1
00:00:01,376 --> 00:00:04,003
Hey, Jim, Stanley's back
from the hospital today.

2
00:00:04,087 --> 00:00:05,505
Can you sign his card?
Oh, great.

3
00:00:07,549 --> 00:00:10,718
"Glad they didn't mix up your
tonsillectomy with a mustachectomy."

4
00:00:12,637 --> 00:00:13,638
That's not good.

5
00:00:13,847 --> 00:00:16,015
Oh, because yourjokes
are all hilarious.

6
00:00:16,099 --> 00:00:17,392
It's nice. It's funny.

7
00:00:17,475 --> 00:00:18,953
It mentions his
tonsillectomy and makes

8
00:00:18,977 --> 00:00:20,497
a funny little joke
about his mustache.

9
00:00:20,854 --> 00:00:22,134
Stanley doesn't have a mustache.

10
00:00:24,357 --> 00:00:25,400
Yeah, he does.

11
00:00:25,483 --> 00:00:28,778
Pam, hit the brakes. Stanley
does not have a mustache.

12
00:00:29,946 --> 00:00:35,410
I misspoke, I'm not sure. I think he
has one... I think he has a mustache.

13
00:00:35,618 --> 00:00:37,495
Okay, Phyllis sits
across from him every day.

14
00:00:37,579 --> 00:00:38,973
Phyllis, does he
have a mustache or not?

15
00:00:38,997 --> 00:00:41,583
Oh, I don't know.
Now I think he doesn't.

16
00:00:42,125 --> 00:00:43,710
Phyllis, what are you talking...

17
00:00:43,793 --> 00:00:45,753
The whole card depends on this.

18
00:00:45,837 --> 00:00:47,464
Okay, the man's
worked here for 25 years.

19
00:00:47,547 --> 00:00:49,257
How can none of us
picture his face?

20
00:00:49,340 --> 00:00:50,842
Because we come
here to do our jobs.

21
00:00:50,925 --> 00:00:53,094
We don't stick our noses
in other people's business.

22
00:00:53,470 --> 00:00:56,347
Okay. Which one of these
looks more right?

23
00:00:56,431 --> 00:00:57,783
Dwight: Neither of those
looks like any person

24
00:00:57,807 --> 00:00:59,350
that has ever
existed or been dreamt of

25
00:00:59,434 --> 00:01:00,977
in the history
of human insanity.

26
00:01:01,060 --> 00:01:02,562
That said, the one on the left.

27
00:01:03,438 --> 00:01:06,691
Guys, that's the elevator.
What if it's him?

28
00:01:06,774 --> 00:01:08,943
Okay, quick,
who says "mustache"?

29
00:01:11,613 --> 00:01:13,114
Who says "no mustache"?

30
00:01:20,705 --> 00:01:21,706
Ah! (Laughs)

31
00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:23,958
He does have one.

32
00:01:24,042 --> 00:01:25,043
Yes!

33
00:01:26,628 --> 00:01:28,148
Welcome back, Stanley.
(Stanley grunts)

34
00:01:39,015 --> 00:01:40,475
"Good morning, Robert,"
says no one

35
00:01:40,558 --> 00:01:43,019
because our receptionist
is in Florida.

36
00:01:50,527 --> 00:01:51,569
Pam! Oh!

37
00:01:52,362 --> 00:01:56,908
Is this a video conference you're
having with "Drake featuring swizz beatz"?

38
00:01:57,450 --> 00:01:59,661
Um, no, I was just
having a cup of coffee,

39
00:01:59,744 --> 00:02:00,984
kind of warming up for the day.

40
00:02:01,246 --> 00:02:03,790
People, you should come
to work already warm.

41
00:02:03,998 --> 00:02:08,628
9:00 to 10:00 am. Is the most
productive potential that human beings...

42
00:02:08,711 --> 00:02:10,922
Sorry! Sorry,
everyone, I'm late,

43
00:02:11,005 --> 00:02:14,759
but you are all here, so no
harm done at all by my lateness.

44
00:02:15,093 --> 00:02:17,011
(Chuckles) Nellie, really, 9:50.

45
00:02:17,262 --> 00:02:19,264
Nellie: Oh, here's
what happened.

46
00:02:19,347 --> 00:02:23,601
7:46, my alarm clock goes
off, I hear it, whack the snooze.

47
00:02:24,018 --> 00:02:28,106
Nine minutes. Buzz,
off it goes again, whack.

48
00:02:28,189 --> 00:02:32,569
Seven more times I did that.
Buzz, whack, buzz, whack.

49
00:02:33,403 --> 00:02:35,572
By the time I got up,
it was 10 minutes ago.

50
00:02:35,655 --> 00:02:38,199
No will power. That is my curse.

51
00:02:38,449 --> 00:02:41,452
I've never believed will power
was very important in a woman.

52
00:02:41,786 --> 00:02:42,954
(Laughs)

53
00:02:44,163 --> 00:02:46,499
I don't think you would
have shown up to work

54
00:02:46,583 --> 00:02:48,710
nearly an hour late
for no reason.

55
00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:50,587
Oh, I assure you
I would have done.

56
00:02:50,670 --> 00:02:52,880
I did. And I'll keep doing it.

57
00:02:53,214 --> 00:02:56,259
No, no, there's something
going on, some stress in your life.

58
00:02:56,718 --> 00:03:02,432
Well, yes, there is the whole
moving to Scranton nonsense.

59
00:03:02,724 --> 00:03:07,437
Thirty boxes arrived yesterday from
england and two trunks from Florida.

60
00:03:07,562 --> 00:03:09,647
Then, I have to
move into my apartment

61
00:03:09,731 --> 00:03:12,900
in this dreadful,
god knows where it is,

62
00:03:13,067 --> 00:03:15,028
backwater, suburb of a suburb,

63
00:03:15,445 --> 00:03:16,755
and I mean, no
offense, but are there

64
00:03:16,779 --> 00:03:19,157
a lot of Irish people
living around here?

65
00:03:19,407 --> 00:03:20,742
Yes. Nellie: Oh!

66
00:03:21,159 --> 00:03:23,202
I hate that. No offense.

67
00:03:23,453 --> 00:03:24,495
None taken.

68
00:03:24,579 --> 00:03:27,299
Actually, Nellie, this monologue
you're delivering is very offensive.

69
00:03:27,790 --> 00:03:30,918
Ooh! Ay caramba! The
natives are getting restless.

70
00:03:31,252 --> 00:03:32,545
Who's a native?

71
00:03:33,046 --> 00:03:35,423
Excuse me, the tone
here is getting quite hostile.

72
00:03:35,632 --> 00:03:37,568
I would appreciate it if
you would keep that stuff

73
00:03:37,592 --> 00:03:39,093
on the basketball court.

74
00:03:39,427 --> 00:03:40,947
Oscar: What does that mean?
Okay, okay.

75
00:03:41,012 --> 00:03:43,806
If you'd let me finish.

76
00:03:43,890 --> 00:03:48,311
Or the squash court or
the supreme court. Hmm?

77
00:03:49,562 --> 00:03:51,439
Neme? Yes, robefl.

78
00:03:52,273 --> 00:03:56,319
You're clearly under a lot
of stress with the moving

79
00:03:56,402 --> 00:04:00,114
and the work situation
you've found yourself in.

80
00:04:00,239 --> 00:04:01,240
Yeah.

81
00:04:01,324 --> 00:04:02,909
Let's help her out, shall we?

82
00:04:03,117 --> 00:04:05,703
Go above and beyond today

83
00:04:05,787 --> 00:04:09,248
to show her some of that
warm Scranton hospitality.

84
00:04:10,750 --> 00:04:13,127
Jim, Dwight, take the day.

85
00:04:13,211 --> 00:04:16,964
Help Nellie move those
boxes into her new place.

86
00:04:17,465 --> 00:04:18,466
Why Jim? What?

87
00:04:18,675 --> 00:04:22,387
The rest of you, let's throw
a party at the end of the day

88
00:04:22,470 --> 00:04:25,390
to welcome the newest
member of our little community.

89
00:04:26,557 --> 00:04:28,685
I'm sorry, we're throwing
a party for someone

90
00:04:28,768 --> 00:04:30,144
because they're being horrible?

91
00:04:30,228 --> 00:04:32,105
I'm sorry.
We're taking work time

92
00:04:32,188 --> 00:04:34,500
to move someone's personal
belongings into their new apartment.

93
00:04:34,524 --> 00:04:36,364
I'm still not sure why
this woman is even here!

94
00:04:36,401 --> 00:04:37,652
Why is she here?

95
00:04:38,486 --> 00:04:41,989
(Singing) Two crazy
kids on the journey of life

96
00:04:42,073 --> 00:04:45,034
going to Pennsylvania

97
00:04:45,201 --> 00:04:47,620
on the road with
my new girlfriend.

98
00:04:48,329 --> 00:04:52,083
But first, a small pit stop to
break up with my current girlfriend,

99
00:04:52,166 --> 00:04:55,253
who is at her parents' cabin
in southern Pennsylvania.

100
00:04:55,336 --> 00:04:56,587
Oh, that must be nice.

101
00:04:56,671 --> 00:04:57,755
Mmm-hmm.

102
00:04:57,839 --> 00:05:01,509
It's a beautiful place. Great
place to let her down easy.

103
00:05:01,592 --> 00:05:04,345
Oh, no, no, I meant that
must be nice to have parents.

104
00:05:04,429 --> 00:05:05,513
Oh. Hmm.

105
00:05:06,764 --> 00:05:09,392
(Singing)
Time to have a little kiss

106
00:05:10,685 --> 00:05:12,270
mmm. Sorry, right.

107
00:05:12,395 --> 00:05:14,039
No kisses until the
breakup is official. Yes.

108
00:05:14,063 --> 00:05:15,332
I believe in that. Yes, so do I.

109
00:05:15,356 --> 00:05:18,526
I think that's important. That is
important. Bummer, but important.

110
00:05:18,651 --> 00:05:20,027
Important. Mmm-hmm.

111
00:05:20,445 --> 00:05:22,780
I can't believe he's making
us throw a party for her.

112
00:05:22,864 --> 00:05:23,948
I know. Right?

113
00:05:24,031 --> 00:05:25,471
She's always late,
she's always rude.

114
00:05:25,616 --> 00:05:27,636
It kind of makes me want
to throw a really bad party.

115
00:05:27,660 --> 00:05:28,661
Yeah.

116
00:05:28,786 --> 00:05:29,829
On purpose.

117
00:05:30,663 --> 00:05:31,831
Phyllis.

118
00:05:33,458 --> 00:05:35,218
We should do it right
here in the break room.

119
00:05:35,418 --> 00:05:36,586
Ooh! (Gasps)

120
00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:38,463
Order carrot cake.

121
00:05:39,505 --> 00:05:40,882
(All sniggering)

122
00:05:42,133 --> 00:05:43,342
And Jessica, just so you know,

123
00:05:43,426 --> 00:05:46,929
this is way more about my love for
Erin than anything wrong with you.

124
00:05:47,013 --> 00:05:51,017
Well, Andy, I'm upset, but you
did this in the best way possible,

125
00:05:51,100 --> 00:05:56,439
and I knew you as a lover and
I'll remember you as a gentleman.

126
00:05:56,522 --> 00:05:58,858
Okay. That was one
minute and 10 seconds.

127
00:05:58,941 --> 00:06:00,568
Consider it nailed.

128
00:06:00,693 --> 00:06:01,694
(Exclaims)

129
00:06:02,403 --> 00:06:03,696
I think we should try it again.

130
00:06:03,780 --> 00:06:05,281
This time, worst case scenario.

131
00:06:05,531 --> 00:06:09,202
Okay, here we go. Jessica, I'm
really sorry. I just need you to know...

132
00:06:09,285 --> 00:06:10,912
What?

133
00:06:11,412 --> 00:06:12,663
I just need you to know...

134
00:06:12,747 --> 00:06:14,749
What? I didn't
sleep well last night.

135
00:06:19,212 --> 00:06:20,296
(Grunts)

136
00:06:22,381 --> 00:06:24,651
Nellie, that reminds me, do you
want this chair in the bedroom?

137
00:06:24,675 --> 00:06:26,403
'Cause I don't think it's
going to fit through the door.

138
00:06:26,427 --> 00:06:28,930
Don't listen to Jim. Have
you ever seen him play Tetris?

139
00:06:29,013 --> 00:06:31,682
"Oh, I think I'll just
use this line horizontally.

140
00:06:31,766 --> 00:06:34,393
"Oh, I have no idea
what a gift this line is."

141
00:06:34,477 --> 00:06:35,561
That was one time.

142
00:06:35,645 --> 00:06:38,773
I will get the chair in. Watch the
great "schrut-ini" work his magic.

143
00:06:39,023 --> 00:06:42,527
Oh, no, really? Magic, no,
no, no, let's not go there.

144
00:06:43,110 --> 00:06:46,906
No, nothing is more
repellent than magicians.

145
00:06:46,989 --> 00:06:49,325
Bunch of grown men,
waving wands,

146
00:06:49,408 --> 00:06:51,410
pulling bunnies
out of body crevices.

147
00:06:51,619 --> 00:06:53,704
Magicians are repulsive.
Next topic.

148
00:06:53,788 --> 00:06:54,789
(Cell phone ringing)

149
00:06:54,872 --> 00:06:55,957
Excuse me, one second.

150
00:06:57,750 --> 00:06:59,710
Hi. Pam: Hey, what's up?

151
00:06:59,794 --> 00:07:02,046
Oh, nothing, just hauling
some cube with Dwight.

152
00:07:02,129 --> 00:07:03,631
Hauling cube!

153
00:07:03,714 --> 00:07:04,799
That's moving boxes.

154
00:07:04,882 --> 00:07:06,902
We just came up with the
term to make it sound cooler.

155
00:07:06,926 --> 00:07:08,636
So, we're planning
this party for Nellie,

156
00:07:08,719 --> 00:07:11,347
and we're going to
make it really bad.

157
00:07:11,430 --> 00:07:12,710
It sounds like
every other party.

158
00:07:12,849 --> 00:07:14,725
No, we're going to
make it like a prank,

159
00:07:14,809 --> 00:07:17,812
like order bad food, give her
this passive-aggressive card.

160
00:07:18,020 --> 00:07:19,897
Oh, hire a magician.

161
00:07:19,981 --> 00:07:21,065
What?

162
00:07:21,148 --> 00:07:23,109
Trust me. (Laughs) Okay.

163
00:07:30,908 --> 00:07:34,287
Wow, there's a lot of cars
here. This is just weird.

164
00:07:36,205 --> 00:07:39,667
Andy. Hi, what
are you doing here?

165
00:07:39,834 --> 00:07:41,419
Hey, Lauren, look at you.

166
00:07:41,544 --> 00:07:43,170
I know, look at me.

167
00:07:43,546 --> 00:07:45,232
I'm just on my way back
from this business trip,

168
00:07:45,256 --> 00:07:46,841
thought I'd stop
and say hi to Jessica.

169
00:07:48,301 --> 00:07:50,761
Why is Erin with me?
That's a great question.

170
00:07:50,845 --> 00:07:55,516
She is my co-worker and she needed
a ride, because she totaled her car.

171
00:07:55,766 --> 00:07:57,101
Oh, god.

172
00:07:57,602 --> 00:07:59,478
So I'm Erin. Yeah, this is Erin.

173
00:07:59,562 --> 00:08:00,813
Hi. Nice to meet you. (Gasps)

174
00:08:02,148 --> 00:08:06,402
Well, Jess went out for a run,
but she'll be back soon.

175
00:08:06,485 --> 00:08:07,486
Mmm-hmm.

176
00:08:07,570 --> 00:08:09,864
Hey, ladies, Andy's here.

177
00:08:10,907 --> 00:08:14,160
Okay, Andy, that is
a bachelorette party.

178
00:08:14,243 --> 00:08:17,788
This is Jessica's friends, and they've
been drinking during the daytime.

179
00:08:17,872 --> 00:08:18,873
Should we go?

180
00:08:18,956 --> 00:08:19,999
Yeah.

181
00:08:20,541 --> 00:08:22,561
You know, we had such a
quick window to make this work.

182
00:08:22,585 --> 00:08:23,687
I think we should
probably just...

183
00:08:23,711 --> 00:08:27,798
Oh, Jess, look who stopped
by after his business trip.

184
00:08:27,882 --> 00:08:29,425
Andy, hey.

185
00:08:31,385 --> 00:08:34,931
I wonder if king-sized sheets are
called presidential-sized in england.

186
00:08:36,265 --> 00:08:37,865
I really should have
a "tweeter" account.

187
00:08:38,059 --> 00:08:39,810
Yes, you should.

188
00:08:41,729 --> 00:08:42,730
Ooh!

189
00:08:43,898 --> 00:08:45,858
(Jim reading)

190
00:08:46,567 --> 00:08:47,735
I have to see these shoes.

191
00:08:47,818 --> 00:08:48,986
I doubt that they're...

192
00:08:53,240 --> 00:08:54,700
Who is this guy?

193
00:08:56,118 --> 00:08:57,995
There's the two of them
taking a hike.

194
00:08:58,079 --> 00:08:59,872
I'm guessing he's
some kind of friend.

195
00:09:00,414 --> 00:09:01,624
Boyfriend.

196
00:09:01,832 --> 00:09:03,668
Here's the two of them
kissing at a beach

197
00:09:03,751 --> 00:09:06,128
and kissing at the Eiffel Tower.

198
00:09:06,212 --> 00:09:08,589
I'm guessing he's some
kind of close, romantic friend.

199
00:09:09,048 --> 00:09:10,049
Like a boyfriend?

200
00:09:10,466 --> 00:09:12,510
Youreadrnynflnd. Yeah.

201
00:09:13,177 --> 00:09:15,888
Whoa. Here's one with
his face whited out.

202
00:09:15,972 --> 00:09:17,014
Hmm.

203
00:09:17,098 --> 00:09:18,533
Maybe someone threw
a pie in his face.

204
00:09:18,557 --> 00:09:20,559
New theory, he's a
hated Italian politician.

205
00:09:20,768 --> 00:09:22,287
Better theory,
this is her ex-boyfriend,

206
00:09:22,311 --> 00:09:23,872
and they went through
some kind of painful breakup.

207
00:09:23,896 --> 00:09:24,939
(Footsteps approaching)

208
00:09:25,022 --> 00:09:26,023
Jim: Nellie, oh.

209
00:09:26,816 --> 00:09:28,693
So sorry, we were just...

210
00:09:29,276 --> 00:09:31,278
I see you've
discovered Benjamin.

211
00:09:31,362 --> 00:09:33,364
That's what I call my
box full of photos of Henry.

212
00:09:34,907 --> 00:09:36,450
Why not call... shh.

213
00:09:38,703 --> 00:09:42,373
God, we owned
this flat together.

214
00:09:42,456 --> 00:09:45,126
Then one morning, just
like that, he was gone.

215
00:09:45,209 --> 00:09:47,329
He ran off with a waitress
at our favorite restaurant.

216
00:09:47,628 --> 00:09:49,255
That's awful.

217
00:09:50,798 --> 00:09:51,882
What kind of restaurant?

218
00:09:51,966 --> 00:09:52,967
Dwight.

219
00:09:53,175 --> 00:09:56,470
I couldn't afford the flat
myself. So I sold it at a loss.

220
00:09:56,971 --> 00:09:59,223
Ah, but what's 10 years
of bliss down the drain

221
00:09:59,306 --> 00:10:02,977
compared with the thrill of starting
over with nothing and no one?

222
00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:06,313
I'm so sorry. These must
be very painful memories.

223
00:10:06,397 --> 00:10:08,232
If it would help you to forget,

224
00:10:08,315 --> 00:10:11,027
I could hit you in the brain
stem with this candlestick.

225
00:10:12,153 --> 00:10:14,321
Thank you. No.

226
00:10:16,574 --> 00:10:20,745
Look, Jim, Dwight, please,
don't tell anyone about this.

227
00:10:20,911 --> 00:10:22,163
No, no, of course.

228
00:10:23,998 --> 00:10:28,669
Just one quick question,
was this Halloween or...

229
00:10:28,753 --> 00:10:30,671
God, no.

230
00:10:30,755 --> 00:10:33,049
That's the most
embarrassing thing of all of this.

231
00:10:33,382 --> 00:10:36,635
What kind of fool gets her heart
broken by a bloody stage magician?

232
00:10:39,138 --> 00:10:42,183
You know what, Pam? I was thinking
maybe we should change course here.

233
00:10:42,266 --> 00:10:43,618
Let's give up on
all this mean stuff.

234
00:10:43,642 --> 00:10:46,604
What? No. No. I just
had this brilliant idea.

235
00:10:46,687 --> 00:10:47,813
Everyone loved it.

236
00:10:47,897 --> 00:10:49,940
You don't have
a copyright on pranks.

237
00:10:50,024 --> 00:10:52,068
I might be better
at this than you.

238
00:10:52,359 --> 00:10:54,361
No, that's not... Jim,
could you give us a hand?

239
00:10:54,445 --> 00:10:55,654
Absolutely. Yeah.

240
00:10:55,780 --> 00:10:57,823
(Whispers) Call it
off, Pam. Call it off, okay?

241
00:10:57,907 --> 00:10:59,217
It's way more complicated
than you think.

242
00:10:59,241 --> 00:11:00,743
Cancel the magician. Trust me.

243
00:11:00,826 --> 00:11:03,788
Oh, okay. Okay, I will.

244
00:11:06,540 --> 00:11:07,666
That's a great idea.

245
00:11:07,750 --> 00:11:09,251
Yeah. Okay.

246
00:11:09,376 --> 00:11:10,604
Pam, we have a great
idea. Oscar: Listen to this.

247
00:11:10,628 --> 00:11:12,606
We're going to have the
fluorescent lights flickering.

248
00:11:12,630 --> 00:11:13,923
It's going to
make everyone sick.

249
00:11:14,757 --> 00:11:16,175
Okay. Or what if...

250
00:11:16,258 --> 00:11:22,223
We discuss the idea of
doing the party totally normal.

251
00:11:22,890 --> 00:11:24,558
Like, not mean.

252
00:11:25,226 --> 00:11:26,727
Just a regular party.

253
00:11:27,812 --> 00:11:28,854
Not mean.

254
00:11:28,938 --> 00:11:31,607
I knew she'd crack. I wanted
to leave you out, you know.

255
00:11:31,774 --> 00:11:34,360
We're in far too deep. We
can't change course at this point.

256
00:11:34,443 --> 00:11:36,904
What are you talking about?
Of course we can.

257
00:11:36,987 --> 00:11:38,381
What I mean to say is
we don't want to.

258
00:11:38,405 --> 00:11:40,825
Toots, we're not stopping
this train, so get off the tracks.

259
00:11:42,493 --> 00:11:43,494
Suck it!

260
00:11:44,036 --> 00:11:45,204
(Crowd cheering)

261
00:11:45,496 --> 00:11:46,497
Andy.

262
00:11:46,997 --> 00:11:50,334
It'll be fine. Just act natural.
Do you want a gummy penis?

263
00:11:50,751 --> 00:11:52,753
No. I'll just have
some gummy bears.

264
00:11:52,962 --> 00:11:54,004
These are delicious.

265
00:11:54,088 --> 00:11:55,339
But they're penises.

266
00:11:55,798 --> 00:11:57,800
And we come to Matthew,

267
00:11:57,883 --> 00:11:59,552
the guy who was
with his old girlfriend

268
00:11:59,635 --> 00:12:01,512
basically the whole time
we were together.

269
00:12:01,595 --> 00:12:02,972
Oh, no.

270
00:12:03,681 --> 00:12:07,434
Eww! That seems gross
at first blush, right?

271
00:12:07,726 --> 00:12:10,938
But relationships are always
more complicated than you think.

272
00:12:11,438 --> 00:12:13,878
I mean, we don't know Matthew's
history with this other woman.

273
00:12:14,775 --> 00:12:17,903
Maybe she saved his life.
I don't know.

274
00:12:18,529 --> 00:12:19,589
I just...
I don't think we should

275
00:12:19,613 --> 00:12:20,853
rush to judgment about Matthew.

276
00:12:20,906 --> 00:12:22,116
Maybe we don't pop that one.

277
00:12:22,324 --> 00:12:24,034
Crowd: No. Pop it. Pop it!

278
00:12:24,118 --> 00:12:25,161
Lauren: Pop it!

279
00:12:25,286 --> 00:12:26,370
(Crowd cheering)

280
00:12:27,746 --> 00:12:28,998
Hey. Hey.

281
00:12:29,081 --> 00:12:30,583
Sorry. It's kind of a mad house.

282
00:12:31,083 --> 00:12:32,168
(Screaming)

283
00:12:33,002 --> 00:12:34,336
Oh, Megan.

284
00:12:34,670 --> 00:12:37,214
You are one of the good
ones, nard dog. Aw!

285
00:12:37,298 --> 00:12:39,133
No, really. Where's my Andy?

286
00:12:39,925 --> 00:12:41,343
He's out there.

287
00:12:42,178 --> 00:12:43,387
Are you going to sing for us?

288
00:12:43,804 --> 00:12:46,932
Well, you guys are doing a pretty
good job with the scary yelling, so...

289
00:12:47,016 --> 00:12:51,061
That's not like you. That's not
like you. Come on, sing! Sing!

290
00:12:51,145 --> 00:12:57,318
(Singing) By yon Bonnie
banks and by yon Bonnie braes

291
00:12:57,818 --> 00:12:59,945
okay, they're almost here. What?

292
00:13:01,113 --> 00:13:03,324
Come on! If you guys
are going to be mean,

293
00:13:03,407 --> 00:13:04,700
can't you at least be subtle?

294
00:13:05,659 --> 00:13:08,537
Oh, in the warehouse,
we'd use code names

295
00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:10,206
for people we
wanted to talk about.

296
00:13:10,289 --> 00:13:13,000
Andy was "jelly roll." Mike
was "Dennis the menace."

297
00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:14,627
Ryan was "douche bag."

298
00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:17,713
Hey, that's not a code name.
That's just an insult.

299
00:13:17,796 --> 00:13:19,596
Plus, everyone would
know who you meant. Yeah.

300
00:13:19,673 --> 00:13:22,259
No, that's a great idea.
Yes, let's have a code name.

301
00:13:22,343 --> 00:13:26,055
How about "mondays"? I hate
mondays. Mondays are the worst.

302
00:13:26,138 --> 00:13:27,139
Nobody's named Monday.

303
00:13:27,348 --> 00:13:30,392
Hey, how about we go with
"Pam"? Simple, easy to remember.

304
00:13:30,851 --> 00:13:33,103
Because there's someone
already here named Pam.

305
00:13:33,187 --> 00:13:34,247
Kevin: Shh. Here she comes.

306
00:13:34,271 --> 00:13:35,272
All: Hey.

307
00:13:35,898 --> 00:13:37,191
Welcome to your party.

308
00:13:37,524 --> 00:13:41,278
Everybody, get comfy now. This
first song's over a half-hour long.

309
00:13:41,695 --> 00:13:43,447
(Playing)

310
00:13:47,368 --> 00:13:50,955
Best gig ever. They asked
me to play only originals.

311
00:13:51,038 --> 00:13:53,791
I said, "have you heard my
originals? They're terrible."

312
00:13:53,874 --> 00:13:59,046
They said, "even better." I said, "I
get it. It's an ironic party for Nellie."

313
00:13:59,880 --> 00:14:01,215
Maybe we should just go.

314
00:14:01,340 --> 00:14:02,675
No, I got to do this.

315
00:14:04,551 --> 00:14:06,178
Hey, Jessica, can I talk to you?

316
00:14:06,303 --> 00:14:07,930
Uh, yeah, sure, what's up?

317
00:14:08,013 --> 00:14:09,515
Maybe we could talk in private.

318
00:14:09,598 --> 00:14:11,433
Yeah, what is it?

319
00:14:12,351 --> 00:14:14,186
Well, first,
let me just say that

320
00:14:14,270 --> 00:14:17,856
I hope when I'm done
with the sort of ugly bits,

321
00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:19,733
that we can stay friends.

322
00:14:19,817 --> 00:14:20,985
You're breaking up with me?

323
00:14:21,402 --> 00:14:22,486
Andy: Uh...

324
00:14:22,569 --> 00:14:24,238
No. No.

325
00:14:24,905 --> 00:14:27,825
You always do this.
You twist my words around.

326
00:14:27,908 --> 00:14:29,948
Part of me thinks we
should just end this right now.

327
00:14:30,327 --> 00:14:34,331
Oh, my god. Are you
leaving me for Erin?

328
00:14:34,415 --> 00:14:37,334
You said she wasn't relationship
material, and she wasn't as good as me.

329
00:14:37,418 --> 00:14:38,669
But it's her, isn't it?

330
00:14:38,752 --> 00:14:39,753
Whoa.

331
00:14:40,671 --> 00:14:44,133
That... no.
Okay, you want honesty?

332
00:14:44,341 --> 00:14:47,886
Super honesty time. I'm gay.

333
00:14:48,512 --> 00:14:49,513
What?

334
00:14:50,431 --> 00:14:53,058
I am gay and I prefer men.

335
00:14:53,142 --> 00:14:54,143
I knew it!

336
00:14:54,226 --> 00:14:55,436
You did not, Kenny.

337
00:14:55,561 --> 00:14:57,229
You invited me to
go shopping with you.

338
00:14:57,313 --> 00:15:01,608
I like hanging out with you.
You're a cool guy.

339
00:15:01,692 --> 00:15:03,736
Which proves my point
that I'm gay.

340
00:15:03,944 --> 00:15:05,946
Jessica: Andy, you're not gay.

341
00:15:06,030 --> 00:15:11,243
I mean, we were together and
you seemed pretty excitable.

342
00:15:11,327 --> 00:15:15,456
Well, I was faking it.
I had to fake it every time.

343
00:15:15,539 --> 00:15:18,625
I had to imagine that I was in a
steam room with John stamos.

344
00:15:19,418 --> 00:15:22,796
I can't say it
doesn't make sense.

345
00:15:23,714 --> 00:15:26,342
Well, I mean, I was
good at hiding it...

346
00:15:26,425 --> 00:15:28,260
It's fine, Andy.

347
00:15:28,969 --> 00:15:31,555
I didn't think we were going
to get married or anything.

348
00:15:31,638 --> 00:15:34,767
I just...
I'm just upset for now.

349
00:15:35,142 --> 00:15:40,147
Understandable, and
I'm really sorry. I really am.

350
00:15:41,106 --> 00:15:42,191
(Grunts)

351
00:15:43,984 --> 00:15:47,738
So, we should probably go.

352
00:15:55,829 --> 00:15:59,083
This humble
but sincere effort is

353
00:15:59,166 --> 00:16:02,002
all for our valued new
colleague. Excehent

354
00:16:02,711 --> 00:16:05,339
to Nellie Bertram,
you are a most welcome

355
00:16:05,422 --> 00:16:07,341
and friendly presence
at our company.

356
00:16:07,674 --> 00:16:09,176
Cheers. Why, thank you.

357
00:16:10,052 --> 00:16:13,305
Pam, on the other hand,
is a most unwelcome,

358
00:16:13,430 --> 00:16:17,017
entitled and unfriendly
presence in our company.

359
00:16:17,142 --> 00:16:18,519
All: Cheers.

360
00:16:20,396 --> 00:16:23,982
Nellie is terrific,
but to be honest,

361
00:16:24,066 --> 00:16:27,277
every day, I imagine how
happy I'd be if Pam died.

362
00:16:27,736 --> 00:16:28,904
(Laughter)

363
00:16:29,279 --> 00:16:35,119
Oh, well, I feel that as
someone who knows Pam,

364
00:16:35,202 --> 00:16:40,082
only a little bit, enough, a good
amount, not the most, though,

365
00:16:40,207 --> 00:16:42,084
I would say that
she is misunderstood,

366
00:16:42,626 --> 00:16:45,087
and that maybe there's
some stuff in her past

367
00:16:45,170 --> 00:16:46,922
that you guys don't know about

368
00:16:47,005 --> 00:16:48,485
that's a little
messed up and probably

369
00:16:48,549 --> 00:16:50,175
makes her such a
torture to work with.

370
00:16:50,551 --> 00:16:56,014
All: We hate Pam! We hate
Pam! We hate Pam! We hate Pam!

371
00:16:56,348 --> 00:16:57,599
So we've established...

372
00:16:58,725 --> 00:17:00,727
That you guys hate Pam.

373
00:17:01,478 --> 00:17:04,898
Do you ever wish she
would just disappear?

374
00:17:05,566 --> 00:17:06,567
Oh!

375
00:17:06,692 --> 00:17:08,318
(Magician laughs) (All exclaim)

376
00:17:10,404 --> 00:17:11,697
That was a really rough scene.

377
00:17:11,780 --> 00:17:13,574
Yeah. Right? Rough scene.

378
00:17:14,575 --> 00:17:15,909
(Clears throat)

379
00:17:16,535 --> 00:17:17,953
At least we can kiss now.

380
00:17:18,036 --> 00:17:19,413
Oh, yeah.

381
00:17:24,168 --> 00:17:27,713
You know, that stuff that I said
about you to her, that's just...

382
00:17:27,796 --> 00:17:29,089
I had to say it.

383
00:17:29,965 --> 00:17:31,317
You know, I was
dating her at the time.

384
00:17:31,341 --> 00:17:32,384
Yeah.

385
00:17:33,177 --> 00:17:34,887
Yes, of course.

386
00:17:36,054 --> 00:17:37,055
Ugh.

387
00:17:37,139 --> 00:17:38,182
I feel really tired.

388
00:17:38,265 --> 00:17:39,308
Yeah.

389
00:17:39,391 --> 00:17:40,493
Probably from
seeing that Turkey.

390
00:17:40,517 --> 00:17:41,518
Oh, yeah.

391
00:17:41,602 --> 00:17:45,439
When we drove by the farm.
Always does that.

392
00:17:52,362 --> 00:17:54,990
Are you Nellie? I think
you're my volunteer.

393
00:17:55,073 --> 00:17:56,200
Come on over here, huh?

394
00:17:56,283 --> 00:17:57,493
(Laughing)

395
00:17:58,118 --> 00:17:59,912
No, I'll do it.
I will volunteer.

396
00:18:00,037 --> 00:18:01,747
No, Nellie should.
No, I'll do it.

397
00:18:01,914 --> 00:18:08,212
Oh, big guy, huh? How's the
air up there? Watch out for birds.

398
00:18:08,295 --> 00:18:09,463
(Chuckles)

399
00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:13,383
All right, let's do
some card magic.

400
00:18:13,467 --> 00:18:15,552
Now, what I want you to do is,

401
00:18:15,636 --> 00:18:18,263
I want you to pick a card
just by looking at it.

402
00:18:18,388 --> 00:18:20,807
Do not say what it is.

403
00:18:23,644 --> 00:18:24,645
It's the four of hearts.

404
00:18:25,020 --> 00:18:26,522
Oh, no, it's...

405
00:18:26,605 --> 00:18:30,067
Looks like we got a guy from
another country here, huh?

406
00:18:30,192 --> 00:18:33,403
No hablo El cardo, sefior?

407
00:18:34,321 --> 00:18:38,867
All right, the card is picked. Now,
sir, will you please shuffle the deck?

408
00:18:45,499 --> 00:18:47,834
You didn't just do that
on purpose, did you?

409
00:18:48,001 --> 00:18:50,879
Why is Jim treating
the magician poorly?

410
00:18:51,004 --> 00:18:53,715
Little known fact about me,
before I was a magician,

411
00:18:53,799 --> 00:18:56,760
I used to work
at a rope factory.

412
00:18:56,843 --> 00:18:59,012
Not true because
that's not a real place.

413
00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:02,933
But I never could seem
to figure out those knots.

414
00:19:03,016 --> 00:19:04,994
That's not a real knot. When
you pull on it, it disappears.

415
00:19:05,018 --> 00:19:06,019
What the hell?

416
00:19:07,187 --> 00:19:09,565
All right! Where's
Phyllis? Who's Phyllis?

417
00:19:10,732 --> 00:19:15,779
Look, this is really uncool,
okay? I put on a clean show here...

418
00:19:15,862 --> 00:19:17,864
Okay, scram, wizard! What?

419
00:19:17,948 --> 00:19:19,032
You heard me!

420
00:19:19,199 --> 00:19:21,868
Wow. Nellie, I'm
sorry. If I'd known

421
00:19:21,952 --> 00:19:24,621
Jim and Pam would use this party

422
00:19:24,705 --> 00:19:26,832
as an excuse to
abuse a magician...

423
00:19:26,957 --> 00:19:29,543
Well, I thought
it was quite fun.

424
00:19:30,168 --> 00:19:32,921
In fact, I think they're brilliant
employees in their own way.

425
00:19:33,964 --> 00:19:35,299
Don't you see what I see?

426
00:19:35,674 --> 00:19:38,677
Interesting, yes.
No, yes, I see that.

427
00:19:39,678 --> 00:19:43,098
Great work, team. Great party.

428
00:19:43,515 --> 00:19:45,976
You think this is a great party?

429
00:19:46,059 --> 00:19:50,522
This cake has vegetables
in it, like a salad bar, Robert.

430
00:19:50,606 --> 00:19:53,191
How do I get this
taste out of my mouth?

431
00:19:57,237 --> 00:19:58,739
What? Why are we...

432
00:19:58,822 --> 00:20:00,282
I just got to do one thing.

433
00:20:06,747 --> 00:20:07,956
Oh, hello.

434
00:20:08,415 --> 00:20:10,167
Hey, everybody, look who's here.

435
00:20:10,250 --> 00:20:11,293
What are you doing here?

436
00:20:11,627 --> 00:20:15,672
Hi. Super duper
honesty time, I'm not gay.

437
00:20:16,423 --> 00:20:18,842
In fact, I'm so not gay
that I'm in love with a girl.

438
00:20:18,925 --> 00:20:22,054
Her name is Erin hannon,
and she is right there.

439
00:20:22,137 --> 00:20:25,015
She's sweet, funny and beautiful

440
00:20:25,098 --> 00:20:26,850
and total relationship material.

441
00:20:28,185 --> 00:20:29,585
Why the hell did
you come back here?

442
00:20:29,853 --> 00:20:30,896
Go away.

443
00:20:30,979 --> 00:20:31,980
Get lost.

444
00:20:32,105 --> 00:20:33,357
Okay. Getoufl

445
00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:35,000
you're done! Get out!
Bye, guys. Go. Go.

446
00:20:35,067 --> 00:20:36,109
You ruined my party.

447
00:20:36,985 --> 00:20:39,529
Megan: Who does that?
Are you kidding me?

448
00:20:39,613 --> 00:20:41,073
Yeah, run away. Run away!

449
00:20:41,156 --> 00:20:42,366
Kenny: You're disgusting!

450
00:20:42,449 --> 00:20:44,326
I can't believe you're not gay!

451
00:20:45,661 --> 00:20:46,745
Yeah, get out of here.

452
00:20:46,828 --> 00:20:47,913
Don't come back!

453
00:20:50,666 --> 00:20:51,875
Uh-oh. (Laughs)

454
00:20:52,417 --> 00:20:53,977
Megan: You don't even
know how to drive!

455
00:20:54,294 --> 00:20:56,213
Loser! Nice car!

456
00:21:02,969 --> 00:21:04,763
Hey, Hank. Yes, ma'am.

457
00:21:04,971 --> 00:21:08,809
I thought I was very specific
about you not letting up a magician.

458
00:21:09,267 --> 00:21:10,936
Yes, ma'am, I got my eyes open.

459
00:21:11,311 --> 00:21:13,313
Well, turns out he
actually made it up there.

460
00:21:13,605 --> 00:21:15,148
What? That ain't right.

461
00:21:15,482 --> 00:21:16,692
Yeah, he came and went.

462
00:21:18,318 --> 00:21:21,988
Wait a minute, you said
it was a magician, right?

463
00:21:22,989 --> 00:21:25,701
You don't think he could have
used... it couldn't have been...

464
00:21:27,494 --> 00:21:28,495
Let's just go.

465
00:21:28,578 --> 00:21:29,663
Good night, Hank.