1 00:00:01,002 --> 00:00:02,670 David: No. You lied to me, Andy! 2 00:00:02,753 --> 00:00:04,881 You pretended to be in this office for three months, 3 00:00:04,964 --> 00:00:06,841 and you were sailing on your boat! 4 00:00:06,924 --> 00:00:08,509 I resent that. 5 00:00:08,593 --> 00:00:10,428 I never lied to you. 6 00:00:10,845 --> 00:00:15,349 Really? "Hey, David. All is good in Scranton, pa." 7 00:00:15,600 --> 00:00:18,019 And all was good in Scranton, pa, that day. 8 00:00:18,102 --> 00:00:19,604 "By the way, Oscar says hi." 9 00:00:19,687 --> 00:00:22,106 Oscar says hi all the time. 10 00:00:22,481 --> 00:00:25,401 He says all kinds of greetings... hi, hello, hola. 11 00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:28,046 You're telling me you've never heard Oscar say hi? 12 00:00:28,070 --> 00:00:29,780 Andy... You're calling me a liar? 13 00:00:29,864 --> 00:00:31,282 Andy... By the way, that reminds me. 14 00:00:31,365 --> 00:00:33,760 I want to ask you about some of the lies you've been telling me lately. 15 00:00:33,784 --> 00:00:34,785 David: Watch it, Andy. 16 00:00:34,869 --> 00:00:37,121 Oh, here we go. January 7, 2013. 17 00:00:37,496 --> 00:00:39,081 "Hey, Andy, all's well. Been meaning 18 00:00:39,207 --> 00:00:40,927 "to make it down there, but my wife's sick." 19 00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:42,168 Well, which is it? 20 00:00:42,585 --> 00:00:44,086 Is all well, or is your wife sick? 21 00:00:44,295 --> 00:00:45,755 Busted! My wife? 22 00:00:48,299 --> 00:00:50,259 Ilflshasbeen areahytoughtune. Yeah? 23 00:00:50,343 --> 00:00:51,385 Yeah. Has it? 24 00:00:51,469 --> 00:00:52,595 Erinjustdumped me, 25 00:00:52,678 --> 00:00:55,848 and I can't remember any of the "aha" moments I had on the boat, 26 00:00:56,265 --> 00:00:59,268 and I know it sounds weird to say, but I really miss my beard. 27 00:00:59,894 --> 00:01:00,954 Shh. It was like a security blanket. 28 00:01:00,978 --> 00:01:02,605 Andy... shh. 29 00:01:05,858 --> 00:01:07,526 I'm not gonna fire you. 30 00:01:09,528 --> 00:01:10,571 You're not? 31 00:01:11,072 --> 00:01:12,740 That's awesome. 32 00:01:12,823 --> 00:01:14,551 I wouldn't own the company if it wasn't for you. 33 00:01:14,575 --> 00:01:17,328 So I owe you that. 34 00:01:17,828 --> 00:01:19,997 David, I'll be there for you. 35 00:01:21,040 --> 00:01:22,959 These five words I swear to you. 36 00:01:23,084 --> 00:01:25,753 When you breathe, I want to be the air for you. 37 00:01:25,878 --> 00:01:27,505 I'll be there for you. 38 00:01:27,964 --> 00:01:29,966 That's a poem by jb jovi. 39 00:01:30,341 --> 00:01:32,426 I want you to have it. 40 00:01:32,551 --> 00:01:34,679 We are even now. Understand? 41 00:01:35,805 --> 00:01:36,806 Got it? Crystal. 42 00:01:36,889 --> 00:01:38,432 And you are on very... 43 00:01:38,516 --> 00:01:40,851 Hey. Very thin ice. 44 00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:42,853 Vanilla. 45 00:01:46,565 --> 00:01:48,192 Vanilla ice. He was a band. 46 00:02:25,688 --> 00:02:27,440 Good morning. Good morning. 47 00:02:27,523 --> 00:02:29,066 And how are you on this fine... 48 00:02:52,256 --> 00:02:53,466 Okay. 49 00:02:54,383 --> 00:02:55,593 We ready? 50 00:02:55,801 --> 00:02:57,094 Don't use that part. 51 00:02:58,763 --> 00:03:03,851 Last week, Erin told me that our relationship will be proceeding without me. 52 00:03:05,978 --> 00:03:08,314 Now I have to see her every day at work, 53 00:03:08,397 --> 00:03:10,816 which is brutal. 54 00:03:13,027 --> 00:03:15,047 When people say office relationships are a good idea, 55 00:03:15,071 --> 00:03:18,282 they never talk about what might happen if you break up. 56 00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:28,292 He sounds like a wounded animal. 57 00:03:28,876 --> 00:03:31,754 Should have put him out of his misery and just fired him. 58 00:03:31,837 --> 00:03:34,632 I can't be around sad people. It makes me sad. 59 00:03:34,965 --> 00:03:36,884 I'm the same way with horny people. 60 00:03:37,301 --> 00:03:38,302 Okay. 61 00:03:42,264 --> 00:03:45,184 Erin: Yes, Pete and I have started seeing each other, 62 00:03:45,267 --> 00:03:46,811 and Andy still doesn't know. 63 00:03:47,269 --> 00:03:50,439 We thought that keeping it secret was more considerate to him. 64 00:03:53,109 --> 00:03:54,985 And hot for us. 65 00:03:55,861 --> 00:03:56,987 I mean, I saw Pete's butt. 66 00:03:58,531 --> 00:03:59,532 It's sick. 67 00:04:03,786 --> 00:04:04,995 Oh. That's mine. 68 00:04:06,163 --> 00:04:07,599 I'll just... I'll get it out of the way for you. 69 00:04:07,623 --> 00:04:10,042 Pam: Jim set up a job interview for me today in Philly. 70 00:04:10,543 --> 00:04:14,463 It's with a real estate company, which is a great fit for me, 71 00:04:14,547 --> 00:04:19,301 because I live in a house and I know what a bathroom is. 72 00:04:19,927 --> 00:04:23,389 I'm sorry. I am just very nervous, 73 00:04:24,432 --> 00:04:26,559 because, honestly, this is all moving a lot faster 74 00:04:26,642 --> 00:04:31,147 than I expected, and because my resume can fit on a post-it note. 75 00:04:33,441 --> 00:04:35,943 No, don't just let her eat the grass. She'll puke it right up. 76 00:04:36,694 --> 00:04:40,156 Okay, just put out two bowls and see which feed she prefers. 77 00:04:41,031 --> 00:04:43,951 I'm sorry to be taking up so much of your precious time, mose, 78 00:04:44,034 --> 00:04:45,703 but she's your aunt, too. 79 00:04:46,287 --> 00:04:47,663 Fine. I'll see what I can do. 80 00:04:53,961 --> 00:04:54,962 I need you. 81 00:04:55,087 --> 00:04:56,148 Dwight. 82 00:04:56,172 --> 00:04:57,566 And you should take breaks more often. 83 00:04:57,590 --> 00:04:58,984 I've been waiting there for 45 minutes. 84 00:04:59,008 --> 00:05:00,801 What? What is it? 85 00:05:00,885 --> 00:05:03,721 It's my aunt Shirley. She's on her last legs. 86 00:05:04,847 --> 00:05:06,390 Dwight, that's awful. You have no idea. 87 00:05:06,474 --> 00:05:10,144 I mean, her hair, her clothes, it's all falling off 88 00:05:10,227 --> 00:05:12,062 in great, big clumps. 89 00:05:12,563 --> 00:05:14,815 And we need someone to go out there and clean her up. 90 00:05:14,899 --> 00:05:16,942 We had a nurse, but she quit, because 91 00:05:17,067 --> 00:05:19,111 she was "poisoned" by aunt Shirley. 92 00:05:19,445 --> 00:05:21,071 What do you mean by "poisoned"? 93 00:05:21,363 --> 00:05:23,491 Probably nothing. Or strychnine. 94 00:05:24,158 --> 00:05:27,203 Or lemonade and strychnine, which is actually what it was. 95 00:05:27,286 --> 00:05:28,763 Okay, well, I'm very sorry about your aunt. 96 00:05:28,787 --> 00:05:30,164 Thank you. 97 00:05:30,247 --> 00:05:32,249 But I don't see how this is my problem. 98 00:05:32,333 --> 00:05:34,793 Angela, you owe me one. Remember? 99 00:05:35,252 --> 00:05:36,462 Now, please. 100 00:05:36,545 --> 00:05:39,673 She's an old woman, Angela. She needs a woman's touch. 101 00:05:39,757 --> 00:05:41,437 It's all hanging out. 102 00:05:41,467 --> 00:05:43,677 And there's parts of her I don't even recognize. 103 00:05:43,886 --> 00:05:46,305 There's this one hanging part in particular 104 00:05:46,597 --> 00:05:49,058 that's some sort of flap. 105 00:05:49,183 --> 00:05:50,267 It's fine. 106 00:05:50,351 --> 00:05:51,495 It's like a prehensile wing or something. 107 00:05:51,519 --> 00:05:52,561 I don't know. 108 00:05:52,645 --> 00:05:53,687 Oh, god. All right. 109 00:05:53,812 --> 00:05:54,980 I can't... okay. 110 00:05:55,272 --> 00:05:56,565 I'll help you. 111 00:05:56,690 --> 00:05:57,983 There's a divot where it was, 112 00:05:58,067 --> 00:06:00,194 and it needs... uh! 113 00:06:04,740 --> 00:06:05,741 Where are you going? 114 00:06:06,283 --> 00:06:08,077 Noton a three-month boat trip. 115 00:06:09,286 --> 00:06:11,163 Oh, burn. 116 00:06:12,289 --> 00:06:15,125 Uh, excuse me, what, everyone can just leave whenever they want now? 117 00:06:15,209 --> 00:06:16,210 How dare you? 118 00:06:17,962 --> 00:06:18,963 I'm still the boss. 119 00:06:37,898 --> 00:06:39,233 The answer is yes. 120 00:06:39,316 --> 00:06:40,484 I have some messages for you. 121 00:06:40,943 --> 00:06:42,111 Are they from you? 122 00:06:42,236 --> 00:06:43,476 Well, no, they're from clients. 123 00:06:43,654 --> 00:06:45,322 Well, then, I don't want them. 124 00:06:45,823 --> 00:06:46,824 You can keep them. 125 00:06:46,991 --> 00:06:51,078 In fact you can keep that big, que nautica sweater. 126 00:06:51,161 --> 00:06:52,639 I know how much you love it... I can't. 127 00:06:52,663 --> 00:06:55,583 No, I insist upon it. It's an awesome sweater. 128 00:06:55,708 --> 00:06:57,751 Some great memories tied up in that thing. 129 00:06:57,835 --> 00:07:00,087 These are messages from clients who want to buy paper. 130 00:07:00,170 --> 00:07:02,006 I don't want to talk about work right now. 131 00:07:02,089 --> 00:07:04,133 Well, I only want to talk about work right now. 132 00:07:04,216 --> 00:07:05,926 Then I want my big que sweater back. 133 00:07:06,010 --> 00:07:08,053 Well, I gave it to the salvation army. 134 00:07:14,685 --> 00:07:15,870 Pete: I've got this seat adjusted just right. 135 00:07:15,894 --> 00:07:17,021 Clark: Perfect. Yeah. 136 00:07:19,898 --> 00:07:21,233 She got rid of it. 137 00:07:21,650 --> 00:07:22,901 My que sweater. 138 00:07:23,027 --> 00:07:24,820 What is that about? 139 00:07:25,529 --> 00:07:27,364 I was just leaving. Stay. 140 00:07:28,198 --> 00:07:29,867 We are in the brozone layer. 141 00:07:30,117 --> 00:07:32,244 Okay, nard dog, plop and clarker posey, 142 00:07:32,494 --> 00:07:33,746 aka clarkwork orange. 143 00:07:33,912 --> 00:07:37,374 Here's the sitch. Erin dumped me, natch, 144 00:07:38,459 --> 00:07:41,045 but she got rid of my que sweater, which was her favorite. 145 00:07:41,754 --> 00:07:46,592 Is she moving on a little fast, or am I being a total psycho? 146 00:07:47,676 --> 00:07:48,802 Plop, you go first. 147 00:07:49,678 --> 00:07:52,848 I don't know. Women do tend to move on quicker than men. 148 00:07:54,266 --> 00:07:55,893 Survey says... 149 00:07:56,393 --> 00:07:58,395 Doesn't make me feel better at all. 150 00:07:59,396 --> 00:08:00,981 Zero Clark thirty, what do you got? 151 00:08:01,523 --> 00:08:03,585 Well, look at it this way. Being a bachelor is not all bad. 152 00:08:03,609 --> 00:08:05,069 I mean, you got your freedom now. 153 00:08:07,154 --> 00:08:08,906 Last night I ordered a pizza by myself, 154 00:08:09,031 --> 00:08:10,741 and I ate it over the sink like a rat. 155 00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:12,280 There you go. Good for you. 156 00:08:14,536 --> 00:08:16,580 You're just letting it all hang out. That's what... 157 00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:19,878 It may not seem like it, but this really helped. 158 00:08:20,042 --> 00:08:21,752 Sothankyou. Pete: Cool 159 00:08:26,256 --> 00:08:28,759 I'll give you $100 to wear that sweater to work tomorrow. 160 00:08:37,768 --> 00:08:40,604 Aunt Shirley, hello, it's me, Dwight. 161 00:08:40,771 --> 00:08:42,940 Oh, iooky here. It's big city Dwight. 162 00:08:43,357 --> 00:08:44,942 Careful you don't get mud on those 163 00:08:45,067 --> 00:08:46,652 fancy town shoes, big city Dwight. 164 00:08:46,944 --> 00:08:48,153 Hello, aunt Shirley. 165 00:08:48,278 --> 00:08:49,558 Who's this little kitchen witch? 166 00:08:49,780 --> 00:08:51,865 She's so tiny, like a little kitchen witch. 167 00:08:51,949 --> 00:08:55,494 This is Angela, and we brought you some new clothes. 168 00:08:55,577 --> 00:08:56,912 New clothes? What for? 169 00:08:56,995 --> 00:08:58,872 Dear god. Okay. Oh, my god. 170 00:08:58,956 --> 00:09:03,085 You know what, before you put the new clothes on, 171 00:09:03,168 --> 00:09:05,546 Angela's gonna get you cleaned up a little bit. 172 00:09:06,046 --> 00:09:10,592 Angela: Yes. How would you like a nice, warm bath? 173 00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:13,220 How would you like a mean, cold slap? Owl 174 00:09:13,846 --> 00:09:15,556 okay, aunt Shirley, dear, 175 00:09:15,639 --> 00:09:19,393 can I get you a nice crisp liter of schnapps? 176 00:09:19,727 --> 00:09:21,562 Okay. I could do that. 177 00:09:21,645 --> 00:09:22,855 No. No. Yeah, trust me. 178 00:09:22,938 --> 00:09:24,189 No. Itkeepsherdoche. 179 00:09:24,648 --> 00:09:27,276 Go to the kitchen, get the largest receptacle you can find. 180 00:09:29,486 --> 00:09:30,821 Step on it. 181 00:09:31,488 --> 00:09:33,031 Why doesn't Erin seem sad? 182 00:09:35,159 --> 00:09:37,286 Has she found someone new or something? 183 00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:39,788 And, if so, why hasn't she told me? 184 00:09:40,330 --> 00:09:42,124 Is she trying to spare my feelings? 185 00:09:44,042 --> 00:09:47,671 During breakups, the mind goes to some crazy dark places. 186 00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:00,100 Andy, don't. 187 00:10:00,726 --> 00:10:02,519 No good can come from snooping. 188 00:10:02,603 --> 00:10:05,230 I'm not snooping. There's just some crud on her screen. 189 00:10:05,355 --> 00:10:07,500 Oscar: You're clearly snooping. Creed: That's kind of uncool, man. 190 00:10:07,524 --> 00:10:09,359 Oh, come on. That's her private property. 191 00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:11,361 Hello? 192 00:10:11,820 --> 00:10:13,363 Who's snooping on who now? 193 00:10:14,239 --> 00:10:15,574 What does that even mean? 194 00:10:15,699 --> 00:10:17,034 Everyone, just please... 195 00:10:17,117 --> 00:10:18,243 Phyllis: Put it down. 196 00:10:18,327 --> 00:10:19,745 Come on, Andy. Put it down. 197 00:10:19,828 --> 00:10:21,188 Oscar: That's her private property. 198 00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:23,332 Oh, my god. 199 00:10:23,707 --> 00:10:24,707 See? 200 00:10:24,750 --> 00:10:25,810 That's what nosy'ii get you. 201 00:10:25,834 --> 00:10:26,835 Phyllis: Told you so. 202 00:10:29,338 --> 00:10:32,049 Darryl, Clark, Kevin, Toby, plop, take a knee. 203 00:10:33,300 --> 00:10:36,220 All right, you guys are gonna think I'm psycho again. 204 00:10:37,429 --> 00:10:38,514 Couldn't shake this feeling 205 00:10:38,597 --> 00:10:41,016 that Erin's dating someone, so I looked at her phone. 206 00:10:41,391 --> 00:10:42,869 Stanley: Man, you can't do that stuff. 207 00:10:42,893 --> 00:10:44,228 You'll only find pain. 208 00:10:44,686 --> 00:10:47,356 When my ex-wife got into my e-mail account, she was devastated. 209 00:10:47,564 --> 00:10:48,774 Too late. 210 00:10:49,191 --> 00:10:51,360 I found out she's been texting a guy named Pete. 211 00:10:52,653 --> 00:10:54,238 Does anybody know a Pete? 212 00:10:57,533 --> 00:10:59,284 Kevin: Pete. Hmm. 213 00:10:59,368 --> 00:11:00,452 Pete what? 214 00:11:00,911 --> 00:11:02,412 It just occurred to me that Andy 215 00:11:02,538 --> 00:11:04,039 has been calling me plop for so long 216 00:11:04,122 --> 00:11:05,707 he forgot my real name. 217 00:11:06,458 --> 00:11:07,751 Which is Pete. 218 00:11:34,820 --> 00:11:36,071 Hello. 219 00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:37,447 Hey. There she is. 220 00:11:39,283 --> 00:11:40,534 How you doing? Hi. 221 00:11:41,285 --> 00:11:42,786 Hey, do I look okay? You look great. 222 00:11:42,870 --> 00:11:43,996 Yeah. Okay. 223 00:11:44,955 --> 00:11:46,206 What's that? Is that a... 224 00:11:46,290 --> 00:11:49,501 Okay, I know where you're going with this, and this is who I am now. 225 00:11:49,585 --> 00:11:51,795 I'm a douche. But look what I can do with my hands. 226 00:11:52,796 --> 00:11:55,257 Gotta go. Vip just walked through the door. 227 00:11:55,340 --> 00:11:57,551 How are you, Isaac? You have something in your ear. 228 00:11:57,634 --> 00:11:58,635 It's a phone. 229 00:11:59,636 --> 00:12:01,388 Yes, it is, and thank you so much 230 00:12:01,513 --> 00:12:03,265 for setting up this opportunity. 231 00:12:03,348 --> 00:12:04,433 I really appreciate it. 232 00:12:04,516 --> 00:12:06,143 Of course. Anything for team Halpert. 233 00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:07,352 You're gonna crush it, Pam. 234 00:12:07,477 --> 00:12:08,562 Thanks. 235 00:12:08,645 --> 00:12:09,688 You are gonna crush it. 236 00:12:10,856 --> 00:12:12,107 Wow, I missed you. 237 00:12:12,190 --> 00:12:14,627 Wait, are you saying that into the phone or are you saying that to me? 238 00:12:14,651 --> 00:12:16,254 Call you right back. What were you saying? 239 00:12:16,278 --> 00:12:17,279 Ha ha. 240 00:12:17,988 --> 00:12:19,323 Hey, Jim. 241 00:12:19,406 --> 00:12:21,158 We got Trent Edwards on the line. 242 00:12:21,408 --> 00:12:22,409 I gotta go. 243 00:12:22,492 --> 00:12:24,995 But, you know what, team Halpert, okay? 244 00:12:25,162 --> 00:12:27,414 You're gonna crush it. You're gonna smash it. 245 00:12:27,539 --> 00:12:29,625 Okay. Good luck. 246 00:12:31,501 --> 00:12:33,295 God, she drank so much. 247 00:12:33,378 --> 00:12:34,671 And so quickly. 248 00:12:36,131 --> 00:12:38,342 In her prime, shirls could put away homemade schnapps 249 00:12:38,425 --> 00:12:39,927 morning, noon and night. 250 00:12:44,056 --> 00:12:45,849 Now all it takes is half a liter. 251 00:12:46,642 --> 00:12:48,435 She's dreaming. All right. 252 00:12:48,518 --> 00:12:50,938 Let's get her out to the yard so you can spray her down. 253 00:12:51,021 --> 00:12:52,606 Spray her down? No. 254 00:12:52,689 --> 00:12:54,483 It's a lot better than it sounds. 255 00:12:54,691 --> 00:12:59,821 There's a private shower area, very tasteful and very rustic. 256 00:13:03,241 --> 00:13:04,326 Hey. 257 00:13:04,451 --> 00:13:05,535 Come on in. Have a seat. 258 00:13:09,039 --> 00:13:12,751 Thanks for coming in. I just got to get something off my chest. 259 00:13:13,210 --> 00:13:16,755 I just got some really weird news, 260 00:13:16,838 --> 00:13:19,549 and I'm just gonna come out and say it. 261 00:13:19,925 --> 00:13:21,969 I just got off the phone with my doctor, 262 00:13:22,678 --> 00:13:27,891 and turns out I contracted chlamydia from Erin. 263 00:13:28,976 --> 00:13:30,185 And it's incurable. 264 00:13:30,894 --> 00:13:31,895 Pretty lame, huh? 265 00:13:33,730 --> 00:13:34,731 Yeah. 266 00:13:46,576 --> 00:13:47,577 You were gone... 267 00:13:47,661 --> 00:13:48,662 I knew it! 268 00:13:48,745 --> 00:13:49,913 For a long time, Andy. 269 00:13:49,997 --> 00:13:51,248 You and Erin are... 270 00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:56,670 Andy, just so you know, there was no overlap. 271 00:13:57,004 --> 00:14:00,007 No overlap? Great. Good. Wow. 272 00:14:00,298 --> 00:14:01,675 This is suddenly so easy. 273 00:14:01,842 --> 00:14:03,010 Guess what? You're fired. 274 00:14:03,093 --> 00:14:04,177 What? 275 00:14:04,261 --> 00:14:07,097 Yeah. You are fired. 276 00:14:07,723 --> 00:14:09,516 One of the perks of being boss. 277 00:14:09,641 --> 00:14:11,476 I can fire anyone who steals my girlfriend. 278 00:14:11,768 --> 00:14:14,104 And, wow, that turns out to be you. 279 00:14:14,271 --> 00:14:15,272 Yup, sorry. 280 00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:16,582 So you had a bad day 281 00:14:16,606 --> 00:14:17,607 Andy. 282 00:14:17,691 --> 00:14:18,692 The camera don't lie 283 00:14:18,775 --> 00:14:19,776 Andy. I'm trying to... 284 00:14:19,860 --> 00:14:22,362 You're a big idiot get out of my office 285 00:14:22,446 --> 00:14:23,447 Andy. 286 00:14:23,530 --> 00:14:26,491 Turns out you're fired because you suck 287 00:14:26,575 --> 00:14:28,118 and you're fired 288 00:14:28,201 --> 00:14:30,829 if you want to talk to me, I'll be in the annex, all right? 289 00:14:31,955 --> 00:14:33,415 I'm gonna be in the annex. 290 00:14:38,003 --> 00:14:40,922 You can't fire Pete. You understand why, right? 291 00:14:43,884 --> 00:14:45,802 Andy, we had this exact same conversation 292 00:14:45,969 --> 00:14:47,929 when you wanted to get rid of Nellie. 293 00:14:48,055 --> 00:14:51,808 You can't just get rid of people over grudges. 294 00:14:52,100 --> 00:14:53,810 Nellie was a professional grudge. 295 00:14:53,894 --> 00:14:55,562 This is a purely personal grudge. 296 00:14:57,314 --> 00:14:59,399 All right, well, look, while I have you, 297 00:14:59,483 --> 00:15:03,403 this is a relationship disclosure form for Pete and Erin. 298 00:15:05,113 --> 00:15:06,698 They already have a contract? 299 00:15:11,453 --> 00:15:13,330 "Mutually agree to..." 300 00:15:13,955 --> 00:15:16,541 Every phrase is like a dagger in my crotch. 301 00:15:17,334 --> 00:15:19,228 It's just boilerplate. You don't have to read it. 302 00:15:19,252 --> 00:15:20,692 Well, I'm not signing away my rights. 303 00:15:20,962 --> 00:15:23,673 I already signed it. I was just showing you. 304 00:15:24,800 --> 00:15:27,094 Okay, well, we'll see about that. 305 00:15:27,177 --> 00:15:28,637 Andy, that's not the original. 306 00:15:29,679 --> 00:15:32,682 And destroying it will not stop them from dating. 307 00:15:33,975 --> 00:15:34,976 Andy. 308 00:15:45,403 --> 00:15:47,197 It's the original. 309 00:15:49,324 --> 00:15:51,785 Mark: Lfthey're talking chesteravenue 310 00:15:51,868 --> 00:15:53,161 talking triplex 311 00:15:53,245 --> 00:15:55,122 talking converting... 312 00:15:55,205 --> 00:15:57,040 Is that her? Hey, guys. 313 00:15:57,666 --> 00:15:58,810 Say something. I said... hello. 314 00:15:58,834 --> 00:15:59,876 Hi, I'm Mark. 315 00:16:00,001 --> 00:16:01,044 Hi. Pam. Hello. 316 00:16:01,128 --> 00:16:03,505 I'm the horrible boss around here, 317 00:16:03,630 --> 00:16:06,049 but please don't hire Jamie foxx to kill me. 318 00:16:06,466 --> 00:16:08,468 Django! 319 00:16:10,137 --> 00:16:13,098 I don't agree with the use of the n word in that movie. 320 00:16:13,181 --> 00:16:14,307 It's too soon. 321 00:16:15,183 --> 00:16:16,810 I'm Pam Halpert. Oh. Hi. 322 00:16:16,893 --> 00:16:18,436 They call me marky Mark around here, 323 00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:22,983 because here at Simon realty, we are one funky bunch. 324 00:16:23,275 --> 00:16:26,236 Come on, you guys. Raise the roof when I say that. 325 00:16:26,903 --> 00:16:28,780 What are you, all temps again today? 326 00:16:30,532 --> 00:16:32,450 Let's go, gangnam-ster. 327 00:16:32,742 --> 00:16:34,452 He's heard gangnam style. He knows it. 328 00:16:34,661 --> 00:16:36,955 Right? That's 'cause he's American. 329 00:16:37,122 --> 00:16:38,415 This is Carl. 330 00:16:39,166 --> 00:16:43,336 He's from here. He's from our neck of the woods. 331 00:16:43,837 --> 00:16:45,922 But gangnam style is great, isn't it? 332 00:16:47,215 --> 00:16:50,177 Oh, my god. He's Michael Scott. 333 00:16:55,390 --> 00:16:56,474 Time to get clean. 334 00:16:56,600 --> 00:16:57,785 It's hosing time, aunt Shirley. 335 00:16:57,809 --> 00:16:59,853 Have a seat. You're gonna have a hard time 336 00:16:59,936 --> 00:17:01,730 hearing her over the roar of the hose. 337 00:17:01,813 --> 00:17:03,273 We have to do chains? Oh, you'll see. 338 00:17:03,607 --> 00:17:05,150 Here we go. Get this show on the road. 339 00:17:05,233 --> 00:17:06,776 Let's do it. Ready? 340 00:17:07,319 --> 00:17:09,112 Here's a box cutter to get her clothes off. 341 00:17:09,654 --> 00:17:10,655 Dwight! Let's get to it. 342 00:17:10,947 --> 00:17:12,115 No. No. Give itawhirl. 343 00:17:12,282 --> 00:17:15,577 Dwight, I'm not gonna hose your aunt down like some animal. 344 00:17:15,660 --> 00:17:17,537 Stop your bellyaching and hose me. 345 00:17:17,621 --> 00:17:18,914 I need you to hose my aunt. 346 00:17:18,997 --> 00:17:20,057 No, Dwight. Okay, you are useless. 347 00:17:20,081 --> 00:17:21,124 No, no. Give me the hose. 348 00:17:21,208 --> 00:17:22,209 Dwight, I won't do it. 349 00:17:33,637 --> 00:17:38,183 I'm gonna give your aunt a proper bath and a haircut like a lady. 350 00:17:38,433 --> 00:17:40,435 And you two are gonna shut up about it. 351 00:17:40,602 --> 00:17:41,853 Do you have a bathtub? 352 00:17:41,978 --> 00:17:43,438 Yes, ma'am. Good. 353 00:17:44,147 --> 00:17:45,607 This is not so much an office 354 00:17:45,690 --> 00:17:49,319 as it is a rec room with a bunch of computers in it. 355 00:17:49,402 --> 00:17:51,571 And, frankly, if I had my way, 356 00:17:51,655 --> 00:17:54,241 I'd toss the computers in the garbage, 357 00:17:54,324 --> 00:17:58,536 but unfortunately we use them for practically everything we do, so... 358 00:17:59,412 --> 00:18:00,622 That ain't gonna happen. 359 00:18:01,164 --> 00:18:02,524 He's a temp. Don't worry about him. 360 00:18:02,707 --> 00:18:03,708 Alice! 361 00:18:04,501 --> 00:18:06,002 All right. Stay awake, okay? 362 00:18:09,547 --> 00:18:10,966 Hey, Nellie. 363 00:18:13,260 --> 00:18:15,178 I am so sick of February. 364 00:18:16,554 --> 00:18:19,182 It's the shortest month, but it sure doesn't feel that way. 365 00:18:20,433 --> 00:18:21,434 We should catch up. 366 00:18:23,687 --> 00:18:25,665 You know, I've been going over my notes from the trial. 367 00:18:25,689 --> 00:18:26,940 Oh, no, Toby, no. No, no, no. 368 00:18:27,023 --> 00:18:29,484 I feel like I might have glossed over a few minor points. 369 00:18:30,193 --> 00:18:34,155 No, Toby, you cannot keep blathering on about this Scranton strangler. 370 00:18:34,239 --> 00:18:36,992 Do something about it. Get it out of your system, whatever it takes. 371 00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:38,410 I've been drafting a letter. 372 00:18:38,535 --> 00:18:39,744 For two years! 373 00:18:39,828 --> 00:18:41,663 Then what? Another year picking out a stamp? 374 00:18:41,746 --> 00:18:44,249 Another six months before you decide to lick it? Just... 375 00:18:44,708 --> 00:18:47,419 I don't want to hear it. 376 00:18:48,545 --> 00:18:49,629 My aunt Joan. 377 00:18:49,713 --> 00:18:53,216 Oh, well, she worked here before I did, 378 00:18:53,300 --> 00:18:55,385 so there's no nepotism involved. In fact, 379 00:18:56,136 --> 00:18:58,239 to be honest with you, I'm probably a little harder on her 380 00:18:58,263 --> 00:19:00,056 than I am on the rest of these people. 381 00:19:02,017 --> 00:19:03,643 Can you not work on this? 382 00:19:03,727 --> 00:19:06,479 Work on this month's. Okay, Nana? 383 00:19:08,732 --> 00:19:13,903 When I say, "chillax," people chillax. Watch this. 384 00:19:14,029 --> 00:19:15,405 Hey, Roger, chillax. 385 00:19:18,199 --> 00:19:19,743 He must not have heard me. 386 00:19:20,201 --> 00:19:22,120 No. I heard you. 387 00:19:23,079 --> 00:19:26,875 Step this way for the Spanish inquisition. 388 00:19:27,834 --> 00:19:28,877 Kids in the hall. 389 00:19:29,794 --> 00:19:32,088 Uh, just... It's not high pressure. 390 00:19:32,255 --> 00:19:34,257 It's just a little coffee talk. 391 00:19:34,883 --> 00:19:36,426 Okay? Like butter. 392 00:19:36,509 --> 00:19:38,345 Come on in here. Mike Myers. 393 00:19:38,428 --> 00:19:39,763 Oh, my god. 394 00:19:48,313 --> 00:19:49,314 Thank you. 395 00:19:50,357 --> 00:19:52,317 Thanks. Thanks a lot. Really appreciate it. 396 00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:54,819 You guys were supposed to have my back, okay? 397 00:19:54,903 --> 00:19:58,114 Instead, you let a guy named plop steal my girlfriend. 398 00:19:58,323 --> 00:20:00,033 Hey, boss, I did everything I could. 399 00:20:00,325 --> 00:20:03,203 I invited Pete out for drinks. I e-mailed him shots of myjunk. 400 00:20:04,412 --> 00:20:06,206 Kid doesn't have a romantic bone in his body. 401 00:20:06,289 --> 00:20:07,749 Come on, Andy. They're a good match. 402 00:20:07,832 --> 00:20:09,376 That doesn't matter, okay? 403 00:20:09,459 --> 00:20:12,295 What matters is that I am hurt. 404 00:20:13,338 --> 00:20:15,799 Deep hurt inside of me. 405 00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:18,968 I don't care if they're Romeo and freaking Juliet. 406 00:20:19,135 --> 00:20:22,305 I feel like the guy that Juliet dated before Romeo. 407 00:20:22,889 --> 00:20:24,349 Probably her boss. 408 00:20:24,933 --> 00:20:27,811 And guess what? Juliet's boss also had feelings. 409 00:20:28,144 --> 00:20:29,187 Hey, Andy. 410 00:20:29,312 --> 00:20:30,355 What? 411 00:20:30,897 --> 00:20:33,483 You got a booger bubble going on there. 412 00:20:35,693 --> 00:20:36,694 Sorry. 413 00:20:38,405 --> 00:20:39,406 It's okay. 414 00:20:39,823 --> 00:20:41,950 My whole life is a booger bubble. 415 00:20:48,373 --> 00:20:50,500 This is a tiny resume. 416 00:20:52,335 --> 00:20:53,545 Papa smurf. 417 00:20:53,962 --> 00:20:56,756 Come back to the mushroom. 418 00:20:57,257 --> 00:20:58,317 It's from the smurfs movie. 419 00:20:58,341 --> 00:20:59,342 Yeah. 420 00:20:59,426 --> 00:21:02,095 I've seen that with my kids. It is tiny. 421 00:21:02,470 --> 00:21:04,389 But I've actually been commissioned 422 00:21:04,514 --> 00:21:06,474 by the city of Scranton to paint a mural... 423 00:21:06,558 --> 00:21:07,809 What does this say here? 424 00:21:10,687 --> 00:21:11,855 What language is this? 425 00:21:11,980 --> 00:21:13,773 Swahili? Oh, wait a second. 426 00:21:14,023 --> 00:21:15,275 Now I can read it. 427 00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:16,693 Oh. 'Cause it was upside-down. 428 00:21:18,111 --> 00:21:19,529 You're a good audience. 429 00:21:20,864 --> 00:21:21,865 So, uh... 430 00:21:21,948 --> 00:21:23,050 Unlike some of these people around here. 431 00:21:23,074 --> 00:21:25,827 Yeah. The city commissioned me to do... 432 00:21:25,910 --> 00:21:28,788 Yeah, we don't have a lot of call for doodling around here. 433 00:21:29,205 --> 00:21:32,041 But I like this resume, and here's why. 434 00:21:32,542 --> 00:21:34,669 It shows that you stick around. 435 00:21:36,671 --> 00:21:40,800 Yeah, you don'tjump ship easily like a lot of these people. 436 00:21:42,427 --> 00:21:47,599 I mean, they worship me, you know, but do they like me? 437 00:21:49,601 --> 00:21:53,396 I mean, do you think they like me, Pam? 438 00:21:57,025 --> 00:21:58,401 Yes. 439 00:21:58,902 --> 00:22:01,237 What if Bob Dylan was your boss? 440 00:22:01,779 --> 00:22:03,490 I'm gonna do Dylan. 441 00:22:06,951 --> 00:22:08,786 Pam Halpert is my name 442 00:22:08,953 --> 00:22:11,539 I've been at dunder Mifflin for... 443 00:22:12,874 --> 00:22:14,209 Seven years? Eight years. 444 00:22:14,417 --> 00:22:16,211 Eight years, man 445 00:22:16,586 --> 00:22:18,713 got the dunder Mifflin blues 446 00:22:18,796 --> 00:22:20,632 got the Pam Halpert blues 447 00:22:20,715 --> 00:22:22,967 got Pratt... Went to Pratt institute 448 00:22:23,051 --> 00:22:24,177 you have children? 449 00:22:24,302 --> 00:22:25,470 Two children, yes. 450 00:22:25,553 --> 00:22:27,347 And you do art and painting? 451 00:22:28,014 --> 00:22:29,015 Kind of the same thing. 452 00:22:29,098 --> 00:22:30,642 Kind of the same thing 453 00:22:30,725 --> 00:22:32,936 sometimes I repeat myself 454 00:22:33,019 --> 00:22:35,438 but that's just being Pam 455 00:22:37,440 --> 00:22:39,359 well, I'm kind of cute 456 00:22:39,442 --> 00:22:42,737 and I'm... But I'm married, so... 457 00:22:44,155 --> 00:22:45,532 Leave that be 458 00:22:46,324 --> 00:22:48,868 hey. You got a sec to talk? 459 00:22:50,203 --> 00:22:51,597 Kind of painful to chat with you, Pete, 460 00:22:51,621 --> 00:22:54,290 ever since the ol' one-two punch to my scrotum pole, 461 00:22:54,374 --> 00:22:57,544 translation, penis, translation, my manhood. 462 00:22:58,127 --> 00:22:59,754 Yeah, look... 463 00:23:01,673 --> 00:23:03,132 I understand breakups are tough. 464 00:23:03,716 --> 00:23:06,636 You know, it happens to all of us at some point in life. 465 00:23:07,845 --> 00:23:09,597 But you gotta move on. 466 00:23:12,642 --> 00:23:14,185 Great advice. 467 00:23:14,769 --> 00:23:16,479 Thank you. You can leave now. 468 00:23:16,646 --> 00:23:17,814 Listen to him, Andy. 469 00:23:17,897 --> 00:23:20,377 He's trying to tell you something that you really need to hear. 470 00:23:22,151 --> 00:23:24,779 Awesome perspective. Thanks for butting in. 471 00:23:25,029 --> 00:23:27,198 Well, I've been where you are now. 472 00:23:27,824 --> 00:23:31,035 I dated this girl Alice, and it was an ugly breakup. 473 00:23:31,202 --> 00:23:33,997 She worked at a marketing agency right next to my house. 474 00:23:34,247 --> 00:23:36,916 I'd run into her every day, but I had to grow up and deal with it, 475 00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:38,334 and I did. 476 00:23:39,210 --> 00:23:40,396 We're even Facebook friends now. 477 00:23:40,420 --> 00:23:41,504 See? 478 00:23:41,671 --> 00:23:42,839 We can all be friends. 479 00:23:42,964 --> 00:23:44,090 Yeah. 480 00:23:44,173 --> 00:23:46,053 Just get over it. It doesn't have to be awkward. 481 00:23:46,301 --> 00:23:48,261 Pete: I do think we can have a fair... 482 00:23:48,344 --> 00:23:50,722 Andy: Yeah, so life gives you lemons, 483 00:23:50,847 --> 00:23:53,266 you just gotta eat 'em, rinds and all. 484 00:23:53,600 --> 00:23:55,452 And, if you don't want to eat 'em, your ex-girlfriend 485 00:23:55,476 --> 00:23:56,811 will shove them down your throat 486 00:23:56,936 --> 00:23:58,536 with the help of her hunky new boyfriend. 487 00:23:59,063 --> 00:24:00,648 So that's fun. 488 00:24:02,650 --> 00:24:04,611 Nothing to see here. 489 00:24:04,902 --> 00:24:06,362 Boss at work. 490 00:24:07,155 --> 00:24:09,532 This will be your desk, right up front. 491 00:24:09,616 --> 00:24:11,284 Best seat on the roller coaster. 492 00:24:11,367 --> 00:24:14,162 You must be this tall to ride this ride. 493 00:24:14,912 --> 00:24:17,248 No pregnant women allowed. 494 00:24:17,540 --> 00:24:20,376 Are you? I'm not allowed to ask, so... 495 00:24:20,752 --> 00:24:22,128 I am not... you're not pregnant. 496 00:24:22,211 --> 00:24:24,714 I didn't ask her if she was pregnant. 497 00:24:24,922 --> 00:24:26,049 She just offered it. 498 00:24:26,132 --> 00:24:29,427 The last three girls here all got pregnant. 499 00:24:29,510 --> 00:24:30,637 Wow. 500 00:24:30,762 --> 00:24:31,929 Don't be afraid. 501 00:24:32,013 --> 00:24:33,389 It's a different chair. 502 00:24:34,098 --> 00:24:35,725 I don't want a guy up here. 503 00:24:36,059 --> 00:24:40,146 I want to, you know, see a woman come in and do a great job. 504 00:24:40,647 --> 00:24:42,607 Something I have to look out this window... 505 00:24:42,690 --> 00:24:44,150 I'm sorry, I thought this job was 506 00:24:44,275 --> 00:24:45,735 for the position of office manager. 507 00:24:46,361 --> 00:24:47,737 It is. Yeah. 508 00:24:47,820 --> 00:24:49,697 You'd manage this office. 509 00:24:49,781 --> 00:24:52,492 You'd answer the phones and forward the calls, 510 00:24:52,575 --> 00:24:55,078 and, you know, go for a coffee run now and again. 511 00:24:55,453 --> 00:24:57,163 So kind of like a receptionist. 512 00:24:58,247 --> 00:24:59,666 Yeah. Like a receptionist, 513 00:24:59,749 --> 00:25:05,588 but we call you the office manager, because it's less demeaning. 514 00:25:07,590 --> 00:25:12,428 By the way, how long are these cameras gonna be following you around? 515 00:25:12,679 --> 00:25:16,432 Because I think this is pretty cool. 516 00:25:18,226 --> 00:25:20,019 Pretty, pretty cool. 517 00:25:20,103 --> 00:25:21,896 Larry David, curb your enthusiasm. 518 00:25:21,979 --> 00:25:23,606 Do you like that show? Yes. 519 00:25:23,690 --> 00:25:26,984 Well, I think they indulge themselves a little too much. 520 00:25:29,404 --> 00:25:30,405 I like scripted. 521 00:25:31,072 --> 00:25:34,283 I spent 10 years as a receptionist to Michael Scott. 522 00:25:34,992 --> 00:25:36,577 And I have kids now. 523 00:25:38,955 --> 00:25:42,291 And I just... I can't. 524 00:25:46,629 --> 00:25:48,256 The braid is too tight. 525 00:25:48,589 --> 00:25:49,590 Angela: Oh, hush. 526 00:25:50,216 --> 00:25:52,427 Loose braids reflect a loose character. 527 00:25:52,969 --> 00:25:54,303 Now stay still. 528 00:25:55,138 --> 00:25:56,139 Yes, ma'am. 529 00:25:57,348 --> 00:26:00,476 I think your hair is much too long for your age, by the way. 530 00:26:01,519 --> 00:26:03,146 Okay. There. 531 00:26:06,232 --> 00:26:07,233 Thank you, Angela. 532 00:26:09,444 --> 00:26:11,446 I'm going to the prison this afternoon 533 00:26:11,571 --> 00:26:13,614 to go and talk to the strangler. 534 00:26:14,657 --> 00:26:17,326 Probably best to use his real name rather than strangler. 535 00:26:17,660 --> 00:26:19,871 Don't use his real name. 536 00:26:20,830 --> 00:26:22,498 George Howard skub? 537 00:26:23,499 --> 00:26:24,667 That's a devil name. 538 00:26:25,084 --> 00:26:28,171 Anyway, I just wanted to say I'm doing it. I'm going. 539 00:26:31,007 --> 00:26:32,383 He's doing it. 540 00:26:38,306 --> 00:26:39,807 Hey. Hey, how'd the interview go? 541 00:26:39,891 --> 00:26:41,476 Oh, my gosh. Wait until I tell you. 542 00:26:41,559 --> 00:26:44,270 This guy was unbelievable. 543 00:26:44,687 --> 00:26:45,687 Okay, so... 544 00:26:45,730 --> 00:26:46,790 Jim: Ican't wait to hear about it later. 545 00:26:46,814 --> 00:26:48,232 Do you want to come in at 8:00? 546 00:26:48,399 --> 00:26:50,276 And don't eat, because I'm ordering in. 547 00:26:50,359 --> 00:26:51,569 8:00? Really? 548 00:26:51,861 --> 00:26:53,905 I'll make it worth your while, I promise. 549 00:26:54,447 --> 00:26:57,742 Sure. I mean, it's Philly. I can kill four hours. 550 00:26:57,825 --> 00:26:59,619 So, yeah, I'll see you at 8:00. 551 00:26:59,702 --> 00:27:01,579 All right. Love you. Love you. 552 00:27:08,419 --> 00:27:09,420 Hi. 553 00:27:09,504 --> 00:27:12,840 I'm here from b.C.I. Marketing consultants to meet with Andrew Bernard. 554 00:27:12,924 --> 00:27:14,634 Oh, yes, the consultant. 555 00:27:14,967 --> 00:27:16,320 Andy said you can start right away. 556 00:27:16,344 --> 00:27:17,929 So I will take you to your desk. 557 00:27:18,012 --> 00:27:19,680 Okay, great. Thanks. 558 00:27:21,224 --> 00:27:23,142 Meredith: Fresh meat. Fresh meat! 559 00:27:24,101 --> 00:27:27,021 Just keep walking. Don't give her anything. She'll take it and run. 560 00:27:27,104 --> 00:27:28,689 I'm Erin, by the way. Nice to meet you. 561 00:27:28,856 --> 00:27:30,274 Cute sweater. Oh, thanks. 562 00:27:30,525 --> 00:27:32,568 Your shoes match. I'm bad at small talk. 563 00:27:32,693 --> 00:27:33,694 I'm Kevin. 564 00:27:38,407 --> 00:27:39,408 Pete? 565 00:27:40,451 --> 00:27:41,452 Alice. 566 00:27:43,538 --> 00:27:44,580 Oh, man. 567 00:27:44,747 --> 00:27:45,832 It's, uh, been awhile, huh? 568 00:27:46,082 --> 00:27:47,583 Oh, do you two know each other? 569 00:27:47,750 --> 00:27:49,252 Yeah. We, uh, have a history. 570 00:27:50,795 --> 00:27:52,255 History. Wow. Okay. 571 00:27:52,672 --> 00:27:54,215 We dated for two years. 572 00:27:55,091 --> 00:27:56,175 That's so random. 573 00:27:56,384 --> 00:27:57,969 Well, is it? 574 00:27:59,887 --> 00:28:02,640 Andy also hired a management consultant today. 575 00:28:05,393 --> 00:28:06,435 Oh, no. 576 00:28:13,943 --> 00:28:16,320 Hey, Erin, look who's back. The birdman. 577 00:28:17,113 --> 00:28:18,155 Hello, beautiful. 578 00:28:19,615 --> 00:28:21,242 Didn't you two used to do it? 579 00:28:22,285 --> 00:28:24,996 We absolutely did. Thank you for remembering that. 580 00:28:27,540 --> 00:28:28,833 Creed: She's looking good. 581 00:28:33,754 --> 00:28:37,717 Hi. I'm Toby Flenderson. I'm here to see George Howard skub. 582 00:28:38,259 --> 00:28:39,510 This is the prison. 583 00:28:40,344 --> 00:28:45,558 I am not going in there with expectations, per se. 584 00:28:46,017 --> 00:28:48,436 I will meet George Howard skub. 585 00:28:48,686 --> 00:28:51,480 I will tell him that I believe he is innocent. 586 00:28:52,023 --> 00:28:55,151 I would understand if he felt motivated to hug me. 587 00:28:55,985 --> 00:28:58,029 I would understand if a friendship began. 588 00:28:58,404 --> 00:29:00,323 How did bogart put it? 589 00:29:00,573 --> 00:29:03,826 I think this is the start of my first friendship. 590 00:29:05,995 --> 00:29:07,663 So Pete was a librarian? 591 00:29:08,748 --> 00:29:11,042 He worked as a librarian freshman year. 592 00:29:11,500 --> 00:29:12,780 Was he, like, the sexy librarian? 593 00:29:12,835 --> 00:29:14,003 Okay. 594 00:29:14,086 --> 00:29:16,464 Is there somebody who's in charge of marketing? 595 00:29:16,547 --> 00:29:18,174 Maybe I should sit near him or her. 596 00:29:20,676 --> 00:29:22,053 Andy: Hi. Alice: Hi. 597 00:29:22,136 --> 00:29:23,387 Hi, how's it going? 598 00:29:23,471 --> 00:29:25,222 Hi. Good. 599 00:29:25,514 --> 00:29:28,434 Pdloveto discuss strategy with you if you have a marketing... 600 00:29:28,517 --> 00:29:29,852 Wow, this sure is intense. 601 00:29:31,187 --> 00:29:35,107 Having to share a workspace with someone you used to get it on with. 602 00:29:35,232 --> 00:29:37,485 Andy, that is really inappropriate. 603 00:29:37,735 --> 00:29:39,695 Awkward! It is awkward. 604 00:29:40,279 --> 00:29:43,157 This is a really uncomfortable situation that you've contrived. 605 00:29:43,658 --> 00:29:46,285 Really uncomfortable situation. 606 00:29:46,452 --> 00:29:48,287 Yeah. This... 607 00:29:49,080 --> 00:29:50,915 That's all right, Pete. You can handle it. 608 00:29:51,123 --> 00:29:53,042 I mean, we all just gotta move on. 609 00:29:53,125 --> 00:29:54,961 Ain't that right, professor lecture-much? 610 00:29:56,796 --> 00:29:58,631 Uh, question. How's that medicine taste? 611 00:29:59,382 --> 00:30:00,758 Your own-flavored? 612 00:30:01,884 --> 00:30:04,428 Is it just me, or have these tables turned? 613 00:30:07,056 --> 00:30:08,057 Hmm. 614 00:30:09,642 --> 00:30:10,643 Hmm. 615 00:30:15,314 --> 00:30:16,857 So there's no marketing department? 616 00:30:17,274 --> 00:30:18,776 No. 617 00:30:19,443 --> 00:30:20,820 You know, times were tough. 618 00:30:20,903 --> 00:30:23,364 I was unemployed. I was still heartbroken over you. 619 00:30:23,864 --> 00:30:25,449 I've lost a good 50 pounds. 620 00:30:25,616 --> 00:30:28,202 But as you can see I put all that weight right back on. 621 00:30:29,745 --> 00:30:31,247 Feel how fat my buttocks are. 622 00:30:31,998 --> 00:30:33,749 Yeah. It's crazy. 623 00:30:33,958 --> 00:30:35,543 Touch it. It's like a warm pumpkin. 624 00:30:35,835 --> 00:30:37,062 So andyjust called you up out of the blue? 625 00:30:37,086 --> 00:30:38,254 Yeah. 626 00:30:39,588 --> 00:30:40,965 He told me you two broke up. 627 00:30:41,048 --> 00:30:42,049 Yeah. 628 00:30:42,508 --> 00:30:43,759 You must be pretty horny. 629 00:30:48,848 --> 00:30:51,129 Nellie: Well, the good news is, no more guilty conscience. 630 00:30:51,434 --> 00:30:53,394 At least you know he is the strangler. 631 00:30:53,769 --> 00:30:55,271 The proof is in the grip. 632 00:30:55,938 --> 00:30:58,107 Did they say when the vocal cords would heal? 633 00:31:01,485 --> 00:31:02,737 One week? 634 00:31:04,280 --> 00:31:06,073 Okay. Two weeks? 635 00:31:08,242 --> 00:31:09,577 Okay. 636 00:31:10,786 --> 00:31:12,580 You offered your neck in search of the truth. 637 00:31:14,248 --> 00:31:16,709 "The proud neck of justice," isn't that the expression? 638 00:31:16,792 --> 00:31:20,087 Well, anyway, it was... It was very brave. 639 00:31:23,924 --> 00:31:25,968 It really was quite brave. 640 00:31:30,264 --> 00:31:31,932 I feel like a show pony. 641 00:31:32,099 --> 00:31:33,976 And you look like one, too. Thank you, Angela. 642 00:31:34,393 --> 00:31:36,437 You're welcome. Would you like some stew? 643 00:31:36,520 --> 00:31:39,440 By all means. And I will carve the roast skunk. 644 00:31:41,609 --> 00:31:43,486 Angela. 645 00:31:44,737 --> 00:31:46,072 Would you like the stink sack? 646 00:31:46,447 --> 00:31:48,115 Is it any good? No. 647 00:31:48,199 --> 00:31:50,034 You don't eat it. It's a toy, like a wishbone. 648 00:31:50,117 --> 00:31:52,119 You know, prettiest girl gets the stink sack. 649 00:31:52,328 --> 00:31:53,662 Thank you. 650 00:31:53,954 --> 00:31:56,332 So when's the wedding? 651 00:31:59,460 --> 00:32:02,338 Um, actually, we are just friends. 652 00:32:02,838 --> 00:32:05,091 That's what mose said about his lady scarecrow, 653 00:32:05,174 --> 00:32:07,218 and look what he did to that poor thing. 654 00:32:08,511 --> 00:32:09,512 Hello? 655 00:32:09,845 --> 00:32:11,055 Jim: Hey. Back here. 656 00:32:14,683 --> 00:32:17,019 Wow. Seriously? 657 00:32:17,895 --> 00:32:19,897 Oh, my gosh. Is that champagne? 658 00:32:20,064 --> 00:32:21,065 Si, senor. 659 00:32:23,484 --> 00:32:25,903 Jim, I should have told you I didn't get the job. 660 00:32:26,362 --> 00:32:29,031 Oh, man. I'm so sorry. Are you all right? 661 00:32:29,115 --> 00:32:31,951 Oh. Yeah. I'm more than all right. There's just nothing to celebrate. 662 00:32:32,368 --> 00:32:35,204 Are you kidding? You're in Philly. We're having dinner together. 663 00:32:35,454 --> 00:32:37,498 And this is just consolation champagne. 664 00:32:37,665 --> 00:32:40,417 It's from the part of France that immediately gave up to the Nazis. 665 00:32:40,668 --> 00:32:41,668 Here. 666 00:32:41,710 --> 00:32:43,254 You're very quick on your feet. 667 00:32:43,796 --> 00:32:46,132 I remember you. Funny. 668 00:32:47,258 --> 00:32:49,009 All right. So... 669 00:32:49,802 --> 00:32:50,803 Tell me all about it. 670 00:32:53,556 --> 00:32:58,352 Okay. Well, gosh, thank you for your help today. 671 00:32:59,311 --> 00:33:03,023 Your perspective was very useful. Thank you. 672 00:33:03,524 --> 00:33:05,901 It was not an unpleasant way to spend an afternoon. 673 00:33:18,414 --> 00:33:20,040 Dwight, Dwight. Right. 674 00:33:20,416 --> 00:33:21,834 Not outside. The horseflies. 675 00:33:22,501 --> 00:33:24,753 You know what, my farm is only a few acres east of here. 676 00:33:24,920 --> 00:33:27,464 Or we could use the slaughterhouse. 677 00:33:28,507 --> 00:33:30,259 No, Dwight, the senator. 678 00:33:31,010 --> 00:33:33,387 Leave him. He probably won't even notice that you're gone. 679 00:33:34,763 --> 00:33:36,015 Be with me, monkey. 680 00:33:36,932 --> 00:33:39,268 I can't be your monkey, Dwight. 681 00:33:40,144 --> 00:33:43,898 I'm not talking about some frisky romp in the warehouse. 682 00:33:44,231 --> 00:33:46,692 We have wasted too much of our lives ignoring the fact 683 00:33:46,775 --> 00:33:48,652 that we belong together. 684 00:33:50,529 --> 00:33:52,948 The 80 or 90 years that I have left of this life 685 00:33:54,658 --> 00:33:56,243 I want to spend with you. 686 00:33:58,829 --> 00:34:01,874 I made a vow. I gave my word. 687 00:34:03,459 --> 00:34:05,461 Stand by your man. 688 00:34:10,132 --> 00:34:12,218 It's what I would want if you were mine. 689 00:34:13,969 --> 00:34:14,970 Good night, d. 690 00:34:22,019 --> 00:34:24,146 How are you doing? Is it really rough? 691 00:34:24,480 --> 00:34:26,148 It is so unpleasant. 692 00:34:26,649 --> 00:34:28,275 You? Hey, love turds. 693 00:34:28,943 --> 00:34:30,361 Conference room now. 694 00:34:34,073 --> 00:34:37,576 Thank you all for coming in. Just wanted to check in. 695 00:34:37,660 --> 00:34:38,994 How was everyone's day? 696 00:34:41,830 --> 00:34:44,083 Honestly, it was a little weird. 697 00:34:44,667 --> 00:34:45,876 Really? 698 00:34:47,294 --> 00:34:49,964 Hmm. That's interesting, because Erin and Pete 699 00:34:50,089 --> 00:34:52,800 thought it wouldn't be weird at all. 700 00:34:53,342 --> 00:34:55,094 Why do you think it was weird, Gabe? 701 00:34:55,177 --> 00:34:57,513 Maybe because you and Erin used to be an item? 702 00:34:58,597 --> 00:35:01,642 I still wear Erin's button-downs around the condo sometimes, 703 00:35:01,725 --> 00:35:04,353 so it feels to me like we're still in a relationship... 704 00:35:04,436 --> 00:35:05,854 Gabe... a lot of the time. 705 00:35:08,190 --> 00:35:12,569 And, Alice, I understand you once dumped Pete. Ouch. 706 00:35:12,861 --> 00:35:14,780 It was an amicable breakup, Andy. 707 00:35:15,155 --> 00:35:16,991 Okay, while we're rewriting history, 708 00:35:17,116 --> 00:35:18,993 you never had a drinking problem. 709 00:35:19,201 --> 00:35:21,578 It was college. That is what you do. 710 00:35:22,121 --> 00:35:24,432 Dude, you're also supposed to go to classes, so there's that. 711 00:35:24,456 --> 00:35:26,750 Hey, Andy, is this at all work-related? 712 00:35:27,084 --> 00:35:31,005 We'll get to that. Gabe, did Erin ever tell you that she loves you? 713 00:35:31,505 --> 00:35:34,216 Oh, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no. 714 00:35:35,384 --> 00:35:36,677 She wouldn't even let me say it. 715 00:35:36,760 --> 00:35:39,305 It was adorable. She'd plug her ears and scream her heart out. 716 00:35:39,388 --> 00:35:40,639 Gabe, can you stop talking? 717 00:35:40,723 --> 00:35:42,433 Because every word out of your mouth 718 00:35:42,558 --> 00:35:44,268 is like the squawk of an ugly pelican. 719 00:35:45,019 --> 00:35:46,478 I got a tattoo for you. 720 00:35:46,895 --> 00:35:48,939 I didn't ask you to get that Nike swoosh. 721 00:35:49,023 --> 00:35:50,607 Nobody did. You did that for you. 722 00:35:50,774 --> 00:35:52,067 Just do it. 723 00:35:53,027 --> 00:35:55,070 You were the "it" that I was just doing. 724 00:35:55,362 --> 00:35:57,114 So you're dating a secretary now? 725 00:35:57,406 --> 00:35:58,907 Moving up in the world, Pete. 726 00:35:59,366 --> 00:36:00,576 She's nice to me. 727 00:36:00,909 --> 00:36:02,786 How's that p.E. Degree coming? 728 00:36:02,995 --> 00:36:04,055 That's what he wanted to be. 729 00:36:04,079 --> 00:36:05,724 His dream in college was to be a gym teacher. 730 00:36:05,748 --> 00:36:08,000 Well, guess what, he could still be a gym teacher. 731 00:36:08,083 --> 00:36:09,561 In fact, we could all still be gym teachers. 732 00:36:09,585 --> 00:36:11,420 So let's... I technically cannot. 733 00:36:11,503 --> 00:36:13,756 I don't have the lung capacity to blow a whistle. 734 00:36:13,839 --> 00:36:15,174 Oh, my god. 735 00:36:17,593 --> 00:36:19,219 What kind of music are you into, Peter? 736 00:36:20,721 --> 00:36:22,306 I like all kinds of music, Gabe. 737 00:36:22,389 --> 00:36:24,099 Really? All kinds? 738 00:36:24,391 --> 00:36:25,934 So you like songs of hate written 739 00:36:26,101 --> 00:36:27,701 by the white knights of the ku klux klan? 740 00:36:27,728 --> 00:36:29,146 Erin, are you even hearing this? 741 00:36:29,229 --> 00:36:30,429 Gabe, he didn't even say that. 742 00:36:30,481 --> 00:36:31,801 He's not a very sophisticated man. 743 00:36:31,899 --> 00:36:33,442 I mean, he can't use chopsticks, 744 00:36:33,609 --> 00:36:35,152 so do I need to say anything else? 745 00:36:35,444 --> 00:36:38,197 Erin, I've been to Japan. 746 00:36:38,280 --> 00:36:40,616 I know how to use chopsticks so well. 747 00:36:41,450 --> 00:36:42,451 Come back. 748 00:36:42,910 --> 00:36:44,179 One night. Give me one night with you. 749 00:36:44,203 --> 00:36:45,371 What is that supposed to be? 750 00:36:45,454 --> 00:36:47,432 I have shaved everything. I don't want you to shave... 751 00:36:47,456 --> 00:36:50,000 I wasted two years of my life on you. You realize that, right? 752 00:36:50,084 --> 00:36:53,212 I just want to be real clear that chopsticks is not the measure of a man. 753 00:36:53,295 --> 00:36:55,589 I am as smooth as a porpoise for you. 754 00:36:55,672 --> 00:36:56,941 Why didn't you say at the beginning, 755 00:36:56,965 --> 00:36:58,151 "this isn't really going that well"? 756 00:36:58,175 --> 00:37:01,011 Shovel his sashimi into his mouth as a sport. 757 00:37:01,220 --> 00:37:04,556 Andy: All right, all right, yes, thatis a legitimate question. 758 00:37:04,807 --> 00:37:07,810 Does making Erin and Pete feel bad make me feel better? 759 00:37:10,104 --> 00:37:12,106 Yeah. Yeah. 760 00:37:12,648 --> 00:37:13,774 It does. 761 00:37:14,566 --> 00:37:16,735 So imagine, like, the real estate version 762 00:37:16,860 --> 00:37:19,029 of Michael Scott, and that was this guy. 763 00:37:19,321 --> 00:37:21,615 He did half the interview as ace ventura. 764 00:37:21,782 --> 00:37:23,182 Tell me about the Cologne. How much? 765 00:37:23,659 --> 00:37:25,577 Oh, entire bottle at least. 766 00:37:25,661 --> 00:37:27,138 You're definitely hoarding this, by the way. 767 00:37:27,162 --> 00:37:30,040 Guess what poster he had on his wall? 768 00:37:31,208 --> 00:37:32,709 Austin powers. Mmm-mmm. 769 00:37:32,793 --> 00:37:34,044 Ferris Bueller. Mmm-mmm. 770 00:37:34,503 --> 00:37:35,796 You're getting colder. 771 00:37:36,004 --> 00:37:37,589 Not night at the roxbury. No. 772 00:37:39,758 --> 00:37:41,760 The odd life of Timothy green. 773 00:37:43,011 --> 00:37:45,597 I'm sorry. How did you think I was expected to guess that? 774 00:37:45,681 --> 00:37:46,908 I don't know. But it's interesting, right? 775 00:37:46,932 --> 00:37:48,058 It's fascinating. 776 00:37:48,142 --> 00:37:50,269 He said he can't help but tear up 777 00:37:50,352 --> 00:37:51,996 when he looks at it, and it's right next to his desk. 778 00:37:52,020 --> 00:37:54,022 He must look at it, like, 20 times a day. 779 00:37:54,398 --> 00:37:55,691 That's amazing. 780 00:37:55,899 --> 00:37:57,943 Well, listen, you can't win 'em all, right? 781 00:37:58,152 --> 00:38:00,154 So the next interview has to be better. 782 00:38:02,406 --> 00:38:03,490 I don't know. 783 00:38:03,615 --> 00:38:04,700 What do you mean? 784 00:38:05,367 --> 00:38:07,286 Of course itwill. You're amazing. 785 00:38:08,745 --> 00:38:12,082 I know. It's just, even if it was a great boss and a great job, 786 00:38:12,166 --> 00:38:14,209 I just... I don't... I don't know if I... 787 00:38:14,293 --> 00:38:17,588 If I want to... I don't know if I want this. 788 00:38:23,886 --> 00:38:24,887 Huh. 789 00:38:29,808 --> 00:38:31,435 This is a little out of left field. 790 00:38:32,060 --> 00:38:33,061 Is it? 791 00:38:39,651 --> 00:38:41,904 I just... I liked our life in Scranton. 792 00:38:45,407 --> 00:38:48,827 And I have started a business in Philadelphia. 793 00:39:02,966 --> 00:39:05,219 Woman: Little did my grandfather know, 794 00:39:05,302 --> 00:39:07,346 mahjong would be here to stay. 795 00:39:08,096 --> 00:39:10,933 Man: Hobbies of the east continues in a moment. 796 00:39:17,314 --> 00:39:18,982 You could all be doing this. 797 00:39:19,107 --> 00:39:20,359 Just saying. 798 00:39:20,442 --> 00:39:23,695 I watch way too many ads online, and I don't do enough sit-ups. 799 00:39:24,613 --> 00:39:25,614 So I bought these. 800 00:39:25,781 --> 00:39:27,950 Now every time an ad pops up online, 801 00:39:28,116 --> 00:39:30,285 I get 30 seconds of ab-blasting. 802 00:39:30,869 --> 00:39:32,621 I call it ads for abs. 803 00:39:32,913 --> 00:39:35,958 Ironically, I learned about the boots from an ad online. 804 00:39:36,333 --> 00:39:38,460 Why can't you just do regular sit-ups? 805 00:39:38,669 --> 00:39:39,920 I'll tell you why. 806 00:39:41,296 --> 00:39:42,631 Because 807 00:39:43,757 --> 00:39:44,925 the floor 808 00:39:48,929 --> 00:39:50,138 Disgusting. 809 00:39:54,685 --> 00:39:57,312 Yeah. My trainer said, 810 00:39:57,813 --> 00:40:00,107 "everybody fails working out." 811 00:40:00,315 --> 00:40:01,525 That's how you win. 812 00:40:01,817 --> 00:40:03,819 Okay. All right. 813 00:40:04,861 --> 00:40:07,656 Okay. Kevin, a little help, buddy. 814 00:40:09,366 --> 00:40:12,494 Why don't your famous stomachs help you now? 815 00:40:12,703 --> 00:40:13,870 Can someone please help me? 816 00:40:15,163 --> 00:40:18,292 Ow. These teas are hot. Can someone help me, please? 817 00:40:19,835 --> 00:40:20,836 Thanks. 818 00:40:21,211 --> 00:40:22,671 Okay. Oscar: Just... 819 00:40:24,423 --> 00:40:25,424 Just_ 820 00:40:26,049 --> 00:40:28,343 People, I'm not going anywhere. 821 00:40:28,510 --> 00:40:30,637 Soon my core will get strong again, 822 00:40:30,762 --> 00:40:32,931 and, when that happens, I'll be able... 823 00:40:34,266 --> 00:40:35,267 Head rush! 824 00:40:35,559 --> 00:40:36,560 Ah! 825 00:40:38,437 --> 00:40:39,688 Can someone please help me? 826 00:40:40,022 --> 00:40:41,023 Hey. 827 00:40:41,648 --> 00:40:43,066 I'm not going anywhere. 828 00:40:43,859 --> 00:40:45,235 I'll be right here. 829 00:40:46,194 --> 00:40:47,404 Oh, that's not good. 830 00:40:47,821 --> 00:40:50,532 Hey, guys, I've got 20 bucks for anyone who will help me. 831 00:40:50,616 --> 00:40:51,992 Kevin, would you like a pizza?