1 00:00:01,251 --> 00:00:02,377 (Door opening) 2 00:00:04,462 --> 00:00:05,922 Val, I need the space. 3 00:00:06,798 --> 00:00:07,924 All right, guys, clear out. 4 00:00:08,007 --> 00:00:09,007 Everybody out! 5 00:00:09,050 --> 00:00:10,319 Promise me you're going to clean up. 6 00:00:10,343 --> 00:00:12,595 I can't promise what I'm going to do or not do. 7 00:00:12,679 --> 00:00:13,680 Promise me... 8 00:00:13,763 --> 00:00:15,056 Obviously, I'm going to clean up. 9 00:00:15,140 --> 00:00:18,017 Stress is like the uptight mayor of a town who's saying, 10 00:00:18,101 --> 00:00:20,270 "hey, we're uptight. You can't dance." 11 00:00:20,353 --> 00:00:24,065 And then, you have to be like, "oh, yeah, mayor stress? Well, watch this." 12 00:00:24,149 --> 00:00:26,401 And then, we dance. 13 00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:28,361 (Upbeat music playing) 14 00:00:28,445 --> 00:00:30,280 Oh, how we dance. 15 00:01:05,148 --> 00:01:06,691 Sex also works. 16 00:01:30,507 --> 00:01:32,258 Hey, Jim's back from jury duty. 17 00:01:32,342 --> 00:01:35,803 Heleuna! He's back! 18 00:01:36,346 --> 00:01:37,347 Hey. 19 00:01:37,430 --> 00:01:38,430 Oh, look at this. 20 00:01:38,473 --> 00:01:40,225 Tuna wrap. Okay. 21 00:01:40,308 --> 00:01:41,434 (Andy chuckles) 22 00:01:41,684 --> 00:01:43,019 Hand roll. 23 00:01:43,728 --> 00:01:44,896 How was jury duty? 24 00:01:45,146 --> 00:01:46,439 Pretty uneventful, actually. 25 00:01:46,523 --> 00:01:48,792 I can't believe they let someone like you serve on a jury. 26 00:01:48,816 --> 00:01:50,777 Makes me question the whole judicial system. 27 00:01:50,985 --> 00:01:52,070 What was the case? 28 00:01:52,153 --> 00:01:53,238 A hit and run. 29 00:01:53,821 --> 00:01:55,781 Ooh! The case of the hit and run. That's exciting. 30 00:01:55,823 --> 00:01:57,158 Did you send him to the slammer? 31 00:01:57,242 --> 00:01:58,785 No. Not guilty. 32 00:01:58,993 --> 00:02:00,495 Of course you found him not guilty. 33 00:02:01,246 --> 00:02:04,499 (Mocking) He apologized. And I just really want him to like me. Mmm! 34 00:02:05,208 --> 00:02:06,352 We're best friends, actually. 35 00:02:06,376 --> 00:02:08,604 We're going wine tasting next weekend, if you want to come. 36 00:02:08,628 --> 00:02:09,796 Not coming. Have plans. 37 00:02:09,921 --> 00:02:11,089 Okay. 38 00:02:11,172 --> 00:02:13,383 I did get called into jury duty. 39 00:02:13,466 --> 00:02:15,343 And they released me around noon, 40 00:02:15,426 --> 00:02:17,428 so I didn't think it was worth it 41 00:02:17,512 --> 00:02:19,556 to come back to work for a half day. 42 00:02:19,639 --> 00:02:22,600 And then the next morning, Pam was a little overwhelmed with the kids, 43 00:02:22,684 --> 00:02:25,186 so I took an extra day to help out. 44 00:02:26,187 --> 00:02:28,648 And then, three other days happened. 45 00:02:29,482 --> 00:02:30,692 (Computer beeps) Ah! 46 00:02:31,025 --> 00:02:32,694 Angela had the baby! 47 00:02:32,944 --> 00:02:35,822 Is it black? Because that would be hilarious. 48 00:02:37,907 --> 00:02:39,075 You know. 49 00:02:39,158 --> 00:02:42,036 Would it be more hilarious than Angela having a Chinese baby? 50 00:02:42,495 --> 00:02:45,873 A little bit. Yeah. Right, guys? Back me up. 51 00:02:46,874 --> 00:02:47,874 Maybe a little bit. 52 00:02:47,917 --> 00:02:49,669 Oh. Did iwin the pool? 53 00:02:50,169 --> 00:02:52,255 Uh, no. Right month, wrong year. 54 00:02:52,839 --> 00:02:55,425 No one won the pool. Angela wasn't due for another month. 55 00:02:55,508 --> 00:02:57,468 We should all go to the hospital and visit her. 56 00:02:57,552 --> 00:02:59,679 Oh, I'd love to, but... 57 00:02:59,929 --> 00:03:02,307 Oh, man, I would, but I can't miss any more work. 58 00:03:02,390 --> 00:03:05,893 Well, Kevin and I have to go, because accounting is its own little family. 59 00:03:05,977 --> 00:03:10,773 Yeah, Oscar's the dad, I'm Oscar's dad and Angela's my mom. 60 00:03:11,274 --> 00:03:13,610 Everyone, our very own Angela... 61 00:03:13,693 --> 00:03:15,893 We all got the e-mail. Some of us are going to go visit. 62 00:03:15,945 --> 00:03:17,488 Oh, I am so in. 63 00:03:17,905 --> 00:03:19,824 I love maternity wards. 64 00:03:20,074 --> 00:03:22,160 It's the perfect blend of love and horror. 65 00:03:22,243 --> 00:03:24,996 Things can go so wrong or so right. 66 00:03:27,498 --> 00:03:30,293 Come on, judge Judy, tell us your case. What were the deets? 67 00:03:30,376 --> 00:03:32,003 It was actually a pretty boring case. 68 00:03:32,086 --> 00:03:35,131 How could it be boring? You were there for five days. Titillate us. 69 00:03:35,214 --> 00:03:38,468 Yeah, you owe us. I had to stay until 6:00 twice to cover for you. 70 00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:40,345 My wife got to the TV first. 71 00:03:40,428 --> 00:03:43,014 I had to sit through damn rizzoli & damn isles. 72 00:03:43,097 --> 00:03:45,892 Yeah. My car got smashed visiting one of your clients, 73 00:03:45,975 --> 00:03:48,978 and I had to have it detailed and they took my meter change. 74 00:03:49,312 --> 00:03:50,355 Wow. I'm really sorry. 75 00:03:50,438 --> 00:03:51,481 Phyllis: Yeah. 76 00:03:51,898 --> 00:03:53,816 I never considered that my week off 77 00:03:53,900 --> 00:03:56,402 would make everyone else's job harder. 78 00:03:57,570 --> 00:03:59,614 The least I could do was give them a good story. 79 00:04:00,448 --> 00:04:01,866 So Phyllis, he was here and then, 80 00:04:01,949 --> 00:04:04,535 the car came and it was like that. 81 00:04:04,619 --> 00:04:06,704 Yeah, so it had to be a double backflip, actually. 82 00:04:06,788 --> 00:04:10,333 You know, when I was on j-duties, strangler case, 83 00:04:10,416 --> 00:04:15,296 we used to recreate the various straninngs with empanadas from Ernesto's. 84 00:04:15,588 --> 00:04:17,131 Oh, man, Ernesto's. 85 00:04:17,215 --> 00:04:18,841 That was our favorite restaurant, too. 86 00:04:19,008 --> 00:04:21,177 You mean food truck. Ernesto's was a food truck. 87 00:04:21,260 --> 00:04:22,860 Toby, shut your hole about the empanadas. 88 00:04:22,887 --> 00:04:24,722 Nobody cares about the empanadas. 89 00:04:24,931 --> 00:04:26,516 I was in Los Angeles iastyear 90 00:04:26,599 --> 00:04:30,061 Jim tricked me into thinking I'd won a walk-on part on nc/s, 91 00:04:30,144 --> 00:04:31,144 but that's not important. 92 00:04:31,187 --> 00:04:34,732 While I was being kicked off the lot, I saw food trucks everywhere. 93 00:04:34,816 --> 00:04:36,693 Everyone in Los Angeles eats from them 94 00:04:36,776 --> 00:04:39,779 and nobody calls them restaurants. 95 00:04:46,411 --> 00:04:49,580 (Whispers) Guys, I don't know how many of you have seen... 96 00:04:49,664 --> 00:04:51,416 Gabe, bring it in. 97 00:04:51,499 --> 00:04:54,419 I don't know how many of you have seen a premature baby before. 98 00:04:54,502 --> 00:04:57,380 It's going to be really tiny, so please don't say anything offensive. 99 00:04:57,839 --> 00:04:59,006 Got that, bimbo? 100 00:04:59,090 --> 00:05:00,591 Got it, bimbo. 101 00:05:00,675 --> 00:05:01,718 (Knocking on door) 102 00:05:01,801 --> 00:05:02,844 Angela: Yes? 103 00:05:03,428 --> 00:05:04,971 Knock, knock. (Gasps) 104 00:05:05,638 --> 00:05:06,681 Kevin: Hi. Angela: Uh... 105 00:05:09,726 --> 00:05:12,437 I don't want... what are you guys doing here? 106 00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:14,840 We wanted to say hi to the newest little dunder mifflinite. 107 00:05:14,897 --> 00:05:20,486 We”, meet our not-so-little bundle of joy, Philip halsted lipton. 108 00:05:20,695 --> 00:05:22,113 Philip is so fat. 109 00:05:22,196 --> 00:05:23,322 Kevin. 110 00:05:23,406 --> 00:05:25,825 You warned me not to say anything if it was tiny, Oscar. 111 00:05:25,908 --> 00:05:28,786 You didn't prepare me for a big, giant, fat baby. 112 00:05:28,870 --> 00:05:30,705 Yes, he's substantial. Hey! 113 00:05:30,788 --> 00:05:33,708 He's more than substantial. He's a monster. 114 00:05:36,753 --> 00:05:38,021 So this whole hit and run thing, 115 00:05:38,045 --> 00:05:39,964 there's this one part I can't figure out. 116 00:05:40,047 --> 00:05:41,507 You said it was at a four-way stop? 117 00:05:41,591 --> 00:05:42,592 Mmm-hmm. 118 00:05:42,717 --> 00:05:46,763 And the victim rode his bicycle into the left-hand turn Lane, 119 00:05:46,846 --> 00:05:49,557 but the perp was already in the left-hand turn Lane? 120 00:05:49,849 --> 00:05:50,892 Mmm-hmm. 121 00:05:51,017 --> 00:05:54,729 See, that's what I'm having trouble with, because the fact is 122 00:05:56,063 --> 00:05:58,441 you never said he was on a bicycle. 123 00:06:00,985 --> 00:06:02,111 (Laughing) 124 00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:05,323 Busted, Halpert! Yes! Wait. No. 125 00:06:05,406 --> 00:06:06,574 Andy, get out here! 126 00:06:06,657 --> 00:06:07,843 I never said he was on a bicycle. 127 00:06:07,867 --> 00:06:09,261 I just said I wasn't listening to you. 128 00:06:09,285 --> 00:06:10,536 I am making a citizen's arrest. 129 00:06:10,620 --> 00:06:11,930 You have the right to remain silent. 130 00:06:11,954 --> 00:06:13,223 You have the right to beg for mercy. 131 00:06:13,247 --> 00:06:16,292 You have the right to request judgment by combat! Dwight's rights! 132 00:06:16,709 --> 00:06:17,835 What's up, gangsters? 133 00:06:18,377 --> 00:06:20,671 Jim was lying about jury duty. 134 00:06:20,755 --> 00:06:24,091 He was lying the whole time so he could go do yoga or go canoeing, 135 00:06:24,175 --> 00:06:26,677 I don't know what this pervert likes. Fire him! 136 00:06:27,261 --> 00:06:29,847 Dwight, not everything is a conspiracy theory. 137 00:06:30,181 --> 00:06:33,392 I have Jim on the record saying that the victim... 138 00:06:33,476 --> 00:06:35,603 Dwight, I have me on the record 139 00:06:35,686 --> 00:06:38,815 saying to you, take a chill pill, all right? 140 00:06:39,106 --> 00:06:40,441 I don't need to take a chill pill. 141 00:06:40,775 --> 00:06:41,776 Here, right there. 142 00:06:45,613 --> 00:06:46,864 Down the hatch. 143 00:06:46,948 --> 00:06:49,742 I really don't want to take a chill pill. 144 00:06:50,076 --> 00:06:53,412 That a boy, good. Now, chill. 145 00:06:53,496 --> 00:06:54,497 Okay, okay. 146 00:06:55,164 --> 00:06:56,249 (Exhales) 147 00:06:57,458 --> 00:07:01,170 (Speaking calmly) But let's just say that Jim was lying aboutjury duty, 148 00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:02,839 you would have to fire him, right? 149 00:07:03,631 --> 00:07:06,551 Yeah, sure. Of course. I'd fire him to timbuktu! 150 00:07:06,634 --> 00:07:07,718 Ha-ha! 151 00:07:09,387 --> 00:07:11,138 Good enough for me. 152 00:07:12,306 --> 00:07:13,349 Ah! 153 00:07:16,727 --> 00:07:19,397 And Pam was just going crazy trying to take care of Philip, 154 00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:21,816 because Cece has been out of control recently. 155 00:07:22,942 --> 00:07:26,571 Look, Andy, it doesn't matter. The truth is I just feel terrible lying to you. 156 00:07:26,654 --> 00:07:28,990 I feel terrible getting lied to. 157 00:07:29,699 --> 00:07:31,325 No one's ever lied to me before. 158 00:07:33,327 --> 00:07:34,412 Okay. 159 00:07:34,495 --> 00:07:36,330 I think the best thing to do right now 160 00:07:36,414 --> 00:07:38,207 is just come clean and tell everybody... 161 00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:41,085 No. Not after what I told Dwight about firing you. No. 162 00:07:41,168 --> 00:07:42,368 Here's what we're going to do. 163 00:07:42,879 --> 00:07:45,239 We're going to have ourselves a good old fashioned cover-up. 164 00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:48,217 You ever heard of a Connecticut cover up? No. 165 00:07:48,426 --> 00:07:50,303 You know why you never heard of it? 166 00:07:50,386 --> 00:07:51,429 Covered it up. 167 00:07:52,680 --> 00:07:54,473 Are you sure you can keep this under wraps? 168 00:07:54,557 --> 00:07:56,392 They used to call me king tut, 169 00:07:56,475 --> 00:07:59,061 because I'm so good at keeping things under wraps. 170 00:07:59,270 --> 00:08:01,814 My nickname was actually king butt, 171 00:08:01,898 --> 00:08:03,649 because I had a king-sized butt. 172 00:08:12,575 --> 00:08:13,701 Where do you want it parked? 173 00:08:15,202 --> 00:08:18,623 Okay, everybody! Gather round. 174 00:08:18,706 --> 00:08:20,750 Got a real special surprise for you. 175 00:08:20,833 --> 00:08:22,043 Ernesto! 176 00:08:22,376 --> 00:08:23,753 Hola, Toby! (Gagging) 177 00:08:24,253 --> 00:08:25,379 (Laughing) 178 00:08:25,880 --> 00:08:30,927 (Speaking in Spanish) 179 00:08:31,385 --> 00:08:34,096 Uh, I'm going to say "I" when I'm talking for Ernesto, 180 00:08:34,180 --> 00:08:36,432 so instead of, "he says blah, blah, blah," 181 00:08:36,515 --> 00:08:39,393 I'm going to say, "I say blah, blah, blah," but that's for him. 182 00:08:39,894 --> 00:08:43,356 Anyway, it was something like, he remembers Toby. 183 00:08:44,148 --> 00:08:45,191 "I remember Toby." 184 00:08:45,983 --> 00:08:49,695 Oh, Jim. Hey, this guy look familiar? 185 00:08:50,154 --> 00:08:51,322 It's the empanada guy. 186 00:08:51,405 --> 00:08:52,531 The empanada guy! 187 00:08:52,615 --> 00:08:56,077 Holy (bleep). Damn it, Toby. No, I wasn't asking you. 188 00:08:56,243 --> 00:08:57,244 (Sighs) 189 00:08:57,328 --> 00:08:58,704 Ask him if he remembers Jim. 190 00:08:58,871 --> 00:09:00,081 (In Spanish) 191 00:09:05,086 --> 00:09:06,128 He says no. 192 00:09:06,212 --> 00:09:07,463 He says no. Boom! 193 00:09:07,546 --> 00:09:09,149 Yeah, but who remembers all their customers? 194 00:09:09,173 --> 00:09:11,300 I mean, I can name like three of our clients. 195 00:09:11,384 --> 00:09:14,428 He remembers Toby, the most forgettable man in the known world. 196 00:09:14,845 --> 00:09:18,683 (In Spanish) 197 00:09:18,766 --> 00:09:20,643 He doesn't want any trouble. 198 00:09:20,726 --> 00:09:22,311 He sees lots of people, 199 00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:25,231 they come from all around to eat his delicious meat pockets. 200 00:09:25,314 --> 00:09:29,443 Uh, you guys are going to love these, so empanadas on me. 201 00:09:29,527 --> 00:09:30,528 You guys got to try them. 202 00:09:30,611 --> 00:09:34,865 Usually I'm a burrito guy, but if you won't tell, I won't. Wink, wink. 203 00:09:35,032 --> 00:09:37,743 Great. And while we're enjoying these delicious empanadas, 204 00:09:37,827 --> 00:09:40,121 Jim, why don't you tell us your story again? 205 00:09:40,204 --> 00:09:41,288 Why? Everybody's heard it. 206 00:09:41,747 --> 00:09:43,082 Walk us through it. 207 00:09:43,165 --> 00:09:44,885 What time would you get there every morning? 208 00:09:45,126 --> 00:09:46,711 Hey, murder, she wrote, 209 00:09:46,794 --> 00:09:50,339 how about we drop the whole murder, she wrote thing, okay? 210 00:09:50,506 --> 00:09:53,384 Jim was at the courthouse for jury duty every morning. 211 00:09:53,467 --> 00:09:56,137 How do I know? Because I drove him there. 212 00:09:56,887 --> 00:09:58,723 Why? 213 00:10:02,059 --> 00:10:03,644 Because my car broke down. 214 00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:05,730 His car broke down, so he called me 215 00:10:05,813 --> 00:10:06,957 because I live near the courthouse. 216 00:10:06,981 --> 00:10:09,942 Wait, wait, you live by the courthouse. 217 00:10:10,026 --> 00:10:13,404 You drove from near the courthouse out to Jim's house 218 00:10:13,487 --> 00:10:14,947 and then back to the courthouse? 219 00:10:15,031 --> 00:10:17,575 Thirty minutes out, 30 minutes back, easy hour. 220 00:10:17,658 --> 00:10:19,452 And I would watch that cute, little tooshy 221 00:10:19,535 --> 00:10:21,787 scurry up those courthouse stairs every morning, 222 00:10:21,871 --> 00:10:23,539 and that was that. 223 00:10:24,081 --> 00:10:28,002 I'm sorry, do you have any American Mexican food? 224 00:10:28,586 --> 00:10:30,254 We're getting buried out there. 225 00:10:30,337 --> 00:10:32,024 What was that stuff about the car breaking down? 226 00:10:32,048 --> 00:10:33,841 Well, I think you handled it pretty well. 227 00:10:33,966 --> 00:10:37,386 I'm not rumpelstiltskin, Jim, I can't keep spinning gold out of your (bleep). 228 00:10:37,511 --> 00:10:39,096 Okay, listen, all right? 229 00:10:39,180 --> 00:10:41,450 Dwight's onto us. He's going to figure it out really soon. 230 00:10:41,474 --> 00:10:43,514 So let's just get ahead of it. Let's tell the truth. 231 00:10:44,435 --> 00:10:46,437 I don't even know what the truth is anymore. 232 00:10:47,229 --> 00:10:48,773 Wow, it's so 233 00:10:49,565 --> 00:10:50,775 healthy. 234 00:10:50,858 --> 00:10:53,402 I'm going to call him little Kevin. 235 00:10:53,486 --> 00:10:54,862 No, you will not. 236 00:10:54,945 --> 00:10:58,282 Is he really five pounds? Because I squat with five pounds. 237 00:10:58,824 --> 00:10:59,909 This... 238 00:11:00,409 --> 00:11:02,328 (Grunts) Yeah, this feels like more than that. 239 00:11:02,411 --> 00:11:05,039 No, no, no, he's nine pounds, seven ounces. 240 00:11:05,998 --> 00:11:07,875 Nine pounds? Really? 241 00:11:08,375 --> 00:11:11,796 I thought you said five. You know what? I was under so many drugs. 242 00:11:11,879 --> 00:11:15,591 I felt like I was at a James Taylor concert or something. 243 00:11:16,717 --> 00:11:17,760 So, what did you bring? 244 00:11:17,843 --> 00:11:20,930 Oh, yeah, I don't know if it's right, but... 245 00:11:21,013 --> 00:11:24,308 Well, if it's anything like that gorgeous wrapping paper, 246 00:11:24,391 --> 00:11:25,476 you hit it out of the park. 247 00:11:26,769 --> 00:11:27,853 Oh! 248 00:11:28,062 --> 00:11:29,688 Preemie pajamas. 249 00:11:29,772 --> 00:11:31,532 Again, it may not be the right size, I can... 250 00:11:31,565 --> 00:11:34,944 No, I think he came early just so he could wear these. 251 00:11:35,152 --> 00:11:36,153 Thank you. 252 00:11:36,237 --> 00:11:38,656 I got little Kevin call of duty. 253 00:11:38,739 --> 00:11:41,200 This baby is clearly not premature. 254 00:11:41,283 --> 00:11:43,160 They're lying about the date it was conceived. 255 00:11:43,244 --> 00:11:45,121 It's very interesting. 256 00:11:45,246 --> 00:11:49,291 And her husband's gay. I don't even know which thread to follow. 257 00:11:57,258 --> 00:12:00,636 Uh, excuse me, can I have everyone's attention for a second? 258 00:12:00,845 --> 00:12:02,531 First off, I just want to say that I'm really sorry. 259 00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:04,348 I didn't know that my absence last week 260 00:12:04,431 --> 00:12:06,183 would have been a burden on any of you. 261 00:12:06,267 --> 00:12:09,353 Because, though I did have jury duty last week, 262 00:12:09,854 --> 00:12:12,940 they did dismiss me early on Monday. 263 00:12:14,525 --> 00:12:16,777 And I think you're going to find this pretty hilarious. 264 00:12:16,861 --> 00:12:20,823 I kind of, well, maybe took the week off. 265 00:12:22,241 --> 00:12:23,241 What? 266 00:12:23,284 --> 00:12:25,327 Funny? No? Nobody laughed. 267 00:12:25,452 --> 00:12:26,787 (Laughing) 268 00:12:26,871 --> 00:12:28,414 You're screwed. 269 00:12:29,206 --> 00:12:32,418 Oh! It's happening. It's really happening. 270 00:12:32,501 --> 00:12:35,254 What the hell, Jim, I covered for your bony butt. 271 00:12:35,337 --> 00:12:37,548 Pam really needed some help with the kids, so... 272 00:12:37,631 --> 00:12:39,133 I promise my intentions were good. 273 00:12:39,216 --> 00:12:40,843 Your clients, they're all mine. 274 00:12:40,926 --> 00:12:45,264 Jim, I got my ass chewed out because one of your orders got messed up. 275 00:12:45,681 --> 00:12:47,725 And Andy, you said you drove him to the courthouse. 276 00:12:47,850 --> 00:12:49,018 Uh, I did. 277 00:12:50,144 --> 00:12:53,147 Every morning. And if I didn't, then I hope I die. 278 00:12:53,480 --> 00:12:57,985 All right, well, let's get this show on the road, shall we? 279 00:12:58,068 --> 00:13:00,988 Allow me to give you a hand. Here we are. 280 00:13:01,071 --> 00:13:03,199 So long, clump mate. 281 00:13:03,908 --> 00:13:05,534 I'm going to miss you. Truth be told, 282 00:13:05,618 --> 00:13:08,287 lneverthought that this was how it was going to end. 283 00:13:08,370 --> 00:13:10,414 I always thought I was going to defeat you somehow, 284 00:13:10,497 --> 00:13:11,657 but you've defeated yourself. 285 00:13:12,374 --> 00:13:14,835 Dwight, cut it out. I'm not firing Jim. 286 00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:16,587 No, no, no, no, you said... 287 00:13:16,670 --> 00:13:18,422 Andy: I know what I said. 288 00:13:18,505 --> 00:13:22,593 Jim, you're in deep doo-doo, you understand? 289 00:13:22,676 --> 00:13:24,029 And I have one thing to say to you, 290 00:13:24,053 --> 00:13:26,263 and I'm going to say it in front of this whole office. 291 00:13:26,347 --> 00:13:27,681 Look me in the eye. 292 00:13:31,352 --> 00:13:32,436 That's it? 293 00:13:33,812 --> 00:13:35,272 This is crap! 294 00:13:37,816 --> 00:13:40,086 Gabe: (On answering machine) You've reached Gabe Lewis. I'm currently indisposed. 295 00:13:40,110 --> 00:13:42,029 Leave me a message. Ciao. 296 00:13:42,112 --> 00:13:43,280 Gabe, it's Dwight again. 297 00:13:43,364 --> 00:13:45,449 Highest priority, triple urgent. 298 00:13:45,532 --> 00:13:48,118 Call me immediately. That means asap. 299 00:13:48,786 --> 00:13:50,621 I'm going to find Gabe, tell him what Jim did 300 00:13:50,704 --> 00:13:53,707 and let the little stickler do what he does best, stickle. 301 00:13:54,833 --> 00:13:57,378 Honestly, I can return this for a larger size. 302 00:13:57,586 --> 00:14:00,381 It's fine. Pajamas aren't supposed to be baggy, right? 303 00:14:00,464 --> 00:14:01,715 It's not the barrio. 304 00:14:03,008 --> 00:14:06,553 The only premature baby in this room is the baby this baby ate. 305 00:14:07,888 --> 00:14:09,223 (Chuckung) 306 00:14:09,306 --> 00:14:10,766 Little Kevin. 307 00:14:11,058 --> 00:14:12,685 Really? Angela. 308 00:14:12,893 --> 00:14:14,228 Fine. God. 309 00:14:14,979 --> 00:14:16,855 Philip was conceived nine months ago. 310 00:14:18,399 --> 00:14:20,776 The senator and I wanted to wait, 311 00:14:21,318 --> 00:14:23,153 but we had just seen Thor, 312 00:14:23,237 --> 00:14:25,656 and there was way too much wine in my chicken piccata. 313 00:14:25,739 --> 00:14:27,491 Chicken marsala. Right. 314 00:14:27,574 --> 00:14:31,161 And, the point is, Philip was conceived out of wedlock. 315 00:14:31,245 --> 00:14:32,329 Hmm. 316 00:14:32,454 --> 00:14:35,666 And now you all know, but you can never tell. 317 00:14:36,125 --> 00:14:37,543 I'm serious. 318 00:14:39,211 --> 00:14:40,421 Dwight. 319 00:14:40,629 --> 00:14:41,630 Hey. 320 00:14:41,755 --> 00:14:42,857 Oh. Hey, have you seen Gabe? 321 00:14:42,881 --> 00:14:45,050 He went to the car or something, but he'll be back. 322 00:14:45,426 --> 00:14:46,427 Okay. 323 00:14:48,470 --> 00:14:49,513 (Exhales) 324 00:14:49,596 --> 00:14:50,848 Don't you want to see the baby? 325 00:14:51,515 --> 00:14:54,268 Why? I know what Angela and the senator look like. 326 00:14:54,351 --> 00:14:56,687 I can mash that up in my head right now. 327 00:14:59,690 --> 00:15:01,025 I promised I wouldn't tell. 328 00:15:01,275 --> 00:15:02,318 So don't. 329 00:15:02,860 --> 00:15:06,030 Angela got pregnant before the wedding. 330 00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:09,325 What? 331 00:15:09,575 --> 00:15:10,760 She got pregnant before the wedding. 332 00:15:10,784 --> 00:15:12,453 How long before? A month. 333 00:15:19,084 --> 00:15:20,252 You didn't hear it from me. 334 00:15:20,336 --> 00:15:21,712 Yes, I did. 335 00:15:26,633 --> 00:15:28,010 Dwight? Dwight. 336 00:15:28,093 --> 00:15:29,136 I want to see the baby. 337 00:15:29,219 --> 00:15:32,139 Well, Angela will make you cut your fingernails. It's not worth it. 338 00:15:32,973 --> 00:15:34,058 Oh! 339 00:15:34,475 --> 00:15:35,559 Yes. 340 00:15:36,393 --> 00:15:37,478 Oh! 341 00:15:37,686 --> 00:15:42,441 What a beautiful child. Prominent forehead, short arms, tiny nose. 342 00:15:43,942 --> 00:15:45,819 You will lead millions, 343 00:15:46,487 --> 00:15:48,822 willingly or as slaves. 344 00:15:49,198 --> 00:15:53,327 That baby is a schrute, and unless somebody taught mose sex, 345 00:15:53,660 --> 00:15:55,329 that baby is mine. 346 00:15:56,914 --> 00:15:58,248 He's hungry. 347 00:15:58,332 --> 00:16:00,417 Oh, that's my cue toleave. 348 00:16:00,501 --> 00:16:02,270 No, you don't have to. I'm going to wear this cover. 349 00:16:02,294 --> 00:16:03,462 Still. 350 00:16:04,171 --> 00:16:05,214 Still. 351 00:16:05,297 --> 00:16:06,423 You won't be seeing... 352 00:16:08,842 --> 00:16:09,843 Do you want the giraffe? 353 00:16:09,927 --> 00:16:12,846 Jim: Yes, I am bringing my kids in to help me get out of this hole. 354 00:16:12,930 --> 00:16:14,681 And you all remember my beautiful wife, Pam. 355 00:16:16,683 --> 00:16:18,769 Wow, I really thought I'd be more excited to be here. 356 00:16:18,852 --> 00:16:20,646 Whoa, whoa, whoa! Game face, baby. Game face. 357 00:16:20,729 --> 00:16:21,772 Oh, right. Okay. 358 00:16:21,855 --> 00:16:23,565 Hey, Stanley, it's great to see you! 359 00:16:23,649 --> 00:16:24,667 No, that's overdoing it, I think. 360 00:16:24,691 --> 00:16:26,777 Hi, Stanley. Split the difference. 361 00:16:26,860 --> 00:16:28,529 Jim. Okay. Let's go. 362 00:16:28,946 --> 00:16:29,988 Pam: Hi. 363 00:16:31,323 --> 00:16:32,783 Hi, everybody. 364 00:16:32,866 --> 00:16:34,451 What? Oh, hi. 365 00:16:34,535 --> 00:16:35,911 How about a little visit? 366 00:16:35,994 --> 00:16:38,956 Wow. What a surprise. That's crazy. 367 00:16:39,039 --> 00:16:40,958 You guys get to meet the little heck raisers. 368 00:16:41,041 --> 00:16:42,709 Hey, Angela's back with her baby. 369 00:16:42,793 --> 00:16:44,461 Yes, well, you guys all know Cece, 370 00:16:44,545 --> 00:16:46,547 but we wanted to introduce you to baby Philip. 371 00:16:46,672 --> 00:16:47,756 (Gasps) 372 00:16:49,383 --> 00:16:50,676 You guys. 373 00:16:53,053 --> 00:16:54,972 He's licking on my finger just like my cat does. 374 00:16:55,055 --> 00:16:56,181 Let me have a turn. 375 00:16:56,265 --> 00:16:57,367 No, it's the pacifier's turn. 376 00:16:57,391 --> 00:16:58,434 All right. 377 00:16:58,517 --> 00:17:00,144 Did you say something about 378 00:17:00,227 --> 00:17:03,397 this one bringing in something for these people? 379 00:17:03,480 --> 00:17:06,650 Yes. Cece wanted to thank everybody 380 00:17:06,775 --> 00:17:10,195 for letting her daddy stay home with her all last week and play, 381 00:17:10,279 --> 00:17:11,864 so she brought you a little treat. 382 00:17:11,947 --> 00:17:13,115 Oh, cookies? 383 00:17:13,198 --> 00:17:14,801 No. But that would have been a really good idea. 384 00:17:14,825 --> 00:17:15,885 That would have been really good. 385 00:17:15,909 --> 00:17:18,579 No, she brought you drawings. 386 00:17:18,787 --> 00:17:21,165 Oh, my goodness, let's take a look at these. 387 00:17:21,248 --> 00:17:25,878 They're usually amazing, so let's see. Yep, they are. 388 00:17:25,961 --> 00:17:27,337 Uncle Andy. 389 00:17:27,421 --> 00:17:28,464 Oh! 390 00:17:28,547 --> 00:17:29,798 Aunt Phyllis. 391 00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:33,051 Wow. These are incredible. Cece, did you do these? 392 00:17:34,261 --> 00:17:37,931 She says no to everything. You know, she thinks my name is "no." 393 00:17:38,015 --> 00:17:39,850 Cece, do you want some broccoli? 394 00:17:39,933 --> 00:17:40,934 Yes. 395 00:17:42,769 --> 00:17:43,896 It's crazy. 396 00:17:43,979 --> 00:17:46,607 Why am I shorter than the table that I'm standing next to? 397 00:17:47,399 --> 00:17:49,776 Andy: There is crosshatching in some of these. 398 00:17:49,860 --> 00:17:51,695 That's kind of advanced for a 2-year-old. 399 00:17:51,778 --> 00:17:54,406 Cece, this is your big sister, Kelly. 400 00:17:55,073 --> 00:17:56,393 Did you color this pretty picture? 401 00:17:57,618 --> 00:17:59,786 So then this means nothing to you? 402 00:18:01,330 --> 00:18:02,623 An dy: Hey, Cece, 403 00:18:02,998 --> 00:18:07,419 why don't you draw another picture for us exactly like this one, 404 00:18:07,878 --> 00:18:10,547 or at least in the exact same style? 405 00:18:10,714 --> 00:18:13,800 You know what? I don't think you need to do things on command. 406 00:18:13,884 --> 00:18:16,720 That's very weird. Just take that. Thank you. 407 00:18:16,803 --> 00:18:19,973 I think we should just wrap up the show, kiddos, right? 408 00:18:20,599 --> 00:18:22,267 I don't know what else we can do here. 409 00:18:22,351 --> 00:18:23,393 (Crying) 410 00:18:23,477 --> 00:18:24,728 Okay. All right. 411 00:18:24,811 --> 00:18:26,522 Pam: It's okay, sweetie. All right. 412 00:18:26,605 --> 00:18:28,232 All right. Okay. 413 00:18:29,066 --> 00:18:30,400 (Cece continues crying) 414 00:18:31,318 --> 00:18:32,653 It's okay. 415 00:18:32,903 --> 00:18:34,446 I know. I know. Shh. 416 00:18:36,782 --> 00:18:41,078 Angela, this child is definitely mine. He looks just like me. 417 00:18:41,161 --> 00:18:42,871 Every baby looks just like you. 418 00:18:42,955 --> 00:18:44,355 Your face kind of looks like a baby. 419 00:18:44,414 --> 00:18:48,919 Need I remind you that we were together a month before the wedding? 420 00:18:49,002 --> 00:18:51,088 That is completely untrue. 421 00:18:51,171 --> 00:18:52,172 Completely true. 422 00:18:52,256 --> 00:18:53,257 Remember? No. 423 00:18:53,340 --> 00:18:55,217 You said that Robert was not fulfilling you. 424 00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:56,694 And I said that I could fulfill you, 425 00:18:56,718 --> 00:18:58,071 and you said, "I'd like to see you try." 426 00:18:58,095 --> 00:19:00,323 And then I kissed you with the force of a thousand waterfalls. 427 00:19:00,347 --> 00:19:01,682 That didn't happen. 428 00:19:01,765 --> 00:19:03,350 Then I inserted my penis into your... 429 00:19:03,433 --> 00:19:04,977 No! Stop it! Dwight. 430 00:19:05,060 --> 00:19:06,186 Vagina and... 431 00:19:06,270 --> 00:19:07,539 And even if it did, it's just a coincidence. 432 00:19:07,563 --> 00:19:09,163 Admit that there is a chance. I will not. 433 00:19:09,189 --> 00:19:10,190 Admit it. I will not. 434 00:19:10,232 --> 00:19:11,272 It's not... (Door opening) 435 00:19:12,025 --> 00:19:13,527 All done? Yes. 436 00:19:13,610 --> 00:19:15,195 Yes. He's sleeping. 437 00:19:15,279 --> 00:19:17,030 Before I go, may I? 438 00:19:17,406 --> 00:19:18,532 Sure. 439 00:19:19,491 --> 00:19:21,785 Watch the head. Watch the head. 440 00:19:31,628 --> 00:19:33,547 Nurse! You know that baby in there? Baby Philip? 441 00:19:33,630 --> 00:19:35,090 Cancel the circumcision. 442 00:19:35,173 --> 00:19:36,174 Who are you? 443 00:19:39,052 --> 00:19:41,013 I just might be his father. 444 00:19:41,513 --> 00:19:43,724 I don't know what that means. 445 00:19:44,266 --> 00:19:46,393 We're going to circumcise him. 446 00:19:46,727 --> 00:19:48,020 (Wailing) 447 00:19:48,729 --> 00:19:49,813 Cece, want to come? 448 00:19:50,939 --> 00:19:52,482 Want to come play? Oh, bud, I know. 449 00:19:52,566 --> 00:19:53,566 Do you have a pacifier? 450 00:19:53,609 --> 00:19:55,569 Yeah. I'm looking. I'm looking for the pacifier. 451 00:19:56,111 --> 00:19:57,654 Okay, we're going. Cece! 452 00:19:57,738 --> 00:20:00,073 We got to go. All right, we're going home. 453 00:20:01,742 --> 00:20:03,910 I know. I know, bud. I know. 454 00:20:03,994 --> 00:20:05,120 (Pam shushing) 455 00:20:05,746 --> 00:20:07,789 You gotta grab her. I'll go grab her. Okay. 456 00:20:07,873 --> 00:20:10,208 Okay. Here we go. Here we go. 457 00:20:10,334 --> 00:20:12,770 Okay, I'm just going to go down to the car, and I'm going to put her 458 00:20:12,794 --> 00:20:14,588 in her seat and I'll be right back up. 459 00:20:16,256 --> 00:20:17,507 We'll see you tomorrow. 460 00:20:17,591 --> 00:20:18,776 No, no, it's okay. I'll be right back. 461 00:20:18,800 --> 00:20:19,885 No, just go home. 462 00:20:19,968 --> 00:20:22,012 It's all good. We got this. 463 00:20:22,095 --> 00:20:23,555 I have a kid. 464 00:20:23,847 --> 00:20:25,724 Last week, Jim at home, 465 00:20:27,142 --> 00:20:28,935 that was no vacation. 466 00:20:29,353 --> 00:20:30,520 Phyllis: Jim, just go. 467 00:20:30,604 --> 00:20:32,564 Hey, we'll be just fine. 468 00:20:34,441 --> 00:20:35,859 Thanks, guys. 469 00:20:36,276 --> 00:20:38,612 All right, here we go. Let's go. 470 00:20:39,488 --> 00:20:41,114 Andy: Oh! (Sighing) 471 00:20:41,281 --> 00:20:42,407 Phew! 472 00:20:52,876 --> 00:20:54,002 Dwight, what the hell? 473 00:20:55,170 --> 00:20:56,672 You can't smoke in here. 474 00:20:56,755 --> 00:20:58,256 Oh, all right. 475 00:20:59,174 --> 00:21:00,217 Ah! 476 00:21:00,300 --> 00:21:02,594 The office looks different now. Mmm. 477 00:21:02,803 --> 00:21:04,012 Smaller. 478 00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:06,682 Maybe I just feel bigger. 479 00:21:07,015 --> 00:21:08,058 Hello, Gabe. 480 00:21:08,141 --> 00:21:09,661 You had something important to tell me? 481 00:21:10,143 --> 00:21:14,481 Oh. You know, I did, but now it seems infinitely insignificant. 482 00:21:15,190 --> 00:21:18,860 Jim? Oh, right. No, forget it. 483 00:21:18,944 --> 00:21:21,446 He was doing it for his kids. I get it. 484 00:21:21,655 --> 00:21:24,074 Kids drive us dads crazy. 485 00:21:24,157 --> 00:21:25,867 Sometimes I feel like they're raising us. 486 00:21:26,201 --> 00:21:27,577 Am I right?