1 00:00:06,007 --> 00:00:07,091 Morning, Dwight. 2 00:00:10,052 --> 00:00:11,095 Who are you? 3 00:00:12,263 --> 00:00:16,601 Who am I? I'm Jim. We've been working together for 12 years. 4 00:00:17,393 --> 00:00:18,394 Weird joke, Dwight. 5 00:00:19,187 --> 00:00:21,022 You're not Jim. Jim's not Asian. 6 00:00:21,606 --> 00:00:25,443 You seriously never noticed? Hey, hats off to you for not seeing race. 7 00:00:28,321 --> 00:00:30,781 All right then, Jim. Why don't you tell me 8 00:00:30,907 --> 00:00:33,367 about that sale that you made yesterday? 9 00:00:34,285 --> 00:00:38,080 Uh... Wellington systems? Sold them 10 cases of 24-pound letter stock. 10 00:00:38,664 --> 00:00:40,374 Or were you talking about Krieger-Murphy? 11 00:00:40,458 --> 00:00:41,918 Because I didn't close that one yet, 12 00:00:42,043 --> 00:00:43,461 but I'm hoping I've got a voicemail 13 00:00:43,544 --> 00:00:45,379 from Paul Krieger waiting for me. 14 00:00:47,048 --> 00:00:48,633 Male voice: Please enter your password. 15 00:00:54,222 --> 00:00:55,348 You have one new message. 16 00:00:55,431 --> 00:00:58,267 How did you know? No, no. 17 00:00:58,392 --> 00:01:01,979 That is sensitive information, only for employees, not outsiders! 18 00:01:02,063 --> 00:01:03,583 Dwight, cut it out. I'm trying to work. 19 00:01:03,648 --> 00:01:05,483 You don't work here! You're not Jim! 20 00:01:05,733 --> 00:01:08,569 Jim, I got us that dinner reservation. Grico's, 7:30. 21 00:01:08,653 --> 00:01:10,446 Oh! Great. Can't wait. 22 00:01:13,699 --> 00:01:15,326 Jim's at the dentist this morning, 23 00:01:15,493 --> 00:01:17,119 and Steve is an actor friend of ours. 24 00:01:17,703 --> 00:01:22,917 I don't know who you are, but you are not Jim! This is Jim! 25 00:01:29,674 --> 00:01:32,802 Oh, dear. How did... 26 00:01:55,825 --> 00:01:57,702 Hey! Study buddies! 27 00:01:58,119 --> 00:01:59,662 Oh! Okay. Oh! 28 00:01:59,870 --> 00:02:01,455 Getting things done. Awesome! 29 00:02:01,914 --> 00:02:04,709 It's all about finding ways to make yourself more efficient. 30 00:02:04,792 --> 00:02:06,168 Life hacking, baby. This morning, 31 00:02:06,294 --> 00:02:07,670 I brushed my teeth in the shower. 32 00:02:07,753 --> 00:02:11,382 Saved myself 90 seconds, which I just used to explain this to you. 33 00:02:11,507 --> 00:02:12,508 Damn it. 34 00:02:12,842 --> 00:02:15,553 Since Andy promoted me to assistant regional manager, 35 00:02:15,886 --> 00:02:18,806 I've been trying to step my game up, you know, be more productive. 36 00:02:18,889 --> 00:02:20,057 In fact, you know what? 37 00:02:20,141 --> 00:02:23,602 Let's knock out a few more of these sound bites while we're here. 38 00:02:24,103 --> 00:02:26,731 Whoa. That person has really gotten 39 00:02:26,814 --> 00:02:28,733 him or herself into quite a predicament. 40 00:02:39,660 --> 00:02:44,915 Ah, French. It's a great language ifyou're a chain-smoking acrobat. 41 00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:48,419 I'm just trying to fit in better with Andy's family. 42 00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:51,839 They all speak more than one language, usually when I'm there. 43 00:02:52,256 --> 00:02:55,176 You want to learn a really impressive second language, try Dothraki. 44 00:02:55,259 --> 00:02:56,844 Win over any man in my guild. 45 00:02:56,969 --> 00:02:59,680 Dothraki is the native tongue of the nomadic, war-mongering 46 00:02:59,764 --> 00:03:02,224 horse lords of essos, as featured in the superb 47 00:03:02,308 --> 00:03:04,810 home box office series game of thrones. 48 00:03:05,227 --> 00:03:06,812 It has a lot of nudity, 49 00:03:06,896 --> 00:03:09,857 which I fast fonnard through to get to the chopped-off heads. 50 00:03:10,441 --> 00:03:12,544 I could teach you if you want. It's a lot easier than French. 51 00:03:12,568 --> 00:03:13,652 Yeah. Let's do it! 52 00:03:13,736 --> 00:03:14,779 Oh! 53 00:03:15,446 --> 00:03:17,823 It means, "excellent." And we have begun. 54 00:03:21,494 --> 00:03:22,828 Is everything okay? Mmm. 55 00:03:23,871 --> 00:03:25,873 Oh. Oh. Yeah, yeah. 56 00:03:26,123 --> 00:03:29,210 Fine, fine. I mean I... I just don't want to 57 00:03:29,335 --> 00:03:32,463 burden you with my massive stress freakout. 58 00:03:33,047 --> 00:03:34,090 Great. 59 00:03:34,173 --> 00:03:38,177 It's just that I am taking my driver's license test in two days, 60 00:03:38,260 --> 00:03:40,971 and I need to practice with an experienced driver in the car. 61 00:03:41,055 --> 00:03:44,558 But I've had no time to do that, thanks to "demandy." 62 00:03:46,018 --> 00:03:50,606 I just want to hit the open road and drive, man! 63 00:03:51,732 --> 00:03:53,067 But in whose car? 64 00:03:53,150 --> 00:03:54,693 Andy: Nellie! 65 00:03:55,444 --> 00:03:57,363 Get your wrinkly old balls in here! 66 00:04:02,618 --> 00:04:05,079 Nellie, I could practice with you in my car at lunchtime. 67 00:04:05,830 --> 00:04:08,499 Oh, Pam, thank you! You are my savior! 68 00:04:10,543 --> 00:04:13,462 Oh, my gosh! Oh! 69 00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:16,435 I'm sorry, I'm leaving you alone for lunch. 70 00:04:16,674 --> 00:04:18,050 Don't worry about it. 71 00:04:18,509 --> 00:04:20,177 I have a thing, 72 00:04:21,387 --> 00:04:24,181 a thing of soup, which I've been wanting to try. 73 00:04:28,018 --> 00:04:32,064 This is my research into how we might produce childproof paper 74 00:04:32,148 --> 00:04:33,983 that doesn't give you papercuts. 75 00:04:34,066 --> 00:04:35,359 We can't. 76 00:04:35,860 --> 00:04:40,865 And here is a printout of your genealogy from thislsyourfamilytree.Com. 77 00:04:41,323 --> 00:04:43,159 Executive-summary me. Hit the highlights. 78 00:04:43,242 --> 00:04:49,039 Well, it turns out you are a distant blood relative of Michelle Obama. 79 00:04:51,208 --> 00:04:52,877 Wife of Barack, loves gardening, 80 00:04:53,043 --> 00:04:54,712 wants to wipe out fat children. 81 00:04:55,171 --> 00:04:56,338 Wow. 82 00:04:57,047 --> 00:05:01,719 This is super flattering. She's the most popular person in america. 83 00:05:03,387 --> 00:05:05,014 This is a big day for both of us. 84 00:05:05,764 --> 00:05:07,433 My fellow Americans! 85 00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:09,185 I have a feeling my approval rating 86 00:05:09,310 --> 00:05:10,895 is about to go through the roof. 87 00:05:11,729 --> 00:05:15,232 It turns out I am related to Michelle Obama. 88 00:05:16,775 --> 00:05:19,069 I was intimidated by Andy's family before, 89 00:05:19,153 --> 00:05:21,864 and now I have to see the first lady at holidays? 90 00:05:21,947 --> 00:05:25,075 She's going to be like, "what's your stance on politics?" 91 00:05:25,159 --> 00:05:29,205 Or, "what is the best war to do?" And I will just be like... 92 00:05:29,413 --> 00:05:30,581 Duh... 93 00:05:31,624 --> 00:05:34,543 All right, we've got to get rid of all this junk food. 94 00:05:34,627 --> 00:05:38,339 Get fit, america. Not sure if the buzz has reached the annex yet, 95 00:05:38,422 --> 00:05:41,383 but I'm related to Michelle Obama. 96 00:05:46,180 --> 00:05:49,433 Yeah, we noticed early on that Andy really appreciates enthusiasm. 97 00:05:49,683 --> 00:05:53,103 Clark: So we decided the best way to get ahead here is to be his cheerleaders. 98 00:05:53,229 --> 00:05:54,772 Clark: Whoa! 99 00:06:02,530 --> 00:06:04,257 It's starting to have this reverse effect, though, 100 00:06:04,281 --> 00:06:06,361 where I really do think the stuff he does is awesome. 101 00:06:06,951 --> 00:06:08,369 Pete: Yeah, me, too. It's weird. 102 00:06:08,452 --> 00:06:10,287 Hard to remember what's real at this point. 103 00:06:10,412 --> 00:06:12,289 Just clap through it, man. 104 00:06:13,123 --> 00:06:15,626 You log in sales at 10 different times. 105 00:06:16,085 --> 00:06:19,672 If you log them all at once, you'd save a lot of time. It's called batching. 106 00:06:19,964 --> 00:06:21,084 This is really good, Darryl. 107 00:06:21,131 --> 00:06:22,341 Life hacking, man. 108 00:06:22,424 --> 00:06:23,467 There he is! 109 00:06:23,551 --> 00:06:25,362 Andy, you've got to check this out. He just showed me what... 110 00:06:25,386 --> 00:06:28,013 Right now I need canned tuna, okay? 111 00:06:28,973 --> 00:06:31,308 Darryl, guess which talented individual, 112 00:06:31,475 --> 00:06:33,852 who also has a killer singing voice, 113 00:06:33,936 --> 00:06:35,646 is related to the first lady. 114 00:06:36,188 --> 00:06:40,442 Tracee Ellis Ross, daughter of the first lady of motown, Diana Ross. 115 00:06:41,819 --> 00:06:44,321 It's me. I'm related to Michelle Obama. 116 00:06:44,530 --> 00:06:46,073 What? Really? 117 00:06:46,490 --> 00:06:47,908 I mean, it's distant, but... 118 00:06:49,285 --> 00:06:50,286 That's cool, man. 119 00:06:50,661 --> 00:06:51,662 Right? 120 00:06:52,037 --> 00:06:55,874 Darryl said, "cool, man." He called me a cool man. 121 00:06:59,795 --> 00:07:02,006 You know, I really do think it'd be worth it to 122 00:07:02,172 --> 00:07:04,383 pull over and just take 10 minutes to eat. 123 00:07:05,175 --> 00:07:07,761 The thing is, Pam, I'm going to be eating while I'm driving, 124 00:07:07,845 --> 00:07:09,430 so I might as well get good at it. 125 00:07:09,513 --> 00:07:12,600 Brake lights. Brake lights! Brake lights! Brake lights! 126 00:07:12,683 --> 00:07:14,101 Whoo! 127 00:07:14,184 --> 00:07:16,604 I'm just saying, what does it imply, in this country, 128 00:07:16,687 --> 00:07:19,007 when a white person shares an ancestor with a black person? 129 00:07:19,064 --> 00:07:21,025 You think that Andy's family owned slaves? 130 00:07:21,734 --> 00:07:24,111 Well, somebody owned somebody. 131 00:07:24,236 --> 00:07:26,614 And I don't think anybody would buy an Andy. 132 00:07:27,448 --> 00:07:28,574 "I throat-rip." 133 00:07:30,117 --> 00:07:31,118 "You throat-rip." 134 00:07:32,578 --> 00:07:33,787 "He/she/it throat-rips." 135 00:07:35,205 --> 00:07:36,582 More of a barbaric growl. 136 00:07:38,042 --> 00:07:40,042 Loudeh you're shouting it from the back of a horse! 137 00:07:42,254 --> 00:07:44,423 Pretty crazy about Andy and Michelle Obama, huh? 138 00:07:45,049 --> 00:07:48,886 Yeah. It's almost unbelievable. 139 00:07:49,720 --> 00:07:50,720 What? 140 00:07:50,763 --> 00:07:52,431 Well, you know how Andy has been 141 00:07:52,556 --> 00:07:54,266 really salting my onions lately? 142 00:07:55,017 --> 00:07:56,185 Sure. 143 00:07:56,435 --> 00:07:58,646 Well, when he asked me to look up his ancestry online, 144 00:07:58,896 --> 00:08:00,216 I remembered that news story about 145 00:08:00,314 --> 00:08:01,666 Michelle Obama having white relatives, 146 00:08:01,690 --> 00:08:04,735 and I just knew he would eat that up. 147 00:08:05,569 --> 00:08:07,446 So, he's not related to Michelle Obama? 148 00:08:07,905 --> 00:08:11,408 Pam, I barely know how to turn on my computer. 149 00:08:14,453 --> 00:08:17,081 Nellie's pretty fearless, and I think she might 150 00:08:17,247 --> 00:08:19,875 be maybe even almost sort of fun. 151 00:08:20,209 --> 00:08:21,251 Pam! 152 00:08:25,673 --> 00:08:27,113 Well, if there's another explanation, 153 00:08:27,174 --> 00:08:29,593 I don't really see what it could possibly be. 154 00:08:31,136 --> 00:08:34,890 What's going on here? I'm related to the first lady, okay? 155 00:08:34,973 --> 00:08:36,642 Get over it. 156 00:08:36,767 --> 00:08:38,811 I still need weekly status reports from most of you. 157 00:08:38,894 --> 00:08:41,271 So, can we get back to work, please? 158 00:08:41,814 --> 00:08:42,815 Get back to work. 159 00:08:46,110 --> 00:08:50,572 Andy? Andy, no! I would be very polite today. 160 00:08:50,864 --> 00:08:52,616 Why? Is it employees' day or something? 161 00:08:52,741 --> 00:08:54,493 I cannot keep track of these bs holidays. 162 00:08:54,576 --> 00:08:56,954 Your connection to Michelle Obama 163 00:08:57,121 --> 00:08:59,540 has certain negative connotations. 164 00:08:59,957 --> 00:09:03,293 Most likely, your family were slave owners. 165 00:09:04,670 --> 00:09:07,423 Does anyone else think it's possible that I come from slave owners? 166 00:09:12,511 --> 00:09:15,013 Whoa. That person has really gotten 167 00:09:15,139 --> 00:09:17,683 him or herself into quite a predicament. 168 00:09:20,853 --> 00:09:22,706 Hey, mom, it's Andy. Give me a call when you get a chance, 169 00:09:22,730 --> 00:09:24,398 got a quick question for you. 170 00:09:24,481 --> 00:09:27,276 No big deal, it's just about america's national shame. Thanks, bye. 171 00:09:28,986 --> 00:09:30,237 Where were we? 172 00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:33,657 Yes, okay, your productivity thing. 173 00:09:34,158 --> 00:09:35,284 Darryl: Yes, yes, yes. 174 00:09:35,367 --> 00:09:38,662 Great. Ooh! Spreadsheets. Yum, yum. 175 00:09:39,163 --> 00:09:40,664 I included some time-saving ideas. 176 00:09:40,748 --> 00:09:42,642 Uh-huh, uh-huh. Look, I'm not going to lie to you. 177 00:09:42,666 --> 00:09:44,418 I'm a teensy bit distracted right now. 178 00:09:44,501 --> 00:09:47,171 Look, Andy, even if your ancestors did own slaves, 179 00:09:47,254 --> 00:09:49,256 it wouldn't be your fault. 180 00:09:49,506 --> 00:09:51,508 This is only weird if you make it weird. 181 00:09:52,551 --> 00:09:55,596 Right on, brother. Word dat. 182 00:10:02,603 --> 00:10:05,522 Does anyone here have fermented mare's milk? 183 00:10:10,194 --> 00:10:11,195 Hey, enn. 184 00:10:13,489 --> 00:10:15,657 Oh. Okay. Sorry. 185 00:10:17,493 --> 00:10:20,493 Aw, still, it must be great to have something else going on outside of work. 186 00:10:20,537 --> 00:10:22,414 Yeah. Turn signal. It's exciting 187 00:10:22,539 --> 00:10:24,458 to be painting again. Those are the wipers. 188 00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:27,961 So, it's just, there you go. Yeah. 189 00:10:29,213 --> 00:10:31,256 Yeah, things get so busy with the kids, red light, 190 00:10:31,381 --> 00:10:33,467 that it's nice to have a creative outlet. 191 00:10:33,550 --> 00:10:35,260 Renghfl renghfl red! Red! 192 00:10:38,222 --> 00:10:41,517 That is brilliant, Pam! I would love to see some of your work. 193 00:10:41,892 --> 00:10:45,187 Well, since we're stopped at a light, 194 00:10:45,312 --> 00:10:48,565 here is the mural I did for Angela's baby. 195 00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:55,197 That is amazing, Pam. Oh, I love the lion in the tuxedo. 196 00:10:56,073 --> 00:10:59,409 Angela insisted that all the animals be fully clothed. 197 00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:03,747 Hey, has anyone turned in their status reports up here? 198 00:11:07,501 --> 00:11:08,544 So, no? 199 00:11:10,045 --> 00:11:11,797 Do you think maybe you could remind people? 200 00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:14,132 I'm trying to downplay the whole bossy boss thing today. 201 00:11:14,258 --> 00:11:15,551 Because of your slaves. Yep. 202 00:11:15,759 --> 00:11:20,222 Not my slaves, my ancestors' maybe. Probably not. 203 00:11:21,306 --> 00:11:23,433 Oh. Well, if it makes you feel any better, 204 00:11:23,559 --> 00:11:25,644 the Dothraki word for slavemaster... 205 00:11:25,936 --> 00:11:28,730 Is a term of respect. 206 00:11:29,439 --> 00:11:32,693 I'm learning how to speak Dothraki! Color you impressed. 207 00:11:33,068 --> 00:11:36,363 That you're learning a made-up language from hbo's game of thrones? 208 00:11:37,531 --> 00:11:41,660 I have a lot going on today, but this was a great nerd-out. 209 00:11:44,621 --> 00:11:47,141 Dwight! You didn't tell me you were teaching me a fake language. 210 00:11:47,249 --> 00:11:50,085 People laughed at klingon at first, and now you can major in it. 211 00:11:54,464 --> 00:11:55,674 Hi, guys. 212 00:11:55,757 --> 00:11:59,553 Hey, boss, I am so thirsty. Can I have a scoop of water? 213 00:11:59,678 --> 00:12:02,598 Yeah, you don't have to ask me. 214 00:12:05,559 --> 00:12:07,978 Okay, great. Very funny, I get it. 215 00:12:08,145 --> 00:12:10,564 Just because my ancestors happen to be... 216 00:12:19,114 --> 00:12:21,825 Very funny, Kevin. Change my ringtone. Very funny. 217 00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:25,871 I liked the original song on my ringtone, which you may remember, 218 00:12:25,954 --> 00:12:28,415 was diamonds on the soles of her shoes, by Paul Simon, 219 00:12:28,498 --> 00:12:33,420 featuring ladysmith, African American mambazo. 220 00:12:36,757 --> 00:12:39,343 Good. Very good. 221 00:12:40,427 --> 00:12:41,428 Oh! No! 222 00:12:43,180 --> 00:12:45,265 Here, it's a text from Andy. 223 00:12:45,349 --> 00:12:47,893 "New special proj. Need fam. Tree for evbody. 224 00:12:48,018 --> 00:12:50,604 "Really dig up dirt asap." 225 00:12:51,313 --> 00:12:54,316 And then in parentheses, he wrote out, "as soon as possible." 226 00:12:54,524 --> 00:12:56,026 Oh, god. 227 00:12:56,401 --> 00:12:59,029 Looks like it's pretendy time again. 228 00:12:59,154 --> 00:13:01,782 Write back, "looking for dirt." 229 00:13:02,783 --> 00:13:07,955 Oh. Can I help? We could say someone is related to, um, Tonya Harding? 230 00:13:09,373 --> 00:13:11,750 Pam, I'm related to Tonya Harding. 231 00:13:12,709 --> 00:13:13,710 Oh, gee, I'm... 232 00:13:13,835 --> 00:13:16,338 No, I'm just practicing my lying. 233 00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:18,924 I love it! Brilliant. 234 00:13:19,633 --> 00:13:21,218 What should we say about Jim? 235 00:13:22,260 --> 00:13:25,222 Um, oh! I'll say he's related to Richard Nixon! It's an inside joke. 236 00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:26,905 He looks really Nixon-y when he wakes up. 237 00:13:27,474 --> 00:13:32,229 My ex behaved like Nixon. All of the lying, none of the sexual charisma. 238 00:13:34,398 --> 00:13:35,899 I just made a joke then. 239 00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:38,402 I'm sorry. It's just, um, 240 00:13:38,527 --> 00:13:41,863 I actually do have this weird feeling that there's something Jim isn't telling me. 241 00:13:42,239 --> 00:13:46,785 Oh, no. An affair, it is always an affair. 242 00:13:47,411 --> 00:13:48,537 Jim? No. 243 00:13:49,246 --> 00:13:51,081 How can you be sure? 244 00:13:51,540 --> 00:13:53,583 Because he just loves me too much. 245 00:13:55,419 --> 00:13:58,046 You're a cocky little thing, aren't you, Pam? 246 00:13:59,047 --> 00:14:02,092 I've done a little genealogy research of my own. 247 00:14:02,718 --> 00:14:04,845 Turns out I'm not the only one with a few skeletons 248 00:14:04,970 --> 00:14:07,097 in the old family closet. 249 00:14:07,389 --> 00:14:11,309 For example, Phyllis' great-great-grandmother was 250 00:14:11,518 --> 00:14:14,688 responsible for spreading cholera to the United States. 251 00:14:14,813 --> 00:14:15,814 Angela: Ew. 252 00:14:16,106 --> 00:14:20,402 Kevin is related to both John Wayne gacy and John Wayne bobbitt. 253 00:14:20,861 --> 00:14:22,112 And John Wayne? 254 00:14:23,030 --> 00:14:24,573 No, not that I see here. 255 00:14:24,781 --> 00:14:26,783 Wayne Johnson? The rock? 256 00:14:27,325 --> 00:14:31,079 You mean Dwayne, and no. What about Jim Halpert? 257 00:14:31,163 --> 00:14:36,209 Uh-oh! Turns out, distant relative of the reviled Richard Nixon. 258 00:14:36,918 --> 00:14:38,795 Pam always says I look like Nixon. 259 00:14:38,962 --> 00:14:42,466 That's crazy, right? I mean, there's nothing there. 260 00:14:43,425 --> 00:14:44,426 True. 261 00:14:48,221 --> 00:14:49,222 Oh, no. 262 00:14:50,807 --> 00:14:51,808 Dwight's grandfather... 263 00:14:51,892 --> 00:14:53,643 Was a member of the bund, 264 00:14:53,769 --> 00:14:55,520 which is not technically the same thing 265 00:14:55,604 --> 00:14:58,482 as the nazipafly.So_. 266 00:14:58,690 --> 00:15:00,850 I was going to say he was a tax evader. 267 00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:06,865 I was joking about that whole bund thing. The look on your faces. 268 00:15:10,494 --> 00:15:13,080 And Meredith is a blood relative of Lizzie borden. 269 00:15:13,413 --> 00:15:14,915 Cool. 270 00:15:14,998 --> 00:15:16,708 Stop it! Stop it! You're frightening me. 271 00:15:16,792 --> 00:15:18,627 Andy, did you call this meeting 272 00:15:18,752 --> 00:15:20,587 just to talk junk about our families? 273 00:15:20,670 --> 00:15:21,731 Yeah, that, you're being really mean. 274 00:15:21,755 --> 00:15:22,756 Stop it, Andy. 275 00:15:22,839 --> 00:15:25,008 No, I'm proving a point, okay? 276 00:15:25,133 --> 00:15:28,637 We all have ancestors who may have done horrible things in the past, 277 00:15:28,804 --> 00:15:30,764 but it's in the past, and it's not our fault, 278 00:15:30,889 --> 00:15:32,849 so we don't have to talk about it. 279 00:15:33,308 --> 00:15:34,643 The difference is, Andy, 280 00:15:34,768 --> 00:15:37,229 that you're the only one here still benefitting 281 00:15:37,354 --> 00:15:39,481 from the terrible things your ancestors did. 282 00:15:39,815 --> 00:15:42,442 Might have done, and how do you figure? 283 00:15:42,526 --> 00:15:44,361 Your family is rich. 284 00:15:44,486 --> 00:15:46,339 I have to believe that a big part of the Bernard fortune 285 00:15:46,363 --> 00:15:48,198 was earned on the backs of slaves. 286 00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:51,177 You know, there's nothing wrong with being successful in america, Oscar. 287 00:15:51,201 --> 00:15:53,245 I'm not going to apologize for my family's wealth. 288 00:15:53,411 --> 00:15:56,039 That wealth could one day benefit society, 289 00:15:56,790 --> 00:15:59,626 if capital gains are ever taxed at the same rate as earned income. 290 00:16:01,044 --> 00:16:05,048 Okay, Kevin did that. I do not wish I was in Dixie. 291 00:16:06,133 --> 00:16:07,509 Hey, mom. How are you? 292 00:16:08,135 --> 00:16:11,805 Did any bernards ever own a plantation in the south? 293 00:16:13,723 --> 00:16:15,225 She said, "no." Take that! 294 00:16:15,433 --> 00:16:20,147 Follow-up question, did any bernards ever make money in an unsavory way? 295 00:16:25,569 --> 00:16:27,529 I just asked you... why didn't you just say that? 296 00:16:28,405 --> 00:16:30,407 Okay, stop. Stop. 297 00:16:30,574 --> 00:16:33,827 Stop talking! Stop talking! That's... No, I don't want to know that. 298 00:16:34,619 --> 00:16:37,789 Okay. You're interrupting a meeting. I have to go. Love you. Bye. 299 00:16:39,749 --> 00:16:43,170 Well, it turns out the bernards of yore did not own slaves. 300 00:16:43,253 --> 00:16:44,254 Really? 301 00:16:44,462 --> 00:16:49,176 We merely transported them, which at worst makes us amoral middlemen. 302 00:16:57,767 --> 00:16:59,644 Yo, d-dog. I need your help. 303 00:16:59,769 --> 00:17:01,581 I'm trying to think of things I can say that make it sound like 304 00:17:01,605 --> 00:17:03,457 I had a more difficult childhood than I actually had. 305 00:17:03,481 --> 00:17:04,521 You're going to po' mouth. 306 00:17:04,608 --> 00:17:06,401 Exactly! Help me "po' mouth," Darryl. 307 00:17:06,610 --> 00:17:08,403 Actually, Andy, you promised me five minutes 308 00:17:08,486 --> 00:17:10,280 to talk about productivity suggestions. 309 00:17:10,447 --> 00:17:12,616 What if I said that my dad beat me, 310 00:17:12,741 --> 00:17:14,910 and I just left out the croquet of it all? 311 00:17:15,452 --> 00:17:19,039 Or I could just go all the way and say I grew up in an apartment. 312 00:17:19,122 --> 00:17:20,123 Or is that too crazy? 313 00:17:20,832 --> 00:17:22,292 That could work. 314 00:17:22,959 --> 00:17:25,086 You know, Darryl, this is textbook 315 00:17:25,212 --> 00:17:27,339 assistant regional manager stuff here, and I feel like 316 00:17:27,422 --> 00:17:29,132 I'm doing all the heavy lifting. 317 00:17:29,299 --> 00:17:31,051 I'm coming up with all the ideas here. 318 00:17:32,093 --> 00:17:33,386 I'm going for a walk. 319 00:17:33,970 --> 00:17:34,971 Okay. 320 00:17:41,811 --> 00:17:44,648 Pam: Good, good, and... 321 00:17:56,993 --> 00:17:58,453 You doing all right, man? 322 00:17:58,662 --> 00:18:01,998 I'm done. I got to get out of here. 323 00:18:03,083 --> 00:18:06,628 Yeah, not the easiest day to be assistant regional manager. 324 00:18:07,504 --> 00:18:09,381 It's not just today, it's every day. 325 00:18:10,340 --> 00:18:13,468 Seems like the better title I have, the stupider my job gets. 326 00:18:14,511 --> 00:18:16,351 Well, come on. It can always get better, right? 327 00:18:17,514 --> 00:18:18,556 Hmm. Yeah, right. 328 00:18:20,350 --> 00:18:22,769 No, I'm serious. There's always something better. 329 00:18:23,728 --> 00:18:24,854 Like what? 330 00:18:25,522 --> 00:18:26,898 Like, hypothetically, 331 00:18:28,066 --> 00:18:32,487 if I said that there was another job that you and I could both have. 332 00:18:33,697 --> 00:18:35,031 What kind ofjob? 333 00:18:35,573 --> 00:18:39,703 Something cool, like sports marketing, or... 334 00:18:39,828 --> 00:18:42,122 Does that sound like something you'd be into? 335 00:18:42,205 --> 00:18:43,456 Hell, yeah. Right? 336 00:18:43,540 --> 00:18:44,940 That sounds awesome. Okay. But wait, 337 00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:46,352 what if I told you that it was in Philly? 338 00:18:46,376 --> 00:18:47,419 So you'd have to... 339 00:18:47,544 --> 00:18:48,586 I love Philly. 340 00:18:48,670 --> 00:18:49,671 Right? 341 00:18:49,754 --> 00:18:50,794 That's not even a thought. 342 00:18:50,839 --> 00:18:52,719 Not even a thought. It's not even that far away. 343 00:18:52,841 --> 00:18:56,219 I could still commute. Exacfly. Exacfly! 344 00:18:57,053 --> 00:18:58,471 All right. 345 00:18:59,347 --> 00:19:01,725 What? Wait, wait, wait! So what, is this happening? 346 00:19:01,808 --> 00:19:05,603 Oh, it's happening. Let's just keep it between you and me for right now. 347 00:19:05,729 --> 00:19:08,773 Yeah. For sure, for sure, for sure. Man. And Pam's into it? 348 00:19:10,525 --> 00:19:12,319 Yeah, we haven't talked about it, but I think 349 00:19:12,444 --> 00:19:14,237 that she's... I think she understands. 350 00:19:14,321 --> 00:19:15,530 Aw, come on, man. 351 00:19:15,613 --> 00:19:16,948 Ithoughtyou had something real. 352 00:19:17,073 --> 00:19:18,450 What? No, no, no. Come on. 353 00:19:18,533 --> 00:19:19,576 This is real. 354 00:19:19,659 --> 00:19:22,912 It's not real until your wife is on board. 355 00:19:26,875 --> 00:19:28,626 So what did you want to show me? 356 00:19:28,752 --> 00:19:31,379 That is quite an ugly wall, isn't it? 357 00:19:31,921 --> 00:19:33,423 Pam: Yeah. It's really ugly. 358 00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:37,510 It needs something, doesn't it? I'm thinking a mural. 359 00:19:39,596 --> 00:19:40,597 You mean me? 360 00:19:40,764 --> 00:19:46,186 Yes, you! You are so talented. It's going to be my next special project, 361 00:19:46,269 --> 00:19:48,688 hiring Scranton's most dangerous young muralist 362 00:19:48,772 --> 00:19:50,440 to paint the warehouse wall. 363 00:19:51,149 --> 00:19:54,944 Oh, my god, I love it. Nellie, this is brilliant! 364 00:19:57,030 --> 00:19:58,490 Hey. Can I talk to you for a second? 365 00:19:58,865 --> 00:20:03,078 Anything you have to say to her, you can say to me. 366 00:20:03,161 --> 00:20:04,329 She never loved you! 367 00:20:04,412 --> 00:20:07,040 What? No, I... I got this. It's okay. 368 00:20:07,207 --> 00:20:09,751 This is his fault. It is not your fault. 369 00:20:09,834 --> 00:20:13,296 I'm going to find you someone better and rich. 370 00:20:13,838 --> 00:20:17,300 And Filipino, butwe'll break that to her later. 371 00:20:19,469 --> 00:20:21,304 You know what this is all about? 372 00:20:21,388 --> 00:20:23,807 Yeah. You, too, huh? 373 00:20:24,099 --> 00:20:25,266 Yeah. 374 00:20:27,727 --> 00:20:29,646 Go on, spill it! 375 00:20:30,772 --> 00:20:34,192 Tell her all the gory details, you snake! 376 00:20:34,609 --> 00:20:39,322 Hey, he deserves this, and he said I could get in on it, too. 377 00:20:40,990 --> 00:20:41,991 Yeah. 378 00:20:44,285 --> 00:20:48,331 Oh, Pam, no! Oh, I can't bear to watch this. 379 00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:51,084 I don't know what I was so worried about. 380 00:20:51,209 --> 00:20:53,253 I have the best wife in the world. 381 00:20:54,712 --> 00:20:56,798 I still can't believe he didn't tell me. 382 00:21:07,392 --> 00:21:08,577 I was helping Nellie drive, and... 383 00:21:08,601 --> 00:21:10,186 Do not care. 384 00:21:24,242 --> 00:21:27,620 I like that guy. We should hook him up with Meredith. 385 00:21:28,371 --> 00:21:29,372 Ooh.