1
00:00:02,377 --> 00:00:03,921
Erin, hey.

2
00:00:04,171 --> 00:00:06,840
In two minutes, I want you
to come into this meeting

3
00:00:06,924 --> 00:00:09,468
and tell me that I have a
really important phone call.

4
00:00:09,927 --> 00:00:11,803
I'm not going to take it

5
00:00:11,887 --> 00:00:14,598
because I want him to know
how important the meeting is to me.

6
00:00:15,432 --> 00:00:17,392
Who's calling? Nobody.

7
00:00:17,476 --> 00:00:21,647
Just say that I'm... just make
it up that I have a phone call.

8
00:00:21,730 --> 00:00:23,398
And then I'm going
to refuse to take it.

9
00:00:23,649 --> 00:00:24,751
You're not going to take it?

10
00:00:24,775 --> 00:00:25,793
Just make up a phone call.

11
00:00:25,817 --> 00:00:27,027
It's not a real call.

12
00:00:27,110 --> 00:00:28,195
Just make it up.

13
00:00:28,278 --> 00:00:29,821
Oh, okay. And then
come in and tell me.

14
00:00:29,905 --> 00:00:30,948
Okay.

15
00:00:31,073 --> 00:00:32,133
It doesn't matter what it is.

16
00:00:32,157 --> 00:00:33,259
You're not going
to get it, though.

17
00:00:33,283 --> 00:00:34,283
I'm not going to take it.

18
00:00:34,326 --> 00:00:35,661
And then he's going to be like,

19
00:00:35,786 --> 00:00:37,222
"wow, this is a really
important meeting."

20
00:00:37,246 --> 00:00:39,122
Copy that. Okay.

21
00:00:40,707 --> 00:00:42,125
Okay, so,

22
00:00:42,334 --> 00:00:44,920
tell me exactly
what kind of deal

23
00:00:45,003 --> 00:00:48,465
you are getting right now and
I'll tell you how we can beat it.

24
00:00:49,216 --> 00:00:50,276
Well, we've been going with...

25
00:00:50,300 --> 00:00:51,301
Andy?

26
00:00:51,385 --> 00:00:52,386
Yeah?

27
00:00:52,469 --> 00:00:53,571
You have a very important call.

28
00:00:53,595 --> 00:00:56,115
I'm sorry, I'm with a very
important client. It'll have to wait.

29
00:00:56,598 --> 00:00:58,684
Are you sure? It's
really, really important.

30
00:00:59,351 --> 00:01:03,814
There is nothing more important
to me right now than this meeting.

31
00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:07,568
Really? Because
your mother is dead.

32
00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:13,657
Oh, my god!

33
00:01:14,533 --> 00:01:16,076
I don't think she's dead.

34
00:01:16,326 --> 00:01:19,329
She's dead.
She was hit by a bus.

35
00:01:20,163 --> 00:01:21,957
She's not dead. This is exactly

36
00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:23,875
the kind of thing my mom pulls.

37
00:01:24,167 --> 00:01:26,837
This isn't one of those
times. It's the police.

38
00:01:27,671 --> 00:01:30,007
They said it's the
worst they've ever seen.

39
00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:32,509
Andy, I'm really sorry
about your mother.

40
00:01:33,135 --> 00:01:35,012
My deepest condolences.

41
00:01:36,972 --> 00:01:40,726
You must take this call. It's...

42
00:01:42,436 --> 00:01:44,354
Yeah, line one?

43
00:01:44,438 --> 00:01:45,731
Line two.

44
00:01:46,148 --> 00:01:47,149
Okay.

45
00:01:49,401 --> 00:01:50,902
It's Darryl.

46
00:01:50,986 --> 00:01:53,280
Erin told me to pretend to be
a cop and say your mom died.

47
00:01:53,363 --> 00:01:54,531
Oh!

48
00:01:55,449 --> 00:01:56,450
Gosh.

49
00:01:56,533 --> 00:01:57,951
Dude. Thank you, officer.

50
00:01:58,035 --> 00:01:59,536
Look, man, this is a bad idea.

51
00:01:59,661 --> 00:02:01,121
Did she have
any last words or...

52
00:02:01,204 --> 00:02:03,081
Really? That is messed up, man.

53
00:02:03,165 --> 00:02:07,544
Make sure that your client
gets the best deal possible.

54
00:02:07,794 --> 00:02:09,022
You're a bad man, Andy Bernard.

55
00:02:09,046 --> 00:02:10,815
That is so mom. That stuff
can come back and get you.

56
00:02:10,839 --> 00:02:12,692
It's called Karma. You do
not want to be messing...

57
00:02:12,716 --> 00:02:13,985
All right,
but thank you, officer.

58
00:02:14,009 --> 00:02:15,218
I've got an uncle...

59
00:02:17,888 --> 00:02:20,349
Erin, please hold
all my other calls.

60
00:02:22,893 --> 00:02:24,394
Where were we?

61
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:48,335
Hey, Cathy.

62
00:02:48,418 --> 00:02:49,854
How's it going?
Everything make sense?

63
00:02:49,878 --> 00:02:51,278
I think everything
is under control.

64
00:02:51,380 --> 00:02:52,756
Great. You should sit down.

65
00:02:52,839 --> 00:02:54,174
No, I'm fine.

66
00:02:54,299 --> 00:02:55,779
No, I should go
fill out my paperwork.

67
00:02:56,093 --> 00:02:57,177
Okay.

68
00:02:58,470 --> 00:02:59,471
(Chair squeaks)

69
00:03:00,639 --> 00:03:03,100
That was just me. Pregnant Pam.

70
00:03:04,101 --> 00:03:05,578
And I make sounds
much worse than this.

71
00:03:05,602 --> 00:03:06,978
We know.

72
00:03:08,438 --> 00:03:12,693
I'm training a temp to be my
replacement while I'm on maternity leave.

73
00:03:12,776 --> 00:03:15,362
I should have
mentioned I'm pregnant.

74
00:03:16,071 --> 00:03:18,323
You probably
didn't notice because

75
00:03:18,448 --> 00:03:20,742
it's impossible to tell
because I'm so small.

76
00:03:20,826 --> 00:03:22,911
But yeah, I'm pregnant.

77
00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:24,121
(Chair squeaks)

78
00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:25,747
Oh, come on.

79
00:03:25,997 --> 00:03:28,083
Hey. Asking for a friend,

80
00:03:28,166 --> 00:03:30,210
do you happen to know
if that new girl is single?

81
00:03:31,670 --> 00:03:32,754
Doubt it.

82
00:03:33,296 --> 00:03:34,798
Yeah. Me, too.

83
00:03:36,591 --> 00:03:37,718
You doubt it?

84
00:03:37,843 --> 00:03:38,969
What's that?

85
00:03:39,344 --> 00:03:40,887
Why do you doubt
that she's single?

86
00:03:41,555 --> 00:03:45,308
Honestly, I have no idea. I just
figured we'd save her from Ryan, right?

87
00:03:50,731 --> 00:03:52,482
What are you
doing with my lunch?

88
00:03:52,649 --> 00:03:54,401
I'm delivering it
from the fridge.

89
00:03:54,484 --> 00:03:56,903
It's like a porno. "Hey,
did anybody order a pizza?"

90
00:03:57,154 --> 00:03:58,655
It's not pizza.

91
00:03:58,822 --> 00:04:00,342
Yeah, and we're not
about to make love.

92
00:04:00,407 --> 00:04:01,658
I just thought maybe you'd want

93
00:04:01,783 --> 00:04:03,034
to eat lunch at your desk today

94
00:04:03,118 --> 00:04:05,120
so that during lunch
we could go down

95
00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:07,247
to the warehouse and
bang out a few tunes.

96
00:04:07,330 --> 00:04:09,499
I like the sound of that.
Is Kevin here?

97
00:04:09,624 --> 00:04:10,834
(Drumming)

98
00:04:10,917 --> 00:04:12,335
You tell me.

99
00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:20,719
So word on the street
is she has a boyfriend.

100
00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:23,764
Well, he's probably
a drug dealer.

101
00:04:23,847 --> 00:04:25,607
That's the best way to
land a hot girlfriend.

102
00:04:25,724 --> 00:04:27,517
You just...
You get her hooked on blow.

103
00:04:28,935 --> 00:04:30,937
It's going to be nice
to have just like a

104
00:04:31,021 --> 00:04:33,523
healthy, young, fit presence
in the middle of the office.

105
00:04:33,607 --> 00:04:34,667
Yes, aesthetically
speaking, strictly.

106
00:04:34,691 --> 00:04:35,691
Yeah.

107
00:04:35,734 --> 00:04:37,211
She adds a nice presence.
Ryan: Good energy.

108
00:04:37,235 --> 00:04:38,945
Yeah, it's going to
be nice to have

109
00:04:39,029 --> 00:04:40,655
someone hot at Pam's desk, huh?

110
00:04:41,490 --> 00:04:42,949
No, no. Not even.

111
00:04:43,074 --> 00:04:44,576
I'm kidding.

112
00:04:44,659 --> 00:04:47,996
Oh, my gosh, you guys. She's
obviously super cute. I get it.

113
00:04:48,580 --> 00:04:50,624
But I'd like to point
out there is 50 pounds

114
00:04:50,707 --> 00:04:52,667
more of me to love,
if that's your thing.

115
00:04:52,751 --> 00:04:54,145
Pam, you look more
beautiful now than ever.

116
00:04:54,169 --> 00:04:55,253
Radiant.

117
00:04:55,337 --> 00:04:57,672
Thank you, guys. Really,
thank you, very sweet.

118
00:04:57,756 --> 00:04:59,800
Yeah, you have this sexy glow.

119
00:04:59,883 --> 00:05:02,260
Well, it's one of
the most common fetishes.

120
00:05:03,261 --> 00:05:04,471
Really? Well, thank you all.

121
00:05:04,554 --> 00:05:06,991
You know, it's not just pregnant
women who don't get their due.

122
00:05:07,015 --> 00:05:08,558
You know who's gorgeous?

123
00:05:08,642 --> 00:05:09,893
Helen mirren. Yes.

124
00:05:09,976 --> 00:05:12,979
Yes, have you seen her
in a bikini? Amazing.

125
00:05:13,063 --> 00:05:15,982
What would be the hottest thing
ever is a pregnant Helen mirren.

126
00:05:16,066 --> 00:05:17,359
Ooh!

127
00:05:17,442 --> 00:05:19,069
(All talking indistinctly)

128
00:05:19,903 --> 00:05:23,281
Okay, okay. (Whistles)
Okay, no, no, no.

129
00:05:23,365 --> 00:05:25,617
This is disgusting. Do you
realize what you're saying?

130
00:05:25,700 --> 00:05:29,120
The hottest thing ever would be
a 66-year-old pregnant woman?

131
00:05:29,204 --> 00:05:31,122
In this case, yes. No!

132
00:05:31,206 --> 00:05:35,585
There are universal biological
standards of beauty and attraction.

133
00:05:35,710 --> 00:05:38,839
And you are purposefully
celebrating the opposite of them

134
00:05:38,922 --> 00:05:40,882
to mollycoddle a pregnant woman.

135
00:05:41,091 --> 00:05:42,171
Phyllis: No, we're not. No.

136
00:05:42,259 --> 00:05:43,260
Dwight: Yes, you are.

137
00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:47,097
And another thing, Helen
mirren was born Helen mironoff.

138
00:05:47,305 --> 00:05:51,017
That's right, you're fake salivating
over a Soviet-era Russian.

139
00:05:51,434 --> 00:05:52,435
(Scoffs)

140
00:05:55,021 --> 00:05:56,481
(Scatting)

141
00:05:56,565 --> 00:05:57,941
(Playing blues music)

142
00:06:06,449 --> 00:06:07,659
Nice scatting, man.

143
00:06:07,742 --> 00:06:11,037
Thank you. I think I said "doop"
instead of "boop" at one point.

144
00:06:11,121 --> 00:06:13,415
Not bad, fellas.
You're better than you look.

145
00:06:13,498 --> 00:06:15,292
Hey, screw you!

146
00:06:17,294 --> 00:06:19,129
Hey, robefl.
Are we meeting early?

147
00:06:19,254 --> 00:06:21,089
Just taking a stroll.

148
00:06:21,923 --> 00:06:23,884
What exactly have
I stumbled upon here?

149
00:06:23,967 --> 00:06:26,678
Well, we're all musicians and
we play together sometimes.

150
00:06:27,012 --> 00:06:28,096
You're a band?

151
00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:29,306
Thank you.

152
00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:31,892
We're called Kevin and the zits.

153
00:06:32,309 --> 00:06:33,894
That was never agreed upon.

154
00:06:34,019 --> 00:06:35,645
I miss being in a band.

155
00:06:36,313 --> 00:06:38,148
Miss no more.
What do you play? Join us.

156
00:06:38,273 --> 00:06:40,066
I have a tambourine.

157
00:06:40,275 --> 00:06:42,986
Tambourine? You know
I'm the ceo, right?

158
00:06:43,820 --> 00:06:46,132
CEOs don't play tambourines.
Tambourines are for girlfriends.

159
00:06:46,156 --> 00:06:48,909
I play harmonica. I think
I have one in the car.

160
00:06:48,992 --> 00:06:50,744
Nice. Great.

161
00:06:51,828 --> 00:06:54,247
Guys, Robert is
going to be a zit.

162
00:06:54,664 --> 00:06:56,791
Again, never agreed upon.

163
00:06:57,125 --> 00:06:59,437
I had totally given up on
hanging out with Robert California

164
00:06:59,461 --> 00:07:01,671
and now he wants
to be in our band.

165
00:07:01,755 --> 00:07:03,190
And when you're in
a rock and roll band

166
00:07:03,214 --> 00:07:04,609
with somebody,
you're bonded for life.

167
00:07:04,633 --> 00:07:07,344
Usually that life
is short and tragic.

168
00:07:07,844 --> 00:07:09,304
That's okay, right?

169
00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:10,847
Yeah, even cooler.

170
00:07:10,931 --> 00:07:13,350
We all got to go sometime.

171
00:07:14,476 --> 00:07:16,311
Hey. Hey.

172
00:07:16,394 --> 00:07:18,063
Helen mirren. Hot?

173
00:07:19,022 --> 00:07:20,774
Yeah. Super pretty.

174
00:07:20,857 --> 00:07:21,900
Huh.

175
00:07:22,609 --> 00:07:23,693
What about Cathy?

176
00:07:23,818 --> 00:07:24,903
The temp?

177
00:07:25,070 --> 00:07:27,030
Nope. Yeah, do
you think she's hot?

178
00:07:27,364 --> 00:07:29,324
I'm not asking
if you're into her.

179
00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:31,451
Just objectively,
do you find her attractive?

180
00:07:31,910 --> 00:07:33,036
I'm telling you I don't.

181
00:07:33,745 --> 00:07:35,163
You don't find Cathy attractive?

182
00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:36,706
No, I don't.

183
00:07:36,957 --> 00:07:40,418
No, I'm not going to tell my
nine months pregnant wife

184
00:07:40,502 --> 00:07:43,421
that I find her replacement
objectively attractive.

185
00:07:43,505 --> 00:07:45,232
Just like I'm not going to
tell my 2-year-old daughter

186
00:07:45,256 --> 00:07:48,343
that violent video games
are objectively more fun.

187
00:07:49,219 --> 00:07:51,680
It's true, but it
doesn't help anybody.

188
00:07:52,389 --> 00:07:53,807
Look at her.

189
00:07:55,141 --> 00:07:57,185
Even I want some
fries with that shake.

190
00:07:58,895 --> 00:08:02,691
Okay. I don't. So are we good?

191
00:08:07,362 --> 00:08:09,030
That's just absurd.

192
00:08:09,155 --> 00:08:10,865
Yes, because she's hot, right?

193
00:08:11,199 --> 00:08:12,867
Her breasts are large,
her waist is small,

194
00:08:12,993 --> 00:08:14,661
her reproductive health
in ample evidence.

195
00:08:14,744 --> 00:08:16,579
Facial symmetry, come on.

196
00:08:17,747 --> 00:08:20,709
The thing about pregnancy
is people treat you differently.

197
00:08:21,209 --> 00:08:22,961
Like you're a kid, almost.

198
00:08:23,044 --> 00:08:24,963
They lose all
sense of boundaries.

199
00:08:25,046 --> 00:08:29,259
They start acting weird, telling
you things that clearly aren't true.

200
00:08:29,676 --> 00:08:32,095
I know it sounds nuts
but I think Dwight

201
00:08:32,262 --> 00:08:34,723
is the only one who's
telling me the truth.

202
00:08:35,849 --> 00:08:37,934
Dwight, am I hot right now?

203
00:08:38,268 --> 00:08:40,496
Why would I or anyone else
think that you're hot right now?

204
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:42,280
I can't impregnate you
and that's the driving

205
00:08:42,439 --> 00:08:44,190
force between
male-female attraction.

206
00:08:44,566 --> 00:08:46,609
What about before?
Was I attractive before?

207
00:08:48,111 --> 00:08:51,573
You were at your most attractive when
you were 24, with a slight gradual decline.

208
00:08:51,656 --> 00:08:54,093
And a steep drop off when you
got pregnant for the first time.

209
00:08:54,117 --> 00:08:55,618
Gradual recovery and...

210
00:08:56,244 --> 00:08:59,247
Well, now obviously
you're at an all-time low.

211
00:09:00,790 --> 00:09:01,791
Hmm.

212
00:09:04,461 --> 00:09:07,130
I think Jim's lying to me about
not being attracted to Cathy.

213
00:09:08,131 --> 00:09:10,884
You think Jim's lying?
(Laughs) That's so cute.

214
00:09:11,468 --> 00:09:12,552
I know he's lying.

215
00:09:12,844 --> 00:09:13,988
5 bucks if you can
get him to admit it.

216
00:09:14,012 --> 00:09:15,055
Done.

217
00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:17,557
Inevertouch a pregnant woman.

218
00:09:17,682 --> 00:09:19,350
Yeah, that's the Dwight I need.

219
00:09:21,102 --> 00:09:23,438
If we're going to work together,
we need some ground rules.

220
00:09:23,521 --> 00:09:24,564
Okay.

221
00:09:24,647 --> 00:09:27,859
Rule one, our only
loyalty is to the truth.

222
00:09:28,651 --> 00:09:30,195
I think so. Okay.

223
00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:31,946
Rule two, we stop at nothing.

224
00:09:32,906 --> 00:09:35,325
What is that...
Is it... well, okay.

225
00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:36,576
Rule three.

226
00:09:37,202 --> 00:09:38,203
Don't fall in love.

227
00:09:38,328 --> 00:09:39,370
Yup. Good.

228
00:09:40,163 --> 00:09:41,748
We're going to bust this guy.

229
00:09:41,873 --> 00:09:43,458
Honesty is very important to me.

230
00:09:43,541 --> 00:09:47,045
So important. And then we
will destroy the man himself.

231
00:09:47,128 --> 00:09:50,048
Let's just see how we feel
when we get there.

232
00:09:51,049 --> 00:09:52,842
Well, you came to
the right person.

233
00:09:52,967 --> 00:09:54,761
You have to follow
your intuition, Pam.

234
00:09:54,844 --> 00:09:56,763
You don't want to end up
like Elin nordegren.

235
00:09:56,846 --> 00:09:59,646
Actually, what am I saying? You
wish you had her life. No offense, Pam.

236
00:09:59,808 --> 00:10:01,559
None taken. What have you got?

237
00:10:02,018 --> 00:10:04,979
It is called the matchmaker
test and it is very powerful.

238
00:10:05,063 --> 00:10:06,981
Basically, we have Pam
ask Jim which

239
00:10:07,065 --> 00:10:08,942
of his friends he would
set up with Cathy.

240
00:10:09,025 --> 00:10:10,944
If Jim picks
a really hot friend,

241
00:10:11,069 --> 00:10:13,029
then we know
he thinks that Cathy's hot.

242
00:10:15,198 --> 00:10:16,366
Hmm.

243
00:10:16,866 --> 00:10:18,535
(Playing blues music)

244
00:10:25,917 --> 00:10:27,627
Hey, you found us.

245
00:10:27,752 --> 00:10:29,462
You guys sound great, man.

246
00:10:29,546 --> 00:10:33,341
Darryl, Andy, Kevin, this is
Curtis dorough, local musician,

247
00:10:33,424 --> 00:10:35,093
and the officiate at my wedding.

248
00:10:35,218 --> 00:10:36,928
Local musician?

249
00:10:37,053 --> 00:10:38,847
Local legend.
I used to come hear you

250
00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:40,807
play every week at the deerhead.

251
00:10:40,890 --> 00:10:42,684
Kevin: Dude, you're on TV.

252
00:10:43,184 --> 00:10:45,311
You're the sportscaster
on channel seven.

253
00:10:45,687 --> 00:10:47,021
Go, eagles!

254
00:10:47,313 --> 00:10:48,690
You do that on TV.

255
00:10:48,815 --> 00:10:50,191
You guys mind if theyjoin us?

256
00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:52,026
Yeah, sure.

257
00:10:52,569 --> 00:10:54,946
Guys, I've got some
instruments right here.

258
00:10:55,238 --> 00:10:56,549
Hey, why don't you
and me play those?

259
00:10:56,573 --> 00:10:57,740
Yeah?

260
00:10:57,824 --> 00:10:58,950
Okay, this is awesome.

261
00:10:59,075 --> 00:11:00,243
What shall we play?

262
00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:02,412
Maybe we should warm up
with some scales?

263
00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:04,122
Yeah. Midnight rambler?

264
00:11:04,706 --> 00:11:06,166
Midnight what?

265
00:11:06,249 --> 00:11:08,084
(Playing blues music)

266
00:11:13,381 --> 00:11:16,342
Have you heard about
the midnight rambler?

267
00:11:20,763 --> 00:11:22,640
Hey, this is crazy

268
00:11:53,296 --> 00:11:56,049
Hey, I was talking to Cathy.
Turns out she is single.

269
00:11:56,132 --> 00:11:58,676
Oh, I stand corrected.

270
00:11:58,927 --> 00:12:01,512
I thought it might be fun
to set her up with someone.

271
00:12:01,596 --> 00:12:02,931
Any ideas?

272
00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:05,892
Oh. You know who might
be good? Mike tibbets.

273
00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:08,061
Mike tibbets, really?

274
00:12:08,144 --> 00:12:09,479
Hey, who's this
Mike tibbets guy?

275
00:12:09,646 --> 00:12:10,980
What kind of car does he drive?

276
00:12:12,398 --> 00:12:13,441
Not his mom's car.

277
00:12:13,524 --> 00:12:15,985
Yeah, because his mom's car's
probably not a Nissan z.

278
00:12:18,154 --> 00:12:19,489
Touche?

279
00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:22,134
(Kelly exclaims in disgust)

280
00:12:22,158 --> 00:12:23,660
Pam: Kelly, calm down.

281
00:12:23,785 --> 00:12:25,304
I mean, I guess
he'd be okay with hair.

282
00:12:25,328 --> 00:12:27,163
Okay, you should see
if he'll get hair plugs.

283
00:12:27,330 --> 00:12:28,807
I don't think Jim
cares about his hair.

284
00:12:28,831 --> 00:12:30,208
Yeah, but I do, Pam. Okay?

285
00:12:30,291 --> 00:12:31,560
It's called being a nice person.

286
00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:32,811
I don't see what's
so ugly about him.

287
00:12:32,835 --> 00:12:34,462
He's got the broad
face of a brewer.

288
00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:36,673
Jim's on to me.

289
00:12:37,382 --> 00:12:39,342
Yeah, Jim barely talks to Mike.

290
00:12:39,425 --> 00:12:40,825
We had to go through
like two levels

291
00:12:40,885 --> 00:12:42,285
of friends to even
find his profile.

292
00:12:43,179 --> 00:12:45,431
Jim picked someone
just unattractive

293
00:12:45,556 --> 00:12:47,850
enough to shut me up
without tipping it.

294
00:12:48,393 --> 00:12:50,603
Just ugly enough
to have deniability.

295
00:12:50,687 --> 00:12:52,146
Yup.

296
00:12:52,522 --> 00:12:55,525
Jim: Mike tibbets is like the
most boring looking guy I know.

297
00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:59,612
So if that was for the matchmaker
test, I think I'm in the clear.

298
00:13:00,613 --> 00:13:03,658
If that wasn't for
the matchmaker test then...

299
00:13:03,741 --> 00:13:05,827
Cathy, he's a really nice guy.

300
00:13:05,952 --> 00:13:07,704
Well, Jim may be
lying with his words,

301
00:13:07,829 --> 00:13:09,580
but he can't lie with his body.

302
00:13:10,665 --> 00:13:12,351
I'm going to write
something mean on his wall.

303
00:13:12,375 --> 00:13:13,960
No, Kelly, don't.

304
00:13:14,043 --> 00:13:15,378
The male reveals attraction

305
00:13:15,461 --> 00:13:18,631
through unconscious and
involuntary physical signs.

306
00:13:18,715 --> 00:13:20,591
The puffing of the chest.

307
00:13:20,675 --> 00:13:21,718
Mirroring.

308
00:13:21,843 --> 00:13:24,220
Increased blood flow
to the crotch.

309
00:13:25,263 --> 00:13:26,889
I say we start there.

310
00:13:26,973 --> 00:13:28,253
With the crotch?
With the crotch?

311
00:13:28,391 --> 00:13:30,059
With the crotch.

312
00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:32,603
(Playing blues music)

313
00:13:43,990 --> 00:13:44,991
Whoo!

314
00:13:46,868 --> 00:13:47,952
Psst.

315
00:13:48,036 --> 00:13:49,662
We're not here. Who said that?

316
00:13:49,746 --> 00:13:51,122
Exactly.

317
00:13:51,372 --> 00:13:52,665
How'd I get this long triangle?

318
00:13:52,790 --> 00:13:54,083
Okay, just shut up.

319
00:13:54,751 --> 00:13:56,753
Is he puffing out his chest?

320
00:13:56,919 --> 00:13:58,921
I can't tell.
It's unnaturally sunken.

321
00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:01,507
(Giggles)

322
00:14:01,591 --> 00:14:04,260
Busted. He just was
mirroring. Did you see that?

323
00:14:04,344 --> 00:14:06,554
No. Maybe he just
said something funny.

324
00:14:06,637 --> 00:14:09,807
Jim has no discernible sense of
humor, Pam. You should know that.

325
00:14:10,266 --> 00:14:11,893
I think he's just
making her laugh.

326
00:14:12,018 --> 00:14:13,686
Time for me to find out.

327
00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:18,816
Why is he making
her laugh so much?

328
00:14:18,941 --> 00:14:20,693
Just going to
walk over here. Whoa!

329
00:14:20,777 --> 00:14:24,322
I'm slipping and falling! I'm stumbling.
I need something to grab onto!

330
00:14:24,405 --> 00:14:25,424
Cathy: Hey, are you okay?
I'm fine.

331
00:14:25,448 --> 00:14:26,728
Dwight! Dwight!
I'm totally fine!

332
00:14:26,783 --> 00:14:27,784
Yes?

333
00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:29,827
What? Jim?

334
00:14:29,952 --> 00:14:31,120
Sorry about that.

335
00:14:31,704 --> 00:14:33,581
Cramp. I'm just... Dwight!

336
00:14:36,834 --> 00:14:39,754
(Gasps) I'm sorry,
I fell down, Mr. Balance.

337
00:14:49,013 --> 00:14:50,181
Leave.

338
00:14:53,309 --> 00:14:55,978
Does your husband
ever have soft erections?

339
00:14:56,104 --> 00:14:59,732
Because if not, I just grabbed
a very soft penis for nothing.

340
00:15:00,274 --> 00:15:02,777
Why was he making
her laugh so much?

341
00:15:08,574 --> 00:15:09,784
Hey, I'll just be a second.

342
00:15:09,867 --> 00:15:11,661
Yeah, take your time. Okay.

343
00:15:14,038 --> 00:15:16,040
That line from zoolander.
Mmm-hmm?

344
00:15:16,457 --> 00:15:18,793
It was from a deleted scene
so we were both right.

345
00:15:18,876 --> 00:15:20,128
Told you.

346
00:15:22,505 --> 00:15:23,923
Do I hand in my expense reports

347
00:15:24,006 --> 00:15:25,383
to a particular accountant or...

348
00:15:25,466 --> 00:15:27,176
Oscar, Cathy has a question.

349
00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:30,054
Sorry, I'll just go ask Oscar.

350
00:15:34,851 --> 00:15:36,769
Yeah? You okay?

351
00:15:36,853 --> 00:15:38,771
Why won't you just admit
that she's attractive?

352
00:15:38,855 --> 00:15:40,207
It's kind of annoying
that you won't say it.

353
00:15:40,231 --> 00:15:42,024
Okay, what can I do
to make you believe me?

354
00:15:42,859 --> 00:15:45,653
Well, Dwight had this idea and
I thought it was kind of crazy,

355
00:15:45,736 --> 00:15:47,363
but maybe that's
where we are now.

356
00:15:49,532 --> 00:15:52,535
She called it crazy? Man.

357
00:15:52,618 --> 00:15:54,328
That's insulting. All I did was

358
00:15:54,412 --> 00:15:56,080
propose a makeshift
lie detector test.

359
00:15:56,164 --> 00:15:58,040
Monitoring his
blood pressure, pulse,

360
00:15:58,124 --> 00:15:59,959
perspiration and breathing rate.

361
00:16:00,293 --> 00:16:03,713
Yeah, it's nuts. But I
don't know what else to do.

362
00:16:04,088 --> 00:16:06,090
And she called it nuts?

363
00:16:06,340 --> 00:16:08,384
Seriously, that was hot.

364
00:16:08,509 --> 00:16:10,887
Feel like you and the
newsman had a groove going.

365
00:16:11,220 --> 00:16:13,222
Did you know that Lisa
toured with chaka Khan?

366
00:16:13,389 --> 00:16:14,891
Are you serious?

367
00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:16,434
From Star Trek?

368
00:16:16,559 --> 00:16:18,060
Hey, you caught some of that?

369
00:16:18,436 --> 00:16:19,437
I caught it.

370
00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:20,539
What, you don't like the blues?

371
00:16:20,563 --> 00:16:22,815
I might enjoy seeing
you guys play the blues.

372
00:16:22,899 --> 00:16:23,983
Well, we are playing.

373
00:16:24,066 --> 00:16:26,652
We're all playing together.
These are ourjam buddies.

374
00:16:26,736 --> 00:16:29,405
It's a jam session. We go
where the music takes us.

375
00:16:29,530 --> 00:16:30,531
(Band playing the blues)

376
00:16:30,781 --> 00:16:32,909
I think the music
left without you.

377
00:16:38,372 --> 00:16:39,707
Come on. Stop shoving me.

378
00:16:39,790 --> 00:16:42,752
"Stop shoving me. Stop
grabbing my penis." Grow up.

379
00:16:43,294 --> 00:16:45,505
Take off your jacket
and take a seat.

380
00:16:47,173 --> 00:16:50,551
When it lies, the human body
exhibits many telltale signs.

381
00:16:52,053 --> 00:16:53,554
Really? This could all go away

382
00:16:53,638 --> 00:16:55,515
if you just tell me the truth.

383
00:16:55,598 --> 00:16:57,475
Are you all in line?

384
00:16:57,892 --> 00:17:00,269
Why don't you go check out
the sympathy cards, old man?

385
00:17:00,436 --> 00:17:03,105
Now I'm going to ask you
just a few simple questions.

386
00:17:03,189 --> 00:17:06,484
Wait for this to
constrict. Here we go.

387
00:17:06,776 --> 00:17:08,194
Is your name Jim Halpert?

388
00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:13,699
Wait, that's it? That's the
question you're going to ask him?

389
00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:15,302
We have to start
with a baseline question

390
00:17:15,326 --> 00:17:16,661
to establish what the truth is.

391
00:17:16,911 --> 00:17:20,039
You have to share
the machine with others.

392
00:17:20,498 --> 00:17:22,124
Well, that's what they taught me

393
00:17:22,208 --> 00:17:23,751
in my 19th century kindergarten.

394
00:17:23,834 --> 00:17:26,546
Okay, Dwight, come on.
You can go first.

395
00:17:27,463 --> 00:17:28,548
Jim, are you serious?

396
00:17:32,927 --> 00:17:35,429
You know what? This reminds
me, Cece needs a new toothbrush.

397
00:17:36,806 --> 00:17:38,558
(Playing blues music)

398
00:17:48,109 --> 00:17:49,429
Maybe we could
switch instruments.

399
00:17:49,527 --> 00:17:50,861
Yeah.

400
00:17:50,945 --> 00:17:53,197
'Cause my body's
starting to get bruised.

401
00:17:53,656 --> 00:17:56,659
Yeah, maybe everyone move
one instrument to the right.

402
00:17:56,909 --> 00:17:58,327
(Music intensifies)

403
00:18:11,841 --> 00:18:14,510
We had to leave because
of creative differences.

404
00:18:14,677 --> 00:18:17,138
Yeah, they kind of
had a specific sound

405
00:18:17,263 --> 00:18:19,682
that didn't really
fit in with our thing.

406
00:18:19,765 --> 00:18:24,604
Guys, this means they're
Kevin and the zits now.

407
00:18:24,687 --> 00:18:27,189
No, man. We are.

408
00:18:28,941 --> 00:18:30,901
Well... I know, I know.

409
00:18:31,193 --> 00:18:32,820
Okay, you're done.

410
00:18:32,945 --> 00:18:34,530
I have a new heart, you know.

411
00:18:34,697 --> 00:18:37,450
Do you really, tin man? Okay.

412
00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:39,660
Where were we?

413
00:18:39,744 --> 00:18:41,203
Jim: No, I'm not worried.

414
00:18:41,370 --> 00:18:44,165
Because this lie isn't
for me, it's for Pam.

415
00:18:44,332 --> 00:18:47,585
And when she gets her body
back and her confidence back,

416
00:18:49,045 --> 00:18:51,672
yes, I will tell her the truth.

417
00:18:52,506 --> 00:18:53,799
That_

418
00:18:54,383 --> 00:19:00,181
I had feelings for a co-worker
today that I haven't had in years.

419
00:19:02,767 --> 00:19:04,602
In my defense,
he was grabbing my crotch

420
00:19:04,727 --> 00:19:06,604
fairly aggressively at the time.

421
00:19:07,396 --> 00:19:08,756
Do you find
Cathy Simms attractive?

422
00:19:13,361 --> 00:19:14,654
Yep, he's lying.

423
00:19:15,279 --> 00:19:16,614
See. Was that so hard?

424
00:19:16,989 --> 00:19:17,990
I am not lying.

425
00:19:18,074 --> 00:19:19,074
Really?

426
00:19:19,116 --> 00:19:22,119
Pam, are you really going to
listen to his stupid homemade test?

427
00:19:22,203 --> 00:19:23,663
I would listen to
my homemade test

428
00:19:23,746 --> 00:19:25,265
because your husband
is definitely lying.

429
00:19:25,289 --> 00:19:28,751
In fact, he's lied about every
question, even his name.

430
00:19:29,126 --> 00:19:30,920
Who are you, really? Wait, what?

431
00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:34,298
Look at the numbers. Every single
time it's come up 150 over 100.

432
00:19:34,382 --> 00:19:36,509
Your husband is
a pathological liar.

433
00:19:36,592 --> 00:19:38,260
Jim, you have
high blood pressure.

434
00:19:38,427 --> 00:19:40,137
He is definitely
attracted to her.

435
00:19:40,388 --> 00:19:41,740
Doesn't your dad have
high blood pressure?

436
00:19:41,764 --> 00:19:42,973
Yeah, but I don't smoke.

437
00:19:43,140 --> 00:19:44,534
When was the last time
you went to the doctor?

438
00:19:44,558 --> 00:19:46,358
I don't know. It's
important to go every month

439
00:19:46,394 --> 00:19:47,812
and get your prostate checked.

440
00:19:47,895 --> 00:19:49,081
You can do it at
home by yourself

441
00:19:49,105 --> 00:19:50,207
with your finger.
You just stick...

442
00:19:50,231 --> 00:19:51,315
Okay.

443
00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:52,566
Dwight, stop.

444
00:19:53,109 --> 00:19:56,821
I'm not kidding. I mean, I need
you to take care of yourself.

445
00:19:56,904 --> 00:19:58,298
What would we do if
something happened to you?

446
00:19:58,322 --> 00:20:01,784
Okay, easy. Trust me.
I'm around for the long haul.

447
00:20:02,159 --> 00:20:04,870
It's not really your choice, though,
is it? Death waits for no man.

448
00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:06,247
Okay.

449
00:20:06,372 --> 00:20:08,172
Come on, let's go.
I want to call your doctor.

450
00:20:09,291 --> 00:20:12,169
Doesn't it worry you in the slightest
that Jim is not his real name?

451
00:20:12,253 --> 00:20:13,438
Just go home, it doesn't matter.

452
00:20:13,462 --> 00:20:14,547
But the...

453
00:20:14,797 --> 00:20:17,299
Hey, Cece's toothbrush.

454
00:20:20,886 --> 00:20:21,971
Thank you.

455
00:20:22,096 --> 00:20:24,974
Darryl: Ooh,
baby, llove your way

456
00:20:25,891 --> 00:20:27,309
every day

457
00:20:28,644 --> 00:20:31,856
both: Want to be
with you night and day

458
00:20:32,815 --> 00:20:34,275
and day

459
00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:37,278
ooh, baby, llove your way

460
00:20:37,611 --> 00:20:39,739
(scatting)

461
00:20:42,408 --> 00:20:46,078
(Both playing drums)