
00:04:04,119 --> 00:04:06,246
Not everyone we
meet will be good,

75
00:04:06,621 --> 00:04:08,749
but someone's
bound to be, right?

76
00:04:08,832 --> 00:04:10,000
And to be honest,

77
00:04:10,125 --> 00:04:12,919
I think a lot of the decent
candidates are right here in house.

78
00:04:13,044 --> 00:04:14,504
So, I'm not too worried.

79
00:04:14,963 --> 00:04:17,841
But I'm really excited to spend
a lot of time with Toby and Gabe.

80
00:04:18,467 --> 00:04:20,677
Did you know that Gabe's
last name was Lewis?

81
00:04:21,386 --> 00:04:22,637
I had no idea.

82
00:04:23,305 --> 00:04:24,306
Good morning.

83
00:04:24,389 --> 00:04:25,766
Morning. Good morning.

84
00:04:26,183 --> 00:04:27,434
Good morning.

85
00:04:27,517 --> 00:04:29,102
Did you have a nice drive in?

86
00:04:30,228 --> 00:04:31,438
I did.

87
00:04:32,439 --> 00:04:35,609
I have a solid relationship
with Jo, the company's owner.

88
00:04:35,817 --> 00:04:37,402
I have management experience.

89
00:04:37,486 --> 00:04:39,613
I have a good
friendship with Jim,

90
00:04:39,696 --> 00:04:41,239
the head of
the search committee.

91
00:04:41,364 --> 00:04:43,867
And it doesn't hurt that I'm

92
00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:48,246
black!

93
00:04:49,164 --> 00:04:51,875
We all know this
is a popularity contest.

94
00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:54,211
And Darryl's
the coolest kid in school.

95
00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:58,215
Used to be Jim. Hasn't
been Jim in a long time.

96
00:05:01,593 --> 00:05:02,594
It's good.

97
00:05:03,053 --> 00:05:05,514
It's just words,
which will surprise people.

98
00:05:05,597 --> 00:05:09,017
Yeah. It's based on a really successful
cigarette ad campaign from a while back.

99
00:05:09,100 --> 00:05:10,268
Those were good ads. Yeah.

100
00:05:10,352 --> 00:05:11,812
They got me smoking
when I was eight.

101
00:05:11,895 --> 00:05:15,398
I couldn't quit smoking until the government
put out better ads about not smoking.

102
00:05:16,733 --> 00:05:18,068
I love smoking.

103
00:05:18,735 --> 00:05:19,945
I really hope you get it.

104
00:05:20,028 --> 00:05:22,322
The managerjob?
No, I'm barely interested.

105
00:05:22,489 --> 00:05:25,158
I just can't not go for it, you
know. It's not the Bernard way.

106
00:05:25,242 --> 00:05:26,952
We give it the old college try,

107
00:05:27,035 --> 00:05:28,703
and then in defeat,
we show grace.

108
00:05:29,579 --> 00:05:33,333
Still, I'd really like to see this
office with you in the boss's chair.

109
00:05:33,416 --> 00:05:35,502
Don't even... (G roans)

110
00:05:35,627 --> 00:05:37,504
You in the boss's chair! No.

111
00:05:37,587 --> 00:05:39,907
Andy: In my family, you don't
really go out and get things.

112
00:05:40,298 --> 00:05:42,342
If you want something,
you write it on a list

113
00:05:42,425 --> 00:05:44,111
and then the housekeeper
goes out and gets it

114
00:05:44,135 --> 00:05:46,054
on wednesdays and Fridays.

115
00:05:46,513 --> 00:05:50,559
So, I don't know. I guess you
could say this job is on my list

116
00:05:51,142 --> 00:05:52,853
and we'll see what
Rosa comes back with.

117
00:05:57,899 --> 00:05:59,317
Did you hear anything?

118
00:05:59,776 --> 00:06:02,779
Oh, I'm sure they'll let us
know when they get the results.

119
00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:07,909
It turns out that Erin was born
in the basic time and region

120
00:06:07,993 --> 00:06:09,744
that I gave away a child.

121
00:06:09,953 --> 00:06:12,122
So Phyllis might be my mom.

122
00:06:12,664 --> 00:06:15,500
I mean, the chances
are tiny, but...

123
00:06:15,584 --> 00:06:17,961
Yeah, probably not.

124
00:06:18,044 --> 00:06:19,963
I mean, it was
a big year for babies.

125
00:06:20,046 --> 00:06:21,756
Porky's had come out. Yeah.

126
00:06:21,965 --> 00:06:24,217
I'm sure I was just
another porky's baby.

127
00:06:24,301 --> 00:06:26,136
But why not find out? Yeah.

128
00:06:27,429 --> 00:06:29,472
(Crunching loudly)

129
00:06:32,392 --> 00:06:34,394
Should you really be
so blatant about that?

130
00:06:34,477 --> 00:06:37,230
They won't make me manager,
and I won't settle for anything less.

131
00:06:37,814 --> 00:06:40,859
I've gone about as far as
I can here. That's obvious.

132
00:06:41,234 --> 00:06:42,944
I'm going to take
my talents elsewhere.

133
00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:46,156
Are you really gonna apply for
work at Scranton bread works?

134
00:06:46,656 --> 00:06:50,452
Bread is the paper of the food
industry. You write your sandwich on it.

135
00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:53,872
Can you do any better on salary?

136
00:06:53,955 --> 00:06:55,755
Unfortunately, that
range is set at corporate.

137
00:06:56,166 --> 00:06:57,626
What about mileage
when I use my car?

138
00:06:57,751 --> 00:06:59,628
I mean, gas ain't cheap,
you know. (Chuckles)

139
00:06:59,836 --> 00:07:01,922
We think that 25 cents
a mile is pretty generous.

140
00:07:02,005 --> 00:07:04,382
How about 27 and...

141
00:07:04,799 --> 00:07:06,092
When I make long-distance calls,

142
00:07:06,176 --> 00:07:08,428
will they be monitored,
or is it on the honor system?

143
00:07:10,055 --> 00:07:11,097
Okay.

144
00:07:12,599 --> 00:07:13,600
(Exclaims softly)

145
00:07:17,228 --> 00:07:18,480
How odd!

146
00:07:18,563 --> 00:07:21,524
A very unusual phone call
from the senator's office.

147
00:07:22,025 --> 00:07:25,654
The senator wants me to have lunch
with him at the botanical gardens.

148
00:07:25,737 --> 00:07:27,280
The botanical gardens,

149
00:07:27,364 --> 00:07:29,741
Scranton's hidden gem.

150
00:07:31,076 --> 00:07:33,620
Don't eat any berries
you don't recognize.

151
00:07:33,912 --> 00:07:37,999
How will your experience
selling refinery equipment

152
00:07:38,083 --> 00:07:40,168
translate to our
smaller scale here?

153
00:07:40,251 --> 00:07:41,586
You don't work in sales, do you?

154
00:07:42,671 --> 00:07:43,797
Human resources.

155
00:07:44,214 --> 00:07:46,716
You see,
I sit across from a man,

156
00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:50,679
I see his face, I see his eyes.

157
00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:55,892
Now, does it matter if
he wants $100 of paper

158
00:07:56,059 --> 00:07:59,229
or $100 million of
deep-sea drilling equipment?

159
00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:00,647
Don't be a fool.

160
00:08:00,730 --> 00:08:03,358
He wants respect. He wants love.

161
00:08:04,693 --> 00:08:07,529
He wants to be younger.
He wants to be attractive.

162
00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:11,574
There is no such
thing as a product.

163
00:08:12,367 --> 00:08:14,244
Don't ever think there is.

164
00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:17,414
There is only sex.

165
00:08:18,248 --> 00:08:19,958
Everything is sex.

166
00:08:21,126 --> 00:08:26,631
You understand that what I'm
telling you is a universal truth, Toby?

167
00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:27,882
Yes.

168
00:08:29,050 --> 00:08:31,803
Okay, I am... I'm almost
a little concerned that

169
00:08:31,928 --> 00:08:34,597
you might be overqualified
for the position. (Laughs)

170
00:08:34,681 --> 00:08:37,100
Do you, um... do
you think that you are?

171
00:08:37,308 --> 00:08:40,645
Do I look like someone who
would waste my own time?

172
00:08:45,108 --> 00:08:47,193
Can you... (Clears throat)

173
00:08:47,277 --> 00:08:50,613
You are a man of
great confidence.

174
00:08:51,072 --> 00:08:53,033
Could you speak
a little more to that

175
00:08:53,116 --> 00:08:55,952
and what the role ofconfidence

176
00:08:56,953 --> 00:09:00,206
would be in a dialog
with a subordinate?

177
00:09:00,790 --> 00:09:02,000
Will you be heard?

178
00:09:02,667 --> 00:09:04,085
Will you have a voice?

179
00:09:04,753 --> 00:09:06,755
Will I steamroll over you?

180
00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:10,383
Do you feel heard
right now, Jim?

181
00:09:12,010 --> 00:09:13,970
Do you have a voice right now?

182
00:09:15,638 --> 00:09:17,390
You can answer me. Yes.

183
00:09:17,682 --> 00:09:19,434
That was your choice, not mine.

184
00:09:20,477 --> 00:09:23,563
The fallacy is that it
is up to the steamroller.

185
00:09:23,813 --> 00:09:25,648
It is up to the object

186
00:09:26,524 --> 00:09:28,359
whether it will be
flattened or not.

187
00:09:28,693 --> 00:09:31,488
And I can tell just from the small
interaction we've had already,

188
00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:33,281
you won't be
flattened by anybody.

189
00:09:33,656 --> 00:09:35,909
Do you agree with me, Jim? Yes.

190
00:09:35,992 --> 00:09:37,702
Yes, you do.

191
00:09:58,098 --> 00:09:59,474
He creeps me out.

192
00:10:00,683 --> 00:10:02,602
But I think he
might be a genius.

193
00:10:06,856 --> 00:10:08,525
Dwight, there's a
call for you on line 2.

194
00:10:10,068 --> 00:10:11,319
No, thanks.

195
00:10:15,782 --> 00:10:17,659
He's in the shower.

196
00:10:31,589 --> 00:10:32,882
Good luck, Darryl.

197
00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:34,300
Thank you.

198
00:10:36,761 --> 00:10:38,471
Is that the kind of boss
he would be?

199
00:10:38,555 --> 00:10:41,641
Completely insensitive to the
insecurities of other people in this office

200
00:10:41,724 --> 00:10:43,869
who might also be interviewing
for the manager position

201
00:10:43,893 --> 00:10:46,146
and might also want to be
wished a little bit of luck

202
00:10:46,229 --> 00:10:48,606
'cause they're kind of
spinning out a little bit?

203
00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:52,569
I don't want that kind of
boss. No, thank you. Not good.

204
00:10:52,902 --> 00:10:55,446
Good man, though.
Nice guy. My best friend.

205
00:10:56,406 --> 00:10:57,407
Think about it.

206
00:10:57,490 --> 00:11:01,661
What other mammal, besides humans,
drinks the milk of another mammal?

207
00:11:01,828 --> 00:11:04,414
I mean, you don't see a
bear drinking raccoon milk.

208
00:11:04,622 --> 00:11:06,082
How long have
you been off dairy?

209
00:11:06,416 --> 00:11:09,002
As soon as I can say no to
those two pushers, Ben & Jerry.

210
00:11:09,085 --> 00:11:10,587
(All laughing)

211
00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:13,756
So this is cool. I think
we make a good fit.

212
00:11:14,215 --> 00:11:16,593
Oh, we haven't started
the interview yet.

213
00:11:17,385 --> 00:11:18,761
Were you joking?

214
00:11:18,845 --> 00:11:20,096
(Chuckles softly)

215
00:11:21,139 --> 00:11:24,142
Uh, yes. I was.

216
00:11:24,434 --> 00:11:25,935
A little joke.

217
00:11:26,769 --> 00:11:29,355
So how would you
go about settling

218
00:11:29,439 --> 00:11:31,691
interpersonal conflicts
within the office?

219
00:11:32,483 --> 00:11:33,902
I thought that was your job.

220
00:11:34,944 --> 00:11:38,114
Well, it's one of my strengths,
but it's the manager's job.

221
00:11:39,616 --> 00:11:41,336
Well, for instance,
how did you deal with it

222
00:11:41,367 --> 00:11:43,369
when two warehouse
guys got into a fight?

223
00:11:43,453 --> 00:11:47,624
I'll answer that, Jim. I would
use it as an opportunity to teach

224
00:11:48,249 --> 00:11:52,962
about actions and
consequences of actions.

225
00:12:01,804 --> 00:12:02,889
Who's that?

226
00:12:03,681 --> 00:12:06,809
So I think all we need is a
resume and we'll be good, right?

227
00:12:08,478 --> 00:12:10,897
I just thought you knew me.
Yeah, it's no big deal.

228
00:12:10,980 --> 00:12:12,899
Just something
that looks like that.

229
00:12:13,149 --> 00:12:14,359
Jim: Cool?

230
00:12:14,442 --> 00:12:15,485
Let me...

231
00:12:17,987 --> 00:12:19,322
Cool.

232
00:12:27,956 --> 00:12:29,374
Did you just interview?

233
00:12:29,457 --> 00:12:31,167
Oh, unfortunately, yes.

234
00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:36,256
What do you mean?

235
00:12:36,839 --> 00:12:38,466
That business
can't attract anyone.

236
00:12:39,342 --> 00:12:40,677
It's awful up there.

237
00:12:41,344 --> 00:12:45,306
Those people seem like they're
in prison waiting out life sentences

238
00:12:45,390 --> 00:12:47,850
in a dying industry.

239
00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:49,519
Place must be horrible.

240
00:12:54,190 --> 00:12:55,984
I don't know if I want this job.

241
00:12:56,150 --> 00:12:59,279
Well, if I get this job offer, then
I know that I'm gonna take it.

242
00:12:59,362 --> 00:13:02,198
And if I take it, I know
that I'm never gonna quit.

243
00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:05,493
And then 25 years
are gonna go by,

244
00:13:07,954 --> 00:13:09,414
and I'm gonna die here.

245
00:13:09,831 --> 00:13:13,626
What makes you feel qualified to
judge a place after a mere interview?

246
00:13:21,843 --> 00:13:23,219
What are you doing?

247
00:13:27,849 --> 00:13:29,309
Stop trying to figure me out.

248
00:13:29,392 --> 00:13:30,852
I just did. You can't.

249
00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:32,770
It's done. No, it's not.

250
00:13:32,854 --> 00:13:34,188
I know you now, your nature.

251
00:13:34,272 --> 00:13:35,708
You don't know me. You
don't know anything about me.

252
00:13:35,732 --> 00:13:36,875
I'm done. Get out of my head.

253
00:13:36,899 --> 00:13:38,901
Not worth continuing.
Stop trying to figure me out.

254
00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:40,153
(Clears throat)

255
00:13:43,197 --> 00:13:45,950
Do you even know
anything about paper?

256
00:13:46,034 --> 00:13:47,327
How it's made?

257
00:13:47,410 --> 00:13:50,955
I saw an episode on how they
make paper on sesame street.

258
00:13:53,374 --> 00:13:54,374
Get out.

259
00:13:54,417 --> 00:13:57,337
I'm gonna prevent inferior men
from sullying my place of work

260
00:13:57,420 --> 00:13:59,922
with their weak,
passionless leadership.

261
00:14:00,423 --> 00:14:04,969
Do you see my hat? No? That's
because I just threw it in the ring.

262
00:14:05,928 --> 00:14:08,264
You guys pay for
relocation, though, right?

263
00:14:08,348 --> 00:14:11,434
Well, why would you need relocation
if you already live in Scranton?

264
00:14:11,642 --> 00:14:14,187
Well, I'd wanna move
further away, you know?

265
00:14:14,270 --> 00:14:16,022
Just don't want
any chance of running

266
00:14:16,105 --> 00:14:17,774
into my coworkers
outside the office.

267
00:14:20,026 --> 00:14:22,445
Can I ask why you're
leaving your current job?

268
00:14:25,531 --> 00:14:29,577
I'm leaving my otherjob
because they were all jerks.

269
00:14:29,660 --> 00:14:31,621
Really. You know, all of them.

270
00:14:31,704 --> 00:14:34,290
You had yourjerk-wads
and yourjerk-offs, so...

271
00:14:34,999 --> 00:14:38,086
Just between the wads and the offs,
I just thought, "I gotta get out of here."

272
00:14:38,211 --> 00:14:40,088
Is this a bad time
to be doing this?

273
00:14:40,296 --> 00:14:43,174
I know I'm having a bad time.

274
00:14:43,841 --> 00:14:46,844
I'm sorry. If we did
something to upset you,

275
00:14:46,928 --> 00:14:48,679
I'm sure it was inadvertent.

276
00:14:55,311 --> 00:14:56,312
Wait.

277
00:14:56,562 --> 00:14:59,357
Oh, why did I believe
that weirdo in the lobby?

278
00:15:00,817 --> 00:15:02,902
These are the nicest
people I ever met.

279
00:15:04,821 --> 00:15:06,447
Thank you.

280
00:15:09,117 --> 00:15:10,118
I'm engaged.

281
00:15:10,827 --> 00:15:12,161
Damn, girl.

282
00:15:15,498 --> 00:15:16,958
Pam: It's gorgeous, Angela.

283
00:15:17,166 --> 00:15:19,144
Yeah, I actually know about
nice rings, and it is gorgeous.

284
00:15:19,168 --> 00:15:20,169
Wow.

285
00:15:20,253 --> 00:15:23,464
It's a little flashy. I mean,
what am I, Naomi judd?

286
00:15:23,881 --> 00:15:25,341
Tell us the freaking story!

287
00:15:25,466 --> 00:15:26,926
Yeah, tell us a story.

288
00:15:27,009 --> 00:15:30,847
Okay. He took me to the replica
of monet's Japanese bridge.

289
00:15:31,347 --> 00:15:34,225
And then he put this flower behind
my ear, which normally I would hate,

290
00:15:34,308 --> 00:15:35,852
'cause it's so civil rights-y.

291
00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:38,229
Then he got down on
one knee and he said,

292
00:15:38,521 --> 00:15:40,398
"will you be a senator's wife?"

293
00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:42,442
(Laughs)

294
00:15:42,525 --> 00:15:44,735
He talked about himself
in the third person?

295
00:15:44,819 --> 00:15:48,573
Yes, Pam. Not everyone is
as informal as you and Jim.

296
00:15:48,698 --> 00:15:51,617
"Hey, Pam, dude,
whatever. Wanna marry me?"

297
00:15:51,701 --> 00:15:53,077
(All laughing)

298
00:15:53,161 --> 00:15:54,495
That's not accurate.

299
00:15:54,579 --> 00:15:57,331
Then I saw flashes.
So, reporters were there.

300
00:15:57,415 --> 00:16:00,877
They always find us.
And everyone was crying.

301
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:02,253
Even his aide.

302
00:16:02,795 --> 00:16:04,380
Angela's engaged to a gay man.

303
00:16:06,090 --> 00:16:07,717
As a gay man, I'm horrified.

304
00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:10,386
As a friend of
Angela's, horrified.

305
00:16:10,678 --> 00:16:14,348
As a lover of elegant
weddings, I'm a little excited.

306
00:16:14,891 --> 00:16:17,310
But overall, horrified.

307
00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:20,229
Andy? You all set?

308
00:16:22,231 --> 00:16:23,774
Okay, guys. It's time.

309
00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:27,195
It's pep talk time.
Tell me what I need to hear.

310
00:16:27,528 --> 00:16:29,989
Hmm, are you sure
this is a good idea? I...

311
00:16:30,406 --> 00:16:32,074
I hate to see you disappointed.

312
00:16:32,575 --> 00:16:34,452
That's not what
I was hoping for.

313
00:16:34,535 --> 00:16:36,975
Okay, I just want someone to
tell me, "you're gonna do great."

314
00:16:39,165 --> 00:16:41,209
You'll do great. Come on.

315
00:16:42,251 --> 00:16:44,170
You guys are my best friends.

316
00:16:49,759 --> 00:16:53,346
I'd be happy if Andy were
boss. He listens to my stories.

317
00:16:53,429 --> 00:16:55,932
And they're not all a-plus
stories, let's be honest.

318
00:16:56,015 --> 00:16:58,893
But you know what? He
always listens like they're a-plus.

319
00:17:01,437 --> 00:17:03,272
Well, some are a-plus.

320
00:17:04,857 --> 00:17:06,359
I think Andy should be the boss.

321
00:17:06,442 --> 00:17:08,194
He's just so great.

322
00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:11,447
If I'm being objective,
then Darryl, of course.

323
00:17:11,781 --> 00:17:14,408
So, Andy, what improvements
would you make as office manager?

324
00:17:14,492 --> 00:17:17,372
For starters, I really think we can
streamline communication around here.

325
00:17:17,787 --> 00:17:20,748
Whoa. That's a very heavy
accusation to level against Toby.

326
00:17:21,916 --> 00:17:23,042
I wasn't accusing...

327
00:17:23,125 --> 00:17:24,603
Well, Toby's in charge
of human resources.

328
00:17:24,627 --> 00:17:26,170
That would include
communication.

329
00:17:26,963 --> 00:17:28,798
I think that
Toby's done a fine job.

330
00:17:29,131 --> 00:17:32,426
Right. I really wasn't
trying to insult anyone.

331
00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:34,637
I didn't think you were.

332
00:17:34,762 --> 00:17:36,472
I have two relationships
with Andy.

333
00:17:36,681 --> 00:17:38,266
I have a personal relationship,

334
00:17:38,349 --> 00:17:39,934
and I have a professional
relationship.

335
00:17:40,142 --> 00:17:42,186
Personally, yeah,
I think he's a rat

336
00:17:42,270 --> 00:17:43,950
and I think he's
responsible for the demise

337
00:17:44,021 --> 00:17:45,481
of my relationship with Erin.

338
00:17:45,982 --> 00:17:47,608
Professionally...

339
00:17:48,484 --> 00:17:50,403
He broke up the happiest
couple in this office.

340
00:17:50,486 --> 00:17:52,206
How many windows are
there in New York City?

341
00:17:52,613 --> 00:17:54,323
What? Critical thinking.

342
00:17:54,407 --> 00:17:56,617
Common on-the-spot question
asked in an interview.

343
00:17:57,159 --> 00:17:59,662
Okay. Uh, let me think. Are
you counting car windows?

344
00:17:59,745 --> 00:18:01,706
No. How far away is the sun?

345
00:18:02,290 --> 00:18:03,958
Ninety-three million miles.

346
00:18:04,917 --> 00:18:06,544
Ism? Yeah.

347
00:18:07,044 --> 00:18:09,714
And the diameter of
the sun is 870,000 miles,

348
00:18:09,797 --> 00:18:11,841
which makes it 109 times
wider than the earth

349
00:18:12,008 --> 00:18:14,760
and 333,000 times
heavier than the earth.

350
00:18:14,844 --> 00:18:16,220
Shut up about the sun.

351
00:18:16,304 --> 00:18:18,723
Shut up about the sun!

352
00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:23,811
Okay, I'm not a doctor,

353
00:18:23,894 --> 00:18:26,522
but I think the medical
term for that was a spaz out.

354
00:18:27,607 --> 00:18:28,983
Gabe just lost it.

355
00:18:30,818 --> 00:18:32,862
That's the best part about
convening a tribunal.

356
00:18:33,571 --> 00:18:37,074
One bunal can go down, and
you still have two bunals left.

357
00:18:37,700 --> 00:18:38,743
Right?

358
00:18:40,328 --> 00:18:41,662
Andy, how'd it go?

359
00:18:41,829 --> 00:18:43,581
I don't want to brag, but...

360
00:18:45,166 --> 00:18:46,542
I did my best.

361
00:18:47,668 --> 00:18:48,878
Hello!

362
00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:50,421
I forgot something in my car.

363
00:18:53,382 --> 00:18:55,926
You guys are so cute. When
are you gonna get back together?

364
00:18:56,552 --> 00:18:58,638
Never. We're just friends.

365
00:18:58,721 --> 00:18:59,722
Oh!

366
00:18:59,889 --> 00:19:02,058
Okay, my mistake.

367
00:19:02,141 --> 00:19:05,645
You know, you could have any
man in this whole office with your legs.

368
00:19:06,395 --> 00:19:08,314
I say go for it,
if you're interested.

369
00:19:09,065 --> 00:19:12,818
But you're not, so never mind.

370
00:19:21,952 --> 00:19:24,830
I am unhappy with the confusing

371
00:19:24,914 --> 00:19:28,209
and, at times, confrontational
nature of that meeting.

372
00:19:28,292 --> 00:19:30,127
I wanted it to go better.

373
00:19:30,544 --> 00:19:32,880
I wanted it to go better!

374
00:19:34,423 --> 00:19:37,343
Yes, there used to be a paper
clip that would pop up and say,

375
00:19:37,426 --> 00:19:40,513
"looks like you are writing a letter
or resume. Would you like help?"

376
00:19:40,596 --> 00:19:43,683
I believe his name was clippy.

377
00:19:45,226 --> 00:19:47,269
Creed: First of all,
iwanna thank you

378
00:19:47,353 --> 00:19:49,480
for your years of
patronizing our company.

379
00:19:50,314 --> 00:19:53,651
I've got some bad news.
We're going out of business.

380
00:19:54,151 --> 00:19:55,152
Saving face.

381
00:19:57,113 --> 00:19:58,739
Yep, yep. I understand that.

382
00:19:59,448 --> 00:20:01,367
Basically everything's
falling apart here.

383
00:20:01,450 --> 00:20:03,202
How is this on me?

384
00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:05,121
Hang up.

385
00:20:06,580 --> 00:20:08,541
Corporate needs you
to find the differences

386
00:20:08,624 --> 00:20:11,460
between this picture
and this picture.

387
00:20:12,336 --> 00:20:14,380
Intel has told us there
were at least seven.

388
00:20:14,964 --> 00:20:16,757
Okay. I already
see one. Give me.

389
00:20:16,882 --> 00:20:17,967
Okay.

390
00:20:19,093 --> 00:20:20,511
They're the same picture.

391
00:20:21,887 --> 00:20:25,808
Well, I manage my department, and
I've been doing that for several years now.

392
00:20:25,933 --> 00:20:29,145
And, god, I've learned a lot
of life lessons along the way.

393
00:20:29,687 --> 00:20:31,397
Your department's
just you, right?

394
00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:33,691
Yes, Jim, but I am
not easy to manage.

395
00:20:33,941 --> 00:20:36,193
Great. Um, can we just...

396
00:20:37,069 --> 00:20:38,070
What was that?

397
00:20:38,612 --> 00:20:42,616
We just have a lot of serious
candidates to get through today, so...

398
00:20:43,075 --> 00:20:44,869
Am I not a serious candidate?

399
00:20:46,579 --> 00:20:47,747
What do you want me to say?

400
00:20:47,830 --> 00:20:49,915
I mean, there's a line of
qualified people out there.

401
00:20:49,999 --> 00:20:51,917
We have a video cv from england.

402
00:20:52,001 --> 00:20:53,753
Are we all just
gonna pretend to...

403
00:20:54,462 --> 00:20:55,838
Okay. Um...

404
00:20:56,630 --> 00:20:58,048
What are your weaknesses?

405
00:20:58,132 --> 00:20:59,884
I don't have any, (bleep)

406
00:21:05,681 --> 00:21:08,058
Erin, I believe you have
my resume on file.

407
00:21:08,642 --> 00:21:12,396
Please print out four copies on
32-pound cotton stock, bright white.

408
00:21:14,190 --> 00:21:16,150
Ivory. Yes, sir.

409
00:21:16,233 --> 00:21:17,693
Who's in there now? Kelly.

410
00:21:18,235 --> 00:21:19,779
For god's sake.

411
00:21:19,862 --> 00:21:22,507
So, Kelly, what do you think the
future holds for the paper business?

412
00:21:22,531 --> 00:21:24,033
Me peeing on Gabe's corpse.

413
00:21:28,037 --> 00:21:29,079
I want an interview.

414
00:21:30,664 --> 00:21:32,208
Good. How's the family?

415
00:21:32,291 --> 00:21:34,168
Good? Are they good? Yeah.

416
00:21:35,211 --> 00:21:37,463
What's your daughter's
name again? Pee pee?

417
00:21:37,546 --> 00:21:38,589
Peepa.

418
00:21:38,672 --> 00:21:39,840
Peepa. How is she?

419
00:21:39,924 --> 00:21:41,091
Great. Great!

420
00:21:41,467 --> 00:21:42,968
Oh, that's great.

421
00:21:44,470 --> 00:21:46,490
We never were very good
at small talk, were we, Jim?

422
00:21:46,514 --> 00:21:47,514
Now, listen...

423
00:21:47,556 --> 00:21:49,308
You're not getting
an interview, Dwight.

424
00:21:49,391 --> 00:21:51,811
The whole point of this
search committee process

425
00:21:51,894 --> 00:21:53,705
is to prevent hiring
someone like you ever again.

426
00:21:53,729 --> 00:21:55,123
Okay. I know why
you're saying that, Jim.

427
00:21:55,147 --> 00:21:56,732
I really do. But
think of it this way.

428
00:21:57,942 --> 00:22:00,861
The hand that reaches from
the grave to grip your throat

429
00:22:00,945 --> 00:22:03,113
is the strong hand
you want on the wheel.

430
00:22:03,197 --> 00:22:04,573
Okay. That's vivid.

431
00:22:04,657 --> 00:22:06,450
Now, I'm gonna make
you an offer, okay?

432
00:22:06,534 --> 00:22:09,578
You even do so little
as Grant me an interview,

433
00:22:09,662 --> 00:22:12,998
I will guarantee you
your dream work life, okay?

434
00:22:13,082 --> 00:22:15,042
You roll in at 10:00 am.

435
00:22:15,125 --> 00:22:17,211
To your own private
reserved parking spot,

436
00:22:17,294 --> 00:22:20,589
pick up your daily free coffee
from Dwight's caffeine corner,

437
00:22:20,673 --> 00:22:22,800
unlimited sex breaks
for you and Pam.

438
00:22:22,925 --> 00:22:25,511
Yikes. Erin will eat garbage
for your entertainment.

439
00:22:25,636 --> 00:22:28,973
Wow. You know how I like
taking bribes. (Chuckles)

440
00:22:29,056 --> 00:22:31,350
But unfortunately, Jo also
took the job away from you

441
00:22:31,433 --> 00:22:33,018
because she doesn't
trust your judgment.

442
00:22:33,185 --> 00:22:35,938
So how would that look for
me if I recommended you?

443
00:22:37,022 --> 00:22:39,275
Fine, I'll do it without you.

444
00:22:39,733 --> 00:22:42,236
Okay. You'll regret this.

445
00:22:43,279 --> 00:22:44,822
Let me get that for you.

446
00:22:45,531 --> 00:22:46,699
Okay. Thank you.

447
00:22:49,451 --> 00:22:51,429
As long as you keep it
moist, it's easier to work with.

448
00:22:51,453 --> 00:22:53,497
And I can't just use
a tube of Crescent rolls?

449
00:22:54,498 --> 00:22:57,459
You know what, go to
McDonald's for dinner. Why cook?

450
00:22:58,794 --> 00:22:59,837
Okay.

451
00:23:02,423 --> 00:23:03,883
Pam,

452
00:23:04,758 --> 00:23:06,135
I think Robert is gay.

453
00:23:06,468 --> 00:23:07,803
The senator?

454
00:23:08,846 --> 00:23:11,056
He was married before,
and he has a kid.

455
00:23:11,140 --> 00:23:12,433
So... and don't say that thing

456
00:23:12,516 --> 00:23:14,602
about how lots of
gay guys have kids.

457
00:23:15,936 --> 00:23:18,272
I have a very strong suspicion.

458
00:23:19,481 --> 00:23:20,482
Did you?

459
00:23:20,983 --> 00:23:23,444
Oh! (Chuckles) No.

460
00:23:25,654 --> 00:23:26,989
Did you see him at a bathhouse?

461
00:23:27,489 --> 00:23:28,657
What bathhouse?

462
00:23:28,741 --> 00:23:30,826
The windowless building
by the baskin Robbins.

463
00:23:31,785 --> 00:23:32,786
What?

464
00:23:32,912 --> 00:23:35,080
Forget it. I'm never gonna
know what goes on there.

465
00:23:35,456 --> 00:23:38,250
Name: David Brent.
Occupation: Inspirer.

466
00:23:38,375 --> 00:23:40,377
Status: None of your business.

467
00:23:40,669 --> 00:23:42,713
Young, free and single,
though. Thanks for asking.

468
00:23:42,838 --> 00:23:45,049
Hear you're looking
for a new boss, yeah?

469
00:23:45,799 --> 00:23:48,552
Someone to tell a bunch of
discontented, under-encouraged drones

470
00:23:48,636 --> 00:23:49,720
what to do every day.

471
00:23:49,803 --> 00:23:52,556
Is that it? Our
out-of-touch powers that be.

472
00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:55,100
Want me to fire them? They
don't see things your way?

473
00:23:55,184 --> 00:23:57,770
Then I ain't that dude.
Bye-bye, baby, bye-bye.

474
00:23:57,853 --> 00:23:59,581
Get some other corporate
suit to lay down the law.

475
00:23:59,605 --> 00:24:01,190
What? You've changed your mind?

476
00:24:01,273 --> 00:24:03,108
You're now looking
for a leader of men?

477
00:24:03,609 --> 00:24:05,736
Ipso facto. Women too.

478
00:24:06,028 --> 00:24:07,488
When do I start?

479
00:24:07,571 --> 00:24:08,572
Eh?

480
00:24:11,367 --> 00:24:13,327
Hi. Hey. Hey.

481
00:24:13,410 --> 00:24:16,914
I realized I never paid you back for
that lunch you paid for, like, a month ago.

482
00:24:17,289 --> 00:24:18,415
Yeah, don't worry about it.

483
00:24:18,499 --> 00:24:20,292
Well, it's money.

484
00:24:20,376 --> 00:24:23,921
I was thinking I could make dinner for
you tonight, like a middle eastern feast.

485
00:24:24,546 --> 00:24:27,174
Chicken shawarmas, shish
kebabs, pita with hummus.

486
00:24:28,050 --> 00:24:31,553
Well, I think I only lent you like $3.
That would be so much more trouble.

487
00:24:32,096 --> 00:24:34,056
Just bring the money tomorrow.
No big deal.

488
00:24:35,057 --> 00:24:36,850
Or else I'll break your legs.

489
00:24:37,518 --> 00:24:39,603
Not if I can help it.

490
00:24:45,734 --> 00:24:47,319
My friend at the Scranton blade

491
00:24:47,403 --> 00:24:49,071
is totally plugged
into these matters.

492
00:24:49,530 --> 00:24:50,990
You're in the gay mafia.

493
00:24:51,073 --> 00:24:53,659
You're thinking of another
group, much wealthier, much older.

494
00:24:53,742 --> 00:24:54,952
You sound ignorant.

495
00:24:56,328 --> 00:24:58,497
You guys, um, talking senator?

496
00:24:59,581 --> 00:25:00,581
No.

497
00:25:00,624 --> 00:25:02,418
Why would we be
talking about the senator?

498
00:25:02,835 --> 00:25:04,545
'Cause he's totally gay.

499
00:25:05,337 --> 00:25:07,089
How do I know
that Robert is gay?

500
00:25:07,464 --> 00:25:11,510
He "liked" my Facebook
photos at 3:00 in the morning.

501
00:25:14,054 --> 00:25:15,414
It was a really
good photo, though.

502
00:25:15,973 --> 00:25:18,684
Do you know what it took
to get Bob to notice me?

503
00:25:19,059 --> 00:25:21,228
Iwaited in his
office every morning

504
00:25:21,311 --> 00:25:22,813
wearing nothing
but kitty cat ears.

505
00:25:22,896 --> 00:25:24,857
I did that every
day for two weeks.

506
00:25:24,940 --> 00:25:26,300
And on the tenth day,
he walked in,

507
00:25:26,358 --> 00:25:28,485
he was naked too,
except a dog nose.

508
00:25:29,278 --> 00:25:30,588
Guess what we did then?
Bestiality.

509
00:25:30,612 --> 00:25:31,812
I don't think I can do that...

510
00:25:32,322 --> 00:25:33,323
Yeah.

511
00:25:33,407 --> 00:25:34,700
That's not my personality.

512
00:25:34,783 --> 00:25:36,952
If my daughter were asking me...

513
00:25:38,203 --> 00:25:40,247
(Flaughs) Yes?

514
00:25:40,330 --> 00:25:44,960
I would say if you want
someone, if you really want them,

515
00:25:45,461 --> 00:25:46,795
go get them.

516
00:25:48,464 --> 00:25:50,299
I do really want him.

517
00:25:51,759 --> 00:25:53,761
So, uh, here you go.

518
00:25:53,844 --> 00:25:56,055
Great. Hope it's all right.

519
00:25:56,138 --> 00:25:57,139
I'm sure it's fine.

520
00:25:58,098 --> 00:26:00,642
The guy who was in here
earlier, interviewed after me,

521
00:26:00,726 --> 00:26:01,935
how'd he do?

522
00:26:02,019 --> 00:26:03,437
Howard klein? No, no, no, no.

523
00:26:03,520 --> 00:26:04,813
That's not who
I'm talking about.

524
00:26:05,314 --> 00:26:07,316
Oh. Deshawn Williams.

525
00:26:07,399 --> 00:26:08,942
Yes. How did he do?

526
00:26:09,026 --> 00:26:11,487
He's an amazing man.
He's a rhodes scholar.

527
00:26:11,570 --> 00:26:15,407
He invented an app that
invents apps. Fantastic kisser.

528
00:26:15,491 --> 00:26:17,910
Come on, man. I'm
being serious. Don'tjoke.

529
00:26:18,077 --> 00:26:19,244
Darryl, we all know you.

530
00:26:19,328 --> 00:26:21,789
Your interview is not nearly
as important as the other guy's.

531
00:26:24,708 --> 00:26:27,419
First I'll take down
the cubicle walls.

532
00:26:27,503 --> 00:26:29,797
But there aren't...
Symbol of transparency.

533
00:26:29,922 --> 00:26:31,507
There'd be no titles.

534
00:26:32,424 --> 00:26:33,842
Everyone has the same job.

535
00:26:34,384 --> 00:26:35,761
Same goes for me.

536
00:26:36,178 --> 00:26:39,598
I'll take your job,
but I'd reject the title.

537
00:26:39,681 --> 00:26:40,724
A little unspecific.

538
00:26:40,808 --> 00:26:44,186
Everyone would be known
for their accomplishments.

539
00:26:44,812 --> 00:26:46,980
That's very interesting. Um...

540
00:26:47,064 --> 00:26:49,066
Ifeelhke there might
be a conflict there,

541
00:26:49,191 --> 00:26:51,944
and if a conflict did arise,
how would that be dealt with?

542
00:26:52,027 --> 00:26:53,862
Oh. Yeah.

543
00:26:55,030 --> 00:26:56,073
Hmm.

544
00:26:56,156 --> 00:26:58,437
Scratch everything from
before. I'll tell you what I'd do.

545
00:26:58,534 --> 00:26:59,827
Go the other way.

546
00:27:00,369 --> 00:27:01,787
More cubicles.

547
00:27:02,204 --> 00:27:03,330
More division.

548
00:27:04,039 --> 00:27:07,209
Everyone is somebody's boss,

549
00:27:07,376 --> 00:27:10,796
and that person can fire
the person below them.

550
00:27:10,879 --> 00:27:15,551
And once a month, the
lowest-performing person...

551
00:27:15,634 --> 00:27:16,635
(Makes cutting noise)

552
00:27:17,302 --> 00:27:18,303
Bye-bye.

553
00:27:18,387 --> 00:27:21,682
How would you compare
like an accountant and hr?

554
00:27:21,765 --> 00:27:23,725
Well, I'll tell
you how, shall I?

555
00:27:23,851 --> 00:27:25,477
I'll tell you how. Okay.

556
00:27:25,644 --> 00:27:27,771
By splitting the difference.

557
00:27:28,147 --> 00:27:30,691
Just somewhere in the middle.

558
00:27:30,816 --> 00:27:32,943
I think that's probably
all we need to hear from...

559
00:27:33,026 --> 00:27:34,069
Zen office.

560
00:27:35,988 --> 00:27:38,115
Thought of that?
That's what I'd do.

561
00:27:38,615 --> 00:27:41,577
Everyone takes their shoes
off before they come in.

562
00:27:41,994 --> 00:27:45,080
Okay? There'd be no desks.
You just sit on the floor.

563
00:27:45,789 --> 00:27:47,082
That's very...

564
00:27:47,166 --> 00:27:49,168
You've got a Thai
woman out in the back...

565
00:27:49,418 --> 00:27:50,586
Saki.

566
00:27:50,919 --> 00:27:52,421
Okay. Saki.

567
00:27:52,504 --> 00:27:53,714
That's not...

568
00:27:53,797 --> 00:27:55,507
Saki is her name, okay?

569
00:27:55,591 --> 00:27:58,677
She's administering massage,
all right, if you need it.

570
00:27:58,760 --> 00:28:01,555
If you don't, whatever. Just
talk to her. She's a person.

571
00:28:02,222 --> 00:28:04,766
Either way, 15 minutes
of that, and you...

572
00:28:05,767 --> 00:28:07,936
You are cracking to go.

573
00:28:08,770 --> 00:28:09,771
(Clears throat)

574
00:28:09,855 --> 00:28:11,523
Office of the future.

575
00:28:12,900 --> 00:28:14,985
Like the inside
of a virgin airplane.

576
00:28:15,319 --> 00:28:17,988
Telecommuting, all right?
Everyone's at home.

577
00:28:18,071 --> 00:28:21,575
The office is just a big empty
space. It's just full of screens.

578
00:28:22,576 --> 00:28:26,371
Sony. Sony. Everything's
just Sony, made of Sony.

579
00:28:26,455 --> 00:28:27,456
From Sony.

580
00:28:27,539 --> 00:28:29,100
I don't think that's how
telecommuting works.

581
00:28:29,124 --> 00:28:35,422
And then we sell tickets to tourists
for them to see the office of the future.

582
00:28:35,839 --> 00:28:37,591
Okay. Wow. Cutting edge.

583
00:28:37,674 --> 00:28:40,928
You have to hire me.

584
00:28:41,011 --> 00:28:42,679
There's no ideas left.

585
00:28:43,430 --> 00:28:45,974
That's all the ideas there is.

586
00:28:46,266 --> 00:28:49,519
There's a lot more
where they came from.

587
00:28:56,235 --> 00:28:58,862
Jim, what can you tell us?
Is there a frontrunner?

588
00:28:58,946 --> 00:29:01,546
You know what? They all just
sort of blend together after a while.

589
00:29:02,324 --> 00:29:03,968
Well, there must be
someone who stands out.

590
00:29:03,992 --> 00:29:06,912
No, not at all. In fact, I'm
not even taking it seriously.

591
00:29:06,995 --> 00:29:09,474
I think at the end of the day, I'm
just gonna pick a name out of the hat.

592
00:29:09,498 --> 00:29:10,499
Oscar: Well...

593
00:29:10,582 --> 00:29:12,251
The hell you will!

594
00:29:12,334 --> 00:29:14,753
I worked for the last
boss for 15 years.

595
00:29:14,836 --> 00:29:17,547
According to my doctor, I
don't have another 15 years

596
00:29:17,631 --> 00:29:20,801
if I wanna keep up the same
dietary and sexual lifestyle,

597
00:29:20,884 --> 00:29:21,969
which I intend to.

598
00:29:22,052 --> 00:29:24,429
Oh, no, Stanley.
You'll live forever.

599
00:29:24,513 --> 00:29:28,100
My next boss will be my last
boss. He'll be at my funeral.

600
00:29:28,183 --> 00:29:31,603
So I would appreciate it if
you would take this seriously.

601
00:29:33,814 --> 00:29:36,817
You pick a crappy boss, you're
responsible for my crappy life.

602
00:29:36,900 --> 00:29:38,777
Okay, everybody.
I was just making a joke.

603
00:29:38,860 --> 00:29:40,570
I am taking it seriously.
I promise.

604
00:29:40,654 --> 00:29:42,155
Are you?

605
00:29:43,657 --> 00:29:47,369
Little advice? Take a day
off from the whole Jim shtick.

606
00:29:47,619 --> 00:29:49,329
Try caring about something.

607
00:29:49,621 --> 00:29:52,666
You might like
how it feels, James.

608
00:29:58,630 --> 00:30:00,632
Gabe, honey!

609
00:30:00,716 --> 00:30:01,717
(Dog barks)

610
00:30:02,050 --> 00:30:04,177
Oh, lord. Take all this.

611
00:30:04,261 --> 00:30:05,304
All right.

612
00:30:05,387 --> 00:30:06,388
Here.

613
00:30:16,898 --> 00:30:17,899
Jim.

614
00:30:18,066 --> 00:30:19,346
Did you hear stern this morning?

615
00:30:19,401 --> 00:30:21,486
No. Was he good?
Uh, Robin was good.

616
00:30:21,570 --> 00:30:23,613
She's always good.
Keeps him on his toes.

617
00:30:23,697 --> 00:30:25,032
It's Howard's show, though.

618
00:30:25,407 --> 00:30:26,575
Whose is this?

619
00:30:27,117 --> 00:30:28,243
Darryl philbin.

620
00:30:28,452 --> 00:30:31,580
Oh. Very nice to see
a familiar face on top.

621
00:30:32,039 --> 00:30:35,667
My, a little long,
aren't we? Four pages?

622
00:30:35,751 --> 00:30:37,002
Is this the same Darryl philbin

623
00:30:37,085 --> 00:30:39,921
who's had two jobs in
10 years at one company?

624
00:30:40,005 --> 00:30:45,719
Yes, thanks to you who promoted
me after we, uh, interfaced.

625
00:30:46,094 --> 00:30:48,722
"Coordinated and
implemented receipt, storage,

626
00:30:48,805 --> 00:30:52,934
"and delivery of over 2.5
billion units of inventory."

627
00:30:53,018 --> 00:30:56,897
2.5 billion, Darryl? 2.5
billion units of what?

628
00:30:57,647 --> 00:30:59,608
Paper material, ma'am.

629
00:31:00,150 --> 00:31:01,318
Paper material?

630
00:31:01,443 --> 00:31:02,444
Pieces of paper.

631
00:31:03,278 --> 00:31:05,030
Anybody have a calculator?

632
00:31:08,617 --> 00:31:09,743
You figure what?

633
00:31:10,452 --> 00:31:13,622
Five hundred sheets
a ream, 24 reams a case,

634
00:31:14,164 --> 00:31:15,624
how long you worked here...

635
00:31:19,044 --> 00:31:22,047
I can see how you
landed in that ballpark.

636
00:31:22,255 --> 00:31:26,968
Laid end to end, it's enough to almost
stretch 60% of the way to the moon.

637
00:31:27,344 --> 00:31:30,597
I think this resume almost
stretches halfway to the moon.

638
00:31:31,473 --> 00:31:33,975
(Clears throat) Jo, may I
speak to you for a second?

639
00:31:34,059 --> 00:31:35,685
Or what? You gonna shoot me?

640
00:31:35,769 --> 00:31:37,896
(Laughs)

641
00:31:38,188 --> 00:31:40,565
Oh, I enjoy laughing
at my mistakes

642
00:31:40,649 --> 00:31:42,984
because I've learned
so much from them.

643
00:31:43,652 --> 00:31:45,338
I'd like to be interviewed
for the position.

644
00:31:45,362 --> 00:31:46,613
I'll interview you right now.

645
00:31:46,696 --> 00:31:48,240
Okay. Question one.

646
00:31:48,323 --> 00:31:49,825
Ever shot a gun in the office?

647
00:31:51,827 --> 00:31:53,036
It's complicated.

648
00:31:53,120 --> 00:31:55,163
Yeah, but see, it's not.

649
00:31:57,165 --> 00:31:59,960
I will not give up. I won't
even be discouraged.

650
00:32:00,043 --> 00:32:03,755
Why? Because managing
this office is my destiny.

651
00:32:05,215 --> 00:32:07,426
My only potential obstacle is

652
00:32:07,509 --> 00:32:11,096
if becoming manager is
someone else's destiny as well.

653
00:32:12,389 --> 00:32:15,016
But, hey, if this is a
case of clashing destinies,

654
00:32:15,684 --> 00:32:16,852
enjoy the show.

655
00:32:17,519 --> 00:32:18,746
I don't think
we should tell her.

656
00:32:18,770 --> 00:32:21,490
Angela went a whole day without
telling me I had lettuce in my teeth.

657
00:32:21,523 --> 00:32:22,607
Screw her.

658
00:32:22,691 --> 00:32:24,276
I'm a woman.
I would want to know.

659
00:32:24,359 --> 00:32:25,378
Meredith: Yeah. You gotta know.

660
00:32:25,402 --> 00:32:29,281
Okay. But if Angela can
get a gay man to marry her,

661
00:32:29,698 --> 00:32:32,826
maybe I could get
a lesbian to marry me. Huh?

662
00:32:33,702 --> 00:32:34,744
Huh? That's hot.

663
00:32:34,828 --> 00:32:36,621
You have met a
lesbian in real life, right?

664
00:32:37,747 --> 00:32:41,543
What we should warn her about is
that the whole institution of marriage

665
00:32:41,960 --> 00:32:43,128
is corrupt. That's the lie.

666
00:32:43,211 --> 00:32:44,355
Okay, we're not
talking about that.

667
00:32:44,379 --> 00:32:45,659
We're not talking
about marriage.

668
00:32:45,714 --> 00:32:49,134
You know, this probably is
her last chance at a family.

669
00:32:50,177 --> 00:32:52,095
She does seem happy.

670
00:32:52,888 --> 00:32:54,556
You're right. You're right.

671
00:32:54,639 --> 00:32:56,850
She seems happy.
We don't tell her.

672
00:32:57,392 --> 00:32:58,643
We don't tell her. Pam: Okay.

673
00:32:59,936 --> 00:33:02,189
So what else
should we gossip about?

674
00:33:02,272 --> 00:33:06,234
I know, like who's gonna
be the new manager, right?

675
00:33:06,318 --> 00:33:07,611
Will it be...

676
00:33:10,071 --> 00:33:12,908
Me? Yes. Yes, it will.

677
00:33:13,325 --> 00:33:14,326
Yeah, right.

678
00:33:14,659 --> 00:33:16,328
Excuse me, Ms. Bennett,
may I have a word?

679
00:33:16,411 --> 00:33:17,496
Okay.

680
00:33:17,579 --> 00:33:18,872
Uh, can it be in private?

681
00:33:18,955 --> 00:33:20,749
Don't worry. It's not about you.

682
00:33:24,503 --> 00:33:26,671
As minority executive,
I think it's my responsibility

683
00:33:26,755 --> 00:33:28,715
to let you know
that Gabe is gross.

684
00:33:28,798 --> 00:33:30,091
I don't think it's professional

685
00:33:30,175 --> 00:33:31,444
that he was sleeping
with the receptionist,

686
00:33:31,468 --> 00:33:33,821
and then when Erin dumped
him so that she could be with Andy,

687
00:33:33,845 --> 00:33:36,681
he became a total
crazy stalker psycho.

688
00:33:36,765 --> 00:33:40,227
Welcome to Scranton, Jo, land
of 1,000 problems only you can fix.

689
00:33:40,310 --> 00:33:41,895
(Cell phone buzzes)

690
00:33:43,605 --> 00:33:45,440
Oh, for god's sake.

691
00:33:46,900 --> 00:33:47,901
(Jo sighs)

692
00:33:48,360 --> 00:33:51,404
He's texting me his resume
one line at a time.

693
00:33:53,073 --> 00:33:56,451
These are costing me 10
cents apiece, you jackass.

694
00:33:56,535 --> 00:33:57,536
I'm roaming!

695
00:34:00,080 --> 00:34:02,832
Get me our biggest client
on the phone, right this instant.

696
00:34:08,463 --> 00:34:10,006
Who is our biggest client?

697
00:34:10,090 --> 00:34:11,466
Uh, just put him through to me.

698
00:34:13,009 --> 00:34:14,010
Okay.

699
00:34:14,511 --> 00:34:15,887
(Telephone rings)

700
00:34:15,971 --> 00:34:17,722
Hello, this is the client.

701
00:34:17,806 --> 00:34:18,974
It's creed.

702
00:34:19,182 --> 00:34:22,644
Fyi. I'm starting
my own paper company.

703
00:34:22,894 --> 00:34:25,188
Looking to poach
some chumps. You in?

704
00:34:25,272 --> 00:34:26,815
Yes. (Chuckles)

705
00:34:26,898 --> 00:34:29,985
Cool! Let's keep
this on the q.T., okay?

706
00:34:30,068 --> 00:34:32,571
I don't want you to
be a dead mamma jamma.

707
00:34:32,654 --> 00:34:34,197
Great. Bye-bye.

708
00:34:36,283 --> 00:34:37,284
(Sighs)

709
00:34:39,744 --> 00:34:42,122
Get me our second
biggest client.

710
00:34:42,205 --> 00:34:43,790
This is great. I love work.

711
00:34:46,293 --> 00:34:47,377
Again?

712
00:34:50,505 --> 00:34:51,548
Hold, please.

713
00:34:51,631 --> 00:34:52,882
(Telephone rings)

714
00:34:54,509 --> 00:34:55,594
Hello?

715
00:34:56,261 --> 00:34:57,262
Who is this?

716
00:34:57,345 --> 00:34:59,431
This is your
second biggest client.

717
00:35:00,849 --> 00:35:05,353
I want you to listen very carefully.
I'm gonna sing you a song.

718
00:35:07,439 --> 00:35:09,733
(Scatting)

719
00:35:18,199 --> 00:35:19,659
Jo, you have one more candidate.

720
00:35:19,826 --> 00:35:21,953
Huh? He's a burn victim.

721
00:35:22,871 --> 00:35:24,039
He's all messed up.

722
00:35:24,623 --> 00:35:26,249
I can tell him to
get lost if you want.

723
00:35:26,333 --> 00:35:27,667
No. Send him in.

724
00:35:28,918 --> 00:35:30,170
Who is this?

725
00:35:31,463 --> 00:35:33,798
I have no idea. I know this guy.

726
00:35:42,641 --> 00:35:46,394
Hello, Mr. Souvenier.
Mr. Jacques souvenier?

727
00:35:46,936 --> 00:35:48,772
Nice to meet you.
It says here you're French?

728
00:35:49,189 --> 00:35:51,566
So you worked at your
last job for 15 years

729
00:35:51,650 --> 00:35:53,568
as assistant to
the regional manager.

730
00:35:53,652 --> 00:35:54,819
Assistant regional manager.

731
00:35:54,903 --> 00:35:56,047
Assistant to the
regional manager.

732
00:35:56,071 --> 00:35:58,073
Assistant regional manager.
What is it?

733
00:35:58,156 --> 00:35:59,908
(With accent)
Assistant regional manager.

734
00:35:59,991 --> 00:36:01,576
That's my mistake.
Sorry about that.

735
00:36:01,660 --> 00:36:03,980
The last paper company you
worked for burned to the ground?

736
00:36:04,037 --> 00:36:07,248
And all because they wouldn't hire a
manager who lived and breathed paper.

737
00:36:07,540 --> 00:36:08,541
Jim: That's a travesty.

738
00:36:09,000 --> 00:36:11,044
I wanna talk to Dwight
schrute for a second.

739
00:36:11,419 --> 00:36:12,671
I wanna ask him a question.

740
00:36:12,754 --> 00:36:13,838
Get Dwight.

741
00:36:13,922 --> 00:36:15,840
If he isn't here
in 60 seconds...

742
00:36:17,884 --> 00:36:20,762
Wait, wait!
No. Stop, stop. Jo...

743
00:36:22,889 --> 00:36:24,265
It's me. I'm Dwight.

744
00:36:27,227 --> 00:36:28,687
No. Wait. But...

745
00:36:28,770 --> 00:36:30,605
I mean, you're
Dwight and then...

746
00:36:31,064 --> 00:36:32,273
He's the...

747
00:36:32,607 --> 00:36:33,608
Yeah.

748
00:36:36,695 --> 00:36:39,948
Very unprofessional, Jacques.
Or should I say Dwight?

749
00:36:40,740 --> 00:36:44,786
Let's just say I had hired this
Jacques souvenier. Then what?

750
00:36:44,869 --> 00:36:46,305
I would have dressed
this way every day,

751
00:36:46,329 --> 00:36:47,622
legally changed my name,

752
00:36:47,706 --> 00:36:49,749
learned French sign
language, shown up,

753
00:36:49,833 --> 00:36:53,461
and been the best damn
branch manager you'd ever seen.

754
00:36:53,545 --> 00:36:55,463
All that for this job. Yes.

755
00:36:57,632 --> 00:36:58,967
That's (bleep) Crazy.

756
00:37:00,719 --> 00:37:02,053
Get out of here.

757
00:37:05,348 --> 00:37:07,475
(Door slams) What a nut job.

758
00:37:10,395 --> 00:37:13,231
This guy was good.
Although he did keep saying

759
00:37:13,314 --> 00:37:15,126
that he needed two weeks off
right at the beginning

760
00:37:15,150 --> 00:37:16,860
for a trip to the finger lakes.

761
00:37:16,943 --> 00:37:18,695
Seriously, every five
minutes he was like,

762
00:37:18,778 --> 00:37:20,506
"hey, just making sure the
finger lakes thing is clear."

763
00:37:20,530 --> 00:37:24,576
Okay. It's fun to talk about the
rejects, but who's got you excited?

764
00:37:24,659 --> 00:37:25,994
Finger lakes guy is good.

765
00:37:26,453 --> 00:37:28,246
Darryl is also very good.

766
00:37:28,788 --> 00:37:31,750
You know, I just wish we'd find a
candidate that knows the company

767
00:37:31,833 --> 00:37:34,627
as well as, say, some of
the people on this committee,

768
00:37:34,711 --> 00:37:36,588
you know, who've been
here for a long time.

769
00:37:36,963 --> 00:37:37,964
Interesting.

770
00:37:38,339 --> 00:37:41,593
It'd be a demotion for Gabe
and Jim's not interested, so...

771
00:37:42,761 --> 00:37:44,929
Are you trying to tell me
you should be manager?

772
00:37:45,013 --> 00:37:46,347
You pulling a dick Cheney?

773
00:37:46,890 --> 00:37:50,852
No, I'm just saying if
we can't find someone...

774
00:37:51,728 --> 00:37:53,188
Yeah, sure, I could do it.

775
00:37:54,731 --> 00:37:57,233
You're funny.
Little dick Cheney.

776
00:37:58,193 --> 00:38:00,361
You want it? Ask for it.

777
00:38:01,154 --> 00:38:02,864
Say you're the
best man for the job.

778
00:38:07,035 --> 00:38:11,039
I would work really hard, and,
I mean, you could do worse.

779
00:38:11,956 --> 00:38:14,459
'Cause... for god's sake.

780
00:38:14,709 --> 00:38:16,878
Who's this fellow?
Went to Cornell.

781
00:38:17,545 --> 00:38:18,588
What's wrong with him?

782
00:38:18,671 --> 00:38:19,798
How much time do you have?

783
00:38:20,298 --> 00:38:21,883
Sales ability, none.

784
00:38:22,217 --> 00:38:24,135
Integrity? See sales ability.

785
00:38:24,803 --> 00:38:27,096
And that's your unbiased
opinion. Yes, it is.

786
00:38:27,180 --> 00:38:30,058
So it's not relevant that he took
the receptionist away from you.

787
00:38:30,683 --> 00:38:33,603
Oh, Jo. Jo,
I'm disappointed in you.

788
00:38:33,686 --> 00:38:36,314
Some people let personal
things into the work...

789
00:38:36,397 --> 00:38:38,292
Is she with him? Because
I thought that she's just...

790
00:38:38,316 --> 00:38:40,068
Gabe! (Sighs)

791
00:38:40,944 --> 00:38:44,030
Back when I bought this
place, I was looking for a ghost.

792
00:38:44,572 --> 00:38:47,158
Somebody to flitter around,
spooking people,

793
00:38:47,242 --> 00:38:49,869
keeping them on their toes,
and then disappear.

794
00:38:50,161 --> 00:38:52,872
My girlfriend said she knew a
man who looked like a ghost,

795
00:38:53,122 --> 00:38:54,624
and he went to business school.

796
00:38:55,166 --> 00:38:57,168
But a ghost ain't
supposed to date people.

797
00:38:57,252 --> 00:38:59,003
You think you're beetlejuice?
No.

798
00:38:59,087 --> 00:39:01,714
I'm no beetlejuice.
You're no good to me up here.

799
00:39:02,298 --> 00:39:05,593
You got all close to these
people, got involved in their lives.

800
00:39:06,302 --> 00:39:07,637
Let's get you back to Florida.

801
00:39:08,096 --> 00:39:09,456
We'll figure out
something for you.

802
00:39:09,889 --> 00:39:11,015
Thatsounds like a promotion.

803
00:39:11,099 --> 00:39:12,141
It's not.

804
00:39:12,475 --> 00:39:14,519
Let's get Kelly in
here to take his place.

805
00:39:14,602 --> 00:39:15,854
Uh, why Kelly?

806
00:39:16,062 --> 00:39:18,147
'Cause Gabe's tall and weak.
She's short and strong.

807
00:39:18,231 --> 00:39:19,440
I'm doing an opposites thing.

808
00:39:20,650 --> 00:39:21,651
Okay.

809
00:39:21,901 --> 00:39:23,361
How'd my girl Nelly do?

810
00:39:23,444 --> 00:39:24,863
Oh, I didn't know you knew her.

811
00:39:24,946 --> 00:39:26,573
She didn't mention it?

812
00:39:26,698 --> 00:39:28,908
The integrity move. I like it.

813
00:39:29,284 --> 00:39:32,161
Yeah, we met at some dumb
women in business seminar.

814
00:39:32,704 --> 00:39:35,039
I was the speaker, and
she was the only person there

815
00:39:35,123 --> 00:39:37,750
who wasn't trying to
sell some curves ripoff.

816
00:39:38,626 --> 00:39:40,503
You know, she also
gave me reason to think

817
00:39:40,587 --> 00:39:42,380
that maybe she
wasn't a good fit.

818
00:39:42,463 --> 00:39:44,299
Well, I'm not saying
you must hire her.

819
00:39:44,465 --> 00:39:47,552
If you find someone
who's clearly a fit, then fine.

820
00:39:47,635 --> 00:39:49,470
Just make sure
they fit real good.

821
00:39:49,637 --> 00:39:52,432
No more manager turnover.
Don't mess this up, Jim.

822
00:39:54,142 --> 00:39:55,727
And give Dwight an interview.

823
00:39:56,227 --> 00:39:58,187
I like a little bit of crazy.

824
00:40:01,274 --> 00:40:02,275
(Squeals)

825
00:40:02,442 --> 00:40:03,860
Erin, what are you doing?

826
00:40:03,943 --> 00:40:05,695
I've been turned into a puppet.

827
00:40:05,778 --> 00:40:07,447
Okay. (Chuckles)

828
00:40:07,530 --> 00:40:09,991
Look at the puppet. Hi, puppet.

829
00:40:10,158 --> 00:40:11,159
Who are you?

830
00:40:11,451 --> 00:40:13,578
I was going to put
on a puppet show today

831
00:40:13,661 --> 00:40:17,165
to warn people about the faulty
outlet behind the fax machine.

832
00:40:18,583 --> 00:40:19,918
But change of plan.

833
00:40:20,585 --> 00:40:22,670
I went to drop off
the fedex forms,

834
00:40:22,962 --> 00:40:26,841
and an evil witch named
Angela turned me into a puppet!

835
00:40:26,925 --> 00:40:30,428
(Chuckles) Yeah.
Low blow, puppet.

836
00:40:30,929 --> 00:40:35,266
And there's only one thing that
can change me back into a real girl.

837
00:40:36,225 --> 00:40:37,310
It's good.

838
00:40:37,852 --> 00:40:41,522
It's just that I wish the puppets
would talk more about the alphabet.

839
00:40:42,023 --> 00:40:45,902
Not for me, but if
any kids are watching.

840
00:40:46,486 --> 00:40:49,280
A, b... and so forth.

841
00:40:49,781 --> 00:40:50,949
You know.

842
00:40:51,532 --> 00:40:54,118
M, n, I, o, p.

843
00:40:59,290 --> 00:41:02,251
Ineed the most special
thing in the office.

844
00:41:02,335 --> 00:41:03,335
Shence?

845
00:41:03,378 --> 00:41:05,672
A date with the best salesman,

846
00:41:06,589 --> 00:41:08,841
Andy Bernard!

847
00:41:11,886 --> 00:41:12,887
(Chuckles nervously)

848
00:41:18,101 --> 00:41:19,602
Hey, enn.

849
00:41:21,020 --> 00:41:23,106
Where'd you learn
how to puppet like that?

850
00:41:23,314 --> 00:41:25,209
I've done it all my life.
Listen, I'm really flattered,

851
00:41:25,233 --> 00:41:26,401
but I don't think we should.

852
00:41:33,032 --> 00:41:35,952
Erin's my best friend in
this office, hands down.

853
00:41:36,911 --> 00:41:38,037
But

854
00:41:38,579 --> 00:41:41,666
when she asked me out, I just
didn't have that feeling, you know?

855
00:41:41,749 --> 00:41:44,002
Aren't there some things
that you really want to like

856
00:41:44,085 --> 00:41:46,963
but you just can't
seem to like it?

857
00:41:47,046 --> 00:41:50,091
Like mad men or football.

858
00:41:51,050 --> 00:41:53,344
Let's not forget. Erin
chose Gabe over me.

859
00:41:53,428 --> 00:41:54,679
Thathappened.

860
00:41:55,930 --> 00:41:59,559
I'm not gonna apologize
for getting over her, okay?

861
00:42:00,768 --> 00:42:04,397
I'm sorry. I would go for
someone who's more...

862
00:42:06,607 --> 00:42:07,984
She's great, though.

863
00:42:14,615 --> 00:42:17,910
Hey, Jim. Elevator man.
Hey. Yup. All right.

864
00:42:17,994 --> 00:42:19,787
So, listen.

865
00:42:20,413 --> 00:42:24,417
Ifeelhke I came off terribly
today, and I want to just start over.

866
00:42:24,500 --> 00:42:26,544
What can I do?
Should I call Jo or...

867
00:42:26,669 --> 00:42:28,605
Maybe have my old boss
call her. Listen, listen, listen.

868
00:42:28,629 --> 00:42:30,548
This isn't you, okay?

869
00:42:30,631 --> 00:42:34,218
The Darryl we all love,
he's calm, he's confident.

870
00:42:34,302 --> 00:42:36,262
So, just be that guy. Okay.

871
00:42:36,345 --> 00:42:38,014
All right? Okay, yeah.

872
00:42:38,097 --> 00:42:39,474
I was thinking that. All right.

873
00:42:40,058 --> 00:42:41,851
Yup. Thanks. Means a lot.

874
00:42:41,934 --> 00:42:42,935
Of course.

875
00:42:43,186 --> 00:42:46,731
Stanley, I won't be able to
invite everyone to the wedding,

876
00:42:46,814 --> 00:42:48,900
because we wanna keep it to 350.

877
00:42:48,983 --> 00:42:50,234
I'll get over it.

878
00:42:50,318 --> 00:42:52,361
I mean, we just have to
see how many senators

879
00:42:52,445 --> 00:42:54,697
and members of congress
want to attend

880
00:42:54,781 --> 00:42:57,200
before we can open it
up to regular people.

881
00:42:57,992 --> 00:43:00,912
Pam, you know how you and
Jim did your ironic wedding?

882
00:43:00,995 --> 00:43:03,955
Do you still have the plans for the
dream wedding that you couldn't afford?

883
00:43:04,457 --> 00:43:05,792
That was our dream wedding.

884
00:43:06,834 --> 00:43:08,169
Niagara Falls?

885
00:43:08,836 --> 00:43:11,130
Pregnant? That was your dream?

886
00:43:12,006 --> 00:43:13,382
Pork medallions?

887
00:43:15,927 --> 00:43:20,014
I hope you have a very
beautiful wedding, Angela.

888
00:43:22,517 --> 00:43:25,561
So, Angela, are you looking
forward to your wedding night?

889
00:43:26,270 --> 00:43:29,190
What goes on in our bedroom
is none of your business, Phyllis.

890
00:43:29,524 --> 00:43:30,858
Or yours.

891
00:43:34,737 --> 00:43:38,533
Oscar, you build up
these enemies in your head

892
00:43:38,699 --> 00:43:40,576
and you want to see them suffer.

893
00:43:41,119 --> 00:43:44,080
But the thing is, you don't.

894
00:43:45,832 --> 00:43:47,375
You don't.

895
00:43:51,587 --> 00:43:53,381
Oh, Oscar.

896
00:43:54,715 --> 00:43:56,259
All right.

897
00:43:56,342 --> 00:43:57,969
Name. Dwight schrute.

898
00:43:58,052 --> 00:44:00,263
Thank you, Mr. Schnoot.
We will let you know.

899
00:44:00,638 --> 00:44:02,348
You have to interview me.
I just did.

900
00:44:02,431 --> 00:44:05,059
The answer to that one question
told me everything I need to know.

901
00:44:05,393 --> 00:44:06,519
How did I do? To be honest,

902
00:44:06,602 --> 00:44:09,564
I'm leaning towards another man.
His name is Jacques souvenier.

903
00:44:09,647 --> 00:44:12,316
But would you like
to be his number two?

904
00:44:12,400 --> 00:44:16,320
God, it's gonna be hard,
but, yeah, I would do it.

905
00:44:16,487 --> 00:44:17,840
Okay, well, there's
a lot to think about,

906
00:44:17,864 --> 00:44:19,949
so we will get back to you.

907
00:44:20,032 --> 00:44:21,242
I demand more questions.

908
00:44:21,325 --> 00:44:22,785
All right, guys. Good day.

909
00:44:22,869 --> 00:44:24,412
A lot of candidates.
Let's discuss.

910
00:44:24,537 --> 00:44:26,473
Okay, if you're not gonna
interview me, thenl1ldoit

911
00:44:26,497 --> 00:44:27,540
yes.

912
00:44:28,166 --> 00:44:29,917
What will be
your first priority?

913
00:44:31,085 --> 00:44:33,713
I will have seven
first priorities.

914
00:44:33,796 --> 00:44:36,048
Safety, profits,

915
00:44:36,507 --> 00:44:39,844
fostering a community of
self-reliance and entrepreneurship,

916
00:44:40,261 --> 00:44:43,014
listening, respect
for human life,

917
00:44:43,681 --> 00:44:48,019
bolstering our public image, and
getting everyone home on time.

918
00:44:49,103 --> 00:44:50,855
Dwight, let me be frank,

919
00:44:50,980 --> 00:44:52,773
in an accident that
no one can blame you for,

920
00:44:52,857 --> 00:44:55,943
an antique gun was discharged
while you were acting manager.

921
00:44:56,277 --> 00:44:58,237
How are we ever
to trust you again?

922
00:45:01,866 --> 00:45:02,867
That's a great question.

923
00:45:04,702 --> 00:45:09,707
I am going to institute a strict
"no firearms" policy for this office

924
00:45:09,790 --> 00:45:12,293
that extends to myself as well.

925
00:45:12,668 --> 00:45:15,588
Wow. All of my
concerns are disappearing.

926
00:45:15,880 --> 00:45:17,632
Thank you, Dwight. Thank you.

927
00:45:20,218 --> 00:45:21,219
(Clears throat)

928
00:45:22,094 --> 00:45:24,513
You'll be hearing from
us shortly, Mr. Schrute,

929
00:45:24,805 --> 00:45:27,558
and I think you're going to like
the call you're going to receive.

930
00:45:28,184 --> 00:45:29,685
Oh, come on.

931
00:45:31,646 --> 00:45:33,522
I'm just happy
that I got this meeting.

932
00:45:36,651 --> 00:45:37,902
(Door closes)

933
00:45:37,985 --> 00:45:39,153
Well, that was quick.

934
00:45:39,237 --> 00:45:42,365
(Sighs) Very, very interesting.

935
00:45:43,074 --> 00:45:45,159
And you know what?
I'm impressed.

936
00:45:45,743 --> 00:45:46,953
He's not a real candidate.

937
00:45:47,036 --> 00:45:48,972
I don't know, Jim, 'cause it
makes me think about something

938
00:45:48,996 --> 00:45:50,331
that my grandfather used to say,

939
00:45:50,414 --> 00:45:53,417
which is that sometimes the
hand that jumps out of the grave

940
00:45:53,501 --> 00:45:55,002
and grabs you around the throat,

941
00:45:55,086 --> 00:45:57,463
that is the hand that
you want on the wheel.

942
00:45:57,546 --> 00:45:59,590
You took the deal.
Yeah. It was a great deal.

943
00:45:59,674 --> 00:46:00,925
That's not okay.

944
00:46:01,008 --> 00:46:03,088
I don't know, Dwight seems
like a great leader to me,

945
00:46:03,135 --> 00:46:06,472
and I look forward to the personal
perks that he promised me privately.

946
00:46:06,555 --> 00:46:07,765
What do you think, Toby?

947
00:46:07,848 --> 00:46:09,493
Well, we could try him
out for a little while,

948
00:46:09,517 --> 00:46:13,980
and if it doesn't work out, you know,
maybe one of us could, you know, step in.

949
00:46:14,689 --> 00:46:16,315
What is happening right now?

950
00:46:18,985 --> 00:46:21,362
Is it true that you're
making Dwight the manager?

951
00:46:21,445 --> 00:46:22,780
No. Why would you think that?

952
00:46:22,863 --> 00:46:25,157
Well, he and Kelly said,
then they pre-fired me.

953
00:46:25,241 --> 00:46:26,242
Okay.

954
00:46:29,537 --> 00:46:32,290
Okay, guys, just so you all
know, no decision has been made.

955
00:46:32,373 --> 00:46:34,709
And Dwight is definitely
not the boss.

956
00:46:34,792 --> 00:46:37,628
That is correct actually,
Dwight is not the manager yet.

957
00:46:37,712 --> 00:46:40,089
No, no, no, noteven 'cause
that's not gonna happen.

958
00:46:40,172 --> 00:46:42,049
Well, it's not entirely
up to you, is it?

959
00:46:42,133 --> 00:46:44,802
Seems to me like someone
is getting a little power mad.

960
00:46:44,885 --> 00:46:47,513
Am I the only one who remembers
what he did when he was in charge?

961
00:46:47,596 --> 00:46:49,157
I feel like I'm going
a little bit crazy.

962
00:46:49,181 --> 00:46:52,059
Tuna, you're completely sane.
Thank you.

963
00:46:52,268 --> 00:46:53,644
Who do you like for the job?

964
00:46:53,936 --> 00:46:56,731
Is there anyone who maybe
was a little underwhelming at first

965
00:46:56,814 --> 00:47:01,485
but now seems like a safe, if
not slightly unexciting, choice?

966
00:47:01,610 --> 00:47:04,947
Okay. It seems like everybody
has an opinion, so who else?

967
00:47:05,031 --> 00:47:06,449
Anybody? Do you mean it?

968
00:47:06,532 --> 00:47:08,701
Anybody? Are you sure?

969
00:47:08,784 --> 00:47:10,202
I suppose I am.

970
00:47:10,286 --> 00:47:13,831
Okay. Well, what do
I want in a manager?

971
00:47:14,415 --> 00:47:16,208
Let me see.

972
00:47:17,585 --> 00:47:20,087
What do I want?

973
00:47:20,755 --> 00:47:21,922
I don't think he meant...

974
00:47:22,048 --> 00:47:24,842
Hey, so now anyone
gets to talk at any time?

975
00:47:24,925 --> 00:47:26,093
Go ahead.

976
00:47:26,594 --> 00:47:29,180
What do I want?

977
00:47:31,057 --> 00:47:34,643
I'm looking for someone who...

978
00:47:37,021 --> 00:47:39,440
Everyone is listening to me.

979
00:47:40,441 --> 00:47:41,650
Can I say... Jim: Yes.

980
00:47:41,734 --> 00:47:42,943
I think it should be Darryl.

981
00:47:43,027 --> 00:47:44,362
Jim: Okay. What a surprise.

982
00:47:44,445 --> 00:47:45,988
Minorities sticking together.

983
00:47:46,072 --> 00:47:47,406
Kelly's on your side.

984
00:47:47,490 --> 00:47:50,117
I'm sorry, is that all you
think of me? A minority?

985
00:47:50,201 --> 00:47:54,955
I am so much more than that. I am a dancer.
I'm a singer. I'm a fashion designer.

986
00:47:55,039 --> 00:47:57,291
Whoever it is, I think
they should be lame.

987
00:47:58,125 --> 00:48:01,837
Kind of a non-threatening,
moderate personality.

988
00:48:02,129 --> 00:48:03,881
I want an outsider. Perfect.

989
00:48:03,964 --> 00:48:06,234
There are several outside
candidates that we think would be...

990
00:48:06,258 --> 00:48:07,510
No, I mean an outsider.

991
00:48:08,010 --> 00:48:09,887
Like someone on
the margins of society

992
00:48:09,970 --> 00:48:12,556
who doesn't see things the way
we do, like a homeless person.

993
00:48:12,681 --> 00:48:14,308
A homeless person. Really?

994
00:48:15,309 --> 00:48:16,602
A homeless person.

995
00:48:16,685 --> 00:48:18,372
No. You're right, Pam.
Let's just leave them

996
00:48:18,396 --> 00:48:20,156
to the welfare system
and let that handle it.

997
00:48:20,189 --> 00:48:22,066
No, I want you to
say that you think

998
00:48:22,149 --> 00:48:25,403
the best person to be our new
manager is a homeless person.

999
00:48:25,486 --> 00:48:26,862
Let me guess who you want, Pam.

1000
00:48:26,946 --> 00:48:29,407
Rachael ray?
The ladies of the view?

1001
00:48:29,490 --> 00:48:33,411
I got away with everything
under the last boss,

1002
00:48:33,494 --> 00:48:35,371
and it wasn't
good for me at all.

1003
00:48:35,454 --> 00:48:38,457
So I want guidance.
I want leadership.

1004
00:48:38,874 --> 00:48:41,919
But don't just, like, boss
me around, you know?

1005
00:48:42,002 --> 00:48:43,170
Like, lead me.

1006
00:48:43,295 --> 00:48:48,342
Lead me when
I'm in the mood to be led.

1007
00:48:48,676 --> 00:48:50,302
I just want, for once,

1008
00:48:50,386 --> 00:48:54,265
a smart, professional, decisive,
well-hung man in his 40s.

1009
00:48:54,348 --> 00:48:56,225
Hey, hey, hey! Okay, fine.

1010
00:48:56,517 --> 00:48:59,019
Uh, the guy with the tiny penis.

1011
00:48:59,103 --> 00:49:01,647
Are you happy?
Let's hire that guy!

1012
00:49:01,730 --> 00:49:03,524
She may have a point there.

1013
00:49:03,858 --> 00:49:06,277
Would a small penis work?

1014
00:49:06,694 --> 00:49:08,612
Small to moderate.

1015
00:49:08,696 --> 00:49:09,947
Gotta catch a plane.

1016
00:49:10,573 --> 00:49:12,116
Hey, Gabe, I'm sorry.

1017
00:49:12,199 --> 00:49:13,951
We didn't get you
a cake or anything.

1018
00:49:14,034 --> 00:49:15,035
We're gonna miss you.

1019
00:49:15,119 --> 00:49:17,538
Well, I'm still the corporate
liaison to the branch.

1020
00:49:17,621 --> 00:49:20,332
You are not leaving
without giving me a hug.

1021
00:49:21,625 --> 00:49:22,626
Ugh.

1022
00:49:22,710 --> 00:49:24,604
Okay, you know what? You
don't need to make that sound.

1023
00:49:24,628 --> 00:49:27,232
I'm sorry. You were just a lot bonier
than I thought you were gonna be!

1024
00:49:27,256 --> 00:49:29,136
There are plenty of people
who love touching me.

1025
00:49:29,383 --> 00:49:30,593
I'm a terrific hugger.

1026
00:49:31,218 --> 00:49:32,320
I've been with a bunch of girls

1027
00:49:32,344 --> 00:49:34,054
where that's basically
all they wanna do.

1028
00:49:34,555 --> 00:49:35,973
I will see you all soon.
Later, man.

1029
00:49:36,056 --> 00:49:37,183
Vvewinflssyou. Goodluck

1030
00:49:37,266 --> 00:49:38,546
Ryan: Good luck at your new job.

1031
00:49:38,601 --> 00:49:39,911
Take care, man.
Dwight: Gonna miss you, Gabe.

1032
00:49:39,935 --> 00:49:42,646
Listen up. Listen up, ladies.

1033
00:49:43,898 --> 00:49:45,232
I want the job.

1034
00:49:46,442 --> 00:49:47,776
There. I said it.

1035
00:49:48,402 --> 00:49:51,405
I'm educated, I'm capable,
I like all of you,

1036
00:49:51,572 --> 00:49:54,450
and I won't make any changes.

1037
00:49:55,242 --> 00:49:56,410
I see it.

1038
00:49:56,911 --> 00:50:01,373
I see it like I see a mountain that I'm
standing in front of and facing and I'm liking.

1039
00:50:01,707 --> 00:50:02,708
Phyllis: Yeah. Yeah.

1040
00:50:02,791 --> 00:50:04,960
Andy would be wonderful as boss.

1041
00:50:05,127 --> 00:50:06,462
Erin made a good point.

1042
00:50:07,588 --> 00:50:10,382
No. We're not related.
I got the call.

1043
00:50:12,009 --> 00:50:13,761
But I'll tell her
some other day.

1044
00:50:15,095 --> 00:50:16,472
Okay, what's going on?

1045
00:50:16,931 --> 00:50:19,475
I thought I told you guys
to expand the company.

1046
00:50:19,808 --> 00:50:23,771
Hlooks exactly the same.
I'm very disappointed.

1047
00:50:24,313 --> 00:50:26,273
Jordana, get me Jo on the phone.

1048
00:50:30,069 --> 00:50:31,779
Okay, nobody say anything.

1049
00:50:38,619 --> 00:50:41,705
Hey, creed, this is Jo.
No, don't say another word.

1050
00:50:41,789 --> 00:50:45,292
I need you to take
a nap right now. Yes.

1051
00:50:46,043 --> 00:50:49,838
I want to talk to you in your dream.
Lay down and put the phone...

1052
00:50:50,631 --> 00:50:55,302
Great. Very good. Okay,
you gonna go to sleep.

1053
00:50:55,970 --> 00:50:57,490
Okay, I think we have
about 40 minutes.

1054
00:50:58,138 --> 00:50:59,139
What about Darryl?

1055
00:51:00,140 --> 00:51:02,226
We can all agree that
he's a standup guy, right?

1056
00:51:02,309 --> 00:51:05,521
Very nice, laid back.
Overall, just a good guy.

1057
00:51:05,604 --> 00:51:08,440
What if he brings some of
those warehouse types up here?

1058
00:51:08,524 --> 00:51:09,900
They're not carnies.

1059
00:51:10,109 --> 00:51:11,336
Meredith: Can we see
a birth certificate?

1060
00:51:11,360 --> 00:51:13,946
I mean, how do we know he wasn't
born in mubajuba or something?

1061
00:51:14,029 --> 00:51:15,322
What difference would that make?

1062
00:51:15,406 --> 00:51:18,659
I'm just saying American
jobs should go to Americans.

1063
00:51:18,826 --> 00:51:19,827
(Spitting)

1064
00:51:20,953 --> 00:51:23,706
Meredith, you can't
just spit in the office.

1065
00:51:24,665 --> 00:51:26,000
Okay, I went too far.

1066
00:51:26,834 --> 00:51:27,835
Angela.

1067
00:51:28,002 --> 00:51:30,296
Well, let me be clear.
I only speak for myself,

1068
00:51:30,379 --> 00:51:32,423
and not myself and the senator.

1069
00:51:32,631 --> 00:51:34,800
I think we have some
wonderful candidates,

1070
00:51:34,883 --> 00:51:37,177
and there is a great
lively debate here.

1071
00:51:37,344 --> 00:51:39,013
But let's think about... no. No.

1072
00:51:39,096 --> 00:51:41,682
No.sony we cut Kevin
off for the same thing.

1073
00:51:41,765 --> 00:51:43,892
You have to have
something to say if you talk.

1074
00:51:43,976 --> 00:51:45,102
Exactly.

1075
00:51:45,185 --> 00:51:47,146
Jada. No, no, no.
Jada, what are you...

1076
00:51:48,147 --> 00:51:50,107
Oh. So sorry, guys.

1077
00:51:50,190 --> 00:51:52,651
I hope my family didn't
disrupt your meeting.

1078
00:51:52,901 --> 00:51:56,322
Daddy, are these the people who
are making you manager? (Exhales)

1079
00:51:56,405 --> 00:51:58,490
Maybe, sweetheart. (Exhales)

1080
00:51:58,574 --> 00:52:00,618
Single dad. Challenges.

1081
00:52:01,493 --> 00:52:03,746
Jada: I don't know if
he'd be a good manager,

1082
00:52:03,829 --> 00:52:05,247
but he's a really great dad.

1083
00:52:05,372 --> 00:52:07,875
Okay. This was
a mistake. Let's go.

1084
00:52:08,876 --> 00:52:11,795
It seems like we all know enough
to vote. Should we just vote now?

1085
00:52:11,879 --> 00:52:13,189
What? No, no,
no. It's not a vote.

1086
00:52:13,213 --> 00:52:15,257
Then what was this all about?
I don't know.

1087
00:52:15,341 --> 00:52:17,176
This conversation
really got away from me.

1088
00:52:17,259 --> 00:52:18,802
I don't care.
They can just vote.

1089
00:52:18,886 --> 00:52:20,179
No, they can't.

1090
00:52:20,262 --> 00:52:22,014
That's not how
this is gonna work.

1091
00:52:22,556 --> 00:52:25,059
(Exhales) We're going in this
room. We're gonna have a meeting.

1092
00:52:25,142 --> 00:52:26,536
We're gonna make
a recommendation to Jo,

1093
00:52:26,560 --> 00:52:29,521
and she's gonna give you her
recommendation on Monday, okay?

1094
00:52:29,897 --> 00:52:31,315
What the hell
happened out there?

1095
00:52:35,903 --> 00:52:38,822
Sometimes you hear people
talking about failing upwards.

1096
00:52:40,240 --> 00:52:41,617
I think I'm about to do that.

1097
00:52:42,743 --> 00:52:44,912
This job? Oh, yeah, I'll get it.

1098
00:52:45,746 --> 00:52:47,206
Jo's an old friend.

1099
00:52:47,706 --> 00:52:50,459
I think I'm her best friend.

1100
00:52:50,834 --> 00:52:52,211
She's not my best friend.

1101
00:52:52,544 --> 00:52:54,380
Every day, I have
a blueberry muffin.

1102
00:52:54,672 --> 00:52:56,882
Today I did not have
a blueberry muffin.

1103
00:52:57,800 --> 00:52:59,385
Should have had
the blueberry muffin.

1104
00:52:59,760 --> 00:53:03,097
Especially considering how
incredibly superstitious I am.

1105
00:53:03,639 --> 00:53:05,719
No. I've never been more
sure of anything in my life.

1106
00:53:06,183 --> 00:53:08,185
I will be the new boss of...

1107
00:53:10,062 --> 00:53:11,563
Vance refrigeration.

1108
00:53:12,898 --> 00:53:15,651
Honestly, I think
I sabotaged myself.

1109
00:53:15,776 --> 00:53:18,028
It's like I'm
afraid of being happy.

1110
00:53:19,071 --> 00:53:20,364
Case in point,

1111
00:53:21,323 --> 00:53:23,492
I was supposed to
start another job today.

1112
00:53:23,784 --> 00:53:25,536
I will get offered the job.

1113
00:53:26,328 --> 00:53:29,331
That's a call I've
received many times.

1114
00:53:29,415 --> 00:53:33,502
The slight hopefulness in
their voice, the pregnant pause

1115
00:53:33,585 --> 00:53:36,630
while they wait
to hear my response.

1116
00:53:36,964 --> 00:53:39,883
And then my response.

1117
00:53:41,468 --> 00:53:43,804
I want the job. I really do.

1118
00:53:44,012 --> 00:53:46,807
It's just the rest of my family's
in the finger lakes right now.

1119
00:53:47,015 --> 00:53:49,476
I'm supposed to be in
the finger lakes right now.

1120
00:53:49,977 --> 00:53:53,397
I told them I was on a hike,
snuck away to do this interview.

1121
00:53:53,897 --> 00:53:55,858
I gotta get back pretty soon.
They'll worry.

1122
00:53:56,150 --> 00:53:58,235
People disappear
in the finger lakes.

1123
00:53:58,861 --> 00:54:03,991
I will run this branch or
I will destroy this branch.

1124
00:54:05,743 --> 00:54:09,329
Or, I don't know.
Something always works out.

1125
00:54:14,626 --> 00:54:18,255
You remind me so much
of my fourth biggest client.

1126
00:54:18,338 --> 00:54:19,733
(In high-pitched voice)
Is that right?

1127
00:54:19,757 --> 00:54:21,008
I think you two should meet.

1128
00:54:21,300 --> 00:54:22,300
Vveh, okay_.

1129
00:54:22,342 --> 00:54:26,263
Hey, jordana, patch my ninth and
my fourth biggest client together.

1130
00:54:30,642 --> 00:54:31,685
(In man's voice) Hello?

1131
00:54:31,852 --> 00:54:33,052
(In high-pitched voice) Hello!

1132
00:54:33,187 --> 00:54:34,521
(In man's voice)
Hi, how are you?

1133
00:54:34,646 --> 00:54:35,999
(In high-pitched voice)
Oh, I'm good!

1134
00:54:36,023 --> 00:54:39,485
Don't you just love paper
and things about paper?

1135
00:54:40,110 --> 00:54:41,546
(In man's voice)
Hey, are you single?

1136
00:54:41,570 --> 00:54:43,447
This seems like
a love connection to me!

1137
00:54:43,530 --> 00:54:44,531
It's kismet.

1138
00:54:45,032 --> 00:54:47,201
Personally, I think
Darryl would be good.

1139
00:54:47,326 --> 00:54:50,829
It has to be Darryl,
or someone I don't know.

1140
00:54:51,371 --> 00:54:52,640
I thought the woman who came in,

1141
00:54:52,664 --> 00:54:54,541
she seemed like
she had a fun energy.

1142
00:54:54,625 --> 00:54:58,003
I'm not a sexist. I just really
don't want it to be a woman.

1143
00:54:58,962 --> 00:55:02,549
I just feel that women are
generally less competent than men

1144
00:55:02,633 --> 00:55:04,301
and less rational.

1145
00:55:04,384 --> 00:55:06,178
Again, I'm not a sexist.

1146
00:55:06,720 --> 00:55:11,391
Even Andy...
They need to pick someone.

1147
00:55:12,392 --> 00:55:14,895
Just someone. Fast.